Tw: descriptions of self-harm, references to suicide and mental health issues.
Carla tied her cosy, black dressing gown around her as she made her way downstairs. She had her phone in her hand and was firing off a quick text message to Kate. Her sister had asked how dinner had gone the night before.
To: Kate Connor
It went REALLY well. Thank you for that pep talk. Meet you later for lunch? My treat xx
It was unusually quiet, even for almost nine in the morning, so she gathered that Johnny and Jenny were out at the cash and carry. She was sure she'd heard Johnny mention they'd needed to stock up on loo roll for the customer toilets. She wrinkled her nose at the thought.
Michelle was up though. Carla could hear her rattling around in the kitchen, soft music playing from the radio. She had her back to Carla, drying her hands. She crept towards her, suddenly wrapping her arms around her from behind, her chin nestled against her shoulder. Michelle started slightly, but then let out a gentle laugh.
"You scared me." She murmured, sliding her hands down to settle over Carla's. "Morning…"
Carla kissed her cheek, which urged Michelle to turn slightly and meet her lips.
"You should have snuck into my room and woke me up." Carla grinned, letting her go so Michelle could turn to face her properly. The younger woman wrapped her arms around her neck, raising her brow.
"Snuck? How old are we?" Michelle chuckled, allowing Carla to pull her closer. That said, when she caught Michelle's lips in another kiss, one that was firm and lingered, Michelle let out a concerned little hum and broke away.
"Steady…"
"They're at the cash and carry. We'll hear them come in; they'll make a right racket. Jenny's always whining." Carla shrugged. She caught Michelle's eye, quirked her brow and then took her hand, attempting to tug her towards the sofa. The younger woman looked hesitant for a second. "I'm not asking you to come to bed, I just…want a minute with you."
Michelle nodded, though her brow furrowed slightly. "Should I be offended that you're not asking me?"
"Do you want to go back up to bed?" Carla asked. She smirked slightly at the blush that appeared across Michelle's cheeks.
"I mean…Maybe not right this second but…" She trailed off, daring to glance up at Carla's face. They both had sheepish grins across their face.
"But sometime in the not-too-distant future?" Carla suggested, causing the younger woman's blush to deepen. She laughed softly and gestured for the younger woman to sit down, before sliding herself into her lap. She saw Michelle's eyes flicker towards the closed door, but then she settled her arms around Carla.
"I'm sorry for how I acted after that night." Michelle suddenly said, her fingertips absentmindedly stroking down the fuzzy material of her dressing gown. "I regretted running out on you so much." She confessed. There was a sad, apologetic little smile on her face as she reached up and brushed Carla's hair back.
"Hey, it's alright—" Carla started, but the younger woman shook her head.
"It isn't, I reacted horribly and—and when you were gone…" She paused to compose herself, her voice had become shaky and Carla waited. She had a feeling it was something that had been bothering Michelle. "I just wanted to go back to that night so badly." There was a lump in her throat now, but the younger woman swallowed hard. "I wanted to wake up next to you again, and hold you, and ask you if you were alright… I should have been there for you."
Her voice cracked, tears had sprung to her eyes and Carla leant in, placing her hand against her cheek.
"Shh, don't get upset." She whispered, lightly kissing her lips. "I know how confusing all of this is. Believe me, I know. I feel it too." Carla stroked her thumb over the shell of her ear. "But we can figure all of this out together. There's no rush, and no pressure…"
Michelle nodded, blinking away her tears. She cleared her throat and looked at her. There was so much care in her expression and that green in her eyes really was pretty.
"I should be the one saying all this to you." Michelle sighed, leaning it to touch her forehead to Carla's. "That's the only reason I haven't really talked about it with you… I didn't want to put anymore stress on you, give you something else to be so mixed up about. I've been feeling so guilty…"
"What happened to me would have happened, whether we'd have slept together or not. You know that don't you? I wanted to be with you that night." Carla assured her, locking eyes with her to make sure she knew. "And you don't have anything to feel guilty about, I promise."
Michelle offered her a small smile, but she still looked worried. Carla waited, she knew the younger woman still had something to say.
"If this gets too much for you…" Michelle started, despite Carla's sceptical brow. "If this starts to make you feel… I don't know, out of place again or—"
"I've just told you, this didn't cause my… breakdown." She sighed, gently tapping her nose.
"No but, stress does. Anxiety does. Low moods… They all cause your symptoms to flare up and if us being like this is going to—"
Carla stopped her rambling with her lips. She kissed her softly, lingering for a moment. "'Chelle, stop being a flamin' idiot." She teased, pulling back a little. "Because you're not, I know you've got a good brain up there." Michelle laughed gently, and Carla let out a little hum of affection. "I'm happiest with you, okay? I don't feel stressed or anxious, not now and especially not when you're here."
It seemed like Michelle had finally got the message. She squeezed the other woman gently and guided her closer until her head was tucked beneath her chin. Carla nestled in and closed her eyes. She really did feel okay. She could tell this was going to be one of the better days. She'd felt it as soon as she'd woken that morning. Her head was so blissfully peaceful and it was a very welcome change. She felt Michelle kiss the top of her head and glanced up at her.
"Are you okay?" Carla asked.
"Are you okay?"
She knew Michelle wasn't just talking about their… Relationship? Carla bit her lip in thought. That was something they hadn't discussed.
"I probably will be… In the end. I always am, aren't I? I've always got you." She smiled, reaching up to play with her hair. "And this is okay, you know?" Carla assured her, moving her hand to the side of her neck. She made light circles against her skin. "We're not doing anything wrong, or anything bad. It's all okay."
"I know… I know that." Michelle nodded; she looked more relaxed.
A grin stretched slowly across Carla's face, a little glint in her eyes.
"Come here, then…"
Michelle leant down and met her halfway. Carla's lips met hers with purpose this time and Michelle let her steer it. She responded just as firmly; her hand tangled in Carla's hair lightly and when the older brunette's lips next parted, she brushed her tongue lightly over Michelle's. It caused her breath to hitch and Carla smiled into her. She repeated the action tentatively and Michelle pulled her closer as the kiss deepened. Carla moved her own hand to Michelle's hair, the other still resting against her neck, thumb brushing over her jaw. Carla felt the vibrations as Michelle hummed softly, this time in satisfaction. This was another kind of kiss she'd been craving; long and slow with the taste of the other woman against her tongue, something that Michelle seemed to enjoy refamiliarizing herself with just as much.
"Dad, did I leave my other charger here-"
The door had swung open and Kate had waltzed right in. she'd seen them just before they rapidly broke apart. There was silence; both shock and a hint of fear mixed on their faces, with Kate staring at them open-mouthed. Carla held her breath. She'd been so conscious about relying too heavily on Kate for chats; she hadn't wanted her sister to think she was rubbing it in her face while her grief was so raw. Being caught by her wrapped up in such a heavy kiss definitely wasn't ideal.
"He's… He's not here." Carla managed to stutter.
Kate nodded.
"Yeah, I kinda figured… I mean I doubt you'd be necking off on the sofa with dad and Jenny as your audience."
