Hi guys.
This is it. This is the end of the story.
Please, make sure you read the author's note at the end after you read the chapter.
I hope you like it!
As Blaine stepped away from the door, he could hear an insistent little voice in the back of his head, that sounded a lot like Cooper's, saying: you're ruining this, you're ruining this, you're ruining this...
He plopped down on the couch, covered his head with a pillow, and tried to drown the voice out.
Blaine remembered the first Christmas after their parents had died. In order to get them into the holiday spirit and make them forget their grief, their grandmother had asked them to be in charge of decorating the tree. She had pulled boxes of ornaments from the big storage closet in their laundry room and set them on the floor in front of them. Cooper hadn't been thrilled – he wanted to hang out with his friends, not decorate stupid trees with his stupid little brother. But Blaine had stared at the sparkling ornaments in awe – he had loved to see them hanging on the tree every year, had always stared at them in reverence, but his grandmother had never let him touch them. They were very delicate, she had told him, and very old. They had been in her family for many years.
Cooper reluctantly put the tree in a corner of the living room and threaded the lights through the branches, before he dropped down on the couch to watch television and let Blaine do the rest of the work. Blaine didn't mind. He was happy. For the first time in a long time, he felt happy.
The apartment smelled like freshly baked cookies and somewhere in the kitchen, their grandmother was singing a Christmas song a bit off-key. The world didn't seem like such an awful place, where heartbreaking things happened every day. Not right now, at least.
Blaine carefully took every ornament out of the box, positioning them on the floor next to the tree to admire them, running his little finger over them reverently. The last piece he took out was a lovely crystal star, as large as his hand. It reflected the light from the lamp so prettily that he was enthralled for a few minutes, forgetting about everything else. Then he looked up at the tree, blinking, and decided it deserved a good spot, so everyone could see it as soon as they looked at the tree.
He reached for a chair and climbed on it, the star tightly in his hand. He chose a little branch near the top and placed the star there. But the ornament was too heavy for that thin branch, and it plummeted to the floor, hitting the floorboards with one of its spikes and shattering immediately.
Blaine was breathless. He threw himself out of the chair, hearing his brother already screaming at him to reprimind him and grabbed the pieces of the star, thinking I can put it back together, I can fix this, it's not broken...
He didn't notice when the glass cut his hand, frantic as he was in his attempt to save this precious thing that had been whole and safe just a few seconds ago. The blood stained the shards of crystal as he did his best to fit them back together.
His grandmother had rushed into the room as soon as she heard the commotion. She shushed Cooper and sent him for her first aid kit, as she kneeled next to Blaine and asked him to let go of the broken pieces.
Blaine had held them even tighter as he cried, devastated.
He had never been good at letting go.
The thing about Cooper was that he had filled every little crevice of Blaine's life – he had been so loud and bright all the time, it was impossible not to notice him when he was around, so of course his absence was just as painfully obvious.
And Blaine didn't know how to deal with the silence, with the empty spaces. Whenever something happened, he still reached for his phone to text his brother about it, until he remembered there was no one on the other end of the phone anymore.
It had been a month, and Blaine still didn't understand how loss could be such an absolute concept. It wasn't like losing a sock in the washing machine – eventually it would resurface, stuck to the inside of his jeans. Cooper wasn't stuck anywhere, he was gone. Absolutely, definitely gone. There was no hope for him to return, to be found.
Blaine had dealt with loss before – his parents, his grandmother – but it hadn't felt like this. Their grandmother had been old, it was just a fact of life, it ends, it has to end at some point, and she had lived a long, full life. She left with no regrets and a smile on her face, and though both Blaine and Cooper had been sad to lose her, it hadn't wrecked them. They had cried and held each other through their mourning, until one day they woke up and realized they could laugh at old stories about her again, they could smile as they tried one of her recipes.
Even with their parents, Blaine didn't remember feeling like this. He had been young, and his grandmother had told him his parents were in heaven, and what a lovely, comforting concept that is for a child, so full of hope that one day you might get to see them again, as if nothing had ever gone wrong. Cooper had been angry and sad for a lot longer than Blaine, his grief taking a different route. But eventually he had healed, had smiled again, had realized his own life wasn't over, that he had to move on.
And here Blaine stood, too old to believe in heaven and too young to have dealt with all this loss, trying to grasp the new reality that had set around him. Cooper was gone. There would be no more phone calls, no more dropping by unannounced with a pizza to hang out, no more embarrassing moments at gay bars where Cooper got all the attention and soaked it up despite not being interested, until he realized Blaine was fuming next to him. No more teasing, no more sharing drinks on the balcony, no more, no more, no more.
Death meant you were left with a lot of empty spaces that were suddenly impossible to ever fill again.
Blaine sometimes wished he could hide from the world, where everything kept going like his own personal universe hadn't been shattered to pieces. But deep down inside of him, he knew it wasn't the best choice, even if it was the most tempting. It was like an invisible hand was pushing him out of his apartment every morning.
He liked to think the hand belonged to Cooper.
