J

One Year and Eight Months Later

Indio, California—Coachella

"Dad!" I fly out of the cab and run straight into my father's arms. The festival goers around us stop and stare for a few seconds before funneling toward the entrance. "Finally!" I kiss him on the cheek just before he sets me back on my feet.

During my more than two years traveling the world, he only met up with me twice—in Germany a year ago and Ecuador last Christmas. Coachella is my last stop before I go back to Colorado after being gone for over two years.

"I stayed away from the sushi this time."

"Good call." I tuck myself under his arm as we make our way to the entrance.

"Kiddo, we have a lot of catching up to do."

"True."

We hold out our bracelets to be scanned.

"But we'll do that at the hotel later. Right now, it's all about THE MUSIC!" I skip out in front of him and twirl in circles, my bracelets jingling, my hair whipping in the wind.

Dad chuckles. A few girls around us do a double take, but not because of me. My dad with his Marine-sculpted body, red hair, and crooked smile bears an uncanny resemblance to Kevin McKidd, Owen Hunt's character from Grey's Anatomy.

I don't see it, but it's probably true. It's just that a few of my friends binge-watched the show and fell in love with Owen, so I can't let there be a connection. It's just too wrong.

For hours we drift from stage to stage. My dad is rock and roll to the core. He lifts me up on his shoulders, and I feel like his five-year-old daughter again, but at the same time I feel a dull pain from the past—my last time at Coachella and the shoulders that lifted me toward the sky.

I miss those shoulders. I miss everything about Lisa Manoban.

She obliterated my heart with one phone call. It took me a week to leave the hostel. It took me a month to find the strength to tell Juni without breaking down. But I'm certain it will take a lifetime to forget her. Glancing around, I can't help but wonder if she's here, working the lights and sound. Did Jisoo come home to stay with their dad for the weekend, or are Etta and Duke watching over him?

"I'm starving." Dad drinks the rest of his bottled water as we shuffle out of the tent after the last concert of the night.

"Me too. Tacos?"

"Absolutely." He wraps his arm around me.

"Ew … no." I pull away laughing. "You're a saturated sweat rag. Just … no."

We take the shuttle back to the hotel and find the nearest restaurant still open and serving tacos.

"Margarita blended and two chicken hard-shell tacos." I hand the waitress my menu.

Dad gives her his order then shakes his head at me. "Margarita blended. When did my little girl grow up? I can't believe you're old enough to order alcohol. For God's sake, it feels like yesterday that you were OD'ing on fruit punch."

I grin. "That's just an age thing. I'm not sure how grown-up I feel."

"Your mom and Zach spoiled you by funding your little hiatus from real life."

Laughing, I roll my eyes. "Real life? I'm not even sure what that is anymore."

"So what now, Jennie? What are your plans?"

"Well, I met a woman in Greece who sells art to major home goods stores. She connects artists to retailers. A lot of retailers are looking for something that can be exclusive to them and limited print designs. Like she literally just happened to walk by me while I was perched on a bench sketching."

"That's fantastic."

The waitress sets our drinks on the table.

"Yeah." I take a sip of my margarita. "I'm not sure if that's how I want my art to be sold long term, but for now, it could be a really great starting point for me."

"Starting point? Jennie, you're going to have your art sold to potentially hundreds of thousands of people. That's more than a starting point."

I grin around my straw and shrug. He's right. If I'm honest, my travels taught me a lot about life, the importance of connecting with other people, and taking chances even when they're way out of your comfort zone. When I wasn't dying over Lisa for those two years and three months, I was living—like really living.

"So I'm going to call her when I get home. Home …" I shake my head. "I'm going home to a guest house and a very empty estate."

"Yeah, Juni said they'd be in L.A. until September. Why don't you go there? Surely there's an extra bedroom." He smirks. "Or you can stay with me. No extra bedroom, but you know you love my sofa bed."

I roll my eyes.

