My neck has a major crick in it when the sunlight hits my eyes and pulls me out of my sleep. I groan as I straighten up but my arm doesn't come with me. I look down at it to find Lucy curled against me still dressed in her yoga pants and white t-shirt, her hair even messier than yesterday. I wrap my other arm around her and squeeze her.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"No, I'm sorry." I squeeze her as hard as I can "I shouldn't have pushed, I knew I shouldn't have answered the phone and I'm just really sorry." I nuzzle my face into her hair and hold her there and she lets me.

"I didn't mean to upset you, Lucy," I kiss the top of her head.

"I know." Her voice is still a whisper.

"I just want to protect you." I tell her.

"I know." She says again.

"I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Lucy." I drop my forehead to hers and look into her eyes. She reaches up and brushes her fingers across my cheek.

"Me either." She presses a kiss to my mouth, I love that she never holds a grudge.

She pulls back too soon but not away. She keeps her hand on my arm, her eyes full of remorse.

"I didn't mean to be gone for so long, I just started walking and then I just…" she sighs "there are just things I thought I wouldn't have to deal with anymore, things I thought I took care of but now it's like…" she shakes her head as if to erase the thought.

"Like what?" I ask.

"It doesn't matter." She says firmly "It's just something I thought I was finished with and apparently, I'm not so…" she shrugs "I have to deal with it… eventually."

"You know I'm here for you." I cup her chin in my hand "whatever you need me for, I'm here."

"I know, I just wanted to leave certain things behind." She gives me a quick peck on the cheek and slides off the couch. She holds her hand out to me "come have morning drinks with me."

"Perfect." I let her pull me into the kitchen, I take a seat at the table and text Grey and Juvia to let them know Lucy made it home alright.

"So…"

Lucy's phone interrupts me, she freezes and glances at the screen but the smile that spread across her face means it can only be one person.

"Hey Juvia." She puts the kettle on and pops some bread into the toaster. I can hear Juvia's voice from across the kitchen.

"I know." Lucy's voice gets a little quieter "I'm sorry, I just needed to be alone and figure a few things out." Lucy grabs an avocado from the fridge and cuts it in half. The toast pops up and she puts it on her favorite plate, the one with the colorful arrows and feathers on it.

she pops in two more slices of bread and smears the avocado over the two pieces of toast.

"I know, I know." Lucy smiles slightly "I'll call you back in a bit, Natsu and I are about to eat some breakfast." She smiles a little wider.

"I love you too, Juvia, bye." Lucy sets her phone aside and brings the plate of toast to me. She grabs one slice and pushes the other toward me.

"Eat up while its hot." She goes back to the stove and grabs two cups down. Of course, she grabs her Paris cup and a tea bag from her tea drawer for her and the instant coffee for me. I love watching her in the mornings. She just wakes up glowing, something is still off though[GM1] .

Lucy keeps her arm linked through mine as we walk through Manhattan. There's no way we can actually afford anything here but, Lucy likes to look at the buildings and the lights. She seems lighter, I guess leaving our phones at home was a good idea after all. She's not worried about getting a call she doesn't want to answer.

"They've already got some lights up, they set up for Christmas earlier and earlier every year." Lucy laughs. "It's not even Halloween yet."

"They probably want to get it up before the cold sets in." I guess. "can't imagine it's fun putting this stuff up in the snow and ice."

"You're probably right." Lucy agrees squeezing my arm. She rests her head against my arm "I wouldn't want to work on ladders in the ice and cold." Her eyes trail over the city, she seems more like herself as she admires everything around us. I can't help but look at her, nothing here is as beautiful or worthy of my complete and undivided attention as Lucy is. The lights reflect in her eyes, the cold air makes her cheeks pink and that lip balm she always uses makes her smell fruity and makes her lips look almost as soft as they feel.

"This is good." She breathes the words, I don't think she even meant them for me, I think she's just reminding herself. She pulls away the slightest bit she turns to get a few extra seconds to look at something.

"What should we make for dinner tonight?" Lucy asks, eyes trailing from the bottoms of the buildings all the way to the top. We pass boutiques and salons and jewelry stores, we pass the one I saw the ring she would love in and I stop to look at it. She follows me without question, her eyes trailing over the glittering case.

