A/N: Happy Holidays. ^^
Chapter 11
Sasuke was just standing there when he exited the cave. At first, he thought the guy was waiting for him. He was ready to comment on this, but Sasuke disappeared. He sensed him in the village.
Words could not express how much he did not want to deal with anything. Not the village, his kids, or Sasuke. But, as that asshole pointed out, he had it to deal with regardless. He was Kage. He was a father. He'd made promises. "Fuck my life."
Took his time getting back. Crawled, really. Finally just stopped. Couldn't pinpoint what he was feeling. Kyuubi was all over him. Fangs, growling…he stared at the claws on his hand.
Hinata caressing his face, love in her eyes. His daughter in her. Their kids sleeping in the next room.
A dream. Nothing good was ever real anymore.
By the time houses were visible ahead of him, he'd finally stopped crying. Stood and took in the dome from afar. How it managed to cover several Susanoo building something. He stopped again in the village square and let the changes wash over him. People scurrying about. Many of them recognizing him. More than a few stopping to stare at him. Whispering behind their hands. Whatever. The Susanoo gave him an excuse to release the shitstorm swirling inside him.
Sasuke was like a magnet he could never escape. He barged into a house to find him holding court with what looked like half the new villagers. He noted Ibiki speaking earnestly, Konohamaru, Moegi, Udon, and a bunch of other people from his life in Konoha, including most of the rest of his friends. All he really saw was Sasuke, though. "Hey. Jackass."
Room went silent.
"The fuck are you doing?"
Sasuke took almost a minute before he turned around, during which time he thought about tearing his face off.
"What do you mean?" Sasuke said. Calm. Even for him.
"I mean you using Susanoo to do fuck all. And that many, besides."
"They're building-"
"I don't give a shit what they're building. Why in fuck would you expend that type of energy when we have a war that could erupt at any second? You got any concept of conserving strength? Or of the fact that you and I are the strongest ones present and so need to be ready to protect everyone? Huh? No. Got your new eyes, and that's it. You're king shit, invincible, nothing else matters."
"I just thought-"
"Oh, fuck off, will you?" He turned to ask someone else what the hell was going on, only to find the room full of hostile eyes. Each face was a mask of disapproval that smacked him back to his childhood. Back when everyone looked at him with this same expression of disdain, disgust, and animosity. It hit him hard.
He stood glaring back, muscles tight, jaw clenched, until it dawned on him that Konohamaru was edging toward Sasuke because he, Naruto, had offended him. Or something. All of them were on Sasuke's side.
"Ibiki, you can finish your report to the both of us," Sasuke said. All eyes swung to him.
"There's not much else to tell, Yorukage. The strategy is as I've outlined, which you've approved. No word from Kakashi as yet. The team training your children has met with a minor snag: Ino is down. Her father and a few medics are tending to her. I believe she is in serious condition, but the remaining team members have not made a report, so it is assumed no further injuries were sustained."
"Or they could be dead. Have someone check on them. Where's Sakura? Why isn't she tending to Ino? Or Chou?"
"Neither has been seen in some time."
"Find them. I want a report on the Hyuuga. Has ANBU been selected?"
"Very few individuals exist who can fill that position, Yorukage. Many died in the civil uprising in Konoha. Those left are what you see here." He indicated less than a dozen individuals who stood to his right."
Sasuke briefly hung his head. Took a deep breath. "Okay. Nothing I can do about it now, I guess. But we need borders, someone to tell us the second those armies start approaching. Something more than Shino's bugs, and the low-level men we currently have out there." Pause. "Fuck, I can't think. I need food. Sleep. Give me an hour."
Ibiki bowed. "You have been going nonstop since your arrival. Might I suggest you take several hours? I will have your assistant bring food to you."
Sasuke hesitated.
"Please, Yorukage. You will be of no use to anyone if you collapse."
"Yeah." Sasuke ran a hand down his face. He wasn't quite as square shouldered as he'd been a minute ago. "Yeah, okay. But just an hour."
Everyone bowed as he made for the stairs and took them like a man sleepwalking. Moegi ran from what Naruto assumed was the kitchen with a plate of food in her hands and dashed after him. When she was out of sight, everyone looked at each other, then looked at Naruto, where he stood holding up a corner of the room with one shoulder, arms crossed.
The thing that stuck out to him most, watching it all, was how much respect Sasuke was getting. Something had happened while he'd been off losing his mind. Whatever it was had backs straight, voices awed, and eyes worshipful when speaking to King Uchiha. They must not be aware of what a shit he is. Time enough to set them straight. Right now, he met the neutral stares coming his way with one of his own before straightening to his full height. He took a moment to note he could no longer feel or hear the Susanoo. "Ibiki."
"Hirukage."
Oh yeah. He's not liking me too much at the moment. And you couldn't pay me to care less. "How many you need for ANBU?"
"A conservative estimate would be two hundred fifty. A better one would be three times that."
"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu." While Ibiki went to a window to look out, he said, "Konohamaru. You still want to be my assistant?"
"I am your assistant. Yorukage appointed me." It was a grumble.
"Good." He went over and grabbed the kid's shoulder. A moment later they were standing on one of the icy prominences that surrounded the village.
-oOo-
All the hustle and bustle lay spread below them, with the Hellbox standing tall in the middle. He turned to his once-student and assessed the scowl coming his way. "What."
"You've turned into a dick, that's what."
It crossed his mind to knock Konohamaru's teeth in. "Why don't you tell me what went down."
"When?"
"Since I left the village."
"Till when?"
"Till right now. Leave nothing out."
"You gonna tell me what happened too?"
"Maybe. Depends."
"On?"
"You really get laid?"
"Huh. Yeah. I really did."
"Because some adult shit went down up here. Can't be tainting a child's innocent ears with it."
The beginnings of a grin tugged one corner of Konohamaru's mouth. "Ain't no kids present."
"Hmph. I don't know." He caught the crestfallen expression, then turned to face him fully. "All joking aside? You saved my ass with the heads up at the cabin. Seems I remember you saying you were the one to find me up here, too. I remember you being in my room with Chou. I was out of it, but I heard. Sort of. I owe you." He bowed.
"Boss…c'mon, man, I don't…we're not…you…" He finally grew a pair and bowed back. Held it.
Naruto put a hand on his head. Then he dragged him in for a hug. Squeezed him when the tears came because holding this kid, this man, felt like being back home in Konoha. "Missed you. Glad you came."
Konohamaru clocked the tears with wide eyes. "Nothing keeping me from my boss. Not ever. You, uh…you good?"
Naruto snorted. Swiped a hand under his nose. "I don't even know what that is anymore. Start talking."
They accosted her as she was coming out of Chou's house. At first, she thought they meant to criticize the amount of time she was spending with him, for which she was prepared to defend herself. But Sasuke separated himself from the group and let her know otherwise. "Sakura, it's been days since he's come back. Talk to him. Please. I did what I could back at the cave, but he needs a real friend. Someone more than Konohamaru. Someone he respects and admires…or used to. Someone who can get through to him, because this? This constant rage he's subjecting us all to? Not helpful. We need to be united and we just need him. So please? Can you?"
Uchiha Sasuke was begging her. How could she refuse? Besides. It shouldn't have taken anyone telling her to do what she should have done a long time ago before she actually did it. She was his friend. Naruto's heinous attitude aside, she was his team mate. His family. "I did try," she muttered. "That first day. He was so fucking hideous, though…" No excuse. She was better than that.
-oOo-
He'd taken to sitting atop a ledge of land that sat some thousand feet above the village. She suspected it was a vantage point that afforded him the best position to monitor the Sage Mode clones he had patrolling the area. Almost every villager could say they'd spotted one, no matter where they were. A good way to be well-informed without interacting with anyone. "Right." She spotted him perched on a boulder, crouched on the balls of his feet. Tightening her ponytail, she took a breath and marched over.
He looks so different. His brows were perpetually lowered into a V that intimidated just about everyone. He no longer smiled. He was thinner, yet more powerful. But his expression. Even sad and alone in Konoha she'd never seen such anger and defeat on his face. And just like that, her eyes flooded and she had to look away. Adopting a perusal of the village with him, she shoved her hands down her back pockets.
