My Dark Little Secret

by Kkxx

Anastasia Steele is not the girl that everyone thinks she is. She's far from innocent and she's far from sweet. She might have a passion for literature but she also has a passion for lust and pleasure. Will she be able to keep this secret of hers to herself? What will she do when unexpected things happen? (I own nothing)

12. Choose a Safe Word

Hey everyone! The format was messed up! So I've just fixed it! Hope it's all OK now.

I hope you are all well and keeping safe out in the crazy world we live in! It's a long chapter this time! Please enjoy! xx

Chapter 12- APOV

The continuous ringing of my phone inside of my coat pocket has been driving me insane. Another interruption. I wanted to ignore it, but it just wouldn't stop. I curse and take it out stabbing at the red button continuously. I carried on walking towards José apartment, my strides fast and full of purpose. I didn't want to see José but then I didn't exactly have much choice, I was still avoiding Kate's calls and Liv had to choose today of all days to go see a client. I wanted a distraction. My poor heart was still thumping loudly echoing in my ears from the moment I stepped out of Christian Grey's office.

His intentions were very clear.

He wanted me.

But it wasn't going to be on my terms.

My legs were barely holding me up, but I was pushing on. I wanted to be the one in control. That's the only way I get sexually involved with my dates and it suits them just as much as it does me. Christian, on the other hand wasn't going to let me call the shots. How do I gain the control? Even when I thought I could play along with his so-called game I knew he was playing with me; I still felt the control slip through my fingers. Even when I had all the confidence I could master when I was in his office and watched him drool as I neared his desk, I could still feel the power and authority his body was emitting. I knew how dangerous it was, but I couldn't stop myself back then and I don't think I could stop myself if he was standing right here in front of me.

I didn't know how I managed to get to José apartment so fast, it was like I was walking through a fog. In a complete sate of bewilderment, I walked up the stairs and into the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind me. It was then that I let go of the breath that I wasn't even aware I was holding and shut my eyes briefly. I felt some of the tension leave my body but the throb between my legs was only heightening. All I had to do was think about him and I was turn on and the cocky bastard knows the effect he has on me, using it to his advantage every single time. He wasn't playing fair but then he never said he will. But who said I was fair? We really weren't much different from each other.

I threw my coat on the floor and pulled my dress over my head, the red material stark against the cream carpet as it landed on the floor. I was getting too hot I needed to cool off. I clumsily kicked my heels off as I headed for the en- suite bathroom. Every thought entering my fatigued mind was consumed with Christian. I leaned both of my hands against the sink, my hair swinging forwards as my head hangs loose. I didn't have the energy, but I lifted my head up anyway and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

The first thing I notice are my swollen lips that are pinker than usual. I raised my hand allowing my fingers to brush against them. God they were sensitive. I was already getting flashbacks from the kiss. I closed my eyes again and allowed my hands to glide over my already hungry body. I could feel my nipples strain against my black lacy bra as soon as I cupped them. I only just remembered I haven't had release and pleasure in a while. My hunger only increased. My hands became rougher and more determined then seconds before. I allowed my eyes to open gradually, and I took a few steps back until my overheated back touched the bathroom door.

My hands became his as they gently stroked down my stomach. A soft moan pushed its way past my already parted lips. Not being in the least bit satisfied I moved faster towards where I wanted his touch the most. I didn't hesitate and so I pushed my black lacy knickers down and nearly lost my balance as I yanked them down my legs. Christian would be rougher which spurs my movements and I started to become impatient. I gasped as I brushed my hand over my pubic hair and as soon as I stroked my saturated folds my teeth disappeared into my bottom lip. I kept my eyes firmly on the mirror and I watched as my hand started to rub slow circles over my clit. My hips started to move slightly to match the rhythm I was creating.

It felt so good.

I bid my hand to rub faster. I want to come. I need release and it shouldn't be long it never takes me long. My breathing becomes erratic and I felt myself blush. I push my body further into the door, my bare feet slipping on the white tiles on the floor. Sweat starts to cover my body and my hand speeds up even more making my whole-body sing with pleasure. Despite my efforts I can't seem to get myself over the edge. I'm so close yet not close enough.

Frustration sets in. Christian would use his fingers too. I get even more exasperated and I thrust two fingers into my more than willing entrance.

''Shit.'' I cry out. That's better. Unable to keep my head up, it falls back against the door. I watch as my chest rises and falls rapidly to accommodate faster breaths. ''Come on,'' I whisper through gritted teeth. I pinch my nipple with my free hand willing it to be enough to allow the orgasm to escape the limbo and pulse through my body.

It's not enough. What on earth is wrong with me! I have brought my body pleasure countless of times before and now what! I stop my movements and watch in the mirror as my limp body slides down the door. Any traces of a pending orgasm stop, and I am once again left needy and angry. Just like I was in Christian's office. Even when he is not here, he seems to have some strong hold over my body. It knows what it wants and its pushing me to go to him.

I laugh, a nervous laugh. Can't quite believe that I am allowing him to command my thoughts. But I feel defeated, it's as if my body knows that it's not enough for me to give it pleasure and it wants only Christian. Ludicrous.

''Ana!'' I hear my name being shouted. José. ''Come here, I got great news! We need to celebrate!'' he sings.

Hearing my best friend should sooth me, but it doesn't. I don't know why but it just makes me feel uneasy. My already drained head and body are shouting in protest preventing me from moving anywhere. I stay exactly where I am, not moving an inch. I give in slightly to my body's demand. I just don't have the energy. I am so worn-out.

''Ana! I know you are home.'' He laughs. ''No hiding from me sweetheart.'' His playful tone loud and clear. It'll only be a matter of minutes before he'll start banging on my bedroom door so it's pointless for me to sit here and ignore him.

I pick up my knickers and stand. I need to stop being in this depressed state of mind and try to gather myself together. Damn you, Christian! At the end of the day it was all his fault. My head was pounding and was feeling like mush now, unable to process anything. I needed to let José know that I was here before he storms into my room and demands answers.

''Yeah! I'm here! Just give me a minute and I'll meet you in the kitchen!'' I need a few minutes to collect myself before I was going to face him.

