14. Hunting for Sanctuary

"Evicted? What do you mean, you've been evicted?"

My hair had grown out quite nicely during my stay at Eientei… and at this moment I was on the verge of ripping out entire chunks in my rage. "Those petty mountain gods can't have other attractive women drawing attention away from them."

"What? I can't believe that!" Kaguya said. "I knew those goddesses were a little insane, but that's just wrong!"

My next cry was interrupted by sudden, erratic beeping. I pulled out my phone and brought it to my ear. "I swear to God, if this is Yukari calling to rub things in, I'm going to murder her… WHAT?"

As it turned out, it wasn't Yukari. "Who is this? Where's Luke?"

I blinked, my anger becoming surprise. "Patchouli?"

"Yes… again, who is this?"

I explained everything to Patchouli in a New York minute. "My god, your life sucks… Though it IS nice that you know Japanese now."

"'Sucks' is a god-tier understatement at this point. Anyway, why are you calling?"

"Our agreement, remember? In exchange for ores, I crafted weapons for you. I was calling to tell you I've drawn up the blueprints. If you want, you can return to the Scarlet Devil Mansion to appraise them."

"Oh, yeah. But, why call me now? I thought you would call when you actually forged the weapons."

"The flower youkai's intrusion led to some setbacks, as you might suspect. I've had to divide my attention between rebuilding Voile, my own research, and this little project." A cough on the other side of the line. "Well? Would you like to see what I'm crafting before I start work?"

"Sure. I'll try to stop by when I can. See you then." I hung up.

"So… out of the frying pan?" Kaguya asked.

"And into the fire." I agreed. "I need some time to work things out."

Kaguya shifted in her seat. "Well, you told that girl you'd stop by, right?" I nodded. "Well, perhaps you can search for somebody else to take you in while you're out there."

"How do we know somebody will be willing to accept me?"

"There's only one way to find out, isn't there?"

"…Point taken." I sighed. "…Do you know how to use Eirin's teleport grid?"

Kaguya thought for a moment. "I'm sure she has some navigation charts somewhere. You want to go straight to Patchouli?"

I nodded. "It wouldn't hurt to ask, would it?"

"Of course not. It saves me the trouble of contacting Mokou to escort you out of the bamboo forest. It can be incredibly difficult to navigate the forest, and that's without considering the sheer volume of Tewi's traps lying around, waiting to be tripped."

"Alright. Lead the way." We stood up from the kotatsu and walked away.

XXXXX

Weird. I thought Eirin used doors to teleport. Kaguya and I made a quick trip to Eirin's lab, where Kaguya unlocked a door I hadn't noticed before. In the small room beyond, a simple black mat around twenty square feet in size served as the pedestal for a simple terminal.

"Okay, let's see if I still remember the code…" Kaguya walked to the terminal and started punching in various keys. "The charts should be over to your left. Go ahead and find your target; it's going to take me a little while to—" An extremely loud buzz drowned out Kaguya's last word. "...scratch that, a long while."

Grunting in amusement, I stepped over to the table to the side, where a handful of rolled-up charts awaited me. Quite a selection here. Japan, the U.S…. damn, she has a chart for the Lunar Capital! Finally, I found a roll labeled Gensokyo.

I picked it up and flattened the chart out on the table, tuning out Kaguya's infuriated cries. It was more complex than I was expecting: it was designed like a mathematical coordinate grid, with Eientei at point zero; the x-axis counted up into the hundreds, the y-axis used letters instead of numbers, there was even an indication of a Z-axis on the chart…

…other than that, the chart was blank. "Er, a little help here?" I asked.

"There's a button on the underside of the table. Hit it." Kaguya didn't even turn away from the terminal. I did as she said, and a beam of light passed over the chart. After a few seconds, it constructed a three-dimensional model of Gensokyo. "Now you can zoom in and out wherever you want, and pick out exactly where you want to be teleported."

"…Wow, this is complicated." I spotted a handful of familiar-looking landmarks, but just to be sure I pulled out the map Reimu gave me. I stuck my hands into the model and spread my fingers, and the chart expanded and focused on location of my hands. Removing one hand, I dragged the other through the hologram, and the map was dragged to follow. "Nice…"

After a few minutes of fiddling with the hologram, a light beep sounded behind me. "FUCKING FINALLY!" Kaguya cried triumphantly. She turned around to face me. "Okay, you found your target?"

