I can't pretend that I ain't been through hell...

One Month Later

Barney ached all over as he exited his plane. It had been almost a month since he and the boys had left for their second mission so soon after the first one they finished, and he had never felt so good at seeing home again. Maybe Lee had a point. Maybe they were getting too old for this shit.

"Never thought I'd be so happy as to see this shithole again," Doc commented, looking around at Barney's hangar.

"This shithole has feelings," Barney retorted, walking past him.

"Barney, let's never do that again," Caesar said, following him. He had a limp from an attack he had survived. It was a miracle they had even made it home.

"It's what we signed up for, gentlemen," Barney called over his shoulder. Toll and Gunner were in the back, carrying their weapons cache.

"Almost getting eaten by a tiger was absolutely NOT what I signed up for," Doc grimaced.

"I got you out of there, didn't I?" Barney asked.

"Just barely," Doc muttered. He could still smell the cat's breath, see the cat's eyes inches from his own. It had been terrifying.

They all stopped short when they caught sight of Lee standing inside the hangar, waiting for them.

"Well, well, well," Barney said. "Look who missed the action."

"I didn't miss it at all by the looks of all of you," Lee pointed out. Toll had scratches and a black eye, Gunner had new cuts on his arms and neck, Doc looked as though he could stab someone at any moment from paranoia, and Caesar had his limp plus his arm was in a sling. Barney looked relatively okay aside from blood on his clothes.

Toll and Gunner moved to set down their weapons. Caesar went to sit. Doc went to the bathroom to be alone. Barney moved towards Lee.

"What's going on?" he asked. "I can see it in your face."

"I've been trying to call," Lee answered.

"Well, I was kind of busy not getting killed," Barney snorted. "So tell me now. What's up?"

"Frank Duggan is alive," Lee told him. This had the attention of the others, and they stood quietly, waiting for more.

"What?" Barney asked. "No way. I blew his head off myself."

"That was Lyle Duggan, Frank's brother. Frank is now watching all of us, particularly you," Lee explained. "Because you killed his brother."

"Fabulous," Barney said sarcastically. He went to take off his guns and other gear, setting them on the table with a bang.

"The FBI agent, Evan, is also undercover and back in Duggan's gang."

"Are you shitting me?"

"I'm not. His boss confirmed. Apparently Jimmy was the real dirty FBI agent. Evan was taking him and the detective down when the mess happened."

"He was there when Jimmy and April died, was he not?"

"Yea, but he says April was a lot worse of a person than we thought, and he was trying to get Hope and take her to a safe house when she ran away and found me."

"You're giving me a headache, man," Barney complained.

"Sorry."

Barney sighed as he sat down beside Caesar, who was rubbing his leg absently. Toll and Gunner came to stand next to him. Doc was still in the bathroom. Lee thought he could hear retching, but he wasn't entirely sure.

"So we can't even come home without some asshole wanting to kill us," Barney said after a moment.

"Seems that way."

"Has there been any movement?"

"Not yet. According to Evan, they're planning on making another shipment in a month or two."

"Hmm. Okay."

"What's your plan?" Lee asked, looking at Barney and crossing his arms.

"When I know, you'll know," Barney answered.

"It's good to see you, man," Toll said when no one else spoke for a moment. "How's Hope?"

"She's good. Misses you guys for whatever reason," Lee joked.

"We'll swing by soon...say hello," Toll said with a smile. Gunner nodded too.

"Just watch yourselves," Lee instructed as he tapped the table and went to leave. Barney sat there thinking long and hard once everyone started moving around and doing their own thing. Tool's place was still being rebuilt, so they were staying in various motel rooms for now. Only Doc stayed with Barney at his hangar. He emerged then, and Barney looked over at him. He didn't look good at all.

"Air sick?" he asked. Doc shook his head and didn't answer. He went off outside. Barney pulled out a cigar and lit it. Sometimes that helped give him an idea for something.

Two Days Later

Kate felt very triumphant as she stood in her room all by herself with no nurses and no bars to hang on to. Two months she had been doing physio, and it was paying off. She took a step and then another. Dr. Sanchez warned she wasn't to run a marathon yet or return to work, but she could finally go home. She had to keep doing physio, but she was in a place where she could be independent finally.

