I'm in quarantine right now, so let's see how many chapters I can get out.
Also… that UX update hurt.
Kingdom Hearts © to Disney and Square Enix!
My OCs © to me!
Perdita © to chibi-mushroom!
Other OCs to their respective owners!
Chapter 29: Digging Deeper
Kairi slept, albeit difficultly.
Her eyelids flickered open to the warm walls of Lucky's room. But Lucky and Stella were nowhere to be seen.
She sat up. Chirithy lay between Shadow and Bubbles at the foot of her mattress. Hoping not to disturb them, Kairi got up, moving toward the door. She pushed it open quietly and stepped into the hall.
"Kairi?"
"Oh!?" She jumped, turning around. "General! I'm sorry. You just startled me."
The woman smiled warmly. "I'm sorry. I was coming to see if you were awake."
"I just got up."
"Good." Aiko placed a hand on her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm… not sure yet."
The general's smile widened. "Well, I hope you'll find today to bring hope. Cid knows where to find some of the materials for your Keyblade. He wants you and Yozora to join him."
"But isn't Yozora-"
"Recovered physically and mostly mentally. Breaking your Keyblade shocked him back yesterday, and he's been muttering 'I'm sorry Kairi' since he woke up. Cid thinks this will be good for both of you."
What else did she have to do today?
"Sure."
The two walked down to Kairi's room, where the girl changed. "So, he's feeling bad about yesterday…"
"And he's worried. He's asked if you're ok at least ten times. He's angry and sad. And I think a little scared. Never has Frode wrestled that much control from him, but it appears that the incident with Magia set it off."
"Can't blame him."
"I know. It messed with all of us." Aiko reached into her large jacket pocket when Kairi finished dressing. "Here. Some pumpkin baozi for breakfast. Cid should be waiting in the hanger for you, so don't keep him waiting."
"Sure."
The girl took a few bites out of the bun as she walked. Her head felt heavy and cloudy, unable to really understand what she was feeling.
Anger? Not really.
Sadness? Maybe a bit.
Confusion? Yeah.
Anxiety? That was it… Not as bad as that full on attack she'd had once, but she was anxious.
What if they didn't find the materials for her Keyblade? What then…?
She'd be stuck here without Sora forever.
Her feet carried her down into the hanger. Yozora and Cid stood near the back of the airship waiting. "Kairi! Over here!"
She walked over, glancing at the prince, who averted his eyes.
"Hope you're ready for some exploring! We're going into the caves under the city!"
"Caves?"
Cid grinned widely. "Yeah. Now, there might be monsters down there, and since you and Yozora are without weapons, I'll protect you!"
Yozora didn't have weapons?
He didn't.
Aiko probably had them confiscated for the time being. Smart.
"Now. Let's get moving!" He walked toward another hallway. "I've heard rumors tat tonberries used to live down here. Maybe we'll meet one! Oh that would be so amazing!"
The maze of hallways he lead them down seemed endless. But Yozora never spoke a word. Awkward.
"So…" Kairi finally said after a while, "are you feeling better?"
"Don't worry about me. How are you feeling?"
"I'm as ok as I can be."
"I'm sorry…"
"It wasn't your fault, Yozora."
"No. It was. I just can't seem to stop hurting people close to me."
From where she walked, Kairi could see his silver eyes shining brightly. This was really him speaking, not that hard exterior he liked to put up.
"Here it is!" Cid cheered.
A door covered in yellow "CAUTION" tape stood before them.
The engineer pulled out a knife to cut the tape. "We were planning to expand the hanger this way eventually, but right now it just leads into the old subway tunnels. A few of them collapsed back in the day and exposed ancient caverns and mines. The few recon teams we've sent down there have mentioned some of the materials that you would need for a new Keyblade, so that's where we're headed."
Cid pulled the door open, revealing a black abyss before them. "Here." He tossed them both a headlamp. "All the subway lighting has gone out, so it's pitch black." He put one on his head, flicking it on to illuminate the bare tunnel before them. It seemed to be an abandoned subway station.
Creepy.
Kairi put the headlamp on and turned it on, as did Yozora.
"Watch your step." Cid called as he jumped through the door.