A few days later, he was standing in the backroom at Flora, working on the orders he needed to get ready for that day. Before, he used to like turning on the radio and singing along as he worked. Lately, he was only enveloped by silence. It wasn't the best company.
He reached for a bucket of flowers he needed to complete one of the bouquets and stopped suddenly when he really looked at the dozens and dozens of daisies in front of him.
Kurt. God, he missed him. He hadn't talked to him since he had come looking for him at his apartment, a week ago. He hadn't even allowed himself to think about him as he spiralled into his own grief. After all Kurt had done for him, being by his side when his life had fallen into pieces around him, making sure he ate and rested, inviting him over for dinner with his father... and Blaine had turned him away at the door like he was nothing.
But he was everything.
He felt so embarrassed. Kurt hadn't deserved that. He deserved... flowers, and romance, and a million home-cooked dinners, and more kisses than Blaine could count. He definitely deserved more than the tattered pieces of Blaine's shredded heart, but they were his, every single little shard.
He wasn't sure if Kurt would have it, though.
Grabbing a few daisies to finish up the bouquet, he put it aside with the rest of the orders and simply stared at the bucket of flowers on the table for a few minutes, as he fidgeted with his phone. He really wanted to send a message to Kurt, but what if it wasn't welcomed? He couldn't blame Kurt if he never wanted to hear from him again...
Again, that invisible hand seemed to push him. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and typed.
To Kurt: Hi. I'm sorry about last week. I hope you and your dad made it to Lima safely.
He forced himself to put the phone down and get back to work, but it buzzed with a response only a few seconds later.
From Kurt: Blaine, hi. You have no idea how nice it is to hear from you. And you have nothing to apologize for. Yes, we've made it safely, thank you. How are you?
Relief washed through him. Kurt's text ended with a bit of a loaded question, but he decided he owed him honesty after how much of an asshole he had been.
To Kurt: I'm... trying to be okay? It's hard, most days. I just really miss him. How's your dad?
From Kurt: Trying is always good. It doesn't matter if it takes a while, as long as you're trying, you'll be okay. I know you miss him. I miss him, too.
From Kurt: And dad's fine! He says hi. He wants me to go back to New York, but I'm pretty sure the second I leave, he's going to dive into bacon.
From Kurt: He's giving me the stink eye. I think he knows what I'm texting you.
A little smile tried to tug at his lips as he read the messages arriving one after the other.
To Kurt: Tell him I say hi back. And give him a bit of credit. I think he's a smart man. He won't put himself at risk just to calm his craving for greasy foods.
He didn't even bother putting his phone down. Kurt replied only a few seconds later.
From Kurt: Now he says he likes you very much and that you're his favorite.
For the first time in a little over a month, Blaine felt a sense of warmth all inside.
Maybe he could rebuild some of the things that were broken.
They began to text regularly, and it was the highlight of Blaine's day. Sometimes it was about silly things – like Kurt's annoyance at a woman in front of him at the supermarket who kept running back to grab things she had forgotten and kept him waiting for almost half an hour – and sometimes about bigger things, like memories of Cooper that were suddenly popping up in Blaine's head, moments from their childhood and teenage years that he had almost forgotten but now, since he spent most of the time thinking about his big brother, began to resurface.
When that happened, Kurt always called him and let Blaine talk and talk and talk, even if it was late into the night. It comforted him, though, getting to share Cooper with him, who had known him during the worst time of his life and still fallen in love with him as if he had been the bright, incandescent man he had been before the cancer.
Blaine missed him so much it knocked his breath away, it felt like being repeatedly punched in the stomach. But when he got to talk to Kurt like this, it didn't hurt so much. It felt manageable. It didn't feel like he was stranded on an island all alone. Kurt was right there, reaching out his hand to pull him into a boat and row him away to safety.
And Blaine was starting to feel ready to take his hand.
The dream happened a few nights later. Blaine had been talking to Kurt on the phone until they were both too sleepy to continue and finally decided to hang up. In the dream, Blaine was sitting in the hospital courtyard, under the same tree he and Cooper had sat on his last day. The sky was clear and beautiful, and the sun shone down on him. He leaned his head against the tree trunk and let out a big sigh.
"You sound exhausted, squirt."
Blaine's head popped back into place as he opened his eyes and found Cooper sitting next to him. Cooper in jeans and a white button down with the sleeves pulled up to his elbows. Cooper with a head full of thick, gorgeous hair. Cooper with light in his eyes and a smile on his face.
Cooper like he had been before the day he knocked on his door with nothing but a bleeding nose and bad news.
"Coop..." Blaine muttered. He wanted to reach out for him, but he was scared Cooper would disappear if he did.
Cooper rolled his eyes and clapped him on the back. "I'm here." Then he glanced around, frowning. "You know, you could have picked a nicer venue. I thought we've had our fill of hospitals for good."
Blaine chuckled, but it sounded choked, and he realized he was crying at the same time. "I can't believe... I miss you."
He grabbed his hand. He could see their palms touching, but he couldn't feel it, and that only made him cry more.
