Finally a chapter with a little more dialogue between Beth and Daryl.
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It had only been a few days, but there was a definite shift in the air. Daryl felt it deep in his gut. At first, he thought he'd give Beth some space. Maybe she was just busy. Surely she had to have a good reason for not calling him back. As time went on, it was becoming more obvious she was stonewalling him. Purposefully avoiding him.
He was doing all the things she asked of him; no drugs, no selling. No drinking, even though that wasn't one of her stipulations. He gladly gave up all of that. He wanted to live the life of a law-abiding citizen and a good dad. Good dads didn't sell drugs.
How quickly he got used to texting with Beth every day. Setting up plans, a funny thing Billie said or did. A picture of Billie being adorable. His favorite texts were of the photos that included Beth. Laying in bed, Billie sleeping snuggled against her. Sitting in the grass with a squirming Billie in her lap, Beth's arm outstretched to take the photo before Billie ran off again. Those were the best ones. The picture of the three of them taken on the fourth of July was saved as the wallpaper on his cellphone.
Since he didn't remember doing anything wrong in particular, the radio silence of the past couple of days worried him.
Seeing them left him even more unsettled. Driving through town one evening, he spotted Beth on the sidewalk with Billie. He almost pulled over and forced her to talk to him. Just a second after spotting them, Glenn came out of the hardware store, bending at the knees to pick up Billie who practically climbed up his legs. So casual like he's done it since day one, which, of course, he has.
Seeing Glenn and Beth and Billie together like they were a little family was enough to make him keep driving. But was he really going to just let Beth fall through his fingers again? Was he going to really give up on his daughter? If he did, he'd be doing what he promised Beth he wouldn't and he was determined to be better than who he used to be. No, he wouldn't give up on them.
Finally, something happened that pushed him over the edge. Something that snapped him back to reality, forcing him to get over his hurt feelings and act rather than waiting to see if Beth would come around.
"Hey Daryl," Carol said from behind the register at the grocery store. He was loading up more food than he'd ever bought in a single trip to the store onto the conveyor belt. Not just lunch meat and bread. Snack crackers, raisins, applesauce in small cups. Something called Veggie Straws he'd seen on a commercial that claimed to be a healthier option for kids than the Dorrito's he grew up on. Stuff he hoped Billie liked and Beth would approve of.
He wanted to be ready, just in case, Beth for some reason texted him out of the blue with a simple explanation as to why she'd been MIA.
He nodded to Carol. Mumbled out a hello.
Carol eyed him. Taking in his glum face, stooped shoulders. He appeared more pissed off than he normally did. Since he'd been back in town she had noticed a marked difference in him. He was no longer the sullen young man he'd been. He was still quiet, there was a change within him. That change, she suspected, was Billie and Beth.
"How ya been?" She asked. Minding her own business had never been her strong suit.
"Fine", was his brief answer.
Carol scanned the small packet of M&Ms. "Billie loves these," she mentioned, watching Daryl's reaction. An eyebrow rose slightly under the bill of his hat.
"Beth's pretty strict when it comes to sweets. Always buying fruits and vegetables."
"She is." The mere mention of them made his chest ache.
"She was in the other day," Carol said casually, putting the items in a paper bag. "Well, actually she was outside in the parking lot. Seemed to be in a heated discussion with that Walsh guy. Shane? Not sure what he's doin' back in town. Looked like he was up to no good."
This got Daryl's attention. He stood anchored to his spot in front of the cash register, the change from his purchases in one hand, wallet in the other.
"If I had to guess, he wasn't too happy. Neither was she. He had a pretty good grip on her arm. I interrupted them and he took off."
Quickly saying goodbye to Carol, he gathered his bags of groceries and jumped in his truck heading straight back home. Shane was where he'd left him - asleep on his couch.
Using Billie as leverage.
Is that what she was doing by avoiding Daryl? She wasn't purposely ignoring him; she just didn't know what to say or how to handle things. His texts and calls went unanswered no matter how much she wanted to answer. She couldn't help but wonder if she let him go now, as Shane suggested, maybe his departure from her life wouldn't hurt so bad.
