A/N: Hi everyone, thank you for coming back…I will admit, this current lockdown period was supposed to be a good time for me to be able to catch up on all things creative (writing other chapters for my fics, writing chapters for my own stories and projects, creating stuff for my own business…) but I'm one of the fortunate ones who is able to work from home for my full-time job (my own business is outside of my normal office job), so I have had to work on this whenever I can. I hope you are all staying safe and well, keeping each other going during this difficult and uncertain time. Please enjoy this fic and think of the days when the most we had to worry about was getting a chapter out on time! Enjoy!
SWTE – Chapter 12
I waited patiently, pacing up and down, back and forth, back and forth.
I was stood just inside of a clearing, close enough to the edge that I could take a vampire down in some sort of privacy if needed, but far enough out that Edward could easily spot me. Not that he would have a problem, what with his vamp vision and all. It still didn't sit right with me that he was a vampire, but it doesn't make me feel sick to my stomach like it first did.
I also didn't stray too far from my duffle bag of goodies, and I kept a close eye on it each time I passed. I had everything in my bag committed to memory, as I would pack it methodically each time I went out with it, always knowing which part held my daggers and which held my mini axes.
The rustle of the trees in the night's wind had me on high alert. I knew my superhuman hearing would allow me to sense Edward approaching, but I still felt on edge. Although, I didn't think it had anything to do with the impending meeting I was about to have with a vampire - it was more to do with the fact that I was unbelievably in love with this man and the thought of possibly never seeing him again made my body feel strange.
My shoes kicked up leaves with every step I took, and I watched in fascination as they flew into the air, picked up and dragged away by the wind.
There had been no passers-by for the past 45 minutes, and I knew it was because anyone out in the dark shadows of Central Park at midnight was either a serial killer or a vampire...either way, I'm happy to take them down. No self-respecting, self-preserving human would put themselves in harm's way like that; humans were just instinctually wired to avoid those types of situations. Their own protective instinct took over, like the 'fight or flight' response.
So, I was pretty sure that it was safe for Edward and me to meet here.
I checked my watch, seeing it was almost midnight - getting here early had always been my plan. I hated that I wasn't in control of my feelings for Edward, so at least I could be in control of something. Plus, it gave me the opportunity to make sure we weren't going to be disturbed, particularly by any roaming vampires.
I blew out a long breath, and shook my hands, hoping to get rid of my nerves, possibly out of the ends of my fingers tips if I wished really, really hard.
"Bella..."
His voice was like music, reminding me of the soft classical tones he played in his car on our date not so long ago. Or the music he played in his home as we ate dinner together, as we made out on his sofa.
I turned slowly, fearing that if I moved too quickly, he would be afraid of me. And the thought of him being afraid of me just made my heart hurt.
He stood before me, with his hands in the pockets of his dark blue trousers, and with a shy and sheepish look on his face. His smile was small, but warm. His eyes were dark and his hair wasn't as neatly mussed up as it normally was. He looked so dishevelled and beaten.
"How..." and he stopped to unnecessarily clear his throat, "How are you? Have you been keeping well?"
I didn't like the formality of his questioning. It felt as if we were at a business meeting, not that he was my boyfriend.
Was he still my boyfriend? What exactly were we now?
"I'd say judging by your appearance that I've been doing a lot better than you Edward" I replied, indicating to his current state. "But then again, I don't know why you are asking, when you already know...because you have been keeping tabs on me, haven't you?"
I didn't mean to sound so accusingly, I just wanted him to know that I knew. And that in a way I liked that he kept tabs on me...it showed that he still cared.
He didn't reply, he just simply cast his eyes to the ground, keeping his hands in his pockets.
"Look, I'm not having a go at you for it. I guess you were doing what you thought was best for me. It's what you've been doing most of my life isn't it? Looking out for me? Since my parents deaths...you have been following me from one town to another, around the whole country"
"How did you know?" He asked, shock registering on his face. "Do you remember-"
"No, Carlisle and Jasper stopped by the gallery. Whilst Jasper made a speedy exit, Carlisle decided to stay and set me straight on a few things" I interrupted. "He's a good man"
He huffed, clearly frustrated that his father had spilled his secrets.
"Hey, he cares about you. They all do" I argued gently. "If he hadn't have told me anything, would you have done? Or would you have preferred to have kept me in the dark?"
"I just didn't think that dredging up your painful past was worth it all. You have obviously made a good life for yourself, and you are so strong now compared to what you were before. When you were younger, I worried for you. I watched over you all of the time, making sure you were being cared for. Well, for as long as we could anyway. There were more wolves turning all the time, due to our presence"
"Yeah, see that right there, you knowing me when I was younger, that's just…weird" I said, throwing my hands up in frustration, and letting them fall roughly by my sides. "I get that you wanted to protect me, although I don't know why...but the fact that you have known me for so long and I've only known you for a short time just makes this really strange to me"
Edward didn't even bother to reply. He just looked lost. As if someone had just explained the meaning of life to him and it was bigger than he had ever imagined.
"Look, why don't we get out of this clearing and go somewhere to talk, huh?" I offered. "I'm sure it looks like we are meeting to exchange drugs and money right now" I chuckled, surprised at how easy it was to fall back into relaxing with Edward. "And if that were the case, my friend Embry would be all over my ass - he's a cop!" I added, seeing Edward's face harden at the mention of someone giving me a tough time. As if I couldn't handle that!
