How I feel
It was a big step for me to take but in the end it is better for me. I didn't see a future and didn't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. There were more downs than ups. I know I hurt you, yet everyone seems to forget I hurt me too. It wasn't easy to end this big part of my life. A part that made me grow into the person I am now.
It's been two months now and hell do I still cry over what happened. I know you might think I'm doing just fine but that is all pretend. Just like I pretended I didn't have a depression. I cry at night while I feel like shit the whole day. I cry till I feel my heart clench and my breathing gets so fast that I can't breathe. I have panic attacks about the past, about the future but mostly about you.
I miss the things we did. Even though my love for you has faded away. I miss the good times. The ones where we laughed and we cried about the good things. I miss the times we went on vacation and had the time of our life. I miss the hugs and the way you made me feel okay when I wasn't. I felt like I could tell you everything and you would make sure it was okay.
The thing I hate is that I keep thinking of you but the only thing I miss is a person like you being there for me, for me to share my life with. To make sure I'm okay...