I'm sorry, I feel like I stressed you guys out with this chapter title, but it's actually sexy and good! Haha

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

We Shouldn't

January, 6th Year

The end of vacation came, and with it, everyone returned to Hogwarts. The day before classes, Marlene thoroughly surprised Lily by running up to her in the common room and bear hugging the living daylights out of her.

"Oof!" Lily cried out, laughing through a haze of blonde hair.

"Please don't ever leave me with those two again; they're the worst," she joked pointing over her shoulder at Sirius and James trailing behind her.

Lily tried to pretend like her heart didn't jump out of her chest when she locked eyes with James, but he probably saw her reaction all the same. James never missed a beat. In that moment, Lily felt the full weight of just how much she's missed him, a feeling she'd been trying to repress, come crashing over her all at once. Relax, it was less than two weeks… It had felt like an eternity after having lived with him. Was she crazy for wanting to do that again?

"Hey," his deep voice flowed through her veins.

"Hey yourself," she answered, tilting her head.

"Hey, hey, heeeeey," Sirius announced, shimmying between them obviously, never one to be forgotten. "You miss us, Rose?"

She smiled up at him brightly. "So very much."

Sirius slung his arm around her shoulder. "I knew it. See Prongs? She was probably pining away about us in her diary every night!"

Lily shoved his arm off. "Pining. Plotting nefarious schemes against… all the same really, isn't it?"

"Whatever would you have to retaliate against us for? Were we not but the finest of gentlemen this break?" Sirius asked with an air of aristocracy.

Actually, yes. "Not quite sure yet, but I'll think of a reason." She gave him a charming wink.

"How was your New Years?" James asked eagerly, clearly trying to insert himself back into the conversation.

Lily's cheeks reddened, embarrassed. "I actually… fell asleep before midnight, so pretty uneventful."

"Seriously?!" Sirius gasped, giving James a look she didn't quite understand. "Lily, that's just so—"

"Lame, I know."

"I was going to say pitiful. Pathetic. Piffling." What is it with these boys and their alliterations?

"I get it, Sirius."

"Still somehow not as sad as Prongs that night. You see, he—" Sirius' lips were mysteriously sealed shut and his face comically scrunched as he tried to force them apart.

Lily turned to James, holding his wand aloft in his dominant arm. "James! Your arm! Is it better?" Sirius made a noise of protest next to her, but James could not have looked any more pleased with the words that had come out of her mouth. Lily walked up to him like she was about to push his sleeve up to his shoulder, but caught herself.

"Yeah, loads actually. You did a great job caring for it." Sirius made another muffled groaning sound. "Pads too."

"That's great, I'm so happy." He looks good. I mean, not just attractive, he always looks unfairly attractive, but like in high spirits. Fully mobile. Not injured and sad. His gaze kept darting to her neck.

"So how's Adam?" Marlene's question snapped Lily out of her heady stare-off with James.

"Fine, yeah, all right. As good as can be expected I suppose."

"Help me carry my trunk up?" the blonde asked a little too nonchalantly. Lily knew just enough about girl code to know this meant she wanted to grill her for details about the end of her break away from present company. She happily took the other side of Marlene's luggage and followed her up the staircase.

"See you boys at dinner," she called over her shoulder.

"You girls are witches! Use your wands and just levitate it!" Sirius cried back.

"Oh shut up!" Marlene sighed as she closed their dorm room door behind them. "So?" She looked to Lily like she was withholding a big secret.

Since the three of them had Flooed back before the Hogwarts Express had arrived, the room was still empty save for them. "So what?" Lily replied blankly.

"Was it weird, was it horrible, I don't know?"

"I mean, yeah, really horrible mostly," Lily said a bit guiltily as she sat on her bed while Marlene unpacked. "But I knew it would be."

"Yeah." Mar opened her dresser. "But like no… funny business?"

"Funny business?"

"Yeah. I mean, didn't you tell me that he sort of admitted to fancying you before he knew you and James were… involved?"

Lily fully let herself collapse on the bed. "Well yeah, but this vacation wasn't like that at all. There was not a hint of longing or… anything."

