Edd had been expecting someone severe and serious with a tight bun and a dour face in a shaft minimalist office but when he sat down he was greeted by a round friendly woman with an upturned nose in a warm comfortable room. It was like he walked into a tiny library.
"Hello. Eddward was it? I'm Margo. What brings you in today?" She asked.
"Oh… uh… hello. I'm..." Edd started but paused, not sure how to answer. "I'm… s-sorry." He said, already tearing up.
"It's alright honey. Here." She handed him the box of tissues but he declined and took out his handkerchief. He realized he hadn't washed it and dropped it back in his lap, accepting a tissue.
"I'm admittedly a little scared of…" he trailed off and waved his hand to signal 'all of this' and blew his nose.
"And why is that?" Margot had the same kind of soft open demeanor Kevin got when he asked probing questions and Edd instantly relaxed. Her round hazel eyes had even reminded him of Kevin.
"I had a psychologist as a child. He was arrested for malpractice because of his use of unsubstantiated medical practices on minors. It was... traumatic to say the least."
"If this is so triggering for you, why did you set an appointment?"
"Um. Well, my boyfriend has been talking about how helpful it was for him and… I Uh… I recently…" he trailed off. She seemed nice but it was still hard to talk about to a stranger.
"If that's too difficult, how about you tell me about your boyfriend."
"Oh." Edd's eyes shined with excitement. "He's… perfect. We only started dating very recently but he's helped me so much. I don't think I've ever been so happy. I was so used to being alone all the time and now I couldn't imagine what it was like, feeling that lonely."
"Why were you so lonely?"
"Ah. Well. I've lived alone for the last four years. My best friend was sent to military school and my only other friend stopped talking to me almost two years ago. I hadn't really… made any friends since then. We all had a pretty bad reputation because of Eddy and because of that I was mostly ignored."
"And Eddy was the friend that went to military school?"
"No. That was Ed. Eddy was the one who decided he'd rather not be friends after I came out as gay to him."
"That must have been rough. I'm sorry. So all of you were named Edward though?" She seemed incredulous and that disarmed Edd that it forced a chortle out of him.
"Yes. We all grew up on the same street too. My nickname was, is, Double D because of it."
"Well then how did you meet your boyfriend?"
"We actually grew up together. He also lives in the same cul-de-sac. We've been going to school together since elementary. Honestly me and the Eds were sort of the outcast kids. Eddy liked to run scams to try and pilfer money from the other kids. Kevin, my boyfriend, used to, for the most part, try to stop us. He hated Eddy. Not that Eddy was much better."
"So if there was so much animosity how did you guys start dating?"
"Ah… well. That's sort of… why I'm here."
She waited and didn't interrupt while he tried to get the words together.
"I may have been… harming myself." He didn't quite want to say he'd been trying to kill himself. He could probably still be sent on suicide watch and he wasn't willing to be that upfront right away.
She was still quiet, waiting for him to continue.
"He caught me… it wasn't my finest moment. But he cleaned up my… my blood and took care of me. He's spent the last week at my house making sure I don't hurt myself again. His friends have been very kind to me and I've even made a few of my own. He's given me a lot of confidence to branch out. The day we started dating was because I set this appointment. He's been… he's amazing. I really love him." His cheeks bloomed pink but he smiled into his lap, messing with his handkerchief, before he remembered again what he last cleaned with it and shoved it back in his pocket. He saw hand sanitizer on the desk and pumped some into his hand.
"Congratulations. I'm very happy you've decided to start healing. Can you tell me why you harm yourself?"
"I was just so lonely. It took away that sting of knowing every day I'd come home to an empty house, day in and day out."
"And your parents? Why aren't you living with them?"
My father is in Thailand for work. My mother… I'm not entirely sure where she lives. It's not far but I haven't seen her since last year when she came to get her bed."
"Why did she move out?"
"She went to live with her new boyfriend." His eyes went glossy and his voice monotone.
"I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be left alone like that while you still needed someone."
"That's what Kevin said." He rubbed his eyes and then the side of his neck and winced.
"Are you okay?" She asked seriously.
"Yes. I Ah… may have a hickey that's a bit tender." He blushed.
She calmed at that. "So you and your boyfriend are sexually active? You don't feel coerced, scared, or anything like that?"
"No! No. I'm… I really like it, him. Being intimate." He bit his lip. If there was some place to gush it was therapy. "He's very good at making sure I'm happy. If anything I feel like I'm the pushy one when it comes to sex. He still feels terrible about the hickey despite how much I've told him I like it."
She smiled at his admission. "So what do you think you want from therapy, Eddward?"
"I… I want to not think about hurting myself anymore I guess. Kevin shouldn't have to give up his life because I can't be trusted being left alone. Maybe stop having nightmares… Kevin had also wanted me to mention when I go… out of body."
"What do you mean by that?" She scribbled something in her notepad and it made him nervous.
"Sometimes if I see a mess I just stop thinking. All I can think about is cleaning it. Sometimes I'll spend hours scrubbing the carpet or cleaning the bathtub and come to with chemical burns. It doesn't happen as often as it did when I was a child but it does still happen. Especially with bodily fluids. Blood and vomit principly."
"That sounds serious. And seeing a mess causes it? Do you think you know why it happens?"
"When I was a child I was in a major car accident. Blood is the only thing I can remember from it though. Well the only thing I think is real from what I remember. The psychologist had used hypnotherapy to make me relive it every session. I think it might have something to do with that."
"And do you have other obsessively clean habits?"
"Ah… well yes. I like to be organized but… I do find that sometimes it's overbearing how much I feel the need to keep things as clean as I can. It's like pin pricks in my brain if I leave a mess uncleaned. When I'd originally started self harming it was because the pain would often override my panic at things being disorderly. That method didn't last long though. Seeing blood would send me spiraling into flashbacks and I'd wake up the next day with my hands chapped and burned from washing them with bleach."
"That sounds severe. Have you ever gotten a diagnosis from anyone for that?"
"I was diagnosed with PTSD by that psychologist but I don't put much stock into that." He said bitterly.
"Well I think PTSD might be fitting, but not necessarily from the accident. Have you considered that what that doctor did might be the cause for your fear? It seems like cleaning was something you could control, and I'd wager a guess and say that adults praised you for it so it became an obsessive habit."
