Eleven
She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she last blacked out. The only thing she was aware of was the fact that she was back home. She had little recollection of what happened between the times she passed out and woke up in that room. A few memories of wandering down a dirt road came rushing back, along with running into someone who looked eerily familiar. Beyond that, her memories were foggy. It was only until waking up that she felt a pair of arms wrap around her. She knew in an instant it was Coulson from the warm embrace and the sigh of relief that followed. Though that didn't stop her from flinching at his sudden contact.
"It's been almost a week since we found you," he explained after she recovered from her initial surprise. Emily's heart nearly skipped a beat when she realized what he meant by that. She hadn't known at the time that much time had passed since she ran away. "How much do you remember?"
Her brows furrowed together as she tried piecing together shaken memories. But as she tried to, a blank fog settled in. Fear suddenly wormed its way into her chest as realization dawned on her. The only thing she remembered was seeing that man from the facility hovering over her and taking her somewhere. Everything else was a blur.
"I only remember running from the bus after reading about the Kelvin incident," she replied with a shrug while regaining her composure.
Her face was an eerie mask of calm despite the position she suddenly found herself in. Coulson frowned when he noticed her demeanor seemed to change within seconds. Her level of maturity was that of an adult… and that was something else that hadn't gone by unnoticed. McCoy was a bit more mature than most kids his age, but he was also raised mostly around adults as well. The only difference between them was the fact that he had an easier time of making friends at school.
She almost wished that she shared the same conviction. Having friends would have made her life somewhat easier at school. The familiar feeling of rejection suddenly left her gut wrenching with fear. She was only just beginning to realize how far apart she and McCoy were from reality. He had friends of his own to hang out with… he no longer needed her around to keep him entertained, and that thought alone left her wishing she had seen the signs sooner.
"We'll try talking about it when you're feeling better, okay?" he reassured her.
Emily couldn't help but flinch at the thought of talking about it again. She was grateful he didn't press for more, but she knew that sooner or later they would start questioning what happened. Thankfully neither of them said much as she slowly but surely climbed out of the bed. She recognized the room in an instant. Hannah McCoy had offered her one of the spare bedrooms for whenever Coulson had a long-term assignment he had to handle. She was grateful for the gesture, especially since she preferred not being alone when it came to spending the night somewhere. Coulson had been the first to notice that odd behavior. He'd also been the first to try working on it by keeping her bedroom close by rather than sharing the same room. They worked on steps rather than forcing the change on her. Eventually she got better about sleeping in a separate room, but that didn't stop her from suffering from nightmares every night.
She held back a heavy sigh as they reached the living space down below. She wasn't surprised to find Hannah waiting at the kitchen table with a warm cup of coffee in hand, along with breakfast set up on the table itself. What did surprise her was seeing McCoy sitting at the table with a data PADD in hand. Emily froze instinctively when Hannah noticed her arrival. The older woman was far more gentle and compassionate than anyone else she'd ever met. She was taken aback by the fact that she'd reached her and gave her a warm, welcoming embrace. Emily blinked a few times as Coulson shook his head in amusement at the woman's gesture, knowing full-well that was just how she greeted everyone.
"We were all so worried about you, Emily," she said once Emily quickly regained her composure. Emily rose an eyebrow in surprise, but her surprise only lasted for a split second when she caught McCoy looking in their direction. "I'm just grateful you're safe and sound."
Safe is one way to put it, she thought bitterly. Sound was a whole different topic. The more she thought about it, the more she began to wonder if any place was truly safe. She'd run from the school bus because she was on the verge of losing control. The last thing she wanted was to put everyone on the bus in danger. Then there was the mounted problem of how everyone seemed to look at her at school. Attending classes was nothing more than a mistake… she couldn't shake off the fact that she was likely headed back into the fire rather than the frying pain.
The silence that followed was enough to unnerve anyone. Coulson said something quietly to Hannah, whose eyes widened in surprise before she gave a faint nod, looking mildly disturbed, if not worried. Emily was indifferent to all of it as she reached the table, not missing the way McCoy kept looking at her with something other than annoyance. She'd gotten used to seeing his scathing look along with everyone else back at school.
Apparently it was lunch time. She hadn't realized that it was the weekend, or that it was noon. Doctor McCoy was out on the field with the horses, though Emily suspected that was because of work and what happened with her. She couldn't help but feel guilty as realization struck her.