"If Sasuke sent you, you can turn right around."
Probably saw that with a damn clone. "He did." No use lying about it. "But you're entitled to your feelings and your own processing pace."
"What do you want, then."
"A friend? To talk to my friend?"
"Anything you have to tell me about the village – "
"It's personal." Fantastic. Where am I going to get a personal topic to discuss?
He did her the supreme courtesy of turning his head to look at her. The sneer on his face had her heart doubling its speed and her teeth clenched tight. And that was before he said, "Look. Maybe you and I were close back in Konoha, but I got too much of my own shit to be listening to anyone else's. Also? I just don't care anymore."
Time was she would have punched him long before he finished such a speech. This Naruto was too violent and unpredictable for her to risk it. It turned her stomach to realize he was now someone who could and would hurt her without a second thought or a shred of remorse. Wish Chou was here.
This thought, coupled with her even worse realization that she was afraid of Naruto, finally had her snapping. "You pompous, selfish, arrogant asshole. You want to be Kage, that means taking on people's problems. I don't give one fuck whether or not you've got patience for me anymore, you're still my friend and I need you right now, okay? And you know what? I don't care how pissed you are or what funk you're in, you talk to me like that again and I will do my level best to break every bone in your body. I swear to God. Piece of shit."
She could feel him staring at her profile and tensed when he shifted on his boulder. She squeezed herself into a compact ball by crossing her arms as tightly as possible and holding herself rigid. Try me, you whining bitch. Just try me.
But all he did was resume his study of the village. "Well?" he said after a minute. "Talk. Ain't got all day."
"Really. Your riveting pastime of staring into space must be more taxing than I thought."
"And I can do it someplace where you won't find me. Talk or fuck off, your choice."
While racking her brain for a personal topic, she entertained fantasies of crushing his skull with a rock. But then it came to her. After turning it over a few seconds she realized he was probably exactly who she needed to talk to. "I have a problem."
"So I gathered."
"I'm…seeing Chou. Sort of."
"Heard. And?"
"And…Okay, I've never dated anyone? I mean I've had encounters. Quick and simple and done. I'm not the dating type. Relationship type, I mean. I can't stand the idea of commitment to some guy's feelings and them taking up my time and space and making demands and all the sharing. Like, God. No. But the second I saw Chou, and I mean the very second I laid eyes on him, it was like this…thing…punched me hard. I felt like killing him." She risked a peek in his direction to gauge his reaction.
He wasn't looking at the village anymore, but frowning down and to the side. At her feet.
So far so good. "Every time I saw or spoke to him afterward, it was the same. Just worse. I'd get hot and cold, nauseous, dizzy, achy…and angry. God, I was so fucking angry whenever I saw him. I couldn't think. When he smiled at me – " She wiped her hands down her face. She was sweating as if she'd run for hours. "But when he touched me it was worse. So much worse. I'd never felt anything like that in my life. Never knew I could…" She peeked at him again. He was still listening. "Never knew I could react to someone like that. Physically. You tell anyone I said this I'll rip your tongue out."
Now he did resume looking at the village.
"Kiba said it's called an imprint. Some kind of bond that happens. He said members of his clan do it with each other or with their hounds but that's only because they have generations of predisposed biology at work. Ordinary people don't usually meet a person they spontaneously bond with. It's super rare. He said theoretically everyone has the capability. That, logically speaking, everyone has such a person walking around somewhere in the world but the two meeting face to face is almost unheard of. Said regular people call it a soul mate…and that he'd only seen one other person meet theirs. You."
Naruto blinked, but said nothing.
She picked her words carefully. "My problem is I can't do this. Feel all this. It's too much. And…too scary. But I also know I can't live without him. It's killing me just to be away from his body right now. And, like, I don't even think I love him. At least, most of the time I don't. And then sometimes I know I love him more than life and…" She faced him. Scrubbed her cheeks. "I want to know if this is what you feel for Sasuke. This… this fucking pull, this inescapable, immutable, goddamn cosmic horrendous thing that you're powerless to fight, change, or run away from. I want to know if you think Kiba is right. That this is it for me. That I have no say in this whatsoever."
-oOo-
He wondered if she knew she was hyperventilating. Shaking. That her face was red, or that there were still tears pouring down her cheeks. He'd never seen her look so miserable or sound so broken. That just wasn't Sakura. Sakura was an eternal pillar of strength no matter what she was going through, and could be counted on to remind other people of their own strength. She had little patience for anything she viewed as incompetence in herself. That much he knew. And this thing with Chou had to feel like a betrayal of her mind, heart, and body. Hence the hysterics. Fascinating. Haruno Sakura, the Great and Mighty Terror, laid low by love.
Choice. Interesting.
"Uchiha Sasuke is the last thing I want to talk about," he said. "For real, if I could just live the rest of my life without having to think or talk about that fuck, I think I'd be good. But I know better. Now. Because even if I think I'd be good, it'd be wishful thinking. I'm trying not to think about him now. I'm not talking to him. Not being around him. And it's killing me. I'm so far from good I barely remember what that is anymore. That don't mean I want his ass, though. Just means Kiba might be right."
He looked at her. She was hanging onto his every word, hand clenched by her throat, tears coming harder than ever.
"I fought," he said softly. "Back before I even knew what it was. But it's like you said, that pull. Made me chase him. Made me swear to save him, to never give up on him. I mean, part of it was my stupid belief that I could overcome anything life threw at me with sheer guts and determination, but yeah. And the pull was bad then, trust me. Ate, slept, and breathed Sasuke. But when I gave in? When it was just me and him in that forest with no distractions? Huh. Choice wasn't even in it. And the pull was – is – a thousand times worse. Fighting it now, after I've given in, that's what's really killing me. Along with a few other things. That's the main thing, though. Yet here I am, still fighting it." He left off hugging his knees to pick up a pebble. Rolled it between his fingertips. "You can choose to fight, same as me, but there's a price. Least for me there is. Right now, I'm cool paying that price, because Sasuke cheated on me. Decided to love someone else. I need him. I know that. More than anything in life I wish I was strong enough to just live without him, but I'm not. So yeah, we're done, and it's brutal, but that's not you and Chou. Guess you have to decide what you want your future to look like. If you want Chou in it or not because, no, Sakura. There is no running from it. I've tried. No escaping, and no changing it either. I've tried all that too. It is scary, and it is a lot…but if you and Chou can reach a point where you're on the same page, looking each other in the eye and acknowledging this thing? If it's the same for him as it is for you?" He remembered the first time Sasuke told him he loved him. In that farm house. The night he gave him his second chance at sex. The way Sasuke taught himself how to concentrate chakra to his dick. The way Sasuke'd sit with him for hours just before Icky was born. That night in the forest when Madara cut him. Don't let me go.
He swallowed. "If you two can get to that place, even for a minute, I promise you it is worth all the shit and pain. It's the most beautiful thing in the world." He watched her huddling in on herself, trying to stifle her sobs, until a thought hit him. "Hey!" He surged to his feet, pointing at her. "HEY!"
"What?"
"You're with Chou? He told me he has girl parts!"
That got her to stop crying. But only so she could frown at him. "So?"
"So? So, like, girl parts."
A blank stare now.
"You're a girl."
"I've noticed."
"He's a girl." He waited. But when she only continued to stare at him, he said, "I thought you liked guys?"
"Chou is a guy."
"But he has girl parts."
She used her sleeves to scrub her face of snot and tears. "I honestly think he could have lizard parts or tree parts or ocean parts or moon parts, and it wouldn't make a bit of difference to how I feel."
"Huh. I get that, I guess. I certainly don't think about any guy besides Sasuke…which was weird for me. Is it, uh…weird for you?"
"No. Or…if it is, I can't feel it on top of how much I want him. Feels like I'm bleeding to death when I'm not with him. And when we're together I just want to devour him whole."
"So you guys have done it?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Yeah. No. I mean…was it good? What was it like? What goes where?"
"We're done here. Fucking perv." She turned to go, but hesitated. Such a dumb look of shock and curiosity on his face. He looked more like the Naruto she used to know than at any time since coming north. "Thank you. For sharing that with me. I know it wasn't easy. And yes, it was good." She was gone with a hand seal.