He gave me a small smile, and nodded.
I bent low, and picked up my duffle, throwing it over my shoulder.
"Would you like me to carry that for you?"
Ever the gentleman!
"No it's ok thanks" I said, feeling 'Charlie' sticking out of the side. "They are just my weapons, I can manage thank you"
I don't know why I told him what was in the bag, but it had clearly touched a nerve straight away.
"Holy shit Bella, did you seriously think you would need to arm yourself against me?" He stopped walking, his expression one of absolute horror.
"What? Oh, no - of course not! How could you even think that? I'm going on patrol tonight after we're done here and I knew I wouldn't have time to go back for them". My explanation seemed to placate him, and he nodded, taking another stride towards the benches up ahead. "Plus, I know I don't have to use weapons against you"
"...Because you pretty much own my ass, right?"
"Was that a joke Mr Cullen?" I chuckled, reaching the bench and placing my bag carefully by the side of it, before sitting down.
"Kind of, it has been known to happen from time to time" he replied. He seemed placated by my explanation about my weapons not being for him, possibly using the humour to mask his relief. He sat beside me, giving me some space, taking his long fingered hands out of his pockets and running them up and down his thighs, I guessed for something to do.
Edward was usually cool, calm and collected, but the man sat beside me right now was a far cry from the confident and suave businessman who walked through the doors of my gallery and almost made poor Mike pee himself from intimidation.
No - this man was hurt, broken, desperate and sullen. All because of me. And I hated myself for that, because despite what Edward was, the biggest part of me still loved him. Still wanted to care for him. Still thought of him as a sweet, wonderful, caring and passionate person, with a huge heart and a lot of love to give.
"Look Bella...I can't tell you how sorry I am for keeping our secret from you, and believe me when I say that if this relationship had gone further, I would have spilled every secret I have ever had to you. Mainly because you are everything to me and I pretty much worship the ground you walk on, but also because I knew from the very beginning that you are a trustworthy and loyal person. I only have to see you at the gallery to know that. The way you treat people is inspiring. And hearing what Mr and Mrs Newton think of you is testament to how amazing you are"
I sighed internally, feeling my head spin at the intensity and adoration in his words.
"I guess I can't be mad at you. I mean, I was keeping a pretty big secret myself, and I'll be honest when I say that I really wasn't planning on telling you...at all. I had already thought about if we went any further and if I could actually bring myself to tell you, but the truth is that I didn't want to drag you into this whole screwed up world that I live in. To think that you were human and I was knowingly putting you in harm's way just by being aware of who I am, or for just being around me..." I trailed off, insure of what I wanted to say. Unable to find the rest of the words. "...so let's just call that even, eh?" I sighed, understanding just how messed up this whole situation really is. "And I get that you thought you were protecting me, so thank you for having my back…I guess" I added reluctantly.
"Thank you too"
I glanced over at him, still awestruck every time I laid eyes on his beautiful face. "What for?"
"For having my back too...and my family's backs. That day-" he said, blanching at the mere memory of it, "...that day, you were coming back to my family's home to try to protect us, weren't you?"
I nodded. I didn't need to reply. Edward knew what was going on. And once he found out I was a huntress, he realised that I had headed back to the Cullen house because I was sensing something of the vampire persuasion.
"Despite everything that's happened Bella, I can't regret it. Not any of it. Not for a single second. Meeting you has been the most wonderful time of my very long life, and I know that even though it's come to an end, I can honestly say that I would not have changed any of it. You are a special, brilliant, beautiful and brave woman, and I am amazed by you every time I see you. I consider myself the luckiest man on Earth for having this short time with you"
"You sound like you are leaving again" I said, my heart aching at the mere possibility of him disappearing again. Leaving me. "Carlisle told me that you took off for a while" I shrugged as some form of explanation as to why his father and I had been discussing him behind his back.
"I didn't think that I deserved to even be in the same city as you after seeing the hurt and disgust I saw on your face the last time we were with each other. I just needed to get away and try to think clearly. Somehow Bella, you cloud my thoughts, and my ability to use my judgement even at a distance" he glanced ahead of us as he spoke, watching nothing in particular. I mean, there isn't much to focus on at midnight, no-one else is around.
I smiled up at him weakly, knowing exactly what he meant. I felt the same way, but I was just too scared to admit it.
"I just figured that if I left, I could figure out how to fix this. If I could just put enough space between you and me, if I could just think straight without being distracted, I would be able to sort this whole thing out"
"Carlisle said you came back a while ago, what made you return?" I asked, hoping for a very specific answer.
"The distance between us hurt too much. I thought I could stay away from you Bella, but not being where you are makes me feel anxious and as if my skin itches. I know I sound like a foolish idiot and I know you probably think I'm crazy, but it's how I feel. I cannot help it"
Well, it's not the specific answer I thought I would get, but it's pretty darned close. And in that thought alone, I knew that I didn't want this to be a goodbye. Because I knew that if I went through this life without Edward in it, I would have had a miserable existence.
