Choices

"Why are you apologizing?" I walked into his arms and hugged him tightly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm sorry to subject you to all of this. You don't deserve it."

"Edward" I looked up at him and brushed the small tear away from his cheek. "I love you. If having to put up with your grandfather is something that I have to deal with just to be with you, then it's worth it."

"But Bells."

"I mean it, Edward Cullen." I pressed, and kissed him on the lips.

He chuckled and sucked in a breath.

"What is it?"

"Lindsay. Now's not the time." Edward spoke, looking over my shoulder.

"Edward. I just..."

When I turned around, Lindsay stopped whatever it was that she was about to say. She didn't bother to look at me.

"Your dad is looking for you."

"I can talk to him later. Bells and I are leaving."

"I think it's important. You should go and see what he wants." Lindsay pressed, and I felt Edward pull me closer to him.

Lindsay didn't seem to budge, so I quickly interjected. "Go, Edward. I'll be fine."

"Bells, I can call my dad later."

"No, Edward. He's probably worried about you. Please, just go talk to him. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl."

"Bells…"

"Edward, go." I told him, firmly.

He finally gave in, and kissed my hand. "Okay, but don't go anywhere. I'll be right back."

"I won't."

When Edward left, my hand felt bare. I looked over at Lindsay, who was staring at me with a confused expression on her face.

"So, how long have you and Edward been together?" She asked, suspiciously.

Her gaze made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, but I tried my best to hide it. "Oh, umm...not very long."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." I said, slowly.

"You two seem pretty close."

"Oh, well we've sort of known each other since we were kids. But, we just reconnected recently."

"Oh, so I take it that Edward never mentioned anything about his family to you back then?"

"What do you mean?"

"You looked pretty shocked to hear about our engagement." She said, taking out a small pouch from her bag. "Didn't Edward ever talk to you about his responsibilities to his family?" She asked, now applying some sort of powder to her face.

"Huh?"

"So, he didn't tell you?" She smirked, snapping the small container shut and placing it back in her bag.

"We haven't actually had a chance to talk about it yet."

"That sounds a lot like Edward. Always trying to spare the feelings of people he cares about."

"I don't understand." I responded, although it sounded more like a question.

Lindsay let out an exasperated sigh, as if she was annoyed and slightly pleased with my lack of knowledge about Edward's family life.

"Edward always knew that this was coming. In fact, my dad has been talking to me about it since I graduated highschool. I always knew that someway or another, Edward and I would be together. It's what's expected of us."

"But...Edward doesn't want that."

"It doesn't really matter what he wants, does it? Edward is bound to take his grandfather's place on the board of Cullen University. He has many obligations, as do I. Do I like having all of that pressure thrown on me? Of course not. But, I do what I have to do because it's expected of me." She said, looking directly at me this time. "Look, Bella, isn't it?"

I nodded.

"I can see that you have strong feelings for Edward, and I get it. He's amazing. I'm not going to pretend that I objected to the arranged marriage thing. As soon as I heard it was Edward, I was on board. He's always been so kind and thoughtful, even back when we were kids. I'm sorry that you had to find out about everything this way. Truly. My family and I had no idea that Edward was dating. But, I'm pretty sure that William Cullen will get what he wants. He always does."

"I don't think Edward will agree to any of it." I finally got out.

Lindsay smiled. "I think he will."

"You don't know Edward like I do."

"You mean the Edward who failed to tell you about his responsibilities? I get that you want to believe the best but have you ever asked yourself why Edward never told you? Don't you think it's because he knew what the end result would be? Besides, do you want to be the person to pull Edward away from his family? From his duty to his family?"

"I don't...that was never my intention."

"I know that Bella. None of this is your fault. I just think that if you love Edward, you should want to do what is best for him and his family. Even if that means you have to let him go." She said, looking over my shoulder. "I think my mom is looking for me, but I hope you think about what I said. It was nice to meet you again, Bella." She smiled and flipped her dark hair over her shoulder, as if she did not crush my spirit with her words.

Am I standing in Edward's way?

Will Edward give up his responsibilities to his family because of me?

I thought frantically, trying but failing to piece my thoughts together.

"Bella! There you are. Edward told me to check on you. Are you okay?"

No. I thought to myself but smiled, "Yes, Alice. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. That was intense in there, huh?" I told her, trying to change the subject.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that Bella. My grandfather can be terrible sometimes. I'm glad Edward stood up to him."

"What will happen now?" I asked her quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"If Edward doesn't agree to marry Lindsay, what does that mean?"

Alice sighed. "Not much will change. My grandfather will continue on in his post until he finds someone to replace him."

"But, isn't it a tradition in your family that a Cullen has to take the post?"

"Yeah, but traditions change. My dad doesn't want it, nor does Edward apparently. I definitely don't, so they'll just have to find someone else."

"Doesn't that bother you?"

Alice looked at me this time. "Why would that bother me, Bella?"

"Because generations of traditions are being ruined because of me."

"Bella! This has nothing to do with you. I don't think Edward would have agreed to the engagement even if you weren't with him."