"I… yeah. That's… maybe too accurate for the little information I gave you." Edd blinked.
Her moon shaped face had a sad smile. "You'd be surprised how many young people come in with PTSD and OCD because of emotional trauma stemming from lack of control. For some it's life changing accidents. For others it's abuse. But the common denominator in them all is that the adults around them facilitated their compulsions because they seemed like they were 'good' compulsions until they weren't anymore."
"Oh... And the… trances?"
"I'd wager a guess to say PTSD induced dissociation, of course I'm not going to say anything definitively in our first session. I'm going to let you look into the symptoms and you can mull over if it sounds right to you and we can discuss it in our next session- if there is one. After all, you're the one living it."
"Oh… are there any websites or books you recommend?" He asked. He wasn't expecting to be talked to so frankly but also given so much freedom. He sort of expected to come in, be told what was wrong with him, and leave feeling terrible. Leaving with homework though made him feel much calmer, he had a say.
"I'll give you a print out at the end of the session. It will have addresses to relevant websites and some information of its own."
Edd nodded. He felt lighter knowing something was in his hands. "Uh… I have another question… but if it's… not appropriate let me know."
Margot smiled. "Nothing is too personal here."
"With my recent… sex life. I've found that I… possibly enjoy pain more than what is commonly accepted," He played with the hem of his shirt, "and find that I enjoy being held down, my control being taken away, that kind of thing. Is that… do you think that might have anything to do with my trauma."
"Maybe." She said. "Does it worry you?"
"I don't know. I really enjoy it and I sometimes reach this really blissful happy place that makes all of my worries and fears just… vanish. But to get there I feel like I have to be overstimulated and to do that pain is… something that works well. Is that… am I broken?" He'd been burying his fear but he wanted to unpack it and uncritically examine it but couldn't. There was too much emotion wrapped around it. Did it feeling good negate the fact he was still asking to be hurt? Was it the same as when he self-harmed? It didn't seem the same but again was his pleasure overriding his logic brain?
"You're not broken. You just work a little differently. Often people in situations like yours turn to bondage to take their minds off their mental pain and replace it with a more physical pain, which is easier to deal with. It also helps that it releases a lot of pleasant chemicals like endorphins and dopamine. It's not wrong to like it. So long as you do it safely."
"So… wanting to be hurt isn't the same thing as self harm?"
"Well it may not be ideal in your situation, but having someone else administering the pain is much safer. They can monitor you and make sure you aren't being pushed too far. Has your partner done this sort of thing before? Been a dominant?"
Edd shook his head. "We're sort of learning this together. He's reluctant to hurt me and he's… well he's truly wonderful. He'll hold me down when I ask but otherwise he's very gentle."
He blushed at his own phrasing. "I sound like a middling romance novel."
Margot chuckled. "No, I think that's good for you. You don't know how many people, especially young people, come in abused and forced into sexual situations they don't know how to say no to. It's nice to see that you're so in love and confident that your partner wants what's best for you."
Edd smiled shyly. "I really got lucky."
"So what about your other friends, the new ones you mentioned."
"Well recently I've started talking to Marta and Tray. They're hilarious. I've never met two people who could be so sharp. My previous friend, Eddy, could be quick witted with an insult but he was never funny like them and I like that we can playfully tease each other. And there's Nazz, Kevin's best friend. She's… I don't even know. She's nosy but well meaning. I'm still getting used to her even though we grew up together. Mic, who's surprisingly intelligent. I'm used to the kind of guy he is resting on his laurels, but he actually tries hard in school. And we'll, there's Ed."
Margot was frantically scribbling down their names as fast as she could. "Ed was the one that went to military school?"
He realized what she was writing was notes so she wouldn't have to ask him to repeat himself and felt much calmer about the scratchy sound of pen to paper.
"Yes. He's always been my best friend despite our myriad differences." He said with soft eyes. "He didn't do anything wrong to get sent off like he was. He just followed along with Eddy's dumb scheme and got into trouble. He didn't even know what he'd done wrong. He wrote me a letter just the other day. He wasn't allowed to until recently because there was a misunderstanding that I was still in contact with Eddy." He gripped the arms of the plush chair he was sitting in. "He has a learning disability and Eddy was using his inability to understand he was being used to sneak marijuana into school and distribute said drugs."
"Have you ever done any drugs, smoked cigarettes, anything like that?" She asked. He figured it was something she had to ask but it felt a little jarring to jump from one topic to another. It was as smooth a transition that she could probably find though.
"Lord no." He said with a disgusted face. "I hate the smell of marijuana and cigarettes and I was put on many unpleasant medications as a child. I'm not interested in that sort of thing."
"So then, are you opposed to the idea of being put on medication?"
"I…" he swallowed. His biggest fear was that he might be forced to take medication if he came. "Currently. Yes I'm opposed."
She nodded. "All right. Good to know. Can you tell me your history with medication? What you've been on and how it affected you, if you remember?"
"I was put on Prozac, Wellbutrin and Klonopin."
"Milligrams?" She asked, writing it down.
"Prozac 80, Wellbutrin 150, and klonopin 1.5." He recited. He wouldn't forget it despite being so young when he'd been prescribed.
"And what age were you?" She asked, her eyebrows were furrowed.
"4." He said.
She dropped her pen. "My word! You were on adult dosages at that age? How long did you take them?" Worry was written clear on her face.
"About 2 years, until I had to go to the hospital. They had to detox me because my kidneys started to fail. My mother continued to occasionally give me half a Prozac when I would have panic attacks though, despite the hospital's warnings."
Margot placed her hand on her head like she was fighting back a headache.
"I'm so sorry that someone in my profession would be so... careless- so reckless. Let me stop before I say something I shouldn't in front of you." She sighed and chugged a water bottle. She took a second more to be upset and took a deep breath. "I definitely will not be recommending seeking medication unless something comes up and I feel you would need it. I would have likely recommended a mood stabilizer but with your history I think it would do more harm than good."
"Thank you." Edd sighed in relief. "I appreciate that. This isn't what I thought therapy would be like at all. Your transparency has been… reassuring to say the least."
"Approaches must be tailor fit to the person. I can tell that you're a well educated young man and that you value honesty and to be given space. Some people need to just be told what they need to fix and others need some of both." She put her notepad down.