"I've narrowed it down to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Now, it's time to get technical." If I landed inside the mansion grounds, I could be pegged as an intruder by Meiling or Sakuya. I could jump straight into the mansion itself to excuse myself to Remilia, but Remi was more than likely to act reflexively and kill me on the spot. I had an inkling of Voile's location in the mansion, but it was housed in a magic-based Dyson Bubble, so there were a slew of things that could go wrong with that.

"Apparently, the safest option for me is to simply appear outside the gate," I admitted.

"Good enough. Call out the coordinates for me, please."

I poked at the space just in front of the SDM's gate, and a box popped up. "X negative 173, Y positive F6, Z negative two," I read.

A few seconds later, and the terminal glowed a light green. "Okay, the teleport grid has confirmed the coordinates to be safe." Kaguya stepped away. "Just step onto the black mat and hit the big button. You'll experience some light-headedness in the transition, but that'll subside shortly after."

"Well… I guess I'll be seeing you around. It's been fun. I'll miss this place…" My voice drifted off.

A hand came to rest on my shoulder. "Remember, Lucy," Kaguya said. "You've always got friends here. Don't hesitate to come to us for help if you need it."

"I'll keep it in mind. Thanks for everything." I turned to the terminal and hit the button. A flash of light enveloped me, and I was gone.

XXXXX

As the light faded, I dropped an inch from the air and stumbled on the ground. My ears were ringing, and I was seeing spots, but I could see the gate of the Scarlet Devil mansion just ahead.

Then it hit me: I was absolutely freezing.

Every inch of my skin burned as the winter air bit into it, piercing the thin fabric of my clothing. As soon as it appeared, though, the burning was gone, replaced by bone-chilling numbness. Shivering violently, I dropped to the ground and rolled into a ball, turning my back to the sun in a vain attempt to gain warmth from the sunlight.

I didn't understand. I'd lived for years in the northern regions of the U.S., building a natural resistance to cold. I could function for hours on end in mid-to-low 50s with little more than a shirt and jeans, like what I was wearing now. It couldn't be much lower than that at the moment, yet it felt like I was buried in snow completely naked.

Cold… so damn cold… was all I could think before blacking out.

XXXXX

You know how people can sometimes sleep through Armageddon without so much as a twitch, yet fly wide awake at the sound of a pin dropping? Hong Meiling is one of those people.

The lightest rustle reaching her ears, the gate guard stirred. Meiling willed her eyes open to examine her surroundings for whatever had woken her up. Oh, it's a girl. Looks like she's suffering from hyper… hypo… hi… er, she's freezing. Two seconds later, the logical part of Meiling's mind kicked in. A girl! Freezing!

In her haste, Meiling pushed herself off the wall with such force that she landed on her face. She quickly got back up and rushed to the girl's side. Her breathing was shallow, and her blue-tinged skin was cold to the touch. Meiling picked up the shivering ball of flesh and held her close, letting her higher body temperature warm the girl up slightly.

"Meiling, what's happening? I felt a shift in the air when you moved…" Sakuya stopped when she spotted the girl in Meiling's arms. "You. Girl. Explain. Now."

"I don't know. I just woke up, and she was on the ground in front of me." Meiling pulled the girl closer. "She's unconscious, and in desperate need of warmth."

The girl started to slip from Meiling's grasp. As she shifted to reaffirm her grip, something fell from the girl's pocket. Sakuya recognized the trinket immediately, snatching it up from the ground. "Hey, what's that?" Meiling asked.

Sakuya was silent for a moment. "Something beyond your pay grade," She finally answered. "Take the girl to Patchouli. Immediately."

As the guard rushed off into the mansion, Sakuya glanced down at the Hakkero in her hand. A brief click of her stopwatch, and the device returned to the girl's pocket. She didn't know who this girl was, but she could make a pretty good guess. Question was, if she was correct… what the hell had happened to the boy?

XXXXX

The first thing I noticed upon waking up was the lightly-sweet aroma of tea in the air. Opening my eyes, I found myself on a couch in the middle of Voile. In front of me, a magical fire floated in the air, warm on my skin. Shifting around, I discovered I'd been wrapped in a soft, red-velvet blanket. Off to the left, I finally spotted Patchouli standing, watching over me, holding a steaming cup of tea. That must have be what I'm smelling…

"Hello…" I greeted Patchouli weakly.

