Two men, wearing dark jackets and caps to cover their heads, walked as nonchalantly as two men could walk past midnight toward a late-night convenience store with their hands in their pockets. They seemed to be in luck, as only a tired-looking clerk was behind the counter, and only a single customer was present - a woman with long, dark hair, wearing a long coat to ward off the winter browsing through the cereal aisle.
The men looked at one another as they neared the doors, smirked at one another, and pulled masks down over their faces - one with an Iron Man mask, the other wearing a Daredevil-style red horned mask. They both pulled out guns, feeling like they were in the movies and moving in cool-looking slow motion, and shouted at the clerk to get down on the floor. Both aimed their guns at the clerk, feeling secure, grinning behind their masks at the power they felt in that moment. "Gimme all the cash in the drawer, sweet cheeks, or I'll have to cap ya," one said, looking at his friend and nodding at how cool this was before looking back at the clerk.
The clerk looked at them with now very alert and wide-open eyes, trembling slightly. Her college physics homework was right in front of her on the counter, half finished - and the thought crossed her mind that now, it might never be fully finished, thanks to to this. Her hand trembled as she slowly moved it toward the drawer, not wanting to make any sudden movements that might get her shot. Images of school shooter drills ran through her mind on repeat, accompanied with memories of hearing about others who've been killed by random and senseless gun violence - all adding up to a slow certainty that she was going to die.
The man on the right grinned widely at the power he felt, curious at seeing the clerk suddenly widen her eyes even more, if that were possible, and pause in mid-movement. "What the fuck, bitch? Give me my money!"
He looked toward his left, to get his friend's reaction - only to see that his friend was no longer there. He looked down, and saw that the Iron Man mask his friend had worn was on the ground where he'd stood just a moment ago - without his friend.
"The fuck?" he slowly turned around, his gun pointed in front of him, now beginning to tremble. "Jimmy, the fuck you playing at? Where are you?"
The only sounds he heard in reply were the shallow, frightened breathing of the clerk behind him, his own breathing, and the sounds of his shoes against the linoleum floor of the 24-hour store. "Jimmy? Where the fuck are you? This isn't fucking funny!"
Suddenly, he felt his back slammed against the ground as if Earth's gravity had focused all its attention on him and him alone, followed immediately by a sudden pain in his hand just as he realized that he no longer held a gun. A boot stepped onto his chest, suddenly directing his attention to a female figure with a black mask over her nose and mouth standing over him, with long black hair spilling like a waterfall of ink against the starless dark night of her long coat. "Oh, I disagree," a female voice with a very upper-class English drawled, with a tone of poisonous amusement. "That was hilarious."
"What the fuck?" The man asked, suddenly frightened. "What the fuck is this? Who are you?"
The figure looked toward the clerk for a moment, and shrugged before looking back at him. "You're new to the Five Boroughs, aren't you?"
"From New Jersey, yeah," the man replied, sounding confused. "The fuck does that have to do with anything?"
The figure sighed before kicking him in the hinge of his jaw, knocking him right out. "I should be more offended that he was wearing a plastic, dime-store replica mask of the Devil of Hell's Kitchen during a robbery," she said, shaking her head, before looking at the clerk. "Are you alright?"
"I... I'm terrified out of my wits right now, and I don't think I can sleep for a week, but I didn't get shot," the clerk said honestly, before smiling hesitantly. "Are you Nyx?"
"Possibly," the masked woman replied, amusement in her voice. "Would you mind calling the cops on our new friends here? I'm sure they'd be interested in meeting them more than we were."
"Sure," the clerk said, her hands still shaking as she got the shop telephone out. She looked up just in time to see the first man who'd been knocked out getting his bearings, and run out of the store. She pointed with her eyes wide. "That guy! He's getting away!"
The masked woman cursed quietly, finished the job of binding the wrists of the man who was still unconscious with duct tape, and sprinted out the door after the more mobile one. The man had a head start of a few seconds, but that gap began to close with rapidity. He ran as fast as he could toward the street ahead, seeing that it opened up to a larger street with traffic at a red light. Running up to a stopped car, he hurriedly tried a door handle, and found it locked. He ran ahead to the car ahead, tried the back door, and threw himself inside after successfully pulling it open.
