Happy Birthday to me," Joey mumbled as she walked down the hallway to her dorm room. So far, it had sucked. She and Dawson got into a huge fight when she stopped things from progressing between them last night, then Pacey bailed on her for lunch, and now a book she needed for class had been out of stock at the campus bookstore. All she wanted to do was go into her room and wallow.
Joey stopped short, however, when she saw Pacey outside her door talking on his cell phone. Hearing his sweet, "Bye, Tammy," pushed her mood from bad to worse.
"So, how is the prodigal English teacher?" she asked snarkily as she reached him. "Did the two of you 'catch up'?"
Pacey furrowed a brow. "What's with you, Jo? Why are you so pissed at me?"
"You bailed on me, Pacey, on my birthday of all days. That's not cool."
"Look. I'm sorry I couldn't make lunch today. Something came up and I couldn't get out of it."
Joey snorted. "Nor did you want to, I'm sure."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
"No. Obviously it means something, so spit it out."
"So, did you make up for lost time, Pace?"
Angry now, he crossed his arms and retorted with, "I could ask you the same thing."
The two of them stood there locked in a stare down as the door opened and Audrey popped her head out. "Hi! Um, are you guys gonna stand out here all night? Because, um, we're trying-- not very successfully, mind you-- to throw you a surprise party."
With that, Audrey opened the door wide to reveal Andie, Jack, Jen, and Dawson waiting in the room with party hats, decorations, confetti, and a cake with a candle on it. From behind her, Pacey leaned in and whispered, "I had to miss lunch because Audrey asked me to bake a cake for your last-minute surprise party, not because I was too tired to get out of Tamara's bed."
Then he walked right by her, leaving her staring dumbfounded at the group as they collectively shouted "Hey, Surprise! Happy Birthday!" at her.
"You hate it, don't you?" Audrey asked.
"No," Joey responded with false cheer as she walked into the room and closed the door. "Lucky me."
After a few hugs, some more tense than others, Audrey plopped Joey down in the empty desk chair she'd sat in the middle of the room. Jen and Jack were sitting on Joey's bed. Dawson and Audrey were on hers. And Pacey was leaning against her desk, arms crossed, next to Andie. When Joey was less than enthusiastic at Audrey's gift from Fred Segal, Jen asked, "Joey, is something wrong?"
"Oh, no! God, no, I - wow, it - excuse me for a second," Joey said as she got up, grabbed Pacey by the arm and yanked him into the bathroom with her, slamming the door behind her.
"What the hell, Joey?" Pacey asked, confused and irritated.
"Did you sleep with her?"
"What?"
"Did you sleep with Ms. Jacobs last night?"
Pacey rolled his eyes. "What does it matter if I did, Jo? We aren't together so I'm free to sleep with whoever I want. And so are you." Pacey eyed her with that last statement. Asking the question she knew he wanted to ask but was afraid to.
Joey realized she needed to give a little to get a real answer from him. "Nothing happened between me and Dawson."
Relief momentarily crossed his face, but then he said. "Well that's a given. Considering nothing ever does."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Did you two resolve anything?" He asked, but then also raised his hands in the air and then added, "Nevermind," as he tried to brush past her. "You two never resolve anything."
Joey reached out and grasped him on the arm. "We decided to just be friends."
He turned around. Skeptically, he asked, "Oh, really?"
"Yes."
"And how did you come to this realization that it's not meant to be?"
"We were here last night talking and he gave me a present. We kissed and it turned into more. But, I couldn't go through with it."
"Why?"
"He wasn't you."
"And so now that he's off the table, you want to know if we're still on it?"
"Yes."
"And if I slept with her, what then?"
"I don't know."
He stepped closer. "Would you still want me knowing that just last night while you and Dawson were dancing around acting out your teenage fantasy that I was reliving my reality with Tamara?" Another step. "That a brick wall is just as good of a substitute for a tree in a pinch," he whispered as he closed the last of the distance between them, pinning her against the door, "Or that my neck muscles weren't the only body parts throbbing?"
Joey, haunted by the images of the two of them he was inducing in her head with his words, pushed him away from her. "You're a jackass, you know that."
"And you're still the same scared, indecisive little girl you've always been, Jo."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You're looking to me for the answers again. And I'm not going to give them to you. Either you want to be with me in a real, messy adult relationship or you don't. Whether or not I slept with Tamara on the same night you nearly slept with Dawson is irrelevant. You have to decide if what we have is worth fighting for or not. We're never going to have perfect timing or perfect circumstances. The grand gesture is only half the battle." He paused. Then, locking eyes with her meaningfully, he added, "It's the details that define us, Jo."
Shocked by hearing her own words out of his mouth, Joey was speechless as Pacey reached around her and opened the door to walk out of the bathroom. She took a moment to compose herself and then followed him out to a silent room (that had clearly overheard their entire conversation) and Jen's murmured " This is a very unhappy birthday."
Pacey had a piece of cake in one hand and his other on the doorknob. "Pacey, wait."
"What, Joey?" he asked in an exasperated tone. "I don't have anything else to say."
"You accuse me of being scared and indecisive, but you're just as bad. You unilaterally decide what you think is best for everyone and then fall on your sword like some sort of martyr. I didn't ask for the break, you did because you commanded that's what we needed rather than dealing with the reality of a long-distance relationship. And when you set your mind to something, it's impossible to change it. How can I make a decision about our future when you've already proclaimed what's best for us without letting me get a word in edgewise?"