These people are going out of their way to provide a safe environment for her. She suddenly understood why Hannah was feeling so emotionally drained. And more importantly, she understood why Doctor McCoy had gone out of his way to avoid her once he was sure she would recover. Unease crawled through her at the thought of what would happen if she went one step further and left them entirely.
None of them would miss you, a voice told her.
She tried pushing the uneasy thoughts aside as she silently made her way to the table. She didn't miss the way McCoy kept looking at her every now and then. It was clear he felt the same way as his parents did: She sure as hell didn't belong here. She was never meant to have a normal life like Coulson wanted. And the sooner she realized that, the better off everyone was.
.
.
Emily let out a sigh of frustration as she studied the images sitting before her. After a day of awkward, tense silence that seemed to surround the family, she had long-since given up on the idea that they would take her back. Coulson was trying his best to maintain the peace, but she could tell from the way Hannah had been acting and the way Doctor McCoy avoided her that neither wanted nothing to do with her. The situation hadn't gotten much better when she realized McCoy himself went out of his way to avoid her. Within that time frame she began to understand where she stood in the world.
She shook her head at the thought and stuffed what she could into the duffel bag the facility had given her. She had more than enough clothing to last her for a while at least. She wasn't entirely sure where she would go, but staying was obviously not an option. Once she was sure the coast was clear, Emily quickly made her way down the stairs and left the house before Coulson could notice. Of course, she realized with a start that he wasn't even there. A small part of her was disappointed he wasn't there to try and stop her, while another part of her was relieved she wouldn't have to face her again.
"… do with her. Just when it seems like things are finally looking up, they begin spiraling again."
She flinched when she heard Coulson's voice echoing in the background. Emily peered around the corner in time to see him talking quietly to Maria. She knew the brunette was likely planning on staying for the rest of the week. She had little doubt that meant Coulson was planning to leave for another long mission.
"Phil, no one said raising a child would be easy, especially a child with the challenges she poses," Maria pointed out. Emily grimaced at the way Maria seemed to point out her every flaw. Not that she wasn't surprised with that notion. "It's going to take time for her to fully open up to anyone, and even that might be an impossible task."
Her heart sank as she realized what Maria meant by that. She would always be seen as nothing more than a burden, regardless of who took her in. She was only just beginning to realize what that meant. The more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt for putting him in that position. Coulson had given up everything so that she could have a better life. And she did nothing but run away from day one, wanting nothing to do with this sort of life.
"You're right," Coulson let out an irritated sigh. "Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way…"
Emily swallowed hard when she understood what he meant by that. She knew he would likely be ready to give up on her now that he knew she couldn't be trusted on her own. She pushed the uncomfortable thoughts aside as she finally turned to leave. The sound of pebbles crunching under her shoes was enough to catch their attention. She flinched at the stares that followed. Maria was poised to step in and catch her if she tried running; Emily realized with a start that the brunette wasn't afraid to throw her weight around if it was needed.
"I'm not going to stay if I'm just causing problems for everyone," she finally declared.
She watched in annoyance as Coulson shared an alarmed look with Maria. Neither seemed sure of how respond as realization dawned on them. Coulson's brows furrowed together with concern when he realized she had been listening to them. Worst still was that she likely thought they'd seen her as nothing more than a burden.
"Emily, you know—"
"That I'm not a burden?" she cut him off before he could finish. Her challenging gaze swept between Coulson and Maria. For a moment, the world suddenly felt as though it stood still. "I'm not an idiot… I know that's how you see me… I know that's how everyone else sees me. What's the point of staying if I'm just going to keep causing problems?"
She added the last part through gritted teeth. The more she, the harder it became to maintain her strong composure in front of them. It wasn't until Coulson stood up that she flinched. The feeling of arms wrapping around her suddenly followed after she squeezed her eyes shut. She half-expected him to lash out at her for talking back to them. That was what her father would have done had she given him attitude. It was also what some of the agents she ran across at the facility would have also done.
"Emily, you don't have to leave or go anywhere just because we had a few bad days," he reassured her. It didn't take long for her to melt into his warm embrace as she felt his acceptance reach out to her. "I know these last few weeks haven't been easy, especially with school starting. But it'll get better in time."
She wasn't sure whether or not she believed him. But the more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt for putting him in that position. He was going out of his way to provide a roof over her head and be the father she had always longed for. He was still new at the job and had room to grow. She knew in the back of her mind that she had to follow suit, whether she liked it or not.
.
.