"I know you do, squirt," Cooper said softly. "But just because I died, it doesn't mean you have to stop living, too."
"I just..." Blaine stuttered, shaking his head. "I just don't know how to do this."
"Yes, you do," Cooper nudged their shoulders together and Blaine moved with the motion but couldn't feel the pressure. "You're the strongest person I know. Also, the nicest. You deserve all the good things life's going to throw at you. Just don't be stupid and let them pass you by."
Blaine couldn't take his eyes away from him. He wanted to soak up every second like sunlight. He never wanted to wake up.
"I'm talking about Kurt, of course," Cooper added when Blaine remained silent. "You've been very dense, Blaine."
Blaine ran a hand down his face. "I don't know if he..."
"Whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it. You know very well what's going on." Cooper paused and watched him, and it looked so real. Blaine felt the tears stream down his cheeks. "When I was sick... what hurt me the most wasn't the chemo or the cancer in itself. It was watching you having to deal with it. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, squirt. So... do you think you could make my dream come true, even if I'm gone?"
Blaine blinked to get the tear out of his eyes. It was only a second. Less than a second. And yet, when he opened his eyes, he wasn't in the hospital courtyard. He was in his own bedroom, dark in the middle of the night, the phone still next to his pillow where he had dropped it before falling asleep.
He sat up in his bed, gasping, crying just as hard as he had cried in his dream. He didn't try to reach for Cooper – he knew he wasn't there. He would never be there again.
But he had given him this. Whatever it had been. It wasn't a normal dream. It hadn't felt like one. It had felt like so much more, and Blaine remembered every single word Cooper had said.
He remembered what Cooper's last few weeks had been all about – all the dates he set up, the random guys he sought thinking they might be the one for Blaine, his eagerness as he asked him about every single date the next morning. He remembered Cooper sitting up in bed and celebrating as he and Kurt walked into his room hand in hand. He remembered how happy he had looked, despite his own suffering.
He thought about Cooper's face in the dream, fresh and joyful, completely devoid of pain. But just as hopeful as he had been as he asked him about yet another date with yet another guy, thinking this was it, thinking he had struck gold. Hopeful and happy, and so healthy.
Like an eight year old Blaine Anderson who had been recently orphaned, he sat there, gasping for breath, and, as improbable as it was, Blaine believed in heaven again.
It wasn't hard to make Kurt slip into the conversation when he was coming back to New York. Blaine didn't even need to know an exact time – it was enough when Kurt mentioned he was getting back the following Friday in the evening. Blaine checked the flight schedules online and found only one coming from Ohio, so it had to be that one.
And he began to make plans.
Now that the fog of his heartache was starting to dissipate enough to let him breathe, he realized he had been in love with Kurt Hummel probably since the moment he saw him sitting alone in the hospital hallway and stopped to offer him coffee. Every time he thought back to their date, he felt like the future didn't hold as much darkness as he had begun to think. There was light somewhere, and he needed Kurt to help him see it.
This had been Cooper's last wish. Blaine was ready to make it come true.
The arrivals terminal at the airport was as crowded as you could expect it to be on a Friday. Blaine checked on one of the large screens in the lobby to make sure Kurt's flight had landed, and then headed towards the doors, making sure to find a spot where Kurt wouldn't walk right by without seeing him.
He fidgeted a little, suddenly realizing just how nervous he was. He tried to distract himself by watching other people reuniting with their loved ones, but it only made him worry more about what Kurt would say when he saw him. What if he wasn't happy that Blaine had come pick him up? It was a stupid thing to be insecure about, he knew, because Kurt had sounded more than open to seeing him again when he returned to New York, even if they hadn't exactly made plans.
Stop sabbotaging yourself, the voice in the back of his head said, and Blaine took a deep breath and calmed down.
He decided to focus instead on the bouquet he was holding. It was probably predictable at this point that he would show up with flowers, but he couldn't help it. Kurt was the first man he was interested in who seemed to appreciate them as much as he did. But to switch things up, he had changed the daisies for roses. He had chosen two colors, red and yellow, a dozen in each tone.
Just as he glanced up from the flowers and towards the gates, he saw Kurt walking through them, pulling on his suitcase and carrying a large leather portfolio on his shoulder. He seemed tired, and he didn't look around as he headed straight for the exit, obviously not expecting to find anyone there for him. He had to go around a big family that was in the middle of squealing in excitement at the arrival of their grandparents, and when he glanced away from them, a soft smile on his face, his eyes fell right on Blaine, widening in surprise.
"Blaine!" He exclaimed, his smile blooming up. It could have outshined every single flower in Blaine's shop with its beauty. He quickly closed the distance between them. "What are you doing here?"
For the first time in weeks, Blaine was able to find a smile of his own. Now that Kurt was standing right in front of him, he felt like he could breathe. "I really wanted to see you," he admitted, before presenting the flowers to him. "Here, I know it's become predictable, me bringing you flowers, but..."
