Only after some knights had sought the conversation with the queen or with the king, finally both could withdraw into the royal chamber. When the door behind them closed, Arthur said: "At last. Finally alone and no longer having to make big decisions, no more worried minds to calm down, no more listening to crazy ideas. I have rarely seen the knights so talkative."
Gwen sympathetically said: "Yes, it's not just you who is very upset by the topic, it's a big change for others, too.
Gwen smiled, and Arthur wanted to know why.
"It's Merlin. He is almost as carefree as before, but somehow detached, as if the responsibility of the whole world no longer rests on his shoulders. By the way, the idea with the magicians, who also have fighting skills, was very inventive."
"I don't think he was as inventive as you think. If I understood it correctly, he knows at least one magician friend who also has a command of martial arts. He can't mean Sir Mordred, because he doesn't need to send him a letter, since he can contact him directly. Do you have an idea who he could mean?"
"No, I haven't the faintest idea," she said shrugging her shoulders. The rumbling in the hallway and the opening of the door interrupted further speculation, as the said person stumbled in the door with dinner.
Merlin bowed and greeted her with: "My queen, my king. I am glad to see you well up. You must be hungry, since lunch has been cancelled. The kitchen went to extra effort this evening and cook Berta supervised everything with Argus eyes. Today we have roasted pigeons with fried potatoes and tomatoes. And believe me, it tastes delicious, because I was already allowed to try my own small portion."
"Gwen, I really don't know if I can bear such an overjoyed Merlin. He is polite - Gwen, that's creepy," Arthur noted.
Gwen shook her head laughing, patted her husband on the shoulder and sat down at the table Merlin was already on the blanket. Arthur also sat down and began to eat. While eating, he could watch Merlin cleaning up the room with a broad grin. His wife was right, he moved a little more upright, more unbiased. He was happy for Merlin, even if the release of magic made him nauseous. He didn't want to admit it to himself, but Merlin's euphoric ideas were really good. He absolutely had to go to the library and ask his librarian what he knew about magic, if he knew other scholars you could contact and if there were books about it. He would have preferred a book entitled 'Magic for Beginners - Everything you need to know on ten pages'.
He sighed and Merlin then asked, "Can I do something for you, Arthur?
He looked up and was about to shake his head, when he heard himself say: "Which friend with fighting skills did you just talk about?
Gwen also interrupted her meal and looked at Merlin curiously.
Merlin promptly replied: "Gilli!
Arthur first looked at Merlin, then at Gwen and again at Merlin.

"As a young wizard, Gilli came to Camelot years ago to participate in a combat tournament in which your father also took part. He was young, rather slender and not taken seriously. However, he had inherited a ring from his father, which bundled and strengthened his magical powers. To be able to handle such a ring is a sign of a high talent. I was in the armoury to mend your armour and two tournament participants came and bullied me. Either because I was your servant or because they simply enjoyed torturing the supposedly weak. Gilli intervened and asked the man to lie down on the whip. The man didn't listen, of course, and got a little beating from Gilli, who only used a touch of his magic, since he knew how to use the sword and the whip. He did not know me. He only helped me because he knew the feeling of being 'piss-plied'. He was rather inconspicuous and kind, but the fight and the power changed him. Merlin stared at himself and for a moment he was deeply lost in his thoughts. "He used magic to fight the enemy in front of everyone, but nobody seemed to notice. But when he healed a wound with the ring in the castle, the guards noticed this and he lost the ring when he escaped. Gaius and I found it and I went to see Gilli. At first he didn't believe me that he didn't have to be afraid of me, because I would not betray him. I gave him back the ring and he told me about his father. This one was

was a gifted magician, but he never used his magic. He was afraid that Uther might learn of his magic. Even when he was attacked by three men, he did not use the ring and was killed. I wanted to return the favour. Gilli had defended me in front of the other two tournament fighters and I wanted to save his life. Even though there were no rules in this tournament, magic was still forbidden. He wanted to use all of his art - including magic - because he believed that without magic, he was a nobody, worth nothing. Even at the risk of being executed, he did not want to drop out of the tournament. In the next round he killed one of the men who had harassed me and also him in the fight. He never wanted to kill anyone, he just wanted to be respected. He had already made the decision to drop out of the tournament when he received the recognition of the Tarvenen visitors".
Arthur interrupted Merlin. "I remember how hard it was to let my own father win back then." He took a short break, grabbed his head and exclaimed: "I have complained about how hard it is to live with someone who always thinks he is the best."
Merlin smiled and said, "Yes, and I thought it would be rather annoying." He grinned even wider and Arthur finally understood.
"You spoke from personal experience. I always thought I was the best, but you could have defeated me and my father in the blink of an eye," Arthur replied half-asked.
Merlin merely confirmed this with a nod and Arthur just looked at his servant in shock.
"What happened next," Gwen asked.

