Though I was sure I liked America, I had to be fair with others as well. Give them a chance to prove themselves.
So started the second round of dating with other girls.
Over the first week, I dated everyone once again.
Kissed a few. Liked a few.
I took Kriss to the first floor, showing her the history of Illéa. She took in hungrily, noting my every word. But even when I tried, I couldn't come up to kiss her. She didn't like me. And I felt cheating America, though we never talked about how she felt about me dating her when she announced she could find it in herself to like me.
Tuesday was a whole another case. I'd taken her to horse riding, and she took every opportunity to get near me. I had to get away from her tempting ways before my body disobeyed me. The small kiss I gave her on cheek wasn't enough for her. And the same went for Bariel and Lucy.
I took each of them in every possible location, but not America.
I needed to distance myself from her for the time being. Already I was comparing every girl with her. Every habit of them with hers. I needed a clear mind to make the right decision, and being near her never helped. I was always spellbound with her.
So I didn't make our secret communication, didn't approach her, and for the while, didn't think about her. No matter how tempting it was. Like: during our meals; when I was on second floor walking with someone; when it was night and I thought about going for a walk in the garden.; when I simply thought about knocking on her door.
True to my word to father, I made attempts to get close to Elise, as well as the ones who were important to father.
For Elise, I gave her two combs as a gift, in shape of wings, studded with pearls and diamonds. For Samantha, father's way of getting closer to Germans, I gifted her a watch imported all over from Swendway, for Clarissa, who had contacts in Britain, I had asked for a necklace made of rubies. A necklace of ruby was delivered to Elayna, related to the Spanish royal family, and a bracelet of diamonds to Camille, who was basically a good friend of princess Nicolette of Italy.
They all were easy to persuade. And more easy to compare to my efforts with America.
Though I had my first kiss, I tried not to compare it like I did with everything else.
It was special in it's own way.
Even when I kissed a few girls: Olivia on the roof, Jenna in the stables, Amy in the home-theatre, Marlee while playing cards...
They weren't special.
With America, every moment was intimate. It wasn't built, it just happened.
Not with others. I had to, actually, pull them to me and kissed them so suddenly, I thought if I, too, acted that way around America during our first kiss. Our secret. I blushed almost everytime, but they all didn't mind it and kissed me more. So I let all thoughts disappear and just concentrated on the moment.
And looked for the one who I was most compatible with.
But everything came for a pause when the palace was full with guests: My maternal family—aunt Adele and her children, along with Edward, her husband—arrived at the same time as the Swendway royals, our distant relatives.
Queen Sâoirsé and the Prince Consort of Swendway, Arés, came on Saturday with their children—Isaac, Ella and Frida. And so did aunt Adele with uncle Edward, and their six children: Yennifer, Shannan, Dannis, Rue, Dahlia and Chris.
The whole palace was changed. Meals were turned to barbecues, tents were arranged in the gardens with a small platform for the throne like seats on them—for both the royal families. The Selected ate with the royal children.
It didn't go out of my notice that father was still looking at the Selected to see how they fared in appearances.
But I let it go for the moment and tried to enjoy my time with my extended family.
It had been so long since I'd seen all of them. The last had been my birthday...the day I turned eligible to be announced as the future king. The celebrations had been short, and so was their stay.
This didn't seem the case this time, though.
"Here is my handsome, young man." Chirped a lady in a loud, girly voice, in a thick Southern accent.
I grinned and embraced aunt Adele tightly. "And here's my favourite girl."
She laughed. "Tell me everything!" She gushed, waving at my Mom to come here. "I want to know each and every detail!"
"Aw. Come on! Not you, too. Your sister's been bugging me ever since the starting!"
"Don't you dare change sides, young man!" Mom scolded as she embraced aunt from behind. "And you! What took you so long?"
"Stop it! I'll talk to you later, handsome. First I've got to scold the queen!"
I left them there to their sister talks and welcomed my cousins. Ella and Shannon were very beautiful ladies, talking animatedly with Frida, whereas Dannis was busy with the few friends he made with the guards, also flirting with the girls. The three children, Rue, Dahlia and Chris—the triplets—were already running around. Yennifer was no where to be seen, but I knew that of her. She was a very shy girl.
What surprised me was her closeness to Isaac.
And if I was correct in reading Isaac, he'd formed a liking toward my baby sister.
The prince of Swendway was already looking for a partner. Without any drama I was going through.
And I was jealous. Happy for him—Ella was a marvellous girl—but jealous. Why couldn't I have that? Why didn't I have the opportunity to fall in love with someone who wasn't part of all the ridiculousness. Why was I soared from the feeling of finding and fighting for your love, the heartbreaks and the welcoming.
