Chapter Thirteen

Facade

It was only the first month of school and I already wished it was the end of term. My homework had more than doubled from previous years which left me almost zero time to spend with friends or relaxing in the common room. Many nights I would find myself staying up until after midnight trying to complete just one assignment; a decision I would always regret when I would struggle to stay awake during classes the next day.

I began to notice that I was starting to fall behind regardless of how much effort I was putting into my classes and it wasn't because I wasn't trying.

It was because I couldn't stop thinking about what awaited me every Friday evening no matter how many times I tried pushing it to the back of my mind. Every minute that passed by was another minute closer to me being in the Potions classroom alone with Cassius. Every day that would go by only reminded me what waited for me at the end of the week.

Friday evenings I would find myself walking as slowly as I could with my bag slung around my shoulder, my hand ghost-white with the stony grip I would always have on the strap. Every Friday evening, I would be screaming internally to turn around and run to the nearest teacher. Every Friday evening, I would descend the stairs weaving down into the dungeons, feeling the cold air leave goosebumps on my skin as it twisted and wrapped around me. It was almost as if it was mocking me and for all I knew, it was.

But no matter how many times I told myself to say damn it all and run, the thought of losing my opportunity to teach the class I loved the most kept me moving to where Cassius would be waiting for me. The thought of losing my Potion's NEWT kept me moving towards Snape's classroom.

So, thanks to these thoughts, every Friday evening I found myself walking into the classroom that seemed to get colder every time I entered it. Every Friday evening, I would take a seat next to Cassius. Every Friday evening, I would be thrown against the wall or on the table so he could have his way with me. And every Friday evening, he would drop a vial of icy-blue potion in my hand before dismissing me with that predatorial smile that sent painful shivers down my spine.

Then, every Friday night I would hide myself away in the dorm rooms under the guise of having too much homework to even make it to the Great Hall for dinner, or to accompany George on our nightly walks. On Saturday mornings, I would pull myself out of bed and plaster a less-than genuine smile on my face and make my way down for a few bites breakfast to keep up appearances before heading to the Quidditch pitch to watch George practice.

Recently I began to notice I was losing weight. My clothes were looser on my body and my robes seemed to sag every time I would put them on. I managed to pin them up so it wasn't as noticeable, but I wondered how long it would be before anybody else began to notice as well.

I was beginning to also notice that my hair was looking lifeless and flat. My eyes were no longer shiny and full of life like they had been and my complexion seemed paler than it ever had before. I wasn't sure who this girl was that stared back at me in the mirror every morning, but she isn't Maryse.

It was currently the fourth Friday into the school year. There was only 10 minutes left of class before I would need to begin making my way to the Potion's classroom and I could feel my heart beating deafeningly in my ears the closer it got. It was enough to almost drown out Professor McGonagall at the front of the class.

Before I knew it, we were being dismissed for the weekend. I reached down to grab my bag and began stowing my quill and parchment into it before standing up and turning towards the door. Hurrying as fast as I could, I slipped out the door before Jessica and Riley could catch up to me. I didn't want to get held up and be late. What would happen to me afterwards if I was late again would be far worse than usual. I'd tried that before to spend as little time with Cassius as possible, but it didn't go in my favor.

"It's all worth it as long as long as I get what I want. Right?" I asked myself as I came to the top of the stairwell leading to the dungeons. "Even if I lose a part of me..."

I hurriedly descended the stairs and was soon welcomed by the chilling silence of the dungeons. My footsteps echoed as I continued on to Portions classroom.

I was just about to turn and enter the classrom when I ran into someone straight on just as they were leaving.

"Watch where you're going!" yelled an angry but familiar voice.

I looked up and was met by the icy glare of Draco Malfoy.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." I stammered almost incoherently. "I'm supposed to be meeting..."

"Cassius? So you're who he's been tutoring these last few Fridays. I'm not surprised he has to help a filthy little Mudblood like you," Malfoy said repusively.

I looked down at the ground and didn't give him an answer. He stood there for a moment before crossing his arms.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" he asked almost testily.

"May I please go in? I'm supposed to be in there right now and I can't be late or-." My voice caught suddenly in my throat with that familiar, paralyzing feeling so I couldn't finish with 'I'll be punished.'

"Or, what? Can't you finish your sentences or does being face to face with a true wizard like myself make you nervous?" he sneered amusingly as I struggled.

"I can't..." I whimpered uncontrollably.

"And why not?"

"Because I can't!" I shouted almost pleadingly. I looked up at him, trying to control the tears that were threatening to fall. "Please..."I tried again more softly. "I just...can't. I really need to get inside..."

He stood there for a moment longer, looking at me quizzically. I wasn't sure if the tear wells were making me see things or not, but for a second it looked like concern had crossed through his eyes. If it had been there, it was quickly replaced with his usual, arbitrary stare. Without another word, he moved out of the way and down the corridor, most likely headed towards the stairwell to make his way to the Great Hall. I watched him for a few seconds before turning my attention back to the door, and to what waited for me on the other side. I let out a breath of defeat, and slowly made my way inside.

For some reason, I felt disappointed and I wasn't sure why. Maybe I had hoped Malfoy would see the truth in my eyes and come to my rescue? The feeling only got worse as I realized that even if that's what I had hoped for, it wouldn't happen because he was who he was and I wasn't.

I shut the door behind me, locking myself in with the very definition of wicked.

…

The rest of the weekend passed by in a foggy blur. I could only recall bits and pieces of my time spent with George or anybody else for that matter. No matter how hard I tried, I was finding it increasingly difficult to continue putting on a show in front of everybody. It was taking a toll on my body and my spirit...and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

Sunday evening I found myself in the Great Hall with George, Fred, Riley and Jessica for dinner. I was seated in between George and Jessica while Riley sat across from me next to Fred.