"No," Kurt cut him off, reaching for them and immediately leaning in to breathe them in. "Never. There's nothing predictable about you, Blaine Anderson." His eyes were twinkling in the flourescent airport lights. "Thank you."
Blaine tried to hide his blush by grabbing Kurt's suitcase to carry it for him. He had to wait, because Kurt still had his face buried in the flowers, and Blaine wondered if maybe he was trying to hide his own bashfulness as well.
"I love them," Kurt said at last. "They're beautiful."
So are you, Blaine wanted to say, but he didn't. Not yet at least. Maybe before the end of the night, he would have the opportunity to tell him, though. That, and so many other things that were lying just on the tip of his tongue.
Instead, he offered his free arm to Kurt, who took it without hesitation, and he lead the way out of the terminal. As they waited for a taxi with the rest of the passengers, Kurt's arm still linked with his, standing very close together to be out of the way of the hurried New Yorker and lost tourists, Blaine fought the urge to lean in and press a kiss to Kurt's cheek. He smelled so nice, like jasmine and vanilla and something so inherently Kurt that he absolutely adored.
"I was thinking we could have dinner, if you're not too tired," Blaine suggested, as a cab finally stopped before them.
"I would love that," Kurt agreed.
They slipped into the back of the cab and just as Kurt was going to give his address to the driver so he could drop his luggage, Blaine interrupted.
"Sorry, do you mind if we stop by the shop first? I forgot my cellphone," he said, and Kurt nodded, so Blaine gave the address to the driver and off they went. "It'll only be a minute, I promise."
"It's okay, I don't mind," Kurt reassured him, placing his hand on top of Blaine's where it was resting between them on the seat.
Blaine turned his hand up so their palms met, and they intertwined their fingers. "How was your flight?" He asked, as if his heart wasn't suddenly trying to beat right out of his chest.
"Oh, it was fine," Kurt leaned his head back against the seat to watch him. "Part of me wanted to stay with dad a little longer, but most of me was actually screaming to get the hell out of Ohio."
"I can't picture you in Ohio, actually," Blaine said, frowning at the roof of the car. "You look like you belong in New York, like it's part of you..."
Kurt smiled at him. "It took a lot of work for me to look the part... at first I was so dazed by everything, I looked like a tourist." He paused and glanced out of the window, at the shape of the buildings in the setting sun. "Okay, please don't judge me, but... when Rachel and I first came to the city, we would have breakfast at Tiffany's at least twice a week. We would dress in our best clothes, buy the cheapest pastries and coffee because that was all we could afford, and we would just lean against the wall and... pretend. Pretend we belonged." He chuckled at himself and tilted his head towards Blaine, rolling his eyes. "Okay, you can judge me."
"I think it's adorable," Blaine said, softly. "I think you are adorable."
Kurt's breath hitched slightly, but the smile remained on his face. Blaine really, really wanted to lean in...
The car came to a sudden stop at an intersection, and the driver rolled his window down and practically flung himself out of it to scream at another driver. The moment was gone.
They remained silent until they finally made it to Flora. Kurt seemed to want to wait in the car for Blaine to run inside for his phone, so Blaine looked at him apologetically and said: "Do you mind coming in with me? I have no idea where I left it and it might take a while. We'll get another taxi later."
"Oh sure!" Kurt said, and immediately slid out of the car while Blaine leaned into the front window and paid the driver.
Blaine parked Kurt's suitcase behind the counter, and placed his portfolio right next to it. Kurt carefully laid his flowers on top, as Blaine opened the door to the backroom and waved him in. Then he stepped aside and watched Kurt's face as he walked inside and took in his surroundings.
The backroom was still filled with flowers, but they had been arranged form a semi-circle on the floor. Thousands and thousands of daisies, orchids, white roses filled every available surface and framed the blanket in the middle of the floor, where Blaine had placed a rather fancy picnic basket and a few cushions. He touched a switch on the wall and several lines of fairy lights came on all over the room. He had also placed a few candles but hadn't had time to light them yet. He should have probably planned that a little better.
Kurt stood frozen at the doorway, his eyes roaming around like he couldn't believe what he was seeing, and his lips were slightly parted. He mouthed a few words, none of them really coming out with enough volume for Blaine to hear them, until he finally turned his head to look at Blaine, and simply said: "Blaine."
"Do you like it?" Blaine asked, as he wrung his hands together, anxiously.
"Like it? I love it!" Kurt exclaimed, coming a little further into the room to take a better look. "It's so... it's beautiful. Amazing. So... wow, so very Gatsby of you."
Blaine chuckled at that and ran a hand down the back of his neck, self-conscious. "I hope you don't mean that as in... creepy?"
"Never," Kurt muttered, and grabbed his hand to pull him closer. Only then did Blaine notice his eyes looked watery, like he was holding back tears. "No one's ever done something like this for me."
"Well, I should have done this a lot sooner," Blaine said, guiding him towards the blanket. "I owe you an apology."
"What?" Kurt actually seemed shocked at that.
"I've been horrible to you, Kurt," Blaine murmured. "I've ignored you and pushed you away and..."