The fate seemed cruel to me. Even if it was giving me a chance to find someone, it was being played with my father.
Someone tugged at my coat. I looked around to see Chris, who now reached my waist, run around laughing, waiting for me to chase her. Giving away the prince persona, I chased him and instead grabbed the girls' and twirled. Their squeals made me laugh. They both yelled "again" together. And I complied.
Twice I found father shaking his head at me in disappointment, clearly annoyed I wasn't hosting properly, but I didn't let that offend me. For today I was just Maxon meeting and talking and playing with my cousins and extended family. I'll play the role of prince tomorrow. Not today.
As I'd asked Justin, he appeared with a camera from my personal collection and I started taking photos of the whole event, all people. Of the triplets, my sisters, my brothers, the whole setting...
This was an activity I liked.
Some of the Selected started posing for me and I clicked their pictures as well.
"Won't I get to pose?" The queen of Swendway, aunt Sâoirsé, asked in her thick Swendish accent.
I kissed her on the cheek. "The main celebrity comes at the last." I murmured with a wink.
"Oh, you sweet little mouth!" I grinned and she patted my shoulder. "You've grown in such a sweet man, Maxon!"
"Thanks, aunt."
"So, tell me. Who should I know from these bunch of girls?"
"Everybody is great!"
She laughed. "You're too cute. Tell me some juicy things. I didn't just come here for all the business purpose!"
Hmm. I looked around for the best option—one who could handle herself talking to a queen.
And that was when I realised this was what father was pointing at when he said I'll have to prove myself to make good impressions. Not just as a prince, but as a future king as well.
I found Marlee standing near a shade, but not in it. She was poised, but when excited, her enthusiasm...Then there was America...but no. She was still my secret. And she had quite a temper and a big mouth. She might offend the queen when something about castes came up. I saw Tiny, but true to her name, I couldn't choose her. Elayna and Lucy were walking together, but they seemed trouble at the moment, especially when they were giggling like teenagers.
I found Celeste sipping her wine, talking to Dannis. I caught Rue and asked her to tell Celeste—"look at the lady with that white dress?" and she'd replied with awe, "the most beautiful dress!" which made aunt Sâoirsé giggle—to come and meet the queen.
Celeste's grin was pure pride. And victorious.
But she was so well with the queen, I stepped around feeling a little okay. Celeste will handle the situation.
She just does it. Even if she wants the crown, the fame, and her methods were no more than pure cruelty, she held herself tall and proud, never showing any emotion. Either she was a very good actress or a very good model—or she really just knew how to handle each situation.
Aunt and Celeste engaged themselves in a striking conversation. She asked her about her career and Celeste answered every question with pride. In return Celeste asked her a few questions and the queen was as fair as ever.
I left them alone for a while and found my second favourite person sipping wine. "Smile!" I warned and clicked a photo of aunt Adele. She was shocked for a second, then posed for me.
"So, this Celeste person? She's a Two?"
"Yes."
"And you like her enough to leave her with the Swendish queen? Your father is going to roll himself over!" She chuckled at the image that formed in her mind and I followed suit. Oh, yes. Father will be quite willing to learn how bad was Celeste.
"No." I corrected her though. "She's a model and knows how to handle these circumstances. She's a natural. Sorry to interrupt your imagination."
"Ah! I'll find another one. Don't worry." she gave me a flute of champagne. "So, you like this Celeste girl?"
"Dad thinks it's a great match. But I really think if we ended together, we'll ruin the kingdom just for our pride."
That was a truth I learned with my time with Celeste. She was proud. Of everything she does. Never afraid of consequences. Even if she's wrong, she won't go without a fight. In a way she was a mirror image of me. The one which I wanted to be.
Aunt laughed and tossed to that. "And who do you like?"
"I'm still trying not to come to answers. I want to be completely sure before I make such a decision." I answered her hopefully. And my mind started running.
Aunt caught the look and walked with me to the edge of the garden. "What are you thinking?"
I didn't reply but she caught in, however, looking at Yennifer and Isaac walking together in the garden.
"Even when we're One" she said the word with almost disgust, "I still can't get used to the idea of my baby with a prince. Not when I can see your Mom as a queen."
"Yennifer will be a good princess." I mumbled, catching her laughing hoarsely at whatever Isaac said in her ear.
"I don't think you're happy with the whole thing."
"Why would I be unhappy for Yenni—"
"I meant the Selection, honey."