He makes me smile and laugh and have fun, despite us being mortal enemies. He understands art and music and books. He just gets me the way no human man ever has, and I knew I would kick myself every day for the rest of my life if I just turned my back on it all.
On us.
"So, what did you get up to whilst you were away?" I asked lightly, in a vain attempt to mentally shake this heavy feeling off.
"I wasn't with any other women if that's what you are asking" he smirked.
"That's not what I asked" I countered back, but I knew that somewhere in that question I actually was asking that.
He sighed, and looked thoughtful. After a few seconds of silent contemplation he answered. "I was moping. I was tearing out my hair and making a mess of myself. I was completely engulfed in guilt and self-hatred for not only how this had all come around, but also how I had made you feel. I angrily trudged through forests and woodland, feeding on animals only when absolutely necessary, and my every thought was you. Only you, Bella. On how I could try to find a way to erase your memory of me entirely, so that I may resume watching you and keeping you safe from a distance...without you ever knowing I was there"
Edward's voice broke a little at the end, and tears escaped my eyes, creating wet tracks down both of my cheeks, turning instantly cold in the wind of the cool night. I swiped them away.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why would you even want me to forget you?" I asked, kind of angry that he would want me to forget our time together. That he would make a decision like that without even thinking about what I would want.
"Erm...well, I just assumed that you wouldn't want to remember all the hurt I caused you..."
"But you thought that if I could forget, that I would take that opportunity and run? Fuck, Edward do you not know me at all?" And I stood up, pacing angrily in front of him. He had made a move to stand up with me but clearly thought better of it. Smart move on his part! "Despite everything that has happened, it still happened. And despite the way we may feel about each other, I wouldn't want to forget that either"
"What are you saying Bella?" he asked uncertainly.
I threw him a dead-panned look.
"Are you still wanting me around?"
The expression of shock he wore stopped my pacing immediately. He had really come here thinking I was ending it all. Did he not realise how deep in I was? How much I loved him?
"What the heck did you think I asked you here for?"
He didn't answer. He simply looked at his unbelievably expensive shoes.
And that one move said it all to me.
"Shit! You thought I was going to kill you?" I cried, probably a little too loudly. Again, he chose not to answer. That was also probably wise. "Is that what you thought Edward?"
Now I was totally pissed!
"Yes". His voice was so small and so gentle that I had to strain to hear him.
"And do you have your family waiting in the wings, ready to try and take me out?" I bellowed, putting emphasis on the word 'try', "Am I about to be fucking ambushed, huh?"
"No Bella," he replied frantically and hurriedly, now on his feet and in front of me in the blink of an eye. He placed his hands at the tops of my arms, holding me securely. "I would never allow anyone to hurt you, ever! Not even my family". He growled protectively, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't slightly turned on, but I quickly shook it off. This wasn't the time or the place.
His voice and his words were so forceful that I had no choice but to believe him.
"So, you have come alone? Even thinking that I had called you here so I could do something so impossibly devastating as ending your life?"
He nodded, removing his hands and taking a step back.
I immediately missed the contact and the closeness.
I stared at him dumbfounded for a moment.
"Edward, what the heck is going on in your head?" I asked him quietly, concerned that he may not be in his right mind.
"I would take whatever you decided Bella. If killing me would take away at least a fraction of the hurt I have caused, I would get on my knees for you and die smiling" he said sadly. "If you would feel better knowing that I no longer exist, I would go down without a fight. I just ask that you please spare my family. They have only ever followed me in my mission to find you, and they have never posed a threat to humanity. Please spare them"
If vampires could cry, I know Edward would be doing so right now. His face was twisted in angst and pain.
"How do you think I could ever end your life?" and I surprised myself by closing the gap between us and placing my hand on his cheek. It was cold again, and I wasn't sure if that was due to the weather or the fact that I hadn't been around Edward for some time, so I wasn't as attuned to him as I usually was.
He gasped when my hand met his cheek, and as quick as a flash, he had his hand held over mine. Securing it in place. He closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into my touch.
"You are a dumbass if you think that I would ever want you gone - living or otherwise. I know we have our differences, and that is using the term very loosely, but I have struggled to do anything other than work or hunt since that day in the woods, and that was simply for a distraction from how much I hurt"
"I know. I had my family watch out for you whilst I was gone" he said sheepishly, looking down at me.
"I figured" I muttered, removing my hand from his face and shoving them the pockets of my black hoodie. "I knew you couldn't stay away, even if it was through your family members"
I shook my head in an amused sort of way, just because.
"Jasper is very impressed with you, by the way. He thinks you are good for me"
"You've got to be kidding me!" I laughed, for the first time in a long time. "I thought he would tear my office to pieces when he was there...and I even thought he was going to grab Carlisle and head for the hills at one point"
Edward shook his head, smirking.
"What?" I asked, feeling a little paranoid that there was an inside joke that I wasn't a part of.
"Well, Jasper let me in on his memory of you" he explained, a little sheepishly. "He said that you are a spitfire and he likes that I've 'finally found a woman with some real stones'...his words, not mine" and he held his hands up jokingly in defence. "I don't usually pry into other people's thoughts, but Jasper being an empath does have its benefits. He remembers how others feel in his memories of them, so I asked if I could glance at his memory of you when came to the house"
"And?"