"You do know it's winter, right?" Patchouli sat on a chair beside me. "It's not wise to be walking around with clothes like that." She held the cup of tea up to me.

"N-n-not like I ha-had much of a ch-choice…" I stammered. "These are th-the only clothes I have." I weakly pushed the steaming mug out of my face. "No, no tea."

Patchouli shoved the mug into my face again. "Yes, tea. You need to warm yourself up again. I don't understand how, but your body temp dropped roughly four degrees Celsius. That's beyond the trigger for hypothermia, and the cold outside isn't that severe, maybe twelve degrees." I stared blankly at the sorceress. "53.6 Fahrenheit. Your core temp fell from 98.6 to around 91.4. Seriously, you don't use metric?"

I reluctantly accepted the tea, freeing my hands from the blanket to hold the mug, and sipped it. It tasted fairly sweet with just a little bit of kick, and I immediately started feeling better. When I spoke again the stuttering was gone. "I'm from the United States. We still use the Imperial measurement system. The Metric system's there, yes, but grams and meters take a backseat to ounces and inches."

"Well, the fact of the matter is that your body got cold unnaturally fast." Patchouli summarized. "You're lucky Meiling woke up and found you."

"I don't get it. I've lived with the cold all my life…" I said. "Why would that change now?"

"You also lived as a boy all your life. Just because you're used to cold doesn't mean your new body is, and you don't really have any fat to insulate you anyway…" She glanced at my chest. "…at least, not in places where it can be of use. After spending so long in a warm, humid forest, your body must have gone into shock from the cold, dry air and stopped telling itself to regulate temperature."

"…Huh. I guess that makes sense." I wiggled my arms out of the blanket wrapped around me and brought out my phone. "Mind if I have a minute to myself?" Patchouli nodded, and I hit the dial.

After two rings, Eirin picked up. "Yes?"

"It's Lucy. I took one step out of Eientei and my body went into shock from the cold."

"Is that so?" Eirin's voice carried a bored tone.

"I just want to know, are you more comfortable when you're warm, or when you're cold."

"Oh. THAT's what you're calling about. Yeah… problem is, we Lunarians can't handle rapid changes in temperature. I mean, our early society sat in the few pockets of our tidally-locked moon that were always in shadows. Leaving those pockets without an environmental suit would boil us from the inside, so we stayed. Over time, most of us became averse to high/low temperatures in general."

"So, you're telling me your people were too cowardly to step out of the shadows?"

"No. Some of us eventually adapted enough to get out into the open and make the entire moon surface habitable full-time, but then, I'm from the original generation, so no adaptation for me. My genes may be outdated in that regard, but they're still far better than a normal human's."

"The next time we meet, Yagokoro, you and me are going to have a long, detailed chat on the subject of doctor-patient confidentiality," I swore in English.

"I'm counting on it~" Eirin hung up.

"Well?" Patchouli sat next to me.

"It's genetic. Early Lunarians apparently couldn't handle rapid shifts in climate, and Eirin is very old."

"Ah. Makes sense."

Suddenly, a girl with burgundy hair and two pairs of wings dropped down from the air, carrying an armful of books. Patchouli took one look at the books and grimaced. "I said I wanted the alchemy tomes from J Wing, not K Wing." With a wave of her hand, the girl was pushed back by a gust of wind. "Take those books back. If you mess up again, you won't be getting dinner this evening, and you'll be working double shifts for the next three days."

"You're so cold, master…" Koakuma whined.

"I don't see 'complaining' in your job description, Koa. Get moving."

I coughed to get Patchouli's attention. "Don't you feel you're treating your underling a little cruelly?"

"It's called establishing dominance," Patchouli argued. "If I don't exert my authority over her on a regular basis, she'll get lazy. Start making mistakes. Perhaps even defy orders."

"Could you at least loosen up? She's not an animal; a demon, maybe, but certainly not an animal." I pulled myself all the way out of the blanket and stretched out, checking to make sure I still had feeling in my extremities… okay, no permanent damage. Thank god for that. "That's better. Now… you said something about blueprints in your call?"

…

"A combat shotgun."

"That's what the references said it was called, yes."

"A fully-automatic, hand-loading combat shotgun, with no stock."

"Yes."

"Are you TRYING to get me maimed!?" I cried. "Don't get me wrong, I've always loved me a Benelli M4 Super 90, but this gun's maximum effective range as-is puts me at a stone's throw from an enemy. The closer I get, the less time I'd have to react to a barrage of danmaku."