"Oh!" In a way, my aunt was the reflection as well as a mirror image of my queen. But then, too, she can read me like an open book.
I couldn't think of hiding anything from her.
"You fell in love with uncle." I said, placing my all doubts in front of her. "Mom did with Dad. How would I know if I've fallen in love, too?" I never dared ask this question to Mom. She's too optimistic to answer this correctly. But aunt on the other hand...
"I can understand your hesitation, Max. Trust me, I can. That was why I was against the whole idea. But what could I do? As of your question, you'll just know when you look at her."
"It's just this feeling, Maxon, when she's around, everything is right. If she's upset, your whole world is upside down. She's the rain in the summer. The warm breeze in a cold night. Your happy place. Your comfort zone. The one you think about when you are in your bed, waiting for sleep to come. The one you think about first in the morning. Her tears break your heart and her one smile makes you forget all your pain."
"She'll make you happy. Not just smile or anything else, but really happy. When you're with her, everything else stops to matter. You're there with her, nothing else. Even your father. He may be a little too rude, but when he's with your Mom, he ceases to be a king. He's just Clarkson. And she's just Amberly. No titles. The same would go with you. With the one you love, you wouldn't be a prince or any title. You'll be you."
"You may never know when you fell in love, honey, but once you see her, you won't see anybody else."
"How much drink you had?" I teased, bumping her with my shoulder.
"Just a dozen." She snorted. "I can't believe I said so trashy things!"
"Don't worry. I'm used to." I joked. She laughed with a like in my ribs.
Dahlia came and tugged on my coat. When I looked at her, she smiled, her side tooth missing. "You didn't take my photo!"
I scooped her up as I laughed and kissed her tiny head. "I was just telling mom that Dahlia looks like a princess."
"Really!" She squealed. "Does that mean I can wear a crown, too?"
I heard aunt shout, "Only if you agree to eat the spinach!"
She pouted, and I have her a quick peck on her lips. "Don't worry, darling. I'll eat your spinach when Mom isn't looking around."
"Yeah. I promise I'll do anything, Max. I'll even marry you!"
I almost howled at her innocence.
"You're so good with kids." Kriss said, who was sitting by the side bench, watching me.
I ruffled Dahlia's hair as I put her down on a chair. "They're so cute you can't be not good. You'll fall from the chair, Dahlia! I've seen them after a long time."
"I am seven now!" Dahlia said proudly to Kriss, who chuckled at her enthusiasm and ruffled her hair, saying, "You're such a young lady, princess." which made Dahlia giggle.
It was no wonder she spend the rest of the day trailing Kriss.
I clicked a few photos of them together, as well.
And then of some others.
When I saw the only girl whose photo I didn't click, I approached her and said, "Smile", capturing a very surprised photo of America. She bounced back, clearly unamused and irritated. And turned away, wearing a big scowl.
"Something wrong?" she shrugged, not turning back. "What's going on?"
"I just don't feel like being a part of the Selection today." Nothing else.
Why?
What happened?
Stepping a little closer to her, I asked in a lowered voice, "Need someone to talk to? I could tug my ear right now."
She sighed, still irritated. Even the smile she wore was offhand. "No, I just need to think."
About what? Us? The Selection?
"America?" She finally stopped. "Have I done something?"
I could see it clearly on her face. She had so many questions for me. So many doubts.
"Prince Maxon?" Someone called. Turning, I saw Celeste still talking with aunt Sâoirsé.
"Why don't you run along?" America commented annoyingly.
So this was it! She was irritated because I haven't spent time with her. But didn't she know better. I gave her a look which said you should know better. After all, she said she could like me. But I wasn't going to waste my one shot based on my friendship or having a little crush on someone.
But she didn't say anything. Just warned, "Careful with that one." And walked away after giving a deep curtsy.
Oh, right! Our deal!
Well. She wasn't the only one who could get annoyed.
I didn't call after her. I left her be and went to Celeste, who was discussing the latest Miss Swendway event and wanted to discuss how we'd come and what she did and how the two events were almost similar.
And because I was angry with America for behaving like shitty and all judgemental, I even kissed Celeste taking her aside, ignoring America's advice. Celeste in turn took full advantage of our situation. She pressed me to the side wall, away from others' sight but still near that one may come and catch us, and we kissed like two teenagers.
In the back of my mind, I still saw America's hurt expression, which became s complete kill-joy and we both went in the garden again. But not soon enough. Dahlia saw me and asked me so many questions I blushed.
When it was near evening, I waved my hand, surrendering, and gave up in the game we cousins were playing.