A laugh fell out of his mouth. And then he was rolling on the ground, screaming with it at the idea of Chou's huge ass and Sakura. Legit girl on girl. Or guy on girl. Or something. He couldn't stop laughing.
But when he did, he flopped onto his back and stared at the sky. He stayed that way for a long time.
He gleaned a lot from the clones. The minutiae of village life, the villagers themselves, and of course the surrounding land. He had clones as far away as the armies, monitoring that sitch for himself. One thing he'd been steadfastly ignoring, though, was his kids. Clones fed him info on that too, down to the team training them, and Shikamaru's curriculum. He'd yet to make an actual appearance. One could say he'd been avoiding it. Actively. Vehemently, even. So when he dropped down behind Tsume and Beast as the kid was tailing her on a run, she and the rest of the team made varying sounds of fright. Beast just kept running. Tsume held up a fist and the team came to a halt. Beast sat on his haunches, eyes on Tsume.
"Hirukage," she said carefully.
They were all staring at him. Loose circle around him, widely spaced. Guess I ain't been too friendly lately. Oh-motherfucking-well. "Thought I'd observe today. That a problem?"
Tsume stroked Kuromaru for several moments before answering. "Actually, Hirukage, I was going to request you and Yorukage's presence before too much longer. The child has been adequately socialized to my pack, and recognizes me as alpha. But as he has his own pack of you, the Yorukage, and the brother, it is imperative he acknowledge the alpha of that pack."
"Okay?"
"Would that alpha be you or the Yorukage?"
"Can there be two?"
"Alphas? No. Though it has been known to happen in a pair, if the pair are opposite sexes."
"Mkay, so can there be no alpha?"
"Chou has given me the details of your interactions with this child to date. A no-alpha status is exactly what you had on your hands. The child saw no power or influence greater than his own and so did not conform to your teachings. I understand you tried to establish dominance, but again, it was in no way the child could recognize. If you would have him obey you and, most importantly, not use his power unless commanded or directed by you or the Yorukage, there must be an alpha." She tilted her head. "I'm given to understand the child doesn't resist Chou."
"That's true."
"Then the child sees Chou as alpha of his pack. Is this all right with you and the Yorukage?"
"Exactly what does the alpha do?"
"The alpha is the unquestioned leader. The rest of the pack submits to him or her. The alpha is first in everything, sometimes enjoying exclusive rights, and is the highest-ranking individual in the pack."
"Right. Okay. But what makes one alpha? Is he the strongest?"
"Sometimes. Sometimes it is whoever does the most to benefit the pack. Could be the best hunter, etc. Sometimes it is who has the most children. Again, an alpha pair is different. You and the Yorukage are a pair, but you're also both male. There must be one. And it seems that one is Chou."
"Right. About that. I can't speak for Sasuke, but it's not okay with me if Chou is the only one who can influence Beast."
"The man does strike me as being distinctly omega. Very well, then. You or the Yorukage must come forward as alpha. Once it is decided, I will begin the process of transferring recognition of that designation to the child."
"I see." He looked at Beast. "Okay. Carry on for now. I'll get back to you on the alpha thing."
-oOo-
It was an exhausting three hours, after which he watched the way Tsume put Beast to bed: She ate food in front of him, with his bottles nearby. Beast looked at this but didn't reach for or approach the bottles. When Tsume was done, she backed away, at which point Beast went for the first bottle under her watchful eye. He ate, then Tsume rubbed him down, changed him, and nuzzled him. When he asked, she said it was called grooming. She left Beast in a state of quiet contentment near Icky, whom Chou was just finished feeding and diapering. To his shock, Beast went right to sleep. "That's not normal for him."
"We give him a good workout," Tsume said. "You did well today, observing. What are your thoughts?"
Naruto was looking at Icky, who was sitting up and reaching for him with barely restrained squeals of gladness. He hadn't seen the kid in days. "My thoughts? That Sasuke had the right idea to recruit you guys." He looked at her. Went to her and dropped a hand on her shoulder. "I really want to thank you for that. You worked hard with him, I could tell. Kid's practically human, now. I want you to continue. All of you," he said looking at the rest of the team. "What you've accomplished is nothing short of a miracle." He bowed low to them.
They exchanged various looks of shock, but hastened to return the bow. They straightened only when he did. Chou was last to leave. He stood gazing at Naruto with misty eyes for several moments. When Naruto finally noticed him, he said, "What."
"Beast isn't the only one making progress. You look a lot…calmer," he finished tactfully.
Just then he remembered his conversation with Sakura. "Chou."
"Yes?"
"Sakura means more to me than I can say. So, if you hurt her, ever – "
Chou held up a hand. "I would open my veins before hurting her. Or letting any harm come to her." He met the serious gaze being leveled at him with one of his own. "That goes double for anyone who treats her rudely or callously."
Naruto was left to ponder the fact that Chou had just threatened him. He watched the door shut behind him. "Chuh. Wouldn't want to see the outcome of that fight." Mostly because he was pretty sure he wouldn't survive the encounter.
"Ool!"
The screech got his attention and he turned to Icky again. Swept him up, tossed him, and swung him around. "God." He sat down and squeezed him. "I've been a terrible dad, haven't I." Icky put his head on his shoulder and squeezed him around the neck. He spent a long time just feeling his son's warmth, smelling his hair, and watching Beast sleep.
There was no use putting it off anymore, though. He supposed he'd always known he would have to go through this to get past it. If the year since Granny told him he was pregnant had taught him anything, it was that the only way past something was through it.
Icky was awake, he could tell. He rubbed his back. "Kiddo?"
His son picked his head up and met his eyes.
He couldn't help the tears. Really. Kid looked so much like Sasuke. Every time Icky looked at him like this, he remembered stabbing him. The memory stopped his breath, every time, but then he would remember how Icky felt knowing he'd killed him, and then he could breathe again. Every time he looked into his eyes this knowledge would pass between them, and he would feel closer to the kid than he did to his own body.
He kissed Icky's forehead. Smoothed his spiky hair. "I need to talk to you. The way we talked when you had to give me the foodmind."
-oOo-
It was different this time. He felt himself do a slow somersault even though he hadn't moved, and then he was in some dark place with a brilliant white light at his side. The light spoke to him. "Hi, Daddy!"
"Icky. Baby. I'm so sorry for – "
"I know, Daddy."
"No, I mean about – "
"I know. It's okay. You have so much ouch about mommy Hinata. A lot of ouch."
That gave him pause. "How do you know that?"
"I can feel it. Also I can see your feels."
"Right. I'm still sorry, though. Just because I'm hurting is no excuse for me to be shitty to you and your brother."
"Okay."
An eager and expectant air emanated from his son. He sat. Or tried to. He had an image of himself sitting cross-legged next to the brilliant white, but couldn't actually feel his body. "What I want to talk to you about is the fact that I'm hurting."
"Also you have so much mad feels for Daddy Sasuke."
"Yeah. Shit. Guess there isn't much you don't know, is there." He'd had to spend some time, a long time, identifying just what it was that kept him hating Sasuke, all so he could have it clearly defined and ready for this moment right here. "Icky…you remember when you were still in me?"
"Yes."
"When your daddy Sasuke spoke to you? And showed you what the foodmind was doing?"
A thinking sensation. "Oh! When I first knowed about you?"
"Yes. Exactly. Okay. Now, do you remember when I needed the foodmind back? How you had to put me inside your memory of that time you used him?"
"Yes…a little bit."
"I need you to really try, Icky. Because I need you to put me inside Sasuke's memories. I need to see exactly what he showed you when you first met him."
He could only describe Icky's reaction to this request as being flabbergasted. "Inside Daddy Sasuke's memory? I can't!"
"Why not?"
Thinking. "We're not in his body. I can't touch his memory thing."
"What thing?"
"The thing. The memory thing he makes memories with."
"…His brain?"
"Yes. That. Oh… A new word. I like new words. Brain."
Naruto considered this carefully. "Did he only show you memories or did you also see his feelings?"
"I saw the memories but the feels were…were…there-er."
"Clearer?"
"Yes! Clearer."
"Then we're in business. Put me in your memory of his feelings. And your memories of his memories."
"Okay. Now now?"