The rest of the session was spent talking about his friendships, his past with Ed and Eddy, what his plans for the future were. It felt less like he was being monitored and more like a conversation. It was pleasant and by the end he was surprised at how fast it went by and how light he felt after.
"Well that's our time. How about I see you back here next week? Same time?
"Yes, that sounds perfect. Thank you." He let the way he came, she handed him a print out that he folded and put in his pocket and set the next appointment in the computer. When Edd came out Kevin was sitting in the waiting room.
"Hey, babe." He stood up and looked at how calm Edd seemed. "Good?" He asked with obvious glee.
"Yes. Great." He said, grabbing Kevin's hand with a smile. "Shall we?" He asked motioning to the door.
Kevin squeezed his hand back and when they'd gotten back to the car Edd leaned up to kiss his boyfriend. "Thank you. You were right."
Kevin cornered him against the car. "Have I been wrong yet?" He chuckled.
"Mmm no. Not yet." He pulled him down for another kiss. His stomach rumbled, shocking both of them.
Kevin grinned. "I bought stuff to make some food. Anything sound particularly good? Keep in mind I'm the one cooking."
"Anything you make sounds perfect."
Nazz honked the car horn. Edd jumped but Kevin was used to her honking.
"Hurry it up, I wanna go hooome." She complained.
"We're having a moment!" Kevin stuck his tongue out at her.
"Save the tongue for your boyfriend!" She teased. Edd laughed and grabbed Kevin's shirt collar and pulled him into an open mouthed kiss.
"Don't mind if I do." He said when he released. He opened the car door and got in. Kevin stood shocked at his boyfriend's brazen behavior and Nazz guffawed.
"Tease." He said, getting into the backseat.
"You seem calmer." Nazz said.
"It was actually very illuminating. I have another appointment next week."
"Good for you!" She said. "How did you like the therapist?"
"She wasn't what I was expecting, which was for the best."
Kevin leaned forward in his seat to put a hand on Edd's shoulder.
"I'm so glad you got someone good."
Edd put his hand on Kevin's.
"Thank you." He said. "So you guys went grocery shopping?"
"Kevin did. I got some stuff for my hair. I've been thinking about dying it."
"Oh what color?" Edd asked politely and ran his fingers up Kevin's hand. Happy to be touching.
"I know it won't be too big a change but I was thinking orange."
"Trying to copy me? I know redheads have it good but I've heard blondes have more fun." Kevin teased.
Nazz blew a raspberry. "Not strawberry blonde or redhead red. Bright safety vest orange."
"I bet that will look good with your eyes." Edd said.
"Thank you for the support. You're a much better friend then Kevin." She joked.
"He's a much better boyfriend." Edd said, squeezing his hand.
They pulled into the driveway and said their goodbyes. Kevin put his arm around Edd and nuzzled his face. His other arm was laden with groceries. Edd had grabbed a couple of the lighter bags.
They put the groceries away together and the second the last box was put away Edd was the one cornering Kevin. He backed him into the corner counter.
"Might want a snack before the meal."
Kevin gave him a toothy smile. "That was almost as cheesy as I usually am."
Edd laughed lightly but ran his fingers under the hem of Kevin's shirt.
Kevin's stomach twitched at the contact, Edd had just been putting away groceries in the freezer. "Cold!" He laughed and tried to back away, already cornered.
Edd pressed his hands more firmly against him and snickered. Kevin grabbed him and spun him around, picking him up, and placing him on the counter.
Kevin kissed him deeply and Edd sighed and moaned, putting his arms around his neck and his legs around his hips.
"Let me make you food. I have a present for you after." Kevin said into Edd's ear and he shivered.
"Mmm. Fine." He sighed dreamily.
Kevin made them both honey garlic chicken on rice and carrots. Simple but his mom's favorite quick recipe. They were at the table and eating within the half hour.
"This is amazing." Edd said, covering his mouth.
"I'll tell my mom. It's her recipe. I was actually thinking that we could go eat at my house this week. Maybe meet my parents…officially, you know." Kevin was looking sheepish.
"Of course." Edd's eyes were bright and he looked happy and flushed. "I'd love that."
Kevin breathed out in relief.
"Did you think I'd say no?" He asked, sipping his water.
"No. But I am glad you're excited to and not nervous."
"So what's the surprise?" Edd asked between bites. He'd been given a pretty average sized plate but he was making his way through it without issue.
Kevin chewed his lip. "Okay. Wait here. Let me grab something."
Edd continued eating and Kevin pulled out a bag he'd hid.
"Don't feel pressured or think we have to tonight or anything. I just figured. We'd talked about it and… well here."
He handed Edd the bag. He pulled out the contents and the light dusting of pink on his face belied his thoughts.
"I would very much like to tonight." He said, his voice husky with want.
Kevin had taken out the collar and put it in his pocket before they left. He'd give it to him… later.
"You should finish your food." Kevin said. His voice took on a slightly more demanding tone.
Edd bit his lip. "Okay." They both ate quickly after that and when Kevin had finished Edd took no time sliding into his lap.
They kissed like air was optional. Kevin cupped Edd's jaw to lean his head and Edd twitched and moaned at the contact with his neck. After clawing at it the second half of the day it was worse then it started, but Kevin hadn't seen yet.
Kevin peeled the collar down and gasped. "Babe!"
It had been hard to pull away the shirt, dried blood had crusted it to the wound and it was now bleeding again.
"Sorry." He whimpered. "I didn't mean to."
"Get the first aid kit and meet me in the bedroom. I'm gonna grab a few things before going up. Okay?"
"Okay." He said, giving Kevin an apologetic kiss.
Kevin bit Edd's lip. "Don't do this again." He said, a command, not a request.
"Okay." Edd shuddered. He liked that.
Edd climbed the stairs two at a time. Kevin heard the shower and knew he'd give himself a through once over, giving Kevin plenty of time to prepare.
He sent the checklist to Edd's printer and hit to make 2 copies. While he waited for that to boot up and print he grabbed a reusable bag and put the condoms and lube in along with a few snacks and water bottles. He grabbed a hand towel and a regular towel from the laundry room and filled a bowl with water. When the checklists were printed he folded them and placed them in the bag as well and went to the bedroom to set up.
He placed the water bowl on the bedside table and stripped the bed, folded the sheets off to the side, and placed the towel down. Nazz's idea of an aftercare box gave him the idea to get everything ready beforehand and he was sure Edd would appreciate the forethought.