Then, to Carla's immense relief, she let out a little murmur of laughter.
"You know, I think I almost didn't quite believe it until… But yep. Fair play." She pressed her lips together and muffled her giggles. Carla wondered if it was the first time she'd laughed since…
"I did text you to ask how the night went." She continued, since Michelle and Carla both seemed to be a little lost for words. "But I guess I know."
"I did text you back." Carla mumbled.
Kate held up her phone.
"No battery. My charger's broke but I think I left my spare here." She turned to Michelle. "Alright, cuz?"
Michelle let out a little wince and Kate raised her brow. "Third cuz? Should I specify now since…" She trailed off. A smirk spread across her face and Michelle let out a sound that was half groan, half laughter.
"Oh, god, 'third cuz' is going to be a bit of a gob full every time we see each other." She pointed out. Kate looked thoughtful for a second.
"Yeah, it is. But no one's going to really assume that Carla's your cousin, even if we drop the 'third'." She shrugged. "Carla looks more like my mum."
"Oi!" Carla reached out to try and swipe playfully at her, but she smartly stepped out of the way.
"And most people who don't know you assume you're both sisters, anyway." She pointed out.
"Kate, you're making it worse." Michelle grimaced, dropping her head against Carla's shoulder. The other woman was still curled on her lap. She'd calmed down from the initial shock of being caught, thankful it had only been Kate and allowed her arms to loosely wrap themselves around her frame once more.
"Sorry." She grinned. "To be honest, after all that dancing around one another it's quite nice to see you all bundled up in lo—"
"Kate, let me get you that charger." Carla put in abruptly. She jumped up from Michelle's lap and practically dragged her sister into the kitchen. She opened what Jenny called the 'junk drawer', and was constantly on at Johnny to sort. It was full of charging devices, adaptors, spare batteries, and a few crumpled cash and carry receipts.
"Kate, it's early days. Very early days." She stressed and Kate suddenly understood. She dropped her voice even more. "We haven't called it… that."
"Oh, god, sorry. I proper nearly put my foot in it."
Kate poked her head back around the corner. Michelle was on her feet, readjusting her dressing gown.
"I take it Johnny and Jenny don't know, then?" She said, loud enough for her to hear.
"Definitely not. So, don't mention it until we've had a chance to speak to them." Michelle answered, shuffling over to the kitchen. "I'm going to go shower and get ready, I'm doing the lunch shift."
"Alright, darlin'." Carla leant over and pecked her lips, while Kate busied herself plugging in her phone.
"Ooh, yes to lunch." She said to Carla, holding up her phone to indicate to the text message that had just come through. "Before Michelle steals all your affection."
Michelle rolled her eyes, patting Kate's shoulder gently as she moved by her. Carla flicked the kettle on and brought down two mugs. It was only when they heard the slam of the bathroom door and the shower running that Kate spoke again.
"Come on, tell me then. How was it? What happened?"
"I told you, we just went to dinner." Carla answered, rolling her shoulder. Kate raised her brow.
"Carla. I'm not going to get upset. I don't begrudge you any happiness, okay? You can tell me. I'm nosey." She added in a teasing manner, assuring Carla that it was alright to talk.
Carla bit her lip, but she couldn't stop the little smile that spread across them.
"Kate, it went perfectly." She sighed, leaning against the counter. "I'm still taking it all in. We both are."
"Did you, um…?" Kate winked.
"No!" Carla tutted. She bundled up the teal towel on the side and threw it at her. "We had a walk along the bridge after and… Well, you were right. She told me how confused she'd been. And then we kissed."
"And then?" Kate chucked the towel right back at her.
"And then we came home. It was late, we were both knackered. She kissed me on the landing and then we went to bed. Separately." Carla shrugged. "You know the rest. I was downstairs all of five minutes before you came."
Kate rolled her eyes. "I didn't mean that. I mean, are you officially together?"
Carla chewed her lip. Kate took it upon herself to start making the drinks, since her sister had seemingly forgotten she'd been in the middle of doing so. She nudged her out of the way so she could grab a teaspoon.
"I think so. I mean, we've not really discussed… She works every flippin' hour Robert sends her way."
Kate suddenly reached out for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"Hey, I'm pretty sure at this point it's just a formality." She assured her. "It's nice to see you doing so much better."
|X|X|X|
1 new message from: Carla Connor x
Imran came about the factory. Are you free to call?
Michelle glanced over her shoulder and quickly hit the dial button. It had barely had a chance to ring before she answered.
"Hey, what's going on?" Michelle asked.
"They found out what caused the collapse." Carla sounded odd down the line, causing a flare of panic to erupt in Michelle's chest. "Someone, uh… They deliberately damaged the scaffolding."
The words barrelled into her, almost knocking the air from her lungs. Not that she blamed Carla anyway, but it really wasn't her fault at all. All the damage it had caused… Michelle blinked tears from her eyes and cleared her throat.
"Carla… Are you on your own?"
"No… Kate's here. And Johnny. Kate's in a bad way." Carla's voice was void of emotion; it was matter of fact. Michelle knew Kate wasn't the only one in a bad way.
"Right, okay. I'm coming back. Sit with Kate and Johnny. I'll be ten minutes, alright?"
The fact that Carla didn't even protest at Michelle leaving work for her stirred her anxiety about the older woman's wellbeing further. She just said okay and then hung up the phone. Michelle untied her apron and stalked through into the back. She had already put on her coat and grabbed her bag by the time Robert realised she was even there.
"I'm taking emergency leave." She said. She didn't wait for him to answer, she just walked through the door.
"For what?" Robert had followed her.
"For an emergency." She stated bluntly. "A family emergency."
"Family?" He raised his brow. She didn't like the way he was looking at her. Or the tone he was demanding answers from her in.
"Yes. Something that affects Kate and johnny and Carla. My family." Michelle was about to throw in a comment about him holding her up, but Robert's face twisted into a scornful grimace.
"Oh, I know you're Carla's family. It's disgusting what you've done." He spat, causing her heart to freeze in her chest.
"You what?"
"You're related." He was looking at her as though she was something vile at the bottom of his shoe. It wasn't a way he'd ever looked at her before and she wanted to be angry. She was angry. But hurt was creeping up on her too.
"We're not. Our dads are second cousins, that's all." Michelle forced out, managing to put enough bite in her tone that he realised he hadn't quite managed to succeed in embarrassing her.
"She had relationships with both of your brothers, Michelle. It's still sickening." He commented cruelly.
She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek, trying to keep her expression straight. There was no way she was going to let him know he'd got to her.
"My private life isn't anything to do with you."
"Well it becomes my business, when it affects my actual business, Michelle." He suddenly snapped, throwing his hand out to gesture to the Bistro. "Go. But you're making up these hours."
"Right." Michelle muttered, turning around and exiting the place. She took a deep breath in; she felt slightly shaky after that encounter with him. If he found out the extent of their relationship, she dreaded to think how he might react. But that was a worry for another day; she needed to get back to the Rovers.
