FTAWM Chapter 11

Eric POV

Faith was here late at night, in her robe, hair pinned up, even some makeup around her beautiful violet eyes, claiming to want to negotiate terms. And not just any terms – terms of surrender. And I had no idea what was going on. Before I could even process that statement, she continued.

"I know I've said a lot of things that I'm going directly against by being here but…but I like to think I know when to give up and-and I know you've likely seen this coming for a long time, so maybe I really don't know when I'm beat." She said quietly, and before I could take in any of that statement, she was kneeling in front of me and hell, was she doing this on purpose?

Tempting images slipped into my mind unwarranted, especially as my eyes caught the small gap at the top of her robe from kneeling giving me a peek at the dark lace beneath it leading my eyes upward to her throat, which I abruptly realized was bare. She'd removed her necklace; and that fact was what told me something was very wrong.

I grit my teeth as more images came to mind and tried desperately to focus on and fully comprehend what she was saying and doing. What was happening? And how could she not know what effect she was having? And then my efforts were rewarded as her next statement completely blindsided me.

"I'm ready to beg; I'll do anything if you promise you won't remove me from the children's lives. I- they're all I have left. And I know I promised and threatened a lot of things in anger, but, Eric, I'm so tired, knowing all my efforts will be pointless on the scale of centuries. I'm so tired of fighting you on things I know you're going to get in the long run. And knowing all I do about my power and what it means for myself and for you, I just – I don't… I'm at the end of my rope," she said brokenly, but obviously frantically trying to hold herself together. She took a deep, shaky breath and continued, "So, these are my terms. For one night, do what you will, and then you'll have all you want and I'll be…well, as free as you allow I guess, but– that's the risk I have to take, and I don't trust you, but," she paused and met my eyes, "I don't really have any options left." She bowed her head again.

I was reeling. She did know what she was doing, but it gutted me to know why she was doing it. She was so resigned and so wrong it shook me to my core; any desire I had previously been feeling was quashed by the wave of nausea I felt at the thought of following through on her request.

This was not my Faith. It couldn't be. She stayed kneeling, awaiting my next move, making me sicker by the moment – I simply couldn't process with her sitting there so passively. I needed space, but I couldn't send her away—this needed to be addressed. My options were limited, so, regardless of the connotation, the bed was at my back. "Go sit on the bed," I said looking away from her, my voice harsher than intended at the anger and disgust building at myself for allowing things to come to this.

In my periphery, I saw her slowly rise and disappear behind me and heard the rustle of the bedding as she sat, followed by deafening silence.

What the hell. What had I done to her? I stood frozen, and while knowing she was at my back was still distracting, it was much less so than when she'd been kneeling in front of me. She wasn't in her right mind – that was my first thought, but it was dismissed quickly, she was still herself, though surprisingly calm and collected for the current situation. I had to figure out what was going through her head, why did she see this as her only option? Again, I asked myself what I'd done to her.

My mind raced back through our last discussion, a discussion that had ended with her walking away in tears after she'd pleaded for me to take away her power. Was that where her mind still was? Did she even understand what this kind of bonding would entail? Why was she doing this? What was she thinking? All these questions swirled in my head, and though I wanted to try to grasp what was happening I knew I wouldn't truly know until Faith told me.

I had to get into her head. I sighed to myself, it wasn't a great approach, but I was tired of the evasions, I needed to know with absolute certainty what was running through her mind.

I slowly turned and found Faith still sitting quietly on the bed eyes downcast, pulled into herself so far, she looked like she was trying to disappear. I walked over carefully and circled around to the other side of the bed and was alarmed to watch as Faith turned and laid down, obviously expecting that I was taking up her offer. But as I sat and turned to face her, I saw beyond her compliant façade. She was terrified. Her breathing, though quiet, was shallow and rapid. I could hear her heart beating much too fast, and her eyes were shut in a worried furrow, hinting that she was fighting a losing battle with panic. Something else was off that I couldn't put my finger on.

