PA2: Hello hello, everybody! Welcome to the good, good, good, the good eleven!
MP: That was an obscure reference, even by my standards. But we're glad to be back. Unbelievably, we originally thought that this adventure would be only a single chapter!
PA2: And now it has expanded tremendously, much to our enjoyment. This set of chapters was a delight to work on, and I'm very happy that we're getting to share the first part of it before the end of the year.
MP: You know, do something to improve 2020. Also, you might notice that the chapter's title is different than we previously promised. We decided it wasn't so fitting for this chapter, so we moved it. Also, we're the authors; we can do what we want!
PA2: And right now, what we want is to shut up and let you read. Enjoy!
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Jackie Chan Adventures: Olympian Journey
Chapter 11: To Ares, Human!
"This mac and cheese is amazing," Captain Black complemented, trying not to make too much eye contact with the goddess across the table. He chewed and swallowed, smiling big. "What's your secret?"
"Oh, just the right mix of cheeses," Hestia said with a smile and a wave of her hand. "And a little mustard added in gives it a zing."
The two were sitting down to an early lunch together, something that had become nearly an everyday occurrence at Section 13 lately. Sometimes others joined them, but Captain Black never seemed all that happy when they did. It was taking an awfully long time to work up the nerve to ask her, and having an audience didn't help.
"It certainly does!" Captain Black exclaimed, trying to keep the conversation going. "Actually, maybe you could teach me some of your recipes?"
"I would be happy to," Hestia replied, grabbing a forkful from her own plate. "Actually, maybe I should start a class. Chow and Ratso were asking the same thing yesterday, so I know there's interest."
Captain Black sighed. She wasn't making this easy. He might just have to be more direct. "I was sort of hoping we could do something...you know, just the two of us. Like a-"
"Ai-yah!" came a familiar voice as the cafeteria doors swung open. Captain Black groaned and put his head in his hands, while Hestia merely tilted her head in confusion.
"Every time," Captain Black muttered, before turning in his seat and glaring at Uncle, who was heavily panting near the side of the table. "What's wrong, Uncle?"
"A new power has revealed itself," said a new voice, as Prometheus elbowed through the double doors carrying the amphora. Jackie, Jade, and Tohru were right behind him. "We're going to need your resources again."
"Which one is it?" Hestia asked, staring at the golden mist that poured from the urn.
Jade jumped up on a chair as Prometheus set it down at the table. "Let's find out!" she said, swiping the mist with her hand.
The mist swirled and changed color, displaying the image of a muscular man in heavy armor, scowling out from under a bronze helmet. He carried a wickedly sharp spear in one hand.
"That's Ares," Prometheus reported.
"The God of War?" Jackie asked.
"What, like that video game?" Jade said, looking up at her uncle.
"No, Ares was the villain in that one," Prometheus replied. "And I'd call him a god of violence more than a god of war. Of course, I'd also call him a spoiled brat who couldn't take a lick of what he dished out, but that's neither here nor there."
"To be fair, you said that of most of the gods," Hestia said with a scowl.
"And was I wrong?"
"Let's just see where the power is located," Jackie sighed, swiping a hand through the mist. The image changed to a map of the US, zooming in on the east coast before stopping. "Somewhere in North Carolina. That's interesting."
"What are you going after?" Captain Black inquired.
"We're about to see."
Jackie swiped the mist one more time, and the image changed again. It showed a bunch of men of various ages in uniforms - dark blue jackets lined with gold buttons, flat blue caps, and lighter blue trousers - standing aboard the deck of a small ship. All of them were wielding old-fashioned muskets tipped with bayonets. The image focused on the center one, a middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and an obviously fake walrus mustache, complete with matching sideburns. He was staring at the coast with a determined look in his eye, a telescope clutched tight in his other hand. Out on the horizon were the tall ramparts of a military fort flying a Confederate flag.
"Ai-yah!" Uncle complained. "Amphora must be broken! Showing us image of long-ago battle!"
Hestia let out a snort. All heads turned to her. "You're kidding, right?" she chortled. "That was clearly a reenactment."
"She's right," Captain Black said, nodding in her direction. Hestia smiled back, and he blushed and turned away, continuing his speech. "And if I know my Civil War history, which I do…" he trailed off as the Chans gave him a funny look. "It's a hobby. Don't judge me."
"Nobody said a word," Prometheus said, giving him a blank stare.
"Whatever. Today is the anniversary of the final day of the Second Battle of Fort Fisher. They must be doing a full reenactment at the site."
Jade whipped out her smartphone and tapped out a search. Ten seconds later, she turned it around to show everyone. "He's right," she reported, holding out the screen for everyone to see.
Uncle let out a grunt. "Uncle gets his information from books!" the old chi wizard insisted, turning up his nose. "The way it was intended! Will not find spells on world-wide spiderweb!"
"You'd be surprised," Prometheus said with a chuckle. "But that's not important right now. Obviously the power was in that man's bayonet. You had better get packing. Hopefully you can retrieve the essence before it latches on to any of these history nerds, because once it does, it'll be chaos. And we all know who thrives in chaos."
"Right," Captain Black said, pushing himself out of his chair. "I'll charter transportation right away."
"And I will retrieve our luggage," Tohru said as he turned to leave, only to stop as a dainty hand grabbed the back of his shirt.
"Actually, Tohru, dear," Hestia said, batting her eyes. "Would you mind staying here? I have another job for you."
"Can't it wait?" Jade asked. "Big T's literally our heaviest hitter!"
"I'm afraid it can't," the Goddess of the Hearth sighed. "But don't worry. I know somebody who can fill in for him."
"Who did you have in mind?" Prometheus asked skeptically. In response, Hestia merely turned and looked at him. After a few moments, Prometheus's eyes widened. "...You can't be serious," he said, shocked.
"Why, do you not want to go?" Hestia responded. "I thought you would enjoy the chance to get back into the world."
"Considering your primary condition regarding your help, forgive me for being a tad incredulous," the Titan growled, his fists clenching. "What's going on here?"
"That's my business and mine alone," Hestia said. "Now you can either take the opportunity or not, but...well, actually, you can do as I say or I can just leave this place defenseless."
"That's extortion!" Prometheus roared.
