A/N: I never intended for this to turn into an angsty story, but then I wrote this mess. LOL

I do want to go ahead and give all my readers a heads up. The next chapter or two (I'm not sure how long it will take yet) will be very dark. I will need to give a trigger warning that will contain a spoiler, so if you want to avoid spoilers and will not be easily triggered by sensitive topics, then you will want to skip over chapter 15's author's note.

Chapter 14

Their eyes met, and it felt like an eternity before either one spoke. She was resolved to remain hard and unfeeling; he was starving for her attention.

Her hair was curled perfectly around her face with a red headband neatly in place. He loved it when she wore headbands.

His suit was charcoal with a lavender pocket square and a deep plum bowtie. She loved him in purple.

She was breathtakingly beautiful.

He was devastatingly handsome.

He wanted to go to her and forget the past nine days of turmoil. He faltered when he didn't see the twinkle in her eyes that had made him volunteer to work with her in English class two months ago. Her gaze was harsh and dispassionate. He wanted to speak, but he didn't feel he had the right to dictate how this would go. He needed to carefully follow her directions. One misstep could take away this singular opportunity to right his wrongs. He lowered his eyes to his hands, waiting for some indication that he was even permitted to be there.

She didn't know where to start. She had spent the past two hours outlining exactly how she wanted this meeting to go - the questions she would ask, the callous stance she would take, the unbreakable expression she would use to mask her thoughts. But she was unprepared. No matter how much she'd gone over this moment in her head; nothing could have prepared her for seeing him in person. All of the memories, all of the caresses, all of the special moments came flooding back, and it very nearly brought her to her knees. Just as quickly, all of the pain he had caused crashed down on her, and she had to settle herself onto the bed to keep from losing her balance.

When he saw the distraught look in her eyes reflecting the pain that he felt in his own heart, he couldn't stand the silence any longer. He cautiously took a few steps into her room and began, "Blair, I…"

"Wait. Please stop talking," Her bottom lip trembled as he approached her and she scooted further away from him, protectively wrapping her arms around her chest. "I do not want to talk about the gala. I only called you here because we have a rather serious matter to discuss."

He dropped his head and closed his eyes, trying to tend to the new wounds she'd opened with her words. He hadn't expected her to be so closed off. He had expected her to yell, maybe slap him, maybe cry out in anger, but he had not expected her to turn into a statue of stone surrounded by impenetrable walls. "Blair, please, I am so sorry. It wasn't what it seemed. Gossip Girl…"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it!" She screamed. The normally collected brunette shook with frustration, so Chuck closed his mouth and waited.

They both stood in silence for several moments. Neither looking at the other. Both drowning in heart-wrenching pain and fear.

After she was able to compose herself, she slowly started to speak. "I need to know about boarding school. About Damien Dalgaard."

His head shot up and his eyes darted to her face. It was the last thing he expected to hear. Now he realized why she had asked to meet him. She needed the gritty details to exact her revenge. He felt his temper start to rise before taking several deep breaths to calm himself. If he wanted Blair to trust him, he had to trust that she would not betray him once she had the full story. Relationships were built on honesty, right? Relationships, honesty, trust. It all felt so foreign to him, but he was determined to be someone worthy of Blair Waldorf's devotion. He made himself a promise in that moment. No more lies. No more secrets.

"May I sit?" He asked, motioning toward her desk chair. She didn't respond, but simply waved her arm in agreement. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything. From the beginning. Georgina says you killed him. Is that true?" She couldn't tear her gaze from his face now. Her words clearly had an effect on him. He drew another breath, and ran his hands through his hair.

He didn't raise his eyes from their focus on the floor when he gave her a slight nod of his head. She saw his shoulders slump, and she longed to reach out to him.

The weight of emotions was suffocating. He felt heartbroken at recalling the untimely, unnecessary death of his friend, but he was also terrified that this would change how Blair viewed him. She already hated him for his part in her humiliation at the gala, but what will she possibly think about him now that she knows he's a monster?

For the first time since this conversation began, he dared to look up at her. In her eyes, he saw sorrow, empathy, and disbelief. He was surprised that he did not see horror, shock, or fear reflected there.

She slowly opened her mouth to speak, and then shut it again, contemplating the right words. She needed an explanation, but she didn't want to push him too far. "I...I don't understand."

A tear streamed down his cheek, but he didn't bother to swat it away. His voice was nothing more than the weak whisper of a man defeated far too many times. "I didn't physically kill him, but I provided the bullet that did."

"Chuck, I'm not following...how did Damien die?"

At the bluntness of her question, he buried his head in his hands and cried in earnest. His whole body shook with violent convulsions, and Blair could hear the deep soul-crushing sobs emanate from deep within his throat.

At first, she was frozen with uncertainty. In the many moments that she'd spent with Chuck in the last few months, she'd never seen such a blatant display of raw emotion. For a moment, she forgot her anger and her quest for revenge. In this moment, the only thing that existed insider her was a desperate need to comfort this boy for whom she cared so deeply.

She carefully lowered herself to her knees in front of him and gripped his hands in her own. He looked up at her in surprise, and she gasped at the bright red splotches littered across his face and puffy eyes that stared back at her. He sniffled, and she squeezed his hands. "It's okay, Chuck, you can tell me."

"God, Blair, it's so horrible. I'm so ashamed. The guilt is unbearable. It's all my fault. He was seventeen years old, and it's all my fault. He should still be here. He should..." His voice broke off with another sob, and he couldn't speak anymore.

Blair gently pulled him off the chair and into the floor with her. She pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and slowly dabbed at the wet spots on his cheeks. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled his head down to her neck. He continued to weep as she softly stroked his hair and shushed him as a mother does a distraught baby. She placed tender sweeping kisses across his forehead and rocked their bodies lightly in a soothing motion.

They remained in that position for a half hour. Neither one speaking; both hearts breaking.

His breathing finally started to return to normal, and he pulled back slightly from her embrace. She looked in his eyes and squeezed his hands once again in reassurance.

With a shaky breath, he started his story.

A/N: I know that this show of emotions is quite OOC for Chuck, especially high school Chuck. However, here were my reasons for writing it this way: 1. Chuck tends to internalize everything and has very strict walls built up around him. Even his closest friends (say, Nate) don't know everything that goes on in his head. 2. He hasn't even opened up completely with his therapists; we saw this behavior with Dr. Barnes on the show. 3. Allowing himself to be vulnerable and open with Blair shows a level of trust and connection between the two that they don't share with anyone else. 4. I think it's completely plausible that he would blame himself for pulling Damien down with him, he just wouldn't talk about it. Revealing this to Blair is his breaking point. Deep down he is afraid that he's too twisted to be good enough for someone like Blair, and speaking the words confirms that in his mind. This isn't Chuck's public persona; he will always be someone who remains cool and unaffected, even by tragedy for a large part, but he feels comfortable enough with Blair to show his vulnerability to her.