Draco couldn't seem to calm his thumping heart as he and Theo made the walk back to the eighth year common room, hands laced together. Draco was positive he was sweating. He felt as though he were on display, however ridiculous the notion may have seemed. He almost felt like Theo's property. The idea had Draco's stomach doing somersaults because he didn't know if he liked it or not.

"Something on your mind?" Theo's gentle voice pulled him from his thoughts.

Draco looked at him as they walked. He held onto Theo's hand tighter as he talked. "Just this. Us."

Theo smiled, and it warmed Draco's heart. For years it seemed, he had done nothing but make people worry and frown over him. Making somebody smile felt like the first fresh dewdrops on the delicate blossoms of spring. It rejuvenated him.

"C'mere." Theo pressed a chaste kiss onto his temple. Draco's chest fluttered. He wasn't used to such blatant affection.

"You alright?" Theo asked him.

"I've never done this before," Draco told him point-blank.

"I know."

"I don't know what I'm doing."

"Neither do I, really. I may be . . . erm, experienced, but I don't know the first thing about a relationship. I just know I really fancy you, have for a while."

"You weren't subtle about it."

Theo blushed. "You didn't know how much of a tease you were."

"Oh, I did."

"So you think we could figure this thing out together? You and me?"

Draco squeezed his hand instead of answering. He rubbed circles on Theo's thumb. But he should have known that wouldn't be enough to placate him.

"Gonna need you to start eating again, though."

Draco's hand slacked in Theo's grip. He stopped walking, turning to face Theo.

"It isn't that easy."

"I know."

"I don't think you do."

"Not personally, no. But there are ways to get better. Take it as slow as you need. Small meals, as long as you're eating something. Salazar, Draco, when I stopped seeing you in the Great Hall I didn't know what to do. I was a big baby and let my feelings get in the way when you were clearly struggling."

Draco sighed. He really didn't want to have this emotionally taxing conversation right now, when they were on their way to see Pansy and Blaise for even more emotionally taxing conversation. But he slipped his hand back into Theo's anyway, and pulled him along to continue walking. He wanted to get this conversation with Pansy and Blaise over with, because his anxiety was killing him.

"You were hurting. I hurt you. I treated you awfully after we . . . y'know, and you deserved to feel how you felt."

"I misunderstood you. I thought you were ashamed of me. I didn't even think about Potter."

"I was never ashamed of you," Draco admitted quietly. "Theo, I think I really like you."

"You think?"

Draco smirked. "Shut up."

"I never formally apologized to you about forgetting to use protection," Theo said quietly as they walked.

Draco tensed. It had been just as much his fault as Theo's, but he understood why Theo felt responsible.

"How many people have you fucked?" he asked instead.

Theo blanched from the sheer bluntness of the question. "Merlin, Draco, I dunno, er, like five? Six?"

"Six?"

"Didn't realize this was turning into a lecture," Theo mumbled crossly.

"It's not. I think I have the right to know after you fucked me unprotected."

Theo sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry, Draco."

Draco shook his head. "I was so caught up in all my, erm . . . feelings, the way you were treating me, that I completely forgot."

"You make it easy to forget," said Theo. "You make it so damn easy."

They received a few stares on their way back to the common room, but neither boy paid the perpetrators any mind. In fact, Theo shot daggers into one girl's eyes as he pressed another kiss onto Draco's temple. Draco had promptly blushed.

By the time they reached the common room, Draco's heart rate had heightened unhealthily. Sweat pooled in his palms, and he felt the first tendrils of panic claw at his chest.

"Hey." Theo let go of his hand and held onto Draco's shoulders. "Look at me."

Draco looked.

"It will be okay. I won't let them hurt you anymore."

"It's not that simple, Theo," he said, somewhat breathlessly.

"Just breathe for a second, alright?" Theo steered him into the wall, letting him lean back. "In and out, just like this. Watch me."

He drew in a deep breath, held it for four seconds, and slowly released it.

How had Theo known he was on the verge of a panic attack? Draco needed to hide his tells better; this was humiliating. Nonetheless, Draco mimicked the action and breathed deeply, slowly. He would not admit that he immediately felt better, calmer.