"Ready to bust out of here?" Lee asked, coming into her room. He was just as eager to bring her home. Thankfully, Duggan hadn't come near him. There had been no strange cars parked outside his place or odd activity. It really was Barney who Duggan was after. That didn't mean Lee was going to relax his security, though.

"You have no idea," she answered. He picked up her small bag for her and went to put an arm around her waist.

"After you," he said.

"Why thank you," she smiled. "I know you really just want to watch my butt from behind."

"You know me too well," he grinned.

"Okay," Nurse Ginny said, entering. "You are officially discharged. Go and have a wonderful life, Kate."

"Thank you," Kate smiled. She walked ahead, and Lee went to follow when Ginny cleared her throat meaningfully. He stopped and looked at her, confused.

"Did I forget something?" he asked. She gave a small smile.

"You really don't recognize me, do you?" she questioned. Lee's mind raced, trying to place her, but it couldn't.

"I'm sorry," he shook his head. "I don't."

"It's all right. You were pretty wasted. I'd be astounded if you remembered anything from that night," Ginny said. Something clicked in Lee's brain then, and he suddenly flashed to an image of kissing a red head and trying to forget about his heartache.

"It's you," he said.

"Yea," she nodded.

"Not Debbie," he said dumbly.

"Nope. Ginny."

"I'm sorry..." he said again.

"It was just as much my fault as yours," Ginny shrugged. "Is that her? The girl who broke your heart?" She gestured to the hallway where Kate had gone.

"Yea," he nodded.

"She's lucky you forgave her."

"It had just been a big misunderstanding," Lee explained. "We sorted it out."

"And you never stopped loving her, right?" Ginny asked.

"How did you know?"

"Because you couldn't do it," Ginny replied. "That night. You said you couldn't do it when you were still in love with her."

"Wait," Lee said, holding up a hand. "So we...we didn't?"

"No!" Ginny laughed. "God, no! You bailed on me. It was so embarrassing for me, but I shouldn't have worried cos apparently you didn't even remember that nothing happened."

"Lee?" Kate asked, sticking her head in then. "Everything okay?"

"Yea," Lee answered. "Just answering some questions."

"Okay."

Ginny waited for Kate to disappear again before smiling at Lee.

"I'm sorry I was so grouchy with you. I just felt annoyed about that night all over again and even more annoyed you didn't remember me."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop staying that," she scolded. "It's fine. I was young and dumb, and I'm over it. I'm married with three kids now. Don't worry about it."

"What are the odds?" Lee asked. "You being here right now?"

"Life is funny," Ginny shrugged. "Now, go. You got a second chance. Not many people get that. Go enjoy it."

"Thanks," Lee smiled. She smiled back. Then he walked out the door, took Kate's hand in his, and they went out together into the world.

...

"I'm so excited," Hope said. She was helping Caesar put the finishing touches on the cake for Kate. They were celebrating her finally coming home from the hospital. Barney had set up his hangar as best as he could. The kitchen was small, but there was room for a table and chairs alongside the gas cans and other mechanical tools Barney had lying around. It would have to do until Tool's place was back up and running.

"I imagine she still has a lot of recovery to do," Caesar noted as he fussed. He liked things perfect.

"Yea, but she's home, which is important."

"She's staying for sure? Doesn't she live in like Alaska or something?"

"Arizona," Hope corrected, exasperated. "And I think so. She mentioned she would like to stay."

Caesar said nothing else. He didn't want to get Hope upset, but he had a feeling Kate wasn't going to stick around. Maybe he was wrong, but how could someone just uproot their life and move just like that?

"All right," Gunner said, rubbing his hands as he came into the kitchen. "Food."

"No," Caesar said abruptly, pointing a finger at Gunner and making him hold up his hands. "No touchy."

"But I'm starvin', man. Come on," Gunner complained.

"We wait for Kate," Caesar said. He went to check on his steaks, leaving Hope and Gunner unattended in the kitchen. Gunner reached to take a piece of cheese from the tray on the counter.