"Yes, now. Please."
He remembered the pain of entering a memory, but his son had grown. Just as entering his mind was less painful than it had been the first time, entering Icky's memories now, though uncomfortable, was bearable.
Icky demonstrated his growth in other ways: though he'd gleaned much of Sasuke's mind and childhood, Icky kept this venture strictly on the time between leaving the cabin and the day Sasuke'd contacted him. He could both see and feel Sasuke and Hinata's worry over his fugue states, his red eyes, and the escalation in animal behavior. But he could also feel that Sasuke still felt like Sasuke.
It was right around here, though, that the change in Sasuke started happening. There was a conversation with Hinata. She'd seen Icky's Byakugan. And right then, after hearing about it, Sasuke gave up. Not for long, but there were a few minutes of defeat and hopelessness he would never have believed Sasuke capable of. Those feelings escalated as daylight decreased and his own mental state shifted to Kyuubi. It was a lost sort of feeling. The realization of a situation no longer in your control. The added understanding that you couldn't regain control.
A sense of powerlessness.
He stood in one particular memory of Sasuke in the upstairs hall, everything pitch black. A sound of heavy, gravelly breathing close by that wasn't coming from Sasuke. And then, at the other end of the hall, two glowing red eyes. The eyes coming closer. The breathing coming faster, becoming excited. The fear he felt coursing through Sasuke was unlike anything he himself had ever personally experienced. Not this cold, paralyzing horror. Fear he'd experienced in a fight, or for his condition, or for his friends, was nothing like this. The closest he could come to it was what Hinata had gone through in her final months of pregnancy. And those weren't even his memories.
Sasuke stood eye to eye with that feral him, breathing in his putrid body odor, until he vanished down the stairs to another part of the house. Sasuke was left in the hall… and his pants were soaked with urine.
"Oh, Sasuke."
The change in Sasuke was more pronounced. There was a hardness in him. Deep inside, tucked away from his consciousness. It took a minute for him to realize it was Sasuke's way of protecting himself. Protecting his feelings. And still, he could feel Sasuke, his Sasuke, the man he knew and loved. Not as much, but some.
There were other changes. Hinata. This was where he'd started getting closer to her. Now he could finally see why. Watching from Sasuke's perspective, he could see the fear she hid so well beneath efficiency and helpfulness. How supportive she was. Understanding and kind. Sasuke needed that. Needed her. She kept the hopelessness from devouring him, the fear from unmanning him.
He pulled back for a moment, then went back in from another angle. Why didn't you do more to shut me down?
The answer wasn't as simple as fear of hurting the baby, or him being too strong to overpower. No. It was something else. And before he could find it, other memories were happening. And then the memory of his first attack was all around him.
Him climbing in through the window. Sasuke facing him. Telling Hinata to run. Them all downstairs. Hinata out the door, just him and Sasuke now…
He hit pause again. Froze the moment, and really studied the landscape of Sasuke's mind. Went back through the memories again. Several times. He kept coming back to that moment in the hallway, urine leaking down Sasuke's leg. Always, that one moment. When it finally hit him what he was seeing, he felt like crying. He exited the memories completely.
-oOo-
"Daddy? Are you finished?"
"No. Just gimme a sec."
He stared around the shadowy interior. Icky's light settled next to him. A source of love and support and concern.
"You have a lot of sad feels, Daddy."
"I am sad."
"Why?"
But he couldn't voice it. The way Sasuke had essentially broken that night he pissed himself. Sasuke's confidence, his belief in himself, what belief he'd had left anyway, had just evaporated. Oh, he put on a brave face for Hinata's sake, but Sasuke privately believed there was just nothing more he could do.
He'd never really considered just how much anger Sasuke lived with. He knew Sasuke was an angry individual, yes. Full of rage would be a more accurate description, but he'd never realized what that meant. That Sasuke could only operate the way he did because of his rage. The Sasuke he knew, the man he loved, only existed because of that anger. It was behind every motive, every action. It had filled every need…until he himself had come along. To see from Sasuke's point of view what his own presence did to the makeup of Sasuke's equilibrium was humbling. Embarrassing and surreal in the extreme. No one in the world, anywhere, ever, is as good as he thinks I am.
He could scarcely look at himself through Sasuke's eyes. Later. When he could stand it. It was enough for him to understand the gist: his presence pushed Sasuke's anger aside. And without it, Sasuke didn't know how to function. Not really. His reactions were off, his perceptions skewed, and his confidence shaky. Uchiha Sasuke did not know how to be happy. He could be happy, yes. Know how to be happy, no. Zero understanding of how to make decisions from a place of contentment instead of a place of anger or vengeance. No comfort whatsoever with the contentment in himself. Not a shred of perspective or processing capability. Sasuke tried. He had the time in the forest and in Konoha afterward to see how hard Sasuke tried, but it was like wearing a pair of sandals three sizes too small. Sasuke didn't know who he was without his anger. And neither do I, he realized. For damn sure, Sasuke had very little experience with fear. Even less with situations he couldn't control. Both concepts, however, were tightly woven with his last major experience with each. Which happened to be the night his clan was massacred. Essentially, at some point during the pregnancy, a part of Sasuke had been regressed to that little boy again. Someone helpless, afraid, and up against forces stronger than himself. And given Sasuke's recent acquaintance with happiness and contentment, he couldn't find his way back to all the fury he'd spent years of his life with in order to help himself. The anger was no longer there.
I made him weak. That's what he thinks.
At the time these memories were taking place, Sasuke knew none of this. Probably still didn't. Seeing it for himself, Naruto felt sympathy and protectiveness well up in him. "Put me back in."
-oOo-
Though the memories were in the past, and Sasuke couldn't feel him, he mentally held Sasuke's hand through that first encounter. Focused himself intently on him, and on the way Sasuke's mind retreated deep within itself for the days and weeks afterward. Stayed with him in that hidden haven. He was there in the bathroom that time Sasuke surfaced long enough to realize he was splintering apart. He was there when Sasuke cried in spite of himself. When he sometimes surrendered to Kyuubi's heat and body.
He was there during the moments Sasuke thought about ending his life. I got you, Sasuke. Fucking hell, I got you.
Hinata and the rape. He no longer had her memories, but he remembered the memories on his own. Sasuke's sense of failure was vicious. But so was his gratitude that there was another outlet for Kyuubi's appetite, and his rage at him touching Hinata at all.
The moment Sasuke started loving her was an oddly unremarkable one. It was after the rape, after he'd patched her up, when she was lying on the couch asleep. Sasuke looked down at her, realized he was starting to hate his partner, realized Hinata was more than just a girl, more than someone helping him, and promised he'd do better protecting her next time. And right then was when he'd started loving her. That there was a stew of rage, jealousy, insecurity, shame, and guilt mixed in meant nothing, really. Sasuke was human and he loved her. Not the way he loved him, but still.
I'm still with you, Sasuke.
And he was.
He'd never looked too closely at Hinata's memory of her night with Sasuke. But he looked at Sasuke's memory of it now. How it came about. Hinata's fear and the way he lifted the blanket to offer her comfort. His wonder at feeling her body next to his. He was there with Sasuke, in his mind, in his heart, while Sasuke made the conscious and deliberate decision to set aside all Uzumaki Naruto was to him. For now. Just for tonight, Sasuke told himself. When Sasuke put his arm around Hinata, when he kissed her, he felt like he had the complete picture at last. Yes, they'd needed each other. But it was more than that. It was Sasuke being there for her when he hadn't been hours before. It was trying to reclaim confidence lost. It was an apology, but also a reminder of what lovemaking could be. There was curiosity of being with a woman. Anger. Selfishness. Elation. Respite. Healing. Spite. Euphoria.
Shame. After it was done, there was so much shame, so much self-disgust. The fear and insecurity were back stronger than ever.
Especially after Kyuubi left and he himself came back. He looked at Sasuke's two weeks away from the village, at the morass of pain and guilt he tried to come to terms with, and felt his heart pound in shared misery.
"Okay. I'm done." The memories faded and he was left with Icky. "That last part there wasn't from when Sasuke spoke to you. How do you have those memories?"
"I looked inside Daddy Sasuke's brain."