But hurt, it did.
It was crazy how quickly they fell back into each other's lives. How quickly the feelings she thought she'd buried so deep they could never be resurrected, resurfaced. She looked forward to seeing him, not just for Billie's sake but for her own.
Shane's return was a blatant reminder of who Daryl had been and how it might not be as easy as he claimed to drop his old ways. So she took the cowards way out and avoided him.
Beth acted as though nothing was wrong. At night, after Billie was in bed, she retreated to the bathroom, drew bathwater so hot it scalded her skin when she sunk down into it. She'd read over Daryl's texts then and let the tears, or anger or frustration, come through, sobbing or screaming into a towel.
Where are you?
Why aren't you answering me?
Did I do somethin to upset you?
Whatever it is, I'm sorry.
This was a different side to Daryl that she'd never seen before. A vulnerable desperate side.
No matter how unfair it was, she was afraid it had to be this way. What if Billie had been with her at the store when Shane threatened her? What if he would have done something stupid? What if he still did? Just that evening the family had been outside, enjoying the cooler night's air when off in the distance in a patch of trees a flash of movement caught her attention. Could be a deer, or a rabbit. Could be anything. Was it Shane?
No one had ever held a candle to Daryl and she couldn't imagine ever finding anyone that would. Feeling more so now than she ever had before that she was destined for a solitary life. She had her family, which she was grateful for, that wasn't the same as having someone by your side. It wasn't the same as having a husband and a father for your child.
Husband? Is that where, subconsciously, her mind had hoped things were heading? Well, that was ridiculous. She was happy with her life the way it was. Admitting, only to herself, she liked the life she caught a glimpse of in the last few months. The life she could have with Daryl.
She did her best to be a good mother, a good daughter, and a good worker and boss. Going on with her life as though her heart didn't have a deep chasm down the middle of it. All the while she knew keeping Daryl from Billie wasn't the answer.
Daryl picked Shane up by the collar. He snorted awake, looking confused, and dazed.
"What the fuck did you do?" Daryl yelled, his voice a bellow of outrageous indignation.
"What?" Shane slurred, still intoxicated and high from the night before.
Since Shane came back to town, he'd take off in the evenings leaving Daryl at home. He'd be passed out on the couch when Daryl got up for work the next morning. He didn't miss it in the least. His place was with Billie and Beth, even if they'd been absent recently - something he hoped to remedy with no help from Shane.
"Why would you go after Beth?"
It was no wonder Beth had been so distant. She was spooked off by Shane. Daryl needed to do damage control and fast.
Shane yanked away from Daryl, straightening to stand. "I was tryin' to do you a favor."
"A favor? By fucking up my life?"
He made a pfft sound with his mouth. "What life? You call this a life?" Shane asked, gesturing to the house. "I have no fucking idea why you would actually choose this."
Shane would never understand how Daryl could turn his back on something he helped build. Shane couldn't understand why he would choose to work a crappy job over what they used to do. A single run could bring in thousands of dollars with the majority of it going back to the club. The money no longer appealed to Daryl. His loyalty no longer belonged to the club, or Shane, or even Merle.
"Because this is what I want. Who the fuck do you think you are to mess that up?"
"You turned your back on the club and me. Turned your back on Merle. If you'd open your eyes you'd see that. You'd see who Beth really is and that she's just using you."
Shane had brought Daryl into the club and Daryl brought in Merle. It didn't take much corrosion for Daryl to join. When he began dealing for them, Merle was twenty-three and like Daryl, he'd been floating aimlessly through life and was all too happy to band together with his baby brother.
They started out small, running drugs or weapons. Anything Negan told them to do, they did. Daryl quickly made a name for himself. He was quiet and Negan knew he wouldn't talk because he hardly ever said more than what was necessary. Though quiet, he was tough, never intimidated by whatever ruffians they were dealing with. He did his job well. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had a purpose, like he belonged.