"Good. Again."

Draco rolled his eyes. Was Theo kidding? Apparently not, for Theo said in response, "Don't roll your eyes at me, Draco. Just do it."

Draco drew in another breath, this one deeper than the last. He held for four seconds, just as Theo had, then he slowly released it.

"Good. Is that better?"

Draco glared, before nodding ever so slightly.

"Are you ready to go inside?"

"Yes."

Theo looked at him as though he didn't believe him. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this right now if you aren't ready, Draco."

"We need to," said Draco, eyes widening. "Theo, they hate me, and if I don't do it now then I'll never-"

"They acted like they hated you because they were scared. They don't know how to help you."

"I don't need their help."

"Maybe not theirs."

Draco's face hardened into a practised stone mask. "We aren't having this conversation right now."

"Fine. We won't. But if you go in there thinking they won'taddress the issue of you needing help, you're a fool."

"They had their chance to help me. They wasted it."

"Please, Draco, hear them out. At least Pansy. If you don't want to talk to Blaise today, I understand that."

"I-I dunno if I can face him," Draco confessed quietly, heart doing little spurts again. He felt his breathing pick back up. "He-He s-said, he said-"

"What? What did he say, Draco?"

"He . . . said I don't have a soul."

Theo's face darkened. "I remember Pansy telling me that. I just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything else. She told me Blaise said he was angry, that he didn't mean it."

Draco took words to heart. In his book, if someone said something to him, they meant it. Out of anger or otherwise.

"Oh," was all he said.

"Oh?"

"You two are close. I hurt you. He had the right to be angry at me."

"But, Draco, you aren't eating, and he knew-"

"Guess we'll have to see if he'll own up to it, won't we?" Draco asked flippantly.

"I'm beginning to think this isn't such a good idea," said Theo. "I'm angry with Blaise now, properly angry, and I honestly want to hit him for even thinking of saying that to you."

"Theo, please. Don't."

Theo cupped Draco's cheeks, speaking against his lips. "He hurt you," he said darkly. "That makes me want to hurt him."

"I hurt you," Draco choked out. "Wouldn't that make you want to hurt me?"

Theo shook his head, keeping his hands where they were. "Never, Draco, never would I want to hurt you. Those things I said . . . I was so vile, so cruel. You had just thrown me under the Midnight Bus, and I was so hurt I didn't mean a single thing. I did want to hurt you then, as you had hurt me. But that was wrong. You hadn't meant to hurt me, you were just scared. Draco, I swear it, I will never hurt you again."

"Never?" Draco breathed, all air in his lungs gone from their closeness. "That's a big word."

"Mean it." Theo pressed his lips to Draco's, and held them there for a long moment. Draco trembled. When Theo's lips parted from his own, he gasped for breath.

"You don't know how responsive you are to my touch," Theo said quietly against his lips. "Drives me crazy."

Draco felt the early onsets of arousal stir in the pit of his gut. Now was not the time. They were about to have a serious conversation with people that may or may not still be his friends. He needed to ground himself.

"Later," Draco settled on, gently and with all the willpower he could muster pushing Theo off. "Trust me, I want you, too. I want to do what we did, again. But later."

Theo's eyes darkened. "Forget the conversation. Pansy deserves to wallow in her misery longer. I want you now."

"Theo . . . I built up the courage to come here. It wasn't easy for me. We need to do this now."

Theo sighed, grasping Draco's hand in his own, bringing his knuckles up to his lips and lightly kissing each one. "You're right. We can do this now," he murmured into his knuckle, vibrations shooting up Draco's arm.

"Okay."

Theo gently placed down Draco's wrist and flashed a smile at him. "After you, handsome."

Draco flushed, but obeyed all the same.

"Follow me," Theo murmured into his ear as they walked inside. Theo led him toward the back, where a tear-streaked Pansy sat by herself, arms wrapped around her torso. Blaise sat in the chair next to her, expression stoic.

"Pansy." Draco noticed Theo averted from calling her by her nickname, also noted the harshness of his tone.

