Hi, everyone. Classes are officially over for the fall semester, so I'm hoping I can write more frequently from now on. That being said, here's the next chapter of Broken Wings, Shattered Heart. Also, the BTR Writers' Support and Plot Adoption Forum is having a holiday challenge, and there's still time to enter, so if you're interested in participating, please check it out or let me know. :) Other writers will be participating (including me), so be on the lookout for that.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.
As they exit the BTR mobile, Kendall falls into step with Katie, who has her head down as she walks. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her smaller body, as if she's trying to shield herself from everything that's going on around her.
"Hey, Katie," Kendall says, nudging her softly with his elbow. "You okay?"
"I'm fine," Katie mutters but does not look up at him.
Beside her, Kendall frowns. He looks behind him to see his mom whispering something in Logan's ear, her arm wrapping around him. He watches as Logan smiles slightly and nods in return, and then turns back to Katie.
"Hey, I was thinking… There's a gift store inside the hospital. I passed by it the other day. If you want, we can go pick out something for Carlos."
"Something?" Katie asks and raises an eyebrow. "Something like what?"
Kendall shrugs. "Not sure, but we can go see what they have inside. I'm sure there has to be something that Carlos will like."
At this, a small smile starts to grow on Katie's face. "Okay," she says and grabs at his arm, pulling him towards the hospital entrance.
Kendall lets her pull him along but stops once they're inside. "Wait! We should wait for Logan, and probably look for James too. Maybe they'll want to get him something, too."
Once they tell Logan about their plan, they go looking for James together. They go to the waiting room first, but neither James nor Carlos' parents are there, and when they peek through Carlos' hospital room to check if he's inside, only Antonio and Sylvia are there.
"Where could he be?" Logan asks as they turn away from Carlos' room and head in the direction of the cafeteria.
"Don't think he'll be there," Kendall says, but Logan keeps walking in that direction.
"We might as well try."
They're almost to the cafeteria when they find James standing in front of a vending machine, his eyes locked on the bags of chips and chocolate bars that are inside it.
"James!" Kendall calls out as they near him.
Hearing Kendall call his name, James looks away from the vending machine and attempts to send a smile in his direction. "Hey."
"Hey. We've been looking for you everywhere," Kendall says and eyes the vending machine. "Were you gonna get something?"
James squirms uncomfortably at the question and stares down at the ground. "I was just looking," he mumbles, hugging himself. "When did you guys get here?"
"Like twenty minutes ago," Kendall says, sharing a worried glance with Logan when James steps away from the vending machine. "We were gonna go to the gift shop to look for something for Carlos. We were wondering if you wanted to come."
James presses his lips together and forces his lips up into a smile. "Sure."
"Are you not gonna get anything?" Logan asks just as James takes a step towards them.
"I, uh. I'm not very hungry right now."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." James sighs and brushes past Kendall. "I'm fine."
Kendall stares after him, unconvinced. He turns to Logan then, who has his bottom lip in between his teeth. As he's looking at Logan, he feels a hand clutch at his. He looks down to find Katie staring up at him. A lone tear slips out of her eye, but she's quick to wipe it away with her other hand.
Swallowing hard, Kendall gives Katie's hand a squeeze and starts following James, pulling Katie along with him.
"James, you're going the wrong way," Kendall practically shouts, causing James to stop in his tracks.
"Oh." James turns around slowly and walks back to where Kendall and Katie are. "Sorry."
"It's over here," Kendall says, pressing his free hand to James' back. He tries to ignore the way James flinches at his touch, but a lump starts to grow in the back of his throat.
He guides James, Logan and Katie towards an elevator and presses the button for the third floor.
"It's on the third floor?" Logan asks, to which Kendall gives him a strange look.
"Yeah, why?"
"How did you even find it?"
"By… going to the third floor?"
"Yeah, but what were you doing there?"
Kendall opens his mouth to respond, but as he does, the elevator dings and the doors open.
"Is this pediatrics?"
"I think so."
Logan cocks his head to the side. "What were you doing in pediatrics?"
"Just walking around," Kendall says, shrugging his shoulders. "I wanted to see what the other floors were like."
"Really?"
Kendall sighs. "No. It was during a bad day, and I needed to clear my head."
Logan nods in response and follows Kendall as he turns a corner, James and Katie walking closely behind them.
"Where are we going?" James asks, not seeing the gift shop anywhere in sight.
"It's just around the other corner," Kendall says. And sure enough, as they turn the next corner, they bump into it.
"Oh wow, this store is bigger than I thought it would be," James says as they step foot inside. His hand grazes a small, brown teddy bear that's near the entrance. A heart that says "Get Well Soon!" is in between the bear's paws.
