I persist and resist the temptation to ask you
If one thing had been different
Would everything be different today?
But we were something, don't you think so?
Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool
And if my wishes came true
It would've been you
In my defense, I have none
For digging up the grave another time
But it would've been fun
If you would've been the one
-"the 1" by Taylor Swift
August 11, 2012
"Hey, there's something I've been thinking about for a while and I wanted to talk to you first before doing anything," Steve told me as we sat on the couch of my apartment, both reading our own books while light music played on my speaker.
"Sure, what is it?" I ask as I put my book down.
Steve put his own book next to mine and took a moment before speaking what was on his mind. "I know that I was able to receive a lot, and you know I really mean a lot, of back pay from the military. Thanks to you of course, that was a lot of paperwork and getting bounced around by every person imaginable from the US government before actually receiving anything that I couldn't have been able to maneuver on my own." He hesitated to say what he was actually trying to bring up and I gave him a nod to encourage him to continue. "The point is, I have a lot of money that could last me a while but I want to do something more with my life right now, something good. You still have your job for Stark Industries, I really want something of my own that I can feel familiar with and be proud of."
"Okay," I responded when he stopped for my opinion. "What did you have in mind?"
"Fury wants me to join SHIELD, be a leader within their ranking system after some training on doing that within their organization. I would be going on missions, leading teams, hopefully helping the world that way." I nodded as I took in his news.
"I think that sounds like a really good idea," I finally responded.
"Really?" he asked, surprised. "I know you don't entirely like SHIELD, and I really don't blame you. I have some issues with them too, but I think I can see that they're trying at least to make the world better, keep people safe. That's why you, Peggy, Howard, and Phillips started right? If I can be a part of it, I can help it be the vision you four had."
"Yes, I think it would be a great idea. You're right, we created it with good intentions. There's always going to be bad people in the world, and the 'good guys' aren't always so good. I have had a dislike for SHIELD in recent years, but I'm learning to not be so quick to judge it or its leaders. I think having you become someone important in that organization, it'll hopefully bring some of your strong moral beliefs to the way they do things there. I also want you to be happy, and if you think this will be a job you enjoy, I support it completely."
He took my hand and gave me a smile. "Thank you, Maddi. That really means a lot."
"Just please be careful, those missions are dangerous. I hate having to worry about you every time you go to work, but it's not like I can ask you to find some boring nine to five job."
"I've never really been good at just sticking to an ordinary life huh?" he said with a chuckle and I let out a small sincere but sad smile.
"I'm not going to ask you to be someone you're not, I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with the small man who got into fights with those much too big for him." Although he was so much stronger and more capable now than back then, so were his fights. I feared the day he got himself into something too big for him to handle even now. "Maybe one day you'll grow tired of this and want to do something else, and I'll be there to support you then too."
"I'll support you too, if you decide to change your mind about your own work."
"Thank you, I'm quite content with where I'm at right now. Pepper gives me a lot of freedom to be able to work from New York and travel only when necessary. We'll see if I get bored of it anytime soon though, I've never really had the same job much longer than a decade at a time."
"Maybe you won't get bored, you can finally settle down in one place without having to worry about changing things up again in the years to come." I nodded as I took that idea in. I hadn't thought of it like that, but he was right. I could stay with this job in this city as long as I wanted. Everywhere I went, people would know who I was and that I couldn't age, so it didn't matter if I wanted to continue doing the same thing for the next 40 years.
"Maybe," I replied. I wasn't closed to change at this point, but it was nice to have the option and not be forced into hiding again.
September 20, 2012
I sat at a small coffee shop I had grown to like over the past month while I drank a cold tea in their outdoor seating and got some work done on my laptop. Since a lot of my work was done from home, I liked to take it outside whenever I could to get some fresh air. I avoided it for a while because of some of the attention I would draw in public. People knew my face better now more than ever. Of course I enjoyed those who approached me kindly, children were always my favorite to talk to, but I also got a lot of people who wanted to say nothing but rude things to me. Luckily, the owner of this coffee shop was very nice in making sure those people were taken care of if they began to become a problem. Steve had been gone for the entire week, he was doing an extensive training for SHIELD, and wouldn't be back for another week. I was working into the late afternoon when I saw movement from the corner of my eye trying to get my attention.