"Alice." I spoke, measuring my words carefully. "Does Edward want to take over for his grandfather when he graduates?"

Alice stood quietly.

"Alice. Does he?"

She sighed. "I mean, he talked about it a lot. He had a lot of new ideas for the university. Like creating new scholarships and stuff like that. But, Bella, he would choose you over that anyday."

"I know." I told her quietly.

"Good" she smiled. "So, there's nothing to worry about.

But there is, I thought to myself. The last thing I want is for Edward to give up on his dreams because of me. I would never be able to live with myself.

"I think dad is trying to smooth things over in there, that's why Edward's taking so long to come back. Let's go and wait in the kitchen. I don't think anyone's in there. Besides" she smiled. "I'm still hungry. That breakfast sandwich did nothing for me this morning."

Relief coursed through my veins when we reached the kitchen without bumping into William Cullen or any member of the Blake family.

I jumped when Alice spoke. "Jasper! This is where you were the whole time!?"

I couldn't help but laugh when we noticed Jasper sitting at the huge kitchen island eating a sandwich.

He smiled sheepishly. "I was hungry. You want a piece?" He held up the sandwich to Alice, who took a large bite and smacked him on the shoulder.

"You're lucky this tastes so good."

"I try." He said before taking another bite. When he looked over at me, his eyes held sympathy. "I'm sorry about what happened earlier, Bella. You didn't deserve that."

"Thanks Jasper. I'm okay."

He smiled again before polishing off his sandwich.

"Bella, do you want a sandwich?" Alice asked from the fridge. She was pulling out condiments.

"Yeah. I'm starving. Can you make one for Edward too?"

She smirked. "Fine."

I gave her a small smile.

Alice was in the middle of telling Jasper and I about some theory she learned about in her Lietrature class when she was interrupted.

"What's this in here?" I heard Edward's voice, and looked over my shoulder. He looked much more relaxed than he did before and I smiled at him.

Alice laughed. "Well, grandfather ruined everything so we never actually got to eat. We're fixing that problem as we speak. Don't worry" she teased, "Bella made sure we fixed you something too."

He shot me my favorite cooked smile. "She takes such good care of me" He said, and kissed me on my cheek.

"She's too good for you." Jasper chimed in and we all laughed.

"I'm well aware of that," Edward said, smiling at me again. It didn't seem to meet his eyes.

"You okay?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said, squeezing my hand.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine, Bells. Really." He said again. I couldn't help but feel that there was something he wasn't telling me.

"Alright! Bon appetit." Alice called out after she fixed the sandwiches. "I don't know about you guys but I'd much prefer to eat these on the road. I don't want a repeat of earlier."

"I'm with my girlfriend on this one" Jasper said in between bites of his second sandwich.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You ready Bells?"

"Yeah, let's go."

The ride back to campus was loud and hilarious. Alice and Jasper kept arguing over the radio station and Edward thought that it was the funniest thing ever. I smiled whenever he laughed and snuggled closer next to him in the back seat. I loved him so much, but there was a part of me that felt guilty. Like I was a hindrance to him in some way. I know that it had a lot to do with what Lindsay told me, but as much as I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't. I needed to talk to Edward about how I felt. I needed to know how being with me would affect his life.

"Hey? Can we talk for a little bit?" I asked him when we finally arrived on campus. Alice and Jasper had already made plans to meet up with Rosalie and Emmett. I'm sure they would give them the full scoop of what happened with Edward's grandfather and me.

Edward looked surprised, but smiled. "Yeah, want to go to our bench?"

"Perfect." I told him before he took my hand and kissed it.

When we got to the bench and sat down, he placed an arm around me and kissed my temple.

"So? What's on your mind?" He asked, looking down at me.

"Edward" I measured my words carefully, "What are your dreams?"

My question seemed to take him by surprise, but he smiled. "I have a lot of them."

"I want to know."

"Well, for one, I dream of being with you forever."

I flushed. "I mean career wise Edward" I told him, but I couldn't hide my smile.

He looked at me again, as if he was trying to figure out my thoughts, but answered anyway. "I want to make a difference here." He said, looking out at the campus. "I always felt like there was more my family could do to cater to the needs of students who couldn't afford to come here. Do you know how many brilliant students get accepted here but can't enroll because of how high the tuition is?" He asked, looked down at me again.

"Well, sort of." I told him quietly. "I was lucky enough to get enough funding to come here."

He gave me a small smile. "So you understand why reform is necessary."

"Yeah, it really is." I assured him. "But...but how will you make those sort of changes if you refuse to be your grandfather's successor?"

Edward looked down at me again, his hazel eyes poured into mine. They held a mixture of frustration and tenderness. "Where there's a will, there's a way, Bells."

"Your grandfather seems pretty stubborn."

"Yeah he is." Edward let out a breath this time. "But, I'm done with him controlling my life."

"Yeah, but…"

"Bells, where is all of this coming from?"

"I don't want you to give up on your dreams because of me Edward. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you did."

"Bells, I'm not giving up on my dreams. Do you know how much I've gained since I've found you again? This is the happiest I've been in a long time."