"Okay, stop this right now," Kurt said, placing a hand on Blaine's chest, frowning a bit at him. "That's crazy, Blaine. You were mourning. You still are. Sometimes you do what you have to do to be able to deal with your grief. I wasn't around you just to be wooed, just so you would give me flowers and kiss me, you know. That's actually like, a really tiny part of it," Kurt winked at him, getting him to laugh a bit. "It's because I care about you. I wanted to be there for you if you needed me."
"I needed you," Blaine admitted in a weak voice. "I just... I didn't know how to be with you. I didn't know how to let you in because... you are happiness, Kurt. I look at you and all I see is happiness, and after losing Cooper... it felt like it wasn't something I was allowed to have."
Leaning their foreheads together, Kurt sighed. "You're always allowed to have happiness in your life, Blaine, even when things go horribly wrong. And if I can be that for you... then I'm honored."
They were so close, it was hard for Blaine to resist it. He finally moved in, slowly, giving Kurt the opportunity to pull away if he wanted to. But he didn't, so their lips met, soft and slow, in a gentle, sweet kiss.
It felt like coming home.
Blaine pulled away, and he shouldn't have felt so breathless after only a quick, rather chaste press of Kurt's mouth on his. He grabbed Kurt's hand again and said: "Shall we?"
They fell onto the blanket together. Blaine opened the basket and began pulling food out: pasta salad, finger sandwiches, containers full of different cut up fruits, a cheese plate, carrot and celery sticks and hummus to dip them in. He had also brought a bottle of wine and two glasses, and there was a cheesecake in the fridge for dessert.
Kurt was visibly impressed. "When did you do all this?"
Blaine pulled the cork out of the bottle and poured a glass for him. "I made all the food this morning, and Annie helped me decorate here this afternoon."
Kurt arched an eyebrow at him. "She does not seem like the kind of girl to be happy to help with romantic surprises."
"She's usually not," Blaine conceded. "But she seemed happy to help this one time."
"Well, everything's perfect," Kurt sighed happily, taking another look around before his eyes found Blaine's again. "You are perfect."
Blaine hid his bashful smile by taking a sip of his wine.
For a while, they talked about everything and anything, catching up, trying to make up for lost time. Kurt told him about his days in Ohio and about Burt. Blaine tried to fill him in on what he had been up to lately, although nothing too interesting had happened to him. Instead, he had preferred to ask Kurt about his job, and that got a very excited squeal in response.
"Oh, I have something to show you!" Kurt said, as he jumped to his feet. "Hold on!"
He walked out of the backroom only to return soon after with his sketchbook, flipping through the pages.
"I don't know if I ever told you this, but I'm working hard to try and open my own boutique one day," Kurt explained, as he took his seat back next to Blaine on the blanket. "It's all in my head, exactly what I want it to be. Sometimes I close my eyes and I can actually see it, and see all the clothes I designed." Kurt finally found what he was looking for and offered the sketchbook to Blaine. "This is a little something I've been working on the past couple of weeks."
Blaine wiped his hands with a napkin before accepting the sketchbook, to make sure he wouldn't ruin Kurt's work. The page showed the silhoutte of a man's body, dressed in tight ankle-high pants, a button down with a fun pattern, a mustard blazer and a bowtie.
He gaped at the sketch for a moment, before he looked up at Kurt. "Kurt, this is amazing... is that... is this me?!"
Kurt hummed in confirmation. "You have a lovely style, Blaine. I was thinking about what I wanted for my men's clothing line and you popped into my head."
"Wow, Kurt, this is just..." Blaine shook his head, impressed. "You're incredibly talented. But I thought you only made gowns."
"Well, I do now, because it pays the bills," Kurt replied, popping a grape into his mouth. "But I want to make all kinds of clothes. Everyday, formal, even haute couture one day."
"I don't know much about fashion, but I know this: You're going to get very, very far." Blaine made to skip to a different page, but paused. "Oh, can I see some more designs?"
"Of course," Kurt leaned in closer and they looked at them together, Blaine asking questions about each of them and Kurt explaining what his vision had been.
After a while, they put the sketchbook away, and Blaine picked up the empty plates to make more room on the blanket. They laid side by side on the floor and stared at the ceiling as if they were star gazing, their hands linked losely between them.
"I dreamed about Cooper a few days ago," Blaine murmured quietly.
The grip of Kurt's hand tightened for a moment, and he tilted his head to look at Blaine, but Blaine's eyes remained on the ceiling. "Yeah?" He asked breathlessly, a careful and gentle prompt.
"He was... he was himself again," Blaine said, and closed his eyes, hoping to conjure the image back. "Happy and healthy, and even a bit of a smartass."
Kurt chuckled. "I miss that."
"Me too," Blaine whispered. "He reminded me not to give up on my life because he was gone. He asked me to remember what his biggest dream had been."
"And what's that?" Kurt asked, his thumb tracing circles on Blaine's palm.
"He wanted me to be happy," Blaine replied. "He wanted me to find the love of my life," and as he said this, he turned his head so he was glancing back at Kurt.