I looked up to see an older man standing in front of my table. I took out the earbuds playing music to give him my attention, hoping that it was someone who wouldn't be ready to tell me off for either destroying the city or lying to the public for so long. Those were the two most popular topics when it was someone who wasn't a fan of the new heroes. "Hello, miss," the man hesitated when I looked at him. He seemed flustered as he tried to find the words he wanted to say.
"Yes, can I help you?" I asked him kindly. I had a feeling he wasn't someone who was going to be mean, and I wanted to make sure I didn't give him a reason to either. I hadn't had anyone approach me the entire day, so I was in a rather good mood. I didn't mind putting aside my work for a moment for the man in front of me.
"Are you Madeline? The superhero, Miss Americana? They're calling you that, correct?"
"Yes, I am."
He took in a deep breath and I tried to decipher why he was so nervous to talk to me. "I'm not sure if you remember me, I wasn't sure if I'd find you. I didn't actually plan on trying until my granddaughter was talking about how she wanted to try this coffee shop one day, she saw it was your favorite in an online magazine or something. You're her favorite Avenger." I furrowed my eyebrows when he began talking, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt silly not being able to immediately recognize him earlier.
"Jackson?" I asked with shock clearly in my voice. Standing there in front of me was the man who almost proposed back in 1966.
"You do remember?" he asked with just as much surprise as I felt.
"Yes yes of course I do. Sit down, please." I moved everything I was working on into my bag sitting next to me. He sat down in the chair across the small table from me.
"You look wonderful by the way," he said with a small smile. "I love the red hair."
"Thank you," I replied remembering that he only ever saw me with blond hair. I didn't know what else to say. "I can't believe you're here," I settled on.
"Me neither."
"How did you, where…" I was still at a loss for words and he jumped in to explain.
"When I first saw you on TV years ago, I thought it was so strange how familiar you looked. Your face was so similar to my Lucy, your voice too, but I knew I was being ridiculous. My age was catching up to me. But then you told everyone who you really were, that you had been the same age in hiding since the forties. There was no way that was a coincidence anymore, you had to have been Lucille. I didn't know if you'd be here when I decided to come into the city to look. I didn't know how else to even try. Everytime my granddaughter brought you up, I would listen to her tell me everything she had learned about you in the past week. I wasn't sure if what she knew was all true, but it was my only chance. She had said that so many people pretended to know you from different times, nobody was really taken seriously about it anymore. But I knew I had to try. I'm not sure why, I just knew I had to."
I took in everything he had to say and just nodded in response. "Well it sounds like you got pretty lucky," I attempted to joke. "What are the odds you caught me here at the right time? I like to mix it up so that I don't get people predicting when I'll be here everyday."
"It's nice to finally see you again, it was even nicer to finally understand all the questions I had about you for so long." he gave me a sad smile.
"Oh Jackson, I am so sorry for everything I put you through. I was so selfish back then, I should have never even let us get as far as we did."
"No no, please don't feel sorry for that. It was some of my best years, I wouldn't have done them any differently.
"I knew that's how it would end though, I knew we were doomed from the start and I didn't do anything about it until it was too late. Then I found the ring and panicked. I want to apologize for that, I wish I could have explained more."
He sat and thought for a few moments before replying. "I worried about you at first, concerned that something had happened to you. Though someone told me they saw you take a train out of town and I knew right away that you weren't planning to come back. I never would have thought this was the reason you were gone. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with you, but it was for the best that things ended up the way they did."
"You said you have a granddaughter?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes, Natalie. She's 11 years old, about to start middle school. I have three grandchildren in total right now from two children of my own. I met my wife in the fall of 69 when I moved to Boston."
"Why did you move to Boston?" I asked curiously. Jackson always seemed like he wanted to stay in his small town forever.
"I don't really know. It felt like the right thing to do, to get away and find something new for myself. Without the time I had with you, I would have never left that town. You always used to talk with such wisdom, that we were both made for more than a tiny town in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. When you left, I figured you were out living that grand adventurous life you were meant to live, and I eventually knew I needed to do the same for myself. If it weren't for you, I would have never met Rachel, my wife." He gave me a wrinkled smile and I couldn't help but let the tears fall from my eyes. It felt like a million pounds were lifted from my chest.
"I'm so happy to hear that. I think so much about all the lives I felt I screwed up. To know that I didn't completely screw up yours, maybe it wasn't all as bad as I remember," I told him.