Everything seemed normal when she pushed the pub door open. Jenny was stood moodily at the bar; probably because she'd been made to keep serving and was missing out on whatever drama was happening in the back. When she saw Michelle, she offered her not greeting. She just tilted her head in the direction of the living area, a solemn little grimace on her face.
As soon as she opened the door, she knew things were bad. Kate and Johnny were on the sofa. He has his arms around his daughter while she just sobbed and sobbed into him.
"But why would anyone… They did it on purpose? I lost her. I lost her and it could have been prevented! Someone did this!" She had her fists clenched and Johnny was trying his best to placate her. They both looked around when Michelle appeared.
"Kate… I'm so sorry." She whispered, tears springing to her own eyes. She leant down and gave her a hug.
"Carla's making drinks." Johnny nodded towards the kitchen and Michelle made her way over.
Carla had her back to her; her hands gripped the counter. The kettle must have already boiled but the three mugs were empty.
"Carla?"
She whipped around. Her face was pale, eyes wide and full of unshed tears. Michelle dropped her bag on the floor and rushed over to her, wrapping her arms around her.
"It's okay, I'm here."
Carla shook her head. She clutched onto her tightly and let out a sob. "Why did they do it? Who did it, 'Chelle? Were they after me? Were they trying to set me up? What if they're still here? What they're coming—" She fired off manically, tensed with fear. She stared frantically around the room over Michelle's shoulder, as though someone could just jump out at her.
Michelle moved her hand to the back of her head and stroked over her hair. "Calm down, baby, calm down…No one's trying to get you." She assured her. Michelle pulled back slightly to she could see her face. She looked like she had before, the lost look in her eye, hunched shoulders; her body trembled.
"Okay, look at me." Michelle instructed, taking her face between her hands. "You're safe. I promise. You know, it could have easily just been…I don't know, kids messing—"
Carla shook her head, letting out another little cry. "Imran doesn't think that. Someone deliberately damaged it, to make it unsafe. Kids wouldn't do that." Her breath was shallow. "What if it was meant to be me? They—they might want to finish the job. Like…Like when Tony—" She shuddered and backed herself against the counter, shaking her head. "I can't—"
Tears splashed down her cheeks. She'd already thrown her hands up over her ears. She knew they'd come back if she wasn't calm but there was something wrapped around her chest, preventing her from taking in any air. "Oh god, I don't want to hear them, I don't…"
"Carla, there's no one in this room but you and me." Michelle assured her, stroking over one of her hands. She coaxed it away from her ear and laced their fingers together. "No one wants to hurt you. If someone damaged it deliberately; they probably just wanted more work out of it, or more money, or to cause a hindrance to the business." She listed off. It wasn't exactly reassuring, but she didn't want Carla to dwell on the idea that someone had set out to hurt her. "Just breathe… Listen to me…" She murmured softly, her lips by her temple. "No one's going to hurt you."
Carla leant into her, trying to take in the logic of what Michelle was saying. It made sense, but she couldn't completely stamp out the fear in her chest. It was easier to breathe again, though, as Michelle stroked over her hair and spoke to her soothingly.
"Why don't I make the drinks, eh?"
"No, no, I'll do it…I just need a minute…Before I go back in there." Carla whispered. She didn't want her sister to see her in a state. She felt selfish. "See if Kate's alright? I'll make you one as well."
"Are you sure?"
Carla nodded, and Michelle pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead.
"Okay…"
She heard Johnny ask Michelle to sit with Kate while he changed a barrel for Jenny, and then she heard something else. Something that caused her breath to hitch. It was right in her ear, echoing in her head as if there really was someone else in the room.
They were after you.
Carla squeezed her eyes shut for a second, then reached into the cupboard for a fourth mug. She brought it down onto the counter.
And you are so selfish. It's Kate that's suffering.
She took a deep breath and brought out teabags. Coffee was probably a bad idea.
No wonder Michelle's always eager to rush off to work. She knows you're a liability. She probably feels safer with Robert. I bet she's regretting this now.
"She's with me." Carla whispered to herself. She was trying to locate a teaspoon.
For how long? Until she realises you're really crazy?
Carla picked up the kettle with a shaking hand and poured water into the first mug.
Do it. Go on. Do it. I bet she'll leave you.
"She won't leave me, she won't…"
Prove it, then. Prove she really wants to stay.
"No…Stop it…"
She'll leave you and you know it. She won't go through this again. You nearly killed her. You killed Rana. You destroyed Kate's life. She's distraught because of you and you won't get away with it. You don't deserve her. Michelle's going to leave and you'll pay, you'll pay—
"That's not true!" Carla suddenly shouted.
PROVE IT!
"Carla!"
Michelle had hurried back through to the kitchen at her yell. She'd watched her pour the water, she'd watched her deliberately miss the mug and she heard her scream out in pain when it splashed over the back of her hand.
"Oh my god…" Michelle instantly bundled her over to the sink and brought her hand up to the tap. She switched on the cold water and pushed in the plug. The stream flowed directly over her hand for a moment and then Michelle lowered it into the basin when it had started to fill.
"Carla…" She whispered, horrified. "Why did you—"
"What's happened?" Kate had poked her head around the corner. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she'd stopped crying.
"Kate, can you call—"
"No!" Carla cried, shaking her head rapidly. "No, don't call anyone. I'll have to go away again, I don't want to, I can't—" She broke off and let out a terrified sob as she dropped her head into Michelle's shoulder.
"You won't, you won't," Michelle promised, wrapping one of her arms around the other woman's waist. "We'll call Ali? Is that okay?"
Carla didn't answer, but she didn't protest either. Michelle looked over at Kate. "Call Ali, please. He's on nights, but she should be awake by now."
Kate nodded; she shot her sister a concerned glance before retreating. Carla was still crying against her. Michelle kissed the top of her head and rubbed comforting circles over her back.
"No, keep your hand in there..." Michelle stopped Carla from taking it out of the water. She knew she'd just wanted to hold her properly, so she wrapped both of her arms tighter around her shivering frame and held the back of her head gently. "Don't worry, I've got you, I've got you."
Michelle peered into the sink. It didn't look like too bad of an injury. The skin across the back of her hand was an angry looking red colour but it wasn't broken. Thank god it hadn't just been boiled.
"Sweetheart, why did you do that?" Michelle asked softly, after her cries had started to calm.
Carla lifted her head from her shoulder and used the back of her unhurt hand to wipe her cheeks.
"I don't know… It was so loud in my head." She whispered. She stared hard at the floor. "And I knew, I knew they'd stop if…"
She felt the younger woman's hand against her cheek and then her head was being lifted. Michelle looked at her with an expression so full of care. "I don't deserve you…"
"What?"
Carla swallowed. "That's what… Was in my head. I can't explain it, it's just this loud…voice… Like my thoughts but they're not, it's like it's someone else." She frowned. She could feel the pain in her hand now, it was stinging. "They said that if I was like this again that… You wouldn't want me."
