I'm shaking, and there are voices in the distance, and when I realize it's Phin shaking me, trying to wake me up, I gasp and kind of jump, but he puts his finger up to his mouth to shush me.

Frowning, I realize the voices are coming from outside my open door.

"Get up," Phin whispers. "Mom came back to talk to Dad, and now they're arguing downstairs."

Suddenly I'm fully awake. Scrambling out from under the covers, I see that it's 4:15 a.m., and I rub my eyes. Phin waves for me to follow him, and he crawls on the ground as he leaves my room. I follow, crawling on all fours, and find him sitting against the wall at the top of the stairs, close enough for us to hear but out of range for them to see us.

Mom's voice echoes in the entryway, floating up to us, and I hear her growl in frustration. Laying flat on my stomach, I peek down to see her pacing past Dad. She's in a long coat, and her black sleep shorts and a t-shirt and flip flops, and Dad's in nothing but his sweats.

I slide back to Phin and sit back up against the wall, just as Mom bursts out again.

"I feel like I'm losing my mind!"

"Maybe you are, Veronica. That's the only explanation for your behaviour…"

My whole body tenses, and I pull my legs up to my body. We've never heard our parents fight before. Or at least not that I can remember, and it scares me because I've seen Mom mad and I've seen Dad upset, but not together. This could be bad.

"Don't you dare!" she snaps. "You kissed me."

"No, once again, Veronica, you kissed me. I just kissed you back...better and more."

I can imagine Dad smirking at her when he says this like he was doing last night, and part of me wants to peek around the corner and risk being seen, just to see that.

"Why? Why would you kiss me like that? You hate me! Why on earth would you do that if you weren't trying to mess with my head…"

"Veronica! I'm not gaslighting you! And I don't hate you!"

"Yes, you do! You told me so! When I told you I was going to stay with the kids in New York without you. You told me that you hated me! That I was exactly like my mother! You called me a coward and that you were a fool for loving me! I remember, Logan. I remember it all!"

"YOU TOOK MY CHILDREN!" Dad roars, and I grab Phin's arm, terrified by the anger. "You took my children and told me you could never forgive me for the one big mistake I made. One mistake! You told me you couldn't trust me to be a good husband or a good father! That I didn't support your career ambitions, which was totally false. So yeah, at the time, I did hate you, Veronica. I hated you for taking away the one true family I had ever known."

A loud sound rises, and at first, I don't know what it is, but then I realize it's a sob coming from Mom.

"I hated you, Veronica because you made it quite clear that you hated me for getting in the way of your perfect, normal life ."

"I never hated you…"

"Then why did you take them?! If you loved me, why didn't you stay and find a way to make it work?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU COME AFTER US?!" Mom yells

I put my head on Phin's shoulder and close my eyes, listening to everything I ever worried about come out of my head but said by my parents. Why did Mom take us? Why didn't Dad come after us? Why did they do this to us?

"If you were so upset I left…" Mom yells at Dad. "...then why didn't you come to New York and make it work?! Why didn't you come for us?"

There's a spooky silence that falls, and I wonder what's going on until I hear Dad's deep, sarcastic laugh drift up to us.

"You want to know why I didn't come after you, Veronica? Do you really want to know…"

There's a long pause, and my stomach flips and flops, waiting for Dad's answer. Mom must have nodded or said something too low for us to hear because he continues.

"After that phone call, I was so upset that I started drinking. And I drank and drank and drank some more. I drank so much that I lost most of the week to a blackout. From what I was told when I woke up in a hospital bed, Dick finally got Keith to track me down. Your dad found me in a room at the Camelot, passed out on the bathroom floor. I'd been there for days and I don't remember a single one of them."

Mom's sob rises again, and I can't help it. I need to see Dad, so I let go of Phin and drop down to my belly to look down the stairs, just hoping they don't see me. Dad is on his knees in front of Mom, his face in his hands while she stands over him, arms crossed as she cries.

"I was served with divorce papers in my hospital bed, Veronica! When they released me, Keith and Dick took turns sleeping on our couch to make sure I was okay, that I didn't do anything even crazier. Your father arranged for Cliff to draft the counteroffer, giving you enough money to keep the kids comfortable. Since I knew you wouldn't accept anything more." He raises his eyes to the ceiling and laughs again. "I felt so relieved you trusted me just enough to give me the kids for Christmas and the summer holidays that I didn't fight it. I thought if I argued with you, that you would drag me to court—bring up my parents and my childhood and tell them I couldn't be trusted to be a good father…"

"...Logan, I would never…"

"How did I know?! How did I know you wouldn't! You said that you couldn't trust me, but how could I trust you at that point, either?" Dad stands and towers over Mom. "I may have hated you then, Veronica, but I hated myself even more."

Dad starts to pace around Mom, and I scoot back out of view so he can't see me.