"Carlos would love a teddy bear," he comments but walks away from it. "Not this one, though."
"They have a lot of those," Kendall says and nods towards the back of the gift store, where there is a wall lined up with shelves that contain stuffed animals in them.
Katie's eyes light up at the sight of them, and before the other boys can even take a step in the stuffed animals' direction, she's already halfway to them.
"This one is so cute!" she says, grabbing a stuffed koala from the shelf.
Kendall chuckles at the sight of it.
"That's perfect, Katie," he says and takes the koala from Katie's hands. "Carlos would definitely love this."
"You think it'll cheer him up?" Katie asks as she looks up at him.
Kendall's smile falters a little but he nods his head. He presses his hand to the top of Katie's head and ruffles her hair lightly. "I'm sure that it will, baby sister." He hands the koala back to Katie and takes a hold of her hand. "Now I'm gonna try to pick something for him. Do you wanna help me?"
Katie nods her head and follows him as he makes his way to some snow globes that are sitting on a table. "These are cool," he says as he grabs a snow globe and turns it over. It's one of a yellow, scruffy-looking puppy, wearing a blue scarf. "Do you think he'll like this?" he asks, showing Katie the snow globe.
Katie grabs it from his hand and inspects it for a moment, before handing it back to him. "Definitely. Carlos loves dogs."
"Hey, guys, I found a card," James says, walking back to where Kendall and Katie are. He shows the card to the both of them, which has balloons that read "You are loved" on the front. "I was thinking we could sign it. Maybe even have Kelly and Gustavo sign it, too, and maybe some of the Palm Woods residents."
"We could," Kendall says with a sad smile. "It might put a smile on his face to see how much people love and miss him."
"Maybe it would make him see that people care," James says quietly, his shoulders slumping. "What did you find?"
"Oh, this?" Kendall hands the snow globe over to James.
"That's cute," James says, as he turns it over.
A moment later, Logan appears, hugging three books to his chest.
"You got Carlos books?" James says, chuckling lightly.
"They're not books to read," Logan tells him and shows him the covers.
Kendall grabs one of them, snatching it from Logan's hands. "A… crossword puzzle?"
"Yes."
"And…" James pauses as he stretches his neck to see the other two books that Logan is holding. "A word search and sudoku?"
"What?" Logan asks. "It'll keep him entertained."
"That's so… Logan of you." Kendall smirks.
"Logan of me?"
"Yes… nerdy."
Logan frowns, taking the crossword puzzle book from Kendall's hands. "There is nothing wrong with being nerdy."
"We never said there was," Kendall says and holds up his hands in defense.
"You thought it."
"You don't know that."
Logan gives him a knowing look.
"Aww, Logie, I'm teasing. I'm sure Carlos will be grateful."
Logan shakes his head and heads for the register.
"Come on, Katie," Kendall says and guides Katie to the register as well.
James steps forward, as if to follow them, but stops as something in a small rack catches his eye. He takes a step towards it and grabs it, before following the other three.
When they step into Carlos' room a few minutes later, his parents are no longer inside the hospital room and Carlos is sleeping soundly.
Trying to be as quiet as possible, Logan takes the seat on one side of his hospital bed and watches as Katie takes the other. James and Kendall stand awkwardly near the foot of the bed, Kendall with his arms crossed over his chest, and James with his hands stuffed into his jeans' pockets.
"Should we just leave the gifts here?" he asks, staring up at James and Kendall.
James shrugs his shoulders in response. Kendall shakes his head and walks over to the small white table beside Carlos' bed. He places his bag, containing the snow globe that he bought, on it, and then turns to Carlos' still form.
"I mean, I guess we could, but I kind of wanted to give them to him when he was awake."
"Me too," Katie says from where she's sitting. "We should wait."
Logan and James both nod their heads in response but don't say anything. For a moment, the only sound that fills the room is the constant beeping of the heart monitor to the right of Carlos' bed. Then, Logan stands, offering the empty seat to James, and he starts pacing around the room.
"Logan."
Logan stops pacing as Kendall blocks his path. He swallows hard, his eyes locked on the white tiles on the floor, and blinks continuously.
"What?"
"What's wrong?" Kendall asks, his words nothing but a whisper.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Logan steps forward, his eyes still not meeting Kendall's, and wraps his arms around him, catching Kendall off-guard. For a few seconds, Kendall just stands there, motionless, unsure of what to do with his arms. But as he feels Logan's smaller frame begin to shake, he hugs him back, holding him in place.