A few seconds later, I noticed something else. "Wait, there's only one blueprint here. What happened to the sword you'd suggested for close quarters?"

"I was somewhat caught up in the moment when I was evaluating you. After I had some time to clear my head, I realized one very important fact: swords are nigh-useless in Gensokyo. It would take a miracle for you to be able to close the gap to even use the sword, and even then your human reflexes are no match for a youkai. If you're very fast or nimble, like that half-phantom girl from the netherworld, or a tengu, you can get away with it. You, though… you're too slow. It's why I chose a shotgun as your firearm; you have a better chance at hitting something up close."

"Hey, I need to have some sort of bladed weapon. I can't be a respectable Touhou self-insert without one." I felt Yukari's glare burning into the back of my skull, but I ignored it. "Tell you what: I have some experience with sketching and design. Give me some materials and a few hours to concentrate, and I'll find a way to make it work."

"I'll see what I can do," Patchouli stated. "See, this is why I asked you to come; I supply the framework for a tool, and you mold it to your liking. Now, what do you want to do about the shotgun?"

"I say, scrap the M4 entirely. It just doesn't have the range I need."

"Well, what do you suggest?"

I grabbed a nearby gun catalog, scattered among all the reference materials, and flipped through the pages rapidly. Finding my weapon of choice, I dropped the catalog on the table, finger on the gun. "The Remington 870 Modular Combat Shotgun. High stopping power, holds twice the shells of the M4 in its internal magazine, improved range and highly customizable."

Patchouli picked the catalog up and examined it. "But it's pump-action. I chose the M4 because it can keep firing without a rechamber after every shot."

"Firing rate is irrelevant if I deplete my ammunition faster than I can load it. Rate and volume of fire may be important in conventional danmaku, but I prefer to hit harder and further."

"So, it's reliability over constancy?"

I blinked. "I'd argue that those two words are practically synonyms, but being a bookworm you could probably give me twenty counter-arguments."

Patchouli chuckled. "Alright, I admit, a poor choice of words on my part. Versatility over sheer firepower, instead?"

"Better." I smirked.

"M870 it is, then." Patchouli snapped her fingers. "A word of note, though. I don't have a reliable source of plastic or fiberglass, which compose a fair portion of the weapon. I'd say it would weigh about six kilograms, at the least."

My mind persisted for practical solutions. "Kappa? Surely, they're advanced enough to make synthetic building materials."

"I believe they have a workshop set up in the village, but they are incredibly invasive. They will demand to know every little thing about what you are building, and the last thing I want is for them to get any ideas for lethal weaponry."

"…I guess you'd have a fair point."

"That's not the only problem we face regarding the use of plastic. Next to crystal, metal is one of the most effective mediums for conducting magic. I planned to plant crystals into the metal frame of the weapon to enable it to fire magic bolts similar to standard danmaku bullets." I stared at Patchouli, eyebrows raised. "90% of all conflicts in Gensokyo are resolved through danmaku. If you expect to get through all of your fights using lethal force, you're going to make a lot of enemies in very short order. Getting back to the topic at hand, synthetic materials are extremely poor magic conductors, in the rare case that they can even conduct magic at all. If you want to be able to use this weapon to defend yourself, the added weight looks to be a necessary tradeoff."

"…Well, if that's the case, that doesn't seem like much of a roadblock, honestly. Why not just put the crystals in the ammo shells?"

"Well, actually… Wait." Patchouli suddenly blinked. "That… that's brilliant. Why didn't I think of it before!? They can be re-used, allow more charges to be carried at one time… e-excuse me." She grabbed a notepad and flew off, leaving me alone in the middle of Voile.

A couple of minutes passed, and Patchouli still hadn't returned. I took it as an opportunity to do my own thing. I guess I'll make some calls, see if anybody will offer me a safe haven. It's probably a little impersonal, calling like this, but it protects me from harm.

Opening my phone contacts, I checked all the people with ties to each I had the list up, I proceeded to methodically strike off undesirables or dangerous individuals:

Right off the bat, I struck Eientei and the Moriya Shrine off the list. For one group, I was effectively locked out due to my gender; for the other, my presence would actually harm them instead of them potentially harming me.

Alice Margatroid lived rather close to Marisa Kirisame, so she was out of the question. While I had a new identity, there was the risk of somebody (like Patchouli) being pressed into exposing me, leading to Marisa tracking me down and taking revenge for humiliating her. In a similar strain, I removed Rinnosuke Morichika from the list.