"Since Arthur let his father win, Gilli and the King were in the final. Gaius wanted to warn the King, but I wanted to talk to Gilli again. I had Gaius, who taught me the right way to use magic - Gilli had never had anyone like that. I wanted to prevent Uther or Gilli from finding death. I confronted him. His fellow men finally showed him respect. He could not imagine that anyone else could feel as he did. He was finally no longer a nobody, no longer pushed around, no one made fun of him anymore. He was finally no longer lonely. When you are more powerful than anyone you know and you live a shadowy existence and never reveal your whole self, it makes you very lonely. You know that you are something special, but you always have to look like a fool... So that he really understood that I knew exactly how he was doing, I showed him that I too could do magic. I used the same spell that I used to show you, Gwen, my magic - a bright flame that floated on the inside of my hand. Unfortunately, this was the confirmation for Gilli that he had to fight Uther. Because of Uther, so many of us had died. How many more were to die? For him it was time for the wizards to finally strike back. Gilli should learn that magic should be used for good and that it was not there to flatter his vanity. He would not apologize for who he was, he would not hide any further. He wanted to stand up for himself and for people like me. I did not know what to do. I couldn't betray Gilli or watch Uther be killed by magic. So I called Kilgharrah and asked his advice. The dragon prophesied that if you, Arthur, saw your father killed by magic, you too would condemn magic. I waited for the finale and Gilli appeared. He was fighting Uther and tried to kill him. I used magic so that his shield fell out of his hand and he could not apply the deadly sword stroke. I intervened again when Uther was lying on the ground with only one shield. Gilli looked for my eye contact again and finally he listened to my head shaking. After that I sought him out again. He thought I had betrayed him, but he had betrayed us. Actually he had already won, but he wanted revenge - he wanted to kill the king anyway. That had nothing to do with honor. Magic should not be used for fighting to gain glory. Then Gilli finally understood his father. He wasn't afraid of magic, but of what it could do, how it could change you, if you let it. Gilli realized that his father was strong, not cowardly. I told him of my hope that magic might be allowed to happen again one day, that we might meet again and finally be free.

For a long time it was quiet in the royal chambers. Merlin hung on to his thoughts and did not notice how Arthur and Gwen communicated with small gestures. Gwen pointed to Merlin with a challenging gesture. Arthur understood the hint, but didn't know what to say to his friend - again. Arthur couldn't let go of the following sentence: "When you are more powerful than all the others you know". He pondered for a while until he realized that this aspect made him feel like Merlin.
"I understand how lonely you can get when you are more powerful than everyone else. The office of king is usually a very lonely one. Rarely do you know whether you are being offered help just for your own sake or whether it is a calculating act. Power instills respect, but also fear in other people. I have often wondered where your self-assurance and loose mouth come from. I remember when you challenged me at our second meeting. You knew by now that I was the prince, and yet you called me a royal ass. Even at the prospect of a fight with me you did not become submissive or back down. If I remember correctly, you even warned me against a fight with you. You could have easily defeated me if you didn't have to use magic in secret."
Gwen interrupted Arthur with her own concerns: "I can hardly imagine what it was like for you to be so powerful and still be perceived as a fool by your outside world. How could you endure this for so long?"

