The quidditch match was exactly what she needed. Sirius has been in a terrible mood for the last few weeks, but she couldn't blame him with everything going on. He had taken over staying up with James, which Remy tried not to feel hurt about. It let her finally have a chance to explain things to Remus. He ended up confiding in her some things that had her more mixed up than before.

The locker room was tense and James was trying hard to force some kind of positive moral in the team. No one seemed to have the energy today, but they knew it would change once they hit the pitch.

Ravenclaw was playing hard and Remy was off her game. She was missing easy blocks, but able to pull off crazy saves. She could see the frustration radiating from James as he flew past. They were down 70 points when the seekers finally noticed the snitch. It was obvious as soon as they started to dive that the Ravenclaw seeker had it.

They had played like shit and everyone knew it. James stormed into the locker room and punched the wall hard enough to go through the plaster. Remy knew he must have broken his hand, but it didn't seem to phase him. Most of the team shuffled out quickly, but Remy decided to grab a shower to try and wash off how shitty she felt.

"I've seen blind cat's defend better than you," James said jumping into the shower block next to her.

"I have never played that bad before in my life. I broke my collar bone on the first save in a match and still played better than that."

James laughed at that and then couldn't seem to stop. He laughed until he started to cry and then he was crying so hard he couldn't seem to catch his breath.

"James, honey, you've go to breath." Remy wrapped James in a towel and coaxed him to sit next to her on the floor. James was sobbing into her chest and Remy was stroking his hair trying to soothe him.

"I'm so fucking pathetic."

"Babe don't say that. Your fucking parents died. You're allowed to not be okay."

"I just didn't know I would feel like this. I spend every night curled up to my best mate and just cry into his chest. I don't know why I'm like this. Mooney isn't like this."

"He's a different person James. And he's been a mess in his own way. He's screwed half of 7th year in the last few weeks, which is very not Remus."

"Great Mooney, shags every girl in the castle and cry on the floor of the locker room."

"You could at least be sleeping with Lily."

James didn't say anything to that and Remy regretted it as soon as she'd said it. James hadn't done more than kiss Lily since the first time the slept together.

"I just can't, I can't-" James trailed off looking embarrassed.

"You can't get hard?"

"Fuck Remy, you shouldn't say that kind of shit to a bloke."

"But I'm right?"

"Yeah, I feel like an idiot. Because she's crazy fucking hot and she is obviously trying to get me there and then I just feel a fool and leave."

"Can you still masturbate?"

"Remy!"

"What James? We're adults, we can have this conversation. I'm trying to help you, so just answer the fucking question."

"Yeah, alright I still am able to do plenty of that."

"What do you think about when you jerk off?"

James' whole body was red and Remy was doing her best not to laugh. He had now shifted so his shoulder was against hers and they were both staring straight ahead.

"I don't know loads of things, sex is weird."

"Yeah it is, I'm trying to get at if you can have Lily do any of those things. You've fooled around with other girls, there has to be shit that gets you going. Have her suck on your ear or tell you all the dirty shit she thinks about it-" Remy trailed off as she noticed the rise in James towel.

James stood up quickly and rushed throwing clothes on and running off from the pitch. Remy couldn't help but laugh at this entire interaction. She knew she had a dumb smirk on her face the entire walk up to the castle. When Sirius pushed past her to leave the great hall that all disappeared.

"Sirius wait, why won't you talk to me?"

"Remy I don't have time for this."

"Make fucking time! We start fucking and it's over for you? That's all you wanted?" Remy was shouting at him now and Sirius pulled her into a classroom so they wouldn't cause a scene.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Fuck off Sirius! I've been trying to give you space and whatever, but you just shut off on me. One minute you couldn't keep your hands off me and for weeks now it's like I'm diseased."

"You promised this time would be different."

"What?"

"You said you fucking loved me and that shit would be different, but you're still fucking him," Sirius' voice cracked. Remy knew he was crying even if he wouldn't look at her.

"Si, that's not true. I ended things with Remus. I haven't done any more than give him some hugs and shit because he's all fucked up about his parents. I do love you. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Don't lie to me! I heard all the shit you were saying to Lily in the owlery. About how you can't stop thinking about him and how I'm just not enough and then you go running into his arms."

"Fuck Sirius, I can't pretend this shit is fair anymore. You can't be pissed at me for falling for Remus when you've been fucking him."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb. I was trying to let you work out your shit, but fuck that. Remus told me after his Mom died you guys were fucking while the rest of us sat outside and you've been fooling around for years. You meet up last week when you were supposed to be with James."

"It's not true," Sirius lied poorly.

"Sirius I wouldn't care if you hadn't been such an ass about all of this. I get that sex is hard and being into your friends is way harder. I get how hard it must be to quit him. I just can't take anymore of your hypocrisy."

Remy stormed out and went out onto the grounds. It was pouring rain and Remy could hardly feel the cold. This day was too much for her and standing out in the rain seemed to be the only way it would make sense.

When Remus found her she was laying in the wet grass shaking hard. Her lips were tinged blue from the cold and she seemed delirious.

"Baby you have to come inside," Remus whispered gently laying down next to her.

"You won't say that after you know what I did."

"He told me, where do you think the black eye came from," Remus let you a half hearted laugh that came out more like a sob.

"Remus I'm sorry. This is all my fault."

"It's not your fault. There's just something about him that always draws me back."

"When did everything start with you two?"

"I'll tell you the whole story if you come get out of the rain."

Remy obliged and Remus led her to the Shrieking Shack. The boys spent time here with Remus before the full moon, but Remy had never been inside. Remus got a fire going in the old fireplace and did some spell work to get the place cleaned up a bit.

"Here, put this on," Remus handed Remy a large soft robe that she happily accepted. Remus didn't turn around when she stripped, which made and blush and gave her a sudden chill down her spine.

"Aren't you supposed to avert your eyes?"

"Not when the girl's this beautiful."

Remy felt her whole body flush and she turned towards the fire to try and cover for it. She tried to keep her eyes off Remus while he changed, but he caught her looking him over. He smirked as he came to sit beside her.

"When did everything get so fucking crazy Remus?"

"I don't love, I wish we could go back to the summer. Things were good then."

"Where you still hooking up with him then?"

"Yeah, I was," Remus blushed and turned away. "I'm sorry Remy, I know that's not fair."

"I guess I see why he was so mad about us."

"Yeah, it was hard."

"When did it start?"

"Really since we've known each other. A few weeks into first year we were up really late and Pads just kissed me. He made up this whole bullshit thing about how we had to practice with each other so we would be good with girls, but I think we both knew even then it was more than that."

"Do you love him?"

"Yeah, I do. I've never said that to him, but I think he knows."

"Why did you guys go after me?"

"Because I still like girls. I can't speak for Pads, but I don't usually fancy blokes. I've been with a few other guys and it's good, but it's not like it is with him or with you."

"What convinced you to tell me?"

"I guess it just didn't seem fair to you and once it was clear that he was going to make you choose I couldn't not tell you. We've been seeing each other almost daily and going at it for hours and it started to make me feel dirty."

"Then I guess we have lost time to make up for," Remy whispered.

Remus kissed her and for this first time Remy didn't feel even the slightest bit guilty.