-๑-๑ ஜ ๑- Chapter 13: Smoke -๑ ஜ ๑-๑-
It was morning.
Something usual, returning every single day. But today it was a little different, considering Shizuo was sitting in the flea´s oh so favourite swivel chair.
It was quiet inside the apartment. Izaya was still asleep.
Heh, the blond couldn't help but exhale with a sense of relief.
Considering the man had gotten up at 3am and declared sleep was something that he didn't need it was quite astonishing how deep his slumber now was.
It wasn't like Shizuo had tried to wake him or anything, but glancing towards the kitchen he could still spot the shards of the hot tea pot laughing at him from the floor.
Smoke travelled in the air as the blond took another breather from the soothing nicotine.
He should really stop smoking. His brother also always told him.
To be honest it had been a stupid idea to start with it to begin with, but the soothing effect it had provided back in highschool still gave the exact same kind of assurance.
He wasn't quite sure if he was allowed to smoke inside the apartment, but considering Izaya had said nothing about it the day before he had decided he could deal with Izaya's rants in case he hated it today.
Besides. He was not going to leave the apartment.
Quietly he took another breather before turning to look at the flea´s bedroom door.
The silence should have been comforting. Especially after the past two days.
But it wasn´t.
Not as long as he knew Izaya was still inside that bedroom- going to wake up.
He already wondered, what he would be dealing with today- the mad Izaya? The kind that lashed out at him for no reason?
Or the one that made his guts churn to the point he preferred anything but the second option.
Drawing patterns into the air the smoke collided with the huge window showing the city beneath.
A glass half filled with water was standing on the computer desk, serving as a makeshift ashtray as he hadn't found anything resembling that inside the apartment. The water was dirty and what felt like twenty cigarettes were swimming inside the gross liquid tainted by the tar.
Maybe that's what Izaya was feeling like.
Tainted.
Like that glass.
Reaching out for the object, Shizuo eliminated the last one of his cancer sticks with a hissing sound as he dropped it into the gross liquid.
It was simple.
Izaya wanted to kill the guys- Shizuo was going to do exactly that.
He had no doubts, nor any feelings of regret about what it was that he promised to do. His mind was set, his conscience prepared.
He had never killed a single person in his life before- quite surprising even for himself considering the kinds of things he had done in his life so far and the amounts of fights he had gotten into.
He could count more than ten people just this week that he punched the life out of and sent to hospital.
But yeah.
They all survived somehow, that was a fact.
Shizuo was sure it was more thanks to the intense medical health care they received in hospital, and due to the skilled doctors fixing those ribs and broken bones that they survived.
But that's all it was.
Luck.
Shizuo had been lucky in his life so far. Lucky that no one had assassinated him yet for his open show of vandalism. Lucky that the doctors had never failed to save those who became victims to his uncontrolled anger episodes.
But that didn't change the fact that Shizuo might as well have killed someone with the amount of strength he had.
And he was aware of it.
He knew Shinra and Celty and basically everyone including his brother thought he was just holding back that tiny little bit to avoid actually killing someone.
But to be honest he was not.
Not a single time.
And Izaya knew that.
Shizuo could feel it in his guts. Izaya had always known what he was dealing with.
Always known that his life was dangling on a thin thread.
He just had never cared about it.
And that made it so much easier to just spend all that pent up rage on chasing the flea through the entire city with everything he had.
While exhausting his muscles and rage to the point he started to calm down again and was able to walk back home peacefully.
….
What was going to happen to those chases from now on?
The soft frown, that had decorated his forehead ever since he woke up at 5am to another episode of Izaya screaming inside his sleep, grew deeper.
The raven hadn't woken up again- but to be honest that didn't exactly calm the blond.
He didn't even want to imagine what the flea was going through right now.
Or more like- he couldn't.
He couldn't put himself into Izaya's shoes and that made it only so much more difficult to deal with him.
It was odd.
Really.
He shouldn´t give a flying fuck about the flea, not after telling him to go die and never appear in Ikebukuro again and whatever the hell he had felt like.
Hell it wasn't even like he suddenly became friends with Izaya or something. They had never been nor had any intention of becoming such.
Yet there was this unbreakable connection that tied them ever since high school.
Hand itching for another smoke he flipped out the package- only to notice there was just a single one left.
He had thought about calling Shinra. Maybe ask him what he was supposed to do or how he could actually help. Because Shinra had actually been a friend to Izaya. God knows why the doctor liked him but he did- he should know so much better what the flea needed now or how he could be helped. He could call him, ask maybe.
But just remembering how lost the doctor had been when Izaya left his apartment like nothing had ever happened caused him to refrain from that idea.
No.
Shinra didn't know what to do either.
Actually Shizuo wondered if there was anyone that could tell him what was the best for Izaya right now.
Again he glanced at the clock above the flea´s door.
10am.
Izaya was going to wake up soon- for sure.
After all from what he remembered that flea had always been on and about inside the city from as soon as the sun rose. Even without amazing observation skills it didn't take much for the blond to guess that he was a morning person.
