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Rise of the Boosters

Tsuruya's introduction to Taniguchi went well. It surprised everyone how well they hit it off. As the first official members of the SOS Boosters, they made a lovely couple. He wore a continuous smile when she wore his jacket, and she, being naturally dominant, got a charge out of controlling him via his stick shift. Taniguchi was such a simp.

It also surprised everyone when all four ENOZ band members became SOS Boosters. Upon analysis, it made sense. As a former member of the music club, Haruhi remained good friends with the four musicians, playing with them sporadically on rhythm guitar and backup vocals. The girls were so impressed by Haruhi's singing and playing—dressed in nothing but some random guy's jacket that barely covered her butt while exposing much of her chest—they decided to emulate her.

Yeah, that's a lie. In truth, the girls' boyfriends were blown away by Haruhi's overt sexiness, and they longed to fill open jacket rental spots on her calendar. The ENOZ girls took proactive measures and became boosters so their boyfriends didn't have jackets available to rent. I wasn't sure if Haruhi considered that aspect of their joining. If she did, I guessed she didn't mind. Having four more boosters, especially girls as cute and popular as the ENOZ babes, provided great advertising for the SOS Brigade and her mission.

###

"She's back," Haruhi told me.

Sure enough, Ryoko Asakura had returned, and she sat in her usual seat near the front of the class. Fortunately, she stayed in the front of the class and made no effort to engage me in conversation or even look at me. Thank the gods.

Later that day, just before lunch, she and Yuki approached me in the hall. Ryoko wore her school uniform while Yuki wore my jacket. The girls stood side-by-side, keeping a ten-foot distance from me. We stood there silently until Yuki stomped on her companion's foot.

Ryoko bowed. "I wish to apologize for trying to cut off your dick the other day. It was wrong of me to do so."

I glanced at Yuki. "I thought she disappeared into the ether."

The shorter girl shrugged.

Ryoko explained. "They let me come back because I didn't take your life and had no intention to do so."

"I insisted on safeguards," Yuki said.

"That's right," Ryoko said. "If I get any closer to you, my motor systems will shut down. But only below the chin." She pointed to her lips. "So I'll still be able to talk."

"No kidding?" I took a few steps forward.

Ryoko froze into position like a mannequin. "See. I can't hurt you now."

"What if she turns a desk into a spear and throws it at me?" I asked Yuki.

"She can't cause an object to pierce the barrier either."

I walked beside Ryoko and looked her over. She remained standing at attention, though her eyes followed me as far as they could. "As a show of good faith," she said, "to prove that I no longer hold any animosity toward Miss Suzumiya's club, I've decided to become an SOS Booster."

I pushed the girl's shoulder. Aside from an involuntary counter-motion initiated by her body to maintain her balance, Ryoko didn't move. I tapped the tip of her nose. Though her eyes crossed to see my finger, the rest of her remained still.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" she asked.

"I think you're faking."

Yuki shook her head. "It's true. She can't move unless you move her."

"Oh, really?" I lifted Ryoko's left arm, then her right arm, so she stood like a "T." She maintained the pose when I backed up a step. I pulled up her knee, forcing her to balance on one leg, then stepped back and waited. Again, no motion at all.

When I stepped outside of the ten-foot perimeter, Ryoko dropped her arms to the sides and lowered her knee. "If you want, you can check my pockets." Ryoko patted her hips. "No hunting knives."

When I rushed toward her, she froze on queue. I turned to Yuki. "If she can talk, does that mean she can bite?"

Yuki grabbed my hand and guided my thumb into her companion's mouth.

Ryoko's cheeks reddened. In a garbled voice, she said, "This is so humiliating." But she didn't bite me.

I took a step back. "What are you going to do for a jacket?"

"I hadn't thought about that. Do you have a suggestion?"

"My buddy Kunikida would be glad to help you out. He's been kind of jealous since me and Taniguchi got jacket partners."

"Fine. As a gesture of reconciliation, I'll ask your buddy if he'll rent me his jacket."

"Don't bite him either."

Ryoko shot me the evil eye. "I'll suck him off so good, you'll beg me to wear your jacket."

Yuki stomped on her foot again.

I backed out of range and waved. "See you later."

"See you around." Ryoko returned the wave with a smile.

###

Three SOS Brigade jacket girls now walked North High's halls in all their barefoot, leggy splendor; Haruhi, Mikuru, and Yuki. Six SOS Booster jacket girls joined the ranks, and that number was destined to grow. When word spread about the ENOZ girls taking their boyfriends' jackets off the market, several other coeds with boyfriends on Haruhi's schedule became SOS Boosters as well, forcing Haruhi to rework her plan. Despite her lengthy alternates list, she still had to make a couple of extra hot dog bun appearances to make up the difference.