A/N: This chapter has a steamy scene. Where will Wade go for therapy? Things are a little rocky on the homefront.

CHAPTER 14 The Answer is in the Whys

Jackson was 3 months old now. Wade worked all of the time. Zoe went back to work part time. Rose would keep the baby 3 days a week and the other two days rotated between lavon, Candice, AB, Lemon, even Tansy had come back into their life.

One day, Zoe picked up Jackson from Lemon.

"Um, Lemon, can we talk?"

"Yeah as long as you don't mind me stealing kisses here from baby Jack, while you are talking."

"He never talks anymore. Rarely cracks a joke."

"Zoe Kinsella, he is in pain. You have never had someone die that you were that close to for 26 years. Give him some time"

"Is he doing the same thing at work?"

"Well why don't you go over there and find out. I will stay with Jackson a little longer. He probably doesn't want to bother you with his feelings. Never been good at that."

"Like when he gave you up when he was twelve years old? He couldn't express his feelings for you to you or George so he just acted like they weren't there?"

"Yeah, like that Zoe. We were kids but yes Wade was my first kiss. I will never forget it."

"Wish my first kiss looked like that!" Zoe said laughing.

"Well one thing Wade does not lack in , is his good looks. He is hotter than , well ladies don't say things like that so I will close my mouth."

"Lemon, he never told me you were his first kiss. He had never told me most of that stuff he said at the funeral. I knew you all were friends growing up but I had o idea that three of you were inseparable from 9-18 yrs old."

"Does he know every detail of your life growing up. I expect he doesn't. Now quit worrying and go see him"

"Hey Cowboy." I said with a sultry smile.

"Hey Doc, coffee?"

"No"

"Wine?"

"No"

"Well I know you hate sweet tea so what the hell do ya want?"

His tone hurt her to the very core. He knew it. He couldn't help himself.

"My husband that's all." she mumbled.

"Me , you want me? You have me Doc, see that ring on your finger."

"Wade you have to let me in."

"I must be dumb because I don't understand"

"Don't play that card with me. You know exactly what I mean" as she raised her voice.

"Do you mind keepin it down? We do still have a few stragglers from lunch. Go on home, I will be there at 6 when Wanda gets here."

She walked behind the bar and pulled him closer to the kitchen.

"Wade, make love to me. Close the bar for an hour. They are getting up ready to leave."

"Zoe, I can't . I will see you at home. He pecked her on the head with his lips"

Wade came home at six, grabbed a beer and sat on the porch for almost an hour. Zoe grabbed Jackson and took him out to his dad. He played with Jackson by himself for another hour before Zoe came out.

"I can't believe how much he looks like you. He is a Wade duplicate."

"I feel sorry for him."

"Really, you have used those looks to charm the ladies for years."

Wade held Jackson on his lap while he fed him a bottle. Despite him not communicating with Zoe, he had still been a perfect father to their son. It was closing in on 9pm.

"I am going to put him down for the night. Just stay out here, I have a surprise for you."

Zoe came out wearing a red lace teddy, that showed off every inch of body. She had a tray of jello shots.

"Baby, you look enticing to say the least."

"Wade we don't have to use words but we have to communicate and connect" as she spread her leafs and sat on his lap facing him.

"This is going to be hard to resist"

"Why would you want to resist? I am your wife and a hot one at that."

"Yes , yes you are."

"We, Wade Kinsella , are going to have a bit of fun. Jello shots. Watermelon or strawberry?"

"Watermelon" They both leaned their head back.

"For every shot you take, you get to untie one lace on the teddy until it falls off. Every shot I take, I get to take off a whole piece of your clothing. Deal?"

"Zoe, I don't know if I am up for all of this"

"Since you called me Zoe, I know you are serious but I am serious too.

I am not Zoe, DOc, or Mama tonight, got it. You are not Wade."

"Ok Brittany" he laughed as he unlaced one string on her teddy.

"I need help, I am so cold, Alex, can you give me your shirt?"

She lifted his faded garment washed red tshirt over his head. She ran her hands over his chest admiring every aspect. She had missed this.

She handed him a shot. He slung it twirled the next lace around his fingers until it uncoiled. It left her breasts partially exposed.

Zoe took her shot. She bent down and unlaced his belt buckle then with her mouth, she slided it out of its loops. He gasped.

Wade let the third shot slip down his throat with ease. Thi time he untied the lace of her right shoulder which was holding that side up on its own. It fell and he kissed her shoulder. He noticed that she had chill bumps instantly.

"Your turn Brittany, was it? I usually don't do this on the first date" and winked

Brittany , aka Zoe, sucked her third shot down.

