Chapter 12: Regrets

The Friday following the start of their relationship, Kita-kun came over to Mafuyu's apartment.

"Kirisu-san!" He was so excited to see her that she couldn't help but grin. He set his telescope down and hugged her.

She reciprocated happily. Strange. She wouldn't have thought he was the type to enjoy physical affection so much. He eased into the hug and beamed after receiving it.

Did even Fujimura know this about him? Kita-kun had said he hardly hugged his aunt anymore, so likely not.

Already, Mafuyu was starting to know Kita-kun in a deeply personal way. Such a simple but wonderful pleasure.

"Are you sure your aunt won't find it suspicious that you're out late?" she asked.

"Out with my telescope on a clear Friday night? She'd think it'd be weirder if I said I wasn't going. Trust me, I can stay pretty much as long as I want to."

"Well, I tend to go to sleep around midnight. You could stay until then, but are you sure it's safe to go out that late?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I stay out even later all the time."

"Hm, that's good." Mafuyu looked to the telescope. "Perhaps we should schedule a night out together stargazing."

"Sure."

"For now, come sit down and have some tea. I've also found some couple's activities for the two of us."

He sat down at the table set for them. She'd already prepared a cup of hot tea when she'd gotten the message that he was on his way.

They'd messaged each other everyday since they'd made Line accounts. Even when he hadn't even exchanged a word with her at school the past week, his fondness for her was clear from his regular messages. Twice they'd had hours-long conversations through the app. His messages tended to be the last thing she saw before going to sleep.

"Kirisu-san, I have to ask, do you really wear that suit at home too?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. Mafuyu couldn't reveal her tracksuit to him for the same reason she'd rushed to stuff all the trash in a convenient spot the previous night. She had to show that she was a capable adult, not someone who found laundry or cleaning difficult.

"Huh, sounds uncomfortable."

"I'm accustomed to it, but never mind about that, Kita-kun, I want you to turn your attention to these." Mafuyu reached under the table and revealed the online purchases she'd made several days ago, eager for his reaction. There were multiple board games, puzzles, and craft kits. All designed and recommended for couples who wanted to enjoy themselves indoors. The boxes piled high on the wooden surface.

His eyes widened. "Whoa. That's a lot of stuff."

He wasn't as impressed as she'd hoped. Mafuyu cleared her throat. "Yes, it is. According to what I've researched, these should be perfect for entertaining us."

"Well, I'm glad you did that, but did you really have to buy so much?" He picked up a card game set and looked it over.

"Perhaps it is a bit excessive but look how useful these are!" She held up one of the puzzles. She had to correct his doubts. "One thousand pieces, guaranteed hours of fun. After seeing the same characteristic in so many products, I couldn't help but buy all this."

Kita-kun smiled. "So you're the type of person who goes on shopping sprees?"

Mafuyu crossed her arms and turned away. "Hmph, that's an unfair assessment. My purchases were well-justified."

He chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just . . . you're really cute when you're upset like that."

"Cute?" Mafuyu asked, making sure she sounded offended. She was several years older than Kita-kun. Him calling her cute should be ridiculous, not something she wanted him to repeat.

He seemed cowed, so he didn't repeat it. "Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said that. You're right, these will probably keep us busy for a while. Can I choose something for us?"

She nodded, pleased that he finally understood the wisdom behind her purchases. After a few minutes looking over and reading the descriptions of the items, he chose a game called Pandemic. They cleared the table and set up the game.

Pandemic had the two of them work together as a team to protect the world from dangerous diseases. They were assigned roles and had to complete objectives while overcoming new challenges dictated by the cards. It was fascinating, and once they got used to it, they had incredible fun playing it.

Over an hour later, they celebrated their victory with a high-five. There was much more to the game though. This victory actually affected future games; their funding would be reduced next time to make it more difficult for them.

"That was great," Kita-kun said.

"It certainly was. What made you pick this game out of the others?"

"I wanted something where we'd cooperate instead of compete against each other. That can come later, when I won't feel bad about crushing you."

"Is that so? You seem rather certain that you'd beat me." Mafuyu had learned quite a bit about board games after tutoring Ogata-san. The girl was a lacking opponent, but that hadn't prevented Mafuyu from gaining considerable skill.

He shrugged. "Hey, maybe I'm wrong and you'll surprise me. Let's save that for next time though."

"Understood."

Kita-kun's eyes strayed to her covered trophy case. she'd covered it up.

"Is it okay if I ask what that is?" He pointed to it.

"Certainly. Let me show you." Mafuyu stood up and pulled off the white cover. "These are all the awards and accolades I received back when I was a figure skater."

His lips parted as his eyes focused on the pictures and trophies. "Wow, when you said you used to ice skate, I never thought it was like this. You must have been amazing."