He pulled off his shirt but left his pants on. The light weight of the collar felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket but he continued in his preparation. He placed the water bottles and snacks and broke the seal on the lube and condoms so he wouldn't have to mess with them in the moment. By the time he heard the shower turn off everything was set up.
Edd opened the door in only a towel and he was carrying the med box from his bathroom.
"Come here." Kevin said, motioning beside him.
"Oh." Edd said looking at the set up. "You've really put thought into this." He looked impressed.
"Of course I have." Kevin smiled with triumph and patted the bed.
Edd sat next to him and opened the kit.
"How did it get so much worse?" Kevin moved Edd's head and ran his thumb over the swollen flesh.
"I got too nervous. It's actually embarrassing how scared I was now."
Kevin put some antibiotic cream over the wound and Edd's hands came to rest on Kevin's chest.
"Tonight," Kevin said, "Is gonna be about being gentle. Is that okay?" He asked. "I don't think I can do something like this again so soon."
"Anything." Edd sighed. "As long as it's you."
"I love you." Kevin placed a patch bandage just large enough over the mark.
Edd's heart fluttered. "I love you too."
"I do have… one more thing for you though."
Edd's eyes blinked open, he hadn't even known he closed them, caught up in the euphoria of the pressure of the bandage being adhered.
Kevin took out the collar and pressed it into Edd's hand. "It's okay if it was just fantasy but…" he trailed off.
Edd looked at it. He didn't seem to react. He put it back in Kevin's hand.
"Put it on me?" He whispered. His voice was shaky and thick. "Please."
Kevin shivered at the tone. He snapped it around Edd's neck. It was loose and he adjusted it to fit snug.
Edd touched it. "How does it look?"
"You're beautiful." Kevin brushed it with his fingertips. "And mine." Kevin thought he might understand how Edd felt when he floated away because seeing his pretty little boyfriend naked except for a collar, a collar that represented his claim, a physical object that marked him as belonging to him, made Kevin feel like he was gasping for air in an ocean of pleasure.
"Yours." Edd said just as dreamily.
Kevin kissed him and backed him onto the bed.
"I'm going to really make you mine." Kevin said against his lips. "Would you like that?"
"Yes!" Edd moaned.
Kevin grabbed Edd's hips and pulled them up, placing Edd's knees on his shoulders.
"First though." He said. "I think I deserve dessert."
Edd snorted but it quickly turned into a moan. "You're so cheesy." He said with both pleasure and humor.
"You're sweet- kind of like honey." Kevin said, pressing his tongue flat against Edds quivering entrance.
Edd moaned and relaxed into the familiar pleasure of being rimmed. He wasn't sure why it was Kevin's favorite thing to do, the first time he'd covered his face and could only murmur, "Dirty, dirty, filthy, dirty" until he was shaking and cumming and he'd not had a problem since, so long as he cleaned up first, of course.
Kevin uncapped the lube and coated his fingers in it. He pulled off to take a breath and slipped two fingers in. The added slide of the lube made it much easier to immediately hit his sweet spot. Edd gasped at sudden entrance but it was so smooth he didn't tense at all.
"Good boy." Kevin said.
Edd gasped at the words and Kevin felt him tighten up.
Kevin enjoyed slowly taking Edd apart until he was a quivering mess. Kevin slid a third finger in and Edd whimpered, wordlessly begging.
"What do you want pet?" Kevin asked. "I'll give you whatever you want. Tell me."
"Please!" Edd cried out. "Please!"
"Please what baby?" He asked with a smile. He loved how wild Edd would get when he was close.
"Fuck me!" He wailed.
"Try again." Kevin teased, removing his fingers.
"Mm!" He huffed. "M-make love to me?" He asked panting, too deep in it to be embarrassed about how corny the phrase was.
"Good pet. Turn over." Kevin ordered.
Edd looked confused.
"Don't worry baby. Just gotta get you used to it." Edd nodded in a pre-orgasm daze.
Kevin took a pillow and placed it under Edd to elevate his hips. He tried unwrapping a condom but messed up, ripping the first one while rolling it down it. He opened another and more carefully put it on. He used more lube and Edd whined in anticipation.
"Just a second." He said, rubbing Edd's lower back with his dry hand.
Edd lifted his hips in the air. "Hurry."
He pulled the round globes apart and pressed the tip of his shaft against his slick hole.
"Fuck, I can't believe I'm finally gonna be in you."
Kevin slowly pressed into the tight heat and tried hard not to just surge forward. He put his hands on either side of Edd's head and breathed deep when his tip pushed through the right ring of muscle.
Edd moaned long and high at the deep stretching feeling.
"Fuck!" Kevin grunted.
Edd shook with fervor. "God! Yes!" He screamed.
"You're so tight." Kevin dropped his head to Edd's shoulder as Edd's insides spasmed around him. He mouthed a kiss to his shoulder blade. "You're twitching so much baby, you okay?"
Edd moaned. "It's so good!"
"I need you to relax. I can't move with you tightening up." He ran his hand up and down Edd's back.
He nodded and tried to breathe evenly, focusing on the soothing motion.
Kevin inched forward when Edd's thighs stopped trembling. After several long torturous minutes his pelvis pressed against Edd's perfect ass.
"I'm all the way in." He said into the back of Edd's neck.
Edd turned his head to look at his boyfriend. Kevin used that opportunity to capture his mouth. Panting between each wet kiss.
"Move." Edd whispered and Kevin gulped.
He pulled back and shallowly pushed back in, neither were prepared for the intensity of it.
Kevin stilled, the movement proving to be too much.
Edd gave a sharp cry and tried to push back into the overbearing pleasure. Kevin grabbed his hips and Edd nearly screamed in frustration.
"Fuck, baby. Not gonna last long of you keep doing that."
Edd buried his face into the mattress and tried to control himself. "S-sorry. Just… want, need-"
Kevin slid further in just a bit to tease. "What do you need, pet?"
"You!" He shouted and bucked his hips up.
Kevin's lubed hand slid and Edd impaled himself completely making them both give a keening yelp.
Kevin pulled out and Edd whimpered at the empty feeling.
"Turn over, wanna see you." Kevin rasped out.
