A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews, they honestly make so happy! I love that there's new people finding this all the time, I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this fanfiction. Also, please ignore any spelling mistakes, I've been rereading old chapters and I've noticed a lot of typos... Anyway, I don't think there's anything else I need to say. I hope you enjoy this chapter!!!!
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For the rest of the week, I find myself thinking about what Rosamund said. What does Robert think happened? He doesn't want to be with me, he made that clear. Or did he? Was he hurt by my remark about wasting my time? I didn't mean that. I need to talk to him. My finger hesitates over his name in my phone. Should I call him? Although Rosamund says he hasn't moved on, I don't know for sure that he hasn't. Harold would never think to inform me about his love life, but Robert and his sister are a lot closer than Harold and I are. I put my phone down on the table in front of me. I don't have the courage to call him. I can't do it. I swallow and push my hair out of my face, behind my ears. Yes, I can. I pick up my phone, and hover my finger over the call button. Nope, I can't.
"Grow up!" I tell myself, sternly. I take a deep breath. Is this really a conversation I want to have over the phone? No. I need to see him in person for this. I frown, and click off Robert's name on my phone. Can I just appear at his house? No, probably not, but I can try.
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It's cold outside, so I put a warm jacket on over my trousers and blouse. I've curled my hair and put on a pair of heeled boots too. I have no idea what I'm doing. My heart is set on going to see Robert, but my head is convinced I shouldn't, as it's only going to end badly. I ignore my head and walk to the Underground. The train journey isn't long, I soon recognise the landmarks that tell me I'm nearing Robert's house. Once I'm off the train, I walk as slowly as possible, weighing the pros and cons of seeing Robert versus the pros and cons of turning around now and trying to move on from him. I don't even know what I'm going to say to him! I begin to panic, but his gates are less than ten metres from me now, and the camera balanced on the wall has swivelled towards me. I bite my lip, every time I've been here, the gates have just swung open, because Robert was expecting me. I really didn't think this through. What if he's working? Abroad? At a charity event? Visiting his parents, or his sister? I feel like bursting into tears, I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying. I look in vain towards the large house, when the gates suddenly swing open. There's a fluttering of hope in my chest as I watch the large iron gates move, maybe this will go smoothly after all.
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I take another deep breath, trying to calm myself down, before knocking on the door. Robert wouldn't have let me in the gates if he didn't want to see me. The sound of the door opening startles me, I wasn't concentrating. I glance up, but it's not Robert, it's his housekeeper.
"Hello," I say, nervously. Mrs Clarke smiles, gesturing for me to come inside.
"Miss Levinson. Mr Crawley is upstairs, in the library." Mrs Clarke takes my jacket and I blink quickly as I look around the familiar room. My nerves show through my erratic movements, but Robert's housekeeper ignores them with a kindness I can't express my gratitude for. I rub the back of my neck in another nervous movement as I face the stairs.
"Does he know I'm here?" I ask. Mrs Clarke nods, before moving towards the kitchen. He knows I'm here. I tell myself again that Robert wouldn't have let me in if he didn't want to see me. My mouth is dry and my hands are sweaty as I head up the stairs, I've never been so nervous about doing anything. My first day at Lucrum was a holiday compared to this.
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I stand outside the library and bite the inside of my cheek. The knowledge that Robert is on the other side of the door makes me terrified. I'm terrified of how easily he could break my heart, I've built up so much hope that he's going to take me in his arms and apologise for the time we've spent apart. I shake those thoughts from my head and knock on the door. I can do this.
"Come in," Robert calls. His voice sends chills up my spine. The library is much the same as it was the last time I was here. Robert is behind his desk, I suspect he was sitting before I entered, but he's standing up now. "Cora," he says quietly, in greeting.
"Robert," I answer, my voice cracking. I shut the door behind me, as Robert moves around his desk and gestures towards the sofa. I try to smile, but I fear it's more of a grimace.
"Please, sit," he asks, and I follow his instruction, sitting on the sofa. I take a deep breath, wondering if I should speak or if he has something to say. I've come to speak to him, I should say something, but I'm struggling to find the right words.
"I'm sorry for bursting in on you..." I begin. He rubs his nose in a nervous gesture, he seems as apprehensive as I am. "I wanted to talk to you." His direct eye contact distracts my concentration momentarily. "I probably should have called, but it's not the kind of conversation you have over the phone... I'm sorry that I said I was wasting my time, Robert. I hope you know I didn't mean it." Robert looks away, and I can see the hurt etched on his features. I bite my lip. "I was hurt, too. It didn't come out the way I meant it to come out." Robert glances at me.
"How did you mean it to come out?" he asks, his voice rough, his formality briefly gone. I look down at my hands as I answer.
"I meant... I want to settle down, Robert. I don't do flings, I don't do summer romances. I want a relationship with a future, where my partner and I have similar goals. I enjoyed spending time with you so much that it didn't cross my mind that you perhaps didn't want a future with me at first... What you said, in my apartment, did you mean it?" Robert grimaces.
"We're very different, Cora. You don't do summer romances and flings, but that's all I do. Serious relationships are not my thing. I've done relationships only a few times before, and they've never ended well. But to answer your question, I didn't mean what I said. I think you'd make an excellent Countess of Grantham, but I would never ask you to give up their life to become the Countess of Grantham, I couldn't ask anyone to do that." I frown.
"What do you mean?"
"Cora, if you were the Countess of Grantham, you wouldn't be able to work for Lucrum anymore. You'd spend the rest of your life devoted to charities and worthy causes." I don't reply, biting my lip. "It's not something anybody wishes on themselves, you have virtually no freedom."
"Your parents have made it work," I point out. Robert sighs.
"I know that there is many moments they've wished to be free of the Earldom. Don't you think they would have preferred to be present in their children's childhood? That my mother would have wished she could have seen more of her family, instead of travelling to events with my father constantly?" I put my hand up to stop him.
"I get your point. There's obviously disadvantages, but for me, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages." Robert shakes his head disbelievingly.
"What advantages are there?" he asks, bitterly.
"Robert, your father isn't going to die tomorrow. You have years before you become the Earl of Grantham. If anyone married you, I believe being your wife would outweigh any disadvantages the Earldom would throw at them." I shock myself with how forward I'm being, and bite my lip as I wait for him to reply. He doesn't reply, standing up and crossing the room. He stands before the window, and I watch him in silence. He turns around suddenly, moving towards me quickly. I realise his intent, and meet him in the middle of the room. His hands move to my cheeks where he pulls my face close to his. The feeling of his lips on mine sets my heart racing. My arms are tight around his neck. I didn't realise how much I had really missed him until now.
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When Robert pulls away, it's too soon. I bite my lip for the millionth time today, unsure of what he's going to do next.
"When you asked where we were going..." Robert whispers. "I don't care where we go, as long as I get to come with you. I don't want you to give up your future for me, Cora, but I don't think I can let you go anymore." I smile and kiss him again, not sure what else there is to say. I love him, oh, I love him, but I don't think he's ready to hear it again, or say it back so I stay silent as he kisses me, enjoying the feeling of being close to him once again.
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A/N: They're back together!!! I really, really hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I know how much everyone wanted them to get back together! I'm really enjoying reading your reviews, they make me so so happy!! Thank you for the well wishes with my exams, they've (thankfully) gone well so far!!!!