His reply is instant. ''Don't be long,''

I sigh in relief. Allowing the stiffness to ease off. I brushed my hair away from my face and over my shoulders, so it didn't get in the way and I opened the bathroom door. My eyes locked onto my messy and unmade bed. Really? I didn't even have time to make my bed today. He was consuming me completely and he was doing it without even trying. Did it scare me? Yes. Was I going to run? God no. My arms hung loosely at my sides as I stared at the mess in front of me. Was this me giving up? It sure as hell felt like it.

I walked over and picked up my bag that I dropped on the way into my room. I started rummaging through the mess that was occupying my handbag. Nothing seemed to be where it ought to be, where is my phone? I felt unorganised and infuriated. I just wasn't myself.

After a few minutes or so I managed to locate my phone and I wasn't, not even at least surprised, when I saw two missed calls from Christian. I've only left his office like an hour ago. I ignore them and clear my call history before throwing the phone on my bedside table. I was mentally kicking myself, I had to get my life under control before I was going to get completely wrecked. I needed to get some of the old, Ana, back. I ordered my legs to lift me of the floor and towards my bed where I made sure to get rid of every crease and fold as I was making my bed. It was perfect in no time.

I walked towards my scrunched up red dress on the floor and picked it up. This dress made me feel beautiful and confident when José gave it to me. I loved it and I still liked it and I wasn't going to allow a moment of weakness in Christian's office to make me hate this dress. It should make me feel empowered instead, after all it did grab Christian's attention. I strolled towards my laundry basket and carefully placed the dress in it. I would wear it again especially around Christian. I giggled I was determined to make myself as desirable as I possibly could. But that will have to wait I had to meet José in the kitchen and appear cool and collected. I opted for wearing an oversized grey hoodie and leggings, I wanted comfort.

I covered my yawn with my hand as I entered the kitchen. José was sitting on the cream leather sofa with a glass of whiskey in his hand. He threw me his killer smile. This had to be good, whatever the news he was planning on sharing with me were. ''Trust me this is not boring news, so stop the yawning.''

I flopped onto the sofa next to him, ''Shall I pour myself a drink and join you?''

''You might have to after you hear this,'' he tipped back the rest of his drink and swallowed before continuing. ''I got the contract signed,''

''With…''

''So, I was in a middle of doing a photoshoot for Dolce & Gabbana… you know that job that I managed to land last month, right?'' I nodded. ''Well, it was for them. It was just a little something that I decided to do before I was going to land a long-term contract with someone but obviously that has not been working out so far. I was going to agree and do more photoshoots for Dolce & Gabbana but before I got to sign some papers my phone rang. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw the caller ID. I had to excuse myself to answer the call. There was no way I was going to let it go to voice mail, it had to be important if the main guy himself was calling.'' He shook his head, ''I still honestly cannot believe what happened,''

I couldn't sit still any longer, the excitement was building. I grabbed José hand tightly. ''Come on, tell me! Stop stalling,''

His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled wide, ''Christian fucking Grey called me. The guy himself.'' I sucked in a long breath. What? ''Yes! Him. He gave me the job. Can you believe it? After giving us a straightforward refusal at the meeting he seemed to have changed his mind.''

José stood up and started walking towards the kitchen with his empty glass. He picked up the abandoned bottle of whiskey from the countertop and poured himself another drink once he placed his glass down. ''I don't know what's changed his mind but whatever it was I am so glad that it has. This contract is going to open so many doors, after all, he is the centre of attention of the media at the moment and soon my name will be right next to his. My phone will start ringing straight away demanding for a chance to work with me.'' He smiled wider before lifting his drink to his lips. ''This is the best news I've had in a while. So, what do you think? Shall we go out and celebrate or shall I just pour you a drink and we can celebrate here while I'll cook us some food?'' He asks and disregards his empty glass in the sink. ''Ana? You okay,''

I was looking at José, but I couldn't get my lips to cooperate with my brain's instructions, they were simple orders, but I just couldn't form a word or show any form of emotion. I sat there, lifeless, and completely speechless. The words were whirling around in my head 'He gave me the job.' It was what I wanted all along but now that it's become a reality, I didn't know how to react to it all. Why has Christian done this? I haven't agreed to the deal that he had on the table. I wasn't going to be his submissive so why has he gone through with his end of the deal. Don't get me wrong I was pleased for José, but I was more confused. It felt like I was starting to suffocate I had to force myself to take a breath before I was going to pass out in front of José.

I felt the sofa dip, José must have sat down next to me again, but my brain didn't even register that he moved from the kitchen in the first place. I was in shock; utter shock and I didn't know what to tell José. I knew the questioning was going to start soon and I had to give him some form of an explanation as to why I was looking at him as if I've just seen a ghost when he was sharing his 'good news' with me. Was I going to tell him the truth? God no, I brushed the thought under the rug. I couldn't. He couldn't know that the reason why Grey changed his mind was because of me. On second thought I didn't even know why he changed his mind myself. It might not even be because of me. I didn't know and that's what the problem was, I hated to be in the unknown and I seemed to be always in it whenever Grey's name was mentioned.

José hand took hold of my clasped hands in my lap. I looked down and noticed how tightly I gripped them. I released them immediately and finally looked at José.

His eyes were searching my face, trying to decipher what was going on in my mind. Good luck José, I didn't even know what was going on in my head myself. ''What's going on?''

''I'm good. How about we stay in and celebrate here? I'll pour myself a glass of that whiskey and join you.'' I brushed of his concern. I had to do that at least until I knew what was going on and to do that, I had to face Christian yet again.

I got up and made my way towards the kitchen and the whiskey I realised I needed more than anything at this moment. ''You want another?'' I asked as I opened the cupboard to get myself a glass.

''I'm fine for now, I've already had two. Are you going to just ignore me?'' He murmured.

I gripped the bottle of the whiskey tight before I unscrewed the lid. ''I'm not ignoring you; I've simply said that I'm good. Nothing to worry about. I'm just astounded, and I am very happy for you. We for sure could use with good news around here,''

''You're not being yourself and you seem to be closing yourself off even to me. I thought that you shared everything with me, I guess I was mistaken.''

My hands shook when I was pouring myself a drink, spilling some of it on the countertop. ''José that's not the case at all. You know that I trust you and I've shared more with you then I had with anyone else in my life,''

''Ok, I am sorry that was harsh for me to say but remember, Ana, I am always here to listen, you know, that right?''