Edd wasted no time and flipped over. Kevin adjusted the pillow under him and grabbed him under the knees. He coated himself with more lube and before Edd could beg he pressed back into him, all the way to the root.
The new position hitting deeper, Edd threw his head back. His mouth dropped open and let out a silent scream.
"Fuck baby. So good. Look at you taking me." He stared at where they were connected.
It was easier to control Edd's thrusting from this position and Edd could tell how much less motion he had, taking pleasure in the way he was being lightly restrained.
Kevin started to thrust slowly, getting used to the new position. After several thrusts he built up a slow rhythm and soon he was pulling back and pushing in all the way. Kevin removed his hands from holding Edd's knees and pressed into the bed, framing him in.
The sudden shift made Kevin's blunt head drag against Edd's sensitive bundle of nerves and his legs hooked around Kevin.
"Yes!" He sobbed.
"Right there?" Kevin asked and repeated the motion.
Edd gasped and wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck, he tightened up again and a chuckle got caught in Kevin's throat turning into a moan on the way out.
Kevin tried to hit his prostate again with his new, shallower, range of motion. Apparently the pose had him grinding right against his sweet spot because every movement had Edd on edge. His breath came out in short choppy moans and he was mumbling things like, "Please," and "Yes" and "Harder." The last one was almost funny with how much Edd was restricting him from going any harder, being so wrapped around him.
Kevin moved his still slightly slippery hand to grasp Edd, dripping with precum, between their bodies and at the overstimulation he released with a shuddering moan. Edd's arms fell away and Kevin went to pull out but Edd's legs tightened around him.
"Inside." Edd moaned. "Want you to cum while inside me."
Kevin groaned. "Yeah? Fuck, you're so sexy. Love you so much."
Edd's breath hitched at Kevin's harder thrust. He started to really drive into his body. Edd enjoyed the feeling of being filled so much he could already feel himself getting hard again.
Kevin changed position again, sitting back up and grabbing onto Edd's wrists, similar to when they'd been on the couch frotting. Using the leverage to pull him back and get deeper, harder thrusts.
The deep press and retraining of his arms while so deep in his afterglow was sending Edd floating but it wasn't quite enough.
"Kevin, please! Need more." He whined, he wanted to be bit, hurt, something!
Kevin redoubled his efforts and slammed into his pretty panting boyfriend.
"Look at you, begging me to fuck you harder. My little pet, wearing my collar. You're so full of me and you still want more."
It wasn't what Edd had in mind but it worked. The praise and reminder of the collar around his neck sent him floating gently into subspace.
Kevin snapped his hips home one more time and teetered over the edge, grinding and hitting deep while pulling Edd back hard. Edd's insides tightening as he came a second time, sensitive and overstimulated from his first orgasm.
Kevin fell sideways onto the small bed. Edd instantly glommed onto him and sucked kisses into Kevin's neck. He sighed with contentment and enjoyed the intimacy of the moment, running one hand through his boyfriend's messy black hair and the other rubbing circles into his lower back. He knew with how hard he'd gotten towards the end Edd was going to have some discomfort tomorrow. A small part of him enjoyed that Edd would not only feel it tomorrow but it might also be something that he savors, the way he had the bite, but without creating an open wound.
Edd kissed his way up Kevin's jaw to whisper thanks and gratitude. Kevin didn't realize how much he'd enjoy that- not sexually, maybe Edd could go several rounds but he needed at least a half an hour, maybe a full hour before he could get himself back into working order- but on a more emotional level. He felt any small bit of tension and discomfort about how he might have hurt his lover drain away at the soft, almost incomprehensible babbles of "Thank you," repeated into his ear.
"Yeah? That what you needed, baby?" He asked.
Edd nodded into his neck and continued alternating kissing and nuzzling the flesh.
"Never felt so good. Wanna have you inside me all the time. Thank you. Love you."
Kevin chuckled. Thanking your partner after sex had to be kinda weird but he liked how much Edd was showering him with affection. Usually he was pretty quiet after sex so this shift to praise was interesting and welcome.
Edd eventually settled and Kevin kissed his forehead.
Edd's happy unfocused eyes shut and he hummed in appreciation.
"You still floating?" Kevin asked.
Edd nodded.
"Didn't even have to hurt you baby. I Love seeing you like this." He dropped another kiss on his forehead.
Edd hummed and kissed Kevin's clavicle in turn. "Love you." Was his response. Whether he heard him clearly or just the word 'love' was debatable but Kevin let him soak in subspace for a while longer, content with the knowledge it wasn't anything to worry over. He tied off the condom and threw it in the trash he'd dragged over earlier without getting up.
Eventually feeling returned to Edd's fingers and toes and he started to gain his facilities back.
"Sticky, sticky, sticky." Was his first words out of it.
Kevin laughed. "Let me take care of that."
He got the hand towel he'd brought up wet and wrung it out in the basin.
He wiped up the mess from his chest, down his stomach, and down between his legs. He rinsed it back in the bowl and wiped off the mess that had transferred to his own body and placed it back in the water.
"Here, sit up." Kevin said, handing him some water.
Edd smiled at the preparation and took sips until it was half gone before screwing the top back on.
"So organized." Edd fake swooned and Kevin chuckled.
"I also brought up some granola bars, and with the towel down- no crumbs. I've truly thought of everything." He said it like he was gloating but had a joking smile.
"If anyone can appreciate preparedness it's me."
"Oh, let me get that off-" Kevin motioned to the collar and Edd put his hand over it, as though checking it was still there.
"Actually." He blushed. "Maybe I'll wear it… a bit longer."
"Yeah?" Kevin gave a sly grin. "Bet you could get away with wearing it to school under your shirt."
Edd's face went from pink to red but he didn't move. Just bit his lip.
"You've thought of that already, huh? Kinky." He laughed.
"I talked to Margot a bit about… the liking pain thing. She doesn't think it's anything to worry about so long as we do our research and are safe."
"Actually, speaking of." Kevin said. He grabbed the bag and handed over the folded paper.
"What is-" Edd asked before looking. "A spreadsheet. You really do know the way to my heart." He chuckled.
"Read it, dork." It was said with so much affection Edd had to laugh at the use of his old insult. "It's a bdsm checklist. Basically we each go down the list- I have one too- and put down if we're curious about something or if it's not for us. Here-" he pointed, "is the guide. Hard no for things that you refuse to do. Soft no for things you might try but only after a lot of planning or talk, and curious for things you want to try, and like for things you know you want."