Michelle tilted her head, her own eyes glassy as she shook her head gently. "That's not true." Her words were as soft as the look on her face. She reached out and tilted her chin, leaning in a little closer. "I still want you…"
The relief that clouded Carla's eyes broke Michelle's heart; it was as if she truly believed she'd been about to go. Carla just nodded; there were tears on her cheeks again and this time Michelle wiped them away. She dipped forward and pressed a very delicate kiss against her lips. "Only I speak for me, okay? And I want you."
Michelle coaxed her back against her chest once more and held her. Carla was still shaking, so she stroked over her hair and whispered reassurances to her, listening to her breath slowly evening out.
"Mum?"
They both looked around. Ali dipped his head and offered Carla a warm smile.
"Are you okay, Carla?"
She shrugged, reluctantly pulling herself from Michelle's hold.
"I don't know… I had a panic attack, I think." She murmured, without meeting his eyes. "I heard things again…"
"She's burnt her hand." Michelle gestured to the sink.
He narrowed his eyes in concern, but didn't say anything. "I can look at that for you… Did you take your medication today?"
Carla's eyes widened in shock. "I forgot."
"Hang on, did you take them yesterday?" Michelle asked. Carla thought back. It had been such a mad day, she'd been on a high, it had completely slipped her mind.
"No… I didn't take my immunosuppressants either."
"Right, I'll get them for you."
Carla didn't particularly want Michelle to leave, but she didn't want to cause any more of a fuss so she let her go without complaint.
"It's really important that you remember to take them." Ali sighed.
"I know…I know, it just slipped my mind."
She let him assess the extent of the damage, which thankfully wasn't much. He concluded that he'd be able to wrap it up to keep it clean and it would heal fine without any further treatment. Michelle was back with her medication and both of their phones.
"Don't double-dose or anything." Ali warned, and she just nodded. She knew. She tipped both sets of pills into her hand and swallowed them down with the water he'd got her.
"I've put reminders in both of our phones." Michelle told her.
"I think…" Ali started slowly, turning to them both. "That it might be a good idea to arrange an extra session this week? I'll sort it for you, Jeanette should be able to get you in again tomorrow."
Carla wasn't keen on that idea, either, but she agreed just for the sake of not causing arguments. Besides, she didn't want to look like she was refusing to comply with recommended treatment.
"Try to avoid stress, today. I know that's not easy…" He offered them both a saddened smile and Michelle knew Kate must have spoken to him. "Eat something, get a decent night's sleep and I'll text you when I've got the time of your appointment."
They thanked him, and he offered to see himself out.
"I messed up, didn't I?" Carla whispered.
Michelle shook her head.
"Of course not, it's a slip up. It's not your fault."
"Kate… We should get back to her."
Johnny was back from changing the barrel, he looked like he'd just been about to walk through to the kitchen as Michelle and Carla came into view.
"Are you okay? Ali said you'd—"
"Just an accident." Carla dismissed, too tired to go into any detail. The exhaustion had crept up on her. Her head pounded. All she wanted to do was lie in the dark, but Kate was slumped on the sofa looking like her whole world had fallen apart all over again. She sat down next to her and slung her arm around her shoulders. The gesture caused Kate's face to crumple once more and she leant into her sister.
Michelle pulled out her phone and fired off a text.
To: Robert Preston
Won't make it back in. Put it down as emergency leave. Thanks.
Barely thirty seconds hand gone by before a reply came through.
1 new message from: Robert Preston
Not a chance. Put you down for 10am-10pm tomorrow.
Michelle grit her teeth together, but didn't argue. She pocketed her mobile and perched on her arm of the sofa, her hand resting on Kate's shoulder.
They didn't really move much throughout the rest of the day. Johnny and Jenny had to mind the bar, so Michelle made them both drinks, listened to Kate cry, changed the television channels when something rubbish started playing, despite the fact that no one was paying attention. It was only after she'd cleared plates of food away that neither of the women had really touched that Johnny came back through for his late break.
"Kate, love, you look done in. Why don't you stay here tonight?" He offered. She shook her head and stretched out, yawning widely.
"No…No, I'm going to head back. I just want a bit of time on my own, actually."
Johnny looked hesitant.
"I text Daniel earlier and he wants to see me anyway. He'll be due at the flat soon."
He looked slightly happier to let her leave after that. They said their goodbye's and then Jenny came through.
"Sean's here. News is all around the street about—"
Michelle tapped Carla's knee gently. The last thing they needed was Jenny loudly reeling off the Street's speculation, while she threw in her own theories. Carla didn't need to hear that. She took Michelle's hand gratefully and allowed her to lead her from the room. It was blissfully quiet once they'd entered Michelle's bedroom and she'd closed the door, blocking out the rumble of chatter below.
Carla didn't say anything as she climbed into bed. She just sank against the pillows and rolled over. Michelle got in bedside her, hesitantly wrapping an arm over her waist. When she didn't protest, she cuddled in closer.
"'Chelle, what are we?" She whispered into the dim room. Michelle bit her lip as Carla rolled around to face her.
"Why is it…Too much for you right now? Because if it is—"
"No." Carla shook her head. "It's not…I just…Kate asked about us earlier. She asked if we were together and I didn't know what to say."
Michelle smiled, her chest lightening in relief despite the horrendous afternoon they'd just had. She reached out and tucked Carla's hair behind her ear, gliding her fingertip over her jaw.
"Next time, say yes…"
The corners of Carla's lips twitched, it took a moment, but she finally managed a smile of her own.
"So, what do I call you?" Carla asked, gesturing for her to move closer. Michelle leant in until her head rested against Carla's. "Partner sounds…Business-like."
She was half tempted to ask Carla to save the conversation for when she had a clearer head, but she realised that maybe this was some of what was clouding it.
"Well, if I were a bloke…I'd be your boyfriend, wouldn't I?"
Carla let out a quiet murmur of amusement and moved her good hand down to Michelle's. She wound their fingers together.
"So, you're my girlfriend?"
Michelle squeezed her hand gently.
"Yeah…Yeah, I am."
She gave a content hum; she was exhausted. She'd crashed hard after the surge of adrenaline had left her body. "And you want to be?"
"Of course I do…" Michelle assured her. She kissed the tip of her nose. "As long as you want to be mine?"
"I do." Carla mumbled. Her eyes grew heavier and she was too fatigued to keep them open. They flickered shut and she felt Michelle pull her in closer, her arms securing themselves around her frame. She felt safe, now. Like she could sleep, and she so desperately wanted to…
"Stay." Was the last thing she managed, and Michelle nodded against her.
"I am, I'm here."
|X|X|X|
Carla jerked awake at the sound of Michelle's phone alarm. She'd been in such a deep sleep, a good sleep and it wasn't something she wanted to be pulled away from. Not after it had taken her so long to settle. She let out a groan and rolled over, away from the source of the noise. Michelle sat up and quickly turned it off.
"Ugh, I thought you didn't start until twelve?" Carla murmured, pulling the duvet further over her shoulder. Back to her usual, moody morning self, it seemed.
Michelle checked the time through bleary eyes and winced. It was seven-thirty, but after Carla's impromptu nap the night before, she'd been restless for the remainder of the evening. Neither of them had dropped off until after two.
