You people love guessing.
Kryten: We'll know more about Olga and her benefactor later. And we'll see if your guess is correct.
JayDogg187: That subplot will eventually merge with the main plot. And sorry that sentence confused you, the informer was referring to bizarro-Olga. Stake? We'll see in a bit.
Inudaughter Returns: Lol, you won't feel sorry at all in a chapter or two.
acosta perez jose ramiro: Or maybe both. Not to mention plenty of money.
DeepVoice'06: No, she hasn't been lied to. She's just been jumping the gun over and over. What will happen? Wait a bit and you'll see. Yes, they're short. That's why they're called "cut scenes", geez... :D :D :D
Pistal9189: Patience, Padawan. You'll find out soon enough.
We're getting into the deep stuff here.
1101 – PROSE AND POETRY
A flash of light…
A blaring truck horn…
Suddenly turning to her left…
An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…
Being shoved from behind…
Arnold screaming her name…
The screech of tires…
A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…
A rushing darkness…
A flash of light…
A blaring truck horn…
Suddenly turning to her left…
An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…
Being shoved from behind…
Arnold screaming her name…
The screech of tires…
A horrendous blow on her left side, her head whiplashing and being bashed by the grille of the truck…
A rushing darkness…
A flash of light…
A blaring truck horn…
Suddenly turning to her left…
An ice cream truck inches away from her and getting closer at high speed…
Being shoved from behind…
Arnold screaming her name…
The screech of tires—
Helga woke up the following morning—
Please let me be home, please let me be home, please let me be home—!
She looked around and saw that she was still in the Safehouse of the "bizarro universe", on the old sofa.
Drat.
She pulled off the old patched grey comforter that was part of the items found in the Safehouse, sat up, adjusted her wig, and put her shoes on, pondering on the rather calm events of the previous day while she blinked away the cloudiness from the contact lenses, since she couldn't take them off and clean them.
She had given the boys quite the surprise when they saw her disguise, but after the initial shock, she, Stinky, Harold, Wolfgang, Torvald, and Ludwig spent the rest of the day in the library, piling up on the tables books on theoretical physics, as well as science fiction, pouring over them, trying to find any answer of how to go from one universe to another. Helga, Stinky, and Harold were in the fiction section, while the fifth-graders were in the non-fiction section, dividing the work.
They were all slightly amazed that the library was quiet again, despite yesterday's near-riot. The librarians and the patrons seemed calm, but they spotted a few of them occasionally giving the stink eye to each other.
Unfortunately, all they found were theories, theories, and more theories, all dealing with "wormholes", "black holes", and "additional dimensions" in the non-fiction section, and "stargates", "portals", "white holes", as well as "magic" and other fantasy terms in the fiction section, or devices that required futuristic technology that right now only existed in the minds of science fiction authors.
Torvald's suggestion to wait was very much debunked once the clock ran past 3 p.m. because Helga remained there, much to her chagrin, and to Torvald's disappointment, since he was practically staring holes at her since 2:30, hoping he would see the moment she would get sucked back to her "original" universe.
And so, they continued reading, and reading, and reading, and what notes they took all added up to the same thing:
It was just plain impossible now.
They all stayed right up to the moment the library closed, but by then, they had gone through all the books they found, and with no answer at all, they had no choice but to call it quits. So, with their shoulders hanging in defeat, they treated Helga to a dinner of fast food and bid their farewells for the day.
Stinky led her back to the Safehouse, and after making sure she had leftover non-perishable food, he left her there, making sure she locked the door.
There was only one option left, but she needed a verification from Stinky in order to try it, and she didn't want to bring it up yesterday, not until she was absolutely sure that all their other options were impossible.
Because if she DID try it, it was going to HURT.
BADLY.
She didn't ask Stinky after they left the library because she knew everyone was exhausted. So, that evening in the Safehouse, Helga scribbled some hazy plans that involved Jolly Olly Man, but after several unsuccessful attempts to come up with something concrete she gave up, and just plain stopped thinking about anything because her brain was very much fried after all that research, and she fell asleep soon after.
Awake once more now, she took her notebook and tore out all the pages of her plans, since they made even less sense now that her brain had rested. Now with a clear mind—
Waittaminute…
Something suddenly came up in her head, something that she hadn't been able to consider because of all her recent emotional distress. Now that she was calm, it practically jumped at her.
