Chapter 12: It's Still Your Words (When You Needed Help to Say Them)
Trying her hair into her characteristic twintails as she prepared for school, Hina glanced down at her phone and was surprised to find a notification waiting for her. Quickly picking it up and opening it to line, she found-with a small, vague sense of disappointment-that it was a message from Akane.
A-CHAN: So did you figure out what you're gonna do about that Yuri girl?
Hina shook her head, her brow furrowing in annoyance as she considered that she'd only had the time since her direct friend had gone home last night to consider the situation. Even so, she felt obligated to answer.
HINA: I'm still not sure
HINA: I mean, I'd like to talk to her, y'know?
HINA: But I think if I kept on trying to talk to her before she was ready, she'd just get mad and go away again
A-CHAN: Really?
This gave the pink haired girl pause. While her perception of Yuri was likely still slightly influenced by her first impression, she did honestly believe she was the type to shy away from...
...from what exactly? With another frown, Hina thought, well, I guess she just... doesn't want to be liked. Or more like... she doesn't really notice, I guess? Like, if I come at her with all these feelings-she carefully avoided identifying what those feelings were-then she'd just go 'ok' and walk off.
Her face fell, and she realized that this was what she was truly afraid of: not that Yuri would get angry or push her away, but that the unfathomable girl would quite simply not acknowledge her. And that would hurt her so much worse.
HINA: I guess I just don't want to make her hurt me on accident.
HINA: Like, I don't want to know the answer if the answer hurts. Or if there isn't one at all.
A-CHAN: ...
A-CHAN: Hina
A-CHAN: You're an idiot
The pink haired girl's face flared up in a combination of surprise, hurt, and anger. Before she could construct an angry retort, however, the next message appeared.
A-CHAN: Remember when I said that's basically a confession?
Shifting from a furious, flustered blush into a softer, shyer, more embarrassed coloring of her cheeks, Hina sent a response to the affirmative.
A-CHAN: I didn't say it was *your* confession.
HINA: Huh?
A-CHAN: Okay, so it mostly was. But she accepted your feelings too, sorta, and kind of told you her own, sorta.
A-CHAN: This Yuri girl seems kind of bad at
A-CHAN: Well, people, or living or whatever.
A-CHAN: Like, she acts all cold, but I don't think it's because she actually hates you or anything. It sounds like she's the opposite of you: she can't really say what she's feeling, or doesn't know how or something.
A-CHAN: For someone like that, 'I don't hate you' and calling you 'her friend' is basically saying 'I want to marry you.'
Hina's blush intensified at this extreme statement, her eyelids shooting open and her pupils shrinking to pinpricks as her eyebrows nearly converged at the center. Instead of letting this tide of emotion drag another response out of her, however, she held back and waited for Akane to finish her thought.
A-CHAN: She can't really come up and talk to you, but that's what she wants to do. If you talk to her, she's gonna be happy that you did, AND she's gonna talk back.
A-CHAN: You two are just being too dumb to see it.
A long moment of silence passed as Hina considered her friend's messages. While there wasn't a clear answer in them-after all, if she could just talk to Yuri the problem wouldn't be a problem in the first place-she felt a sense of encourage and certainty that she could figure out a way to be happy with the cold girl again.
HINA: So what do I do?
A-CHAN: Seriously!? Okay, so if she doesn't try to talk to you by the end of the day, hunt her down after school and talk to her. And if she *does* try to talk to you, it's probably a good thing so LISTEN.
...
Trudging to school with uncertainty haranguing her every step, Yuri reflected on Anna's advice. While it was probably true that Hina wanted to talk to her-though that was perhaps her own wishful thinking-and she definitely wanted to talk to the excitable, endearing, bold, insightful, cute...
...anyway...
...while she wanted to talk to Hina, she wondered if it was alright to do so because someone else told her to. After all, she did sincerely care about her friend, but it still felt dishonest to reconnect for someone else's sake. After all, if Anna hadn't advised her, Yuri wondered if she would ever take that step and talk to Hina.
And if she wouldn't, what did that say about how she felt for Hina?
Before she could dwell on these thoughts any further, she realized with a weight forming in her stomach that she had arrived at school.
Where Hina probably was.
...
Walking through the hallways of the school on her way to the classroom-trying not to think about the fact that she was taking the long way there-she passed many of the people she knew with a half-hearted greeting. This did result in a few concerned glances-Mako in particular lingering with her usual concerned look before continuing on her way-but she paid them little heed, steeling what resolve she had.
All too soon she found herself at the entrance of her class, and from the door she could see Hina happily chatting away with those around her. Seeing this, the reserved girl couldn't hold back a small pang of jealously-jealous of Hina's ability to be at ease near others or jealous that they got to chat with her friend, Yuri was uncertain. Nonetheless, after a moment of hesitation, she strode towards Hina-causing several of the students to turn in surprise at the ordinarily cold girl-stood before her friend's desk, all eyes on her, as she said, very quietly, "I want to talk to you at lunch. Meet me on the roof."
She quickly turned to her desk, sat, and put her face into her arms, almost dying of embarrassment on the spot. Just as no one could see her from this position, she couldn't notice the significant glance Akane shot Hina.
...
Yuri stood on the roof, her bentou unopened and untouched next to her. It wasn't that she lacked appetite (if anything, she was starving) but rather that she suspected if she ate right then, she'd throw it back up in nervousness. Nonetheless, there she stood, waiting for the pink haired girl's arrival.
As the seconds ticked by, the calm girl's emotions and fears tossed and turned inside of her. What if she was wrong about everything? What if Hina didn't really want anything to do with her? What if Anna was just messing with her?
Even worse... what if Hina didn't feel the same way? Yuri's feelings were still unclear even to her, but she definitely knew they were more than 'just a friend.' She wanted to be around her, but it was more than that; she wanted to know her, to stay near her. She wanted to know that she'd always be there for Hina, and that Hina would be there for her. She wanted to hold her hand... to lean against each other like they did on the train... to-
"Y-yuri-chan?"
No affectation. No accent or impression. No attempt to be anything but herself.
Yuri knew that voice. And she knew, before she even turned around and saw her standing in the half-shadow of the door to the roof, who it was-what it was.
It was Hina, pure, unadulterated, her.
*Chapter 12: &$ End*