"There is absolutely no way you could pull it off!" Riley exclaimed to Fred after he shared the twin's most recent idea of a prank. "You'd be caught before you could make your getaway."

"Well, I think we would! What do you think, Maryse?" Fred said, turning to me for my input.

I looked up, being snapped back into reality at the sound of my name. "I'm sorry. What were you talking about?" I asked apologetically.

"About what George and I have planned! Back us up!" Fred exclaimed while shoving a piece of lamb into his mouth.

"Oh...umm..." I stammered uncomfortably, shifting in my seat. I picked up my fork and poked around the food I had piled on my plate before responding. "Truthfully, I didn't hear what you had said. My mind is elsewhere right now."

Fred threw up his hands in defeat while Riley looked at me with a worried look. She reached her hand across the table and placed it on top of mine. "Are you feeling alright?"

I looked up at her and gave a quick smile before answering. "I'm fine. Really. Maybe a little tired but I'm fine."

"You've hardly touched anything on your plate," George said beside me, taking notice of how full it still was compared to theirs even though we all arrived at the same time.

"I'm not very hungry," I admitted, setting my fork down. "I think I'm just going to call it a night, you guys. I'll see you in the morning."

Before I could get up, I felt George's hand on mine. I stopped and looked at him. There was worry clearly written all over his eyes as he took me in his stare.

"I'm worried about you. You haven't been acting normal since the first week of school. Are you sure everything is fine?" he asked.

"Absolutely," I smiled unconvincingly before leaning in to quickly kiss him. "I just need a good night's sleep and I'll be back to normal. I promise."

He gave me a look that said he didn't believe a word I had just said. To prove it, he kept his hand on mine and stood up with me.

"At least let me walk you back," he said softly.

I gave his hand an apologetic squeeze before dropping my hand to my side. "I'll be alright. Stay and finish. You don't need to worry about me. I'll make it on my own."

Before I could turn and leave, his arms wrap around me in a tight hug. "You know I'm here if you need to talk about anything, right?" he whispered softly.

"I know, George," I whispered back to him as I fell deeper into his arms. His familiar scent hit my nostrils as I relished in the safety he always seemed to provide when I was this close to him. "I'll let you know if I ever need to talk to you about anything."

He squeezes me tighter for a brief second before letting me go. I smiled at the rest of them and turned to make my way out of the Great Hall as quickly as I possibly could before anyone else decided to try and stop me.

As I was making my way through the corridors, my mind began receding back into the undesirable memories I tried keeping locked in the back of my memory. I closed my eyes and shook my head as panic began to fill me at an alarming rate.

"Come on, Maryse. You can fight this," I said softly to myself as I began to walk slightly faster. The last thing I needed was to fall apart before I could even make it back to my dorm room.

I passed by student after student, trying to hold everything together. No matter how hard I tried telling myself to fight it, the feeling kept getting stronger and stronger. Pretty soon, I could no longer remember George's smell or the feeling of safety I got when his arms were around me. The only thing I could recall right now was the pungent smell of Cassius's musk. The way he looked at me with superiority as he aggressively thrusted inside of me over and over and over again. His nauseating groans every time he would finish with me.

I stopped walking and placed my hand against the wall, almost doubling over as I tried to force those memories away. Tears were beginning to form in my eyes as the image of Cassius only became stronger the more I tried to push him away. With the memories refusing to falter, I feel an anger start swelling inside of me. That anger is soon replaced with dejection as I come to the realization that no matter how hard I try, these memories and flashbacks will always haunt me and there was nothing I could do about it.

With an overwhelming sense of defeat, I crumbled to the floor and let my tears flow freely. I didn't care at this point if anyone saw me. This was the only thing I could do to release my frustration. I just wasn't strong enough this time to make it to my room.

"Get up," a voice said commandingly from above me.

I looked up and saw the blurred face of Draco.

"Go away," I spat at him, glaring threateningly. "I'm in no mood for your shit."

Without so much as a sly remark, he bends down until he's level with me before whispering in my ear. "Unless you want to cause a scene and be sent to St. Mungo's for having a mental breakdown, I suggest you get up and follow me."

I looked at him quizzically, my glare unfaltering. "Why would I go anywhere with you?"

"What else do you have to lose?" he asked auspiciously before holding out his hand. "Are you coming or not?"

While I wanted nothing more than to spit in his face and tell him to get lost, there was something in his eyes that I had never seen there before. For the first time since leaving the Great Hall, I felt a sense of peace and I wasn't sure why. But I wanted to find out.

I nodded once and took his hand before he helped me to my feet. Motioning his head down the corridor, he begins walking away with me closely at his heels. He leads me down a few more corridors, a turn here and there, before we arrive at a door I had never seen before. Looking up and down the corridor to make sure no one ese is around, he opens the door and disappears inside. Taking one last quick look around, I slip inside behind him.

Once we're both in, he closes the door and pulls out his wand, using it to light the candles around the room. I turn my head and notice that we are in a large room with stacked tables and benches, boxes filled with items I couldn't name and cloth-covered items that we couldn't see. It looked like it had been a classroom at one point but was now used as storage.

"What was so important that you made me follow you in here? Because I swear if this is some sort of prank-," I began before I was cut off.

"This isn't a prank! If it was, don't you think you'd have known it by now?" he asked harshly, running his hands down his face before looking at me with coldness. "I brought you here to tell you that..." He stopped talking and looked down.

"To tell me what?" I asked.

He looked back up at me and this time, he's looking at me with sympathy. "I know."

...

AUTHOR'S NOTE - Yes...I know I've let myself slip out of the writing habit. I'm not sure exactly why, but I feel I NEED to finish this and I will! It may take me time to go back and remember exactly where I've led the story to, but I will get there for those that are still following!