"He showed me how you felt happy and a little nervous, but then upon meeting my family members, you became focused and determined, as if you were on a mission to get to know them. It really was quite something. I'll keep that memory with me for as long as a live" he smiled.
I indicated to him to sit back down because I felt a little swayed on my feet. The thought of Jaspers gift being able to work on me when Edward's and Alice's don't was still very strange. In fact, them having gifts at all was very strange. Although, given the life I had grown up into and now knowing that my own brothers turn into furry, sharp-toothed wolves, I shouldn't be surprised by much anymore.
He followed me back to the bench and I sat down, but not before I saw his eyes glance to my duffle once more.
"Don't worry, nothing in there is for you or your family Edward, so you can stop panicking. I would never hurt any of you...I can see that you feed from animals, and as far as I'm concerned, my only job is keeping humans safe from your kind. If you aren't a threat to them, then I don't see that we have a problem" I shrugged, nonchalantly.
And I meant it. As much as I was struggling internally with what Edward and his family were, I knew that I would never have to come up against them. They were good people, and a part of me knew that they hadn't asked for this life that they were living - they were simply trying to do it the best they could. And not killing and feeding from humans was the most important thing they could do.
"So, now that we are here" he motioned his hand between us, "and we are talking in a civilised manner, I'm sure you have questions?"
I thought about that. "But would you give me the truth, or would you give me some cock and bull story, in order to protect me from something that could potentially upset me?"
"I will always be truthful with you Bella" he said, and he sounded so sincere that I knew he was being honest with me.
Let's keep this momentum of honesty going then, shall we?
"Why did you pursue me if you didn't want me to know what you and your family were?"
"I've already been honest about that one Bella. Despite knowing that I would have seen a great difference between the two of us, I couldn't stay away from you. And if I'm being completely honest, I didn't expect to set eyes on you and have such strong romantic feelings for you. I just thought that I would feel protective of you as I've always done, and I could forge a strong friendship with you for the rest of your life"
And that last sentence really stuck out with me. '...for the rest of your life...'
And I was once again reminded that although I am a huntress and all powerful, I was not immortal like Edward. Or the rest of the Cullens. Or the whole vampire race, if I was being totally frank about it.
I mentally shook that thought from my mind for now.
"Ok, so what happened - from your side - that night with my parents?"
He swallowed thickly. "Going straight in there for a tough one, huh?" He asked, and I nodded, not trusting my voice anymore. "Fine, but if it becomes too much, you must tell me. I'm not going anywhere now Bella, and we can always pick this up again another time if you wish"
I nodded again, showing I agreed, but allowed him to continue.
"So, Carlisle had been taking us around the country, moving every so often. We stay in a place just long enough for us to survive. People would start to notice that we aren't ageing if we stick around too long, so Carlisle always goes with the whole 'needed at a different hospital' excuse, and we always go with him. That time in our lives, he happened to be stationed at Washington General Hospital, and so our hunting ground was the whole of that area - including Forks"
He fiddled with a stray piece of thread on his sweater as he spoke, not daring to look at my face.
"We always try to hunt together, knowing that there are others out there, we prefer to keep each other safe. After all, vampires who have recently fed on humans are a little stronger and faster than the ones of us who feed on animal blood. Not by much, and nothing for us to truly worry ourselves about, but if we were to venture out alone, we don't know the area and could be crossing into someone else's territory"
"Vampires have their own territory?" I asked, slightly embarrassed that vampires had been my life for a long time now, yet I had never heard of vampire territory before.
"So to speak...you see, whereas you would just sense there are vampires around, we pick up on each other's scents. If the scent is particularly strong, we know that a vampire regularly hunts there. Forks, however, had no strong scents, so we assumed the animals there were fine to drink from. That particular night, we had been hunting, when we came across a strange scent..."
"The three that I've been searching for?" I whispered in shock, feeling sick.
"Yes"
"How did they smell different?"
"The best way I can describe it is when you smell a new book against smelling a very old book"
"So their scents smelled old and dusty?" I said.
Edward chuckled. "Yes, I guess you could say that". He regained himself instantly. "They were new to us, we had never experienced something like that before. But the more we followed the scent, the stronger another scent felt to me - yours"
He took my hand in both of his, and held me gently.
"I wish I could tell you how amazing your scent is to me Bella...like a mixture of all of my favourite smells from when I was human...and I immediately felt like I needed to care for, and protect, whoever owned that scent. But unfortunately, when we arrived, the smell of blood almost had us running. It was so strong Bella, I'm so so sorry, but it really was so very strong"
He kept a tight hold of my hands, as I'm sure he heard my heartbeat pick up rapidly. I had to remind myself that I needed to know, that I had asked for this.
I nodded to him to continue.
"We were the ones who discovered your parents, specifically Alice and Jasper, closely followed by Carlisle and Esme, and I've never had the desire to pry into their thoughts as to what they found, because I didn't see, I just know that as I made my way through the house, trying to locate the source of what I needed to protect, I came across your room, and I knew that whatever was behind that door would be in my life from now on"
I kept my head down, trying to control my thoughts and my breathing. I wanted to stay calm.
"Are you ok?" he asked gently.