I forced myself to look at him. I was grateful for the physical distance between us right now. I knew for a fact that if he was to even take a step towards me right now, I wouldn't be able to hold the tears back. I breathed out a quivering breath before I spoke again. I had to give him something before I was going to lose this friendship in the same way as I lost my friendship with Kate. ''I am still thinking about Kate,'' It wasn't a lie, it was the truth, I was. I didn't want to mention anything about Christian, I wasn't strong enough for that just yet.

His features on his face seem to have softened. ''Want to talk about it?''

''There isn't much to say. I am still ignoring her calls. I guess I just don't know what to say to her.'' I dropped my gaze and placed both hands on the countertop.

''She's your best friend the words will naturally flow. But you must answer the phone. You guys can work through this, it's just a hiccup every friendship has that.''

''It's more then just a hiccup, I don't know whether we can ever go back,''

''What do you mean?''

''I mean that we cannot go back to how our friendship was like before this… situation,''

''Ana, friendships don't always stay the same… sometimes the dynamics change… but that's not necessarily a bad thing. This might actually bring you guys closer together. I know you've been keeping, Kate, at an arm's length for a long time. Maybe it's time to change that and allow her to be there for you which I am more then certain is what she wants. I know, Kate, she loves you and she is calling you and that is her way of reaching out to you and I think you should at least try and meet her half way.''

I looked away and then back again at him. ''It's not that easy for me to share, José.''

''Baby, I know. Remember the hardest part is for you to start speaking but once you do it will flow naturally.'' He offered a reassuring smile.

''Thank you, I honestly don't know what I would do without you,'' I pouted.

''You don't have to reach out to, Kate, right this second but promise me that you'll at least give it a chance,''

I nodded, ''Okay, I'll promise.'' Maybe I could do this and fix this friendship. If I fail, I'll at least know that I have given it my all and put all my effort in.

''Good. Now, tell me what you want me to cook for us?'' He grinned.

I could breathe again, interrogation over. ''Spaghetti Bolognese.'' At least that question was an easy one to answer.

He chuckled. ''My pleasure, anything for my, Princess.''

I joined in on the laughter, ''If you could hurry this along, Prince, that would be greatly appreciated,''

''Of course, Your Highness,'' He stood up and bowed at the waist.

I snorted, ''You have impeccable manners, Prince,''

He lifted his head and smirked, ''Always,''

The evening came round quickly, and José has out done himself, his cooking was always the best. Conversation flowed naturally and I could relax even if it was for a little while. The thought alone that I had to see Christian was making my stomach turn but I kept forcing myself to forget about it. We spoke about our holiday that was coming up, we had two more months before we were going to be sunbathing, drinking, laughing, and dancing in the Caribbean Islands. It was a holiday of a lifetime and I honestly could not wait for it. Just me and José finally having a break from reality. Well it was mostly me that needed that holiday. The flights and the hotel were all paid for and all I had to do was go shopping and buy myself more bikinis. I was already excited about it, I loved shopping especially when it came to swimwear. Me and Liv already arranged to go this coming weekend, after all we both had the weekend off.

''I'll wash up.'' I offered when I stood up from the sofa and picked up our empty glasses, ''You cooked, and so its only fair if I clean up.''

''Thanks. I'll at least help you gather everything and put it in the sink for you.'' José placed his plate on top of mine and stood, following me into the kitchen with our plates. ''I'm nervous you know,''

I opened the tap, allowing the warm water to fill the sink. I added washing up liquid and placed the glasses in the sink before facing him. ''What do you mean?''

He stroked the back of his head with his free hand. ''I can't seem to read him at all. Grey, I mean. He just puts me on edge. I never know what to expect whenever I have a conversation with him. But I guess that's what makes him so good at what he does, he always takes his competitors by surprise. Doing something that no one has done before,'' He sighed.

I took the plates from his hand and placed them in the now bubbling water. I turned the water off and picked up a sponge. ''He really is that good?''

''Do you read or listen to anything on the news?''

I frowned at the sink, ''I guess not,''

''Well let me fill you in, he is basically a mastermind in the business world. He owns several companies and he is already thinking about purchasing SIP, which is a publishing company, I guess he wants to get into publishing too. He owns clubs, restaurants, you name it, all over. He's rich, Ana, but not because he was born into it. He's made a name for himself, he's a perfectionist and that is what makes him so good. He looks at his staff and sees their strengths and uses them to his advantage and his people truly love working for him. Not just for the pay before you ask. They admire and respect him. That's only the surface, if you truly read further, you'll find out more yourself,''

I've finished washing up by the time he finished. All I had left was to dry the dishes. ''I didn't know that,''

''Were you born yesterday, sweetheart? This is all that's on the news lately. Especially after he made a huge donation to a charity that his father and mother started, Coping together. Not only is everyone impressed by his excellence in the business world but also about the fact that he genuinely cares and seems to want to fix the world,''

I picked up a hand towel from the countertop and started drying the plates, ''Fix the world?''

''It seems that you honestly don't know anything,''

''Just tell me,'' I glared at him.

His light laugh filled the kitchen, ''Okay, I'll enlighten you. Someone's got to do it. So, the charity Coping together is a charity that Carrick Grey and Dr Grace Trevelyan Grey started as soon as they adopted, Christian,'' My movements stilled momentarily. He was adopted? ''It's for victims of abuse and neglect. Carrick and Grace both have big hearts and they want to help, and this charity is in place for that reason. To help people who have suffered, whatever that may be, it makes them realise that they are not alone. Obviously, I don't know the full story, all I know is what the media decides is worthy for us to read. It clearly rubbed off on, Christian. I mean the kindness from Carrick and Grace. He donates a lot of money to charities responsible for helping the homeless, disadvantaged people and people in poor third world countries. This is what I mean when I say he tries to… fix the world. Others say its too late to fix anything, but Christian proves them wrong time and time again. He really is one of the good ones,''

I was completely cob smacked. I didn't know any of that about Christian and all I had to do was pay attention to the news. He was something else entirely. The man beneath the hard exterior was gentle, kind and most importantly understanding. I truly didn't know anything about him that was clearer than ever before. He surprised me at every turn, and I was never prepared for it and this is why I kept running. I was not only running from the fact that he new my secret and that he could destroy me if he so wished, I was running because I craved him and the fact that he was a complete stranger to me still.

Trust no one.