They quickly rose the ranks of the club, and Negan became like a father figure of sorts to Daryl and Daryl became his right-hand man. He and Merle were efficient and reliable - up until Merle got busted. By then though, they were more concerned with getting high than selling for the club.
Daryl took a step towards Shane, he was smart enough to back up. "I didn't turn my back on no one," he growled, guilt settling in his gut.
He blamed himself that Merle got arrested. He was covering for Daryl because after Beth left he couldn't be bothered to give a shit about anything. Merle, high as a kite himself, sold to an undercover cop. As far as Daryl was concerned if he'd never joined the club Merle wouldn't be where he is today. The guilt was something he'd never been able to shake.
"So you're gonna' turn your back on the club, just like that huh?" Shane asked as though he needed clarification.
"Yep." Simple as that.
Guilt notwithstanding, it felt good to tell Shane off. Word would get back to Negan. Negan wouldn't be happy but he wasn't the type to go chasing after people begging them to come back into the fold. He'd wash his hands of Daryl, just like he'd already done with Merle. It would be the final break from his past that Daryl needed. He needed it for himself as much as for Bille and Beth.
"Alright, I get it," Shane sneered. "No one messes with your woman. What the hell ever. But remember Beth did you wrong. She fucked you over. She took off on you."
"You best watch your mouth, sunshine. Say one more word about Beth..."
"Throwing a lifetime friendship away for some chick that ain't even your old lady?" Shane questioned. "I'm just looking out for you because your own brother can't."
"Don't," Daryl warned. "I don't need you looking out for me. You don't know shit 'bout me or Beth. You gotta' go," Daryl told him. "Get your pack and leave. Don't come back."
When Shane only stared at him, Daryl swooped down to pick up his pack that was on the floor next to the couch and shoved it into Shane's arms. Shane practically tripped over his feet but went to the door as he was told.
Daryl watched him mount his Harley and take off down the road, dust trailing behind him, feeling a strange subset of emotions. It was true, at one time he thought of Shane as a brother. He no longer felt that bond with him. Shane, along with his old life, felt a million miles away. A drug induced delusion. His life with Beth, however, felt fresh and unmistakably real.
By the time Daryl got to the coffee shop, his temper had waned. He hated what Shane did and blamed himself. He shouldn't have let him back into his life. Should have sent him packing the first night he showed up at his house.
The barista, used to Daryl coming in to see Beth pointed behind her, telling him Beth was in her office. In the office, her chair was empty and the door leading to the alleyway behind the shop was open.
The small road was shadowed by the surrounding buildings and the temperature was much cooler. He looked down one way, Beth's Tahoe parked in its usual spot. Down the other end, where the road dead-ended, Beth was throwing a trash bag up into the dumpster.
He watched as she swiftly hefted the bag up into the bin. Her shirt lifting to show an inch of smooth skinned mid drift. Her hips swaying with the motion.
When she turned around, whipping her hands on her apron, her brow furrowed in deep thought and she chewed her bottom lip, something she'd always done when she was nervous.
"You're gonna chew that raw," he said, bringing her attention to him. She startled, and stopped momentarily, releasing her lip. It glistened pink. He had to force himself to focus on her eyes, not her lips. He fought the urge to wrap her in his arms. Tell her he was sorry about Shane and that he'd never bother her again.
But he knew her. Knew she'd push him away and claim she could take care of herself, which she rightfully could. Knowing that didn't stop his urge to protect her.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, fiddling with the strings of her apron.
Beth didn't like conflict and dodged it whenever possible. It was probably why she took off. It was easier than having yet another fight with him. Well, that's just too damn bad. He wasn't going to let things go by the wayside. He wasn't going to let her go.
"You're avoiding me," he spoke casually, leaning against the door frame of her office, showing no hint of his altercation with Shane.
She wouldn't meet his eyes. "No, I'm not. Why would I be avoiding you?"
"Beth," he said. "Don't bullshit me. Haven't seen you and Billie in days." No more beating around the bush, he was going to say what he felt.
Beth finally looked up at him. She wondered vaguely how he could look so good just leaning against the door. T-shirt. Worn jeans that fit him just right. He wore the vest with those damn angel wings on the back, an ever-present reminder of his past.