Arnold shoved me to the other sidewalk because I was still pretending to have amnesia, because it was a ploy on my part to make him pay attention to me…
…because I was still chasing him, wanting him to be my boyfriend…
…and in "this" universe, Arnold was ALREADY with Ruth and the other Helga was ALREADY with Stinky…
…so, if "this" universe's Arnold and Helga got hit by a truck at the exact same moment Arnold and I DIDN'T get hit…
…why was "this" universe's Helga blindly crossing the street? She couldn't have been faking it in order to get Arnold's attention, because Stinky was already her boyfriend, so…
…maybe she still had amnesia that morning?
…maybe she and Stinky had a spat and she was trying to make him jealous?
…maybe she was just getting her revenge on Arnold and it all went wrong?
…hmm…
She put her thoughts on paper once more:
Journal of Helga Geraldine Pataki, from the universe where San Lorenzo exists, who is currently in a universe where it doesn't.
Day 2:
More than twenty-four hours have passed since I APPEAR to have arrived in this "bizarro universe", but contrary to Torvald's theory, I'm still here, and I didn't get sucked back to "my" universe, like that man in Japan did. I'm starting to believe that I didn't show up here yesterday, but three months ago instead, right when "this" universe's Helga got hit by Jolly Olly Man. If that is so, then my way of getting back is going to be a bit more…dangerous…and perhaps painful…than what I feel comfortable with, but it might be my only option left. Still, it's something I've got to try in order to bring the "other" Helga, Stinky's girlfriend, back to his loving arms.
I wonder what her life was like before Bob and Miriam gave up on her. Did she get along with them? With Olga? What about her friends? How is she doing in school? Was she close friends with Phoebe before her power trip? Was she happy here? Is she happy in "my" world, or does she miss her boyfriend, knowing that the Stinky in "my" world has already moved on since their candy bar days? Is she trying to fend off "my" Arnold?
Or…is she also trying to find a way to return here? Will I return even if I fail, but she succeeds? Is it possible for both of us to be stuck together in the same universe?
Hmm…perhaps I should write her a letter, in case she does come back the moment I return. If "this" universe's Helga is anything like me, she just might write poetry too, so perhaps I'll prepare for her a parting gift. I just hope it reaches her because she truly has nothing left in this world. It's a real crime that Bob and Miriam didn't bother leaving her belongings anywhere and just threw them away, or let them be buried under the rubble of their house. And there's also something that got me wondering…
You know what? I think I will write that letter right now…
Helga turned to the last page and began writing in earnest, pouring her heart to her other self. She was so involved in giving her words of encouragement and comfort that she didn't realise that Stinky had been knocking and calling out her name outside the main door for five minutes.
She finished the letter, closed the notebook, put it back in her purse, and got up to let her "boyfriend" back inside, locking the door behind them.
The boy had brought a small single-serving box of cereal, along with milk, a banana, an apple, and a pear: he had brought her breakfast. He was carrying some notebooks as well, but Helga's attention was solely on the food.
"Wow, 'Steven', this is the first time a boy has served me breakfast in bed," she quipped, making him blush, as she sat on the right of the couch.
He sat on the left side, with the purse between them again, and tried to dismiss her teasing. "Ah…Ah…couldn't bring yew more without mah parents gettin' suspicious. Ah juss' hope they don't find yewr—um—mah girlfriend's dress. Ah hid it between mah mattresses."
"Good thinking," she said, starting to eat the apple, now with much less urgency than yesterday. She then pulled out the notebook and said between mouthfuls, "I have in here a letter for your girlfriend; it's on the last page. Make sure she gets it and reads it, okay?" Helga put the notebook back and resumed eating while she continued to examine Jolly Olly Man's schedule.
The boy nodded, "Okay. After breakfast, maybe yew can go t' Sheena's or Nadine's t' shower, 'cuz thar ain't no shower here, unless yew wanna dump buckets o' water on yewrself."
And naturally, going to Rhondalloyd's is out of the question.
"I'll think about that later. If I'm going to shower, I'm going to need to redo all my makeup, and I'm not sure if Sheena or Nadine can help me out with that."