"Oh, that's good."

"Mar," Lily stared at her in disbelief, "you didn't actually think I came here to seduce a boy who had just lost everything… did you?"

Marlene turned to her, a pair of folded socks in hand. "Of course I didn't. But Sirius got it out of James that you two still aren't official, so Sirius seemed to be trying to prepare James for the worst possible scenarios. After James heard the term 'pity-fuck,' he kind of shut down. Locked himself in his room for the day and blasted sad music for hours. It was a whole thing."

"He did?" Lily couldn't believe it, even though she could still somehow picture it crystal clearly. Merlin damn it, Sirius!

"Yup. A sap through and through," Marlene laughed lovingly.

"Well, then I'm glad he didn't just come barging to Hogwarts and start stalking me." Lily's lips twitched as she tried not to giggle. "Shows some real trust."

Marlene tossed her last pair of socks in the drawer and snapped it shut. "Would you look at that? He didn't. Cheers for small strides in maturity."

Lily stretched out, finally succumbing to her laughter. "Silly boy. He should know I wouldn't make a move on Adam even if he had been so inclined." She propped herself up on an elbow. "But no. If I didn't distinctly remember the conversation Adam and I had because of how awkward it was, I would swear — it's like he was never romantically interested in me at all." She pushed her palms into her eye sockets. "This is so dumb. The poor boy's traumatized and I'm picking apart his romantic leanings."

Mar sat down next to her. "To be fair, it sounds like you weren't. But James definitely was."

Lily gave her friend's arm a lackluster push. "He did imply James was a dick though, and that seemed to come out of left field."

Marlene rolled her eyes theatrically. "Oh Lily, and you just said he wasn't interested in you! But he's clearly still jealous!"

"No," Lily defended, "no, it really didn't feel like that. I don't know how to explain it, but I really don't think he's ever fancied me like that. Like he says all the right things, and he obviously likes hanging out with me, but there's just never been any sort of spark — I think for either of us. Even when he kissed me on the cheek at the game that one time, I feel like it was more to see if there was anything, cause he was watching my reaction so closely, not because he actually wanted to. I dunno how to explain it."

"Huh. I mean, do you think he might be gay?" Mar offered. Lily tilted her head. "I never thought of that. But it's not like I have any evidence to support that either." I mean he said he had the hots for Madam Pince that one time… but that better have been a joke.

"Oo! I know! He's secretly in love with James and getting close to you so he can learn your mannerisms and then, when he feels ready, he'll Polyjuice into you and seduce the man of his dreams but in your body!"

Lily blinked at her a couple of times, very afraid. "Did you just think of all of that on the spot?"

Marlene shrugged. "No. It's basically just the plot of the latest book I'm reading. I can lend it to you?"

"No thanks. I have enough drama in my life and I'd love to be able to sleep at night."

Classes started again and everything returned to near usual at Hogwarts. Of course, Dumbledore had made a speech about the loss of their Head Boy, Michael Paxton, and how they'd all have to rally in his memory. But still, a week later, it almost felt like nothing had happened. Lily couldn't decide whether that was a show of the resilience of the human spirit, or evidence of how very near-sighted and self-absorbed people were. Not that she could blame them — dwelling on tragedy was a thoroughly uncomfortable experience, and if you had the choice not to… why would you?

Meanwhile, Lily and James seemed to be dancing around each other once more. Previously, it had been an angst-filled and worried tango, but now, it was more like a confused waltz, infused with all the feelings and confessions that had been revealed that Christmas. James' hands would linger on hers when handing her books she couldn't quite reach in the library, and Lily's gaze would stall over him every single time she'd see him enter any of their many shared classes. It was this weird limbo — they both knew something magical had transpired between them over Christmas, but now, in the bright halls of Hogwarts, it was hard to convert all that frenzied energy into their day-to-day life (especially since Lily had received her death sentence).

"Okay, Prongs would kill me if he knew I was talking to you…" Sirius declared, lounging against one of her couch's arms while Lily was working on her Transfiguration essay Thursday night.