Edd read down the list, there was a giving and receiving column and the back was also printed on. "My, this is detailed."
"Yeah there's stuff that I think we'll end up skipping over, and believe it or not this was the shorter one for beginners."
Edd grabbed them each a pencil and hardcover book to lean on from his desk.
Kevin had to ask what some words meant, ("I mean what the fuck are manacles?" Kevin asked) And they both had to look up what most things entailed. Some they both laughed at, like saran wrapping. While Edd was sure there were people who enjoyed that it was a pretty funny image.
"So what do we do if we have different answers on things?"
Kevin shrugged. "I guess just talk about why we do or don't want to so we can understand each other better."
Edd kissed Kevin's cheek. "You're so thoughtful. Thank you for this."
"Of course." Kevin smiled and pecked Edd's lips. "Love you."
"Let's get into this before I jump you again." Edd said with mirth.
"God, how do you do that? I'm still recovering!"
Edd shouldered him lightly. "Let's get to it."
The first one Edd was curious about was 'anal toys.' Neither of them had any yet but it was tempting. The addition of 'public under clothes' beneath it marked with a curious scratched out and replaced with a 'soft no.'
"Definitely not at school." Edd said with a blush. "But maybe if it's something we can… work up to."
Kevin smirked. "I like that. Something to work up to. Means we get to figure each other out."
Kevin had receiving anal as a 'soft no.'
"I'm just not sure." He said. I've tried fingering myself once… not a fan. But you like it a lot so… I dunno. Maybe at some point."
"I'm in no rush. I rather enjoy how we've been going."
The next few were marked no on both of their lists until blindfolds. Both marked curious in both giving and receiving, as well as being bitten.
"But you were against biting me again." Edd said questioningly.
"Just… that hard. I think I just don't like the idea of making you bleed. It's… I dunno. It just makes me feel bad."
"I'm not much of a fan of blood either." Edd agreed.
All variations of bondage were marked 'curious' by Edd all the way down but Kevin had marked down 'hard no' under 'bondage- rope.'
Edd nodded. They didn't have to talk about that one.
"I just don't-" Kevin started.
"No. I get it." Edd said with a soft smile. "I'm not going to ask for something like that."
Breathing control had a similar response.
Bruises Edd marked as 'like.' Not just curious. Kevin saw hand-prints already forming on his hip bones and he was glad he was going to enjoy them.
Candle wax and caning was 'curious' for Edd but Kevin had a 'soft no' for caning.
"I think I'd want to work up to that too." Kevin said. "It definitely scares me to hit you with something, especially something like that."
There were a few things that they both agreed they weren't interested in until collars.
Worn in private and in public were marked 'like.' Kevin chuckled and hooked a finger under the strap. "I think I should get you something nicer."
Edd licked his lips. "Maybe leather." He replied.
Cross dressing was marked as curious- in private. And Kevin grinned. "A maid costume would look good on you."
Edd, rather than blushing or looking away, smirked. "I rather think so too." And Kevin was surprised at how confident he was in that statement.
Edd shrugged. "Halloween one year as a dare."
"Do you still have it?" Kevin looked eager.
"No, it was borrowed." He laughed. Kevin didn't look put out. He was definitely planning to get one.
Cuffs were next and Edd had marked a resounding 'like' next to both metal and leather. Kevin marked 'curious' in both columns.
"I like that you want to try some submissive things." Edd said.
"I kinda wanna see what you're like when you're in control."
Edd bit his lip and his eyes glazed over. The image wasn't bad at all.
Down the list was mostly just disinterest until exhibitionism which Kevin marked with a question mark.
"Does that mean curious? Or you didn't know what it was?" Edd asked.
"I know what it is… now. I looked it up. But I don't know how I feel about it. I like the thought of people seeing us in theory but also I hate the thought of anyone else getting to see you naked."
Edd laughed. "We can revisit the idea down the road. I'm not currently interested but… we'll see." He shrugged. "There's a lot to try. We can always fill these out again later."
There were a few more they skipped before 'following orders'- which Edd had marked a 'like.' And Kevin snorted an 'obviously.' Edd elbowed him because he had marked 'like' as well in giving and receiving.
"Like you're one to talk."
Gags they both marked curious.
Golden shower was practically cut out of the page how hard Edd had scribbled it out. A 'the hardest no I can possibly say' next to it. Kevin laughed and agreed.
Hair pulling was obvious and Edd laughed at Kevin's 'curious' in receiving.
"Your hair?"
Kevin rubbed at his short buzzed hair. There wasn't even an inch at the top where it was its longest besides the slightly longer fringe at the front.
"I can grow the top out a bit. I only have it this short because of football."
Having food and clothing chosen had no markings and Kevin pointed it out.
"Much like with you and exhibitionism I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. Wearing clothes you've chosen because I like that you chose them is one thing, but complete control over my wardrobe is another. Same with food."
"I mean, I'd like to go shopping with you and find you stuff that looks hot on you but I wouldn't want to pick clothes like… every day or even in a sexual way." Kevin said. "And I like cooking for you but also I don't want to like- restrict food or make you eat anything you don't like."
"I think there might be days where… if I'm in a really bad place I might want you to take over for me. Make choices for me so I don't have to think. But I don't know if that's putting too much on you."
"I wouldn't mind." Kevin wound their fingers together.
"You want to take me clothes shopping?" Edd asked.
"Well. It seems like most of your stuff is loose." He shrugged. "I may not want anyone to see you naked but I do want to show off how sexy you are."
Edd thought about how he'd looked in the mirror and thought about how when he'd put his clothes on he was less happy with his image.
"Mmm. I think I'd like that."
Ice cubes, immobilization, and lingerie were all marked curious. Neither thought there was much to say though. They all seemed pretty well talked through with other things or just vanilla enough to not need more confirmation.
Nipple clamps and piercings were marked curious and Kevin blinked.
"Piercing? You'd want to try that?" He seemed faint at the idea of needles.
"I mean… I would want a professional to pierce them… possibly. At some point." He squeaked. "Maybe."
He imagined Edd in nothing but a leather collar and studs through his nipples and it was hot. "I definitely didn't picture you the type but as long as I don't have to hold or touch or see a needle, it would definitely be sexy."