Zach owns many homes. He purchased the one in Colorado for me. At least that's what Juni said, but it's her favorite place too. Most of the time, they're in L.A., closer to the epicenters of their professional lives. I don't hate L.A., but it's not my Rockies.

"My favorite strain of marijuana can only be found in Colorado."

"You're full of shit." He rolls his eyes. "Are you really still a pothead?"

"Pothead? Thanks, Dad." I suck down more of my margarita. "I'm really still in pain if that's what you're asking, but I've found other ways to deal with it out of necessity and lack of medical marijuana available during my travels."

"I'm extremely grateful I didn't get the phone call that my only daughter is in some third-world country's prison on drug charges."

"Yeah, well, me too." I giggle, gathering my hair off my neck and leaning back to stretch. It's been a long day. As I release my hair and straighten my back, my gaze falls over my dad's shoulder to the bar.

My heart stops. Completely, emergency brake, brick-wall stops.

Lisa.

She laughs before taking a drink of what looks like water. The blonde next to her talks animatedly with her hands in the air, then she leans toward Lisa, laughing hard as she balances by putting her hand on Lisa's leg.

I knew coming home might involve seeing her again. I've both dreaded it and craved it. As I sit here, I don't even know what my heart is feeling because it's simply idle in my chest. Maybe it's waiting for my brain to process all that's happened over the past three years since I met Lisa in this same city.

"What are you looking at?" Dad turns, looking over his shoulder.

"Nothing."

Nothing? Is that a lie? Are Lisa and I now nothing? I don't know because a lot happened after that phone call. When I managed to crawl out of my dark hole, I lived.

I lived in constant motion, immersing myself in my surroundings, always looking for the next adventure. I lived in the laughter of new friendship, and sometimes … I lived in the arms and the beds of men.

But not once did I ever want their names carved beside mine in a fallen tree trunk above my creek in Colorado.

"Is nothing the blond girl?" Dad turns back around. I told him about Lisa and Ms. Manoban, minus the stair sex and blowjob in her office at school.

I didn't even tell Juni those details. She knows there was sex and other "intimate acts," but no matter what name I give her, my conscience will always see her as Mom. Does Mom really want to know what Ms. Manoban tasted like going down my throat? I think not.

"Maybe," I say cautiously, adjusting my chair so Dad blocks me if Lisa looks our way.

"Do I need to kick Nothing's ass?"

I grin, in spite of the pain. I grin because my dad's never had that chance to be protective of me like this. He's never confronted a date of mine at the door and threatened to castrate them for so much as looking at me for too long.

"No. But thanks for the offer."

"It's a standing offer."

I chuckle, tipping my chin and stirring my drink with the straw.

The waitress brings our food, and because every hungry stomach in a restaurant homes in on out-coming food, Lisa looks our way.

Two seconds.

I give her eye contact for two seconds. Possibly the longest two seconds of my life. And from the way the color drains from her face, I'm certain this is the first she's noticed me.

"So … you dating anyone?" I ask my dad, vowing to not look in Lisa's direction again, even if I feel her heated gaze all over me.

"Not at the moment. I can't get a handle on these dating websites. I think they're for your generation, not mine."

I nod, before taking a huge bite of my taco. Lisa's still staring at me. I feel it. I've lost my appetite, but I need something to focus on, so I shovel in food, fiddle with my napkin, and gulp down the rest of my margarita and my ice water.

"And these women do not put accurate profile pictures on the sites nor do they post accurate facts about themselves. Last month I went on a date with a woman who said she enjoys all things outdoors, hiking, biking … Then she practically dies on me during dinner because she forgot her inhaler, and the walk from the car to the restaurant exhausted her."

I nod, tackling my next taco like a savage ripping apart its prey.

"Jennie?"

I nod.

"Jennie!"

I snap my head up out of my hunched, cavewoman position. "What?" I mumble over an entire taco shoved into my mouth.

"Have you heard a word I've said?"