"What do you think of these?" I ask her.

"They're pretty she says, awfully shiny though." She chews on her cheek, her eyes falling on the very ring I knew she'd like.

"These look like engagement rings." She notes and slides a smile at me "is this about the other day?" She asks.

"What other day?" I try to shrug it off but I guess I know now… she remembers.

"When you asked what I thought about marriage." She gives me a knowing look and straightens back up.

"and?" I ask her.

"And…" she looks at the display of things I can't buy her and she looks to me. Her smile is gentle, her eyes serene and as she brings her hand to my face "are you asking?" she looks like an angel. A human being just can't be this perfect.

"Do you want me to?" I ask back, her eyes cloud a bit and she drops her hand to my shoulder.

"That's not the question I was talking about." She glances back at the rings for a second before returning her eyes to me. "I told you that I see you, I only see you." She smiles again but this time there's an edge of sadness to it. "If you have to ask then maybe you're not ready." She puts on a good face, but it's tainted with disappointment.

Good job, you're messing up the best thing that's ever happened to you

"And that's okay." She takes a deep breath, the kind she takes when she doesn't want to lose control of her emotions.

No, it's not okay, I think fix this, ask her! I just watch her as her hands falls away from my shoulder and she wraps her arms around herself and she nods her head toward the street.

"Let's keep walking, I don't want to go home yet." She takes my hand when I don't move and pulls me forward. There's still a bounce to her step and her a bob in her head and her hair still cascades perfectly down her back but something is missing.

"Come on." Lucy pulls me faster, she's wearing her white converse with the red stripe today. She pulls me into a run and we're just running and man… I love her durability. She just keeps going, nothing can hold her down.

So, who is calling that seems to be a weight dragging against her? I shake the thought away because I don't want to think about it when Lucy is trying not to.

"Faster!" She laughs as her hair whips back and a few strands flap into my mouth. I choke them out and run faster.

"Come on, Natsu!" her breath is picking up, her pulse is in her hand but she loves this. I love that she can find joy in anything.

"Come on!" Lucy pulls me faster, I try to keep up but she's fast, she's always been fast.

"I'm coming!" I find myself laughing with her, her laugh is contagious. She pulls me down the street through the clusters of people, visitors and New Yorkers and tourists all in their perspective groups and Lucy doesn't fit into any of them.

"Come on!" Lucy giggles whipping around a corner so fast I almost run into her.
"Where are we going?" I ask her, she laughs again.

"Towards." She says.

"Towards what?" I try to get a little more information.

"I don't know." She keeps running. I should have known she wouldn't know any more than I do. I'd follow her anywhere though.

We finally stop, chests heaving, heart pounding in our chest. She stands in the grass I can see the bridge just down the way as Lucy raises her arms to the sky, her chest inflates with her breath and she drops her head back. She closes her eyes and spins in a circle fully enjoying the night, cold river air and all.

I rest my hands on her waist and her arms wrap around my neck I pull her closer to me. her lips are soft against my neck.

Ask her I should ask her. The scene is perfect and I'm ninety percent she'd say yes because she would have said it's not the right time for her if it was about her not being ready. I've made her think I'm not ready. I'm not asking her just because Grey asked Juvia.

I look down at the top of Lucy's head, I want to say it. I want to ask her but my mouth won't form the words.

"I love you." It's all I can get out. I don't and have never had a problem telling LucyI love her. It was the most terrifying and then exciting thing I've ever experienced when the words just fell out and then Lucy said them back and she smiled and I don't know why asking her is so hard.

"I love you too." Lucy whispers back, her arms tighten around my neck.

Dear Diary,

Eh, still not right. I don't know who is going to read this though. Juvia maybe? Mom isn't really a reader and Owen and I haven't been close in over a year now. Either way, I need to tell someone something how AMAZING this guy is.

We went to the park today, he pushed me on the swings and then I pushed him because GENDER EQUAILTY and then we had a bet on who could go higher. I won and he was okay with it. He didn't make any excuses, he even gave me a prize, a piggy back ride around the park.

Lucy

Author's Note:

Thanks so much for reading another chapter coming in a few minutes