That was when I saw America standing on the edge of our makeshift ring, looking at me with so many emotions. I forgot everything else but my friend at that moment. With whom I was supposed to be angry. Giving the ring to Chris, I tugged my ear looking at America. And was relieved when she did the same.
.
.
.
"So?" I asked her later, when we both left the reception after dinner and went inside to talk. "What made you upset about being in the Selection?"
She was silent for a moment as we walked up the stairs. "Walking in heels never gets easy." She muttered, adjusting her gown after climbing two floors. "Do you think your aunt would ever embarrass you? Considering you are...well, you," she muttered, raking me up and down with a stare so piercing. "and your aunt was a Four before."
"You're forgiving my Mom was also a Four before." Or something like that! "And as of embarrassment, I'm sure I'm the one who embarrasses my aunt." I chuckled once. "She is always so open and alive and lively...and she hates that I'm so reserved. Mind you, she was opposed of the whole Selection. She said I should have a normal life, a normal way to choose a life partner. Not some extremes ways!"
"What do you think?"
"I think she's right. But I can't say my father's wrong, either. I'm not just some boy, America. As you said, I'm me. A prince. I can't expect others to treat me normally every time—though sometimes I prefer that way."
She snickered. "What a fun!"
"Yeah. Sometimes it feels like I can't breathe, other times I think I can do so much better." I sighed. It was so easy for Mom to be both a queen and my mother. "I guess the whole crux is I can't be both, myself and the prince, together. Sometimes, with you all, I act like myself and it overwhelms me because I can't let myself be vulnerable. But then there are times I act like a prince I was brought up to be and I can't act as I want to because of my persona. So many eyes, so many ears!"
"I get that. I've seen you that way. Like when you announced your news and detached yourself from others or when you are with us."
"At least I have one who gets me!" At her smile, something that was knotting in my heart twisted a little loose. "You didn't answer me though. What happened today? You were so distant."
"I just... Adele seems lovely but I saw her looking at the queen with longing because she couldn't just be with her. And there were some who said that was because she refuses to learn royal manners..."
"Oh, that!" I scoffed. "It's no secret, America. My aunt refused to change herself. She said she was a Four and she'll always be one; no matter if her sister's a queen. And that's why I love her: She is herself."
"I've seen many people who just change when they get fame. But not the Station's. They never change. My Mom still does her work even when she's a queen. Even my cousins. They still live like one. They even run their own farm."
"You wouldn't care...if say, Marlee wins and her family still behaves like Four?"
"Why would I?"
"Nothing. I was just curious."
We were silent then, walking in the hallway lit by the moon. When we turned the corner to her room, her maids giggled seeing us and not so subtly left us alone in her room before I could greet them.
We again went in her balcony, looking at the decorated gardens, the palace lit in an unexceptional way. The guards, along with Swendish guards, changing rotations and laughing. The music from the party going downstairs still on. I saw Celeste dancing with the Isaac, Elise dancing with another of the Swendish guests. The other girls were dancing with guards. Yennifer standing in the corner and Isaac approaching her leaving Celeste alone, who was approached by a guard dancing with Marlee.
All the dancing figures, the music, the freshness...It all had been missing since a while.
"So...what was earlier today for?" She blushed slightly, not looking at me. "America?"
"Nothing. I just recalled our deal and thought about warning you."
"And before that?" I urged, moving closer.
We were standing so close, I could see those almost non-existent freckles of her again.
She looked up and blushed again, seeing how close we were.
She put a hand on my mouth when I leaned forward. "Don't."
I kissed her palm. "What don't?"
"I like you, too, Maxon." She whispered, taking her hand away from my mouth. "But until I figure everything out...I don't know. I still love him, and I like you, too...but I just can't decide. Yet." She cupped my cheek. "Please. Give me some time. I just...want to be sure. About...about us. About you. Please."
I stepped back a little. "Fine." I could give that, no matter if I didn't like it. "But that doesn't mean you don't have anyone to talk to. We're still friends. Right?" I hated the sense of insecurity I felt.
She gave me a tentative smile.
And suddenly I realised why Mom told me to not lose the balance between my two sides.
I'd allowed myself to become vulnerable, open my heart, in front of her. With nothing but a hope that there could be a us. I'd thought that was because I just liked her. But being with others made me realise I didn't just like her. It was more than that. She was breaking that hope now. The part of my heart that I'd already given to her. It was left broken.
Didn't she hear it?
"I think...Maybe I should leave now. They might be expecting me..." What more can I say? "I guess I'll see you later?"
Before she could answer I went out. Leaving the small pieces of my heart—the pieces which I stubbornly refused to have given anyone else—with her.