Probably getting up around 6am everyday or some shit like that. He might even be the crazy type of person that only needed 4 hours of sleep or something.
So he should be stepping out any moment now.
…
Shizuo couldn't help but feel his stomach clench uncomfortably at the thought.
Honestly. He felt as though he was a student in school waiting for the teacher to tell them their grades on their last midterm exam.
After nightmares like this Shizuo feared he might as well be in an even worse state than he had been at night.
He hoped he wasn't, he really hoped so from the bottom of his heart. But he had to prepare for the worst.
Maybe Izaya was going to wake up fine, yeah, but maybe he was going to wake up with the thought of just quitting.
Everything.
That nasty thought had been what had caused Shizuo to shoot from his sleep at 5am.
He couldn't get it out of his mind. The words Izaya had said.
"Shizu-chan I don't even like myself at the moment. So don't expect me to treat you any better than I do myself."
Lashing out at the blond, hitting him with those laughably weak fists, screaming at him, accusing him of wanting to rape the raven as well- the list of things the flea had done and accused him of was nearly endless.
If he was acting like this towards the blond who he held no real resentment against then what was going on in his mind regarding himself?
It was unsettling- causing the blond to chain smoke and fold that forehead into frowns that were so hard they gave him a headache.
Was Izaya blaming himself for what happened?
With bitterness he remembered the day they were talking in front of Shinra´s apartment and Izaya came up with the idea of him having pissed off the wrong guys and therefore being the one that caused all this on himself.
He had snapped at the flea.
Of course.
Because it was bullshit. Complete utter bullshit!
The soft creaking of the raven´s armrest caused the blond to snap out of his thoughts.
Seemed he had gripped the material a bit too harsh as it was now slightly bent.
Again he glanced at the clock.
10:15am.
…
Maybe he was already awake?
The thought suddenly crossed his mind.
Maybe he already woke up but just stayed inside his room?
He wouldn't put it beyond the flea to just avoid the watchdog he earned himself inside his apartment.
And yet his feet didn't move to check.
He was frozen, waiting for something to happen.
And so was Izaya.
The ceiling had proved to be pretty boring and clean hours ago, but the raven was still staring at it as though there was something interesting he had to spot yet.
Had he known what Shizuo was worrying about he could have told him hours ago that yes he was awake.
Had been for a while.
Izaya hadn't really looked at the time. It was sometime around when the sun started to rise that he gave up on sleeping.
He wasn't in anguish or anything of that sort however, just really tired.
Somehow he felt a bit numb.
He remembered what had happened at night. Of course he did, he wasn't dement after all. His thoughts had carried him to the question what the brute was even still doing here in the first place and the anger that came with it- to the realization that he actually didn't care.
Or mind.
Yeah mind was the better wording here. Having a monster resting on the other side of the door certainly eased his mind from more troubles than it arose. That beast could kill anyone if he needed to.
Protesting softly the bed squeaked as the man slipped off the silky covers.
Right, kill the guys.
No word had been spoken yet this morning. And that even though Izaya was the type to talk to himself about whatever it was that still had to be done today or maybe even rant about something that was on his mind alone.
But today he was quiet. Quiet in his words, quiet in his movements. It wasn't like he was afraid to make any noise, he just subconsciously avoided making any.
Quietly the raven slipped into the bathroom right next to his bedroom.
It was cold.
The heater in the corner was quickly flicked on and a glance cast towards the mirror where dark shadows beneath his eyes greeted him friendly.
He looked like a walking corpse. Lack of sleep, nightmares and the events of the past few days reflected more than the raven liked, causing a soft frown to appear on his face as he averted his eyes.
Clothes were tugged off.
The unpleasant feeling of pain shot through his legs as the man shredded himself out of the fabric. He spotted them.
The cuts, and bruises.
He knew they were there, scattered all over his body. Hell he felt them all the time of course he knew they were there, had been for a while now-
It was just…- he was actually looking at them for the first time.
He had been too afraid to face what was causing him discomfort.
A soft ringing sound filled his ears as Izaya became heavily aware of the existence of his mirror right next to him. His head felt heavy, as though someone was pushing it down. He gulped hard- it was not exactly a feeling he fancied at the moment- and turned his head.
There he was.
The mirror.
And his reflection.
For a few seconds the raven could just stare.
Not quite sure what to make of it, not quite sure what he was expecting.
The extent of the bruises caused mixed feelings to rise.
There were less than he expected-
But the ones he saw only tripled the disgust he felt.,
A soft hint of nausea started to haunt the man and he turned, deciding he had seen enough he stepped into the shower and turned it on.
Soothingly hot the liquid trailed down his skin and the raven closed his eyes in the midst of what almost felt comforting.
He was okay.
Kind of.
Opening his eyes again a few droplets of water dripped down, almost hitting his eyes and the raven raised his hands to cup his face in a quick wash.
He was okay.
He was alive, he was still sane and ready to kill them, so it was fine.