She continued reading the schedule but then stopped, turned to him, and asked, "Say, 'Stenka', did 'your' Helga ever write poetry?"
"Oh, yup!" he replied rather quickly, smiling and perking up at her question. "'N fact, Ah brought some o' th' poems she gave meh. She even wrote short stories, too!" He presented to her a handful of notebooks of assorted sizes and colours, as if he were giving her Christmas gifts.
"Really? She wrote short stories? Maybe I ought to try those, once I get back…" She put the schedule sheet down, took the notebooks, and began leafing through them.
"These are th' ones she gave t' meh n' let meh read…Ah…Ah brought them…t' see if yew could remember…" he said with a twinge of hope, hands between his knees.
She stopped leafing through the notebooks, turned to him, and raised half of her eyebrow again. "Remember what?"
"Well, since we all saw yesterday that travellin' between universes is nay-impossible, Ah…Ah was thinkin'…that…that maybe…" He fidgeted, trying to find the right words. "…that maybe yew are mah girlfriend…n'…n' maybe…maybe yew dreamed ev'rythin'…bout bein' from another universe…n'…n'…"
"And maybe I'll miraculously remember everything and you'd get your girlfriend back?" she finished bluntly for him.
Stinky just blushed and looked away from her.
Helga stared at him, first with slight anger, then with pity. "You…really miss your girlfriend, don't you?" she sighed, closing the other girl's notebook.
He nodded silently.
She sighed and placed her left hand on his right shoulder. "Look, 'Steven', I don't blame you for grasping at straws, given how much you love your girlfriend. But if my plan works, I promise you that you'll have your girlfriend back, whether I'm from another universe or not. And…and if it doesn't work…" She took a deep breath, knowing that without Arnold, she practically had no other options here, and she didn't want to break Stinky's heart. "I'll…I'll try to be your new girlfriend here. You deserve that, at least."
His eyes brightened somewhat, and he turned to her. "Yew mean it?"
"I'll do my best to try, Stinky. I…just hope you can stand me." It was her turn to look away with uncertainty.
The boy smiled at her with a slightly larger glimmer of hope. "Thank yew."
Helga resumed reviewing the notebooks.
There were plenty of poems and quite a few short stories too, though none of them were from themes she was familiar with. While she focused on love, romance, and a certain football-headed boy, "this" universe's Helga focused more on fantasy, urban settings, and wrestling, of all things. The handwriting was somewhat similar, with the occasional misspelling, pretty much the same as those in her works, but as much as she tried, she simply couldn't remember writing any of these poems or stories.
Until she saw a poem on the last page of a certain pink notebook.
The poem was titled "HELGA'S".
And it read:
H is for the Head I'd like to kick.
E is for Every time I see that broomstick.
L is Longing for our firstest kiss.
G is for how Good that longing is.
A is for Anxiously waiting for my boy.
'S is that she is Steven's and he is hers. Doi!
She didn't know whether to take that as a parody or a downright mockery of the poem she wrote about Arnold. And given that the page was still attached to the notebook, that meant that Arnold never read it in front of their friends, nor did the "other" Helga ever tear off the page and stuff it in her mouth.
Crimeny! She DOES love him as much as I love Arnold!
Slowly, she put the notebook down and turned to him. "I…um…she calls you 'Broomstick'?"
"Yup…" he whispered, eyeing her with hope and longing. "Yew…yew don't remember any o' that?"
She sadly shook her head. "Sorry, 'Steven', can't say that I do. Except maybe this last one," she lifted the notebook. "But it's…somewhat…um…different from the one I remember writing. Still, I've got to remember 'broomstick'," she smiled. "It's going to be a great insult for the Stinky in 'my' world…!…what?"
Helga noticed that the boy was glancing at her with a certain look in his eye, one she remembered from the Arnold in "her" universe.
She slapped the notebook on the armrest and rubbed her head. "Ugh, don't tell me you want to kiss me again, Stinky."
"Ah'd be lyin' if Ah said Ah didn't," he looked at his feet." Ah know that when Ah kissed yew Ah felt like yew weren't mah girlfriend, but up 'till now, Ah was hopin' t' be wrong…n' maybe…maybe after readin' all this, yew'd remember n' want t' kiss meh too." He gave her an expectant look.