The man was just pulling up the gun with the intent of putting at the back of the head of the now-terrified driver when the door on the other side opened, and someone pulled him right out of the car. He landed heavily against the sidewalk, gasped for breath, but immediately tried to get to his feet. His right hand, holding the gun still, was suddenly grabbed and twisted behind him, followed immediately by him being relieved of the gun before he realized what happened.
With a burst of adrenaline however, he managed to twist out of her grip, leaving his coat behind as he ran across the street, toward the alley on the other side. He had almost made it into the mouth of the alley before a foot suddenly slammed against his jaw, leaving him to crumple in a boneless heap to the ground. The foot, wearing white tabi socks and Japanese sandals beneath white track pants, retracted in a graceful arc back to the ground, the woman the foot belonged to looking with a wide smirk at the approaching woman with the black mask.
"So," the woman wearing white said nonchalantly. "New coffee blend?"
The masked woman narrowed her eyebrows as she leaned over, picked up the unconscious man, and slung him like a sack of potatoes over her shoulder. "Shut up."
"Yeah, see, this is why I tell you to stay away from light roasts," the woman wearing white replied, adjusting the strap of the sword she wore sheathed at her back while nodding sagely to the other woman. "They make you a cranky insomniac. I submit evidence A to the court," she said, gesturing at the masked woman who was now glaring at her.
"I see. So the concentrated wisdom of thousands of generations of Kun Lun sages has now been condensed in the present for the express purpose of making you more of a smartass," the masked woman shook her head as she began walking toward the store where the man's accomplice still supposedly was. "I'm so very glad it went to a good cause."
"Oh, I have it on good authority that the dragons of Kun Lun that remain watch us like we watch Netflix, so... you're not wrong," the woman wearing white replied with a grin. "I have to play it up for my sponsors, you understand. Understanding your audience is important!"
The masked woman stopped walking for a moment as she closed her eyes, began massaging the bridge of her nose, and sighed audibly.
"See? Headaches are a sign of too much caffeine intake," the woman wearing white informed her earnestly.
Footsteps alerted them both to someone approaching, but this was someone familiar. "We gathering over lowlifes now?" asked Jessica Jones of the two with a raised eyebrow. "Or is coffee bitch doing her thing again?"
The masked woman raised an eyebrow at Jessica. "You do recall that I'm testing you for your next belt soon, yes?"
"How was I wrong, though?" Jessica asked with a smirk, before looking at the woman in white. "Hey Colleen - is it me, or do I smell light roast?"
Colleen laughed, sounding delighted. "Oh, definitely," she replied as the three neared the store. "The special kind she saves for nights where she wants to be a zombie the next day."
"You know," Jessica remarked, sounding thoughtful, "I'd say a zombie ninja sounded way too out there, but..." she glanced at the woman still wearing a black mask over her nose and mouth.
Said woman shook her head. "You both truly are arseholes, you know that?"
"Whoa, hey now!" said Colleen, sounding very offended. "You can say 'ass' all you want, but you keep that filthy four-letter version to yourself, madam!"
"Fucking seriously," Jessica replied, shaking her head and giving Elektra a disappointed look. "Fucking filthy-mouthed people, I swear to fucking God. Talking like you just ate a prostitute's ass with a spoon and shit. Have some fucking class, woman - Jesus."
The masked woman shoved the door to the shop open, dumping the unconscious man onto the floor next to his accomplice before looking meaningfully back at Colleen and Jessica. "You two are awful friends. I need you to know that."
"You get the friends you deserve, bitch," Jessica replied with a grin, before looking back at the clerk and wincing. "Yeah, that reminds me," she said, dumping a few bills from her wallet on the counter, and looking uncomfortable.
The clerk looked utterly mystified. "W...what's this for?"
"Oh, I kind of... um..." Jessica trailed off, looking embarrassed. "I mean, if you don't know, then it's totally not a thing, right?" she asked with a fake laugh. "Hey, just give those to your boss tomorrow, and say it's from that chick from Alias. He'll know what to do with it."