I nodded. "Carry on" and he looked at me uncertainly. "Please?" I pleaded, hoping he would respect my wishes in wanting the truth after all of this time.
He smiled sadly, and continued.
"As I made my way towards your room, and opened the door, I found you cowering beside your bed, with two vampires looming over you. And as your eyes met mine, I've never felt such anger and protectiveness in my whole life. It was as if my whole world suddenly revolved around you. So I rushed to put myself in between you and those disgusting creatures, and readied for battle"
I smiled at the thought of Edward wanting to protect me, even though I was a total stranger to him.
"Carlisle said that your growl pretty much shook the whole house" I chuckled quietly.
"I honestly don't know, I was so focused on keeping you safe that I wasn't really in control of myself. I would have ripped them to pieces in front of you if I absolutely had to, but I was just trying to keep them away from you long enough for my family to discover us. Emmett and Rosalie burst through after a couple of seconds - which to a vampire is a very long time - and the two vampires escaped with their measly lives. I hated that they had gotten away, but the fact that you were safe and unharmed was enough to see me through wanting revenge"
Flashes of that night had always been with me; the wail of the police sirens as they made their way to my house...Billy holding my face with tears in his eyes as he examined me making sure I wasn't hurt...the cold and sterile hospital room that I was made to stay in whilst the authorities were deciding my future...luckily, Billy was only too happy to take me in and care for me as if I were one of his own.
Edward continued on, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Hold on…I remember seeing 3 sets of red eyes, but you mentioned 2 vamps in my room?" I enquired, feeling that my memory was correct. It just didn't add up to Edward's recollection.
"Yes, one of the three was simply waiting for the other two. We have reason to believe that he was not completely innocent and that he had dealings in your parents deaths, but he seemed less interested in going after you than the other two." He explained.
My mind flashed back to the ancient vampire I came across in the forest in Forks, the same one that wolf-Sam ripped apart. I knew straight away that he was the one Edward was talking about right now.
I waved my hand at him to continue.
"As soon as the authorities had arrived, and taken Carlisle and Esme's statements, we knew you were in safe hands, but it still didn't make me feel any better"
"So, the police didn't take your statement?" I asked, hoping I might be able to get Embry to get into the police files for me. I'd never wanted to read about my parent's case before, but if I knew there was a statement from Edwards own words, I would be tempted to have a look.
"No, we thought it may have raised questions of a family of seven people were just roaming the woods at night, but it was more believable if Carlisle and Esme told them they were out hiking and strayed off their designated path, when they heard the screaming and came running to you. They told the police that your parents were already gone, but they managed to fight off your attackers, before they made their exit. The police seemed to believe the story, so the rest of us waited in the woodland until it was all done and you were safe with Billy and his family. We were actually unsure if you were going to tell a different story to what we had concocted but you just seemed to be silent, then not remember anything. Carlisle deduced that you were in shock and had a memory blank"
"Yeah, the whole night was pretty hazy to be honest, I just kept getting flashes of those cold red eyes, and I somehow knew that there were 3 attackers"
"…But you didn't tell the police that?" he replied as a statement, not a question.
"No. I figured that my head was playing tricks with me. I knew that the night had rolled into lots of different bits of horrible and horrific memories, but I never wanted to talk to the police, and after a while, they gave up asking, just assuming I didn't remember anything. I mean, how on Earth could I tell them that the men who killed my parents had red eyes, huh? They would have had me committed there and then, I would never have even had the option to live with Pops and Jake""
He nodded at me sadly and turned his whole body towards me, continuing on.
"It was the most important night of my life Bella...it was the night that I had met you, and I wish it had been under better circumstances. Do you have any other questions?"
I nodded instantly, knowing I had about a thousand, but needed to get to the bigger questions first.
"Carlisle said that you had been searching for me...why?"
"I thought that would have been obvious Bella?"
When I shook my head, he answered.
"I felt like I needed to protect you. Even though you didn't know me from the next stranger you came across, I just couldn't help but feel like I was supposed to be in your life. And I also worried that the three vampires would come back to finish the job"
"But you left?"
He sighed heavily, and his shoulders slumped. He broke eye contact with me, so that he could look down at our joined hands.
"I had visited you and watched over you almost every day for a couple of years, I wanted to give you space to live your life and forge a new life with your new family, and you finally seemed to be eating more, smiling more, and I heard you even laugh once or twice. We only ever watched from the woods, so I didn't get close enough to make an impact on your or your family, but then Carlisle told me that he needed to move again. I understood and he even said that I could stay behind if I wanted to, but I knew that he worried about me. So I made the decision to leave, and just return to you every couple of months. But then I went hunting with my brothers one weekend, and when I returned a few days later, I came back to hear someone named Sue crying, saying how she couldn't believe you were gone, and she would do anything to have you back with them all"
He pulled his hand away from mine, and reached up to touch my cheek. His eyes looked lost, as if he had gone back to that very day.
I placed my hand over his, mimicking his movements from earlier on, holding him securely, not ready to break contact between us.
"I really thought the worst Bella, and it made me feel like I was going to be sick. To think of a world where you don't exist, it made me want to stop existing myself"
"Don't you dare say that Edward!" I scolded, pulling my hand away, and pushing lightly at his chest.