"Many others said so as well." Looking at it again forced a number of emotions to bubble just under the surface. Mafuyu kept them contained and stayed cool. "Unfortunately, this now merely serves as a reminder of my regrets in life."

His awe for the trophy case dropped. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked about it."

"No, it's fine. I should be apologizing for mentioning it with such a tone. It's not all bad, it holds another purpose as well." She turned to face Kita-kun. "You're very fortunate to possess both talent and passion for science, and I say this both as a teacher and someone who cares very much for you. Please continue on that path, I don't want to see you making the same mistakes I did."

"Hmm, I don't know . . ."

"Kita-kun," she warned.

"Okay okay, I will. I have to correct you though. I don't really think I have any talent for science. I'm better at it than most other people because I like it and spend my free time studying it."

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The next day, Jurou went to Kirisu-sensei's apartment again. Since it was a Saturday, they had a legitimate study session before moving on to their date.

"You were incredible!" Jurou couldn't praise her more. Last night, he'd found videos and articles of her ice-skating career when she'd been his age. Young and just as beautiful as she was now. "I assumed you quit because of an injury or something, but according to what I read you just decided to stop. Is it okay if I ask why?"

Her expression when she'd looked at her trophy case had been unreadable, but it definitely hadn't been good. He didn't want to be insensitive, but it should be okay to ask, right?

She stared down at her cup of tea, deep in thought. "I didn't hate figure skating, but I wanted to go another direction in my life."

"Becoming a teacher?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Really? What made you choose that instead?"

"It wasn't a well-thought-out decision. I admired one of my teachers and wanted to be like him, so I put aside all the effort and time I'd put into figure skating and pursued a teaching degree."

"Is that what you meant by regrets?"

Kirisu-sensei nodded. "I gave up my talent and didn't succeed in my goal at teaching. As a teacher, I'm merely adequate. I can't connect or help students the way he could."

"What?!" Jurou grabbed her hand. "That's not true at all. You're an awesome teacher!"

She pulled her hand back and gave him a small smile. "Thank you, but for one, no good teacher should have a relationship like this with one of her students."

Jurou brushed the point aside. "Maybe, but in every other respect, you're great. Even before I started feeling this way you helped me out a lot. Way more than you think."

"If so, then I'm glad, but I can't consider myself a successful teacher in my current situation. I know what most students think of me, the distant ice queen. My reputation alone deters students from even coming to me, and I've even failed to help some who I have spoken to."

Jurou was at a loss for words. What could he say that would make her bitter and disappointed tone go away? How was he supposed to help?

Fucking damn it. She'd agreed to return his feelings, she'd given him so much happiness in just one week, and he couldn't even comfort her? No. He had to fix this.

"That can't be right," he insisted. "Who were the failures?"

"I'm sure you've heard of them. Furuhashi Fumino and Ogata Rizu."

His eyes narrowed. "The two geniuses? What happened with them?"

"I tutored them." Kirisu-sensei explained how in their first year, she'd been assigned to help them in their struggling subjects. They'd insisted on pursuing subjects pretty far from their skillsets. Furuhashi wanted to study astronomy while Ogata was interested in psychology.

"That's unexpected, but what's wrong with wanting to study something else? They don't have to do what they're good at."

"True, but they struggled with their desired subjects. I tried to help them at least get passing grades in science and literature, but that was still a monumental task. My repeated suggestions to save themselves pain and pursue their talents were ignored. Perhaps that was to be expected, but I had to try. It only led to failure."

"Is there a possibility that you didn't? You're not tutoring them now, maybe they changed their minds and you just don't know it."

"No," she said. "Even now they're being tutored by one of the other teachers of the school and haven't realized the difficulties they'll face if they continue with their behavior." Kirisu-sensei sighed.

"Frankly, sensei, it doesn't matter what you say." Jurou said, specifically calling her sensei instead of -san like she'd asked. He had a good idea why she wanted it that way. Calling her sensei stressed how wrong their relationship was, but he had to say it now. "You're a great teacher. You teach well, you have lots of great studying techniques, and you helped me improve and get interested in subjects I ignored."

It was the best he could do. Just a blunt statement on how he thought of her.

Then he added. "I love you."

Kirisu-sensei's eyes widened before she faced away. "I-I'm aware of that. It makes you biased. Even if I were a bad teacher you would likely say such things."

"No I wouldn't. I'd just keep my mouth shut. I've thought of you as a great teacher since our first tutoring session, and back then I didn't even like you that much."

Her lips pressed together. "That's . . . that's enough about my qualities as a teacher. Thank you for your compliments, but I don't want to discuss it anymore."

"Okay, but if you even hint that you don't think you're a great teacher, get ready for an argument."

"Very well."