Chapter 30.

Even when Jules had left the room to get lunch, Cas had stayed there. In that room, he felt safe. He felt loved. When she had returned, they had cuddled up on the bed again and that had been as close as he could come to peace.

The farm was starting to look so good to him. They could be a family there, Jules, Jack, Sarah and him and with his family around him, he could live without Dean.

Only, he couldn't. The sense of Dean's absence had been torture when they had no idea where he was. When Dean was physically right in the same building, but mentally shut off, emotionally unavailable, it hurt more. He told himself it was all Michael's doing, but that only meant he had no right to be angry with Dean. It didn't lessen his pain.

The worst part was that Dean was trying and he wasn't. He was letting Dean down, failing him when he most needed a friend. Dean had been angry with him before, justly and unjustly, but mostly with good reason. It had never hurt like this and this was not Dean's choice.

Dean still loved him. Dean was still fighting. It was some other Dean that was using his voice to snarl and sneer, his eyes to shoot those looks of hate and fear. It was a fake Dean and behind its mask was his true friend.

He should have been fighting for that friend, but he was afraid and he was taking refuge in the arms of someone else who had good reason to hate angels, but who saw him as an exception.

It was well into the afternoon when Sam knocked on the door. "Cas," he said, "I need to talk to you."

Reluctantly, Cas kissed Jules and got off the bed. He put on his coat and begun to tie his tie. He was still fiddling with it as he opened the door and he saw a question in Sam's eyebrows when he noticed the tie.

"What is it?" he said.

"Something happened between Dean and Jack." said Sam.

"He hurt Jack?" said Cas.

"No. I don't think so. Jack won't tell me and Dean won't acknowledge that anything happened at all ... "

Cas was already out of the room and walking.

"Cas! Wait!" said Sam.

Cas stopped. Jules came out of the bedroom. She hurried to Cas and took his arm. "Jack's fine. Let's go someplace we can discuss this calmly."

"I can't be calm." said Cas, "He can do what he likes to me, but Jack's done nothing."

"You've done nothing." said Sam, "Let's go to the archives."

Soon, they were sitting around one of the small tables in the archive. Sam said, "I think what happened was just verbal."

"Words hurt." said Cas, "They especially hurt Jack."

"And if he hurt Jack, he hurt himself, too." said Sam.

"Good." said Cas.

"You don't mean that." said Sam.

Cas considered it for a moment. It had felt like he did. He didn't. He just wanted the pain to stop for all of them and he blamed himself for leaving Jack vulnerable when he could have stayed with him. "No." he said. He took out his phone and called Jack.

"Hello, Castiel!" said Jack.

"What happened with Dean?" said Cas.

"Nothing." said Jack.

"You're lying." said Cas.

"I think he feels he has to." said Sam, "Get him down here."

"We're in 7C." said Cas, "Come and join us."

"Is Dean there?" said Jack.

"No. Why would that be an issue?"

"I just wanted to know." Jack ended the call.

Cas glared at the phone.

Jules said quietly, "Cas, you need to be rational."

"I am rational." said Cas, "I am an angel. Pure reason."

"You're a protective dad, angry that someone hurt his son."

"Michael hurt Jack." said Cas, wishing it wasn't Dean's face he was imagining punching.

They waited in silence until Jack came into the room. He sat opposite Sam, who said, "Jack, we get that you can't talk about what upset you ... "

"We do?" said Cas. A look from Sam had him amending that to, "We do."

"But we need to know if you and Dean are currently on good terms."

"We are." said Jack, "It was heat of the moment stuff. I'm fine. We're fine. I just want to forget the whole thing."

"Good." said Sam, "I suggested we should go out to some quiet place tonight and have a campfire. Would you like to come along?"

"Yes!" said Jack.

"Cas?"

"No." said Cas, "Dean won't want me there."

"Dean does want you there." said Sam. He showed him a text on his phone, "Cas too." it said.

"It's a bad idea. He could bolt."

"He could bolt? Dean?" said Sam.

"It's a possibility." said Jules.

"Or he could lose his temper, attack me or Jack." said Cas.

"He's in control." said Jack, "He could have attacked me and he didn't."

"Was he tempted to?" said Cas.

"We all know Dean is suffering some issues." said Sam, "This bunker isn't helping. This is where he said yes to Michael. There are all kinds of complex triggers here and we can't predict when one will get to him."

"And you think taking him out with the two biggest triggers will help?"

"Here, he's constantly reminded of everything, including the angelic nature of you two. Out there, it'll be just four guys, a fire, some snacks. It's simple, basic. When we were kids, Dean loved to sit and stare into a fire. Sometimes it helped him to focus on fire."

Cas remembered the cabin and Dean, drinking too much and trying to face the horrors of Hell. Staring into the fire had helped him then, but the memories and emotions unleashed had been raw, primal and painful.

"I'm not at all sure it's a good idea." said Cas, "Jack says he's in control, but he's not. He could lose control completely."

"Probably best if we have you around, then." said Sam.

"Me? I can't put him to sleep without overpowering him and given that his whole problem is angelic control, that might not be the best way to ease his trust issues."

Sam spent a long time in apparent contemplation of the table top, then he said, "Cas, I know what I'm asking."

"I don't think you do."

"And I don't want to ask it. I don't want to ask anything of you after all you've done for us, but this could help you too. I know you want this rift with Dean to be healed."

"What if it can't be?" said Cas, sounding weak and pathetic even to himself.

"Then, I guess, Michael wins and Dean, as we knew him, is dead." said Sam, "But Dean is strong and your friendship is strong and I believe in both of you."

"If he goes," said Jules, "You have to promise me he can leave at any time and come home."

"You make me sound like an anxious child at a sleepover." said Cas.

"Or a wounded angel who could die of a broken heart. I nearly lost you last time. I am not letting you be put at risk like that again."

"At any time, I will bring him home myself." said Sam.

"Leaving Jack with Dean?" said Cas.

"I'm not scared of Dean." said Jack.

"I am." said Cas.

"Then you should be there." said Jack.

"What if it makes things worse?" said Cas.

"How could things get any worse?" said Sam.

"Things can always get worse. We have daily proof of that." said Cas.