"I told you that there would be conditions to my help," Hestia replied calmly. "I never said that I couldn't change them."
"...Fine," Prometheus said, quietly. "You want me out of your hair that bad? I'm not going to complain. But I'll tell you this: I may not know exactly what you have planned, but I foresee that it will not go the way you intend."
"Has a plan ever?" Hestia asked rhetorically. "Resolve the situation with my nephew's power; leave my plans to me."
"As you never let me forget, my dear, plans never affect only the planner," Prometheus advised. "Tread carefully." He turned to the Chans. "Let's go. I foresee a struggle ahead. And there's about a thirty percent chance of Jackie getting stabbed with a bayonet."
"Bwah!"
"You'll live. That's why I gave humans a second kidney."
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"So we're off to steal a gun-mounted knife from a bunch of poindexters?" Vanessa said with a yawn as the mist faded, rising from her seat on a taxidermied ostrich and tumbling to the floor.
Eris brandished her severed arm, which had snapped off when the mist had begun to spew out. "Looks like it. And I don't want to see any of you slacking off this time!" she said, extending the detached limb to point at the trio. "The power of Ares is about as chaotic as it gets! I don't want to miss my chance this time!"
"Pardon me, Lady Eris, but is it not also because this power happens to belong to your favorite brother?" Kasahara asked as he tried to free himself from a hammock. "I remember-"
"Nobody cares!" Eris yelled, slapping Kasahara with the outstretched limb before cramming it back into its socket - backwards, of course. "It's ancient history! Literally! Focus on the now, as in 'I need this power right. Damn. Now'!"
"And what about the, ah, big guy?" Vanessa asked. "Our little entourage has never exactly blended in, but he's...well, he's a beast of a different kind."
Zhixin actually paused for a moment in his efforts to extricate himself from a massive sofa to high-ten Vanessa with his left arms for that one. "Ancient wisdom," the old monk added. "The crouching tiger is invisible, until teeth flash in the moonlight."
"Why don't you just tell me, you overbaked fortune cookie?" Eris snapped.
"If you are going to be rude about it," Zhixin growled, "then I will get to the point. Can you throw a...what is the closest English word...a glamour over him?"
"Of course I can," Eris huffed, struggling to cross her mismatched arms. "But I wouldn't be much of a teacher if I did everything for you, now, would I?"
"Well, you did give him his own corner to brood dramatically," Vanessa said. "I assumed you wanted to take care of it yourself."
The group turned to look at a darkened corner of the room, where a pair of eyes peered out at them, simmering with rage.
"Where are those shadows even coming from?" Kasahara asked quietly. "There was a window there!"
"He can have sunlight when he learns to behave!" Eris snapped. "Isn't that right, New Patches?" she asked, blowing a kiss. Said kiss then materialized as a bright pink heart, which zipped into the shadows. A few moments later, the creature emerged, the heart emblazoned on the side of his neck.
"I cannot control how you see me, but I would ask you not to call me that," it growled, its body slowly shifting as the glamour took hold. "I am not a replacement for your pet."
"Really?" Eris asked sweetly. "I feed you, I exercise you, I groom you, I train you, and I discipline you. Sure sounds like a pet to me."
"Even pets get names," the creature said. "And I recall you saying that you were done with the past?"
"...Heh, not bad," Eris chuckled. "You're definitely looking like a good investment. Anyway, let's get going, shall we?" Whistling, she stepped back as her chariot materialized, the storm spirits pawing at the linoleum floor.
"Can we even all fit?" Kasahara asked.
"Sure, just hang on a second," Eris said, before walking over to Kasahara and placing her hands on the sides of his head. With a slight press, he was crushed and flattened between them, and soon the entire fold-up man was stuffed into Eris's sash. With that done, there was just enough room for everyone on the chariot - although it wasn't too comfortable of a fit. As they groaned, the goddess snapped back, "Oh, quit whining! It's only across the country! Don't you make me pull this thing over!"
"We haven't even taken off yeeeEEEEET!" Zhixin started, only to begin screaming as the chariot lifted off the floor and rocketed out the open doors.
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Hours later, high above North Carolina as their helicopter approached the east coast, the Chans made their final preparations for the mission. Jackie, Uncle, and Prometheus had all changed their clothes to historically-accurate uniforms that Captain Black had been able to provide - although not all of them were Union.
"So we're all clear, then?" Jackie cried over the roar of the rotors, brushing lint off of his gray jacket. "We find the man that the urn showed us and get him to give us his bayonet, then get out of there as quickly as possible."
"Exactly," Prometheus answered. "The less time we have to spend there, the better. Every second we take is another second that the power could find a new host. Even without Eris, this battlefield will be crawling with people glorifying war and carnage, which is sure to pique the essence's interest."
"If she wanted carnage, she could have taken in a hockey game," Jade said, crossing her arms."Just how are you going to find one guy in all of that?" She was still in her usual orange hoodie and jeans, and had been pouting the whole trip.
"That is none of your concern, Jade," Jackie told her. "You will be staying with the guides and writing that extra-credit report on the battle, just like we agreed."
"Tch," Jade pouted. "Like I'd've even agreed to go if I knew you'd do this. But the question stands: how are you gonna find this guy? The term 'needle in a haystack' comes to mind."
"Easy," Prometheus chuckled, holding up his phone. It displayed a photo of the man they'd seen in the mist. "I had the foresight to snap a picture before it faded. Apparently this is Lieutenant Commander Kidder Randolph Breese, who led the troops into the final ground attack on Fort Fisher."
"How could you possibly know that?" Jackie asked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, let me guess: Divine foresight?"
"No, he was wearing a name tag," Prometheus said with a chuckle. "Actually, I was able to compare the costume against pictures of the major figures in the battle. Seems that whoever this guy is, he likes being in the spotlight."
"Which makes it all the more likely that he'll get way too into character and trigger the power, got it," Jade said, sighing. "So how are we supposed to find him?"
"Like I said, he's an important figure," Prometheus said, putting down his phone. "Plus, the battle is very scripted. He'll be easy to track down. Then we just have to grab the bayonet and get out of Dodge."
"Heh," Uncle muttered. "Let's see how picture works out when you're crossing through enemy fire! Locator spell is better."