He took my hand over the table in his and held it softly. "If my wishes back then had come true, I would have married you and given you that adventurous life myself. It looks like you had your own adventures and are still having them just fine without me."
"I would have stayed with you, if Howard Stark had figured out a fix for my aging. I would have found you. I wanted to be with you, and I hated that I left you thinking otherwise."
"I guess everything would have been very different if that had happened. God really does everything for a reason, doesn't he?" He continued smiling at his thoughts. "We both found the true loves of our lives. None of that would have happened if you had aged normally in New York City and I would have never made it to Boston." I squeeze his hand in response because I was at a loss for words. I knew that good things had come from what I felt was my biggest curse, but the benefits were wider spread than I thought. It was good for me to be able to see it this way.
"Your granddaughter, Natalie, and either of your other grandchildren, if they ever want to meet me or another Avenger, I'd be happy to make it happen." I let out a laugh through the tears I still had.
"Oh I'd certainly be the coolest grandfather in the world if I did that for them," he laughed along.
November 3, 2012 (STEVE'S POV)
I sat at the dining table in Maddi's apartment as we ate dinner together, and I brought up something that had been on my mind for a while. "How would you feel about moving to DC?"
Maddi paused, surprised at the idea. "Um, I don't know. It doesn't sound like an entirely bad idea. What have you been planning?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"SHIELD's main headquarters are in DC. I think I'd have to travel less if I lived there. I wouldn't want to move though without you, I don't want to make you move either. I just thought I'd bring up the idea." I hoped she would like the idea, but I didn't want to force her into it. "Also, I think it's just been too weird living in New York after all these years."
She nodded and took time to think about my answer. "Would we get separate apartments, or live together?" she asked.
I wasn't expecting that question to be her first. "Oh, I don't know actually. Would you want to live together? I mean we spend most of the time sleeping at one apartment or the other, never really separately unless one of us is out of town. It would make sense to me for us to just move in together when we moved, if you were okay with that."
"I like that idea," she smiled. "A lot."
I couldn't contain my own grin at her words. "So DC is a good choice to consider?" I verified.
"I think it's the choice. If work would be easier for you there, I think it would be great to move. I can do my job anywhere, and living in DC would be a really amazing experience. You've been there but only ever for work, I would love to get to know the city with you."
"Okay, then we're moving to DC?" I asked.
"Yeah we're moving to DC." She and I were both visibly excited at the idea of moving somewhere new and being able to move in together. When we were younger and living in Brooklyn, we used to dream of the places we'd go someday. We got to visit so many cities for my tour, but this was something completely different. I honestly never thought I'd have the means to just suddenly move across states like this. Maddi had already been living a life like this with the Starks for decades, but it was all very new to me to have so much money to spare. It felt impossible that I'd ever run out, but I knew to still be careful with it. Money was temporary, and it wasn't something I was raised to put true value in besides the necessary roof over our heads and dinner at our table. "I'll start looking at places online that could be convenient for the both of us," she added. "We could probably get moved out there just a little past New Years."
"That sounds perfect," I told her and meant it wholeheartedly. I was going to get to live together with her again, and I wanted it to be as soon as possible.
A/N: So this full circles back to the Jackson storyline I had brought up a few times before. It was the part of Maddi's life that I connected with the Taylor Swift song "Dancing With Our Hands Tied." I actually have a new song picked out for this moment in time with Maddi and Jackson, and it's from Taylor Swift's new album, folklore. The song is "the 1," and I put the specific lyrics at the top of this chapter along with on the instagram and tumblr account telling the full story behind why I chose it. This whole dynamic was inspired to me by the movie The Age of Adeline. I fell in love with that movie, and it is something I have had in the back of my mind a lot when writing Maddi's story. Blake Lively and Harrison Ford's characters are extremely similar to Maddi and Jackson, and I hope it didn't feel awkward and random to throw it in there. I felt like it was a nice touch to be able to bring that part of her life back in a positive way, to show her that it wasn't all bad and that she doesn't have to bury it in her past.
I'm going to try and update twice a week for the next few weeks. I want to get in as much content before school picks up again. I still really look forward to your comments, so please keep giving me your thoughts! Anything you like or want to see, or any constructive criticism is all welcomed! I'll probably update on tuesdays or wednesdays and then once on the weekend depending on my work schedule. Thanks again for those continuing to read after so long, and thank you to all the new readers!