The clerk looked suspiciously at the three women, back at the cash, and then more suspiciously at the three.
Elektra made an annoyed noise. "I promise you, it's much less nefarious and conspiratorial than it sounds. You see..."
"No! No fucking exposition!" Jessica hissed at Elektra. "This is not fucking exposition time about Jessica's fuck-ups right now!"
"It kind of is," Colleen replied with an amused smirk, followed by a shrug. "I mean, you did kind of give her almost a hundred dollars with no explanation. I can't imagine what must be running through her head about why you'd want to give her boss cash late at night, in folded twenties, out of nowhere, without buying anything..."
Jessica turned, pointed at Colleen, and gave her a venomous look. "You can shut the fuck up."
"It is very suspicious," Elektra mused, while crossing her arms and looking at Jessica critically. "It's almost as if she smashed almost a hundred dollars worth of..."
"You can also shut the fuck up," Jessica spun, pointing an angry finger at Elektra. "Neither of you are helping me right now. You both are doing the very fucking opposite of helping."
"Oh, on the contrary," replied Colleen in a patient voice, with a gentle smile on her face that immediately set Jessica's teeth on edge. "It's very big of you to do this. We're all very proud. Aren't we, Nyx?"
"Extremely," Elektra nodded sagely, also somehow showing an earnest and patient look despite the mask. "It's always very impressive when someone tries to make up for what they've done."
Jessica's teeth began grinding as Colleen replied to Elektra, nodding in agreement. "Exactly. We're all proud to share this moment. You're growing so much!" she said, folding her hands at the side of her face and giving a happy sigh.
"I swear to fucking God..." Jessica growled, her hands clenching into fists at her sides.
"I... it's okay," the clerk spoke up from behind them, with a hesitant smile, gaining the attention of all three. "He uh... he said for all staff to tell you that you were banned until you paid us back. I was just messing with you."
Silence reigned in the shop for a single heartbeat before being broken up by Colleen snickering, and Elektra speaking up. "Wait a moment - he made sure the entire staff knew?"
"I mean, yeah," the clerk replied. "He was pretty mad about the window, but we all watched the CCTV of you hitting him through it with a mailbox. He wasn't happy that you just grabbed a bottle of bourbon instead of, you know, writing an apology note for the window or something, though."
Colleen burst out laughing, leaning against one of the structural pillars in the store as she did. "Oh no," Colleen gasped between bouts of laughter. "I didn't know about the mailbox part, that makes it so much better."
"In fairness," Elektra said calmly to the clerk, "Jessica taking liquor is her way of apologizing. She just doesn't come with a translation book, unfortunately."
"Fuck you, ninja bitch! And that was one time!" Jessica snapped back at Elektra.
"I think she took a couple of Danny's too," Colleen mused. "Hey Nyx, didn't Double D mention that Jessica stole his whiskey too?"
"That nickname is so awful," Elektra said, shaking her head. "But yes, yes he has - more than once, actually."
"See?" Colleen said brightly. She gave an afternoon-special sort of triumphant smile to Jessica. "Along with this tonight, I'm afraid that sounds like a pattern to me."
"A pattern post-haste, actually," Elektra said flatly. "Of post, even, carrying several examples at once - postal, if you will. As though it were a mailbox."
"Fuck you both with a rake!" Jessica yelled angrily. "The bamboo kind, so the tines will snap off as I shove it up your ass!"
"Goodness, is that your idea of a good time?" Elektra asked, sounding concerned. "A bottle of liquor and a rake? No wonder you're so cranky," she said with a tsk.
"My good time will be breaking my foot off up in your colon!" shouted Jessica.
The clerk was now laughing helplessly as she watched the three, which Colleen noted with a grin of recognition at her.
The three walked out of the store, Jessica still angrily yelling at the other two. The clerk took out her phone, and posted the picture she surreptitiously took onto Twitter of the three with the caption "Nyx, the new Iron Fist, and Jessica Jones - keeping us safe, and talking more shit than I ever thought possible."