Jackie cocked his head in his uncle's direction. "Uncle, it's just a reenactment. The weapons are all fake."
"Not if power of Ares finds a host! What if crazy actor gets angry when he loses his toy and becomes new war god trying to snatch it back?"
"As much as I hate to admit it, he's got a point," Prometheus grumbled. "Which is why we need to hurry. And, frankly, we need to collect ourselves."
The Titan reached under his seat and pulled out a thermos and a pile of plastic cups. Despite the rocking of the copter, he delicately poured out portions of steaming brown liquid and handed them out one by one.
"What is it?" Jade asked, eyeing the watery substance. It looked a lot like tea.
"Chamomile tea," Prometheus replied, pouring and sipping a cup of his own. "Drink up. It'll settle your nerves."
Raising their eyebrows in unison, all three of the Chans blew on their cups and took a sip. Convinced it was indeed just tea, they soon finished their rather small servings.
"That's very good, Prometheus. Did you brew it yourself?" Jackie asked politely.
"Indeed I did. I may not have Hestia's natural talent, but I've picked up quite a few things over the millennia," he said proudly.
"So now that we drank it, what's it really do?" Jade asked, shooting Prometheus an unimpressed glare.
"So cynical," Prometheus sighed. "Look, you'll know what it does if you need it done. If not, then it's just a cup of tea. Fair enough?"
"Jade, I trust Prometheus," Jackie said. "At least, I trust him not to sabotage us against Eris."
"Crazy old Titan should stop being so mysterious!" Uncle groused.
"And miss out on your expressions?" Prometheus chuckled. "Not on your lives."
"Setting down momentarily!" the pilot reported, breaking up the conversation. "I'm dropping you off right outside the fort's entrance. After that, I've gotta relocate, so buzz me when you're ready!"
"Understood," Prometheus reported. "But stay close; I have a feeling you'll be needed very shortly."
"Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that,"said Jade, rolling her eyes.
"You haven't heard it from me," Prometheus snapped back.
There was a thump as the helicopter touched down, and the rotors slowed to a stop. The group took a moment to appreciate the quiet before hopping out. Crowds of tourists were watching from outside with binoculars, but they made a path for the Chans as they passed through to the entrance to Fort Fisher, stopping at the information center.
"Be good and finish your repo-HAHAHAHA!" Prometheus began as they left Jade at the entrance, before dissolving into booming laughter, hand on his stomach. "Whew! Couldn't get through that with a straight face. See you when the coast is clear, kid!"
Jade looked around with a sigh. Wonder if there's anything good in the gift shop?
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"Thank you all for joining me," Hestia told the group as she walked down the hall to the vault, carefully holding the amphora in both hands. Tohru, Captain Black, Chow, Finn, and Ratso followed close behind.
"And thank you for that yummy cinnamon raisin bread," Chow replied.
"Made some great French toast," Ratso agreed, rubbing his stomach.
"I'm glad that you liked it," Hestia said with a smile. "Next time, try topping it with candied pecans. It adds a nice crunch to the mix. Anyway, since I came here I've been waiting for an opportunity to start a little project, and today seemed like the perfect time."
She stopped short at the door to the vault, a massive circular steel shield with the highest security in the already secure base. "Captain Black, would you please open this for me?"
Captain Black raised an eyebrow. For the first time since the goddess had joined Section 13, he felt a sense of unease around her. "You're not going to use the essences, are you?" he asked. There was a stern edge to his voice.
"Not directly," Hestia assured him. "I just need to be near them. They'll stay safe and sound inside the case."
The agency director continued to stare, but gave a curt nod and pulled out his security card. "Nobody touches anything," he warned, glaring at Chow, Finn, and Ratso. The three gave sheepish looks, and even Tohru looked intimidated as Captain Black swiped his card and, covering himself from view, entered the key code.
The door swung open with a creak, and the group stepped into the medium-sized room. Steel bars lined alcoves in the walls, most unoccupied. The only thing occupying even a single alcove was a terrifying Japanese mask, a wicked red demonic face with sharp teeth and bushy white eyebrows, mustache, and beard. Tohru let out a shudder as they passed it, standing just short of the lit floor at the center of the room. That floor, they all knew, was a deadly pressure-sensitive security system. If anything heavier than a drop of water were to land on it, multiple lasers would target and destroy it. It only made sense, though, to protect what was at its core.
In the past, the cylindrical plexiglass canister at the center of the pressurized floor had held the twelve magic talismans of Shendu, and later the chi of the eight Demon Sorcerers. Now, thanks to the combined efforts of Uncle and Hestia, the canister had been modified to hold the godly essences. Four wisps of energy swirled within, one gold, one royal blue, one grey, and one black. It was strange; in there, they seemed utterly harmless, completely incapable of the trouble they had caused.
"Should I turn off the sensor?" Captain Black asked the goddess, giving her another suspicious look.
"Yes," Hestia told him. "But don't open the case. We just need to be close to it."
Captain Black gave another warning glance to the ex-Enforcers, but stepped up to a computer panel and swiped his card again, entering a longer password this time. The lights on the floor went out, and the group slowly surrounded the canister. Hestia set the urn on the floor in front of her and held out her arms. Tohru took one, and a slightly sweaty Captain Black took the other. Chow, Finn, and Ratso joined as well, forming a tight circle around the godly essences.
"What exactly are we attempting?" Tohru asked, giving Hestia a side-eye.
"Contact," Hestia said simply. She closed her eyes and began to hum, and with a squeeze of her hands the others were compelled to join in. A warmth spread outward from Hestia to the rest of the group. Unseen by any of them, the urn spewed out more golden mist. "From a place of love and security, let my family hear my call," the goddess continued. "Guide your spirits to this place, and let your voices be heard!"
"Wait, is this a seance?!" Chow asked, his eyes blinking open behind his trademark shades.
"Who cares?" Ratso muttered. "I just like it when we do stuff together."
"Focus, please," Hestia told them. "Their presence is near. I can sense it. Approach, spirits!" she ordered in a louder voice. "Use the power of the urn and the remnants of your powers to guide you!"
"Is it even possible to contact the dead like this?" Finn asked, giving Hestia a funny look.