I moved closer and sighed before carefully placing my hands on her temples, making her eyes fly open as she flinched away but I held fast, moving to straddle her to corral her attempts to flail out of my grasp, though putting none of my weight on her, searching desperately for a way into her mind and grabbing on tightly the moment I found her train of thought.

The moment I connected with it, I was barraged with an avalanche of anxieties. I could barely grasp one before another immediately took its place. I dug deeper into the mountain as most of her current thoughts were centered around what I was doing or thinking right now, but I needed to know what had brought her to this. It was delicate work as I went deeper and deeper, I was only able to do so due to my familiarity with how her mind worked. A wrong move could wreak devastating damage as our minds sparred. And then I struck gold, freeing a mass of grotesque thoughts that overcame me in quick succession. I was assailed by her fears, worming into me, engulfing me to become my own.

I saw so many things so quickly, one after another with no time to process what I was seeing, or hearing planted into my consciousness. I saw Faith pounding on our door in tears, crying out for the children. I saw her sitting in a dingy, dark room scrambling away from my forceful touch, one of her ankles chained to a bed. I saw visions of us mid-coitus as I tore her power from her without regard. I saw myself pulling Solomon out of her grasp with Eleanor already behind me holding onto my leg. I saw Faith dressed in finery parading on my arm among faceless masses, my grip digging into her flesh. And I heard things too that branded themselves icily into my consciousness.

He wants to control you. He's just saving face. He's punishing you. He'll use you for eternity. He wants your power. You're an unfortunate side effect. He doesn't l-

All of this rooted into my mind in an instant and I recoiled immediately our tenuous connection breaking as Faith simultaneously pulled away, my breathing labored and unsteady, not even ten seconds having passed. Faith had sat up and was staring wide-eyed at me, pure shock and horror on her face, something I knew was mirrored on my own.

I sat back from her, "I do not accept your terms," I said thoroughly shaken, trying to process everything.

Faith crumpled and, after a momentary pause, did something completely unexpected throwing herself into me, her arms wrapping around my torso. I shifted on reflex, allowing her legs to fold back under her as she fell into me, completely dissolving into tears.

I held her, feeling her tension melt away as she cried harder, cradling her still as I tried to process everything I'd seen and heard that had been buried within her. Every terrible, dark fear of hers had burned itself into my mind and the searing pain that came with that knowledge was starting to sink in as the shock wore off. "La naiba, Faith," I breathed as I gently released her hair from its pins and stroked it absently, haunted by all I'd just experienced. As the minutes passed I carefully moved to sit more comfortably against the headboard, Faith still clinging to me, resting on my chest. I could feel her tears soaking my shirt as her breathing slowed and became heavier. She moved to get up, but I tightened my grip on her ever so slightly and breathed only one broken word, "Stay." She didn't fight me but finally responded.

"Why?" she asked in a pleading, tired whisper. And for once, I heard all of the questions contained in that word: Why should she stay? Why had I spared her? Why had I denied her? Especially when I'd said how this was consummated was in her hands – why wouldn't I take her up on such an easy offer? One she'd clearly fabricated so she couldn't hold it against me? Why was I holding her instead of sending her away? Each question swirled in my mind, but before I could form a coherent response her breathing became steady and quiet. She'd fallen into an exhausted sleep. I gently shifted her off of me but refused to move from her side.

I laid awake trying to piece together what I'd seen, trying to understand her nightmares. She shifted, turning over in her sleep and my attention was drawn away from my inner turmoil and instead focused on the beautiful woman next to me. Her robe had shifted, and I saw she was wearing nothing but her undergarments beneath it. Her hair was resting at odd angles where I'd missed a few pins and her tearstained face had smudges of makeup all around her eyes. She still looked absolutely beautiful to me. I leaned in slightly, noticing that same something that was off. Her blood smelled different I realized, there was a sickly-sweet tinge. Drugs. She'd drugged herself in some form for tonight. I sighed heavily, this night just continued to get more and more concerning. I carefully laid down next to her, my mind still consumed with worry. A few hours later her eyes fluttered open to meet mine as I'd been watching her the entire time. She was silent for a moment before posing the exact same question. "Why?" she whispered.

