Confessions of a Third Wheel

The Hooligans

(Part One)

Merida woke up without Hiccup on her side, at first she thought she imagined the night in her head, she groaned in frustration because her feelings are attacking her at every turn.

But there was a letter near the lampshade; couldn't wake you up, you look peaceful and snoring quite adorably, come down for the first round of Swedish breakfast, princess... -hic

And a doodle of himself with a big animated smile.

She jumps from the bed, already energized and the sweet smell of morning relaxed her senses. The birds were loudly chirping outside, her window was wide open, and she thought Hiccup must've let it be, this was some sort of an alarm. Clever.

She went downstairs and midway, she heard laughter and three unrecognizable voices. They are in the kitchen, Merida unconsciously listened to them talked, her feet wouldn't go back and she couldn't move forward either, afraid she might disturb their conversation.

"So, I've been telling the guys you've been screwing American girls left and right and the look on Astrid's face, man!" The man guffawed as loud as he can.

Hiccup sighs, "Please don't spew false information, Snotlout. How's everyone doing?"

"Same as usual. Old man Mildew grumpy as ever." Said a bubbly voice that held an intelligence in it.

"Still alive, eh?"

"Alive and kicking. Literally, he pinned down stupid right here on his front yard, exclaiming him to be the devil's bastard."

"I would have clobbered him if he wasn't such an old man and I was drunk at that time."

Only Hiccup's laughter was noticeable, "Sure, Snotlout. What are you doing to his property anyway?"

"He wanted to impress Heather by stealing his turnip."

The three voices blended in a tone of sheer masculinity that they vibrated throughout the room. Gobber was nowhere to be seen, so is Toothless. The people inside were him and his friends —childhood friends, that even she didn't know Hiccup could actually laugh like that or carry an outstanding volume of his already deep, sarcastic voice. And still, Merida was glued to her spot outside the kitchen door. She was building up courage to knock and disturb their little conversation to tell Hiccup that she's hungry.

"Uh," Droned an another male voice, "guys, there is a woman among us. Outside."

Merida widened her eyes, how did he know? She haven't look inside nor moved a muscle. She inhaled through her mouth and opened the door. The sight attacked her eyes. They were oddly put together, the four of them; different heights and figures. The two had the same height but the other was massive due to his weight; both had blond hair, the skinny guy had the longest hair out of them, tied in dreadlocks and seeing Hiccup, he was the tallest of them all. The smallest in the group was smirking at her in a way perverted men do.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snoop around and barge in like this."

"Oh, you can always come into my life." The man, the small man, grins at her. He walks to her way, swaying his hips that he thought to be manly, and posed in front of her.

Merida was not amused.

"How are you, mademoiselle?" He suddenly grabs her hand and lightly pecked the top of it.

Hiccup grunted, "Stop it, Snotlout, you're scaring my guest."

"More like revolted." The chubby guy remarked. Him and the other blond man, snickered.

Merida quickly recovered her hand away from him, proceeding to be at Hiccup's side, because quite frankly, his friends are looking at her in a way she can't describe and they're freaking her out. Normally she wouldn't give two shits about anyone else, but she was in Hiccup's hometown, these people mattered to him, and first impressions usually lasts. She can't be —didn't want to be rude, or be herself for that matter.

Because Merida is known for beating guys at sports and punching them if physical contact ensues.

Noticing her discomfort, Hiccup laid a hand on her shoulder, as if to say it's okay. "This is Merida and she'll be staying with me for the whole duration of my stay here. And these home wreckers are my friends; Snotlout, my cousin." He pointed at the man who's shorter than the men presented here, almost as the same height as hers. They look nothing alike, Hiccup was tall and lean, and the guy is all muscle and pride.

"Finnegan, the genius." The chubby man waved at her.

"Tuffnut, who has a crazy good olfactory sense." The dreadlocks man bared his teeth at her in a manner that Merida could only think of as his own welcoming gesture.

"Hiccup told me all about you."

"Good things, I hope." The annoying man, Snotlout, grinned at her.

Nope, he said you wet your bed until at the age of nineteen, however, Merida didn't say that. She only smiled at him.

The five of them proceeded to the living room, Gobber had come back to the house with Toothless from a walk moments ago, greeting everyone with his laughter, except Snotlout, whom he hit at the back of his head and called him stupid because of last week's shameful interaction with Mildew, almost dragging down Stoick's name and reputation.

Hiccup made a hearty breakfast for them, Merida was really thankful for that. Swedish breakfast is the best. America can lick its sorry ego.

"Sorry for their intrusion at such an early hour, Mer. They have forgotten the wickedness of city life and its prolonged hibernation, village folks doesn't know of exerting workloads."

"Dearest cousin, if the teachings of our fathers have faded inside of your weakening body, I am here to inform you that real men wake up at dawn. And city boys are creatures of the mud."

"It's because I don't sleep inside my car all day near at Olga's brewery, passed out from eating too many donuts while on duty." Hiccup quipped. Oh, so this was the police officer of a cousin he told her about.

"What can I say? I unburdened this land of any criminals." Snotlout flexed his biceps.

"From the constant donut eating, I think the only criminal is you." Fishlegs remarked, and the gang looks at him, really looks at him. The silence lingered for a moment.

Then they all burst out laughing.

"I'm not going to listen to all of you, haters, so anyway," Snotlout got out his cellphone, signaling everyone he's going outside.

"Why don't you head home already?" Hiccup shouted at him, Snotlout replied by giving him the finger.

Merida remembered opening her (new) phone last night, and was shocked to see there was s signal for calling and texting. "Hic, I noticed this place has a signal but I didn't see any line or satellite towers."