"Well, he wants me to make up the hours from last night." She sighed, "So I'm in two hours early."
"Oh."
"And I'm finishing two hours later."
"'Chelle…" Carla whined, suddenly sitting up. "I barely flamin' see you unless I'm having a meltdown." She huffed, though she knew it wasn't the younger woman's fault. "I never get minute with you to just…"
Michelle pulled her in and kissed her and Carla responded instantly. She forgot that she was supposed to be tired. She climbed into Michelle's lap pushed her back down onto the bed. She was enjoying it, kissing her, she was; Michelle's tongue brushed against her own and she wanted to want more of her. She tried to push herself; her hand fell to the younger woman's hip and she moved her fingertips beneath her pyjama top and kissed her harder, but Michelle was suddenly breaking away.
"Carla, stop… Stop, you're not happy with this."
Carla pushed her hair back and reluctantly climbed off her, slightly breathless. Michelle was too, her cheeks were flushed, lips reddened.
"Sorry…" Carla whispered, dropping her hand into her hands.
"There's no need to apologise, hey," Michelle gently nudged her hands away from Carla's face and cupped it between her own. "Carla, there's no rush. Okay? I'm not going anywhere-"
"But it's so frustrating!" Carla said, bringing her knees up to her chin. She wrapped her arms around them. "I want to feel…Things again. This medication, it just makes me numb."
"Yeah, it will for a while, darling." Michelle placed a sympathetic hand on her knee. "But you don't need to push yourself to do things, there's no pressure at all—"
"But there's always something." Carla argued, staring up at the ceiling now. "I just want us to be a normal couple."
Michelle offered her a little smile. "Hey, we'll never be normal." She tried to tease, but Carla wasn't having it.
"You know that night we had…" She sighed; her eyes still focused upwards. "It was incredible." They fluttered shut for a moment as she brought her head back down again, and suddenly her gaze was on Michelle. "You know it was… I felt so…connected to you."
The younger woman nodded in agreement. She reached out for Carla's hand and Carla took it, squeezing gently. "I want to feel like that again," She whispered sadly. "I want us to have that intimacy."
Michelle frowned slightly and shuffled forward, until she was in front of her. She took her other hand too and held onto both. "You don't think we're intimate?" She asked. She shifted her fingers until they were slotted between Carla's.
"How many people could go through what we have?" Carla looked like she was about to argue, so Michelle continued before she could interrupt. "How many couples could have survived these last two months?"
"We're only just a couple—"
"And how many people could see one another the way we have and just fall harder—" Michelle suddenly broke off and clapped a hand over her mouth. Carla's eyes snapped to hers. The younger woman jumped up off the bed and took a few steps back, looking at her fearfully. It was completely silent.
"What?" Carla whispered; her heart started to thud.
Michelle didn't speak. She swallowed; her mouth moved like she was trying to form words that wouldn't leave. For one insane second Carla thought the other woman was going to bolt again. She quickly pulled herself up from the bed and moved towards her, grasping her hand.
"Say it…"
Michelle's lower lip trembled; Carla watched as her eyes filled with tears. There was a lump of emotion in her own throat.
"If you mean it, tell me."
Tears spilled down the younger woman's cheeks. She knew she had to. If she pretended, if she backtracked, it would spoil everything, it would hurt them both and Carla didn't deserve it. Not after everything else. She couldn't do that to her and she was so tired of keeping it all in.
"I meant it." Michelle choked. As soon as the words left her lips, she let out a sob. She wasn't even sure why she was so scared.
Carla stepped closer, blinking as her own vision blurred. She wanted to see Michelle properly.
"When we were up on the fire escape…and…and you asked me to let you go…" She said, her breath hitching slightly as she forced herself to speak through her emotion. "And I said I couldn't…and I told you I loved you…" She let out a little whimper; her eyes overflowed, and tears fell thickly down her cheeks. "I meant it then, and I mean it now."
Michelle reached up with shaking hands and held Carla's face between them. Carla could see the emotion in her eyes, the determination, the fear, her sincerity. There were tears on her own cheeks, but the younger woman wiped with away with gentle brushes of her thumbs. It reminded Carla of the way she'd held her after Aidan… The way she'd held her like she needed her to know just how much she meant to her. It just made them flow faster. Michelle took a slow breath in to steady herself.
"I love you, Carla." She whispered, her voice cracking slightly. She swallowed hard. "More than I ever have, before, more than a friend…" She continued to erase the tears from Carla's skin; she'd succumbed to them just as hard as she had. "I don't know when it happened, but it did, and I think I've known for a while but I just couldn't say it…But I can, now…I've fallen in love with you."
Carla half sobbed, half laughed as she pulled Michelle towards her. She kissed her, then again, and she kept kissing her, because they were laughing and crying and could barely hang onto it. She managed to pull herself away and compose herself enough to tilt the younger woman's chin and hold her gaze. "'Chelle," She whispered, her head still completely spinning with the aftermath of her confession. "I love you too… I am completely in love with you, too."
It set Michelle off again, Carla held onto her tightly until she took her hand and started to pull her back towards the bed. She seemed to have forgotten completely that she was supposed to be getting ready for a shift. Carla found herself back in her lap and she was kissing her again. Michelle kissed her slowly, so lovingly and Carla understood what she meant. This was intimate. It was real. It was teary faces and knotted morning hair and she had a bandaged hand and raised scars down her arm but the woman she'd almost pulled over a fire escape kissed her and held her like she was the most important thing in the world.
Carla laid against her as their tears slowed and they'd calmed slightly. Michelle stroked over her hair, almost dazed. She hadn't expected any of this. It was hard to take in, too good to be real after the rows, pacing hospital corridors, fearing that she might never see her again… But it was. And she was here. Safe, curled into her, her breath steady, completely relaxed as she massaged her scalp with gentle fingers.
"Are you really working for twelve hours?"
Michelle nodded miserably. "Clocked off after half a shift, yesterday. He wouldn't accept it as emergency leave." She rolled her eyes and Carla looked up. Her brow was furrowed, and Michelle wished she hadn't added the last part. She needed to get ready soon and she'd wanted to keep Carla calm.
"What? You weren't allowed emergency leave to support your girlfriend and your family?" Carla shook her head in disbelief. "He's taking the mick, Michelle. Don't let him bully you."
"Well…He doesn't know we're together, does he? I bet he'll go mental." She sighed, leaning back against the headboard. Carla went with her, her arm wrapped around the younger woman's waist. "Mind you, we need to tell Johnny first."
"Robert isn't going to do anything because your personal life isn't his business." Carla stated firmly. Michelle bit her lip. She hadn't relayed the parting conversation she'd had with him to Carla, and she didn't want to either. It would only get her worked up and the last thing she wanted was to cause more stress for her.
"Yeah, let's just focus on telling family. I was thinking…"
"Hmm?" Carla absentmindedly twirled a section of Michelle's hair around her finger.
"Well, you have your extra session today and I'm working late. So, tomorrow? We'll get the family together. And we'll tell them. We'll tell them we're in a relationship."