"Huh. You do that a lot? Look at people's memories?"
"Yes."
"Like, all the time?"
"Yes. So I can know stuff. Understand stuff. Learn."
"That's private shit, though."
"I don't know that word."
"Private? Means you can't just go in someone's head and take memories or see memories they haven't decided to share with you."
"Why?"
"Because you can't."
"But why?"
"Because…it belongs to them. Their thoughts, their memories, all of that is private. You can't look at that stuff without their permission, ever. Understand?"
"But how am I supposed to know stuff? I can't understand words or thoughts."
Naruto pondered this a minute. "Okay. I'm going to send you a feeling."
Icky was quiet.
"Did you understand that?"
"…Yes…"
"And?"
"That was a bad feeling. Not bad like how you and Daddy Sasuke feel. Bad like…like ouchy sad feels. Scared feels. Ouchy sad scared feels are what happens if someone sees your feels without asking first?"
"It's called embarrassed. Or shame. Or both, sometimes. And yes."
"Oh." Thinking. "So if Daddy Sasuke knowed you looked at his memories without his…without asking first, he would feel like that?"
"How do you know I didn't ask?"
"Looked in your brain."
"Fucking… Look. I'm going to tell him, okay? But that doesn't mean you can tell people you looked in their heads after you do it. I did it this one time because it was the only way I could help myself. Let me out now."
Felt weird seeing Sasuke now. He felt closer to him than he ever had. Not even the forest equaled it. Had the peculiar effect of making him bashful whenever he saw the guy, so he made himself scarce. But since he had news of particular importance, he put his shit aside so he could walk into Sasuke's house.
He knew there was a meeting going on. He hadn't known Kakashi had just come back from his mission. He was in time to hear Kakashi begin his report.
"The Jinchuuriki have zero control of their Bijuu when released, or even just when accessed. Their hosts are contained and suppressed almost round the clock. An effective assault cannot be mounted without their strongest weapons. Or so half the armies believe. The other half believes that as you're one man, with no Jinchuuriki at your disposal, you will be easy pickings. Even given who you are."
Sasuke snorted. "Is that right."
"They do know you have an army of your own now," Kakashi went on, "but it seems they believe their armies outnumber yours. Which is true, if I'm honest."
"When do you think one school of thought will outweigh the other?" Sasuke asked.
"No idea, Yorukage. But-"
Time he spoke up. "What's left of Konoha is on its way over here now with their new Hokage."
Though his entrance had been noted with a few glances, that pronouncement had everyone turning to face him properly. Sasuke said, "How do you know that?"
"How do you think?" Honestly. Then, remembering his trip through Sasuke's memories, he said, "Clones. Been monitoring the armies myself."
"Do you know their intentions?"
"Overheard something about an alliance."
"You're kidding."
"Nah. Their bitch of a Hokage is scared shitless the other armies will turn on him. Wants our help."
Kakashi chimed in. "They are in disgrace, now. The butt of every joke."
Not one person there failed to burn with shame that their village had come to this. He could see it in their faces. "Guys. I know it's not easy to tell yourselves that Hakumei is home now. Konoha's in our blood. It is our blood. But it's also wherever we happen to be. What's happening sucks, but it could be worse. Don't ask me how. Sasuke? A word?" He left the war council blinking at him as he left the house.
-oOo-
Sasuke met him outside. "You're different," was the first thing he said.
"What's your plan?"
"Regarding Konoha?" He finally stopped staring at him. Looked at the surrounding mountains. The villagers. "Why?"
"You take point."
"Why?"
"Because I haven't been much of a Kage lately and I shouldn't get to make di…de…dipormatic decisions."
"Diplomatic?"
"That's you. That's always going to be you. Like, I'll give my input if you ask? But all that complicated bullshit ain't my deal."
"I see. How long before they get here?"
"Speed they're using, five or six hours."
"We'll meet them outside the dome."
Word of Konoha coming to parley spread through Hakumei like a fire. Everyone in residence crowded inside the dome behind Sasuke and Naruto as they faced the Hokage, his assistant, and the council.
It was many minutes before the visitors could stop whispering among themselves at discovering Naruto alive. "I am Nakamura Kai," the Hokage's assistant said. "We were told Uzumaki Naruto was dead. How is this possible?"
Looking between them all, Sasuke pegged her as the one in charge. "What do you want? I will only hear from the Hokage," he added when she opened her mouth.
"Peace," the Hokage said. His was a high voice. "We seek peace and asylum. I will abdicate my position. I hear you are Kage of this place. We, I and the rest of the villagers with me, will swear our fealty to you."
Sasuke spent about sixty seconds sizing them up, hands on hips, before he lit up Hokage, assistant, and council with Amaterasu. When he extinguished the flames, nothing from those individuals remained but a little char on the ground. The villagers cowered on their knees. Some put their foreheads to the ground in utter subservience. Sasuke looked them over, then turned to Naruto, expecting to find outrage and indignation on his face at executing unarmed people begging for sanctuary.
Instead, he found Naruto contemplating the smoking char without expression. "As far as I'm concerned, the villagers die with them," he told Naruto. "But I'll hear your feedback."
Naruto looked at the villagers too. Then turned his back on them to face Sasuke squarely. "I get it. They elected to stay with the people you feel caused our exile and all the shit that happened because of it. They're tainted, in your eyes. I could point out that they aren't ninja. Didn't have the strength or skills to buck the council. They stayed near their jobs and families. But they could have let the ninja who left protect them. They could have sided with us if they wanted to. So, you do you. I won't interfere."
Not for the first time recently Sasuke made note of the absence of animosity in Naruto. The neutral look he was getting from him instead of hatred. The calmer voice, the kinder words. He would dearly love to know what had happened and when. "I've ignored your judgement too often this past year. To my detriment. Make the call. I'll stand beside it." He stepped back.
I am not liking this nice shit we're on. At all, Naruto thought."Stand up," he told the villagers. "Here's the deal. You're on a year's probation. You will not be allowed to work or set up shop or provide the services you did in Konoha. Nor will you be allowed to become citizens of Hakumeigakure until that year is up. You will each be assigned to a handler, chosen from Hakumei citizens, who will monitor you and report to me and Sasuke. You are to lay down all your possessions, here and now, and enter only with the clothes on your back. Chou will show you who you're assigned to."
-oOo-
Sasuke watched their compliance and their hesitant approach towards a now sage mode Naruto. Only after he'd assessed their intentions was anyone allowed to pass him and enter the dome. It was the first time since defeating Madara that he felt like he and Naruto were a team again.
It wasn't the last. He caught glimpses of Naruto doing other things around the village. Not his clones. Him. Received reports of him taking an active hand in the training with the boys. Saw him talking with Sakura sometimes. Sparring with Konohamaru. Sitting with Ibiki and the war council on occasion. Listening to Kakashi. Naruto was present. Without trying to kill someone or spewing hatred at everyone.
He wanted him more than he thought he had the ability to withstand, but withstand it he did. Because Naruto being in his right mind was a miracle. God, but he missed him.
He watched Mommy Tsume put Yuudai down for his sleep, watched the team leave them alone, and watched Yuudai close his eyes.
He hadn't stopped trying to reach Yuudai's mind, not once. But he couldn't get at it. Couldn't reach the right frequency, couldn't hit it with enough strength. He needed help. The Important was coming. He could feel it. He had to get at Yuudai's inside.
He thought mommy Ino could probably maybe a little help him. She could talk with her mind, but only in thoughtwords. He didn't know if she could use feelwords, and he definitely couldn't say his stuff in thoughtwords. They were too many, too big, and too hard. Still…
'Mommy Ino?'
Ino sat up on a shriek of pain and fright.
Her father lit a lantern. Held it in her direction. "A nightmare?" He pushed his blanket aside to come sit on her pallet.
Other members of their clan were sitting up too, looking in her direction. She swiped at the blood leaking from her nose. "It's Ikioi."
"Is he sending?"
"Yes."
"What does he want?"
"I don't know. But it's something big, I think."
He, too, looked at the blood. "Let me be your filter."
"Thank you." She lay back and closed her eyes. Her father's hands were large and warm around her head. The feel of his mind with hers was achingly familiar, radiating a sense of calm and strength that had her relaxing at once. 'Icky?'