Edd breathed a sigh of relief. "I didn't think so either but since reading it I'm… curious. Very curious."
"Would you get tattoos?" He asked.
"Maybe. I think I'd like to cover up some of my scars."
"You could shave the side of your head and get something there. I bet it would look sexy as hell." He said, moving his hair to look at the scar. "Piercings and tattoos would complete the dangerous sexy look." He said referencing their conversation on the couch when he'd first been allowed to see his hair.
Edd laughed. "Yes. Might as well buy me a leather jacket while you choose my clothes." He joked.
"You accessorize correctly and people will just think wearing a collar is a fashion statement."
Edd elbowed him. "Like I could pull that off."
"Oh, you totally could. Leather pants maybe, or some ripped up jeans." He said. "Maybe some of those big goth boots."
"I'd have to see what I look like in something like that, but I'll admit I've been jealous of some more alternative looks I've seen. A change in hairstyle might be nice too. Maybe the scar won't be so noticeable if I get the right cut."
Next in the order was orgasm denial and orgasm control and Edd had marked curious for both.
"I don't think I could control your orgasm to save my life." Kevin teased.
Edd elbowed him. "Forced orgasm falls under this and you definitely did that."
"I didn't mean to." He said. "You were the one who held on and asked me to keep going."
"And the dry orgasm? You definitely pulled that one right out of me." He smiled. Obviously enjoying being the one teasing.
When they made it to spanking Kevin had a 'like' down under giving and Edd grinned.
"We haven't even tried that yet." Edd teased.
"I know I like your ass. And it's my hand. Not, y'know, something that I can't control as well."
"You know. We don't need to go buy anything for that." He said leaning into Kevin's space. "Nothing else on this list seems as interesting right now."
"Hmm." Kevin said eyeing the rest of the list. Both had a similar mix of 'hard' and 'soft' no's. He'd wanted to have today be soft but it was very tempting.
"I do want to talk about one other thing beforehand. A safeword."
"And that is?"
"Basically a different way to say no. Nazz said it was important but I don't think I could go on if you say 'no' or 'stop.' But I guess it's something people like. Colors are pretty common. Red means stop but at any point I can ask you your color and you can say green for good or yellow to pull back. Like a traffic light."
"Hm." Edd straddled Kevin. "When I'm really in it I probably wouldn't be able to remember that. But… I can see the appeal."
Kevin's hands went to his waist. "We can try it out." He suggested.
"How do you want to do it?"
Kevin licked his lips. "How about… over my knee?"
Edd moved to lay himself across Kevin's lap. His legs dangled off the bed.
"Oh, wow." Kevin said. "The view is… incredible."
Kevin grabbed one of his cheeks and squeezed. Edd looked over his shoulder and started laughing at the stricken amazed face.
"You've been touching my butt for days. How are you still so enthralled?"
Kevin gave a quick small slap to the underside of the round mound. Edd yiped at the sudden contact and Kevin watched it bounce with fascination.
"It's just amazing how thin you are and still have an ass this fine. Not to mention most guys I know have flat asses." He rubbed the spot he tapped.
"I'm sure every girlfriend you've ever had had had a more impressive rear."
"I dunno. Never got this undressed with them."
"I'm sure you could tell- Oh !" Kevin slapped harder and bit his lip.
"Fuck yeah." He said at the blooming red mark.
"That's… do that again." Edd gasped.
Kevin slapped again in the same spot and it stung even more on the second impact.
"Color?" Kevin asked.
"Green!" Edd said. "Harder?"
Kevin's hand came down harder on the other cheek in two quick successions. He felt Edd's erection stirring on his leg.
He slapped once more, harder, before slipping a finger into him. Edd's head thunked down onto the bed and he clawed at the mattress.
Kevin massaged the ring of muscle. It was still slightly slick and puffy from the earlier abuse. He squeezed lube into his hand and warmed it before pressing his digit back in.
"Mmm. Are you going to fill me up again?" Edd asked and Kevin, despite everything they'd done, wasn't expecting such a sultry question and turned red.
"Fuck, I could listen to you talk dirty all day."
Edd chuckled low and peeked at him. "I don't think I'll ever get enough of you inside me."
"Yeah? How about you prove it." Kevin said, pulling his fingers out.
"How would I go about that?" Edd asked and sat up.
Kevin patted his lap. "How about you ride me?"
Edd licked his lips. "Condoms?" He asked.
Kevin fished one out of the box. "How 'bout you put it on me." He had a cocky grin and leaned against the headboard.
Edd unwrapped it and struggled to get it on. "You might need to get a larger band size next time we go."
"I know I should measure to find out which one fits. I just grabbed a medium."
"You're rather thick." Edd said. "Usually my jaw hurts after sucking you."
"I didn't know." He said, petting Edd's face.
"It's fine." He chuckled at how much Kevin cared about every little ache and pain. "The hazards of fellattio."
He rolled it on completely and straddled his boyfriend. "Like this?"
"Lube." Kevin reminded and uncapped it for him. Edd held out his hand and Kevin applied it. Edd slathered it onto Kevin's stiffness then guided it to his entrance.
"Ready?" Edd asked.
"Yeah." Kevin stroked his thigh. "Go slow, I'd rather you're sweet ass doesn't hurt too much tomorrow."
"If I don't will I get a spanking?" Edd teased while sinking slowly down.
"No, the punishment will be no spanking until I'm sure you're all healed up."
"That is a scary punishment." He laughed. Kevin pinched his ass.
Edd squeaked and jumped. The motion jerking Kevin from out of his tight heat.
"Try again." Kevin laughed.
Edd pouted but tried again. The look of concentration on his face was adorable.
He sunk down again and Kevin pinched him a second time but instead of jumping again Edd clamped down around him.
"Fuck!" Kevin yelped at the sudden vice grip.
"What was that?" Edd asked with a smirk, he swiveled his hips before sliding further down.
"Minx." Kevin gasped, grabbing his hips to still him. Edd laughed and constricted around him again.
"Fuck! You're doing that on purpose."
"Mmm. Maybe." He dropped down the rest of the way and Kevin jerked up.
"Careful!" He hissed. "If you get hurt I won't be able to even finger you."
Edd grinded against him. "I'm not in any pain. I promise."