"I do not know for sure," the goddess answered. "But what's left of my family were able to commune with the hosts of their powers, so it is clearly possible. Besides, I have faith, as should you. With six divine essences and the willpower to make it happen, nearly anything is possible!"
Ratso broke the circle to count on his fingers. "Three, four," he observed, pointing at the case before turning back to the goddess. "With you, that's five, not six."
"You forgot the urn, which is infused with a significant amount of Eris's essence," Hestia explained. "A little chaos might be just what we need, too, when we are attempting the impossible. Now, let's try again."
Ratso returned to holding Finn and Chow's hands, and this time the group went quiet as Hestia called out again to her family's spirits.
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"Alright, pipe down, everybody!" Eris growled as the chariot began to approach the battlefield. "I'm sick and tired of dealing with all your complaining! This trip has been a misery and a half!"
"What complaining? I made one comment about our new comrade's bulk pressing into us!" Zhixin protested. Indeed, he and Vanessa were squished against the walls of the chariot by the new minion, his bulk massive even under the glamour.
"Maybe you didn't, but I had to deal with Kasahara moaning and crawling around my waist the whole ride!" Eris snapped, glaring at the miniature paper samurai poking its head out of her robes. "You're an international thief, how can you get airsick so easily? And don't even get me started on how prissy you were about the water landing!"
"I'm not apologizing for that," Vanessa sighed, a scowl on her face. "This is a naval reenactment, and there are ships all over the place. We'd get spotted in an instant. Not to mention that water messes with half of our powers."
"You just didn't want to get that pretty little trenchcoat of yours wet! And now look what I have to deal with!" Eris said, gesturing at the "battle" waging below them, if it could even be called that. Several men, mostly ranging from middle-aged to old, charging at each other in obviously choreographed fights, their "weapons" swinging wildly. Cannons fired powder bursts, producing a lot of flash but no actual damage. Even the "dead" soldiers were crawling up to one another and chatting as the fighting waged on around them.
"I told you not to expect much," the new Agent scoffed. "These events are nothing more than an amusement for those who seek to live in the shadows of past glory. There is no honor here, and certainly no true combat."
"Oh, it's worse than that," Eris said quietly, her voice menacing. "Do you know what the true purpose of war is?"
"...Chaos?" Kasahara piped up.
"Not quite," Eris answered. "Chaos is part of it, yes, but what war is about is blood. It's about rage. Athena wanted everyone to believe that war was strategy and tactics, planning and scheming, but when you have a weapon in your hand, those things fly out the window. Battles are bloody and destructive, people driven to kill and kill until there is nothing left, because otherwise, how else will they live with themselves? But this?!" She clicked her teeth. "This isn't war...it's war's corpse," she spat.
"...That's why you're so upset," Vanessa said quietly, even as Zhixin frantically shook his head at her. "It's not about us...it's about him."
"...Did you know Ares was the first of my family to really accept me?" Eris said, her voice soft. "I mean, most of them warmed up eventually, but he didn't need any prompting. He'd seen how chaos and battle go hand and hand. Some of my earliest happy memories were of riding on the back of his chariot, throwing Athena's perfect little tin soldiers into disarray. One look at us, and their minds were filled with nothing but hate. It was glorious! And if Ares saw this? He would weep." Sighing, she then twisted her neck around 180 degrees and glared at her minions. "So yes, I'm upset because I'm feeling sappy. You got a problem with that?"
"Not even a little," Zhixin said, nodding. "However, what you said brings a quote to mind. Ancient wisdom: In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity."
"Okay, that makes too much sense for you to have come up with it yourself, but I'm betting you're going somewhere with this," Eris said.
"Ignoring the first part," Zhixin sighed, "you said you've been gaining power all this time, correct? Do you have enough power to confuse mortal minds as you did before?"
"I wish!" Eris pouted. "But even after these past few months, I barely have enough strength to twist one guy's brain."
"In this particular case, I think one is all you need," Zhixin replied, gesturing down at the battlefield...or rather, past it to the boats nearing the beach. Eris stared at him for a moment, before her expression changed into one of dawning comprehension. Smirking, the monk said, "Do you think you can handle waiting on the power for a little while?"
"For something like this? Oh, it'll be no problem at all," Eris replied, before shoving her enforcers off of the chariot. "Keep the Chans busy!" she ordered as they fell, smirking as Kasahara unfolded into a parachute for the rest of them. Grinning wildly, she let go of the reins and began building an orb of swirling green mist in her hands, all the while looking down on a certain soldier with a massive fake mustache...
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Jackie, Uncle, and Prometheus raced across the battlefield toward the ocean. The field was huge, and people were everywhere, many pretending to shoot at them, but far too much was at stake to play along with what was basically a gigantic LARP. Uncle soon doubled over, but Jackie scooped him up in one arm as they neared the shore.
"Which boat is it?" Jackie asked, staring at the ships. The vessels had stopped in place, and were lowering dinghies into the water for the ground invasion.
Prometheus looked at his phone, then out at the boats. "That one!" he said, pointing to one of the bigger ones. "As soon as 'Breese' comes ashore, we ambush him and take the bayonet!"
"Not a bad idea," said a smug British voice off to their left. "Though I think I can make one amendment."
The group spun toward the source of the voice. There was Vanessa Barone, twirling her whip. Kahahara and Zhixin sprung out nearby, surrounding the group with a smirk. "We'll be taking the blade, Chan," Vanessa continued, "and all the power that comes with it. Back away now, or there'll be some extra casualties in this battle."
"What can you do?" Uncle demanded. "We have defeated you before, and will again!"
Vanessa smirked as Kasahara transformed into a praying mantis, racing around the Chans as he dug one blade-arm into the ground, creating a circle around them. When the circle was completed, Zhixin reached into his pocket and slapped a plate onto the ground, a dingy grey thing with a Greek word written on it in marker.
"Vythízetai?" Uncle read aloud, even lifting his spectacles over his head and squinting at the characters. "Uncle is still learning Greek. What does that mean?"
"It means-" Prometheus began as Vanessa snapped her whip at the dish. The dish shattered, but the word was projected in glowing light above the shards as the ground began to rumble, cutting the Titan off. The circle of ground sank deep down, a full ten feet below the rest of the battlefield, leaving them trapped.