Kurt inhaled sharply and licked his lips. "That's a nice dream. He loved you so much, Blaine."
"I loved him, too," Blaine echoed and then took a deep breath. "And I love you, Kurt."
A slow, beautiful smile appeared on Kurt's face. "You do?" He muttered, as he shifted to prop himself up on his elbow, hovering slightly over Blaine. He cupped Blaine's face. "I love you, too."
For the first time in over a month, a rush of happiness cursed through Blaine's body. It felt like he was seeing the light of day again after being shoved into a dark cave for weeks.
Kurt leaned in to capture Blaine's mouth in a deep kiss that set Blaine's whole soul on fire. Blaine's arms immediately went up to wrap themselves around Kurt's shoulders and try to pull him closer. It was like every inch of him was sighing in relief and singing in celebration at the same time – Kurt loved him.
Life made sense again. The hole inside of him that Cooper had left behind was still there, and it still hurt like the first day. He would miss his brother until the end of his days. But now he felt like he could breathe, he feel like he wasn't falling endlessly into a dark abyss. He was just falling endlessly in love. And Kurt was there to catch him.
They parted and Blaine looked up at Kurt – his blue eyes were blown and his lips so swollen, it seemed as if they had been kissing for hours.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, brushing the hair off Kurt's face. "God, you're... stunning, really."
A slight blush tinted Kurt's cheeks. He began pressing tiny kisses all over Blaine's face – his forehead, his jaw, his cheekbones, his nose, his eyelids. "You take my breath away, Blaine. I feel so lucky to be here with you."
Blaine ran his hands down Kurt's back and then up again. He tried to swallow the knot that had formed in his throat. He couldn't help feeling emotional – he had been so close to losing this, this new happiness, this new hope.
Kurt seemed to understand without even having to ask him anything. He crossed his arms on Blaine's chest and placed his chin on them, as he watched him with a little smile. "What do you need, sweetie? Do you want to talk? Do you want to go home?"
"No," Blaine replied, shaking his head. He didn't want this night to end. "I want to be right here with you."
"I'm not going anywhere," Kurt reassured him, softly.
Blaine looked away from him for a moment. Kurt's face was very distracting. "I'm... I'm still going to be sad sometimes."
"That's perfectly fine, sweetheart," Kurt said, his voice patient and kind. "And I'll be there to hold you if you need me. Or you can ask me to give you space." He tapped Blaine on the shoulder to get his attention. "Even if I didn't know him as well as you, don't forget that I miss Cooper, too. And I'm no stranger to loss. We can be there for each other."
They stayed like that for a very long time, simply breathing together, being together, hopefully healing together.
First they talked – about Kurt's dreams, about Blaine's hopes, about their fears and everything in between. Kurt was still laying half on top of Blaine, resting on his chest, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world, like they had done it a million times before. It was so easy, Blaine found himself feeling more relaxed than he had felt in what felt like years.
Then they kissed – the transition from talking to kissing happened just as naturally, with Kurt placing a sweet, chaste peck on Blaine's lips first, in between words, just because he could. But soon the conversation started to fade away, and they began to lose their train of thought because kissing seemed a lot more important, Blaine's hand in the back of Kurt's head and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.
Their mouths parted, searching, always searching for more. The first graze of Kurt's tongue made Blaine's breath hitch and Kurt's fingers tightened in Blaine's hair. Needing to move, to do something, anything, Blaine pushed gently at Kurt's shoulders, rolling him onto his back, pressing him against the floor and shifting to straddle him, all without breaking the kiss. Kurt was so solid underneath him, real and there, and as he leaned even more into him, he noticed Kurt was also hard.
Blaine finally broke the kiss and looked down at Kurt – gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous – and whispered: "I want to make you feel good."
Kurt's face was flushed with arousal already, his lips so swollen Blaine had trouble looking away from them. "You already do." He bucked up a little, just enough to get some friction on Blaine's thigh and groaned.
"We should pack up and go to my apartment," Blaine said, even though the idea of not touching Kurt until they got there threatened to drive him crazy.
Kurt shook his head, having similar thoughts. "I don't think I can wait that long."
It was Blaine's turn to groan now. He leaned in and teasingly scraped his teeth along the curve of Kurt's neck. "As prepared as I was today, I did not think to put lube and condoms in the picnic basket."
"Didn't think you were going to get lucky?" Kurt teased, and then lifted his hips again. "There are plenty of things we can do without them."
Blaine whimpered as he thought of all the options they had, and suddenly he felt like he needed more of Kurt's skin, so much more. With a questioning look, he placed his hands on the buttons of Kurt's shirt and once Kurt nodded, biting his lip, Blaine began to unbutton them.
As he undressed him, Blaine kissed every inch of skin that became available, not lingering much, but wanting to savor every second. It didn't take long before Kurt was naked and spread out in front of him, so beautiful that it made Blaine's brain short-circuit for a moment. Taking advantage of Blaine's current state, Kurt sat up to begin working on his clothes as well. As soon as his shirt was off, he leaned in and bit into Blaine's shoulder and collarbone, sending sparks of heat all down Blaine's spine.