"Hey, just take a deep breath, okay? Everything's gonna be okay," Kendall whispers, meeting James' worried gaze. He can feel Logan shake his head against his shoulder, his arms tightening around Kendall. Unsure of what else to do, he rubs small circles against Logan's back and doesn't step away until Logan does.
When Logan does step back, his eyes are red, but there are no traces of tears on his face. He still refuses to meet Kendall's eyes, or anyone's eyes for that matter. From where he's standing, however, Kendall can see the tears gathered in his eyes and the way his hands tremble by his sides. He wants to reach out and pull Logan back into a hug, but before Kendall can even take a step forward, Logan has taken a few steps back.
It's not long before he's opening the door, stepping out, and closing it behind him.
James makes a move, as if to stand up, but Kendall holds a hand up and steps forward. "I'll go after him," he says, to which James nods inaudibly.
Kendall wastes no time in stepping out of the room. He stops abruptly, though, as his eyes land on Logan, who is sitting on the floor, curled in on himself, with his head pressed against his knees.
"Hey," he whispers, sitting down beside him.
Logan doesn't say anything for a moment, his body motionless. Looking worried, Kendall places a hand on his shoulder, his heart sinking when Logan slightly flinches at his touch.
"Logie, talk to me."
More silence.
"I know you don't want to, but if you do, I'm all ears."
Slowly, Logan raises his head, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. "There's nothing to talk about," he says, and then turns away, staring off into space, which does not lessen the feelings of worry brewing inside Kendall.
"What do you mean?" Kendall asks, his eyebrows furrowing together.
Logan sighs and turns back to face him. "It's exactly what it means."
"You broke down for a reason."
"Yes." Logan stands up and closes his eyes for a moment, before continuing to speak. "But it's nothing you can fix."
"You haven't even told me what it is yet."
"You can't fix everything, Kendall," Logan chokes out, blinking rapidly as a lone tear starts to roll down the side of his face. "I know you want to, but you can't."
Kendall looks away, his arms wrapping around his knees. "I know I can't," he whispers, and suddenly, there are tears swimming in his eyes too, "but I want to help."
"Sometimes," Logan starts, as he looks down at Kendall, "sometimes just having you here is enough."
"It's not enough," Kendall mutters under his breath, but he says it so quietly that Logan doesn't even catch it. He looks up at Logan, who has his arms extended towards him, and takes his hands, letting him pull him to his feet.
Without saying anything, Kendall pulls Logan back into a hug and rests his head against his shoulder. He sighs softly and closes his eyes, his heart aching.
It's not until after a few seconds pass that he starts speaking.
"What happened, it's not your fault," he whispers against Logan's ear.
Logan tenses up against him but doesn't respond.
"If the reason you broke down is because of what you mentioned in the car earlier, you need to know that."
Logan sniffles and burrows his head against the crook of Kendall's neck, his body shaking. His arms move from where they're hanging motionless at his sides to wrap around Kendall, his fingertips digging into the fabric of his jacket.
"I just want things to go back to normal," he says, his voice shaking.
"Me too," Kendall whispers and starts to slowly pull away.
Suddenly, the door to Carlos' room opens and James pokes his head out, his eyes falling on Kendall, and then on Logan.
"Is everything okay?" he asks, to which Logan nods his head.
"Yeah," Logan says as he detaches himself from Kendall. "Everything is fine."
James nods, looking unconvinced, and steps out of the room. "Carlos woke up," he tells them. "Thought the two of you would wanna know."
At this, Kendall takes a step towards the door, but then stops to look back at Logan, who is just staring after him. He has made no move to follow him.
He gives Logan a small smile and holds out his hand, which Logan takes hesitantly. "Come on," he says quietly, and pulls him towards the entrance, while James holds the door open for them.
Carlos is staring at them as they walk in, one of his hands held in between both of Katie's.
Feeling Logan give his hand a small tug, Kendall looks back at him and let's go of his hand. He gives Logan's arm a small pat and moves to stand on the other side of Carlos' bed.
"Hey, Los," he says quietly, a lump beginning to form in the middle of his throat. "How are you feeling, buddy?"
"Tired," Carlos responds, his eyes only halfway open. He attempts to lift his hand from where it's resting on the bed, but lets it fall back down when it has risen about an inch. A sigh escapes his lips. "What's in the bag?" he asks, nodding slightly in the direction of the bag beside his bed.
Kendall follows his gaze and grabs the bright blue bag from the table. "This one?"
Carlos nods.
"We stopped by the gift store on the way here," he says and takes out the snow globe. He moves to place the snow globe in Carlos' hand, but stops as his eyes fall on it, the smile on his face disappearing. He had forgotten Carlos was probably too weak to hold it by himself.