Yuyuko was friendly towards me when we met the other day, so she could potentially be a benevolent hostess. However, even ignoring the fact that she lived in the netherworld, there were several problems. One, she isn't just a bubbly ghost girl; she's friends with Yukari. That alone speaks volumes for her true intelligence. Second, she's a hardcore omnivore, and I didn't want to find out if I was on the menu, neither literally nor sexually. Third, she has the power to literally wish me dead. There were simply too many risks.

The Underground city seemed like an attractive choice in theory—a strong, close-knit population of Oni what wasn't extremely high-strung, a benevolent satori, and working power—but in practice, there were two total wildcard variables, Utsuho Reiuji and Koishi Komeji. Utsuho could possibly be friendly, but she's too much of an airhead to be considered safe, with her nuclear powers. Koishi… Koishi was completely unpredictable, incapable of conscious thought, with her brain really only good for retaining memories and keeping her physical form alive.

I was sitting in the SDM at the moment, so I could just ask Remilia in person if need be, but that was an absolute last resort. She's simply too whimsical to be trusted.

This went on until only a handful of people remained who could be safe: Reimu, Keine, and Byakuren Hijiri at the Myouren Temple. First off, I decided to try the most reasonable choice. Nodding to myself, I made the call.

Keine picked up almost immediately. "Lucy."

"Yes, it's… wait, how do you know?"

"Mokou told me. She went to go vent some anger on the Lunarians, and discovered that all of Eientei had been sealed in a magic bubble that was speeding the passage of time in the entire area."

...THAT'S IT! THAT'S how Kaguya did it! Her power makes so much more sense now… and yet, it opens up so many more questions. "I needed time to adjust to my transformation. Kaguya was kind enough to give me that time."

"Yes, Kaguya's always been soft-hearted. If only Mokou could accept her kindness…" A cough on the other end of the line, and Keine continued. "Anyway. Why are you calling?"

"I left Eientei a few hours ago, and circumstances have left me without a place to stay. I'm calling around Gensokyo to see if anybody can take me in."

"I see… well, I'm sorry, but you can't take residence in the village."

I was silent for a moment. "The… village?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Not just me, the entire village. This is nothing personal, I promise you. The problem is, humans fear outsiders. Fear the chaos and misfortune that is sure to follow them wherever they go. They will take one look at you, realize that you're not a native, and perceive you as a threat. The people of the village rely on me to protect them from youkai beyond the village in times of crisis; how can I protect them if they believe you'll destroy their home from within?"

I sighed. "Yes, I understand. You just want the villagers to be safe… Alright, I'm sorry for disturbing you. I'll let you get back to your day."

"Thank you. I wish you luck in the rest of your search, Lucy."

The call ended. I leaned over the table, head propped with my free hand. Of course, I couldn't expect to luck out on my first try; reality just doesn't work that way. I also couldn't blame Keine for turning me away; she was simply acting in her people's best interests.

Eventually, I sat up straight again and checked my phone. "Okay… round two." I hit the contact for the Myouren Temple.

The person who answered the call spoke slowly and with care, giving the impression of somebody who chose their words to be as inoffensive as they could. "This is Byakuren Hijiri. Who may I be speaking to?"

"Hello. My name is Lucy. Yukari Yakumo brought me to Gensokyo from the outside world for reasons only she can fathom, and—"

"Oh, yes! You're an outsider! I've been wanting so badly to meet one of you. Ever since I heard about you from Nazrin, I could barely contain my excitement at the prospect of having a chance to speak with you. But I could have sworn she said the outsider was a boy…"

I really didn't have the patience to go into the whole gender thing at the moment. "…let's just say things got weird, and leave it at that."

"Okay . So, anyway, it's a pleasure to be able to speak with you. Seeing as you sought me out yourself, instead of the other way around, I assume you'd like to ask something of me…?"

"I'm sort of in need of a place to stay. Would you be willing to allow the Myouren Temple to accommodate me?"

Byakuren paused. When she spoke again, she had a downbeat tone. "…Ah. As much as I would love to have you at the Myouren Temple, we have a couple of residents who tend to be… what was the term Yukari used… 'bad apples'? I think so. Anyway, there's a nue we have at the temple who is… distrustful of strangers, to put it mildly. She thinks everybody is out to harm her in one way or another, and it takes a combined effort of all of the other temple residents to keep her in check around visitors."