"I love this conversation already," Lily mused as she crossed her t's and dotted her i's.

"But you don't have to live with the guy." Lily looked up to see Sirius giving her a wide-eyed glare. "I do. And he's driving me insane."

Lily fought off a smirk. "More than usual?"

"This isn't a joke, Rose. But if you must know: yes." He shook his majestic mane from out of his eyes. "A thousand times yes. You see, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he's gotten too noble to ask you," he threw up air quotes, "because he doesn't 'want to push you,' because you asked for time or something — I don't know, he's always rambling." Lily was fully, toothily smiling now. "But, you know what? This considering other people's feelings thing is clearly very new to him and he sucks at it, because he's making everyone but you miserable by doing nothing but trying to respect the crap out of you, so please, for the love of Merlin, what the hell is going on between you two?"

Oh no… oh nonono. Lily knew this was about to be the straw that broke the camel's back. She'd wanted to continue where things had been going with James, she wanted almost nothing more, but she knew it would also be the most selfish thing in the world. As Adam's family's murder had devastatingly reminded her — connections to people had consequences. While it was obvious James was a 'blood traitor,' he didn't have a target on his back like she did. But maybe if I could convince him to keep us private? Maybe if… fuck. She was already considering how to make it work. So much for trying my hardest to resist this…

"Are you sure this is about me?"

"Do dogs love bones?" Off of Lily's blank face, he answered his own question. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure this is about you and please, whatever you guys have got going on, just fix it. If not for him, for my sanity."

Sirius got up to leave, but Lily stopped him. "Sirius, where is he right now?"

"Upstairs with the boys. Why?"

Lily gave him an innocent little smile. "Any way he could be upstairs without the boys?"

Sirius' face broke into a huge grin. "Yes, I think that could be arranged. Gimme ten minutes." Lily watched as he sprang to his feet and ran up the stairs.

"I thought you guys were going to—" James' words trailed off when he finally looked up to see Lily in the door frame. "Oh. Hey."

Lily smirked confidently as she approached him in her robe. "Hey yourself."

"Sorry," James said adjusting himself on his bed so that his feet came to the floor to face her. "The guys just left, I thought they forgot something."

"I know," Lily said standing between his knees.

His eyebrows quirked as he took in her sly smile. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"You're up to something, I can tell." Amusement had crept into his voice.

"Nooo… what makes you think that?" Lily mocked as she started removing her robe. Their positions reminded her of only a few months ago when she'd come to his room, just like this, to offer him a sexual relationship. She'd been so nervous and self-conscious then, but she wasn't anymore. She knew what she had going on now.

"Wait," James said scrunching his eyes closed as he caught her wrists. "Fuck," he whispered under his breath.

"What?" Lily asked, straightening her back.

James exhaled almost painfully. "I just—" he let out a low whistle, "I just want to know where we stand. Before we, you know." He gave her a significant look.

"Well, right now, I'm standing here in my bartending outfit—"

"What?!" James cried out, all but tearing her robe off of her shoulders to reveal her scanty black halter top and booty shorts. "Evans…" he moaned.

"This boy I fell for over Christmas really seemed to want to see me in it again…"

James' hands slid down from skimming the sides of her breasts to framing her waist to latching onto her hips. "Fuck."

"Did that boy change his mind about his fetishes?" she asked far too innocently for the given situation.

"He did not. Nope." She smiled harder the more his fingers dug into her skin. "But…" it looked painful for him to lift his gaze from her form, "what changed?"

Lily squirmed a little uneasily. She sighed. "Nothing really. I just realized maybe I'm not strong enough to stay away from you."

A mischievous glint shone in his eyes. "It was a valiant effort I'm sure."

"Shut up, you know we shouldn't be doing this…" Lily argued as James slowly started peeling her top off of her midriff.

"Oh, I agree, this is so wrong." He laid a gentle kiss on one of her freshly uncovered nipples; then thought better of it and started sucking as he lifted the garment over her arms.

Without thinking, Lily's hands came up to bury themselves in his hair. "I'm serious. I shouldn't be doing this." Her head started rolling back as he really committed to his undivided adoration of her chest.