My mother's voice filled my head then. She drilled that rule into my head as soon as I was old enough to understand. Even in her most drunken state she kept repeating to me that the world is a cruel dark place and that I had to look after myself. She was right in a way, the world was a dark and cruel place but there were people out there that helped, right? I looked at José after I placed the glasses in the cupboard.

''I honestly didn't know any of that about, Christian.''

José nodded, ''Well now you know. I am happy I get a chance to work with him I'll be able to witness first-hand how he works,''

''You're not the only one that is gaining. You are incredibly talented yourself and this is what he is gaining.'' I winked at him.

''It warms my heart that you think so highly of me,''

''And I'm not the only one,''

''I hope so sweetheart,'' José walked over to me and kissed me on the forehead. ''I'm going to go to bed. I have a meeting to prepare for tomorrow and by Monday I'm going to try and blow him away.''

I smiled up at him. ''You will. Never doubt yourself. You can do a practice run with me on Sunday.'' I offered to try and make him feel less nervous.

''I'd like that,''

After saying goodnight to José and finishing clearing up the kitchen, I finally made my way to my room. It was ten to twelve. God, I didn't realise it was that late. I was tired and crawling under the bed sheets sounded like the best thing on earth right now. I stopped myself though, I still needed to get my clothes ready for tomorrow. I needed a killer outfit as I was going to see, Christian. I needed him to explain what changed his mind about José. Maybe it was nothing to do with me but I needed to hear the words from him so I could finally put my mind at ease and so I could stop feeling as if I owed him something in return. I selected a navy-blue dress another one of José's gifts, he was truly spoiling me. It had a low neckline, but I knew it would make my assets look good, it was figure hugging at the top and flowed out from the hips, finishing just above the knee. Perfect. I would fit right in at Grey Enterprise Inc. To compliment the dress, I choose my simple back heeled pumps. I was ready, at least my outfit would make me look as if I was ready to concur anything thrown my way.

I heard José alarm at seven in the morning, but I ignored it and rolled over to the other side of the bed. I would stay in bed just a little longer, well at least till José left the apartment. I didn't want him questioning where I was going. I know that I could have just lied and said I was going to see a client at Heathman but I didn't want to lie to him. It was easier to just avoid him and do what I needed to do without having him leaning over my shoulder at every step of the way.

The front door slammed shut. That was my cue. Let's get this show on the road.

The sun was shining bright which was a pleasant surprise as the weather forecast predicted rain for the remainder of the day. Nonetheless, I was happy. I practically skipped out the front door and inhaled the fresh morning air. I was in a good mood regardless of the fact that I was going to face, Mr Impossible in about half an hour. I felt empowered and weirdly comfortable. I don't know whether that was because I felt good in what I was wearing or the fact that I wasn't scared of Christian as much after mine and José's conversation last night.

I had to proceed with caution, after all even José said he was unpredictable.

Exactly half an hour later I parked my Audi outside the Grey building. Five minutes after that I was standing in front of Miss Blonde number one, who was drinking what I assume must be a cup of tea or coffee. I stood with confidence, my shoulders back and with my chin up. I felt ready to drill him for answers. The blonde placed her cup down and looked up at me.

''Miss? Can I help you?'' Faultless manners as always.

I gave her a small smile, ''I'm here to see, Mr Grey,''

She blinked twice before speaking again. ''I wasn't aware that, Mr Grey, has an appointment this morning,''

''He does now,''

I could see that she was forcing herself to stop frowning. ''What's your name, Miss?''

''Anastasia Steele,''

''Let me see if I can find you on the system,'' She looked at her computer and started typing.

I knew she wasn't going to find me anywhere in that system of hers. I just needed to distract her so I could make my way to, Christian's office. She didn't mention anything about him being out of the office, so I knew he was available. Well I didn't know whether he had a spare five minutes, but he would make time for me.

''I can't seem to find you on here,'' She wasn't able to stop the frown this time. ''Do you mind waiting down here and I'll go find out if the system has not been updated so we can clear this up. You don't mind, do you?''

''Not at all,'' I replied. It was exactly what I wanted in fact. I needed her to leave.

''What time is your appointment, Ms Steele?''

''Nine, exactly.''

''I won't be long,'' She got up from the chair and started walking towards the lifts.

Take all the time you need.

When the doors to the elevator closed and she disappeared, I made my move. The lobby was quiet, only a few people were exiting and arriving at the building. I was appreciative of my professional attire as I managed to blend right in. Not drawing any attention to myself at all, I could be an FBI agent if I wanted to be. I was clearly an expert at being invisible. Watch out Mr Grey.

I made my way to the elevator, taking the one that Miss Blonde didn't take. I needed to avoid her if I was to make it to, Christian's office. I knew where I was going so this shouldn't be too hard, I would be in and out before she even realises that I invited myself into this building. I selected the twenty fifth floor and the elevator doors closed in seconds. It didn't take long for the elevator to reach my destination as my ride up wasn't interrupted by anyone.

Good, nearly there.

I stepped out into yet another lobby and made my way to the door at the end of the corridor. I was so focused on making it to that door I completely by-passed Miss Blonde number two.

''Miss?''

''I won't be long,'' I replied over my shoulder as I carried on walking.

''But, Miss, you cannot go in there. I haven't got informed that anyone was coming up to see, Mr Grey.'' She argued and she was only a step behind me.

I ignored her and opened the door without even knocking.

''I'm so sorry Mr Grey, I tried to stop her. I don't even know who she is, Sir,''

''No need to worry, Amanda, I can make time for Miss Steele,'' His even and deep tone made me clamp my lips in a straight line. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, too late for double guessing myself now.

''Very well, Sir, I'll leave you both to it,'' Miss Bl- Amanda I corrected in my head, closed the door behind her as she left the office.

''Anastasia, what a pleasant surprise,'' He broke the silence first. Just like last time I was in this office, he sat in his black leather chair. His fingers were lightly tapping the surface of his dust free desk, was there anything in his office that wasn't spotless? I doubt it.

I cleared my throat and cut right to the chase, ''What's changed your mind?''

''Going right in there with the big question?''

I bit the inside of my cheek. Hard. Anything to keep myself grounded. ''Yes, I want to know.''

''No, what you want to know is where that leaves you,''

I felt my shoulder slump. ''What do you mean?''