"She unbuttoned his 501's slowly making sure to apply pressure to his center. He was feeling it. She forcefully pushed his pants down and she turned with her back to him as shimmied her way back up rubbing against his boxers.

"Looks like we are down to one shot each."

"Let's do them at the same time" she said.

They both took them easily. Zoe Of course was feeling the buzz already.

He unlaced her left shoulder with his teeth, breathing heavily. His warm breath on her neck was lighting her fire. He kissed her from her shoulder to her lips. Just the way she liked it but then he added a little something new. A flicker.

"Alex, it is time for you to show me what you got." she giggled as she went around to his back side and slid his boxers off from behind." I love the view"

"Baby, I mean Brittany, I can promise you the view is better from this side." He pulled her from the back to the front coming under his arm. They stood on their porch, in all their glory. Kissing like young new lovers.

"I love you and I want you like never before" she said.

She pushed him into the chair beside the fireplace. She

mounted him, gyrating and grinding on him. He was licking and kissing all around. She arched her back and he powerfully took her breast into his mouth. She was letting out little moans of appreciation. She leaned back even further so her back was laying on his knees, her hair touching the floor. She could feel his excitement. But she wanted more first. She sat back up when she couldn't take it anymore. He slid in easily and what started out as a game, then into sex, then turned into the most incredible display of love.

At the end, they were both in tears. He picked her up and carried her onto their bed.

"Zoe, how can I be a man, when all I do is cry these days."

"You cry because you ARE a man, Wade. You are learning to show your emotions. It is always better to let it out than to hold it in."

"I am sorry baby, sorry for shutting you out these last couple of months. I just don't know how to be without Tucker as my anchor. I know you never thought him that way for me but he was."

" Can I be your anchor now?"

"You are my anchor, it is hard to explain. I have made so many decisions in my life because of Tucker."

"Like"

"Well as you heard at the funeral, gave up Lemon for him.

Never became a pitcher because he wanted to be, even though Jesse had taught me a mean curve.

Made the decision to stay with my dad because of George, I knew if it was him, he would have stayed.

You, I knew you were into him so I never could say how I felt.

The first time , I ever made a decision of any consequence without the approval of Golden, I mean George was about you. He was supposed to be marrying Lemon so I thought the coast was clear. I was with you that night. God how I love that night. But now , I also think of it as the night that led to his…" he tried to continue a couple of times but didn't.

"Wade, are you sorry that you are married to me and that we have a family?"

"God no, Zoe. I love you with all my heart and soul. You know he told me he was good with us that night in New York. "

"Would you have done anything differently if he wasn't okay with us being together then?"

"No, I called him before Thursday night and told him if he couldn't be happy for us then not to come. He came Zoe, he came. What if I wouldn't have been so selfish? I should have known he wasn't over you, who could be? You are perfect."

"Well first of all, plenty of people have like Zach after six years, then there was Bobby Oschner in 8th grade. George never had me. We kissed once that first year and then again in New York. It was a fantasy he cooked up. Maybe we both did for a while. We were both trying to escape our pain. Me finding out my father wasn't my father, my mother lying and my real father being dead. I don't know what Georges was but that is why we were trying to get him into rehab and counseling. The only person I am perfect for, is you Wade Kinsella"

"I know. Zoe, I want to go back to therapy. I don't want to mess this up. I was real close before tonight to messing it up."

She looked at him with confusion and a painful feeling was starting to swell up her body. A feeling she remembered well.

"Did you? Wade tell me you didn't"

"I didn't Zoe"

"Did you even kiss someone else?"

"No Zoe, but that is how I have always escaped my pain, you know that. Zoe, please don't cry. I can't take it right now. I just can't."

"You are asking me not to cry when you have contemplated cheating on me?"

"Zoe, I haven't contemplated it or thought about it, I just know me and Tucker has knocked me back quite a few steps. I am asking if you will go to therapy with me. I want to come out of this on the right side, wIth my family intact. I love you Zoe Kinsella with everything I have.

There are so many things you don't know about me and that I don't even know I should tell you. Please come with me."

"Yes, absolutely yes."

They kissed through their emotions. She laid on her stomach and he moved her long curled hair out of the way so he could trace her from her shoulder to her heels. She was more than he ever deserved in his opinion. But then again, that was part of his problem. She fell asleep while he was gently rubbing her back. He heard Jack on the baby monitor. He put his boxers back on, and fed Jack.

XXXX

During the third therapy session, Zoe finally understood something. What had been going on in Wade's head. She knew he blamed himself for letting George go that day instead of taking him to pack his bag. But this went deeper. She learned his reason for sleeping around.