"It means 'It sinks'," Vanessa said, still smirking as she relished the sight of her adversaries trapped deep beneath them. "We didn't get the chance to show off in Japan, but the boss has been teaching us some new tricks. Especially magic. And speaking of which, now, Zhixin! We've got them all ready for you!"
"Ancient wisdom," Zhixin wheezed, taking careful aim with all four of his hands as he charged up his energy blasts, "the cornered rat finds peace in eternity!"
"Oh, really? Then let's see how your new tricks stand up to this old dog!" Prometheus sneered. He dropped his bag on the floor and pulled out, of all things, a fire extinguisher.
"You were carrying that this whole time?" Jackie asked, staring.
"And I still didn't need to stop and rest," Prometheus laughed. "Jackie, boost me!"
Jackie nodded and obeyed, giving the Titan of Foresight enough of a lift to jump out of the pit. Zhixin could only stare as Prometheus came down in front of him, swinging the heavy metal canister directly in his face, knocking him off-balance and sending the blasts harmlessly into the sky. One kick to the face slammed Zhixin to the ground, knocking him out.
Kasahara, still a giant paper praying mantis, lunged at the Titan, but Prometheus held up the extinguisher and let loose a spray directly at him. The wet chemical concoction doused the fold-up man, reverting him back into his human form just in time to receive a fire extinguisher to the face.
"What the heck?" Vanessa snapped, cracking her whip absently. "How are you doing that? Even if you can predict our moves, you shouldn't be able to hit us that hard!"
"Oh, you actually figured out I could do that?" Prometheus asked, sounding mildly impressed. "Most people don't until after I've beaten them senseless."
"It's not difficult," Vanessa growled. "You're the Titan of Foresight. You predict the future. Trained fighters already can predict people's movements, so why can't you? But that doesn't make you able to hit us any harder! The three of us are seasoned fighters, while you-"
"Have had to live with barely any powers for millennia," Prometheus scoffed. "You think I could get by with just magic? You may be seasoned, but I've been training since before your great-great-great-grandparents were born! Knocking out punks like you in one hit? Child's play!"
"Then let the games begin!" Vanessa snarled. She snapped her whip at Prometheus's feet, but he jumped to the side, stumbling, and she lashed out again. This time Prometheus hit the ground, then rolled back. She let her whip fly a third time, catching the edge around him, and wrapped the Titan up within, hoisting him to his feet, then pulling back and spinning him around. The extinguisher slipped from his grip, thrown high into the air.
With a smile, the mercenary teleported in close and booted him in the stomach, her high heel digging into the scars above his liver. Prometheus stumbled back, but smiled. It took Vanessa only a second to understand why when the extinguisher met her skull. Without a word, Prometheus took her whip and used it to help Jackie and Uncle out of the pit, then gathered up the Agents of Chaos and bound all three of them with their own weapon.
"And Hestia won't let you help us?!" Jackie gasped.
"Yes, which means that she's got to be up to something over at Section 13 if she was willing to let me come," Prometheus grumbled, tightening the knot around the three groggy minions. "So let's get this over with so we can head back."
As Prometheus stepped away from the trio, though, he heard Vanessa groaning. "Oh, what is it?" he asked sarcastically. "Am I cutting off your circulation?"
"No, just annoyed," Vanessa sighed, leaning back against her still unconscious teammates. "It always stinks when you're made to look like chumps in front of the new guy."
"You should be used to it by-wait," Prometheus began, before halting. "'New guy'?"
"ANGRY CROW TAKES FLIGHT!" roared a new voice. Jackie, Uncle, and Prometheus scattered just as a figure, his features obscured by the light of the sun, crashed down onto where they had been standing, kicking up a cloud of dust.
"That voice!" Jackie gasped, staring at the rapidly dissipating remnants of the attack. There, standing in a small crater caused by his impact, was a very familiar, very muscular man in a blue vest. He had a long, shaggy mane of spiky red hair, a long, thin mustache, and a look of pure menace in his eyes.
"Hello, Chan," the man said, giving a mocking bow to the horrified archaeologist. He then looked up with a sickening grin. "Did you miss me?"
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"Not long until we reach land, boys," came the drawling voice of Colton Pennypacker III, deep in his character of Lieutenant Commander Kidder Randolph Breese. He addressed the entire crew of his vessel, a steam-powered, paddle-wheeled monstrosity that belched smoke everywhere - just the sort of perfectly authentic thing that true reenactors insisted upon. "In a matter of moments we'll be opening the ball, so ready your pig-stickers!" He finished by holding up his musket, pointing the bayonet out to the shore.
The entire crew groaned. Colton got this role every year, through merit of being the descendent of some unimportant soldier in this very battle (never mind which side he was on), and he got way too into it. Worse, he could throw one heck of a tantrum if other people didn't act their part as well.
"All of the men are armed and ready, Commander," one of the soldiers replied, giving a rather smug salute.
"Yeah, to roll over and play dead all day," another one muttered, prompting a snicker from a couple others. However, they stopped when Colton gave them a withering glare.
Meanwhile, behind a nearby cannon, a small girl in modern dress sighed gustily. "Jeez, this windbag talks a lot," Jade muttered. "The tour guide wasn't even this bad!"
Indeed, the tour guide at the information center hadn't been nearly as annoying, although he had been much drier. Jade only managed to last about five minutes before sneaking out, using her small size to her advantage among the oddly large crowd of listeners.
Her trademark hoodie stuffed into her backpack, she then proceeded to "borrow" a riding lawn mower and take off down the shoreline (Prometheus couldn't have been much more obvious with his little "hint" earlier). After commandeering a motorboat kept for emergency rescues (if this didn't qualify, what did?), all Jade could think was, It should not be this easy to steal a boat! Whatever the case, she climbed aboard, stealthy as always, and hid behind some barrels (what the heck was "hardtack", anyway?) while she waited to make her move.
The wait was agonizing. Apparently most of these reenactments were spent just talking old-timey and sitting around waiting for a signal or something. At least the weather was okay, but even in the best of scenarios, Jade wouldn't want to wait much longer.