Carla bit her lip, a coy smile spreading across them. Her stomach fluttered, but she wasn't too nervous. They were the best kind of nerves; the kind that meant she was happy, and 'happy' hadn't happened much over the last few months. She settled back against her chest, even though she knew the younger woman would have to make a move soon. She could have a few more minutes.
"Okay, sounds like a plan."
|X|X|X|
Carla scrolled through her phone. Michelle had only messaged her twice during her shift.
Chelle x
[12:00pm] Take your medication sweetheart. I love you! xxx
[12:06pm] I've just taken it. I love you too, baby. How's your shift going? xxx
[10:32pm] Only just finished! I'm on my way home now. Xxx
She'd sent the last one barely ten minutes ago. Carla's eyes scanned the first message. She'd been looking at it all day. It was so weird; they'd sent their love through text more times than she could ever count, but knowing the way she meant it now… It had caused happy flutters in her stomach throughout the entire day. She'd even been more open in therapy, though the consequences of that meant that she'd now been given 'homework' beyond the stupid diary entries she'd been filling in.
It was quarter to eleven by the time Michelle made an appearance.
"I thought you were meant to be finishing at ten!" Carla jumped up from the sofa and nudged the door closed behind her as she came through.
"Yeah, I was meant to!" She huffed, shrugging her bag from her shoulder and dumping it by the armchair. "Only Robert decided we desperately needed to do a stock take tonight, after he'd sent the rest of the kitchen staff home."
"So…It was just you and him?"
"Ha. No." Michelle scoffed. "He conveniently remembered he'd arranged to meet an old mate of his who is apparently some wine supplier now and sloped off for a tasting session." She spoke through gritted teeth. "I'm absolutely knack—"
Her phone buzzed and she pulled it from her pocket.
1 new message from: Robert Preston
You better have locked up. Be in at 10 again tomorrow—short staffed.
"Not a chance." Michelle spoke aloud and Carla moved over her shoulder to read the message. "I'll ram these bloody keys down his throat."
Carla gently plucked the phone from her hand and removed the notification from the screen. She then slipped it nearly into the top of Michelle's bag.
"Sorry, I'm coming in ranting like it's—"
The other woman cut her off with a gentle kiss. Michelle responded softly, though neither of them dared linger too long.
"Mm, I've missed you." Michelle murmured. "How did you therapy go, today? Did you tell her about yesterday?"
Carla nodded. "Yeah, but I'll tell you more after your bath."
Michelle narrowed her eyes.
"How did you know I was planning on getting in the bath?"
Carla took her hand and pulled open the door. "Because I know you." She shrugged, starting to lead her upstairs. "And I know when you've had a knackering day in your heels, all you want is…" Carla trailed off and pushed the bathroom door open.
The room was sightly hazy due to the steam, and the dim lighting. Candles flickered on the windowsill and the bath was already full. Thick, white foam floated on the surface and Michelle could tell from the smell of it that Carla had managed to replace the fancy bubble bath she'd used the last of.
"Oh, you're an absolute darling, aren't you?" She wrapped her arms around the other woman from behind, her chin resting on her shoulder.
"You did the same for me." Carla reminded her. "I've even stolen one of the posh towels for you. Don't tell Jenny; they're meant to be for display only."
Michelle nuzzled into her; she pressed a kiss against her cheek and then her lips were by her ear.
"Why don't you steal another…?" She whispered.
Carla froze.
"Hey, you don't have to." Michelle was quick to reassure her. "I didn't mean anything by it…"
She turned around to face Michelle, a small smile forming across her lips. "No, I want to…"
"Grab another posh towel then."
Carla laughed and told Michelle to get herself in, before leaving the bathroom. She thought she'd heard the bell ring for last orders, and so made a sharp dash to the airing cupboard to find the towels that Jenny only hung out when guests were staying. They'd been out when they'd all first piled into the Rovers, but she figured the novelty of having them all to stay had worn off pretty quickly for her. She shrugged out of the pyjamas she'd changed into and instead wrapped the towel around her body. It was warm against her skin. And the next thing against it would be Michelle's…
Michelle was sat on the edge of the bath in her dressing gown when she walked in, her hair piled on top of her head.
"Ah…" Carla grinned affectionately, giving her hair bun a gentle tug. Michelle rolled her eyes and gestured to the other hair tie around her wrist, sliding it off.
"Need one?"
Carla allowed her to scoop up her hair and tie it in a similar fashion; Michelle was always so gentle with her, the way her fingers combed lightly through her hair, the soft kiss she pressed against her neck when she was finished. Carla turned around to face her, leant in and connected her lips. Michelle responded gently, and she moved her hands to the tie on her dressing gown. The younger woman let her untie it; she pushed it from her shoulders and broke away softly, grazing a fingertip along her collarbone. Michelle tilted her head.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
Carla nodded.
"Yeah…" She moved her own hands to the front of her towel and untwisted it. Michelle was still looking at her, though when she reached out to take her hand and noticed her bandage was no longer there, she glance down.
"Hey, how's your hand?"
The skin was still pink, but she'd been lucky.
"It's fine… Absolutely fine." Carla smiled. Michelle kept hold of her and pulled her towards the bath. They sank into the water together. Carla felt her body relax as she was submerged in the blanket of warmth, her back pressed against Michelle's chest. The younger woman wrapped her arms around her, hands clasped over her stomach and Carla rested her own over them.
"So, how was therapy?" Michelle asked gently; she dotted a couple of kisses against the side of her head and Carla let out a content sigh.
"It was okay… Jeanette wants me to…Get the family together. Put an action plan together in case…You know, so everyone knows what to do to calm me down."
"Well, that's handy." Michelle said, shifting one of her hands slightly so she could stroke over Carla's. "We need them all together anyway so… Two birds with one stone, ey?"
Carla nodded. She didn't really want to talk about therapy. She didn't want to do anything other than lay there in the water with her. She closed her eyes and settled against her. Michelle seemed to understand because she fell silent too. They soaked up the quiet, the calm; occasionally the younger woman dipped her head and pressed little kisses against her shoulder and each time she did her stomach fluttered. Carla laughed quietly the third time it happened.
"What?"
She turned her head to face her.
"You, you give me butterflies."
Michelle bit her lip; her cheeks flushed and a wide grin spread across her face. Carla stretched up and kissed her. She'd intended to linger but an abrupt knock on the door suddenly forced them apart.
"Carla, love, are you going to be much longer?" Johnny's slightly muffled voice came from behind the door. "Flamin' Jenny's decided she needs a peaceful soak and she's not letting me in. Says I'm not to disturb her." He huffed.
"So, you're disturbing us…" Carla muttered under her breath, shaking her head.
"No, we'll be out in a minute!"
Michelle's eyes widened the exact moment Carla realised exactly what she'd said.
"We?" Johnny sounded confused, almost worried. She couldn't blame him; he probably thought she was in here chatting to the voices in her head.
"Um…" Carla cleared her throat and searched frantically for something to say. "Yeah, 'Chelle's just keeping me company."
