Under normal circumstances, Naruto might have, upon seeing Utakata for the first time, noted that he looked very similar to how Sasuke might well look like as an adult. With long, dark hair falling over his left eye, a calm and graceful appearance, and long blue kimono, he looked kinda cool, Naruto would have thought with some envy.

But these weren't normal circumstances. Utakata's face – unhealthily pale – shone with beads of sweat. Little globs of crimson chakra dripped, dripped, dripped to the ground from under his kimono, withering and smoking the green grass.

"Hotaru, who are these people?" he asked. "Didn't you fetch the herbs?"

"You must be a jinchuuriki, Utakata-san," said Han. "The Rokubi jinchuuriki?"

Utakata's exhausted face gave way to a deer in headlights expression. "How – "

"We're jinchuuriki too, Utakata-san!" Naruto beamed. "We're gonna help you get better and then we can get out of here!"

"What? You're all jinchuuriki?"

"That's right," said Yugito. "It looks there's some kind of problem with the seal that's containing your bijuu. Isn't that right, B?"

"Indeed, that's right," B rapped. "The seal is loose and we'll have to make it tight, and then he'll be all right."

"Can you explain that without rhymes, su?" asked Fuu.

Yugito gazed at the globs of red chakra. "How did this happen to you, Utakata-san? We Kumo jinchuuriki know quite a bit about seals, but this is the first time I've ever seen anything like this."

Utakata began coughing, and Hotaru handed him a glass of water. "It's – cough – been happening for the past few days." He gulped down the water. "I don't know why."

"Show us your seal, then maybe we can figure out what's wrong with it," Yugito said.

Utakata undid the upper part of his kimono, exposing the seal inked onto his belly. Black ink bled into red chakra and spilled onto the ground.

B let out a low whistle. "That's one messed up seal, ya fool."

"How...how could this have happened to you, Utakata-san?" Naruto asked.

He couldn't help but be reminded of his training trip with Ero-sennin. They were working to control the Kyuubi chakra within him, and Ero-sennin had Gerotora from Mount Myoboku unwind the seal a bit.

Naruto only remembered the sound of an earth-shattering blast and his mind turning a blank red before waking up battered and bandaged.

Was this something like that?

A snort came from within his stomach.

"Typical humans," Kurama's voice boomed. "They try to chain us and use us for their own benefit, and then it backfires."

"Huh?"

Naruto was back in his mind, standing in the gloom surrounding the Kyuubi's cage. Red eyes stared at him malevolently. He pinched himself, hard, and was brought back into the real world.

"My master...Harusame...tried to remove Saiken from my body, years ago, but he was unsuccessful...he didn't want Kirigakure to use us as their weapon. I don't know why it's only acting up now, though," Utakata was saying.

Yugito stroked her chin. "Well, I suppose we could fix it if it's a simple problem. B, take a look at the seal and tell me what you think."

Killer B peered at the red-black chakra ink dripping from Utakata's abdomen. "It's not our Iron Armor Seal, but a whole other deal."

"I think it's a Nine Halls Seal, unique among the fuuinjutsu masters of Kirigakure," Yugito said thoughtfully. "Is that right, Utakata-san?"

"Yes," Utakata said. "You seem to know a lot about sealing, um..."

"Nii Yugito, jinchuuriki of the Nibi, Matatabi," she supplied. "Learning about these things was part of my detestable jinchuuriki training. But at least I gained a new friend out of the bijuu super weapon nonsense."

Matatabi purred in agreement.

"I think your master's tampering with the seal messed up the flow of energy in your body. B and I should be able to fix it, but your bijuu's chakra has been drained. It'll take an extremely long time to replace, and I don't know where we'll get enough chakra to replace it – " Yugito continued.

"I'll do it!"

Everyone turned to stare at Naruto. Even the bijuu started in surprise.

"W-what?" they all spluttered.

Naruto's eyes were burning with determination.

He, the future Hokage, would fix this. And then give Utakata some ramen, the magic bullet.

He would prove the Kyuubi wrong.

"Kakashi, any idea when our students might be coming back?" asked Asuma.

"No idea," he replied, taking a bite of dango and chewing, despite never even removing his mask, as far as Asuma could see.

"Kurenai, that has to be a genjutsu. Tell me that was a genjutsu," he implored, fixing Kakashi's face with an intent stare.

"It isn't," Kurenai muttered. "I think he's just removing the mask much faster than our eyes can see."

"THAT'S my rival!" Guy yelled proudly (everyone winced; what was it with Guy and no indoor voices?). "It's all because of our rivalry battles that he's improved his mask-removing speed so drastically. When we were kids, I remember actually seeing his whole face during our eating contests!"

Kurenai and Asuma gaped. "Wait, Guy, you've seen Kakashi's face?" they asked in unison.

"Anyway," Kakashi interjected, eager to turn the topic away from his mask. "My genin team is full of such problem kids, right?"

He smiled, feeling an odd sense of pride as he gazed down at Naruto's bingo book entry.

1,000,000,000 ryo...not bad, not bad at all, for the "Chopsticks Master of Konoha."

"Why does he have a kabuki actor photo?" Kurenai asked.

Asuma sighed. "That idiot...Konohamaru saw that and went and copied it on his ninja registration form. Because Naruto is his rival. Or something."

"Speaking of that, Asuma, please tell your nephew to stop asking me if we're secretly married – "

"There you are, Kakashi-sensei! I've been looking for you for weeks."

Kakashi jumped. Oh no. It was Teuchi of Ichiraku. A person he'd been studiously avoiding ever since he'd read Naruto's "note." He'd been hanging around in Tsunade-sama's office and helping her write letters to the other Kage, asking them not to declare a Five Kage Summit (or a war). That tedium was nothing compared to impatient store-owners wanting their money back.

"Naruto owes me three thousand ryo, and he hasn't come back yet. As his sensei, you must – "

Kakashi felt a rare flash of irritation.

I'm so gonna get you back for this, Naruto.

It was time to make Yamato grow Naruto's plants to a massive size, then plant them in the living room so that his house would become a jungle.

Konoha's Number One Unpredictable Ninja wasn't the only one who could pull off a good prank.

Kakashi eye-smiled.

A million miles away, Naruto felt a shiver run down his spine.

A/N: As always, thanks for the reviews, ThisIsStorm101, Jac Frust, RedFistCannon, and Lampre8.

I needed a way to make Naruto and Kurama become friends, and it needed to be plausible too...so voila. Naruto helping a sick bijuu.

And Naruto screwing up stuff in Konoha without even being there, yeah, that was fun to write. There needs to be little doses of crack in every chapter. And AsuKure, very cute but very underrated couple. :)

Edit: BadReader found it confusing to figure out who was speaking, so I made some slight edits (I think maybe you were confused by who was speaking when Naruto offered to help Saiken?). Anyway, I fixed it and hope it's clear now.