"You won't rat me out?" he asked Hope, looking at her.

"Nope," she replied.

"Thanks."

"How was your trip?" she asked then. Gunner finished chewing and swallowing before clearing his throat.

"Not good," he answered honestly. He knew Toll was doing some extra therapy sessions because of it. He would be very surprised if Doc hadn't gone to talk to someone too.

"But you all made it home," she said. "So it ended well."

"It could have ended very bad, Hope," Gunner said seriously. Caesar returned by this point, and he caught Gunner's hand reaching for a second piece of cheese.

"Damn, man! What's wrong with you?" he asked, irritated. He went to stab Gunner's hand with his fork, and Gunner snatched it back and retreated before Caesar murdered him.

"Traitor," Caesar said to Hope, who giggled.

"I don't take sides," she commented, taking a piece of cheese herself and skipping out of there before Caesar could yell at her. She went to sit by Tool, who was designing a new tattoo. She offered her opinion while he drew.

"He better not be late," Caesar called to them.

"He'll be here," Barney assured him. He reached for his phone then to text Lee. He didn't feel like getting murdered by Caesar either.

...

"Where is Hope?" Kate asked when they got to his apartment. He set her bag down on the chair and pulled her into his arms.

"She's with the boys," he answered, kissing her.

"Was that planned?" she asked when they paused.

"Sort of."

Kate relished his lips on hers, but something was niggling at her brain, which prevented her from moving forward with it. She gently pushed him back.

"Too soon?" he asked.

"I just...you know I have to go back, right? To Arizona?"

Lee felt this hit him in the chest hard. He had hoped she wouldn't bring that up just yet.

"Right," he nodded slowly, releasing her.

Kate didn't know what to say. She had been doing a lot of thinking the past two months about their relationship. Maybe she was crazy for thinking they could just pick up where they left off, but it was appearing that Lee had been thinking they could too just by his reaction now.

"It won't be for a bit," she said. "I have to get physio set up there first." Lee sighed and looked at her.

"So, what? We play house for a bit and then you leave? I send Hope to Arizona for the weekends? Or she lives with you and I see her once a month?" he asked.

Kate hated all of those scenarios. She fiddled with her fingers momentarily, thinking. She didn't want to be far away from Hope or Lee. She didn't want to separate Hope from Lee either. The more she thought, the more it became clear what to do.

"Well, what about us, then?" she asked. "What do you see happening here?"

"Well, I thought we had established that we were still nuts about each other," he answered. "I guess I just assumed we would figure it out."

Kate was already thinking of next steps. She moved a bit closer to him.

"I could ask for a transfer," she said.

"You want to?"

"This place has a certain type of charm to it," Kate said, reaching to unzip his jacket slowly. Her right hand still gave her some issues, but it was better than before.

"Charm, huh?" he asked as she pulled the jacket off and let it fall to the floor.

"Yea," she nodded, hooking her fingers into the loops of his jeans and pulling him to her. "I could make it work."

"So what are you saying?" he asked as she looked at him. He was holding onto her waist now.

"I'm saying my trip to Arizona would be a short one," she answered. "I pack up my stuff and come back here. Unless you'd rather do long distance."

"I hate long distance," he murmured as she moved to kiss his neck slowly.

"Me too," she whispered in his ear. He moved suddenly to lift her up into his arms, making her exclaim before laughing. She placed her hands on his face as he kissed her deeply.

His phone went off, making him groan.

"Just leave it," she urged.

"It's Barney," Lee sighed, setting her down. The text was asking him where the "F" he was and that Caesar was soon going on a manhunt.

"What?" she asked.

"Your celebratory dinner is almost ready," he answered. "Before I get shot, we should go."

"Aw they made me dinner?" she asked. Lee put his jacket back on, wishing they'd had more time. He was supposed to just drop off her things and take her right there, but he'd dallied.

"That's what they do," he explained.

"We will have time later," she promised.

"So does that mean you don't want me sleeping on the couch? I wasn't sure," Lee said. She kissed him again.

"The couch is for those who are in trouble," she answered. "You are most definitely not in trouble."

"Not yet," he joked. She playfully smacked him as he laughed, heading out the door.