"You're making it sound worse!" Michelle hissed, throwing her head back dramatically. They could hear Johnny stuttering behind the door.
"We're discussing…women's issues."
"Oh! Right—Uh…Okay. Well, tell you what—take your time. I'll just…Uh, use the customer toilets."
Michelle puffed out her cheeks, letting out a heavy sigh when they heard his footsteps fade down the stairs.
Carla turned to face her, an apologetic little smile on her face.
"I think we got away with it, baby."
|X|X|X|
Carla yawned widely as she made her way into the back room the following morning. That had been the best night's sleep she'd had in a while. She felt refreshed, which was a good thing considering today was the day.
"Morning, love." Johnny looked up from his paper and nodded at her. Jenny was beside him, bleary eyed and spreading marmalade onto toast; she mumbled a sleepy greeting to her. She could hear rattling in the kitchen, so she assumed Michelle was getting breakfast.
"Sleep okay?"
"Yeah, really well actually." Carla smiled. Her eyes fell to the empty coffee pot on the table. "I'll refill that. Or, I'll get Michelle to." She grinned, picking it up and carrying it through to the kitchen. Michelle was at the counter, already dressed in a knee length skirt with a royal blue, lacey top tucked in. Carla watched for a moment; she hadn't realised she was there yet. She scooped scrambled egg from a pan and plated it up next to seeded toast. It was on a tray with a bowl of fruit and a tall glass of water.
"That colour really suits you." Carla commented.
Michelle turned around.
"Hey, you, I was just about to bring this up." She gestured to the tray and then glanced down at herself, brushing a hand absentmindedly over the blue lace. "Thank you…"
Carla shot a look over her shoulder; she thought she could hear Jenny and Johnny engaged in conversation so she quickly sidled up to the younger woman and wrapped her arms around her neck.
"You should have woken me." She murmured, leaning in to kiss her quickly.
"You looked peaceful." Michelle shrugged, tipping her chin and stealing another one from her. "Listen, I've got to dash off, but I'll be back on my lunch break. That's when everyone's coming over…"
Carla swallowed and nodded. She was ready for things to be out in the open, but she wasn't ready for the gossip. No one would be gawping at Sally and Tim or muttering about Johnny and Jenny; no one would bat an eye if Beth and Kirk walked down the street hand-in-hand. She wanted it to be like that.
"It's going to be alright…" Michelle reassured her, though Carla knew she was nervous herself. "Eat your breakfast. Try to relax. I'll see you soon…"
Carla peered over her shoulder at the try on the counter; she smiled despite the nerves and wrapped her arms around the younger woman. "I love you." She whispered.
"I love you, too."
They heard the scrape of a chair and quickly broke apart. Jenny appeared in the doorway with a sympathetic grimace on her face. Michelle moved around her to pick her bag up from the counter.
"Carla, love, how're you feeling?"
Her brow furrowed in confusion.
"Um, fine?"
Jenny hummed in a way that made Carla feel patronised.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of…"
Michelle's eyes snapped up and she could tell Carla had frozen too.
"What's not?" Carla asked, cautiously.
"It happens to the best of us…Well, the fortunate of us, I'd say. At least we get to this stage of life eh?"
Carla let out an impatient huff.
"Will you please stop talking in riddles and—"
Jenny produced a leaflet and handed it to her. "This helped me."
It took Carla moment to focus on the words, and when she did, it took a second longer. Menopause Matters.
Over Jenny's shoulder, Carla could see Michelle's lips pressed together. She looked like she was about to burst out laughing.
"What-?"
"Johnny told me about last night, about you having issues. You know, hot flushes used to keep me awake—"
Carla was at a loss for words. Michelle had stuffed the heel of her hand into her mouth at the look on her face. She could see her eyes shining with mirth. She glanced down at the leaflet again.
"Jenny it's really not necessary…" She started, but it didn't seem as though she was listening.
"You know, I go to this really amazing tai chi class at the community centre. It's really good for mindfulness, it helped me manage by mood. We could go together!" She suggested brightly.
Michelle had turned away now to clutch at the counter. Carla could see her shoulders trembling.
"Jenny, I am not menopausal!" Carla exclaimed, and Michelle barely managed to disguise her cackle of laughter as a coughing fit. She shoved the leaflet back into her bewildered hands.
"Oh, alright. I was only trying to help." She huffed. "There's nothing to get offended about." Jenny turned around and flounced out of the kitchen. Carla reached out and mimed a violent strangulation after her.
"The cheeky cow!" Carla hissed. "Can you believe—Don't laugh. Don't you dare laugh."
But Michelle had crumpled. She clutched her stomach, tears shining in her eyes as she howled with it. "Your face!" She spluttered, wiping beneath her eyes quickly to rescue any smeared mascara.
"It'll be her face if she pulls a stunt like that again!" Carla threatened. "Right at the end of my fist!"
Michelle was still chuckling as she walked over to her. "Well, try not to cause any fights before lunchtime. We've got enough to battle."
"Mm." Carla just hummed, still completely fuming with her. Michelle grinned and dipped her head, pecking her lips. The exchange had definitely lightened her mood, anyhow.
"I'll see you later. Don't work yourself up, you'll get a hot flush." She teased. Carla swatted at her playfully.
"Get lost!"
|X|X|X|
"Oh, wow, full house!" Maria commented. She'd just arrived at the Rovers and Sean had sent her through as instructed. Ryan, Ali and Kate were sat at the kitchen table, Johnny and Jenny had taken over the sofa and Carla was sat in the chair looking nervous with Michelle perched on the arm of it.
"Yeah, come in." Carla nodded, gesturing for her to take the remaining seat the table.
"What's this in aid of? Oh, god, no one's died, have they?" Jenny commented dramatically, causing Carla to shoot her a look.
"No, of course not." She snapped. After their earlier encounter, she really wasn't in the mood for any of her stupid comments. Michelle placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"Are you ill?" Johnny asked, worriedly.
"No—Well, no more than I already am." Carla shook her head, letting out a sigh. "Look… There's a couple of things…" She started, glancing around at them all. "Jeanette, my therapist, reckons it's a good idea for me to figure out an action plan with my family, so you all know what to do if I have another episode. Because I can't keep pulling 'Chelle or Ali out of work."
Johnny nodded, "Sounds sensible." He agreed.
"But first—" Michelle cut in, because she knew if they went off down that road first, it was likely they wouldn't get around to mentioning anything at all. "There's something else we've got to tell you."
They were all watching, confused. Aside from Kate, who gave them both an encouraging little nod. Ryan scrutinised the pair of them, as though he had an idea of what was coming. But the rest looked oblivious.
"It's about—Well, you all know what Peter shouted in the pub, don't you?"
"Oh that?" Maria suddenly laughed. "Don't worry about that! Seriously, we all knew he was shooting his mouth off, spouting drunken rubbish—"
"It was true." Michelle silenced her. She reached down and Carla laced her fingers through hers; she could feel the younger woman shaking.
Maria's brow flew to towards her hairline.