"I didn't know…"

Dad scoffs and laughs again. "Of course you didn't know! I begged your Dad not to tell you! I thought you would keep the kids from me forever if you knew that I got blackout drunk when you stole my family…"

"Stop saying that!" she screams. "For the love of God, stop saying that I stole our children! I was the one who did everything! I nursed them and fed them and kept their schedules and made doctor's appointments and rearranged my school schedule and…"

"And you did it all because you're so goddamn stubborn you wouldn't let me help!" Dad cuts her off, and I imagine steam coming out of her ears, she's probably so mad. "I wanted to help, and even if that wasn't enough, I could have paid for us to have a big house and a nanny and a cook and a housekeeper and everything we ever needed, but you said you didn't want to be an 09er! You wanted us to suffer—to break our backs with school and the kids and each other for what!? So you could be a martyr to no one? For some twisted pride that you did everything yourself? Alone? Because congratulations, Veronica...you did just that! And what did it prove?"

"What did it prove? It proved that I didn't need your money or your help! That I wouldn't turn out to be some bored, rich, drunk housewife to a husband that didn't care and two bratty kids that cared more about clothes and cars than other people!"

"That would never have happened, Veronica! That's just some lie you tell yourself to make yourself feel better about being a coward."

"I AM NOT A COWARD!"

"BULLSHIT! We could have worked things out if you had just stayed and tried. We could have gone to therapy together. Could have sat down and worked through our problems, but you didn't even try because you're a coward."

There's silence, and for a second, I wonder if Mom is going to run again.

"You're such a coward that you couldn't even tell Keith or me that you were engaged, and instead, you just decided to spring him on us without warning. We don't deserve that. Hell, not even Piz deserves that. But you don't even see it, do you?"

There's more silence, and now I'm getting worried because if Mom has stopped talking, it means she's REALLY mad. But Dad just keeps going.

"And it's really, really not fair to the kids, for them to see us all try and tap dance around your latest...well...I don't know what Piz is really, besides a terrible life decision."

"Don't you dare bring the kids into this!" She finally yells back, and I sit up again and grip Phin's arm. "I am a damn good mother…"

"A damn good mother wouldn't have taken them away from their family like you did."

"Like you're father of the year," Mom scoffs.

"No. I'm not. But I'm trying, Veronica! You know what I did after I signed the divorce papers? I started seeing a therapist—Dick of all people helped me find one. She said I was so bad off that she wanted to see me every second day and call into the office on days that I didn't have an appointment, just to check-in. I did that for a year. And then, I felt myself getting stronger, healthier, better prepared to raise our children. And if you were here, you could have done it too. With me. For you. For OUR family."

"So what I'm seeing is the great reformation of Logan Echolls then? I would like to point out if you're trying to sell me on believing you're a grown-up, you shouldn't be doing it in a room you transformed into a rock climbing wall on a whim."

"You don't have to tear me down, Veronica, to make yourself look better. I've never done that to you, ever. And I would kindly ask that you don't do it to me."

"You don't tear me down? This whole conversation has been tearing me down."

"Not tearing at you, Veronica...just peeling back the layers to try and get inside, to try and understand why you still hate me so much."

"I don't hate you, Logan!" she gasps. "I tried and I tried to hate you, but it was too hard! I would see you at the airport with the kids, and my heart would break all over again! I would sit across from you at Christmas, just hoping you would make some joke or rude remark that would tell me that you still thought of me as anything other than just the person who bore your children! I would re-read your emails about the kids, looking for some clue or a secret message in them, telling me you cared!"

The silence is like a vacuum, and I feel like I'm getting sucked into it as I close my eyes, laying my head on Phin's shoulder again, and imagine them down there together.

"So then, Veronica, what was this all for? Why did you put all of us through this pain?"

"I...I don't know..."

My head jostles, and I open my eyes to see Phin rising to his feet, then standing on the edge of the stairs, looking down at them.

"Phin!" I hiss. "Get down, or they'll see you."

But he just throws me this look, and I see the hurt and pain in his eyes, but before I can stand and comfort him, he takes off down the stairs, and I have to scramble to keep up.

When he gets halfway down, Mom and Dad both turn, horror on their faces at the sight of him there, and I freeze a couple of steps up.

"You don't know?" Phin whispers at Mom, and his body begins to shake. "You broke up our family, and you don't know why?"

She takes a tentative step, holding her hand out to him, and I see the fear in her face. "Phineus, sweetheart, I…"

"Do you remember how I used to cry when we left here, Mom?" Phin's voice is low and shaky. "Because I do. I remember all of it. Dad thinks I was crying that first summer because I missed you, but I was scared that you would come and take him away from me again!"

I watch Mom close her eyes at Phin's words, and she grasps her heart, and right then, I feel mine breaking into a million little pieces inside my body.