"You're gonna take me on a proper date first right?" she asked as he helped her into the truck.

"Of course," he replied with a grin.

"Tomorrow night?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

He shut her door and went around to his side, getting in. She was looking at him, and it took everything he had not to take her right back out and back inside.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she answered. "I just feel happy for once, you know? I haven't felt truly happy in a long time."

"Me either," he admitted. His phone went off again. There was knife and gun emojis in the text now. Kate laughed.

"You better hurry up before I have to start planning your funeral," she teased. Lee heaved a sarcastic sigh and started his truck, put it in gear, and drove over to where everyone was waiting for them.

...

Hope rushed to hug her mother as soon as she came inside. Kate wrapped her arm around Hope's shoulders tightly and held her close. She was grateful every day that Hope wasn't angry at her for giving her up, that she had forgiven her.

"She looks good," Barney said as Hope and Kate went to assist Caesar, who was running around cooking now.

"Yea. She's worked extremely hard to get here," Lee replied.

"Medical Miracle eh? And you were worried she would never walk again."

"It was a possibility," Lee said. "The doctor is even marveling at how much progress she had made in the last two months."

"She gonna be staying or leaving?" Barney asked. It was something they had discussed a couple of times recently.

"She seems to want to stay," he answered.

"That's good, right?"

"Yea. I was worrying for nothing."

"Do not ruin this one, okay?" Barney asked, his finger in Lee's face. "She's perfect for you."

"Glad to see I finally got your blessing," Lee said sarcastically.

"I was right about Lacy wasn't I? Once a cheater, always a cheater."

"Don't quote 'Friends' at me."

"Rachel had a point."

"Ross never cheated again, did he?"

"I dunno. The show ended."

Lee rolled his eyes, annoyed at his friend again.

"Some people don't cheat again," he said.

"Lacy wasn't one of them," Barney countered. "Look, I know it pisses you off that you didn't catch on, that you trusted her, but when you're in a relationship, you trust because you shouldn't have a reason not to. You weren't wrong to try to trust her again. She just blew it."

"Can we stop talking about her please?"

"Did she give you the ring back?"

Lee gritted his teeth at this. No, Lacy had not given him his ring back, but he didn't care. She could keep it.

"Hot and ready," Toll said, coming over with plates of food. "Tuck in before Gunner gets here."

"Hey," Gunner said, mocking outrage. "I'm hungry."

"We all are," Doc said, appearing suddenly. He looked exhausted.

"What the hell happened over there?" Lee asked, noticing.

"I don't want to talk about it," Doc answered. He took a plate and loaded it before disappearing again. Lee shared a look with Barney, who made the "I'll talk to him later" face back. Tool put down his doodling and joined Barney at the table. Caesar came with the meat followed by Kate and Hope carrying beverages. Lee noticed Kate was using her left arm and hand more than her right. She sat down beside him after setting the beer bottles on the table. Hope sipped her ice tea, looking at everyone.

"Dig in, dig in," Caesar gestured.

"You're not gonna stab me with a fork this time?" Gunner asked.

"I might anyway just cos you're a pain in my ass."

Kate was enjoying the banter. She was used to being in a male dominated space at work, but this felt different. It was more like a close, bickering type family that would die for each other. She caught Lee watching her as she cut her steak. She knew he was concerned about her hand. She had done well with it from following exercises and practising. It sometimes would freeze or give out on her, but not always.

"Caesaaaaaar," Toll groaned as he ate. "Damn, man, what did you put on these? It's melting in my mouth!"

"Family secret," Caesar replied, shoveling potatoes into his mouth.

"We can get it out of ya," Tool commented.

"You can try," Caesar snorted. Barney and Tool looked at each other with raised brows.

"Challenge accepted," Barney snickered.

"I've already been shot, all right?"

"There it is!" Toll said, holding out his hand to Gunner. "Ten bucks, please."

Gunner reluctantly dug around for his cash and slapped it in Toll's hand.

"Excuse me? You two are placing bets on me now?" Caesar asked, outraged.

"You're predictable, man," Toll replied.