"True?" She gasped, looking from one to the other. "I…I just thought—Well—Blimey…True." Her eyes fell to their joined hands. "Are you like—together, or summat?"
Carla sighed in relief. Something she'd discovered in therapy was that it was so much easier to be asked things, to have something to answer rather than knowing where the hell to begin talking.
"Yes." She confirmed, her grip on Michelle's hand tightening. "We're together… We're in a relationship."
It was silent again. Carla prayed it was just the shock of it. It was broken when Ryan clapped his hands together.
"Yes." He grinned, leaning over the table and holding out his palm to Kate. She rolled her eyes but tapped her own against it. "Finally!"
"Finally? Hang on did—Did you two know?" Johnny questioned, looking around at them. Ryan shrugged.
"It was sort of obvious that they liked one another…"
Kate nodded in agreement. Johnny turned his attention back to Carla and Michelle. They watched him anxiously.
"Are you sure?" He asked, his tone firm. "Are you sure this is what you want because if this upends-"
"Dad, I'm positive. It's only thing I've been certain about."
He shifted his gaze to Michelle.
"I love her." She affirmed. "We love each other."
"So you were after Michelle!" Jenny suddenly piped up; Carla thought she could see all the pieces slotting into place. "Hang on, were those the women's issues you were working through? Lesbian issues?"
"Lesbian issues?" Kate scoffed from the table, throwing Jenny an offhand glance.
"Well, what else were you doing in the bathroom together last night?" She stupidly put in, causing Johnny to suddenly shift uncomfortably.
"That doesn't matter." Carla answered quickly. She often wondered if there could possibly be anyone in the world as annoying as Jenny. Maybe Gail Platt. "What matters is we're together and we've told you. We don't want to make a huge deal of it."
"So you're gay, now?" She wasn't finished with the stupid questions, then.
"No." Michelle groaned, letting out a sigh of annoyance.
"We've just fallen in love with each other." Carla tried to explain. "I don't love her because she's a woman, I love her because—Well, you don't choose it do you?"
"Evidently not." Maria laughed, but she was smiling now the shock had started to wear off. "If you're happy then… Congratulations?"
"I second that." Ryan winked at the pair of them.
"Yep, me too." Kate grinned.
Ryan suddenly slapped Ali on the back. He rolled his eyes.
"I'm happy for you both." He smiled, though it was slightly awkward between them all. It could only be expected. It was going better than either had built up in their heads, despite their reassurances to one another that it would be alright.
"Okay…If it's what you both want." Johnny said, but he still looked worried. Carla couldn't help but feel disappointed. He didn't seem particularly thrilled at the idea, but then she supposed he was worried about her health and his family. It had almost been blown apart. "I really hope it works out."
"What did Jeanette ask you to do?" Ali asked, when it became clear that there wasn't going to be much else said.
"Um… She just… Said I should let you all know how to help me if I—But I mean it only really concerns the people I live with." Carla shrugged. She sat back against the arm of the chair, so she was effectively leant into Michelle who was perched there.
"Yeah but it might be helpful if all of us here know, in case it happened on the street?" Maria suggested. There was a murmur of agreement and part of Carla agreed herself, she just didn't fancy such a big audience when she was about to relay such private information.
"Yeah, okay." She nodded. "There's not a lot to say really, it's just… Hang on, I had a list."
She glanced around, as though it would appear out of nowhere. She couldn't remember what she'd done with it. Michelle plucked the folded sheet of paper that had slid slightly between the chair cushion and handed it to her.
"Right. Right so…" She glanced at the sheet and swallowed. It had seemed so much easier earlier that morning, when she'd gone through her plan with Jeanette and written the words on the paper, ready to say them. Carla almost wished she'd done this part first. "I'll need you to get me somewhere quiet." She started, glancing at the first step. "Somewhere to calm down, because crowds and noises will just make me feel worse."
Michelle rubbed her hand over her shoulder gently.
"And try to do it without…Grabbing me…Unless I'm in danger or I can't hear…"
She glanced down at the sheet again, but found she didn't want to say the rest after all.
"Do you want some help?" Michelle asked her gently. Carla pressed the sheet into her hands and watched her skim over the contents.
"Okay, so just talk to her calmly. Make sure she knows you're there." Michelle's hand stroked over her hair absentmindedly as she spoke. "Don't leave her. Make sure she's not around anything that's…Sharp. Or high. Or hot…Basically anything that might…Might harm her."
Carla closed her eyes for a moment. Michelle had said it the best she could.
"It should be enough to keep her safe until it passes. But if things are really bad then we can always contact the crisis team." Michelle finished, folding the piece of paper back up. It was all they needed to know, it was all any of them could do.
"That's basically it." Carla shrugged, avoiding eye contact with everyone in the room. "And I think we've kept you long enough…"
It was her way of politely dismissing them.
"Well, I'm glad you've told me." Maria was the first to stand up, she'd been on her dinner break too. She walked over to Carla and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I hope it doesn't come to it, but it's better to know what to do." She smiled, before nodding at her and Michelle. "And I'm glad you're happy. We'll have a proper catch up at a better time."
"Yeah, definitely." Michelle said.
Ryan and Ali were next to leave. Ryan was off shift and had mentioned a shopping trip, which Michelle knew would consist of him spending hours and most of his wages on games and trainers, while Ali had to get to the hospital for the rest of his own shift.
"Don't sweat it, you're good together." Ryan assured them, as they made their exit.
"How long have you known?" Johnny asked Kate, who had started to pull her jacket on. She stood up and glanced over at Carla and Michelle, then shrugged.
"Since…"
"Since the collapse." Carla mumbled, causing Johnny to look around in shock.
"That long?"
"We weren't together then, but…"
"But we've had these feelings for a while." Michelle finished for her. "It's not just something we've decided on a whim, Johnny. We're serious about this."
Johnny sighed and then nodded at them. "Okay… I'm glad you're happy. It's just a lot to take in. It's been a mad few months."
"Don't I know it." Carla answered. She watched him go back through to the bar with Jenny, offered a hug to Kate and thanked her for how helpful she'd been and then flopped back down into the chair. She closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh. It hadn't been the worst experience in the world, but she definitely didn't want a repeat performance of the day. And it was only half over.
"Ugh, you've got to go back to the Bistro, haven't you?" She mumbled. She hadn't even opened her eyes. But she felt Michelle slide into her lap. The younger woman kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and then finally lingered against her lips.
"I can probably stretch to another ten minutes."
Carla looked up at her, bringing a hand to rest against her cheek. "Thank you…"
"What did I do?" She laughed, leaning down towards her again. Carla let out a scoff. She couldn't even begin to list it all off. She pulled her back in and kissed her a second time, then a third and Michelle's hands wound themselves into her hair.
"What happens now?" Michelle whispered. She stayed close to her even when they'd broken apart.
"Now?" Carla murmured, stroking her fingertip down the younger woman's cheek. She shrugged.
"The rest of our lives, I guess."
a/n: Thank you for all the support. I had to get them together, but it's not all plain sailing yet…
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