"And you tried to make us feel like all of this was normal when it wasn't. It was all just a cover for the fact that you're the worst mom there ever was!"

"Phineus!" Dad barks, and I jump, and so does Phin as we look past Mom to Dad, his eyes hard and firm. "That's enough."

"It's true! And I hate her!" Phin snaps and then turns and runs past me up the stairs, stomping once he gets to the floor, all the way down the hall to his room where he slams his door so hard it's like he makes the entire house shake.

Left with Mom and Dad, I don't know what else to do, so I follow Phin, running up the stairs as fast as I can, what's left of my heart pounding in my chest as I sprint into my room and slam my own door, quickly diving under the covers for safety. That's when I hear it. It's faint at first—a banging—and then I realize as the noises get louder that the sound is Phin, trashing his room. I hear Dad's racing footsteps outside my room just before a crashing of what was probably Phin's dresser, and I cower under the covers, hoping Dad can stop him before he gets hurt.

As fast as it starts, the sound ends, and in the silence, I hear a soft knocking on my door. It opens, and I hold my breath.

"Gracie…" Mom's voice is soft and warm, like when I'm sick, and I suddenly start crying under the covers.

The door closes, and my mattress moves behind me as Mom sits on my bed, then she lays down beside me, gently pulling the covers from my head. When I see her face, my crying turns to a sob, and she pulls the top half of me into her arms and starts rocking me like I'm a baby.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs, and her tears hit my cheeks, merging with my own. "I'm so sorry I did this to you and your brother."

"How could you not know …" I choke out the words and wipe my tears on the blanket. "Phin's right. How could you not know why you did this to our family?"

"It's not that I don't know, it's just… it's just that it's hard to explain. But I thought I was trying to save you both from what I went through."

"What? What does that even mean?" I gasp.

"It means that my mother was just pretending to be a good mother. She never really loved your Grandpa or me. I used to hear them arguing when I was growing up, but after dark, when they thought I was asleep, and then I would wake up the next morning, and they would pretend everything was fine, even though it wasn't. It was like that until, finally, my mother left us. She left us when we both needed her most. And I didn't want you and Phin to watch what I had to watch—my family completely fall apart, but slowly, drawn out for years, one argument at a time."

"That didn't have to happen to you and Dad."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But Gracie, you need to understand, we were both so young. We knew how to care for you and Phin on pure instinct and luck. But we had no clue on how to care for each other. I always wanted to do things for myself, and your dad, well, he tried, but it was hard because neither of us knew what a good, healthy family looked like."

"You could have tried harder."

"We did try. And we failed. Or maybe I just failed. Considering your brother and father are currently locked in another room, sharing their mutual disdain for me, I'm thinking I'm definitely the one who failed."

"Dad doesn't hate you, Mom. I know. When he told me he loves you, I knew that it was true."

"And what about my son? Does he hate me?"

I can't help but cringe. "Maybe a bit, but I think it may be a normal amount and won't last forever."

"Great. Thanks." Mom lets out a little snort of laughter and wipes her eyes. "And what about you? Do you hate me?"

I give her arm a tug, and she cuddles around me, trapping me under the covers. She's shed her coat somewhere, and I can feel her shiver against me as she holds me close.

"I don't hate you, Mom. Not really. But I'm kinda still really, really mad too."

She kisses my head, and lays her head back down beside me on my pillow and sighs. "I can work with mad . Hate is a little more complicated. Hate gets in your soul."

For a minute or two, we lay there in silence, snuggled close together and the warmth from her body, and the sound of her breathing next to me is soothing. But there's still something tickling inside my brain—something I need to ask.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Gracie?"

"Why did you kiss Dad?"

Her breath hiccups, and she wriggles on the other side of me like I asked the one question she didn't want to answer tonight.

"Because I forgot to keep my distance tonight. There's something about when your Dad and I are together and just...ourselves...I can't explain it. It's like this invisible pull, and when I'm around him, I just lose all rational control."

"In a bad way?"

"No. In a good way. In a warm and tender, and loving way. In a way that brought about you and Phineus. In a way that keeps me still in love with him, even after all this time."

And just like that, some of the little shattered pieces of my heart begin to come back together, and I start to feel a little more whole.

"But no more questions, Gracie. You should go back to sleep. I'm so sorry that you had to wake up to this mess."

I can't help but yawn, and I close my eyes, thinking about Phin and Dad in the other room. I want to say something to comfort Mom, but I know that Phin will be upset for a while, and my stomach turns and churns just thinking about the pain my brother is in.

"Will you stay?" I ask quietly.

"If you need me to, I will," she whispers.

"I need you to."

"Then, I'll stay." She kisses my head one more time and sighs. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Mom."

I suck in a sharp breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm my stomach. It's all so much. So very, very much to think about now. My mind is racing, but I'm exhausted as well. Maybe, if I sleep, when I wake up, tomorrow will be better.