'Hi! Hi help sorry help no something's coming I can't see stop help – "
She tried to pull back and see the meaning behind what he was saying but it was gibberish. He needed help. That was all she understood.
No use. He could try bringing her down like he did his Daddy Naruto, to where he could use feelwords, but he didn't think she was strong enough. I need somebody who has strong feels.
Well…there was his Daddy Naruto…
But no. His daddy was feeling so much a lot better. The Important was something bad. He didn't want to give his daddy bad feels again. Who, from all these new people, could talk with feels?
He sent his feels out questing. Searching amongst the many sleeping people. Sometimes he was drawn to people doing touch. They were having strong feels, but not the right feels. Those were body feels. He needed inside feels. He paused. Some of those people doing touch did have inside feels...but those feels were about the touch, mostly. He stopped again at discovering Chou and a mommy from daddy Naruto's friends/family doing touch. Then he moved on. There was someone somewhere who had big strong feels. The exact kind he needed. He let himself be pulled toward them.
He examined the person with his mind first. A sad person. Mad, too. But mostly sad. About his friends. Two best friends. Doing things with his daddies and not with him anymore. Sad feels about a lot of things. He was just lying on the ice near Chou's dome, alone. Very careful slow he let his feels touch this person. 'Hi?'
Surprise. Then careful slow too. 'the fuck's this… hello?'
'I'm baby. Daddy Naruto's baby.'
'holy shit. are you icky or beastie? where are you? what is this?'
'Icky.' Names. Yes. He knew this. 'What's your name?'
'udon?'
'Udon. Can you help me?'
'uh…yeah. i mean, is this a dream?'
He was already going through Udon's brain to find the meaning of that word before he membered he wasn't supposed to do that. 'It's not a dream. I'm reality. I need help.'
'okay. yeah. i'll help, if i can. shit, i can't believe th – OHMYFUCKINGGOD - '
He put all his stuff in Udon's feels, then pulled back to wait. He had to wait for a long time.
Her father's chin was on his chest in a light doze when she felt another presence touch her mind. Her hand clamped down on his leg before she registered that this presence was decidedly weaker. They would never have been able to enter her mind at all if she hadn't been leaving herself open for Icky. 'Who is this.'
'hello, yes, hi, am i in? oh my god, i think i'm in. hello? is this ino? ooh…I can see you. it is, it's you, i'm in! Fuck me, i'm in a girl…"
Her father's hands settled around her head. 'Who the fuck is this?' she asked again.
'udon! sorry, i'm udon. icky helped me get in. showed me.'
'…What?'
'okay. sorry, i'm still kind of dazed by all this, but as I understand it, icky tried contacting you before, with little success?'
She was analyzing what she could see of his mind in turn. There was nothing in his history or genetics to support his ability in communicating this way. 'Correct.'
'right. icky brought me on as an interpreter. he can basically only communicate effectively through emotions. he's an empath. spoken language is beyond him, even in thought form. Seems he feels i'm a bit of an empath as well. i'm translating his emotions for him. he has a problem, something…uh…well, i guess you'd call it a mental problem? or, no. a telepathic problem, maybe. he's trying to access his brother's mind, but can't find the right frequency and doesn't have the strength. he wants your help with both.'
Ino digested this. 'Strength is out of the question, but I can maybe hit on the frequency. I can tell you that my own attempts to reach Yuudai's mind were disastrous. Have Icky show me his data.'
She sensed some fumbling on Udon's part. An impression of him struggling beneath some gargantuan weight, that he then thrust upon her. Had her father not been filtering for her she probably would have been in the same condition she'd been in the first time she met the boys.
He rounded a corner on his way home and found Sasuke talking to Kiba in an alley. Something about Kiba's body language and Sasuke's expression had him stopping. It was night, but the sun was shining. He wished he had shadows to hide in. He went behind the nearest building instead. When he came back out, he took up a position a few feet away and pretended to inspect the blankets a vendor was selling.
-oOo-
"What do you mean?" Kiba said.
"I mean him. He's different. You can't tell me you haven't noticed." Sasuke ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to do about it. Tried just ignoring it, but he's making it damned difficult."
"I don't follow. Making what difficult?"
"Ignoring him! Outside of meetings and shit."
Kiba stared at him. "Oh. You want to fuck him." He leaned forward and sniffed. "Yeah. I can smell it on you now that I'm paying attention. You can quit glaring at me, I'm just stating the obvious." He crossed his arms. "So?"
"What do you mean, so?"
"So why are you telling me this."
"Am I missing something? You said you're my friend."
"I am. But I'm not seeing a problem."
"The problem, you idiot, is that I said I'd be Naruto's friend, acknowledged that we were over as lovers, but here he is dangling his irresistible self all over the fucking village and tempting me into insanity. I need you to talk me out of it. The way you talked me out of killing him."
"Out of…jumping his dick? Is that what you're asking?"
"More or less."
"I see." He pinched his lips. "Call me an idiot again and I'll set my clan on you, Rinnegan or not. That's first. Second, what makes you think Naruto wouldn't welcome the jump?"
"He might be different but I'm not likely to forget him swearing he would never forgive me. And I don't blame him. It's just…" he lifted his hands, then let them drop. Squared his shoulders. "No. You're right, I'm better than this."
"I never said that."
"Well, I am, goddammit."
"Have you ever considered someone else?"
"Considering someone else is arguably why I'm in this mess."
"Another man."
"What? No."
"You've never loved another man? Outside of Naruto?"
"Never."
"But you've been with two women. Whom you had more than a passing interest in."
"Your point being?"
"Nothing. Maybe you need another man. A distraction. Since you and Naruto are so emphatically over."
"Is this your advice? As my friend?"
Kiba now shoved his hands into his pockets and dropped his eyes. "Actually, I don't know that I can be your friend anymore."
Sasuke stiffened. "Why? What's happened?"
"Nothing. But there are other people in the world besides Naruto. I know he's your soul mate, but I've seen people in my clan move on after someone they've bonded with dies. You could move on too."
"Your face is red. The hell is wrong with you."
"Think about it." He jumped and was gone, leaving Sasuke frowning after him.
Tsume went downstairs the second she smelled him enter. "'Bout damn time. We need to go over tomorrow's route with those babies. Where've you been? I needed you back here an hour ago."
"Nowhere. God. I'm here now, stop bleating at me."
She could smell the frustration on him. Whichever bitch he was hunting had better submit soon. She liked her boy docile, like a proper beta. "Upstairs."
-oOo-
An hour into it, Hana came to the doorway. "Mom."
She looked up, but the fear her daughter was trying to mask hit her nose like a punch. Then the presence in the house unmasked itself and every nerve in her went on high alert. Kuromaru came to her side, tail lowered. Kiba was also on point, senses vibrating. Akamaru whined. She rose and went downstairs ahead of them all on silent feet.
Naruto stood in the main room. He was glowing so brightly she had to squint. Other members of her clan were backed to the walls, vigilant and wary. "Hirukage," she said.
He ignored her to latch onto her son. "Kiba."
"Yo."
"Sasuke's off limits."
"What – " An image of an old woman looking at the blanket vendor's wares flashed through his mind. He'd smelled Naruto but was too focused on Sasuke at the time to pay it any mind. Besides, Naruto's scent was everywhere thanks to his clones.
Naruto smiled. "Yeah. Good. Glad I don't have to explain further." He turned to go.
"You and Sasuke aren't together." He came around his mom to face Naruto down. "He's a free agent."
"Kiba? I like you. We're still friends. So don't make me threaten you in your own house."
"You fucking two-faced bitch."
Naruto turned around. Tsume moved to stand in front of her son, but Kiba pushed her aside to stand nose to nose with Naruto, fangs bared. "I don't care if I'm dead," Naruto said. His voice was deceptively mild. "Sasuke is mine and that's how it stays. You plan to make an issue of it, step outside. I won't kill you in front of your mother."
"We're not friends, then." Kiba's voice shook.
Naruto took a step back. "No, I guess we're not. Stay away from him."
"And if I don't?"
The glow brightened. Tsume hastened to move between them once again. "You've made your point, Hirukage. There's nothing unclear here. Please," she added in a lower voice.