"It's true. I couldn't think straight, my brothers were talking to me but I wasn't listening, I stumbled and lost the ability to keep myself on my feet. Carlisle figured that I had gone into a vampire version of shock, but then I heard Billy comforting Sue, telling her that you would call as soon as you were settled in your new home and I breathed again" he smiled. "Except, I then realised that I had no idea where you had gone to. I tried getting closer to the house in order to hear Billy's thoughts, to see where you might have moved to, but he didn't even know-"
"I didn't even know where I was headed to myself. Billy had gone crazy when I told him I wanted to move away, but he knew that I had a gift, and I needed to share it with the world - so to speak - and so I said I would just know when I got there". I shrugged my shoulders, unsure how to react. I didn't know what to do back then. I was young, naive and ready for action, so moving to a new place and fighting vampires there was my only thought. I knew Forks and The Rez was safe without me"
"How so?"
"There hadn't been a vampire for months – or at least a vampire attack" I smirked, indicating to the fact that Edward and his family were clearly around all of the time. "So, you thought you would never find me?"
He nodded and sighed.
"I headed back to the house immediately, asking Alice to look into your future to see if she could give me an indication where you were headed, but the full force of my panic set in when we found out that for some strange reason you fell under her psychic radar. Without Billy giving away your location in his thoughts and Alice being unable to 'see' you, I was at a loss for what to do. My only idea was to go from city to city, listening to people's minds and seeing if I could track you down that way. Emmett and Rosalie split up one way, Jasper and Alice the other, all reporting any findings back to me so I could try somewhere new. You certainly didn't make it easy for me either" he smirked.
"Why? What did I do?" I asked with animation, not quite seeing how Edward not finding me could have been my fault.
"It's what you didn't do" he laughed. "I mean, is it too much to ask that you create yourself a social media page, or buy a house, or to make some friends who would add your name and beautiful face to the internet and therefore help me to locate you? You were a ghost Bella, you didn't even take out some much as a library card...there was just nothing that I could pin your name to"
"I just didn't stick around anywhere long enough to make friends. Or to put my name down for a mortgage for that matter. And I have never had the time to create and maintain a social media presence, so I apologise that I hindered your stalking" and I bumped his shoulder with my own. "For the record, if I'd have known that you were searching for me, I would have taken out a billboard ad for you"
"Well, thank you; that would have made my job much easier" he chuckled.
We heard a rustle of leaves behind us, and I immediately took out 'Charlie' from my duffle, and Edward was on his feet immediately, holding himself in a stance that showed he was ready to attack if needs be...
I stepped forward but he held his arm out in front on me. I pushed it down, irritated that he would try to tell me what to do and resumed stepping forward. And as I made my way over to the bush where the rustling was still coming from, I aimed 'Charlie' at the culprit - a stray dog who had discovered a discarded and dirty burger nestled in the bushes.
I blew out a breath and turned, only to bump into Edward's marble-hard chest.
"Umph! Edward, what the fuck?"
"Sorry Bella, I couldn't let you do this alone"
"I think I could handle a small dog" I said with a snippy tone, before disarming myself and making my way back over to the bench. I placed 'Charlie' back into the bag and sat back down. A moment later Edward joined me.
"That won't happen again" I finally said, feeling the annoyance ebb away. Albeit slowly, but it was ebbing away.
"What?"
"You...trying to protect me. To stop me from fighting. Tell me Edward, if that had been a vampire, what would you have done?"
He didn't answer me, so I crossed my leg over the other, and crossed my arms over my chest, letting him know that I wasn't going anywhere, and that he wasn't getting out of answering me.
He huffed, knowing that he had no choice. And because it was Edward, I knew he would never lie to me.
"I would have grabbed you and run, got you somewhere safe and then come back to track down the vampire and rip their head off" he answered mechanically, knowing he was in the crapper already!
"Yeah see, that right there...that shit has got to stop. It's my job Edward!"
"It doesn't mean to say I have to like it" he countered boldly.
"You don't have to like it, in fact you get no say in it whatsoever. This is my life, my destiny, and I will not have someone interfering in what I am doing. And believe me when I say that I am very good at what I do Edward. In fact, I am the best at what I do, and that is because I hunt alone. I have no one else to worry about, so I don't have to watch anyone's back and have my attention divided between them and the vampire I'm trying to kill. I simply give it all I've got, and I always win"
I could hear my ragged breathing and my heart was beating hard as I finished my speech. I needed him to see how important this was to me, and to the people of this city. I owed them a fast, sharp hunter who was going to keep them all safe from the things that went bump in the night.
"But the thought of you being out there, against those monsters-"
"The monsters who always lose?"
"Still, regardless of your unbelievable skills Bella, I cannot understand why you do it alone...or why you do it at all"
"I do it because I have to Edward. I have a destiny that my mother had before me, and her mother before that, and even her mother before that. Every woman in my family had given birth to a daughter within her number of children, knowing that her daughter would go on to become the next huntress when she is needed. So I have no choice...and even if I did have a choice, I would still choose to do it because it's the right thing to do. And as for fighting alone, I just prefer it when I don't have to look after someone else too"
He started to argue with me, "But what if-"
"You know that evening at the gallery, the night of the Jenks exhibition?" I interrupted his argument, "I had that very short dress on?"