"Lemon?" I barely could breathe. "Your best friend and business partner?"

"As the head doctor has figured out. As a kid, not now, Zoe, I loved her. I didn't want to make George feel weird so I didn't "date' her or whatever 12 year olds do. I have never had a girlfriend. Well I had a wife, Tans, but we dated 3 weeks, got married while drunk on a shrimp boat, lived together for two weeks and it was over."

"So how does Lemon factor into you sleeping around."

"Just never wanted to get close to anyone because I knew at any moment someone would come along that was better than me, like Tucker and sweep her off her feet. Or number two I would lose them and the pain would be excruciating like it was when mom died. Or I didn't want to lose George as a friend."

"It was 3-4 years before George asked her out. Did you like her the entire time?"

" I don't know for sure, maybe a crush for a little while but knew I would never act on it. I always had dates for all the dances and bonfires. No one ever thought about it. Back then, I would just go on a couple of dates and then get real busy with sports so it didn't seem like I didn't want them"

"So that is why every girl in this town would bend over backwards for you."

He smiled, " Well not this town because we are in Mobile."

She half liked that he was starting to joke around. That was a step in the right direction. " I never broke anyone's heart and no one else, ever broke mine, until you."

"So George broke your heart not Lemon?"

"Lemon never even knew and still doesn't. Of course she knows how much I love her but she didn't know I loved her differently as a teenager. George demanded that I not like her cause it would mess up our threesome. I would do anything for Tucker. He was my best friend"

"Can I compete with all of this history? I have gone almost four years not knowing how deeply your feelings ran for Lemon."

"Doc, you don't have to. This is not in the present tense. This is the reason why I have turned to one night or two night stands in the past to ease my pain. No woman , including my mom has stayed with me or fought for me until you."

"I need to get some air"

"Zoe, please"

"I will be back"

Zoe eased herself back in the chair. It seemed like she could see right through me. She said,"I have questions. I want yes or no answers."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes"

"Do you only love me romantically?"

"Yes"

"Do you want to be with me for the rest of your life?"

"Yes"

"Will you buy Lemon out of her portion of the business?"

"What?"

Wade looked at the therapist. The therapist said."Wade, if the answer is yes, then tell her why. If the answer is no, tell her why."

Wade said" There is a lot that would go into the decision. There is money, longer hours, etc.'

Zoe said " Let me put it differently, if you had someone to share the responsibilities and the hours, If we had the money to buy her out. Would you buy out her portion of the bar?"

"Yes. You are my wife and if it would help our relationship yes."

"Now I have a question for you. What if I said no, would you walk out on me and our family? Because George gave me an ultimatum that day at twelve years old and for the next eighteen years I lived with the consequences of that decision. Not the consequences of not telling Lemon that I liked her, the consequences of never being able to have a long term relationship. Two years ago, I finally had the guts to go for it because I was living a miserable life and you were entering my thoughts every minute of every day."

"I don't want you to buy her half of the bar. I just wanted to know what you felt the most important thing was in your life and if you would put Jack and I first. Wade, so after we had sex that night,you thanked me for for last night in front of George. That was the first time you went against George's feelings?" She moved beside me on the couch.

"Yeah, I learned here in therapy that sometimes you have to put yourself first. It's not being selfish."

"So when I said I still had feelings for George several times during our first year together.." Zoe mumbled

"Like a serrated knife sawing back and forth on my heart, yeah." Wade sighed.

"I guess I have been the topic of conversation here more than I have known."

"Maybe but it is my baggage Doc, not yours."

The therapist said " This was a very productive session. The both of you have to keep working on communicating the whys. Life is not black and white. So whenever you ask a question be prepared for the why's. See ya next week."

They rode silently all the way home. She was sitting in the middle seat of Lavon's navigator though. He had his arm around her , his fingers spinning her hair. He turned off the ignition. " Zoe Hart Kinsella, you have always been the only one for me. I have never loved anyone else like I love you. I knew that I loved you way before you knew you loved me. Our family has made me whole. With Tucker dying, it just spun me around and tied me up in knots. I am dealing with it now. Are you still happy you married me?"

"That is the stupidest thing you have ever said to me. I have enough fight in me for both of us. If you can't fight then I will. I did and I am fighting for you now. Fighting for you to quit blaming yourself. Yes, I am happy that I married the most caring, witty, sexy ,loving , jerk, in the world."

"I think us doing therapy together is great for us. Although I feel like I am in some cheesy Hallmark movie all the time lately."

They gave each other a quick kiss and gathered Jack's stuff up from AB and went home.