When he was naked, too, and Kurt had allowed himself to look at Blaine's body without any sort of hesitation, only fire in his eyes, Blaine put a hand on his chest and pushed him back down onto the blanket. Kurt raised an eyebrow in question at him.
"I told you," Blaine said, licking his lips as he looked down at Kurt's cock, curved against his stomach and so painfully hard already. "I want to make you feel good."
Kurt laid there, waiting patiently, while Blaine also allowed himself to just look at him. It made his heart soar, the image of Kurt completely naked, surrounded by flowers, trusting and open, and in love with him.
"Close your eyes," Blaine muttered and Kurt watched him in amusement for a few seconds before finally complying. "You're so beautiful," Blaine continued and, in a rush of inspiration, reached to grab a white tulip from a nearby bucket. "You look like you belong right here."
"I belong with you," Kurt replied, his eyes still closed.
Blaine ached to kiss him again, but instead he pressed the soft petals of the flower against Kurt's collarbone and gently began to slide it down across his chest, until it reached his nipple. The touch was feather-light, but Kurt still gasped and tried to arch further into it. Blaine moved the tulip again until it reached the other nipple and then trailed it down over Kurt's ribs, where he seemed to be very sensitive.
"Blaine," Kurt whimpered.
"Do you need me to stop?" Blaine asked, now moving the petals over Kurt's lower stomach.
"No," Kurt said. "Don't stop."
So Blaine didn't. The flower made its descent over Kurt's thighs, grazing the inside where the skin was so sensitive, causing Kurt to spread his legs and try to move even closer to him, until he finally let it touch the tip of Kurt's cock, which was flushed red with arousal. He dragged it painstakingly down the length, over the vein in the underside, and he hadn't thought such a vague touch would turn Kurt into the desperate mess bucking beneath him, looking for more.
"What do you want?" Blaine murmured gently, the flower tracing the same path again and again, back up to the head and down until it touched Kurt's balls.
"Everything. Anything," Kurt moaned, his column a beautiful arch as he tried to close the distance between them. "Touch me, please."
"Open your eyes," Blaine said, repeating the move with the flower once again.
Kurt's eyes were no longer blue – they were blown dark. He looked right into Blaine's face and then down at his hand, following the tulip. "God," he moaned.
"Too weird?" Blaine asked with a little smile, as the petal caught on the tip of Kurt's cock.
"Too hot," Kurt replied, and then reached for him, his arms wrapping around Blaine's shoulders to pull him in. "Kiss me, please."
"Always," Blaine muttered, just before their lips met in a languid kiss, Kurt's tongue stealing into his mouth.
The flower fell from Blaine's hand as he shifted to properly straddle Kurt. They aligned their hips just right, their cocks pressing together. It wasn't nearly enough – Kurt kept murmuring into his ear how much he wanted Blaine inside him and god, he was going to come embarrassingly fast – but it would have to do until they got home. They found a rhythm that worked perfectly for a while, slow and firm, the drag a little dry but it only made them more desperate for it. Blaine wanted more, so much more and soon, despite Kurt's weak protests, he was sliding down his body and taking him into his mouth, bobbing his head until he could feel the head of Kurt's cock reach the back of his throat. Kurt was on the edge already, far gone from feeling so much, and his fingers came down onto Blaine's head, twirling into his hair, obviously trying to stop himself from bucking into the warmth of Blaine's mouth. Blaine moaned around him, his hands going under Kurt's ass to guide him into a pace he could handle without choking horribly. The sounds Kurt was making only made Blaine harder as they echoed against the walls, the little pleads and the long moans.
"I'm gonna come, get back up here," Kurt finally managed to say, tugging on his hair.
Blaine obeyed, and now the drag felt a little wetter, their rhythm a little out of tune but so good it made them breathless. The head of Kurt's cock caught on his own and now Kurt was coming in long, white streaks between them, arching his back and moaning Blaine's name, and it was enough to bring Blaine into his own orgasm. It hit him so suddenly he felt his whole body convulsing as his come and Kurt's mixed on their chests and their lips tried to meet in a kiss, open mouthed and too desperate but just as perfect.
They collapsed against each other, panting so hard it made their ribcages vibrate. They were sweaty and disgusting, and so enormously happy that Blaine couldn't actually believe he was allowed to feel like this.
Suddenly Kurt was laughing into his shoulder, and Blaine took the opportunity to kiss up his neck, loving the scent of Kurt that was so, so intoxicating right there.
"What?" He asked, as Kurt continued to laugh.
"It's just that I think I'm gonna get super turned on whenever I see a tulip now," Kurt replied, making Blaine snort at the absurdity of it. "You managed to make a beautiful flower into something dirty."
"Bad dirty?" Blaine said, lifting his head enough to look Kurt in the eyes.
"Mm, no, the best kind," Kurt said. He ran his fingers through Blaine's hair, and Blaine didn't care that it probably looked wild, his curls free from the product. "I love you."