''Well you've came here because I signed José and you want to know whether that's because of you,'' He leaned back in his chair, the leather squeaked slightly.

How the hell did he do that mind reading thing? ''Did you? Change your mind because of me?''

He remained silent for a few long moments. His eyes are dancing with mischief. Oh god. How much I love it when he's being playful… but this is not what I came here for.

''We aren't playing, Christian.'' I spit at him. Wiping away that spark in his eyes. ''Just because you've held to your end of the deal doesn't mean anything, I am not your… submissive,''

''Not yet,'' He lifts his brows.

My head was tender. He was poking a nerve and he knew it, but he did not care, not even an inch. I forgot how self-absorbed he was sometimes. ''If you say so,'' I brush an invisible strand of linen of my navy-blue dress, trying to look as uninterested as I possibly could.

''Oh, Anastasia you do know how to push me,'' he hums. There's no sign of the usual annoyance that I always hear when I'm not being forthcoming. ''You just want to hear me say it, don't you?''

''Hear you say what exactly?'' I flick my hair over my shoulders.

''I want you to be mine,'' There was no stopping the violent shiver I felt rush down me. I could only swallow and stand still. ''It really is that simple,'' He stood up and buttoned up his suit. It's then that I allowed my eyes to feast on the sight before them. He wore a dark grey three-piece suite, a crisp white shirt and he finished off the look with a black tie which was knotted neatly into a double Windsor knot over his chest.

''You haven't gone running out of my office, Anastasia. That speaks for itself really,'' He continues as he rounds his desk and takes the two steps to close the gap between us. ''Let me show you,'' His hand lifted and brushed against my cheek and his thumb stroked over my bottom lip. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch without even thinking about it. It felt so natural. ''Hmm… I want to kiss you right now.'' He whispered.

My eyes flew to his and then to his lips.

''But not yet,''

I visibly sagged. Who was I fooling? I wanted to be his. Who wouldn't?

He chuckled. ''First I want to show you how well you can follow my lead.''

I clenched down on my teeth until it got painful. I wasn't so sure I would. After all I've always had the upper hand.

''Sit down on top of my desk,'' He said softly.

It was a simple instruction but both of us knew that if I followed through on it, I would have given him the answer. I would be his and I would seal the deal once and for all. My mind was running a million miles an hour. Could I do this? Could I be his?

''Don't overthink this,'' I could just about hear his voice in the thick fog that was clouding my mind.

I nodded. Maybe he was right. Maybe I could do this. Even though I haven't known this man for long… I somehow trusted him. It was utterly crazy. I was no longer treading water…I was pulled right under already and what was even more crazy was that my dark side was very pleased about it.

''Anastasia, sit on top of my desk,'' He repeated, ''If you don't follow through, you know where the door is. I am not keeping you here,'' My eyes, glided over his fine physic. ''It is your choice.''

''But I won't see you again,'' I said the thought out loud.

''No,'' he murmured.

The thought of that alone brought physical pain to me. It was ridiculous but true. I ordered my legs to move towards Christian's desk and I could swear I saw satisfaction flash briefly over his face. But when I looked again, it was gone.

I reached the desk and hoped on top of it. Already picturing him spreading my legs and giving me undeniable amount of pleasure. Curious eyes looked up. I was no longer doubting whether I could do this so called, agreement with him all that mattered was, what he would do to me on this desk. Will he go down on me? Will he just use his fingers? Or will he go straight to penetration? The possibilities were endless, but all would result in one thing only… pleasure. My body was starting to come back alive… heat entered every part of me. I could feel myself soften, ready to take him inside of me. Maybe he will ask me to take him into my mouth? Hmmm… he would taste delicious I just knew it.

''You know what this means?'' He smirked in my direction. He hasn't bothered to close the gap that felt bigger than ever, between us.

''That you're going to finally fuck me,''

He threw his head back and laughed. What's so funny? I thought the whole point of me sitting on this desk would be for him to have his way with me. ''You do realise that you are not calling the shots.''

I rolled my eyes, ''Oh come on. We both know what's going to happen.''

He chuckled. ''What's that then?''

''Well you're going to come here, push my dress around my waist, rip my underwear off. Then give us what we both want.'' I shrugged.

''You really don't understand do you,'' he smiled. ''I have a lot of teaching I need to get done,''

I hoped off of the desk. ''Christian, I already know how to have sex,'' I know everything there is to know. All the techniques and all the tricks. There is nothing more that he could possibly teach me.

He ignored me, ''Did I tell you to get off that desk?''

I rolled my eyes again, ''Well, no.''

''Don't roll your eyes either, that's rude.'' He pushed himself off of the wall and started to walk towards me. As if he was a panther stalking its prey. ''You are mine and you will follow my instruction.'' Authority lined his words.

I hoped onto his desk again.

''Good.''

He only stopped when he was in-between my legs. ''Think I need to spell this all out for you,''

I opened my mouth to protest but he shook his head. ''One… we do things my way. Get used to it. Two, you don't roll your eyes at me. Thre-''

''What happens if I do? It's just something that I do all the time.'' I giggle.

''Stop interrupting me and maybe you'll find out,''

''Bu-'' He stopped my protest with a wet kiss behind my ear which was followed with a lick. It made me shudder.

''See how easily you let yourself feel… you actually kept quiet for once.'' I could feel his warm breath on my neck causing hair to rise across my back.

I pulled away and leaned back on my hands. Smirking I said. ''Hmm I'm never quiet.''

He came even closer to me; we were nose to nose. All I had to do is lean towards him and my lips would be on his, but that would just be giving in. And what's the fun in that? ''Come on you can't say no to this,'' I wiggled my eyebrows and pulled my legs apart. I wanted to tempt him so he would lose his so called, control and finally do me. That was the plan anyway. This is the only way I could get the upper hand. He would finally break, what guy didn't when he had a willing woman with her legs wide open in front of them.

A knowing smile chased away his frown. ''Oh, my sweet girl wants me to give her some attention.''

I closed my legs. I didn't like his emphases on the 'my.' My dominant side was still there at the surface and she wasn't so willing to give into his charm. She was still going to fight him for control at every step of the way, whether he liked it or not. I was more than certain that he would hate it. He was too dominant to back down but then that dominant side of mine wasn't going to back down without a fight. The thrill of the game had the adrenaline pulsing through my veins, the flight or fight response, and I was certain I was going to fight.