"As soon as this guy puts that thing down, I'm going for it," Jade whispered, but the man would not drop his weapon. He held onto the musket as if his life depended on it- which, in a real battle, Jade guessed it would. "Come on, come on, hurry up!" she muttered frantically. "She'll be here any minute now!"
"Who, me?" came a whisper from behind the next cannon over. "I've been here for like five minutes already."
"Bwah!" Jade started, channeling her inner Jackie. She turned around and, sure enough, there was Eris, crouching behind a cannon, playing with her shrunken down chariot, and bouncing an orb of green mist in her off-hand. "Wait, why aren't you trying to-?"
"Too predictable!" the goddess scoffed. "Besides, I saw you hiding and I figured that we should talk, girl-to-primordial-force-of-chaos-in-the-form-of-a-girl. After all, you're not like the rest of your little team; you've got a nice thread of unpredictability running through that little body of yours."
"First off, ew," Jade said disgustedly. "Second, what exactly is there to talk about? You made your stance on things pretty clear back in that crazy courtroom, and I'm pretty sure I did too. I'd rather eat Uncle's garlic-and-mung-bean casserole than help you in any way!"
"Oh please. You're thinking way too logically. Trying to flip a hero? That's the oldest bad guy trick in the book!" Eris said, shaking her head. "I'm not about to lower myself to such a predictable trope."
"Then what do you even want?" Jade snapped. "You're not trying to convince me, you're not taking the power, you're not making any sense at all!"
At that, Eris slowly started to grin. "Now you're getting it," she said. "Has it really taken you this long to figure it out? I. Am. Chaos. I am madness and chance and everything that lies outside the world you know! I'm not something you can predict or plot or map out! I tricked Prometheus at the height of his power and left him a shell of his former self! What chance do you stand?"
"So that's it? You just wanted to talk to me so you could brag?" Jade asked, rolling her eyes.
"Well, that...and to distract you from my other little surprise," Eris replied, her grin stretching all the way across her face. It was then that Jade noticed that the ball of green mist was gone. And that the deck of the steamship was a lot louder than it had been before.
"What the?!" Jade shouted, leaping up from behind the canon. In front of her, the orderly lines of reenactors had dissolved into a frenzied melee, men tearing at each other's uniforms and lashing out with their replica weapons. Thankfully, the unloaded guns and dulled blades had prevented any critical injuries, but bruises and black eyes were in abundance.
"A little trick I used to use in the old days!" Eris said cheerfully, now perched atop her cannon. "Ares always loved it; it would get soldiers on the battlefield in the perfect mood to tear each other apart! And speaking of which…" Eris trailed off, gesturing to the front of the boat.
Already dreading what she would see, Jade turned her head, staring at the stoically standing Colton Pennypacker III...as well as the bright red glow of the bayonet attached to his musket.
"Show no mercy, officer!" Eris cackled, showing off her mismatched teeth. "To war!"
"Take no prisoners, men!" the Breese impersonator cried, holding his weapon high. A wave of red spread out from his bayonet in all directions, washing over the soldiers, as well as Eris and Jade, then making its way to shore. The men let loose inhuman howls and wild cheers, stomping their feet and hoisting their muskets as the ship neared the shore. "Let that field be painted red with their blood!"
"Okay," Jade said, backing away. "Really wishing Uncle Jackie was here right now..."
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"Hak Foo?" Jackie gasped, staring at the newcomer. "I thought you gave up crime!"
"When did loudmouth start working for magic burping lady?" Uncle demanded.
"Honest work wasn't for me, Chan," Hak Foo said with a sneer. "Besides, Lady Eris promised me power, and she has already delivered."
"Yeah, gloss over the whole 'assault' part," Vanessa muttered, glaring at the Black Tiger. "Just don't forget to untie us after you settle your grudge match!"
"We shall see," he told the mercenary. "After all, with no more Chans, what use will Lady Eris have for the rest of you?"
"There's still the sumo and a whole base of secret agents to take out," Vanessa replied smugly. "She'll need us if for no other reason than I doubt you'd want to waste your strength on such 'lowly fodder.'"
"...Your point is well made," Hak Foo conceded, taking a martial arts stance. "Very well, I shall deign to free you once this is finished. But for now, leave the Chans to me. Lion pounces on helpless wildebeest!"
Hak Foo threw himself at Jackie, hands spread wide, and Jackie gaped for a moment before his instincts kicked in. He jumped up to meet Hak Foo in midair, striking the larger man in the chest with both hands. Hak Foo was repelled and hit the ground on his feet, skidding back before running in with his hands turned upward. "Wild boar gores wolf!"
Jackie placed his hands on Hak Foo's shoulders and flipped over him, kicking him in the butt as he fell. "Baboon leaves tuchus exposed," Hak Foo whined, rubbing his hindquarters for just a second before turning and lashing out with his leg, striking Jackie hard to the side. "Ostrich kick!"
"Can't we talk this out, Hak Foo?" Jackie asked as he struggled to maintain his balance. Hak Foo's only reply was a shout of "Gorilla swings fists!", his sheer strength sending Jackie further on the defensive.
Meanwhile, Prometheus and Uncle watched on from a safe distance. "Should we be doing something?" Prometheus asked.
"You are Titan of Foresight," Uncle replied, giving Prometheus a wry look. "You tell Uncle."
"This could go either way," Prometheus said with a shrug. "Let's try to stay fresh."
It wasn't long before Jackie began to tire. He hadn't fought Hak Foo in quite some time, but the thug for hire hadn't lost his touch. His speed, strength, and reflexes were all as keen as ever, and his moves seemed to be even more creative. Jackie continued to retreat among cries of "Centipede snaps mandibles!", "Frog lashes tongue!", and "Beaver tail slap!"
"Fiddler crab seizes mussels!" Hak Foo screamed, snapping his hands as he got closer. Jackie ducked and kicked at Hak Foo's abdomen with both feet, but Hak Foo barely faltered before swinging a leg out with a cry of "Elephant lifts its leg!" Jackie was nimble, though, and jumped right over the leg, punching Hak Foo square in the face. Hak Foo skidded back, blood dribbling from his nostrils.