The glow faded, but Naruto held Kiba's eyes. It wasn't until Tsume and Hana latched onto his arms that Kiba lowered his own gaze, though. And only because his mother was whispering furiously at him. Naruto left.
He didn't forget, though. Three days later, Sasuke stormed up to him in the middle of the street. "Who the fuck do you think you are? Don't you ever threaten my friends. Ever! I will fucking murder you before I let you lay a hand on anyone in this village, do you hear me?"
It was funny. But also not. He'd never heard this much rage from Sasuke. Dude's eyes were bulging, spit flying. He looked demented. I know you were scared, Sasuke. I know I broke you in ways you can't even look at. I know you will never let what happened to Hinata happen to anyone else. "Loud and clear."
Sasuke spun away, then swung back. "You left me. Swore to hell and gone you'd never take me back, never love me again. What the fuck, how do you threaten Kiba over someone you don't even want? Well?"
Because I do want you. All I ever wanted in life was you. I had you. I lost you. And now I'm not the most important thing to you anymore. There was a crowd. Naruto looked at his nails. "I don't want you."
"But?"
"But nothing." He met Sasuke's stare again. "I don't have to explain myself to you or anyone. Not unless my actions impact the village. Sitch is what it is. I said what I said to Kiba. Don't give a fuck what you think about it."
"You're insane. Threatening people to stay away from me makes it my business. You damn well better explain. Why did you say that to him if you have no interest in getting together again?"
Good question. "Because you're mine."
"Yours. I see." Sasuke ran a hand down his face as he turned in a circle. Then he was facing him again. "You know what that sounds like? Me being yours without you wanting me?"
He waited.
"Kyuubi. Those weeks he had me at his mercy. Possessive. All over me all the time, but Kyuubi has no feelings for me. It wasn't about love. He didn't want me. He just wanted to own me. To assert his control and have me know it. That's you right now."
Sasuke advanced on him until they bumped chests and were touching noses. He didn't budge, but then he was sort of in the process of shriveling up in shame and guilt. "You listen to me." Sasuke was shaking in the extremity of his fury. "You ever try to put your hands on me again without my consent and I will kill you. I swear to God. You threaten the life of anyone in this village ever again. Anyone. I will stop you fast and hard. Do I make myself clear?"
Not all the willpower or all the chakra in the world could stop the tears that filled his eyes. And right then, he didn't care that Sasuke's face went slack in shock, or that all the onlookers gasped and whispered. He was so tired of being hurt and angry, but there was nothing else to be done. This was reality now. The new normal.
He had to forcibly unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth. "Crystal."
"Naruto." Sasuke lowered his voice. "If you've got something to say to me, say it now."
I love you. I love you so fucking much. If you took me off somewhere right now, where it was just the two of us, I swear I wouldn't complain. But I also hate you, Uchiha Sasuke. And I don't know how to stop. Even understanding why you did what you did, I can't stop.
Sasuke watched another tear roll down Naruto's mutinous face. Then he shoved him hard before violently parting the crowd of muttering spectators.
Naruto considered following. Really. Just so he could choke the life out of him.
He went home instead. Was scarcely through his door before someone jogged up behind him and knocked. It was Ino. "Yeah?"
"Have a report to make."
"I was with the team today, why didn't you make it then?"
She squirmed her way past him when he didn't invite her inside. He concentrated on closing the door carefully to keep from grabbing her by the ponytail and swinging her through the roof. "This isn't about Beast," she said. "Yuudai, I mean. Not directly, anyway. It's Icky. He contacted me a few days ago."
"What do you mean, a few days ago?" He hated having anyone in his place. Folded his arms and leaned against the door. "Don't you see him every day?"
"Briefly. We're in place to train Beast, though. Can you just listen without interrupting me?"
He closed his mouth.
"Apparently, Icky thinks something is coming. Some huge threat. It was hard to understand, because I was working with a translator, but either he's afraid of some looming threat or he's afraid Yuudai is the threat. Can't be sure. He's not talking about the armies, though. He knows about them but isn't worried. I understand you communicate with him. Has he discussed any of this with you?"
"I can talk now? Great. No, he hasn't. The hell do you mean, a translator. Who has access to my kid without my authorization? Sasuke put someone new on the team?"
"Some kid name Udon. Not on the team." She explained about empathic abilities. When he only stared at her, she continued. "And then there's what he told me about Yuudai. Which is the main thing. When Chou and Sasuke made their report to us on the kids' powers, he briefly mentioned something about seeing beyond the limitations of this world, but none of us really gave it a thought. Icky gave me a more detailed explanation, though, and I was wondering if you could help with that?"
"With what? You lost me."
"The sensory overload Beast is experiencing? It's one of the major causes for his aggression and why other people, people who aren't Inuzuka, have trouble communicating with him. His autism exacerbates it. I think if you could help him…I don't know, turn it off, it would be a big help to us. We'd get a lot farther with him. Think about it. Now, back to my main report. Icky feels it's imperative he make contact with Yuudai either telepathically or empathically, and he can't. Given the urgency Icky feels, I was wondering if you could help him. Lend him some strength or…something. My dad and I have been trying to help. Icky didn't want you to know any of this. Thinks it will send you into another depression, but I told him you're his best shot. End report."
He blinked a few times. "What, exactly, do you mean by seeing beyond the limitations of this world?"
"Chou? Chou. Chou."
Chou heard this, but only registered it when Sakura shrieked. He picked his head up from between her thighs to find Naruto crouched in his window.
Naruto waited through the flurry of flying blankets, screaming threats, and stammered apologies. When they were both shivering, quiet, and clothed, he climbed into the bedroom and shut the window. "I knocked downstairs. Splintered the wood, I knocked so hard. Sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak to Chou. It can't wait."
-oOo-
Chou moved around the kitchen making tea. Naruto, leaning on the high table, propped a hand under his chin and contemplated the aroma following Chou. It filled the room. He knew that smell, thanks to Kyuubi's assault on Hinata, but this was doubly fascinating because it was Sakura's scent. A private, mouthwatering scent that had his dick throbbing. For the first time in years he wondered what it would be like to have sex with her. His boyhood fantasies hadn't gone much beyond seeing her boobs. Huh. I didn't even know girls could still excite me.
A mug of tea with mint leaves floating in it was set in front of him. Chou leaned against the counter. "What do you need," he said once he'd sipped.
By his tone, Naruto concluded that Chou was still smarting over having his activities interrupted. Guy's face was pink. He kept his eyes on his mug as he explained his visit from Ino. They both heard Sakura slam out of the house. Chou said, "Ikioi is an amazing individual. His mental abilities could far outstrip any known jutsu. In time."
"Yeah, okay, but – "
"Right. What I lifted from Beast's mind. Well – "
"And how were you able to do that? Because it seems like you have some mental abilities of your own. Can you read minds too?"
"No. I can do what I did with Beast, and only Beast, because when you had me delve him, I left some of my chakra in him. When I link with it, it allows me to subdue him. It's how I keep him from aggressing against me."
"So that's why he thinks you're alpha. Interesting. I should try that. Okay, what'd you see in him?"
Chou set his mug on the table and spread his hands on the wood. "I don't know that I've ever seen anything so horrifying," he said after a minute. "Obviously, I know there are other worlds, but…" He glanced at Naruto. "In plain language, Beast can see…I guess you'd say he can see through dimensions? By which I mean the fourth and fifth. I don't know how many there are. But he can also see dimensions as in other planes of existence. There are things in his mind, that he sees, that I haven't the faintest idea how to describe. Other…realities, Naruto. Places dark and terrifying, inhabited by unspeakable things. Places of light and beauty and power that are still frightening, if for other reasons. It confuses him, I think."
"Can he see us? Here? He has to. I've seen him looking at stuff here."
"He can. But when he uses his Byakugan, he can see a distance that I'm sure also confuses him. Hundreds of miles."
"What!"
"Deep within the earth, past the stratosphere." He shook his head. "I only got a glimpse, but it was enough to give me nightmares, the things in his head."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
"I don't know. I think you were disappearing. Hinata's memories had you. And then the village showed up, and I guess I forgot, what with settling them in, healing the Hyuuga, and like that." Seeing the pensive look on Naruto's face, he added, "If it was something I thought would affect us immediately, I would have told you."