"You haven't called or texted me. Why's that?"
"You haven't texted me in two days," she retorted, cringing. She'd been keeping track of his texts and calls as well his lack thereof in the past couple of days.
"You never responded so I thought I'd give you some time."
She said nothing in response.
Daryl took a breath, itching for a cigarette. Looked around noting that it hadn't changed much - just an alleyway surrounded by buildings. "Remember how we used to make out back here when you were on your break?"
Beth's eyes rounded before she had a chance to contain her shock that he'd brought that up. "We made out a lot if I recall."
Yes, she remembered. How could she forget? They did a lot more than make out. Once they started going out, they didn't waste much time. Hot for each other anytime, just about anywhere. His lips. His calloused roughened hands turning her mind to mush. The thing was he didn't have to touch her, just a look of his steel-blue eyes would make her weak.
He took a step closer, towering over her. He in his boots, she in a pair of bright blue Converse. He surprised her when he brushed a hair off her cheek, rubbing the flushed skin with his thumb. "Don't shut me out, Beth."
"I'm not." She crossed her arms over her chest, her chin jutted out in a stubborn pout.
"Damn it," he mumbled backing up. "This how it's gonna be?" He asked rhetorically. He took another deep breath. Losing his temper wasn't going to help anything. "You gotta' talk to me."
"You want to talk? Okay, what about Shane?" She blurted.
"Shane's gone, left town about a half-hour ago."
She exhaled a breath, she wasn't expecting that. "What happens when he comes back?"
"He won't."
"What you do with your life is your business," she began unsure where she was heading. "I can't tell you what to do or who you can hang out with but if I have to be the bad guy, I will."
She wanted him to be here because he wanted to be here. Not because she browbeat him into staying, forcing him to be a part of Billie's life.
"I said it before, but this will be the last time I'll say it again, if you're still involved with your old life you can't be in Billie's life." Her concern was Billie. There was no shame in that.
"I know this."
His words annoyed her. They so easily slipped out of his mouth, like it was that easy. She debated telling Daryl about her encounter with Shane. It felt too much like tattle-telling so she decided to keep it to herself.
"This isn't about Shane," though it sort of was. "I worry about the impact Shane or any of the people from your past has on your life. Your life affects Billie's life."
Feeling like she was a tape set on repeat, she tried to sidestep him but he caught her by the elbow, lightly pushing her against the brick wall so she couldn't escape him. Staring at her so intently it made her weak just like the old days.
"You think I don't know that?" He asked, equally perturbed. It was clear she didn't trust him. "I'm trying. I sold my bike, work a nine to five. Hell, I even bought groceries this week. Groceries with kid food. I ain't saying all this to make you feel bad or to hold it over your head, but I don't know what else I can do to prove it to you."
Shane's words pounded in her mind. No one worked at the center because they wanted to. They worked there because there were no other appealing options. How long could the center really hold him? It'd only be a matter of time before he grew tired of working so hard for so little. Peddling pills was easier, more lucrative work. Right?
"You said you wanted to get to know Billie, but I don't want to use her to make you do the right thing."
She wasn't this type of person, the type that made the man in her life behave a certain way. She was hating herself more and more by the second. Shane sent her into a state of panic, she was overreacting but couldn't stop herself. "Maybe you should just leave now before you become too attached to Billie," she said, her voice sad and quiet. She was was worried about Billie, but her own heart was already hanging on by a thread.
He took a step back like she'd slapped him. "Leave? What the hell? I want to be here. I want to be in Billie's life!"
Shane had implied Daryl's still selling. She knew not to trust Shane, but, what if. Those damn what-ifs. Will they ever stop? "Billie is already becoming attached to you and what happens if you decide you're bored and decide small town life isn't for you? What then?"
Daryl watched as Beth became more unhinged with every word, each one was like a kick to the stomach.
"Damn it. I'm trying here. Why are you pushing me away?"
The words were out before she realized it. "Because I can't get my heart broken again."