"Edward." I told him, trying but failing to hold back tears. "I want you to really think about what you're doing."

He let go of my hands and stood up. I could tell that he was frustrated because he kept running his hands through his hair. "Bells, what are you doing?"

"I'm asking you to think about the decision that you're about to make."

"I've thought about it already and I chose you."

"At what cost?"

"What cost?!"

"Yes."

"Bells, I'd rather have you than a chair on the board anyway."

"Edward, that's what you're saying now. But, what if you change your mind? What if, one day, you wake up and realize that you've given up on your own dreams because of me. We're still so young. You can't just make a decision like that. I don't want to become someone that you resent Edward. I couldn't bear that." The tears were flowing now.

"Bells, that won't happen."

"You don't know that."

"Bells.." He said, looking at me now. His eyes were pleading with mine.

"Edward, I do love you. I just want you to think about what you really want and what you're willing to give up. Please." I stood up and took his hands in mine. My entire body felt like it was trembling.

"Bells, why are you doing this?" He asked again, his own eyes glistening now with unshed tears.

"Because I love you."

"So what does this mean now? Are you leaving me?" He pleaded again. "Please, don't give up on us Bells. I love you."

"I'm not. I just think we need some time apart. I want to give you space to think about everything."

"I don't want any space, Bells."

"Edward, please."

"Bells..."

"Please?" I pleaded again.

"How long?"

"Huh?" I asked, and he wiped the tears from my cheek with his hands.

"How long do you want us to do this?"

"Until after Christmas break."

"What?!"

"I know." I told him quietly. "This is as hard for me as it is for you, Edward."

He sighed but squeezed my hands. "I know. And I'm only doing this because I love you. I can't pretend to understand how you feel about all of this, so I'll do what you ask."

"Thank you, Edward."

He took my face in his hands and kissed my eyelids, my cheeks, my nose and my lips. "I love you Bells."

"I love you, too." I told him, kissing him on the lips. "Please, think about what you want. Otherwise, this time apart will be pointless."

"I will, Bells. I promise."

"Good."

He kissed me again. "I guess this is goodbye, for now?"

"Yeah." I told him, holding back a sob. I bit the inside of my cheek.

I sat back down on the bench when he walked away, tears blinding my eyes and wetting my sweater.

Did I make a mistake? I thought to myself. I couldn't get Edward's pleading eyes out of my head.

No, this was the right thing to do. I reasoned.

I needed Edward to think about what he wanted. His grandfather may be cruel, but he could offer Edward the opportunity that he always dreamed of. I don't want to take that away from him.

As much as my heart hurt, I knew that I did the right thing.

Or, at least, I hoped I did.

I missed Edward, desperately. So much that my heart hurt. I half-expected to wake up from a Goodmorning text from him, as always, but the only message was from my mom, giivng me an update on things at home. I was grateful that the baby was doing well, but I felt miserable. I had to talk myself out of running to Edward's dorm room about ten times when I woke up.

"Bella! Long time no see!" Jacob laughed when he sat next to me in class on Monday.

"Whoa! You look like a car ran you over."

"Thanks," I said, dryly.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You just look...not like yourself. Everything okay?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, but a tear still spilled out. I sighed. "Not really."

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"Edward and I.."

"You broke up?!" Jacob said a little too loudly. A few students looked over at us.

"No, no. We just took a little break."

"But why? You two are crazy about each other. It's pretty annoying." He chuckled.

"I'll explain after class. I promise." I quickly told him when the professor walked in the room.

"So? What happened?" Jacob sat across from me in the Cafe' and I prayed that Edward didn't show up. I had his class schedule memorized, so he should be in his Accounting class right now. That still didn't stop me from looking over at the door every time someone came in.

I took a deep breath, and told Jacob everything that took place, from meeting Edward's grandfather and the Blake family, to Edward's grandfather humiliating me at the almost-brunch, to me asking Edward for a break. He listened intently, his eyes filled with sympathy.

"Wow, Bella. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"I'm fine." Barely, I thought to myself.

"Then, why are you crying?" He asked, passing me a tissue from the table.

"Because I miss Edward." I said, wiping my face. "But, I need to give him some space to think. Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

Jacob seemed to process what I just said and finally spoke after a few moments. "Honestly, no. I think I would have done the same thing."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. It's different when you're on the outside looking in. You did what you did because you love Edward. If it was me and Nessie, I would have done the same thing. Her face lights up when she talks about what she's passionate about. The thought of playing a part in taking that from her would kill me."

I sighed in relief. At least Jacob understood.

"I'm so happy you understand. Alice was pretty upset, but she seemed to settle down after a while. I couldn't get her to understand why I did it, no matter how much I explained."

"Because she knows how much you and Edward love each other. I don't think she's looking at it the way you are."

"Yeah" I said quietly.

"Edward's grandpa seems like a jerk face by the way."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped. "Yeah, he's pretty terrible."

"It's gonna work out, Bella."

"I hope so."

"Have some faith. Fate brought you and Edward together and it will keep you together. I believe that."

"Yeah." I'm trying to believe it too, I thought to myself.