A foot-long step lay beneath the door, so Kairi jumped down. Yozora followed, closing the door behind them. Any light from the base vanished.
The three alone in the dark, stale air.
"Well, better get moving." Cid strode off, walking at a brisk pace.
The other two followed behind him as he talked.
"The tunnels go for about a quarter of a mile before the cave entrance can be found, so it shouldn't take us all day if we keep moving."
The walk seemed almost unreal, as if Kairi was walking into the Realm of Darkness. She'd never been there, but a dark place with stale air and creepily quiet atmosphere was just what she pictured. Everything within her wanted to cling to one of her companions for fear the darkness would swallow her up.
Maybe it was a Princess of Heart thing to be greatly fearful of pure darkness like that.
"Kairi." Cid spoke softly, slowing so he could walk beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"Right now? Scared out of my mind."
"Not a fan of the dark?"
"No."
"Well, then we'll talk about something else. How about yesterday… what were you feeling yesterday?"
Yesterday?
Great.
"I felt… I feel… stupid. I should've asked for help before this got this bad. And not just from Phinehas. I can communicate with my friends through dreams. I could've asked for help, but I didn't want to look weak. I'm always making messes, getting people hurt, and having to be saved. Just once I wanted to get myself out of my own mess. But now I've made it worse." She sighed. "It's like every time I try to do something. Every time I try to be brave and be the hero I screw it up somehow. And someone else gets hurt."
"Like Sora?"
"Yes…"
"Do you blame himself for his death?"
"I know I shouldn't, but I still do. If I had just stayed out of it Sora would still be here."
"You don't know that." Cid whispered. "So, how did he die exactly?"
Kairi answered, explaining what happened from the point he dove back into dreams to save everyone, how she was killed, and how he saved her.
Yozora never said anything.
He just listened.
"Kairi, it sounds to me like he knew what the cost was, and chose to pay it willingly. You didn't kill him. He chose to sacrifice himself for you. That's not your fault."
Kairi bit her lip as Young Xehanort's face flashed before her eyes. "Someone like you could never save anyone. So, remember, Kairi… you killed him."
Tears pricked at her eyes, unable to hold themselves back any further. "I-I just… I promised! I promised I'd keep him safe."
She sobbed, stopping in her tracks as her body shuddered.
"I get it." Yozora whispered. "The maiden and I knew our fates, and she willingly chose to go along with it. She made me swear on my own life to pull that trigger when the time came. I never wanted to… never."
Cid glanced around. "Well, we're far enough into the cave, let's take a break." He plopped onto the ground.
Cave? Kairi hadn't even noticed they'd left the subway and stood now in a tunnel of dark rock. Stalactites hung from the ceiling overhead, and water dripped. Somewhere she could hear a trickle of water running, the sound echoing through the cave.
She and Yozora sat down beside one another.
Two of a kind they were.
"Did you know, I was engaged once?" Cid asked, eyes focused on a small tonberry toy in his hand. "Beautiful young woman named Perdita. She was a lover and a fighter who could stand beside me and the king in our glory days. Beautiful girl… I loved her with all my heart. She was kind, if not a little unsure of herself. Honestly, Kairi, you remind me a lot of her." He looked up at them. "I made her a custom weapon to fight off the gigas when they attacked. She asked me to make it. I was so excited, but… I overdid it. The gun I made was too powerful. It knocked her off her feet, stunning her long enough… just long enough for a giga to crush her under its heel."
"Cid…"
"I hated myself so much. I'd made that weapon, and because of it she died. I sat out of so much of the war against the gigas after that; you would always find me in a bar, drowning my sorrows in a drink. It was your father, Yozora, who snapped me out of it. Him, and an up and coming general by the name of Aiko. I still struggle with the drink sometimes, but I had to accept something. Perdita wouldn't want me to wallow in grief. She would want me to move on. Not to say that grief itself is bad, because we need it to help deal with our feelings, but we shouldn't wallow in it and hurt ourselves in the process. I firmly believe that the maiden and Sora wouldn't want you to wallow in grief either. So, please… stop blaming yourself. It hurts only yourself."