Blaine's heart melted into a puddle. "I love you, too."
"Wanna go home with me?" Kurt's lips now found his jaw and began to trace it. "I need a shower, but I'm pretty sure I have a couple more rounds in me tonight."
"Greedy," Blaine teased, but he was nodding eagerly at the same time.
They cleaned up, which took a little longer than it should have because they kept getting distracted kissing each other, and put their clothes back on. Blaine gathered the picnic basket while Kurt folded the blanket. He would take care of the rest tomorrow. Tonight, he only cared about Kurt.
Ten minutes later they were sitting in the back of a cab, and twenty minutes later they were slipping into Kurt's empty apartment. They dropped their things as soon as they crossed the front door and Kurt pressed him against the wall to kiss him until he couldn't think straight, only to pull away and grab his hand to take him into the bathroom.
A little later, they fell onto Kurt's bed, still wet from their shower. Blaine whispered his name into the darkness and Kurt caught it in his mouth as they began to kiss, and it started all over again, skin on skin and wandering hands, and too much lube on eager fingers. The night was filled with their pants and the sound of their bodies meeting, becoming one.
They fell asleep into each other's arms as the sun was coming up over New York. Just when Blaine had thought everything was ending, life gave him this, a new beginning, something so beautiful he wanted to treasure it forever.
Kurt was warm and safe next to him, solid and real, and he made Blaine hopeful. Wounds would heal, until they were nothing but scars. Cooper was gone but he had given him this, had guided him to Kurt, had made them walk into each other's lives and fall in love.
Even the most painful moments opened up possibilities for happiness, for healing, for building something new out of the ashes.
Blaine shifted in his sleep and opened his eyes, watching Kurt sleep peacefully and tangled up in him. Then he looked out the window at the clearing early morning sky, and smiled a little. He thought of his big brother's frantic search for the love of Blaine's life and, as he tightened his arms around Kurt's body, right before he fell back asleep, he whispered: "Mission accomplished, Coop. You found him."
I honestly can't believe this is over. It's been a wild ride, you guys. And I'm so glad you decided to come along.
This story started over a year ago while I was at work one morning and the first paragraph of the first chapter popped into my head – Cooper was the key in this story from the very beginning. So I opened a new doc in my work computer and typed it quickly just to get it out of my head. And there it sat for a very long time, nearly forgotten. At first, my idea was to return to it and turn it into an original story with new characters, but I never did. And then this year, spending so much time at home and needing to get excited about writing again, I found it, and there was no turning back. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did while writing it.
A few thank you notes are in order:
First of all, Christine, my wonderful wonderful beta, who makes my writing so much better. But that's not all she is – she is an amazing friend, one that's been there for me for many, many years now. I've been lucky to find great friends in this fandom, and she's one of the earliest ones. Can't believe she's put up with me for this long, really. I'm grateful for her patience and knowledge, her kindness when correcting mistakes that I know are stupid, and her keen eye for typos. You guys have no idea how many silly typos I make in a story. She's my champion.
Second of all, Cam, who gave me the final push I needed to come back to these boys and write a new story. She is also an amazing friend, who's encouraged me even when everything seemed to go wrong and never let me give up. Kurt and Blaine have owned my heart since they first appeared on a TV screen, and I missed them a lot during these past few years that I wasn't writing about them, and she helped me remember how much joy they brought to my days. I wasn't sure at first whether I should write another story, whether anyone would be out there to read it, and she convinced me that there were people who still loved Klaine as much as we did. And oh boy, was she right. Thanks, Cam.
The lovely Twitter crew, the ones who are always excited for the updates and ready to send me tweets right after they read each chapter. The We Hate Nick Club, and the ones who needed hugs and the ones who always found the perfect reaction gifs and all of you. Every single one of you. You know who you are and I want you to know I appreciate you so so so so much. You make me smile even on the hardest days.
And, of course, to all of you, who have been there even when the story got heavy and upsetting, who never failed to leave comments and make me reach levels of happiness I didn't know I could reach again. Whether you've been with me since Syrup and Honey or this is the first story I've written that you've ever read, I have so much love and gratitude for you. You've given me hope, and this year... well, that's something worth treasuring.
This note is getting longer than the chapter, so before I lose your attention, I want you all to know there's a new story coming soon. It's fully written and will update on Wednesdays and Saturdays, as this one did in the beginning. Stay tuned for details and dates - there will be a preview with all the necessary announcements coming up on Monday, so you can check my twitter (theficwhisperer) or tumblr (heartsmadeofbooks) for news (all the links are in my profile!). If you don't use either of those sites, you can just set up an alert here so you get notified for the new one :) I'm excited to share it with you.
Now that I'm back, I don't think I'm going anywhere. I hope you guys don't mind putting up with me a little longer!
It's been a pleasure writing about these two silly boys falling in love again, as well as hanging out with Burt and Cooper. Thank you for giving me the chance to do this crazy thing all over again.
With so much love, and flowers for each and every one of you.
Fearlessly and forever,
L.-