She shook her head and pointed at him. "Yeah, look, you surprised me two days ago, okay? And I'm sorry to say that no, I don't remember any of these poems or short stories, except this last poem, which is still written differently from what I remember, okay? It has the same structure, but it has an additional line, and maybe a different word or three. As for kissing me, look, I know you and your girlfriend have a wonderful relationship, but please don't kiss me again. I know your girlfriend is not going to be kissing any of the boys in 'my' universe, so she probably won't like it if you were kissing a girl that you know is not her."
"Oh…okay," he sadly agreed, and he quickly changed the subject. "But Ah still don't know why yew needed Jolly Olly Man's schedule."
She put the notebook down and grabbed the schedule sheet again. "I was hoping I wouldn't need it because if my theory is true, then the only way I can go back and get your girlfriend back is going to be a bit…" she cringed. "…painful for both of us, and it's my last option because nothing we read yesterday can be done in any way, shape, or form. The thing is that, for some reason, I have 'your' Helga's last memories of 'this' world before she fell unconscious, right at the moment of the accident. If those memories aren't just random dreams, then that means that I did get here three months ago, and I'm the one who was in a coma for three months, not your girlfriend. And here's where you come in." He leaned closer, as did she. "I need to ask you some questions in order to prove or discard that possibility. You see, when I first woke up here, the doctor said that I had surprisingly good muscle tone for a girl my age. So, please tell me: did your girlfriend play a lot of baseball?"
Stinky looked at her, thought for a moment, and replied, "She…she juss' played as much as th' rest o' us did. Ah wouldn't say 'a lot', juss'…maybe once or twice a week?"
She nodded. "Did she play football?"
He sat back, somewhat shocked at the question. "Football? Why, Ah…no! Ah don't think Ah ever saw her play football!"
His non-girlfriend smiled, knowing she had the answer now. "Lastly, did she do any gymnastics? Or did you ever see her running around alleyways, streets, rooftops, or fire escapes? Running, hiding behind trees, or climbing trees to hide and spy or stalk on anyone? Snorkelling for maybe an hour or two, like a government spy?"
Stinky tried to reply; his jaw was moving up and down, but no words came out for the first minute. Finally, he blinked and shook slightly. "No! No, no, no, n' no!" He hit his knee with his fist. "She never did any o' that! Why would she have needed t' do that? She was juss' a normal girl doin' normal things, juss' like th' rest o' us! Is that what YEW did back 'n yewr world?"
PERFECT! I HAVE MY ANSWER…wow, he almost looks cute when he's upset—
She blinked and shook her head, trying to ignore her own love starvation.
"Y-yes, and that proves that I did not arrive in this world two days ago, but three months ago! Your girlfriend and I have similar bodies, but she wasn't as athletic as I am because she never had to stalk or sneak close to the boy she loved. We switched universes three months ago, 'Steven', not two days ago, and the only way we can switch back is—"
"THIS IS THE HILLWOOD POLICE! COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"
Both children stood in fright, almost losing control of their bodily functions at the gruff voice of a policeman with a bullhorn right outside the main door. Then, apparently someone snatched the bullhorn from the policeman, because they next heard:
"NO, STUPID! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE HER RUN AWAY AGAIN! I'LL HANDLE THIS!"
Helga's blood sank to her toes when she recognised Olga's voice.
She suddenly turned to Stinky, grabbed his shirt, and snarled, "HOW THE FREAK DID OLGA FIND US HERE?!"
"Ah…Ah don't know!" he whimpered, never having seen such fright and anger in her eyes, which he could swear flashed red.
Nope, she's definitely NOT mah girlfriend…
Helga shoved him away—he almost fell, too—and frantically peeked out through every window she could find.
And outside every window there was a police cruiser parked and waiting.
They were surrounded.
She ran up to him and whispered, "Are there any sewer openings here? Any secret exits?"
"Y-yes," stuttered the frightened boy. "Go round th' other room n' move th' couch a bit, th' exit's right—"
CLANG!
Both of them whirled and saw that the main door had been pried open with a crowbar.
They could only watch helplessly as Olga Pataki, holding said crowbar, entered and stepped down onto the dirt floor of the Safehouse.
Author's note: Cliffhanger!