Putting a hand to his nose, Hak Foo gave a wicked grin as he stopped moving for a second. "You are as skilled as ever, Chan," the Black Tiger complemented. Over his shoulder, a wave of red was spreading past the beach. "But I still have a few surprises waiting."
"What are you-" Jackie began, only to be interrupted as the spreading red haze swept over the group, bathing the entire battlefield in a gory crimson. For a moment, his body was filled with intense anger, his breath coming hot and fast, only for it to be countered by a wave of calming warmth emanating from his stomach, bolstered by his own desire to maintain control. As he relaxed, he turned to look at Uncle, who was shaking his head blearily. Prometheus seemed completely unaffected, which was what Jackie had expected. The old Titan was just stroking his beard in nervous anticipation, his eyes darting back and forth between Hak Foo and the ship off the coast.
The Agents of Chaos, meanwhile, had a far different reaction. Zhixin and Kasahara's eyes snapped open, and all three looked as if they had been filled with renewed purpose and energy. There was a light in their eyes; manic, and yet tempered. As they turned to look at Jackie, he felt their gazes as sharp as steel. And as for Hak Foo...the martial artist was cackling madly, every muscle in his body swelling up.
"Do you feel this, Chan?!" he bellowed, grinning wildly. "This is the fog of war! The blood-red haze that drives men to paint the earth with their bodies! With the blessings of the God of War, now the stage is set for me to fight in earnest! Behold! Black Tiger shows his stripes!"
As Team Chan looked on in a horrified stupor, Hak Foo's entire body started to tear at the seams, skin loosening and falling from the muscles, his veins standing out like cables against his bright red muscles. As his bones twisted and snapped, Jackie noticed a small pink heart appear on the side of Hak Foo's neck, shooting sparks of rainbow-colored light. However, that mark was quickly burned away as Hak Foo's entire body became shrouded in a haze of that same bloody, violent red. His body hidden but for the eyes, the martial artist kept glaring even as his body became completely obscured.
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Finn let out an exasperated sigh. It had been over an hour since Hestia had begun the seance, and since then she had called out again and again, first to the gods as a whole, then to the individual gods by name. In spite of that, the only thing that changed in the room was a growing air of frustration. Hestia, normally so composed, began to look frazzled and sweaty. Her head drooped down as she kept calling out, louder and louder, until she grew hoarse.
"Too bad we didn't bring snacks," he replied.
"I could really go for some more Hestia's cooking right about now," Ratso pointed out. "A nice Italian wedding soup or minestrone would hit the spot."
"Seance now, food later," said Captain Black, although, too, was craving a thermos of hot soup right about now. He had a cold chill running down his spine, and he had a feeling it had nothing to do with the temperature of the vault.
However, just then, a hot rush of blood pulsed through his veins, taking him from cold to uncomfortably hot in less than a second. At the same time, for just a moment, his eyes flashed with searing anger, before it and the heat were gone Looking at the Enforcers and Tohru, he could see them shaking their heads confusedly. "Did everyone just feel that?"
"Indeed," Hestia told them. "Don't worry. It cannot hurt you. In fact, it may be just the push we need."
"You can't be serious," Captain Black said, his eyes wide with shock. "Hestia, I'm not 100% sure what that was, but I have a pretty good idea. And if I'm right, then being near these powers is the last thing we should be doing, let alone trying to communicate with them!"
"Do not take this opportunity from me!" Hestia snapped. Captain Black flinched at the show of force. The gentle, matronly Goddess of the Hearth hadn't talked like that since he'd met her in Mount Olympus, and even then only to Prometheus. "I have waited much too long for this chance, and I am not about to stop now!"
"If you will not, then I will," Tohru said. "Captain Black is right. This is getting far too dangerous." With that, he attempted to pull free of Hestia's grip...key word being "attempted", as despite audibly straining, the goddess's hand would not budge.
"Hestia, let go of him!" Captain Black snapped, trying to pry his own hand out. "If it means that much to you, we'll try it again af-"
"No more after!" Hestia growled, her hair standing on end, her body glowing with a fiery aura. "No delays, no hesitation! The power of Ares is on the precipice of incarnating! If we wait any longer, we will lose the opportunity!" With that, Hestia suddenly flew up to the ceiling of the vault lifting Captain Black and, amazingly, Tohru off their feet. The inertia also pulled the Enforcers off the ground, albeit only an inch or so. "Come to me, spirits of Olympus! Let your voices speak again after all these centuries!"
In response to her words, the glowing orbs of the powers suddenly expanded, filling their container with multicolored light. The air began to be filled with static electricity, sparks glowing on everyone's clothing. Even Hestia was affected, electrical energy arcing along her robes, her eyes alight with power.
As the leader of Section 13 and the sumo frantically struggled, the Enforcers paralyzed with fear, one thought was running through Captain Black's head. That wave of rage...that wasn't Ares activating?! Then what is it going to look like when he does?
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"Ah...I love the smell of blood in the midafternoon," Eris chuckled, her eyes fixed upon the steadily increasing glow of the bayonet in Colton Pennypacker III's hand. "Can you sense it yet, little girl? All that rage and anger coming to a boil? That's what war really is. Not the watered-down nonsense these fools were dealing in before."
"Yeah yeah, glory of battle, you're evil, we get it," Jade said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Do you know you've got broccoli stuck in your teeth?"
"Nice try, sweetie, but I can see the sweat," Eris sighed. Indeed, despite Jade's flippant demeanor, her brow was covered in cold perspiration. "Your determination is impressive, but you shouldn't try to kid a kidder, kid. Especially not one like me."
"You mean a raving loon who gives up her best shot in months?" Jade fired back. "You could've taken that power right now, and instead you're giving it up to some bozo in a bad costume!"
"Oh, believe me, I would've loved to take the power right away, but there are things more important than that," Eris replied. "If I took the power, I'd be able to tear apart this playground with my bare hands. And bear hands, for that matter! But if this guy gets it? With all his 'martial pride'? Then he's going to flip the script on this little 'battle'. And that's a chaos that's worth seeing."
Jade opened her mouth to rebut, only to be interrupted as the glow of the bayonet became blinding. As the red light became more and more intense, covering Colton like a sheet, she was forced to turn her eyes away.
