Author's Note:
Hi, guys! What do you think of new beginnings?
Jen
"I have so enjoyed your company, Miss Bennet," Georgiana said and after exchanging a look with her brother, added: "Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, Miss Bennet, my brother and I would be honoured if you would be our guests at Pemberley for dinner. Would tomorrow evening be convenient?"
"Thank you. We shall be delighted," Mrs. Gardiner replied.
Fifteen minutes later, Fitzwilliam watched the carriage carrying the love of his life as it drove away.
15.
Elizabeth was confused. The man she had met at Pemberley today was not Mr. Darcy. This man smiled and laughed, talked to her relatives in trade and was warm and kind to everyone. This man teased her! No, he was not Mr. Darcy! She tried to explain this to her aunt and uncle and received a full retelling of Mrs. Reynolds' words about her master as proof that Mr. Darcy had always been kind.
To his people, perhaps, but not to us, she thought. Mr. Darcy had been barely civil most of the time and extremely rude sometimes. It both confused and gratified her exceedingly. But why? Why was he so altered? From what could it proceed?
It cannot be for me—it cannot be for my sake that his manners are thus softened. My reproofs at Hunsford could not work such a change as this. It is impossible that he should still love me!
The commendation bestowed on him by Mrs. Reynolds was of no trifling nature. What praise is more valuable than the praise of an intelligent servant? As a brother, a landlord, a master, she considered how many people's happiness were in his guardianship!—how much of pleasure or pain was it in his power to bestow!—how much of good or evil must be done by him!
Her reflections, however, offered no answers. She was not so vain as to suppose it was all for her—though a part of her insisted it was. But now, after the first meeting was over and had passed so amiably, she thought she could encounter him with equanimity. She held no grudge against him, so she would return his pleasant manners with her usual liveliness and teasing. Perhaps he had been honest when he said he wanted his sister to be his friend and she was more than willing to offer her friendship to the sweet and shy girl. She would be herself with her and even with him.
Fitzwilliam had a plan. Before the dream, he would have spent as much time with Elizabeth as possible, trying to convince her he had changed while pretending he had not made the worst blunder of his life. But now his father's words echoed in his head.
"A gentleman recognises his mistakes and fixes them."
He would not hide. He would follow his father's advice and recognise his mistakes. He would apologise. Therefore, soon after the Gardiners and Elizabeth arrived the next evening, he suggested a stroll in the garden. Georgiana asked to be excused as she had a few details to settle with Mrs. Reynolds about dinner, but the rest of the party walked out. Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner seemed to know he wished to speak with Elizabeth and walked at a slower pace behind them. He was extremely grateful with the couple who was tactful enough to keep them within sight but out of earshot.
Unbeknownst to him, there was another couple serving as chaperones within earshot.
"Miss Bennet," Fitzwilliam began, taking a deep breath and silently begging his heartbeat to slow down. "I hope you do not mind speaking to me. I would not wish to make you uncomfortable, but there is something I feel I must say."
Although Elizabeth was apprehensive, he did not seem angry, so she did not think he would scold her for her cruel words at Hunsford. But how could she be sure? Each time she thought she knew this man, he surprised her with something new.
"I am willing to hear you, sir," she replied, hoping she would not regret it.
"I must beg your forgiveness for the way I have treated you since..." he stopped short and shook his head in self-disgust. "Well, ever since we were introduced."
Elizabeth was so astonished she could barely form words. Out of all the things she thought this man could possibly say to her, an apology had never crossed her mind.
Seeing that she was speechless, he continued. "My words at the assembly were ungentlemanly and untrue, and since then I have done nothing but offend you. Although it was never my intention, I can now see that any lady would, and should, be offended. I could try to explain my behaviour to you, but I know there are no excuses for it and I can hardly think of it without abhorrence. I was wrong, horribly wrong about everything. I deserved your reproofs and I can only thank you for them, for now, I shall strive to be better."
My reproofs! Elizabeth's mind was spinning as she realised that her speculations had been right. It was indeed for her that he was so altered!
"I... Mr. Darcy..." she stammered, attempting to regain her composure. "I, of course, accept your apology and offer my own for the way I abused you so horribly to your face."
Fitzwilliam could not help but smile—both in relief that she accepted his apology and at the idea that she might need to apologise to him!
"You need not apologise, Miss Bennet. It was I who insulted you time and time again."
"Let us not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening," said Elizabeth. "The conduct of neither, if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then, we have both, I hope, improved in civility."
"I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. The recollection of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it, is now and has been for months, inexpressibly painful to me. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner. Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me; though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice."
"I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression. I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way."
"I can easily believe it. You thought me then devoid of every proper feeling, I am sure you did."
"Mr. Darcy, let us forget the whole evening. It was disastrous and it shall not reflect well on either."