"You're so bad, Lily," he murmured into her skin before flicking his tongue out dangerously.

"Stop," Lily replied giggling as she playfully pushed him back.

"Oh, I thought we were working on a bit." James smirked as he ruffed his hair.

"No, James," Lily laughed, cupping his jaw and bringing him in for a kiss. It was impossible to miss how he sighed into her mouth with the contact as he wrapped his arms around her bare upper frame. "I was actually being serious."

"Okay, okay." James' hands settled back onto her hips. "So, this outfit tells me you want to rock my world, but, before you can do that, you want to have a discussion about the morality of continuing this? Am I close?"

Lily tilted her head. "Yeah. Pretty damn warm I'd say."

"All right, Evans. Well, you know my stance on things." His thumb toying with the elastic of her shorts told her he was absolutely dying to rip them off of her. If Lily of a couple months ago could see herself now — standing in front of James Potter topless, cool as a cucumber, having a conversation about ethics — she would have a stroke.

"You don't care?"

"No, I do care. I care about you. Everything else can suck it."

Lily snorted. "Right." She brought one of her clenched fists up to her side, to punch sideways at her lower ribs, but James yanked it roughly back. "Wha—?"

"Don't start that back up again! I thought you'd gotten over that habit."

"Huh?"

James released her wrist. "The whole fake shanking thing. It freaks me out."

When had he noticed? "This is a stressful situation!"

"Lily," he said incredulously, "no it's not. You like a boy, hello," he waved his hand, "he likes you back, therefore, you fuck." He would think it was this simple.

"Um, I think you missed a crucial part in the story: boy likes girl, girl likes boy, homicidal maniac wants to kill girl, so girl is trying to refuse her baser instincts by not fucking boy."

"Says girl while she's half-naked in front of boy," responded James dryly.

"Fuck!" Lily cried out, reaching for her top.

"No, no, I was kidding, I get it, I really do," James mollified peppering kisses on her face as he squeezed her against his chest. "I just don't see the point in punishing yourself just because someone else has already decided to. You know?" Lily's brow furrowed. James continued, "So okay. This one pale-faced loser," Lily snorted, "decided he wants to do you in. Well, to me, that sounds like you should be living your life extra hard right now, not dialing yourself back."

Lily couldn't help but smile as she traced his cheek. He'd always looked at life completely differently from her, and she loved that about him. "So you don't think I'm a bitch for still wanting this?" she whispered.

"No," he said ardently. "Not at all."

She bit the inside of her cheek. "I still think we should be discreet though. Like the less people know about us, the less danger you're in."

"I can rein in the googly-eyes."

"Can you?" Lily taunted.

"Oh shut it, babe, you damn near light fires with how hard you undress me in class."

"You never wear your bloody robe! And your tie's always loose!" James moved in on her collarbone with a cocky smirk, his lips igniting all her nerve endings at once. "And your—" Lily tried, "your thing…"

"My what?" James smiled against her neck, moving his attention upwards masterfully as her nails scratched down his back.

"Your… fuck," she moaned. There was no use, he had her. She unceremoniously yanked his shirt off his body, and he assisted her. The small reprieve from his talented mouth gave her a second to breathe. "Maybe you should get a fake girlfriend." James stilled within her grasp, completely speechless. Lily processed what she'd just said. "You're right, that's the dumbest thing I've ever said. Forget I ever opened my dumb mouth."

James let out a deep sigh. "Thank Merlin." He shimmied down her shorts. "Gimme that dumb mouth," he teased while claiming her lips with a scorching kiss as he dug his fingers into her bum to pull her up onto his lap. Lily clambered on eagerly.

"Because then I'd have to break her goddamn nose," she snarled.

"Fuck," James revered as he fell onto his back and pushed her naked frame further over his mouth. "It's so fucking hot when you get possessive."

"James, that's not…" But Lily never got to tell James what 'that was not.' Because his tongue had found its way into her core and he was making the absolute most of it.