''You are mine… I can finally say it.'' His lips curled into a feline smile.

I laughed at him. He just didn't get it. Yes, I was sitting on his desk and yes, maybe I wanted him to fuck me, but I wasn't going to let him own me. I clamped my legs tighter together.

I could almost hear his mind ticking over, I am sure he didn't miss that subtle sign. ''And what do you think you're doing?'' He looked down at my now closed legs. His hands moved and he placed each of them on my thighs, opening them again. I batted his hands away.

''Does that trick work for you all the time?'' I crossed my arms over my chest but that only pushed my boobs together, giving him something else to drawl about.

''What trick?'' he acted innocently, like he had no idea what I was talking about. We both knew that I knew his game… but did he give a shit… of course not. He brushed his finger over the outside of my left thigh and then he moved to do the same movement on the inside of my other thigh. I tried I really did but my grip on my thighs loosened a bit. ''Hmm… I just have to teach you a different way,''

I rolled my eyes. The need to have him was driving me insane. I wanted to push his hand in between my legs where I ached so badly to have his touch. At the moment, it just seemed like he was all talk and no action.

He caught me off guard when he confidently cupped me. The only thing between him and my aching core was my thin lacy thong. Why did I wear underwear?! Why? If it wasn't for that he would already be touching me. I moved my pelvis towards his hand, but it didn't instigate any movement. What the hell was he playing at? I did the movement again but this time a strong grip from his other hand tightened around my waist. Stopping my movement completely.

''Come on…'' I moaned against his mouth. ''Just fuck me!''

A low rumble escaped past his lips. ''Why did you close your legs?'' he licked then bit his bottom lip. I longed to have that mouth over my pussy. I needed it there. ''It happened as soon as I said you were mine. I can't believe you are still fighting me angel.'' He shook his head in disbelief. ''Well you are mine.''

''No, I'm not.'' I managed to squeeze the words out. My dominant side approved of my response.

He clicked his tongue. ''I thought by you listening and following through by sitting on top of my desk was your way of saying… yes,'' I tried to swallow but my throat felt too dry, anxiety and doubt rising. ''I need you to say the words. That way when you say them aloud me and you will then know whether you actually want this.''

''I do want this… I mean… I'' I kept tripping. ''I mean that I…''

He met my confused gaze with his intense one. ''You need to be sure. I have a contract ready for you to read and sign. All the rules and expectations are written out in full. These rules need to be followed as this is what I expect from my submissive if you don't you will be punished accordingly. I have also included a section of expectations what I, as your dominant, will respect and follow to meet all your needs. There is also a list of hard limits that I want you to fill out and give to me so that I can see what exactly you are not willing to do. After all we all have limits. I know this is a lot of information thrown at you all at once and I am not expecting you to remember this all which is why I have written this all out in the contract. I want you to read it and come to me with any worries, concerns, or any changes you wish to discuss with me. Do you understand?''

I nodded but my eyes were darting all over his face as if trying to take all the information he just said in at once.

''I need words, we need trust and very good communication between ourselves for this to work.,''

''Yes,''

He frowned, ''Yes, what?''

I met his frown with one of mine, ''What else do you want me to say?''

He sighed deeply, ''You will address me as, Sir, or Master. Is that clear?''

''I haven't signed anything yet have I? So, I guess I don't have to address you by anything, Sir, '' Sarcasm laced my words.

Christian smiled, straightened and looked down at me, ''Do you want a taster session?''

''A taster session?''

''Well we can do a small scene in this office so you can have a slight insight of what our agreement will be like,''

Fuck it.

''Yes,''

His smile reached his eyes this time. ''Good, but just so you know you'll have to follow my rules.''

''Which are?'' I resisted the urge of rolling my eyes at him.

''Rule number one, you'll do exactly as I say. Rule number two, if you are agreeing to do this taster session you are also agreeing to stop fighting me. Rule number three, you will address me as Sir or Master. Is that clear?''

''Crystal, Sir.'' I said through gritted teeth.

He chuckled. ''We'll definitely have to work on that sounding more polite,''

''Shall we get on with it then, not like we have all day,''

''My pace,''

''Of course,'' I plastered on a fake smile.

He seemed to ignore my tone when he spoke again, ''Choose a safe word. We can go with the traditional colours. Red, means stop, yellow means slow down and green means that you have no objections. Now tell me, do you want to stick to the colours? Or use something else,''

''The colours are fine, and now will you finally touch me?''

''Oh, angel you don't learn quick, do you? Well you'll have to learn the hard way instead.''

''And wh-'' he shut me up when his fingers slid under my dress and ripped away the thin material of my underwear. He cupped me again, his fingers sliding effortlessly over my saturated folds causing an unexpected moan to push its way past my lips.

''There we go. Now should we start the serious talk?'' I moaned again when one of his fingers pushed its way in whereas his thumb was circling my clit ever so slowly.

''I can't… you can't…'' I hummed my approval. Oh my, those hands were genius. I tried I really did to keep my eyes open but all I could do is throw my head back.

''Don't deprive me of your eyes. I need to see you while my fingers are deep inside of you.'' He breathed down my neck gently. I could barely hear him all I was thinking about was that I was going to have a devastating orgasm ripping through me any minute now. He defiantly wasn't just all talk. He was too good.

I moaned louder when he added another finger. All I could do was accept the pleasure he was giving me. It might not have been what I've craved for the most, but I was going to accept anything he was willing to give at this point.

His fingers curled upwards hitting that sweet spot. I tremored and clenched around him which only intensified my pleasure. He was a God.

''Yes…just like that…'' I moaned in between each word. I was never loud in the bedroom but then again, I've never had these talented fingers work me.

''Anastasia, your eyes are still closed.'' He kissed my exposed neck. That was always my weak spot. My hands lost grip of his desk and flew up to touch his face.

His fingers stilled and he pulled back. What!

''Why are you stopping?'' I finally opened my eyes and instead of being met with lust filled gaze of his. I saw a scowl. ''What now?'' I raised my eyebrows.

''You know what. Your eyes remained shut.'' He was still scowling.

''What does that matter?!'' You could hear the annoyance in my voice. I wasn't mad I was frustrated. It's been ages since I've received some attention and now that I was finally getting some, he was stalling. His fingers were unmoving, but he was still deep inside of me.