It was early in the morning when they waited at the bus stop. Maria was with them this time around. Coulson, Doctor McCoy and Hannah were busy with whatever tasks needed to be fulfilled that day. Emily knew Coulson was busy with the agency, though that didn't mean Hannah and her husband weren't busy either. As usual, McCoy stood farther away from her. The other kids that were usually hanging out with him were loud and obnoxious. Though Emily noticed with a start that they seemed a bit more subdued around her. She finally caught McCoy looking her way, and the moment their eyes met was when she saw something other than the usual annoyance sweeping across those hazel eyes.
The moment the bus arrived was when she noticed a change in dynamics. Whereas McCoy usually sat with the other kids who took up the front of the bus, he sat with her this time. And for the first time in weeks, she found herself relaxing.
"I'm sorry," was all he said to cut through the awkward silence that followed.
It wasn't until taking hold of his hand and giving it a light squeeze that she felt him relax as well. He quickly returned the gesture, sending a thrill of electrical shockwaves through her. The feeling of hand-to-hand contact was so familiar to her that she found it far more comforting than she should have. But she didn't plan on pointing that out loud.
"How much do they know?" she asked quietly.
Emily knew the other kids had likely found out something happened to her. She had been gone for a week, after all. And before that she ran out of the bus, disappearing into the woods nearby. She wasn't in any hurry to explain what happened during her time away from school and everything else. Those memories in particular were still hazy, aside from seeing that familiar agent again.
"They only know that you suffered a mild panic attack," he reassured her. "Most of 'em didn't even care."
He was suddenly quiet, and Emily didn't miss the hint of anger laced in his voice. She glanced at him self-consciously before shifting uneasily in her seat.
"Weren't you the one who said you didn't even know me?" she deadpanned.
McCoy flinched at the way she seemed to speak without little to no emotion. He knew at that point that she remembered everything that happened prior to that mess. He had been hoping that she would somehow forget what he did. But the moment she pointed out his reaction to her approach was when he knew he had to make up for his earlier behavior.
"Look, I know I was an idiot for actin' the way I did back there," he let out a sigh as he realized there was no backing out of this mess. Emily narrowed her eyes when he finally looked at her. The moment he did was when he found himself swimming within those dark brown orbs. "I shouldn't have pushed you away the way I did… Pa reminded me I could have more than one friend at school, even if that friend happens to be a girl."
She snorted at the petty belief that boys couldn't hang out with girls at a certain age. Growing up on a Starship had its advantages.
"Is that seriously the reason you tried pushing me away?" she retorted.
"Everyone else was doing it and I've known most of those kids from church," he tried defending himself, though even he knew that was weak. He felt embarrassed enough knowing that he'd acted like an idiot. Then for her to point it out only added to his earlier list of problems. "So… does this mean we're friends again?"
Her lips pursed together when she caught him giving her a skeptical, almost nervous look. After everything that happened recently, friends were desperately needed. She realized with a start that McCoy truly was the only real friend she had… and even that felt forced. But he was willing to give it a try, and she supposed that was better than nothing.
"I don't think we ever stopped being friends, Leonard," she admitted.
McCoy just gave her a look of disbelief when he realized what she meant by that.
"You mean to tell me I've been worrying over nothing?" he asked in annoyance.
"Well, those who worry do tend to suffer twice," she gave him a playful nudge as the bus finally pulled into the school yard.
If he wasn't smirking before, he was now after realizing that she was joking. It was the first time he had ever seen her look so carefree and joke around, and he realized with a start that it was like a breath of fresh air.
By the time lunch came around, Emily began to notice more and more kids were reaching out to her. McCoy sat with her at the table this time around. While his friends didn't seem to understand why he was taking his time with a girl of all people, they didn't bother questioning his sanity. One kid tried making a comment on how much of a 'freak' she was, but one mistake was all it took for him to receive a black eye and a bloody nose seconds later. She'd received detention of course as a result, but he never tried bullying anyone again after that.
"So the two of you live across from each other?" a redhead with green eyes known as Pamela Fritz asked curiously. Her friend Nancy Richards had also joined them, and Emily suddenly found herself feeling overwhelmed with so many new faces. "Must be nice to have such a close friend… Nance and I pretty much grew up together in church."
Apparently church was an important tradition in the South. McCoy's family had brought her along to a few services here and there, but she'd never understood the need or the relevance to it.
"It has its ups and downs," she replied with a shrug. "It's good to have a friend I can talk to when I need one."
She glanced at McCoy thoughtfully when she caught his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. It was the first time anyone had ever said that to him… at least in a public setting. The rest of the day had gone by in a similar manner, and for the first time since school started, Emily was beginning to feel as though her world was finally changing for the better.