Forcing the smile back onto his face, he holds the snow globe near Carlos' face. "See? It has a puppy inside it."
"It's-It's so cute," Carlos says, as he watches the fake snow inside the snow globe fall over the scruffy puppy. "Thank you."
"I'm glad you liked it," Kendall says, and places the snow globe back on the table, but this time outside the bag.
The next one to step forward is James, who has a beaded bracelet in one hand. "I got you this bracelet," he says, holding it up for Carlos to see. It has orange, purple and green beads in it. "I know it's not much, but I saw it had your favorite colors, so I thought you might like it."
"I-I love it," Carlos says, his eyes beginning to fill up with tears. "Can… Can you put it on?"
"Of course."
As Katie rises from her seat to grab her gift bag, James takes her place and takes Carlos' hand in his.
From where he's sitting, Kendall can see James' hands shaking as he slips the bracelet on Carlos' wrist. He looks away as Katie sits back down, pulling the stuffed koala out of her bag.
"I got you this koala," Katie says and grabs Carlos' hand, placing it on top of the stuffed animal. "I thought that you could hug it… whenever you feel scared or alone. Not that you should feel alone, because we're all here for you… We love you, so much more than you know."
Carlos barely manages to mouth the words "thank you" before the tears in his eyes start to roll down his cheeks, dampening the collar of his hospital gown.
"Carlos, are you okay?" Kendall asks, squeezing Carlos' hand. With the hand that he has free, he reaches for a tissue from the table and starts to dry the tears on Carlos' face.
"I'm-I'm okay," Carlos manages, his breathing coming out sharper than normal.
"Are you sure? I can call a nurse."
"No. I'm… fine."
Wordlessly, Kendall nods and watches him for a moment, until Carlos' breathing has gone back to normal. Then he turns around to face Logan, who is standing a few feet away, and motions with his hand for him to get closer.
It takes a few seconds for Logan to finally force his feet to move forward. He reaches for the bag he had set on the floor, next to Carlos' bed, and pulls out the books that he had gotten for him at the gift shop.
Kendall stands up, leaving the chair empty for Logan.
Giving Kendall a wobbly smile, Logan takes the offered seat and tries his best to keep the smile on his face for Carlos' sake as he turns to face him.
"My gifts aren't quite as interesting as theirs," he says, motioning to Kendall, James and Katie, "but I got you some books that I thought might keep you entertained for a bit. I-I know you can't use them right now, but maybe when you feel a bit stronger you can." He shows Carlos' the books, and then sets them beside Kendall's snow globe.
Carlos presses his lips together, attempting to smile at Logan. He begins to slowly open and close his hand.
Taking the hint, Logan slips his hand into his, rubbing small circles against his skin.
"You've been c-crying," Carlos says, his eyes growing sad. "Is it… Is it because of me?"
"I…" Logan falters, unsure of what to say. "It's not because of you, Los."
"Then… what is it?"
Logan opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. He turns to Kendall and James for help, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.
"Logan's just tired," Kendall says, stepping closer. He places his hands on top of Logan's shoulders, squeezing them lightly. "We're all a bit tired."
Carlos' eyebrows knit together. Kendall can practically see the wheels turning in his head.
"Maybe you should go home and sleep?"
"That's probably a good idea," Kendall says, his eyes meeting the others'. "We probably should go home for a little while."
As Logan and Katie rise from their seats, Kendall turns back to Carlos. "Do you want me to tell your mom and dad to come back inside?" he asks, not wanting to leave Carlos by himself.
Carlos seems to think over it for a moment, before shaking his head. "No. I think… I think I'm going to take a nap."
"Are you sure? They can stay in here with you in the meantime."
"I'm okay... Thank you."
"Okay."
After sharing a worried glance with Logan and James, Kendall steps towards Carlos and gives him a small hug. James, Logan and Katie do the same, before the four of them slip out of the room and back into the hallway.
As soon as the door has closed behind them, Carlos' eyes fill up with tears again, soft sobs causing his body to shake with their force. He squeezes the stuffed koala Katie got him with as much strength as he can muster, his chest feeling tight.
He wants to close his eyes. He wants to let the exhaustion weighing him down take over. Every time he does, though, images flash in his mind, of a car speeding towards him, other cars honking, the sound of an ambulance approaching, right before everything turns into a pitch black.
So, Carlos is remembering things... which is probably a good thing... probably. I tried to make this chapter a bit more light-hearted, but I probably failed, lol. I'm sorry.
I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading. :)
~ BigTimeRush-BTR :)