He turned my chin with his free hand, so I was looking at him again. ''Let me explain something… when I tell you to do something… you do it.''

''Bu-'' He cut me off when he moved those gorgeous fingers of his. ''See now you can stay quiet.'' He clicked his tongue.

I parted my lips to give him a taste of how frustrated I was, but he shook his head. ''No, baby, no talking. Only listening.'' His fingers moved in and out of me. ''You are so responsive and so wet.''

''Yes...'' I hummed and parted my legs wide.

''I said quiet,''

''I can't be quiet when you're touching me!'' I complained.

He smiled but it was a satisfied smile. ''Oh, so you like it when my hands are touching you?''

Yes! But was I going to fuel his cockiness? Hell no!

His thumb was rubbing over my clit faster this time. He didn't stop curling his fingers either… hitting that sweet spot every time his fingers re-entered me. I was climbing higher. I just needed one more flick from his thumb and I was going to go over the edge. I could feel myself tighten around him; I was basically there. Just a little more…

Then he withdrew from me completely. My pending orgasm laid in limbo.

''No!'' I was shaking my head from side to side. I needed to have an orgasm. After my failed attempted earlier today I was even more ready for it. ''What are you doing?''

He smirked. ''What? Did you want to come?''

I clenched my jaw. He was a bastard! ''Fuck you. I can just get myself off then.'' My fingers dove down but before I had a chance to even get past my breast, he ceased my hands and put both of them behind my back with one hand. The guy moved fast.

''I'm the only one that will be responsible for your pleasure from now on.'' He was the one clenching his jaw this time. Was I annoying him? I hope so.

I bit my lip which only made him clench that jaw harder. ''Don't be ridiculous,'' I had a job after all, and he knows damn well about it.

His lips were set in a thin line, his gaze sharp, he looked lethal as if he was daring me to push him. I felt myself go ridged. ''Angel… you are mine… you are only getting pleasure from me and no one else. You can't touch yourself and you defiantly cannot see other men,'' his voice grew harsher by every passing second. He couldn't be serious?! I had dates schedules all for next few weeks that I was planning on seeing through… just like I always did. Not being able to touch myself? Now that's just stupid of course I was going to! And besides he would never know whether I did or not? Surely? ''I've already cancelled your dates.''

My lips parted, ''Are you fucking serious!'' I wiggled my hands, I wanted him off of me. ''Let go of me,'' I growled when his grip only tightened. I started fidgeting and trying to hop of the desk but there was no chance in hell I was going to move his big and hard body. His grin only confirmed what I already knew, he was enjoying me not being able to move.

''We need to work on that language too,'' he seemed to have completely ignored my outburst, as if it never happened.

''We are not going to work on anything. Now…fuck…. off…'' I smiled sweetly up at him. ''I am going to rearrange those dates and carry on doing my job. I can easily find someone to get me o-''

He squeezed my thigh, a warning. ''Have you completely forgotten what I said to you?''

I look up at the ceiling, pretending to think, ''The part that you told me that I cannot see other guys or the part where you said that I cannot touch myself? Yeah, I heard both of those things, but I am choosing to ignore them both.'' I tilted my head to the side. Come on, Grey, what do you say to that?

''Right that's it,'' I just about managed to frown before he was on top of me. He had my hands pinned above my head with one hand and his other hand opened his desk draw. What on earth is he doing?

''Get off me.'' I closed my legs and crossed them at the ankles. He was not going to use his talented fingers again just to give me a finger tease.

He doesn't say anything. All he is doing is rummaging through his draw looking for whatever he is looking for. I tried to flex my hands in his grip whenever I felt him loosen the hold, but every time I did, I got a warning scowl thrown my way.

''I don't want you… I want to leave,'' I so don't want to leave but I just love annoying him.

He still doesn't say anything.

''Christian?'' my smirk vanishes and is replaced by that frown again.

He finally finds what he's been looking as a dark gleam in his eyes greets me when he looked down at me. ''What are you doing?'' I nervously ask.

Before I am about to shout and demand answers, he finally lifts up what he's been looking for. It's a pair of black leather cuffs attached together by a silver chain. I gulp. They were an expensive looking pair not ones that you could get for cheap at your local sex shop.

He beamed, leaned slightly more forward, and placed the cuffs somewhere above my head. ''Do you remember your safe words?''

I nodded.

''Words, baby, I need words remember,'' He was so persistent. Not letting me get away with anything. I didn't know whether that pissed me off or turned me on more.

''Red for everything to stop, yellow for slow down and green for everything is fine,''

His gaze softened. ''Good, now I am going to explain to you what is going to happen. I am going to bind your wrists with the cuffs you've just seen. And once I do, I am going to explain what will happen next. Do you understand?''

''Yes,''

''Yes, what?''

His eyes darkened and I could almost hear his thoughts. He was thinking I was going to defy him. Was I? I wasn't sure at this point. It was as if he had me under some kind of spell, getting me to yield to him.

''Yes, Sir,''

His lips lifted; I only saw approval all over his face. I didn't know why but I liked that look on him. In this exact moment I wanted to please him. ''Good girl,'' His praise caused a warm nice feeling to spread through me allowing me to relax against his hold. ''Safe word? Or shall I continue?''

''Continue…Sir,'' It was weird calling him, Sir, but that dark side of me was starting to like it.

He was reaching for my wrists and before I could utter another word, he attached the leather cuffs to them and closed the buckles shut on each one. He was so quick I didn't even get the chance to move away from him. The spell he had me under, suddenly evaporated and I was ready to fight him again. ''Untie me.'' I demanded, my nostrils flaring. I didn't know why I switched so quickly to being defiant but that feeling of helplessness caused by my tied wrists didn't sit well with me.

''Safe word or stop fighting me,''

I moved my wrists down, but I don't get very far… The other end of the cuffs were attached to something? I twisted my head and attempted to look up and found that the cuffs were indeed attached to a metal hook on the top left side of his desk. Did he have this desk specifically designed to tie women down? I wouldn't put it past him, control freak and all. I felt control slipping away further. I was waiting for the panic to set in but to my surprise it didn't happen. I kept pulling and trying to get myself free, but it was no use I eventually allowed myself to flop my arms down in defeat. It's not like I was feeling uncomfortable, my arms weren't stretched too far and the cuffs themselves were even fur lined.