I nod a few times then shake my head. "Sorry." I chew slower and wipe my mouth with my shredded napkin.

Dad glances over his shoulder again. I don't. I can't.

"Who is she?"

She's life.

My dad is no idiot. He made reading the enemy a profession.

"If I tell you, can you refrain from injuring her?"

He takes a pull of his beer, eyeing me with suspicion. "Probably not."

"Then she's nobody."

I return to my last taco.

"So you know I'm going to do some serious bodily harm to her. Give your old man a break and at least give me motive for when they arrest me."

She took my virginity, my heart, and my whole fucking world. Then she gave it back. But I didn't want it back.

"I think you should let Juni fix you up with someone. She told me she's offered to do that for you."

"Changing the subject will not change the outcome for that young woman behind me, but in response to your ridiculous suggestion, the answer is no. I'm not having the mother of my child set me up on a date. It's …" He shakes his head, wearing a sour look on his face.

"Yeah, I can see how dating one of Juni's supermodel friends could be a little torturous."

"We're done talking about this." He dives into his food, and we let the rest of our dinner disappear in silence.

After the check is paid, he slides back in his chair. "Just one more order of business …"

"No!" I reach over the table and grab his arm.

"Who is she, Jennie?"

Finally, I risk one more glance up, but Lisa and her pretty friend are gone. I exhale.

"Doesn't matter. She's gone. I'll order a ride. Let's go."

The driver is three minutes away. As we emerge from the restaurant, I almost run into the blonde standing next to Lisa a few feet from the curb.

Shit.

And there it is, the pain I couldn't completely feel before. But when Lisa looks over at me as Dad and I wait next to them, everything hurts the way it did when I got on that plane to leave her over two years ago, the way it did when she called me to let me go.

"Hi," she says politely because she's older and more mature than me.

I can't find a single word, not even a noise that could resemble one because I'm ready to fall apart after working so hard to piece myself back together. With one word, she's threatened all of that.

The blonde gives me a tiny, confused smile as her eyes flit between me and Lisa.

"Hi." My dad offers his hand to Lisa.

What the fuck?

"Ms. Manoban, right? You were Jennie's guidance counselor, right? She's told me so much about you."

Okay, now my dad's just being an asshole. I love him, but he's still an asshole. He knew exactly who Ms. Nobody was when he saw her in the restaurant. He just thought it would be fun to toy with me.

Not fun.

Not cool.

Total asshole—that I, of course, love.

Lisa shakes my dad's hand, again being a grownup while I flounder wordlessly. "Lisa. And yes, you are correct."

"Mitch, I'm her dad."

"Our car!" Yay, look at me, finding two solid words.

Dad gets in the front, and I hop in the back, but Lisa grabs my door before I can shut it. I look up at her.

She doesn't grin. Doesn't show any emotion in her expression. "Ride share."

I glance at my phone. Really? Is my stupid app on a default ride share setting or am I just that clueless when tapping the options? It's history repeating itself in the worst possible way.

Scooting over to the far side, Lisa gets in the middle with blondie on the other side. The night couldn't get any worse.

Ugh!

Dad glances over his shoulder with a single brow raised. I squint at him as I plaster myself against the door. Lisa's arm presses into mine as she fastens her seatbelt. My lungs collapse.

"Buckle up." She gives me a look, not a smile, not really anything other than the way the driver might look at me if he were the one telling me to buckle up.

I fumble with the seatbelt. When did my hands start shaking? Lisa covers my hand with hers. I glance up at her and tears sting my eyes, so I focus on the seatbelt again. She takes it from me and fastens it.

"Thank you," I whisper.

Her touch ripped off the Band-Aid I've had over my heart. One touch and I want to cry. I hate time right now. We were stupid, young, and naive to think we were immune to its effects. If only my body were immune to her touch.

"Jax and Harper are in the bar at the hotel. Do you want to hang out with them for a while?" Blondie rests her hand on Lisa's leg like she did at the restaurant.