Hair was washed, soap rinsed off.
He was fine.
And quicker than he had intended the man was out of the shower again pulling on a new set of clothes. Socks, underwear, pants, a shirt- and then he paused.
Just as he had been about to pull the rim of his shirt down his waist he froze in the motion.
His eyes had spotted something he hadn't seen before.
A bruise, huge and in odd shape.
A pattern of five aligned to it and the raven couldn't save his brain from concluding what caused it.
Dizzy.
Suddenly dizziness overwhelmed him.
Dizziness and nausea.
The warmth that had comforted him until mere seconds ago suddenly turned into ice freezing his skin.
As if on autopilot the raven turned around. The door to his bedroom was opened, then the one to the living room.
Shizu-chan.
He knows he was there.
Izaya was standing there, in the door frame of his bedroom, the three stairs leading to his living room in front of him and the blond staring at him from his office chair like a dear caught in headlights.
And yet it wasn't enough.
The dizziness just kept growing, the world spinning and spinning.
Tightening his grip on the small railing the raven realized it just wasn't enough as his world turned upside down and he let himself slump down onto the stairs.
"Izaya?" Far. His name sounded so, so far away. The ringing in his ears almost cancelled it out.
"Can you get me a glass of water or something?" Izaya mumbled quickly, his mouth dry and the nausea hitting hard.
He felt like puking. His hands were sweating.
Faintly he noticed Shizu-chan rattling in the kitchen before returning with his request.
The raven felt a hand on his shoulder.
Another was offering him the water.
Somehow he couldn't bring himself to take it.
Meanwhile the blond was slightly overwhelmed by what was going on.
Tightening his grip on the flea´s shoulder he tried to keep him steady.
His face was pale, his hands were shaking- did he have a nightmare again? Shizuo wasn't panicking, but kinda restless, not sure what to do.
He didn't know what was going on.
And neither did Izaya.
Letting his eyes rest on what was in front of him the raven could only stare at the blond´s pants.
There could be something more interesting but right now just keeping his glance straight at that material he tried to collect himself again and chase away the nausea.
He just couldn't get the picture of those 5 prints out of his head.
It felt like the spot was burning.
Like cutting slowly into his skin.
Like poison seeping into him.
It was then that he noticed a shape underneath those pants.
A cigarette package was sticking out of the pocket.
Open.
Empty.
Izaya was quite sure that thing had been almost full the day before.
Now that he thought of it he started noticing the familiar smell of cigarettes.
His whole apartment was full with the smell. Especially up close.
It took the raven a second to realize the last cigarette was burning and dangling between Shizu-chan´s lips. Usually he would hate the stench, he never allowed customers of any sort to smoke in here either. But right now smelling that certain brand of Shizu-chan´s cigarettes had something really soothing to it.
Slowly but surely he started to feel himself calm down again.
Only now he noticed how fast he had been breathing.
Ah.
That's probably what had caused the dizziness.
The breathing.
Had he gotten hysteric? Maybe.
He could also feel his heart beat at a way faster pace than it was supposed to. Closing his eyes for a moment he shifted, letting his head thud against the inviting shoulder right in front of him.
Calm down.
It was a command to himself as he took a deep and slow breath.
Izaya looked really stressed- more like a corpse than a healthy human being. Even to Shizuo and he thought he had already seen the worst the flea could look like.
Leaning back the raven reached for his own forehead and sighed deeply.
Silence followed.
Shizuo was about to ask what happened but the flea beat him to it.
"You are smoking." A bit flabbergasted by the sudden change in topic the blond blinked, the mentioned cigarette moving slightly, ditching the ash that had piled up the past minute. He wanted to apologize, or maybe put the cancer stick away - what he didn't expect was the flea to snatch it.
Quick and smooth just like he handled those knives the man´s drug was snatched from his lips before finding its way to Izaya instead.
It was an odd sight to see the flea smoking. Something about it just really seemed so out of place. But maybe that was exactly what the flea needed right now, something out of the ordinary. Lighting up the cigarette screamed as Izaya took what looked like a pulmonary pull. Naturally a coughing fit hit the flea next.
"Tastes like shit," he announced, the smoke stinging in his eyes and nose.
And the blond couldn't help but snort.
"Yeah, it does indeed."
to be continued~
C:
YES
this story is being continued xDDD
And no worries, I'm not going to make this one update a year xD I will try to update it just as "regularely" as my other stories xD
That being said I'm a little late for this but… Happy halloween xD
I intended to post this on the 31st but EHHH xDDDDDDD
almost lol
Anyway~!
As mentioned in my other update on "Sinful Desire" and "Survival of the doomed" you will be seeing updates much more often from now on!
What does this mean?
This!
UPDATES from now on - twice a month on every story C:
I will try to update as many of my stories as I can every 15th and last of a month.
So:
31st October, 15th November, 30th November, 15th of December and so on~
For today I only managed to get two updates done, but hey it´s a start xD I really want to kick this off for real now xD
Well then, with that being said, see you around 15th of November~! ;3