Lily gasped, hovering over his face on her perched knees, trying not to grind down into her feels and smother him to death. Instead, she reached out for one of his bed pillars, squeezing it with all her might. A small part of her registered that she was literally making him five little notches on one of his bed posts with her nails, but she couldn't bring herself to care. He was getting so into eating her out that his nose was grinding against her clit as his tongue continued its crazed endeavor, dipping in and out of her, and she was about to lose it. "James…" She made the mistake of looking down and seeing his wanton expression as he went to town, viewed perfectly from between her breasts. He was loving this. She shivered involuntarily before scooting her body back to the ground and yanking his trousers off whilst she sunk in between his knees. He was as hard as steel, already dripping with a little precum.

"Hey!" he shouted almost exasperatedly as he bolted into sitting position. "I was kinda in the middle of something."

"Yeah?" She licked form the center of his balls, to the bottom of his shaft and all the way over the tip of his cock. She smiled as his breath hitched loudly. "Well, I don't bloody give a shit." She wasn't sure, but it almost looked like James was ready to come right then and there. Still grinning at him wickedly, eyes locked with his, she brought her lips over his tip slowly as both her hands wrapped around his base, beginning to tug up and down. She would never get over just how soft his skin felt here.

"Lily…" he moaned, pushing her hair out of her face.

After a few rounds of shallow bobbles, she took his length all the way to the back of her throat until her gag reflex sputtered, making her pull back but leave a nice layer of lubrication right where she wanted it. Her hands moved up and down his cock, over the tip and back, as she gave her mouth a break, perching herself up to his face.

James' jaw loosened as pleasure rippled across his features before giving her a distracted kiss. Her methodical hands were apparently thoroughly engrossing. "You're so fucking beautiful."

Lily smiled as she brought one of her hands down to beneath his balls and applied pressure in tiny circles on the small swath of skin there. She had just read about the apparent erogenous zone in her naughty book from Sirius and she was eager to test it out.

"Oh fuck, what are you doing?" James ground out through his teeth. It seemed as though he was surprised but totally into it considering how good it felt.

Lily's grin turned even more wicked. "Relax, babe," she cooed. She wrapped her lips around him once more as she worked over him, sucking and playing, bringing him to the edge of reason. His toes curled as she hummed deeply, sending vibrations through his skin.

Finally he pulled her up. "All right, all right. I surrender." He could barely breathe, let alone joke.

"Good," Lily replied as she straddled him. She was so wet that as soon as she lowered down her hips, she sheathed him, bringing his cock slowly inside of her until she was fully in his lap.

Both his hands cupped her jaw as he groaned out. As the moment, and Lily, stretched, he blurted out a heartfelt confession. "Fuck, I missed you."

Her arms wrapped around his neck. This position was turning out to be wondrous for her clit and building intimacy; every part of them couldn't be closer. "I missed you too, believe it or not," she responded arrogantly. Then her eyes caught on his right arm: his new scar still shiny and fresh, running a terrible jagged line down it. She traced it lightly and he looked over to what had distracted her.

"Just for you, babe."

She regarded him severely. She knew he was making a scar joke, but the truth of the matter was he had gotten it protecting her. And that was no laughing matter. "Does it still hurt?"

He flexed it ostentatiously, clearly showing off his bulging bicep. "Nope, good as new." He had coaxed a smile from her just as he'd intended. "Now, where were we?" His palms travelled to the back of her shoulders, holding her in place as he bucked his hips up into her. His grin went lopsided as Lily's head dropped and she moaned audaciously. "Oh right. That's what we were doing."

Lily laughed before she leaned into his ear while clenching her pelvic floor, making him hiss underneath her. "Shut the fuck up, Potter." She began to rock her hips over him back and forth, building them both up. His hands glided down her back, over her bum, and to her thighs, squeezing and caressing along the way as though making a mental map of her body while she was within his grasp. He wanted to know every dip and angle as she bounced on top of him. She held his face right before hers, inviting him to watch as he completely destroyed her in the best way possible. "James," she whimpered as she felt the telltale surge of ecstasy gathering in her core and arched her breasts into his chest, all but begging him to finish her off.