"Because it would go against everything I'm trying to accomplish. I promised not to hurt you," I answered her.

"I gave you permission," she sniffled indignantly, though I heard the undercurrent of relief.

"I don't just want your permission."

"This was supposed to be over by now!" she frowned, sitting up, "why are you insisting on prolonging the inevitable! This isn't fun, Eric! I'm not something to toy with!" she said, her voice rising.

I sat up as well, meeting her tone, "I'm not toying with you! Where did you get all these horrifying ideas?" I pleaded, beginning to feel just as broken as her.

"I got them from you!" she accused.

Faith POV

I'd given him every opportunity, I'd even taken all responsibility, I couldn't have blamed him for what would have transpired – it would have been my doing. So why wouldn't he take it? Why had he refused me? Why had he spared me? Why had he dug into my mind and exposed my fears?

"This was supposed to be over by now!" I glowered sitting up, "why are you insisting on prolonging the inevitable! This isn't fun, Eric! I'm not something to toy with!" my voice climbing with my anxiety.

He sat up with immediacy, "I'm not toying with you! Where did you get all these horrifying ideas?" he entreated, sounding truly distressed.

"I got them from you!" I threw back at him.

"How?!"

"Maybe because you continue to push me to sleep with you! You did it the first time around, you're doing it this time too. Sure, you changed tactics but it's still the same game – seeing what it takes to make me give in to you.

"Or maybe it's not a game, like you say. Maybe, despite what you've said, I am really just a threat. How you'll handle me, who knows! You say you won't do the things you assign to Xavier, but what if you do? I'll be powerless to stop it! Or maybe you aren't that cruel, but still your only goal is to bind me to yourself for the sole reason that I can't be used against you. I'll just be a reservoir to drawn on if you need, but neither I nor anyone else can use my power against you.

"Maybe you knew this was coming as my only option because you started pushing the twins toward their vampiric nature, thus pushing me out of my last line of defense." My ranting tone subsiding as I brought out my last point, colored only by sadness and resignation.

"And sure, there's the slight chance that you'll have your power and I'll be free to do as I wish, or that you are only doing all this out of necessity and really don't want anything from me, but there's the very real possibility you're doing all of this out of revenge. To save face after I embarrassed you by escaping the first time. It solidifies your position that much more by having a mate that was strong enough to escape you, yet you were still able to bind her in the end and make her your own. Regardless of what it is, can you blame me for seeing what I do in the future? Can you blame me for being terrified of whatever outcome it holds but knowing there's nothing I can do to stop it?"

"But you locked those fears away and–" he didn't seem able to complete that thought, "Why wouldn't you tell me?" he tried again.

"Why would I tell you? There's nothing to be done regardless of your motivations! Ignorance is bliss."

"No, ignorance leads to these kinds of situations right here!" he said, raising his voice as he slid off of the bed and began pacing in agitation.

"And what situation is that? One where I finally tried to give you what you wanted, and you didn't even have the guts to take it!" I spat.

"This not what I wanted Faith, it would've been rape!" Eric roared.

"I gave you permission!" I screamed back.

Solomon POV

It had been hours ago that Ellie had woken me saying she was worried about mom and Eric. I, of course, had wanted to jump into action but Ellie had held us back until she knew the fight was escalating from their emotional clouds. When it finally reached a peak, she said we should go, but knowing she may see something she shouldn't I insisted I go alone.

Though I could hear absolutely nothing from down the hall, standing at the door I was able to pick up on their fight.

My eyes widened. This was not what I had been expecting at all. I thought Eric would be trying to hurt mom but from what I was hearing in this argument he was actively avoiding it despite Mom's invitation. I silently debated and decided there was nothing for to interrupt, they weren't hurting each other, at least not physically and it was a decidedly adult conversation. I snuck back to our rooms as quietly as I'd come out and assured Ellie it would all work out, though I kept my fingers crossed.

Eric POV

"You were still being coerced in your mind and you weren't even in your right mind! If you had to drug yourself to even follow through on your plan, something was wrong with it!" I retaliated, shuddering inwardly at how easily I could have missed the signs.