Kate picked up her knife again, and she knew her hand was going to give her trouble. She could sense it. Sure enough, it let go of the knife, letting it clatter on the plate. She felt heat on her cheeks as heads turned to look at her.

"Excuse me," she said, getting up. It was stupid to get upset over it, but she could feel tears coming on. She headed for the door and as soon as she was outside, she leaned against the wall, breathing hard and trying to stop herself from crying. It was just a stupid knife. That was all. It didn't stop her from getting angry at herself all over again for letting this injury happen to her in the first place. She buried her face in her hands.

"You all right?"

She snapped her head up, seeing Doc standing in front of her. His plate was now empty, and he was heading back for seconds.

"I'm fine," she nodded.

"You know, the shit that happens to us, it doesn't make us weak," Doc went on. "How we deal with it is what matters."

"I'm not dealing with it very well sometimes," Kate admitted.

"It happens. That's okay. It's what friends are for," Doc gestured as a burst of laughter came through the open window.

"Then why are you hiding out here?" she asked. He shifted on his feet before deciding he could trust her.

"Every time I close my eyes, all I see is that damn tiger," he said. "It was their idea of disposing of people. I was seconds away from being ripped to shreds when Barney showed up. That tiger died because it was in the wrong place at the wrong time and handled by the wrong type of people. It didn't deserve that life or that death."

"You're mad at Barney for killing it," Kate noted.

"Yea. Kind of," Doc nodded.

"But you would be dead if he hadn't."

"That's the torment, right?" Doc sighed. "If I had been better at my job, I wouldn't have been in that position at all. I'll get through it. I've gotten through a lot worse."

"Talk to Barney about it," Kate encouraged. "He seems like the type you can tell this stuff to."

"I know. I'll get there," Doc nodded again. "Don't beat yourself up, girl, for being caught off guard and given hell in return. It happens to all of us."

He went inside then, and Kate knew he had a point. She was working up to going back in when Lee appeared.

"You all right?" he asked. He went to stand and lean against the wall beside her.

"I'm all right," she answered. "Just...needed some air."

He reached to take her right hand in his own and held it tightly.

"No one thinks anything of it," he promised.

"I know. I just feel like an invalid sometimes, you know? Can't even cut up my own damn food," she tried to laugh. Then she grew somber. "If I can't do that simple task, how am I ever going to fire a gun again?"

"Kate..."

"Seriously! My career is as good as over. I'll be a desk junkie doing analyst work or something like that," she sighed. "Might as well run a cheese grater down my face every day for the rest of my life."

"So learn how to shoot left handed," Lee suggested. She shot him a look.

"Since when are you Mr. Positivity?" she asked.

"I just hide it really well," he shrugged, grinning. "Come on. Let's worry about this another day."

He put his arm around her and guided her back inside. No one said anything as they rejoined the table.

"I'm telling you," Caesar was saying. "I can do it with my eyes closed."

"Prove it," Gunner said.

"Fifty bucks says he blows it," Toll said.

"You're on," Gunner replied.

Kate caught sight of Doc now sitting with them, and he met her eyes. He gave a slight nod and a small smile. She was glad he had decided to join them after all. She knew what it was like to carry pain alone. She looked at Lee, who was laughing at Caesar's attempt to juggle with his eyes closed. He had no idea about Alejandro or what happened to her in Mexico. She didn't know if she would ever tell him. What was the point in getting him upset about something that was in the past?

"Hey, Mum," Hope said. "Dad mentioned he was taking you on a date tomorrow night."

"Yes," Kate nodded, smiling. "What of it?"

"We need to go shopping," Hope answered, growing excited. "I've always wanted to a mother and daughter shopping spree."

Kate felt bad that April hadn't been the best mother to Hope. She felt bad all over again for not just keeping Hope. Then again, she had been 18. Would she have done any better?

"Let's do it," she agreed. Hope bounced in her chair, thrilled.

"Ooohhh!" Toll shouted and laughed as Caesar spectacularly dropped the three things he was juggling before catching any of them. Gunner groaned and handed over more money to Toll as Caesar went on about how the items had grown slippery somehow.

Kate had a feeling she had made the right choice, that she was really going to like it here.