"But Icky thinks it's important."
"Icky is a baby," Chou said gently. "Intelligent as he is, he's not an adult. What's important to him might not necessarily be important to us. Or have an impact on us."
"Huh. Guess you're right." He downed half his tea. "You said his mental abilities could outstrip jutsu. What does that mean?"
"Well? I'm not an expert, you understand. But it seems to me that once matured, Icky could possess the power to bypass the use of chakra and seals and all that. He could simply think something into existence. Possibly."
He was about to answer that, but just then one of his clones sent him some information that drove the thought right out of his head.
The news of Sasuke telling Naruto off for threatening him spread through the village like wind, but he didn't expect Sasuke to hunt him up ten minutes after hearing his sister relay the encounter. He was just leaving the group of houses assigned to his clan. Sasuke was waiting a few feet away, arms crossed. "Kiba? A word."
Fuck. This'll be nice and awkward.
-oOo-
They didn't go far. Sasuke led him to his house, up the stairs and into his bedroom. That was cause for alarm, but as soon as they arrived, they were in that smoky place wherein they'd had their first talk. No chairs this time.
"Is it true?" Sasuke said
"What." As if he didn't know.
"Did Naruto threaten you because…because you have an interest in me."
He took his time looking at the face he couldn't stop thinking about. I could end this here and now. Say no, I'm not interested. Nip it in the bud. Keep the peace. Especially given Naruto's new personality. Probably the safest decision, all things considered. "Yes. I'm interested. Curious, anyway."
Sasuke's face lost its frown. "Oh. I half thought Naruto was losing his mind. Making shit up."
"Naruto didn't mention my interest when he was at my place, though, so how'd you know? Lucky guess?"
"Moegi."
"Your assistant? How'd she hear? It's not something I've even said out loud."
"As I understand it, Konohamaru observed the encounter via clone or henge or some shit. Through a window of your house. He put two and two together. Since he spends time with Moegi, he told her. And she, after sitting on the information a few days, decided to tell me. Don't ask me why. Though, she was head of some cult back in Konoha that saw me and Naruto as gods or some nonsense. Could be her way of getting me and Naruto back together, if she thinks Naruto's ultimatum is proof he wants me back." He waved a hand. "That's speculation."
"Wow. Damn. Forgot about The Society." Sasuke was staring at him. "Why are we here?"
"I don't need Naruto overreacting to anything else."
"Appreciate it. But why are we here."
"Exactly what do you mean by interest?"
"I mean…yeah. Not saying I'm in love with you, but I think about you. A lot. That's new for me. I'm not into men."
"I see."
"I'm sure you get that a lot."
"No."
"C'mon, serious?"
"Not to my knowledge. Not from men."
"You're saying Naruto is the only guy who was ever interested in you?"
"I'm saying I've never been romantically pursued by anyone outside demented girls. Interest…I don't know. Naruto says he isn't interested in guys either."
"Bet it's sweet. Knowing your sexy ass turns straight men gay. Am I right?"
Blank stare.
"You do know that half this village lusts after you? Male and female? It's a cliché. One I've fallen victim to. Unlike them, though, I'm not looking to have your babies. Just want my curiosity satisfied."
"Meaning?"
"Can I kiss you?"
He was privy to the amazing sight of Sasuke's face turning pink. Permission wasn't given, but neither was there a denial. Sasuke's arms were folded, which could be indicative of his not wanting physical contact. Then again, Sasuke had brought them here to escape prying eyes. He closed the distance between them.
-oOo-
Had Kiba always been so much taller than him? The difference was a good three inches. Before he could really register it, Kiba put a hand on his shoulder. An innocent touch, but one that had his whole body lighting up in awareness. How long had it been since he'd been touched with kindness? Or held by someone larger than himself without violence? How long since he'd had ordinary caring and companionship? Was it Hinata? But she'd been a girl. Shy and hesitant during their night together, and contained all the other times. This, though. To be looked at with bold, unapologetic interest, to be touched without shame, to be wanted without obsession… It was such a far cry from anything in his experience. And it was something he suddenly wanted very much.
He dropped his arms. Kiba's hand slid from his shoulder to his nape. A little tug. He stepped into Kiba and then they were forehead to forehead. Nose to nose. Kiba's lips touched his. Once. Softly. A shiver skated across his shoulders, but he was the one who pulled Kiba flush against him and deepened the kiss.
Kiba did hold him. Held him with both arms. Squeezed him. He was cherished and safe. Warm. So warm. He's kissing you despite Naruto threatening to kill him. The knowledge only made him feel more valued.
Naruto holding him with body and chakra while he lay cut in two.
He pulled back, putting his hands on Kiba's wrists to hold him away. Breathing was difficult. "That was more than curiosity," he managed. His heart was a drum vibrating through his entire body, urging him to pull Kiba in again. "That – "
"Yeah." Kiba's breathing was none too steady either. "That was more than I expected. I'm not sorry."
"Didn't think so."
Kiba waited a full minute, massaging his shoulders and the back of his neck. "I'd like more. Naruto can try to kill me, but I want you. I'm not scared of him." He freed one hand and placed it behind Sasuke's neck again. "I can be discreet, if you want."
He wanted it. Kiba might not be into men, might not be offering anything but sex, but he found that he very much wanted to lose himself in the wholesome, healing, supportive river of sanity that was Inuzuka Kiba. To be washed clean of guilt and hatred. To be baptized in something as innocent as simple, human interest. God, how he wanted it. Kiba was the definition of uncomplicated.
It would be good. He knew it. But because Kiba was uncomplicated, he wouldn't put up with shit. And shit pretty much defined his life. "I want you too. Actually. But I'm in love with Naruto." He stepped out of the embrace.
Kiba noted the glassy eyes that were getting wetter by the second. "He doesn't want you."
"Maybe. Yes, okay, he doesn't. That's what he says." One tear fell. "But people like me don't go for people like you."
"What's that mean? People like you, what kind would that be?"
"Messy people. They don't go for sane, no-nonsense people, though they probably should." He couldn't stop his face from crumpling over a few more tears, but he managed to pull himself together. Looked Kiba in the eye. "They go for people who, with nothing but their will, yank you back from the jaws of death. They go for people who do impossible things like get pregnant to keep from losing you. They go for people who love you so much they can't even say it. But you know it anyway. Naruto doesn't want me. And yet he threatened your life over just the idea of you wanting me. I don't know what he's doing, but I think, in his fucked-up way, that he's trying to…heal. Process. I don't know. None of that means he'll ever take me back, though."
"Then why? Why can't we see where this goes? You could use a little sanity."
"Because I've spent the past year choosing everything except Naruto. One year, Kiba. Naruto spent four years loyal to me while I hated everything about him. I'm trying to be his friend. I love him and I'm going to be loyal to that, at the very least. For once. Even if I don't have him."
"For how long?"
"I don't know. I guess… until I'm no longer in love with him."
"Basically, forever then. Fuck." He stared at Sasuke a moment, then shook his head. "I get that, I guess. He is your soulmate, after all. I probably shouldn't fuck with that." He scratched the back of his head. "Well. I wanted to know what it would be like kissing you, and now I know. I'll respect your wishes and leave it at that. Thank you." But Kiba fisted a hand on his tunic and hauled him in for one last kiss...
...as he was bringing them back to his room. Kiba stiffened at once. When they broke apart, he could see why: Naruto was sitting in his armchair, ankle on his knee, one hand cupped around his chin and mouth.
Kiba stepped sideways, but didn't go anywhere. He was ready, even now, to face Naruto without fear.
Naruto was frowning at the air a foot in front of his face. He moved toward the chair, and still Naruto didn't respond until he'd said his name. Twice.
"Forty-five miles and closing," Naruto said.
"What?"
"Back from your make-out session? Great. Armies are on their way. Forty-five miles. Traveling fast. Be here in, meh, ninety minutes or so." And with that, he threw on Sage mode, stood, and faced Kiba. The grin that spread across his face showed prominent canines and zero humor. "I've got an appointment with you, buddy," he told his one-time friend. "But for right now, go get my goddamn kids."