"A paranoid shapeshifter!? You've got to be kidding me!"

"I'm not kidding." A flat response. "There is also the matter of my disciple. She's a good person at heart, but you cannot depend on her for more than menial tasks. She can quickly lose her train of thought, much like she 'misplaces' the temple's artifacts. Despite this, she tries so hard to lend a helping hand to others…" Another pause, then Byakuren's tone picked up again. "Of course, if you'd be willing to accept these inconveniences, the Myouren Temple welcomes you!"

So… Youkai Jesus would be more than happy to take me in, but Nue and Shou (that's the only person I can think of who fits that scatter-brained definition) would be a major pain in my ass. I need to be able to keep a cool head; I can't do that with people like them around…

"I appreciate your kindness and enthusiasm," I said finally, "But I think I'll search for lodging elsewhere. I'm under a lot of stress right now, and it would not help me in the long run to be harassed by other residents."

"Oh… I see. Very well." Byakuren sounded disappointed. "Well, since you went through the trouble of contacting me, you're free to come to the temple if you ever need to take time off your adventures for some short-term relaxation. Our doors are always open."

"Thank you for your generosity. I'll be sure to stop by if I'm ever in the area…" I checked my small map. It was obviously outdated, as there was no sign of the temple. "Er, where exactly is the Myouren Temple?"

"Oh, that's easy. Just head north out of the human village, towards Youkai Mountain, and take the first fork in the road you see. It should be a short distance to the east."

Simple enough. "Thanks for the directions."

"My pleasure. We hope to see you around!" Byakuren hung up.

Finally, I could drop the nice girl tone. Moaning in annoyance, I dropped my head on the table and sat there for a good minute. I had one girl left on my list: Reimu. The two of us would have a lot to talk about… I hit the dial.

Reimu took a lot longer to pick up than the others. When she did, she sounded fairly aggravated, and her voice was barely audible over what sounded like… a firefight? "Whoever this is, I really, REALLY do not have time to talk right now!"

"Uh, what's—"

An explosion echoed in the background. "Oh, god dammit! That's it, you fairies are going down!"

Uh-oh…

"DREAM SIGN: FANTASY HEAVEN!" A loud whine, and the line went dead. I blinked several times, stunned. ...Well, somebody just plain fucking lost.

A minute later, the phone rang. I answered it. "Bad time?"

"One, yes. Two, who is this?"

It took a while to explain everything. When I was done, Reimu was silent for several seconds. "…Luke—I mean, Lucy… you officially have the worst luck of any human being I've ever known."

"Please don't remind me, Reimu. I only recently got over the genderbend thing."

Reimu chuckled. "Alright. Well, I appreciate the update, even though your timing could have been better. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"Actually, yes. Since I'm a girl, I pretty much was evicted from the Moriya shrine. And I couldn't stay at Eientei because they said that letting me live there would make them look bad. I made some calls, checked around to see who might accept me. Right now, the only two reasonable choices I haven't pursued yet are the Scarlets and you."

The response was instant. "I can't."

"…I'm sorry?"

"I just can't let you stay at the Hakurei Shrine. Think, Lucy; what's one of my most widely accepted fanon interpretations?"

"…You're poor?"

"Yes. And they're right—I really AM poor. I can only barely feed myself with what little money I receive from donations. Of course, I have a garden out behind my shrine for growing crops—corn, potatoes, wheat and rice, even an apple tree or two—but there's nothing to harvest in the middle of winter, so I'm being forced to ration what I've got stockpiled. I simply don't have enough food to permit a full-time residence. I can treat a tenant well for two, maybe three days at the very most before I risk myself suffering from malnutrition in the long run. You shouldn't have to suffer like I do."

Silence. "You still there?"

"Yes. I… I understand. I suppose the only course of action left to me is to go to Remilia, beg for a room in the SDM… and pray that I'm not forced to repay the debt in my own blood."

"Hey, you may have pissed off Yukari in your dreams, but surely you still have her protection. Remilia can't harm you directly as long as that protection persists."

"I guess so. Well… thanks for taking the time to turn me down gently."

"Good luck. I'm sorry I couldn't help you with this."

"I know…" The phone went silent in my hands.

Shortly afterward, Patchouli returned carrying a small wooden chest. The blank notepad she'd left with was now covered with notes and scribbles. "I apologize for taking so long. I…" She noticed me, head on the table, face covered up by my forearms. "What's wrong?"