Merlin looked at his queen with moist eyes and answered in a husky voice: "There are several reasons for this. For one, I had Gaius, who taught me and also praised me. In his eyes I was no fool, but a young magician who did everything in his power to protect his friends and to see magic freed sometime. Also the encounter with other druids was frightening on one side and comforting on the other side. The conversations were frightening because of the expectations that were placed in me and comforting because I didn't have to pretend and my magic was accepted and respected. The fact that I was perceived as a fool by the outside world certainly saved my life more than once. When I wanted to save you, Gwen, because you were accused of magic, Arthur could not imagine this, defended me, because he saw in me only an idiot in love. Furthermore, my fighting skills are really not outstanding, because I never had to learn to fight properly. I just didn't have time to practice with the sword, because it was more important and effective to protect Arthur and learn more spells. Even though I was often said to be lying on the ground or apparently hiding when fighting, this was an excellent position to be able to cast spells unobtrusively. I also never threw myself into the fighting action and often stayed behind so that I could keep an eye on the fighting scene and quickly intervene with magic unnoticed. Of course, it wasn't always easy not to scream in your face sometimes, Arthur, that I can understand you very well when the responsibility of a whole kingdom lies on your own shoulders, because I feel the same way. But what good would that have done me? I could have given myself a short breath, but I didn't want to risk the possible consequences of such an outburst. I wanted to prevent at all costs that I could no longer be at your side. You may be great with the sword, Arthur, but you're not usually good with magic.
"How come it never occurred to you to overthrow me or my father and rule by yourself?" Arthur asked for a hamlet.
Merlin made a defensive gesture and said, "No, I'd rather leave the crown and all the obligations and constraints to you. My fate is to protect you. Besides, your people love you, your knights are absolutely loyal to you and you are a fair king. It would be pure selfishness and not for the good of Camelot to usurp the throne. I am perfectly content to act in the background, to ward off misfortune from you and Camelot and to see you in the center of the action. I share your desire for peace and also my vision of you freeing magic is within my grasp. I also believe that you will unite Albion. I hope that you can enjoy the fruits of your influence until... until old age," Merlin ended abruptly.

Gwen watched Merlin closely and asked, "What's bothering you? She saw pain in Merlin's eyes.
Gwen and also Arthur waited patiently until Merlin replied quietly, "I am afraid. I am afraid that I will fail. Fail and not be able to protect you. I can think of nothing worse than watching you die. I wouldn't know how to bear it and how to live with this guilt."
Merlin stared at his hands and could not force a word over his lips.
Arthur bridged the distance to Merlin and put one hand on his shoulder. Merlin looked into Arthur's eyes in surprise when he said: "Merlin, you may be a powerful magician, but you are not omnipotent. At some point my time will be over. I have only a hunch of how much sooner death could have overtaken me, and I am very grateful to you for making it possible for me both to become King of Camelot and to crown Gwen, the love of my life, as Queen. Even if I should at some point cease to be alive, I am in your hearts, and I look with confidence to the future of Camelot with Gwen as Queen and you, Merlin, as sorcerer".
Meanwhile, Gwen had tears in her eyes as she could not imagine a time without Arthur. She doubted that she had the strength to rule without Arthur, and she did not want to experience it at all.
"You have had a vision in which you see my death, am I right?", Arthur asked suddenly.
Merlin's eyes widened in horror and he was about to start denying it when he saw Arthur's gaze. "I... I don't know what to answer," Merlin finally said and lowered his eyes. He heard a helpless sound from Gwen, but he could not look up and risk Arthur seeing the truth in his eyes.
"Don't worry, I won't ask when, or where, or even who is going to kill me."
"I didn't say that..." Merlin tried to save the day.
"No, Merlin, you didn't, but you didn't immediately deny my question. You saw my death in a vision and therefore you were very afraid of failing. I know too little about visions. But your fear suggests that they always happen, and that there is not much that can be done about it. All the more reason to use the time I have left wisely."
"Have you no fear of your own death?" Merlin asks in amazement.
"No, I am not afraid of my own death. But I am very much afraid of experiencing the death of Gwen, or your death. One should not mourn the dead, but the living, who feel the loss of the human being in their heart. That is why I am so grateful that you recognized so much earlier what an extraordinary woman Guinevere is, that you count her among your friends, and that she was under your protection long before she became queen".
Gwen had to search for the right words until she finally asked Merlin, "Why have you always protected me?
Merlin looked at Gwen without understanding and replied, "Of course I protected you. You have been one of my closest friends for years. But that's just the one reason. I have not only protected Arthur, but you, his heart. After the incident with Lancelot's shadow, I could observe how unhappy Arthur was. His heart bled because you were no longer at his side. They say that Arthur and I are like two sides of the same coin, but they didn't consider how important you are for his salvation.

Hey guys,

I´m back with another chapter. This story means so much to me and it goes slowly to an end.

BUT THAT´S NOT THE END FOR ME!

I still will write another Merlin story after this, since my account got hacked weeks ago, I´m now able again to post the story I postet here in the last time. So stay tuned for the next few months, there will be more and more.

I´m also updatng my website for 2021 and I will put the link to my website in the very last chapter of this story, so you can see on my website all my stories, podcasts and more.

See ya soon:)