Am I jealous? Absolutely.

Can I justify my feelings? No.

Still, my mind does its own thing.

Lisa doesn't drink. Of course she doesn't want to hang out in a bar.

Oh, and did you know she's mine? Yeah, I made that claim years ago.

Did you know we have our names carved into a log?

Do you like California spring rolls? I bet you eat raw fish.

Turning away from her hand on Lisa's leg, I watch the traffic outside of my window for a few seconds before closing my eyes. I'm not this person. The woman on the other side of Lisa is probably very kind. And maybe Lisa likes her hand on her leg. I left her. It wasn't fair to ask her to wait for me.

If only realizing this—the truth—could ease the blow. But it doesn't.

"Sure," Lisa answers her.

The truth tightens its hold on my heart.

"So you were Lisa's student?" She leans forward to see me.

I pull in as much air as my weak lungs can take, and I turn to face her without looking at Lisa, who I know is staring at me. "For a few months, then I dropped out."

"Oh." She gives Lisa an awkward look like she said something wrong.

"I had the chance to travel the world. So I did. Ms. Manoban…" I grin "…Lisa, encouraged me to do it."

It's half the truth.

My dad glances over his shoulder, shooting Lisa a scowl. Lisa adjusts in her seat, likely feeling every ounce of my father's disapproval.

"Dude…" the blonde nudges Lisa "…you're a guidance counselor and you encouraged a student to drop out of high school. That takes some big balls." She laughs.

Things I learned in my travels: After seeing three other sets of balls, Lisa's are large and so is her cock; they're not all created equally.

She clears her throat. "I'm not certain that's how it played out."

I give her a quick glance before looking back out my window. "It was a couple years ago. I don't recall the specific details." I shrug.

"So did you travel the world?" she asks.

"Yes."

"That's awesome. Are you going to finish school?"

I shrug.

"Well, I'd put my plans on hold if I could afford to travel the world. Did you go to Paris and find a handsome French man to steal your heart?"

If she could stop talking, said heart would appreciate it.

I shake my head. "I didn't go to Paris."

"Really? That's the first place I'd go."

Of course she would. I close my eyes again and give myself a good scolding for being this way, showing my claws.

The driver stops in front of the hotel. And of course, it's our hotel and Lisa's.

Thank you, fate. You suck tonight.

I jump out my side instead of waiting for Lisa and her friend to get out.

My dad stretches and yawns, waiting for me to come around the car. "Damn … I'm too old for this."

"You are." I smirk, pushing his back to nudge him toward the revolving door, leaving Lisa and her friend behind us.

"Are you Jennie?" blond friend calls, saying my name slowly.

Blowing out a quick breath, I turn just after we get inside the hotel lobby—fake smile pinned to my face. "Yes?"

She narrows her eyes. "Are you … I mean you look like …"

Here we go.

"Zachary Phillips's daughter and …" Her eyes widen with each word.

My dad's chest presses to my back, his hand rests possessively on my shoulder.

"And Juni Carlisle's. That's you, isn't it?" She shares her questioning look with Lisa.

"My daughter. Jennie Kim is Mitchell Kim's daughter. I'm Mitchell Kim."

Down boy.

I give him a slight elbow in the gut. He gets along well with Zach. I'm not sure why her slight misstep in wording has him going all Papa Bear.

"This is my dad, Mitch, and yes, Juni is my mother. Zach is my stepdad."

"Oh my gosh!" She gives Lisa a WTF look. "You had Zachary Phillips's daughter as a student and you didn't say anything?"

My dad starts to correct her again. I give him a slight head shake and another nudge with my elbow.

"Honestly …" Lisa shrugs, sharing a tight-lipped smile and eyebrows peaked, "I didn't know at first. I don't keep up with that stuff."

"You need to come have a drink with us." She puts her hands together in a prayer fold at her chest. "Oh …" She cringes at my dad. "Is she …" She looks at me. "Are you twenty-one?"