I glanced up. "I'm an exile."

"What?"

"Of all the groups of Gensokyo, half of them could kill me. The other half simply can't afford to help me. Remilia is… the only option I have left."

"And you're afraid of all the horrible things the Scarlets could do to you."

"…I guess, yeah."

"I see." Patchouli set her items down and took my forearm in a surprisingly strong grip. "Well, then, let's go talk with her."

"What? Wait wait wait…" I barely stumbled out of the chair.

I tugged my arm until it hurt, but Patchouli's grip on me didn't falter. "You need to face your fears head-on if you expect to get anywhere in life. I though you of all people would know that, Lucy, considering what you had happen to you."

"Yes, but there's only so far I'm willing to go before I have to acknowledge that something might get me killed."

"Well, sometimes you have to be stupid to get things done. So, you're going to Remilia, and you're going to ask her face-to-face for sanctuary." Eventually, I gave up trying to resist; sickly or not, she was still a youkai, and as such was much stronger than me.

Finally, we arrived in the antechamber of the SDM. Remilia Scarlet, as I would expect, set perched on her throne. She had one leg slung over the other, and her head was propped up with a hand on her pale cheek. "Remi," Patchouli addressed the vampire. "A moment of your attention?"

The small girl glanced at me. "Well, I see Sleeping Beauty's awake. Who IS she, anyway?"

"The same outsider who was here earlier this week." Patchouli raised a hand before Remilia could protest in confusion. "The Lunarian's medicine did it."

"…Okay. That makes sense." I was shocked by how quickly she accepted the explanation. "What do you want me to do about him/her?"

Patchouli cleared her throat. "Well, long story short, she needs a place to live, and nobody else will take her in."

"Oh… she wants a room here, is that it?" Remi grinned, baring her sharp, pearly-white fangs at me. "Well, I'm going to need some convincing. The last time you were here, you brought with you both the witch and the flower youkai, and my home was nearly destroyed in the chaos that followed."

"Well, she…" Patchouli started, but it was Remilia's turn to cut her off.

"No, Patchy. I want to hear this from the… girl's own lips."

Suddenly, I couldn't find my voice. Remilia wasn't some sparkly vegan pussy—she was a true vampire. And not just any vampire, a vampire with the spirit of a violent, spoiled child. My life was in her hands, and she could break me—mentally, physically, and emotionally—at the drop of a hat. One wrong word, and I might as well be dead.

"Well? I'm waiting." Remilia stared at me. Her glance was unnerving, like that of a predator sizing up her next meal. It took all my willpower not to break down on the spot. I lowered my gaze to the floor.

Taking a deep breath, I spoke. "I… I may not have any sort of outstanding skill… but I'm a potential asset to you. If you accept me into your group… you'll have a person with Yukari's favor on your side. I'm protected from serious harm because I'm an outsider, and I can have great influence over others. By accepting me, you have an outsider who is indebted to you. I'll… I'll do anything for a place to live at this point."

The silence in the room was unnerving. Remilia pushed herself up and off her throne, stepping towards me. "You sure are offering yourself up on a silver platter to me. So, if I wanted to feed on your blood—keeping you alive, of course—you would offer your neck to me, no questions asked. Is that what you're saying?"

I couldn't control the shudder than ran through my body, but I persisted. "If that's what it would take… I guess."

A small hand took hold of my bangs and violently yanked upward, forcing me to look up to Remilia's feral, sharp-toothed grin. "I'm going to need more assurance than 'I guess,' girl. Would you allow me to feed off of you, or not?"

I flinched. "Y-yes!"

Finally, after a silence that felt like it lasted an eternity, Remilia let go of my hair. "…Very well. I feel like being generous today, so I'll grant your request."

I looked up. "Really?" Remilia's grin had softened, hiding her teeth, and she nodded ever-so-slightly. I bowed deeply. "Thank you, thank you… I promise to try my hardest not to be a burden to you."

Remilia held up a single finger. "…However, I have one condition for your stay."

"What is it?"

"Simple, really. In return for my kindness, you will work here as a maid."

…Eeeh?

XXXXX

(Savato93's AN: Damn, my average chapter is starting to get longer and longer… Oh well, can't complain if it gets results.)

(My AN: ... Talk about bad luck... Lucy got it hard, it seems... And that's why I respect her character here.)