Kevin groaned and leaned his head onto Edd's chest. "Ah- give me a moment." He said. "I'm still a bit sensitive."
Edd ran his hands over Kevin's short hair. The fringe in the front wasn't quite long enough to get a strong hold of but it was grippable. Edd grasped it as tight as he could and pulled his head up.
Kevin gasped. "Shit."
"Bad?" Edd asked.
"Just surprising."
Kevin pulled him in for a kiss. Edd slid his arms around Kevin's shoulders and tilted his head.
"Okay-" Kevin said, "go ahead."
Edd used his legs to lift himself and dropped back down. Edd's eyes slid shut and he sighed in pleasure.
"I like this position." Edd moaned. "It's not as intense but it feels good to be this close."
Kevin licked up and down Edd's neck and Edd started up a slow up and down motion.
"My thighs are getting sore." Edd complained after a few slow but incredible minutes of lifting up and dropping down.
Kevin grabbed him under his thighs. "Hold on."
Edd tightened his grip and Kevin started bouncing him.
Edd moaned and moved along to the new pace. Kevin adjusted, releasing one leg to reach between them and jerked him in time, the other arm under Edd to keep up the rhythm. They were both sweating from the exertion and Kevin's grip slipped, Edd came down harder then expected and he hugged Kevin to his chest and shouted hoarsely.
"Yes!"
His entrance clamped down around Kevin who in turn squeezed Edd's dick creating a new loop of clamping and squeezing before Edd released and Kevin not long after.
"You're going to kill me." Kevin panted. "Death by sex."
Edd laughed weakly, too drained to respond, sated and happy.
They cleaned up and righted the bed and it was already dark out. They laid together, Edd's head resting on Kevin's chest.
"I never knew how much fun sex could be. Everything made it look so tense and dire."
"Like what?" Kevin asked, propping his head up to look at Edd.
"Movies and TV. I tried to watch porn once but I didn't care much for it."
"I started watching porn pretty early. I found a lot of stuff with people who had actual chemistry, it's hard to find though so I can see being put off though."
"Hmm. Maybe you can show me some. For research purposes, obviously." Edd joked.
"Watching porn is definitely less interesting when you have someone next to you who is much sexier."
"Flatterer." Edd chuckled. "You're quite smitten with my looks and I don't get it. You're so handsome, I'm quite below average."
"Are you kidding? You're like hands down the hottest guy I've seen in person."
"I definitely don't agree."
"That's because you're not your type. I am."
"Fair enough." Edd laughed. "Your type seems rather broad though. If memory serves your last three girlfriends were rather different from one another."
"Well the last two asked me out and I agreed. They were cute enough." He shrugged. "But their personalities were the problem."
"Then how would you quantify your taste?"
"Well I've recently acquired a taste for dark hair." Kevin said with a wolfish grin.
"But not before?"
"I didn't have a preference before."
"You seem to enjoy my posterior but said you didn't notice your previous partners' before either."
"Well… yeah. I mean if the butt isn't connected to someone I don't click with it's not gonna affect me."
"It just seems odd to say I'm your type when your type seems to be so ambiguous."
"Well my taste in men and women are pretty different from each other too. When I watch gay porn I gravitate towards pornstars that have a thin lanky build. With women a bit fuller. I don't really know why."
"Huh. I guess I don't fully understand because I'm only attracted to men."
"Well what about you? When you thought about sex before we got together who did you think of?"
"I didn't have a person in particular. Just a vague set of attributes. Like…" Edd ran his fingers down Kevin's well defined abdomen. "Well defined muscles."
"There wasn't a celebrity or anything?" Kevin asked incredulously.
"Well. I did have a crush on Alan Alda for awhile."
"From MASH?" Kevin laughed. "Yeah, I can see that. Young Alan Alda was pretty hot."
"It was more his personality in the show, but he was rather attractive as a young man. Does your sister also have an obsession with Loretta Smith?"
"Nah, my dad always put on reruns when he was home. I swear I'd catch the same three episodes on repeat but my dad would just start spouting off about whatever trivia he knew about the show. I used to think it was so annoying but now I think back and it was pretty cool."
"You've talked about your mom and sister before. This is the first I've heard you talk about your dad."
"Yeah, he was mostly gone for work when I was younger. After my sister got cancer he's been trying to work his way back into the family but it's kind of forced. He's also where I got my short temper. He never hit anyone or anything but he'd shout his head off at stupid shit. My sister is much closer to him now but I've had a hard time finding common ground. He likes football but even then I'm not into, like, statistics or the leagues. I just like playing it. He's also kinda try-hard macho and it's pretty annoying."
"So are you close to your mom?"
"Oh yeah. My mom is as much of a fan of football as my dad but she's more into the stuff I am. Plays and tactics and stuff. She's also a great cook. But she can be pretty annoying. She's given me at least 4 different sex talks. Be prepared for that by the way. As soon as she knows we're dating she's going to be pelting you with questions."
"She sounds lovely."
"Would it break the mood to ask about your parents?"
"Hmm. Well my mom was always very… particular. When my dad moved out she redesigned the house to be more her taste. The minimalist hell downstairs is her. She also tended to pick things up and get bored of them quickly. Sewing comes to mind. Same with the pedal steel guitar. She was dead set to learn it when I was young. Eventually she got tired of it and put me in lessons because she didn't want having bought an expensive instrument to go to waste. She was very talented though. She didn't quit because she couldn't learn. She basically mastered it and moved on. Painting, sewing, knitting, music, you name it and she picked it up, became a master at it, and got bored. She was even a top chess player for a year or so."
"You must get your brains from her." Kevin said. Edd seemed to be pretty relaxed and Kevin was glad he didn't shut down like before, either sex or therapy was the key.
"Yes, but my diligence from my father. He's been doing the same job for nearly 20 years. He gets transferred around but everyone needs contractors. When he was around he was always very nice and soft spoken. He'd bring home gifts and we'd get to go fun places. My mom was completely different when he was around. She seemed happier. I think she was lonely. He kept choosing work over her though so she kept trying to fill her time with hobbies and they didn't really fill the void. Her moving in with her boyfriend makes sense. She's just the kind of person that needs to be with someone I think."
Kevin kissed Edd's forehead. "I'm not gonna leave you like that."
Edd rubbed his cheek against Kevin's shoulder. "I know."