"Fuck," James groaned, embarrassed as he stilled her hips. "One second, one secondonesecondonesecond," he chanted, screwing his eyes closed. "Don't move."

Lily's eyes went wide. "You okay?"

"Yeah, bloody brilliant, sorry, it's just," he motioned over their conjoined bodies, "been a while. Just need a minute."

Understanding dawned on her face. He doesn't want to come before I do. "Oh." She wasn't upset at all, but rather pleased with herself. She leaned in and nibbled on his earlobe before trailing kisses down his neck, trying to keep her hips immobile above him.

"All right. Carry on," he whispered as his thumb came down to tease her clit. He knew he'd need to help her out if he stood any chance of outlasting her tonight.

Lily wondered if their newfound romantic affinity was making things sexier for him just as much as it was for her. She couldn't help but kiss him passionately as she resumed pumping herself over him again and again, starting to tremble as his thumb never missed its torturously delicious mark.

He broke away from her lips suddenly. "Shit Lily, I'm about to—"

But Lily didn't stop, too close to getting there herself. She grinded away, hungrily watching as his body jerked, pulling her down to him as far as she could go as he spilled himself into her. His rapture sent her over the edge, her nails digging in as she slumped against his chest, crying out. She came back down from the heavens to find James kissing her, completely wrapped in his arms.

"Let's do that more often, please."

"Okay," she muttered, still quite lost in her own happy bubble.

He chuckled, lovingly taking in every second of her bliss. "And you should always wear that outfit."

"Whatever you say," she responded, eyes sleepily shut and stretching her arms up with a big yawn.

"And you should get a tattoo with my name on it across your ass cheeks."

She cocked one eyebrow before opening just that lid. "Why ruin a perfectly fine ass?"

He hugged her even tighter to his chest. "How very right you are. What a silly idea. But the outfit suggestion still applies."

Lily snorted as she pushed off of his lap, reaching for her clothes strewn on the floor. "Unbelievable. Never enough, is it?" she said lightheartedly.

James pulled up his trunks and watched her shimmying into her shorts. "In my defense, I barely got to see you in them tonight," Lily shot him a look so he held up his hands, "not that I'm complaining! It's just I lusted over them all summer. It's nice to see them on you again."

"Mmhm." She bent over to pick up her halter top off of the floor, but this only made James groan lewdly behind her and yank her body back to him. She giggled as he quickly wrapped his blanket around them, trapping her in his bed. She rolled around to face him.

"You drive me crazy, do you know that?" he whispered, burying his face in her hair. "So, so crazy."

"I know." She snuggled closer to him, his comfortingly heavy arm around her.

He chuckled. "So did the guys mention how long they'd be gone when you so expertly got rid of them?"

"Nope."

"Shame." He eyed his bed curtains. "Would you like to stay the night?"

Her emerald eyes looked up at him sternly. "We probably shouldn't."

"Ah yes. Just like we shouldn't have resumed our fabulous love-making."

"Exactly like that," Lily grumbled with absolutely no bite.

"So…" James' feet captured hers between them, "does this whole being discreet thing mean we can't hang out at the party tomorrow?"

"What party?"

"Evans," James groaned, "the Welcome Back Gryffindor party!"

Lily made a face. "We're still doing that?"

"Of course, we're doing that. We need a little levity now more than ever."

She guessed he was right. It had been a depressing few weeks in the Wizarding World and all the teens were looking for a way to blow off some steam. "Well, I was planning on volunteering with Poppy after class," he gave her a look, "but I'm sure I'll catch the tail end. But yes." She placed both her hands on his chest. "I still think it's smartest if we don't make a public scene or anything. Let everyone who had suspicions about us think we fizzled out or something."

James reached to her neck and fiddled with her necklace, delicately fingering the heart he'd given her. "Okay." She strained her face up to kiss his chin. "Just don't get mad if I get hit on by all the ladies," he joked lightly.

"You'd love it if I got mad." Her eyes twinkled.

"I really, really would."

Next Chapter: You Can't Save Everyone

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