Kairi wrung her hands. "But what if there's a chance to get them back?"
"All the more reason to stop blaming yourself. That way they won't lecture you about it when they get back."
Yozora stifled a chuckle. "She would lecture me…"
"Probably." Cid stretched before standing. "Come on. We can't waste time if we want to get your Keyblade materials." He helped Kairi stand up as Yozora got to his feet. "Follow the sound of water. There should be a cavern with a pool in it. That's the place."
"Alright."
"Apparently that cavern is where tonberries are supposed to live!"
"Whatever you say, Cid."
The cave seemed less scary than the subway station. The running water gave it some life, making Kairi picture the secret place. The sound of water dripping from the various vines, and the small pools that would form after a rainstorm.
"There!" Cid cheered.
The cave opened up into a large cavern. Their lights bounced off the pool in the middle and various gems in the walls.
"Aw… no tonberries… Oh well. We came here for gems. So, Kairi, what kind of Keyblade are you thinking? Physically powerful, magically inclined, or a balance?"
"Balance."
"Alright then." He handed them each a list with pictures of various gems and a small hammer. "We'll need some blaze, bright, frost, lucid, and thunder shards for magic. And power, spirit, and serenity shards for power(1). Get some extra bright and serenity shards too. I think those really fit Kairi. Now, hop to it."
Kairi took her list over to a wall, gently touching a spirit shard. The gem glistened under her touch, pulsing with magic.
Another step closer to fixing her Keyblade.
"Nice job!" Cid dropped the last shard into his bag. "That should be plenty."
"Cid," Yozora spoke up. "I was thinking… you ever told us how you stopped blaming yourself for Perdita's death."
Cid looked up. "I didn't? Well let's fix that." He looked them both square in the eyes. "I forgave myself."
"Huh?"
"I accepted that I did have some sort of hand in her death. We all did, whether willing or not. And then I forgave myself for that. Now, that's easier said than done itself, but even if you have to look in the mirror and tell yourself that, you need to do it. It's the hardest thing to do, but it makes all the difference in the end."
"Forgive myself…" Kairi clasped her hand over her heart.
Yozora stared at the floor, silently thinking. "Thanks Cid."
"No problem. And here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out two little toy lanterns. "Perdita gave me a massive box of them. They're tonberry lanterns. She said I should give them to people who need some light in their life. And right now, you two need it."
"Thanks Cid." Kairi looked down at it. If she'd had her Keyblade, it could've been a keychain. Maybe it could be one when her Keyblade was fixed.
"Thanks…" Yozora's gaze softened, his silver eye glistening as he looked up. "Wait…" He began to walk toward the pool.
Kairi followed after him. "Yozora?"
The prince looked around. "I… know this place. I remember it." He jogged to the other side of the cavern. "Here!"
Cid and Kairi followed him around the pool and past a tall group of stalagmites. A dark cloth fluttered over an opening in the rock wall. "What's this?"
Yozora pushed the cloth aside. Kairi followed, watching as his silver eye seemed to brighten with every moment; some silver seeped into his red eye. "We used to play here… Father had the entrance to the tunnels sealed after the maiden and I would come here to play… This was our hideaway."
He knelt down, picking up old books and drawings.
"I remember these…"
He lifted up a tin box, gently removing the lid.
Two little cloth dolls lay inside, a boy and a girl, atop a pile of clothing. "I made these dolls… when I was a kid." He picked up the boy doll.
Kairi looked at it. Silver eyes and soft lavender hair.
Is that what he used to look like? And the clothes the doll wore were of warm colors, oak brown and green with a teal scarf.
This was the old Yozora.
The real Yozora.
Yozora turned the doll over and pulled up the shirt to reveal a "Y" stitched into the back of the doll. "This was mine."
He laid down his doll and picked up the girl one. A girl with purple eyes and brown hair; the doll wore a long flowery dress with a bow in the back.
"And this was hers." He pushed down the dress collar in the back. "M."
"What?"
"Her name… the maiden's name!" He showed them the back of the doll. "Her name started with an M!"
A far more chill chapter after the last one but… things are happening!
Hope you enjoyed!
Footnotes:
(1) These are synthesis materials from the KH series.