''Since you haven't used your safe words, let me tell you what is going to happen.'' His voice echoes around his office, making me flinch slightly. ''I am going to tease you until you give me what I want.'' His fingers glided over my arms until he reached the cuffs. He slipped a finger underneath each cuff on my wrists, he was checking how secure and tight they were. Once satisfied he looked at me again. ''Comfortable? Anything too tight?''

I licked my dry lips. ''I'm fine and when you said tease me, what did you mean by that?'' And because I didn't know what he was going to do I felt the nerves battle their way to the surface.

He leaned down, his lips right next to my ear. ''I am going to bring you to the edge of an orgasm, make you think that I am going to let you have it, and just as I'll see that excitement and utter bliss in your eyes I am going to stop.'' I was visibly trembling.

''Then what?'' I dared to ask.

''I am going to do it again and again and again.'' He looked me straight in the eyes just to emphasise that he wasn't playing, not like I thought he was.

''You won't be able to do it,'' I squeeze my legs even tighter together, but he only chuckled which pissed me off.

''You really do underestimate me, angel.''

And because he no longer had to hold my hands above my head, he had both hands to use to open my legs. I was putting up a good fight, but I could feel him getting closer and closer to what he wanted. I didn't know why I was doing this? I wanted him to touch me. I was just too stubborn to take the easy way out and let him control me. Sweat was coating my body and my legs were slipping over each other and he managed to set himself in between my legs.

''NO!'' I shook my head and pulled at my restraints.

''Safe word?'' He asked.

''No,'' I could feel moisture between my legs already. All he had to do was look at me and I would be turned one, ready for him to have his way.

He pinched my nipple through the thin material of my dress and my lacey bra. I yelped. ''Sir!''

''It will soon become second nature for you to address me correctly. We'll work on that if you choose to sign the contract and agree to everything. In the meantime, I am going to remind you to address me appropriately during this scene,'' His hand slid straight down my front and then between my legs. They instinctively wanted to close again but his body prevented that from being a possibility. ''Oh, you are so wet.''

I moaned when he once again entered me. This was heaven. Utter paradise especially when he curved those fingers inside of me. I arched towards him. My body reacting to him automatically. I no longer cared about showing my dominance, all that mattered was that orgasm I could just feel brewing. But it was just like he said he was going to do; he stopped and pulled his fingers out just as I felt myself quicken. He did this again and again and again. I counted eight times before I completely lost count all together.

''Hmm you do have a lot of self-control I am impressed but you won't be able to keep this up for long.'' He was evil… utterly evil. But what's worst is that he was right I knew that I won't be able to keep up with the game for much longer. ''I am not going to stop until you give me what I want,'' His fingers started speeding up. I was hyperaware of every movement his hand made inside of me. So desperate for him to get me off.

''Please,'' I whispered. What! I was begging?

''What was that?'' He grinned down at me. He won. I want that orgasm more than anything. At this point I was going to tell him whatever he wanted just to have what I knew was going to be the best orgasm of my life.

''Please just get me off,'' I hummed. I could feel blood rushing down to the apex of my thighs.

''You know what you have to say to me, angel.'' He kissed my neck and I gasped. He was just too good he knew what buttons to press just to drive me crazy.

''I won't see other guys,'' I spat out. I could feel his smile against my neck. He was a devil in disguise! But I loved the way he worked me.

''And?''

I swallowed. ''I won't touch myself… only you can give me pleasure.''

The further I slipped the more I felt as if I was having an out of body experience. Floating away from here… away from my problems.

He bit my neck lightly before saying ''Good girl. Now I can give you what you want.'' He swung my left leg over his shoulder, causing my bottom to lift up. I panted but before I could say anything more his fingers were back inside of me and this time the movement was more confident and more purposeful. Yes! My body was swaying with pleasure. This orgasm was going to rip me apart and I knew it wouldn't take long especially after being denied so many times. And then there it was. I arched my back and shouted Christian's name as pulsing aftershocks rippled through me. His fingers gradually slowed down to ride me gently down from my high. My breathes escaped my lips in short and rapid gasps as I peeled my eyes open and felt myself come back to reality.

''Don't move. I'll be back in a moment,'' He promised as he pulled away from my heated body. I blinked a few times to allow my eyes to adjust to the bright light around them. I breathed out slowly and felt my heart rate slow, my body was coming back from its high. I felt content and the most relaxed I felt in a long while. I laid against his desk motionless, even if I tried to move, I wouldn't be able to. I still needed a few seconds to allow my head time to stop spinning.

''Good girl,'' I turned my head towards his gentle voice. I loved it when he spoke to me that way. ''I'm going to clean you before I release your hands,''

I blushed. ''I can do that,''

''I was wondering when that blush is going to return and may I remind you that we are not finished the scene yet and so you still have to do as you are told. Unless you want to use your safe word,'' The sparkle in his eyes returned.

''No,''

''No, what?'' he pressed.

''Sir,'' I bit my tongue. I hated how easily I just complied and gave him what he wanted but the longer I thought about it the more I seemed to like it especially when I saw the approval in his eyes.

He ran a warm damp cloth in between my legs, and I gasped slightly. Once satisfied that I was all clean, he reached down and unhooked my hands but before I moved, he massaged them lightly. I hummed as a way of show my appreciation, after all it was really enjoyable. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear before planting a quick peck on the lips and straightening.

He offered his left hand which I took and pulled myself up, so I was on my feet. Christian was right there with me, holding my shoulders as I adjusted to my new position. I felt slightly unsteady which was bizarre as I didn't even sleep with the guy, but my body just felt tingly and off balance. What we shared was far more intense than anything I've ever felt before.

I started to readjust my dress but one look into those grey eyes halted my movements. He didn't even have to speak for my body to react to him the way he wanted it to. He was the one that pulled my dress over my sensitive body and by the time he finished I wanted him to rip it off me completely. The orgasm that he gave me should have stemmed my desire, but it only made me burn for him even more.

''You look absolutely beautiful,'' he said, and I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my lips. ''You were incredible just then, so responsive,''

''That was nice,''

He arched his brow at me ''Just nice?''

''Really nice,'' I ran my tongue over my top lip.

''That was only a taster, angel, you can have more so much more but only if you decide to. At the end of the day you have all the power,'' He leaned down, kissed my cheek and I fought the need to turn my head and kiss him on the lips instead.

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