"What relationship, Joey? The only person who knew we were sleeping together for the last two months was Bessie and that was only because she wondered why you were never home at night."
"We decided together not to say anything until we knew where this was going."
Pacey laughed sardonically. "No, Jo, you decided. Because telling people in Capeside meant Dawson would find out. And, God forbid, Dawson find out about us while he was thinking you were home pining for him while he was living his dream in LA."
"That's not fair," she hissed.
"But it's the truth." He sat the cake down on Joey's empty chair and went over to her. "And I knew better. That Dawson would always be your priority and this was where we'd end up. But I did it anyway because I'm so damn head-over-heels in love with you again that I can't see straight." At that, Pacey cupped her cheeks in his palms and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "So, I'm gonna go back to my life in Capeside. You live yours here in Boston. Be happy, Jo."
He released her and walked back to the door, cake forgotten. He opened it, but before he slipped through it, he added, "For the record, I didn't sleep with Tammy. She was in town for her bachelorette party. She's marrying some guy next weekend. The phone call you overheard was her calling to say goodbye and thanking me for giving her the name of a charter company here in Boston that gives sailing lessons so she can give them to him as a wedding present."
When the door closed behind him, Joey felt the weight of what had just happened. Dawson looked pissed, Audrey looked hurt, Jen and Jack looked at her sadly, and Andie, after a compassionate glance in Joey's direction, snuck out the door behind Pacey.
"You were fucking Pacey this summer? Is that why you stopped things between us last night?" Dawson yelled accusingly.
To that, Audrey popped her head up and looked at Dawson with confusion. "I thought you were seeing Natasha? Did you two break up?"
Dawson's eyes widened at the question, to which he sheepishly answered, "No."
Joey eyed him angrily. "And you didn't think this was worth mentioning to me last night?"
"Joey, this girl means nothing to me compared to you."
"You should have told me!" Joey looked at her friends. "Everyone here who thinks Dawson should have told me he had a girlfriend before trying to sleep with me, raise your hand." Joey felt vindicated when Jen, Jack, and Audrey's hands all went up.
"You're blowing this way out of proportion," Dawson defended.
At that, Jack chimed in. "Maybe you guys should take a breather for a moment? Let cooler heads prevail."
Joey ignored him. "You're standing there accusing me of betraying you by sleeping with Pacey when both he and I were single, yet I'm supposed to be okay with you trying to fuck me while you're seeing another woman? You know how I feel about infidelity, Dawson. And considering how your mom's affair tore your life apart, you should have thought twice before engaging in it yourself."
"I would have broken up with her for you. You mean so much more to me than she ever could."
"Get out."
"What?"
"Leave. I'm so angry with you that I can barely stand to look at you right now."
"Think about what you're saying. Is this the way you want things to end between us?"
"No. This isn't the ending I wanted, Dawson. But it's the one we're getting. In time, I'll cool off and maybe we can be friends again. But we'll never be anything more. Not after this. So, please leave."
When Dawson was gone, Joey couldn't hold back the tears. How could he do this to her? To them. He'd made her feel so guilty, twice, for merely following her heart when she was free to do so. Yet, he believed it was okay to treat her this way? To be angry at her and blame her for halting things between them when he was the one in the wrong? She'd stopped because her heart wasn't in it. It was with the man she loved - Pacey - and she couldn't betray him like that despite the fact that they weren't together. He'd been upset when he found out what almost happened, but he'd also been resigned. Like he'd expected it. But why would he expect anything different when nothing ever changed?
Joey sank to Audrey's bed in defeat. She'd messed up so badly on so many fronts. She'd put Dawson first again and ruined what was truly the best thing in her life. And how could she go back to Pacey now without him yet again accusing her of reacting to something that happened with Dawson?
"Joey, are you okay?" Jen asked worriedly.
She looked up to see Jen and Jack kneeling in front of her with worried expressions. Audrey was next to her with an arm around her shoulder. "No, but I will be."
"What can we do?" Jack asked.
"Do you think Andie caught up to Pacey?"
"Probably, why?"
"He shouldn't drive back to Capeside like this. Can you check and see if she stopped him?"
As Jack stood up and dialed his sister's number, Joey turned to Audrey. "I'm sorry you had to find out about Pacey and me this way. But I'm not sorry for what happened. Will we be okay?"
"We've got a whole year stuck in this room to come to terms with all of this. I am hurt, but I think we'll be fine eventually. Right now, you've got bigger fish to fry, Bunny."
"What are you going to do about Pacey?" Jen asked.
Before Joey could answer, Jack hung up. "Andie couldn't stop him from leaving. He was stoic. He insisted he was fine. He left for Capeside a few minutes after leaving here."
"I wish he wouldn't have driven, but I appreciate Andie trying to stop him. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. For now, he has work and I have class, so maybe the best thing to do is let it sit. If I do anything right now, he'll think I'm reacting to what happened with Dawson."
"Would you be?" Jack asked.
"No, but he won't believe me."
"Well, let us know what you need from us when you decide what to do, okay?" Jen said.
Shortly thereafter, Jen and Jack collected their stuff, wished her a happy birthday for what it was worth, and left.
Exhausted, Joey showered and changed into her pajamas, said goodnight to Audrey, and tucked herself in bed to ruminate over what to do about the mess she'd created.
Author's Note: This story is actually finished, so expect frequent updates. (I was stuck on the middle section, which is why I didn't update before now. So, I decided to let you use your imagination on what happened over the summer and skip forward to Boston. Enjoy!)