"How could I forget" he smirked.
"Well, did you know that that particular dress was actually floor length at the start of the gala? And that a vampire attacked me in the alleyway, forcing me to kill her and burn her right there and then, but not before she sliced my gorgeous gown. You see Edward, I had been in the same amount of danger that night as I am every night, but a heck of a lot less prepared and still as successful. Back then I was in heels and had no weapons, but when I hunt, I am focused and prepared and unstoppable"
He shocked me, as he bent to kiss my forehead quickly.
"I'm sorry, but you must understand that after searching for you for so very long, I find it difficult to allow you- Sorry, watch you-" he corrected as he saw my unimpressed expression, "...put yourself in harm's way intentionally"
I sighed, feeling his love for me. "I know, but you cannot get in the way of what I do. Promise me, Edward. It's too important to me"
He hesitated, but finally relented with a huff. "Fine...but I'm only saying that because I'm so amazed at how tonight has actually turned out. It makes a man happy when he believes he's walking to his death, and in actual fact, the woman he's in love with doesn't totally want him to disappear" he laughed, light-heartedly and free.
"Thank you" was all I responded...but something dawned on me. "Hang on...you said you watched over me when I was younger. So, you knew that the tribe were werewolves?"
"Yes...why?" His face showed that he was genuinely confused by my question.
"Because I sure as shit didn't know!" I cried, throwing my arms in the air in frustration. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
"Well...I guess it was because we thought they were just protecting you...we had heard the tales of werewolves being capable of killing vampires, that is why we kept our distance. We knew that you were a member of the tribe - even if it wasn't by blood, but by choice - so your safety was their priority"
"But if you were watching me, how did you not know what I was?" I asked, unable to see how so many factors of our lives could have been so out of sync.
"We never really stuck around for your training sessions...the couple that I was lucky enough to witness, seemed more like Billy teaching you self-defence. I watched over you more where you were out in the woods alone, walking...or sat in the shade of the trees, reading...or when you were sleeping..." he mumbled.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part" I smirked, cupping my hand around my ear and leaning nearer towards him for dramatic effect.
"I was there to watch you sleep, ok? Not in a creepy stalker type of way, but I just felt that when you were all asleep - including the wolves - that you were all most vulnerable"
He stopped talking and a silence crept across the space between us. I was deep in thought to see if I had any more pressing questions, whilst Edward seemed to be mulling something else over in his mind.
"Bella, how did you not know about your wolf family? If you don't mind me asking, that is" he added quickly.
"Billy thought I had been through enough for that time, said that he didn't want to add any more stress to me...after a while, it just seemed like too much time had passed. I only found out recently"
"You're kidding? How?"
"I was tracking a blood suck-...I mean, vampire...across some woodland, and came across my brother, Sam. He was all big teeth, black fur and drool. I thought he was going to take me out too, but when I realised it was him and chewed his ass up for not letting me in on the secret, it came out that Billy had been keeping a few secrets of his own"
I smirked at Edward's wide eyes.
"Don't worry, we are all squared up now, I've said my piece and Pops knows he was wrong to keep it all from me, we're all good"
I hated fighting with Billy, and I'm so glad that everything was out in the open now. No more secrets. Or so it would seem.
"Listen, Edward...I don't know what this is," and I indicated between the two of us, "but, if you are going to be in my life, I need to tell Billy about you. He is my father of sorts, and he means a lot to me. The whole tribe do, but Pops and Jake particularly. How do you feel about that?" I asked, uncertain of if this would be the final nail in the coffin that is our relationship - so to speak!
"I trust you Bella, if you choose to tell Billy, then you must believe it is the right thing to do"
"But you won't be angry?"
"Isabella Marie Swan, I could never be angry with you" he said, once again picking up my hand. He stroked it so gently that I almost didn't feel it, before placing his cool lips against my skin. They left a tingle in their wake.
"Thank you for understanding, Edward" I said.
"I understand more than most how important family is Bella"
"And how would your family feel about it? I mean, I know that they have followed you for years in trying to find me and that's all well and good…but having their secret shared is a different story. Have you spoken to them about the possibility, before all of this changed I mean?" I added, feeling like a dick for bringing up the reminder that our relationship had shifted because of everything we had found out about each other, but if I was going to tell Billy and Jake everything, I respected the Cullens enough to wait until Edward had spoken to them about it.
"We have touched on the subject somewhat" he replied cryptically, not meeting my eyes, but choosing to look out over the park.
"I would really prefer you to ask them about it if that's ok, Edward. I know that they don't know me very well, but the fact that you and your family are not a threat you humans means that I get to treat you like any other family that I come across"
He smiled down at me, finally meeting my gaze.
"You really are a remarkable woman, Miss Swan" he said, and I felt like there was a touch of the old Edward in his voice. Just by calling me 'Miss Swan' made my heart happy again. "To consider the feelings of my family and I…it's truly wonderful and a testament to amazing job your parents and Billy have done in raising you".
He brought my hand up to his lips and placed the gentlest of kisses on it. I closed my eyes for a second, allowing me the illusion of pretending we were back to being the Bella and Edward from a couple of months ago, before all of this shit happened and turned our lives upside down.