"I am afraid that I cannot forget it, Miss Bennet. Painful recollections will intrude which cannot, which ought not, to be repelled. No, I must learn from it. I have been a selfish being all my life. As a child, I was given good principles, but after my parents died, I followed them in pride and conceit. I took care of my own people but thought meanly of all the rest of the world. I thought their sense and worth was beneath my own and such I might still have been but for you…" he trailed off. He turned his eyes to her and wished he had the right to brush his thumb over her cheek, to tell her he was the dearest person to him in the entire world, but he could not. The conversation was already more private and intimate than propriety allowed, but he still wished for her to know that it was all for her. "I am in your debt, Miss Bennet. You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled."
Elizabeth looked down as she felt a blush spread over her cheeks. She could not help but be flattered that a man as powerful and proud as Mr. Darcy had changed because of her reproofs.
It does not mean he still loves you, a voice said in her head and she was surprised by it. She did not wish for him to love her. Surely not!
"You took measures, did you not?" she asked.
The question took him so much by surprise that he could not but blurt out: "I beg your pardon?"
"Against Mr. Wickham," she added. "My father asked me about my stay in Kent and allowed me to read your letter. It was very kind of you to warn him and to remove Mr. Wickham from Meryton. I thank you on behalf of my family and my neighbours."
"I only did what I should have done years ago."
"What about Mr. Bingley?" she asked slyly with a smile on her face as she tried to make him confess.
"What about my friend?"
Elizabeth chuckled. "Come, Mr. Darcy, I know all about your good deeds. You need not hide them from me."
"What do you think you know, Miss Bennet?" he asked with a smile, relieved and glad to see her laugh.
"I know that Mr. Bingley returned to Netherfield, after an absence of seven months, directly from Pemberley. Do you claim that it is a coincidence?"
"I do not claim anything."
His diplomatic answer triggered the smile he adored the most. He watched with delight as she arched her brow and smiled mischievously at him.
"I know exactly what happened so I do not need your confession."
"Would you be so kind as to tell me what happened, then?" he teased her back.
"Of course, as you were there, you already know, but I shall tell you so you can marvel at how bright and smart I am," she said and was surprised, again, by his laughter.
"Please, continue."
"Your behaviour to me now leads me to believe that you confessed your intervention to Mr. Bingley, apologised to him and advised him to seek my sister. You prompted his return. Jane has never been happier and for that, you have my gratitude."
He smiled faded then. "I do not want your gratitude, Miss Bennet. You need not thank me for fixing my mistakes."
"Well, then. If not my gratitude, what do you want, Mr. Darcy?"
She knew it was a dangerous question to ask, for she might not wish to hear the answer, but there was a feeling of excitement and anticipation in her chest that she could not explain.
Your hand, your heart! Fitzwilliam wished he could reply, but he settled for less, which was still, he thought, more than he deserved.
"Your forgiveness."
"You had that already," she said. She stopped walking and turned to him, before casting a glance at her aunt and uncle who seemed to be distracted by the landscape. "You have my forgiveness and my friendship if you wish it. Let us start over, Mr. Darcy."
She offered her hand to him in reconciliation and for a second he could hardly breathe. The scene was so similar to the one of both his dreams that he struggled not to let his apprehension show. However, he knew what he had to do. He took her hand immediately, with no doubt or hesitation, almost as soon as it was offered.
I choose you! he repeated the words of his dream in his mind and enjoyed the heavenly feeling of her soft, gloveless hand in his. This has to be a sign.
"Pleased to meet you, sir. I am Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourn," she curtsied.
He beamed at her, his heart filling with joy at the opportunity that this reintroduction could give him.
"Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley," he bowed over her hand, resisting the temptation to kiss it. "Delighted to make your acquaintance, Madam."
As he said the words, his entire world shifted and his plans changed. This was more than he had ever expected and he could not help but hope. His plan had been to show her, by every civility in his power, that he was not so mean as to resent the past. He had hoped to obtain her forgiveness and to lessen her ill opinion, by apologising and letting her see that her reproofs had been attended to. Now he realised that if they started over, if she could truly forgive all his mistakes, he might be able to gain her good opinion.
She did not love him, but she might in time! Perhaps if he courted her...
The problem was that he had no idea how a gentleman courted a lady. He had always been sought out and he had never thought he would have to persuade a lady to marry him. Could he even do it? Was he worthy of a woman like Elizabeth?
As he held her hand in his own and saw her standing on his grounds, he realised that she looked at home here. She belonged here at Pemberley. He would court her openly and he would not hide his feelings for her anymore. She deserved to know she was loved and admired. He knew all too well what had happened the last time he had courted her discreetly, even without her knowledge. This time, no one would doubt his love. For his own wellbeing, he needed to be aware that he might not succeed, but he could not throw away this opportunity and spend the rest of his life wondering what could have been had he been braver. No. He knew he had to try, even if it killed him.
I do not own any Pride and Prejudice properties, nor do I make any money from the writing of this story.
Characters and situations, created by Jane Austen, are taken from Pride and Prejudice and from the Pride and Prejudice (1995) adaptation created by Simon Langton and distributed by BBC.
This story is released under the GPL/CC BY: verbatim copying and distribution of this entire work are permitted worldwide, without royalty, in any medium, provided attribution is preserved.