I nod. "Yes, but—"

"Please, please, please."

Dad grumbles something under his breath. I think it's "tell her no," but I miss it.

"Just one."

Lisa's face tenses just before I turn to my dad. "Go to bed. I'll be up later. Don't wait up." He yawns again. I don't think it will be an issue.

I know he's dying to say something protective, but he knows it would be ridiculous at this point in my life.

"Be smart." He bends down and kisses my cheek.

I smile.

When I turn back around, blond girl shoves her hand toward me. "I'm Tzuyu by the way. And thank you for saying yes. I'll try not to talk your ear off, but I have so many questions for you." She grabs my arm like we're BFFs and pulls me toward the bar with Lisa in tow. "Have you met …" She spews off every major music act to grace the charts in the last decade.

While we wait for a booth, along with their friends, Jax and Harper, I blow Tzuyu's mind with just how many famous people I know or have met. It didn't hit me until now just how honest and simple my relationship was with Lisa. We met through our shared love of music. There was an instant connection, but it never had anything to do with my family, their connections, or what she could gain by befriending me. Because she had no idea who I was, yet … she knew me better than anyone.

We're seated in a small round booth.

"Lisa, you'd better sit between Jennie and Tzuyu, so she doesn't scare Jennie away. I'm like totally frightened for her." Harper winks at Tzuyu.

Tzuyu flips her the middle finger while sliding into the booth. Lisa slides in next to her, and I, in fact, end up next to Lisa. And when I say next to Lisa, I mean our arms and legs are touching because I'm the fifth wheel in a booth made for four.

"I'm sorry," Lisa mouths while Tzuyu chatters with Jax and Harper.

I shake my head and give her an it's-okay smile.

"Sooo … Jennie was Lisa's student." Tzuyu shifts the conversation back to me.

Hurray.

"Student?" Jax grins at Lisa. "Thought you were a guidance counselor. Who was stupid enough to give you students?"

Lisa sips her water. "They're all my students. I'm the keeper of schedules and sanity. The school would not function without me."

I laugh a little, welcoming the small crack in the tension.

"My guidance counselor sure as hell wasn't the fine snack that Lisa is." Tzuyu leans into Lisa playfully, which causes her to lean into me. Which causes me to feel tingly all over—and warm. I'm ready to spontaneously combust.

The next hour turns into Jennie fest. Jennie did this. Jennie did that. Anyone who didn't know the truth would think Tzuyu was in fact my best friend because she seems to know a lot about me, and what she doesn't know she manages to drag out of me like a million details about my travels. I feel a little guilty that they are hearing this before my dad.

I keep my gaze on Lisa's friend more than her, but when I give her an occasional quick glance, she has a smile on her face like she's proud? Maybe even happy?

I don't know. But I guess if her intention was to break my heart so I would follow through with my plans, then she should feel good about the outcome.

Too bad I don't. It's hard to explain. I don't regret anything. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity and I'm grateful beyond words that I was given that opportunity. But here I am, two years later, and the woman that I love is being touched by another woman, and all I have are memories that won't hold my hand or keep me warm at night. They won't take me on horseback rides. They won't eat California spring rolls with me. They won't ask me to marry them. And they won't love me back.

"Well …" I nod my head toward the exit. "I'm going to call it a night. Thank you. It's been fun."

"Thank you!" Tzuyu leans over the front of Lisa and pulls me in for an awkward hug.

I stiffen as Lisa's hand slides along my leg. Is she doing it intentionally? Is she just trying to find a place to put her hand since Tzuyu and I are practically hugging on her lap? Her warm hand on my bare leg does very embarrassing things to me.

My cheeks flush instantly, and I'm wet between my legs, so hungry for her touch.

As Tzuyu releases me, so does Lisa. Tipping my chin to hide my embarrassing reaction to her, I mumble another quick goodbye and speed walk out of the bar.