"I will speak with them when I get home, they will be keen to know how tonight has gone down anyway" he chuckled. "Alice and Esme particularly. Esme has been so sad for us, she just wants to see us happy" he smiled sadly.
"Well, let's hope we can help her to smile again huh?" I shrugged, unsure of where I wanted go to with this. Was it too soon? Or have we wasted enough time apart already? My head said one thing, but my heart said something completely different.
"Are you saying that you are willing to give us another go?" he asked, and the hope in his voice was almost too much to bear.
"Let's see what happens, shall we? We have a lot to figure out, and we still have things to talk about" I replied, not wanting to get his hopes up for a miracle that this is going to go back to how it used to be, "but I think tonight has been a huge step in trying to move forward" I added, trying to make sense of everything in my head, which was beginning to hurt a little.
I stood up, and Edward quickly followed suit.
"I have to go on patrol now, and I think we both have a lot to think about before we see each other again"
His smile was wide and brilliant.
"What?" I asked, feeling a little self-conscious.
"Just hearing you talk about us seeing each other again…I never dreamt it was possible. I thought you were done with me for good"
"I almost was" I replied, hating that his smile faltered because of my words, but not wanting to lie to him, "but you are too kind, and sweet, and pretty perfect for me to just turn my back on you, on us"
He regained his smile – although not as wide as before – but it was still there.
"Can I try something real quick?" I asked.
"Of course" he replied, and his expression didn't change. He didn't look suspicious, he didn't seem afraid, or upset or curious.
He trusted me. And that alone confirmed that I was right to do what I was about to do.
I took a small step forward, easily closing the gap between us, and reached up on my tiptoes, placing my hands on either side of his face, and my lips against his. The sensation of feeling like I was home and completely safe was overwhelming. And that is exactly how Edward made me feel – safe, secure and like I was the most loved person in the world.
At first Edward didn't react, he simply stood with his eyes wide open, and his hands by his side. But in what feels like the longest second of my life, he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me in even closer.
Edward's lips moved with mine, warm and inviting, and the fact that he began to feel warmer to me was not missed. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly, but I was glad it had. I needed to feel the connection to him again, needed to feel that despite our very different lives, we might be able to look past this and make it work.
After a while, I pulled away slowly, trying to gather my breath. Edward pulled back too, but his grip around my waist didn't loosen. He kept a tight hold on me, and I wasn't exactly complaining.
"What was that for?" he asked breathlessly.
"I just needed to make sure"
"Of what?"
"That we were still…us" I replied, reluctantly letting him go, and allowing him to do the same.
"And?" Hi face held a worried expression…how could he be worried after that kiss? He really was so afraid to lose me, but I guess the feeling was more than mutual.
"Well, at least we know we don't have to work on our attraction for each other" I chuckled, picking up my duffle and throwing it over my shoulder.
When I looked back up at him, he was still looking uncertain.
I reached up and smoothed my thumb across the space between his eyebrows that was currently scrunched together. Once it was smooth, I spoke. "Don't overthink it Edward"
"I just…I can't believe you are here with me" he said, taking my hand and holding it gently. It wasn't lost on me that it was also symbolic of the fact that he didn't want me to leave. But I was happy to have the skin-to-skin contact with him again. I'd missed that.
"Did you ever think that we would ever have shared another kiss? Or that we would even be talking face-to-face again?"
"No, I didn't" he admitted.
"Then, this has already turned out better than either of us expected hasn't it?" I smiled as I spoke, because my whole being felt lighter and less breakable than I had in the past weeks. "We both have to trust each other to tell the truth, even if it hurts, but right now, you have a family to talk to, and I have a job to do"
He didn't let my hand go.
"Hey" I said gently, taking his chin and prompting him to look at me, "I have to do this, you know that right? This is what my Mum did, what my Grandma did, and my great-grandma…this is what I was born to do, and you need to let me do it, ok?"
He nodded sullenly, but he finally agreed. "Ok Bella…I just can't stand the thought of you being out here alone, just waiting to be pounced on"
"Excuse me, but I'll be the one doing the pouncing, thank you very much. Now go, and speak to your family, please. The quicker you do that, the quicker I can talk to my family, then the quicker we can start to try to repair what we have"
"Please be safe" he said, planting a quick kiss on my lips.
"I always am" I sang back to him, before he reluctantly left. He looked back at me once or twice, and I eventually gave him the stink-eye after a while of watching him walking away – at human speed, may I add. He had the sense to at least look a little sheepish, before he took off at vampire speed, and disappeared into the trees.
I took a long breath in, and blew it out, feeling lighter somehow. As if having Edward back in my life just aligned all of my stars. Well, at least most of them – I still had to tell my family about him, and that was pretty much dependant on the Cullen's reaction.
I turned on my heel, and began to make my way further into the park, listening for any unusual sounds, for rustling of leaves, and the cracking of twigs, but nothing I heard was connected to vampire activity. I didn't feel that I was under threat, and my senses were dulled. Right now, I was just a woman walking through the park at night…a woman holding a bag of weapons and with a full heart.
A/N: So, what did you think? Edward's POV is up next, he has a very important conversation to have with his family.
Leave me a review, tell me what you think, show me some love! I need it right now
Until the next chapter,
WhitlocksBoo xx