Eris, however, was staring at the light with a curious expression. "Something's...weird," she said to herself. "The power shouldn't be this intense this soon. What exactly is going on?"
Meanwhile, inside Colton's head, the man could discern nothing but the sound of screams. Moreover, where a divine voice should have been heard urging him on, there came only the sound of chains rattling and snapping...almost as if something was trying to break free.
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In the Section 13 vault, Captain Black and Tohru were still frantically struggling to escape from Hestia's grasp, but to no avail. Down below, the Enforcers had long since passed out from fear, but whatever magic was occurring had kept their bodies standing upright rather than slumping to the ground. Despite their best efforts, the circle remained unbroken, and the lightning was now arcing from hand to hand around it.
"Yes! Come to me, my family!" Hestia shouted joyously. "Let me hear your voices once more!"
"Hestia, listen, I am ordering you to-" Captain Black began, only to stop short. His body came to a complete halt as he felt the weight of a mountain crash into his mind, probing and prodding. The force was so powerful, so invasive, that the captain almost gave in on pure reflex. However, once the initial urge had passed, he found himself instead dominated by a surge of righteous fury, magnifying and focusing his will to a needle point. With gritted teeth, he snapped his head to the side, flinging the presence out of his body.
"Ha...ha…" Captain Black panted, his breath coming fast and quick. "Toh...Tohru, are you alright?" he asked, turning to look at the sumo. However, Tohru made no sound, his body hanging limply in the air. "Tohru!"
Before Captain Black could say anything else, he winced as the air became filled with the sound of shattering chains, iron links bursting one right after another. Immediately, he found himself plummeting to the ground, smacking into the floor with a pained gasp. From the heavy thuds next to him, it sounded as though Hestia and Tohru had fallen as well.
"Hestia, what just happened here?!" he shouted, trying to push himself to his feet. He felt completely drained, his body strung out like an old rope. As he managed to lift up his head, he saw Hestia in a similar position.
"I-I don't know!" Hestia replied, sounding oddly frantic given her usual demeanor. "They should be here! I felt the seance work, so why aren't they talking to me?"
"Hestia, forget about the seance for a second and focus on helping everyone!" the captain snapped, before craning his neck to look at Tohru's still form. "Tohru!" he called again.
"'Tohru'...is that what this body is called?" came a deep voice, like the rumble of thunder over the horizon. "Hardly a fitting name for one who houses the king of the gods, but I suppose that any flesh is better than none."
"Tohru, what are you talking about?" Captain Black snapped, only to gasp as Tohru raised his head and glared at him. His eyes were open and crackling with golden electricity…exactly the same shade as the first sphere of divine essence within the container.
"You speak to Zeus, foolish mortal," the being in Tohru's body said, while down below the Enforcers opened their own eyes to reveal similar divine glows. "And after thousands of years, it is good to breathe once more."
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Back on the battlefield, Jackie and Uncle were still staring horrified at Hak Foo's shrouded form, when Prometheus put his hands to his head and screamed, collapsing to the ground.
"Prometheus!" Jackie shouted, rushing over to the Titan. "What happened?"
"I don't know!" he snapped, shaking his head. "The divine energies are all muddled! All I know is that something really bad has happened over at Section 13!"
"Ai-yah! Forget war god! Need to head back immediately! Must protect other powers from forces of chaos!" Uncle declared, only to be interrupted by a low, dangerous chuckle.
"I'm afraid you aren't going anywhere, old man," Hak Foo said, the mist around him fading. "That is, except to the next world. But don't worry," he continued, baring a grin that, even in the shadows of the vanishing fog, seemed far too sharp and pointed to belong in a human mouth. "I'll make sure that the journey will be a swift one."
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On the boat, the red shroud around Colton began to fracture and splinter, dissolving back into energy.
"Finally!" Eris snapped, glaring at the slowly emerging form. "Jeez, how long does it take for you to get ahold of yourself?"
"Sorry, Eris. This new flesh took a moment to get used to," came a voice. Behind Eris, Jade's eyes widened. For all that she'd tuned him out for most of the trip, she had a pretty good memory of what Colton sounded like. This? This wasn't it.
"What the heck is going on?" Jade asked, glaring at Eris. "What did you do to him?!"
But Eris didn't answer. She just stood transfixed, staring at the rapidly dissipating cocoon of energy. "It...it can't be...th...there's no way…"
"Oh, is that disbelief I hear coming from the Goddess of Chaos?" the voice, a low and rich tenor with a slight edge, like a cobbler's shears slicing into fine leather, chuckled. "Didn't you tell me yourself on the plains of Ida, 'Nothing is beyond the possible when the gods are concerned'?" As he finished, the figure stepped into the light revealing himself fully. It wasn't Colton; not even slightly. Where the rather gangly man had once been was a tall, handsome warrior, his hair jet black, his eyes blood red, and his teeth bone white against his tanned skin. His muscular frame was covered in finely crafted bronze armor, embossed with scenes of violence and carnage. In his right hand, he held a gleaming spear, albeit with the distinct blade shape of a bayonet, marking its status as the transformed musket.
"It...it really is you," Eris sighed, before rushing over to the man. To Jade's shock and horror, the Goddess of Discord embraced him, twining herself around his body like a vine. "I never thought I'd see you again...my favorite brother. My darling Ares."
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MP: I'll tell you, I wasn't looking forward to this chapter as much as some of the others, but the return of a fan-favorite character kept me going!
PA2: As for me, I loved exploring Eris and the Agents a little bit more here; they're honestly some of my favorite characters to write, especially given how different they and their relationships are from previous sets of JCA villains.
MP: We sometimes disagree on that, but we've achieved a happy medium, I think. Well, anyway, come back for the next violence-filled chapter, "Fortress of Brawlitude", and be sure to fave, follow, and review!
PA2: Maybe share which characters you like best, while you're at it! We'd love to hear your opinions, as well as any theories you have about what's going on right now, and why we have Ares back in the flesh! And until next time, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Chanukkah, a...Grand? Kwanzaa, and most important of all, a Festive Snowflake Day! Now, let us all join in a traditional "All-Religions-are-Equally-Valid" Snowflake Day Celebratory Cabbage Patch!
MP: *begins Cabbage Patching* Can't wait for that show to reboot…