She paled visibly, stopping short and pulling her legs to her chest, "How-how did you know that?" she said fearfully, all anger evaporating.

"I could smell it," I said walking back slowly, carding my hands through my hair agitatedly, and sitting down across from her. "How did you even obtain it?" I finally asked.

"They're leftover from a few years ago. I had panic attacks for a while, they're a lot rarer now, but I have the meds just in case," she said looking down at her hands.

"Dare I ask how many doses you took?"

She didn't answer.

"You didn't find something concerning about the fact that you had to drug yourself in order to follow through with your plan?" I asked pointedly.

She said nothing, finally falling silent as I found a solid foothold in the argument.

"And again, for the record, that is nothing that I wanted. And those fears that you've let fester for so long, have no basis, and I could have told you that long ago."

"But do I really know that?" she whispered looking up at me so afraid, hugging her knees even closer, "I don't know anything until I'm bound, and then it's too late."

She wasn't wrong. And I hadn't missed her reoccurring substitution of 'bonding' with 'binding'. It spoke volumes to how she viewed our situation.

"You want me to be honest, Eric? Brutally honest?" she asked quietly.

"Brutal or otherwise, please, just…talk to me," I said, gently placing my hand on one of her feet and gazing at her expectantly.

"As terrified as I am of the prospect of bonding, it's nothing in comparison to the anxiety I have about what you have planned for after. All those fears you saw, you keep telling me they're unfounded, you keep telling me that you wouldn't, you keep assigning them to these faceless others, but I have no proof of that. I have no precedent for that – from you or your ancestors. And no matter what you have planned, I don't know if I'm ready to accept even the most ideal outcome."

"And what do you believe that to be?"

"One where this happens once, and I'm then left to my life."

"I've already told you that's impossible," I said quietly.

She bowed her head, "Why would I take your word when this all so obviously benefits you?"

"I worry if that's your ideal outcome, Faith. I don't have to be the only one that benefits," I pointed out gently. "I don't want to be either."

She was silent, but I could practically feel her skepticism. I wondered at her resigned nature. There was some detail I was missing. She moved to leave but I caught her arm, "Wait, don't go. We haven't negotiated terms."

She paused but refused to look back at me, "You seemed pretty clear on your terms, and I won't be offering mine again. I'm going to bed."

"Then why not stay," I said. "My terms are that you should sleep here again. There's no sense in you leaving every night if we are ever going to become comfortable enough to bond."

That made her turn around as I released her, eyes narrowed in distrust, "If you're going keep your hands to yourself, then what's the point?"

"What's the point of not staying here? If you're stuck on inevitability, you will end up staying someday - so why not start now on negotiated terms?" I countered, trying to use some of her own logic against her. "I'm just trying to build some trust, Faith. Do you have a compelling counter offer?"

She wavered, "No," she relented, "but I'm going to go change first," she said turning and leaving before I could object.

"A loss, but predictable" I muttered to myself.

She returned a few minutes later, and I smirked as I was equally relieved and disappointed to see her cross back around her neck. She seemed to notice my gaze and frowned slightly as she lifted the comforter and slid into bed far away from me.

"I may not be able to wear it during the day, but I refuse to give it up altogether."

"I didn't say anything," I said blithely, "You're free to wear or not wear whatever you like – especially in bed," I teased, trying to avoid any possibility of the darker mood from earlier returning.

I was rewarded with a small blush before she buried herself in the bedding, not deigning to respond. I merely watched from the other side of the bed. Of course, the first time I'd be allowed to touch her would be tainted, she had a knack for turning these things back on me. I had forgotten how lovely it had been falling asleep with her in my arms until her small nap had brought it back. It seemed I'd make no progress there for a while though as I eyed the trinket around her neck with grim acceptance. But she'd agreed to stay and small as it was, it was a start. I turned over, tearing my eyes from her lovely form and feeling her absence all the more keenly as the night continued to replay in my head.

A/N: heeey so...i'm alive. per usual i just fell off the face of the earth accidentally. Sorry bout that. Thanks for continuing to read this damn saga. I appreciate each and every one of you more than words can express.