"Oh, that's because we have a chip here and the satellite we're using are already in inside that. Exported from San Fransokyo."

"Really? That's awesome!"

Tuffnut straightened his posture. "Yeah, the first village to ever receive it, that's why Hiccup's father is the best leader."

Merida can actually feel how they're proud of his dad, Hiccup included, and yet there was a momentarily gloom from him, like he knew they want him to step into his place and do just great things for everybody.

It was all broken, the growing tension, when Snotlout went back into the living room, smirking and walking like he owned the place.

"Who did you call?" Hiccup asked. He wasn't liking the way his cousin was flirting with Merida, even when she repeatedly asked him to stop, though that made him smile.

"Now, since Hiccup's finally home, I've called the Hooligans for a camping tomorrow, you included." Hiccup's cousin winked at her, the two are really different from one another. "They said yes, all of them."

"Isn't tomorrow a bit too early?" Hiccup scratches the back of his head, "We just got here."

"Pfft, pussy." Snotlout punched his arm, "Last year, you trekked Doom mountain the moment you set foot here. What happened to you?"

Goddamn it, Merida glanced at Hiccup, of course he's considering her, even if she's totally fine, he'll put her needs first. "I'd love to!" Merida said, hoping her excitement would persuade him. Yes, she can still feel the haziness of the plane ride. But she can't let him bar his own happiness here, Hiccup was really looking forward to visit his hometown, not just to idle, but too see his friends and experience what he missed out on.

Hiccup looks at her, a frown was on his face, and she looks at him, too; her eyes pleading and the way she pursed her lips should be illegal.

"Okay." He replied, at last.

The men cheered them on, and the rest of the afternoon was spent by drinking Heineken and Hiccup's male friends telling her stories of their village adventures. How he was a loner from the start, and was a known nerd, bullied by his own cousin but later in their teenage years, all misgivings were forgiven and a bond grew stronger each day. Until Hiccup had to leave the village he loved to pursue his dreams abroad. She listened, absorbing new information about him, rather focused to their retelling of his story, because to her, she only knew a quarter of Hiccup's personality. She wanted to know the man behind that mask of posture and sarcastic humor.

For the most part, Hiccup was silent through it all, a smile on his face and stealing glances at Merida.

"Wait until you meet Astrid!"

Merida tried to remember the name, she knew he mentioned her multiple times. "Who's that?"

"Hiccup's girlfriend."

(BONUS)

One week earlier prior to the vacation...

Hiccup was sitting on a bench, an hour has already passed.

"Hello!" Rapunzel's smiling face smacked his peripheral vision, accompanied with Anna and Elsa.

"What took you so long?" Hiccup sighed, he shouldn't have questioned her, he already know the answer, girls sure like to take their time as leisurely as possible.

Merida isn't like that though, she's the punctual one amongst all of them, most times she's the first one to be at any meeting place.

"We're going shopping, aren't we? We must look presentable." Anna twirled around.

Hiccup made a dissatisfied noise.

"You wouldn't understand because boys always choose that one hoodie forever."

Sheesh, he can't argue with her, especially not Anna, he needed them right now.

"Okay, well then, thank you for coming on such short notice."

He called the three friends over for a talk concerning about Merida. Ever since that day when they had ambushed her, Hiccup mulled over the things he wants to share with them. After all, they're her best friends, it would be unfair to them for keeping them in the dark.

"Is she okay?" Elsa asked.

"More than okay."

"No funny business, Haddock." Anna squinted his eyes at him.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Anna was aghast, "what? Are you saying you're not a bit interested in that red apricot?"

"What?"

"Forget it Anna, he's clueless." Elsa laid a hand on her sister's shoulder, a look of sympathy written all over her face.

"And stupid." Rapunzel also quipped.

Yep, the four of them are best friends, no doubt about it.

They went into every cellphone store and Rapunzel— being the self-proclaimed tech person that she is, bossing around every personal assistant for the greatest phone, also demanding the specs and every little details so that Merida can have the most reliable and top notch quality phone.

After gruelling hours, she finally made the choice and Hiccup bought it without any complaints, he was really tired of arguing with them at this point. He just wanted to be back home with Merida and lay on the bed, away from these screeching banshees. He thanked them afterwards, and they said something along the lines of; "We're now a hundred percent approve of you."

And the night before their departure, Hiccup gave Merida the phone, and she was surprised and mad at him at the same time. She punched him hard on the arm before thanking him profusely.

She also cursed at him, plenty of times, while dancing around with her new phone, and saying she doesn't need such item and he's an idiot for purchasing it.

Girls...are something else, they're really weird at accepting gifts.

But it made her happy, and that's fine by him.

"So, how did it go?" Anna probably got his phone number from Kristoff. Great.

"Anna, for god's sake it's 3:16 am."

"Details, please."

Hiccup sighed, "I went home and I gave it to her."

"What? Just like that?"

"Yes."

"You didn't wrapped it up in a cute silk paper and ribbons and hide it on her bed or somewhere special?"

"Why would I do that? She'll rip them off anyway."

"You didn't gave her flowers too, or any additional gifts?"

"It's not her birthday and she was already happy with the phone."

"You just went home and gave it to her?"

"That's what I said earlier."

There came silence, Hiccup asked if she was still on the line, and before he hang up, Anna's sounding exhalation was heard. "Hiccup Haddock, you are really stupid." Then she hung up.

Hiccup was left agape, he shook his head, returned to his sleeping position. And thought to himself that girls are really weird, absolutely.