Pansy flinched at him, but her eyes widened to the size of quarters when she saw Draco. She stood up.

"Draco . . . Can I talk to you in private?"

"No," said Theo. He took Draco's hand and laced it in his, for them both to clearly see. "Anything you have to say to Draco, you can say in front of me."

Blaise stood up and approached the pair. "Mate . . ."

"Don't 'mate' me. I'm not finished with you," Theo growled.

Pansy frowned. "I'm trying really hard to reign in my excitement for you guys, because I know now is not the time."

"You'd be right about that. A few things need to happen first, don't you think?" said Theo.

Pansy lowered her head.

"Draco isn't well," said Blaise. Draco flinched. Theo gripped his hand tighter. "He needs help, and we can't give it to him."

"You wouldn't know; you didn't even try, did you?" Theo challenged him.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here, Blaise," said Draco coldly. Blaise glared at him.

"Alright, Draco," Blaise seethed. "I understand sixth year, but I cannot think of one good enough reason you had to stop eating this time. Our reaction to you wasn't that off base, you know. You really hurt Theo."

"I know I hurt him. And as to why I stopped eating, I couldn't help it," said Draco. "I don't know how to make it stop."

"You always reject our attempts to help you," said Pansy. "It makes us think you don't want to get better."

"That's not true, Pansy."

"Your actions paint a different story."

"Draco was a different person, then," said Theo. "War changed us all, now, didn't it?"

Pansy frowned. "Please, can I talk to Draco alone?"

"Absolutely not," Theo said at the same time Draco said "Yes."

Draco and Theo looked at each other.

"Surely I don't need to ask you for permission to let me speak to her, do I?"

"If she thinks I'm letting you out of my sight right now she's mad."

"Theo. Please."

Theo sighed, and his grip on Draco's hand slackened. "Fine."

Draco smiled softly at him, and pressed a kiss on his cheek as a thank-you.

Flushing, Theo let go of him.

"Let's sit over here." Pansy led him to a few chairs in front of the fire. Draco was surprised they could score these; usually, the chairs by the fire were always taken.

They sat across from each other. Pansy had a look in her eyes Draco couldn't quite detect. It unnerved him.

"Draco. I don't know what to say."

"I can't help you there."

Pansy sighed. "I was too harsh with you in the kitchens. And here, when we last talked one on one."

"Harsh?" Draco mocked savagely. "You're too hard on yourself, Pans."

"Stop it. Please." Pansy's eyes were glistening. Why did she keep insisting on crying over him? Surely he wasn't that important to her?

"Pansy, your eyes." The words came out weak.

"Oh." Pansy gingerly wiped them. "Sorry. I'm just . . . Really worried. About you."

"I've gotten that much. Telling me I starve myself for attention really sealed the deal for me, y'know, really hit that point home."

"I shouldn't have cut you off when you were trying to explain your side," Pansy began, Draco's ice cold sarcasm rolling right off her. "That was my first mistake."

"Oh, so we're admitting to making multiple mistakes, are we?"

"Draco."

Draco, unable to stop himself, put his head in his fist as though he were genuinely thinking. "Seems as though you've got two brain cells left to rub together, then."

"Draco . . ."

"How about when you threw my apology right back in my face and said I enjoyed being the victim?" Draco leaned forward. "Loved that."

Pansy sighed. "You aren't gonna make this easy for me, are you."

"Do I ever?"

"Draco, seeing you like that . . . it reminded me of sixth year, when you pushed me away, and it made us angry. Angry that we couldn't help you then, and scared that we can't now."

"You sure had a funny way of showing it. Immediately taking his side without even properly coming to me. What the fuck, Pansy?"

"You really hurt him. We all knew he liked you. I've been dropping you hints for years, but for some reason you brushed them all off. I never knew why you pushed him away after I caught you guys in the broom closet; he was crazy about you."

"I found him with someone else," Draco admitted quietly. "And before you ask, he told me why he went to someone else. He thought that me running away meant I was walking out forever."

"Sure seemed that way, if I'm being honest," said Pansy. "Just like it seemed like you were walking away forever when you ran off with Potter."

Draco lowered his head in shame.

"But this isn't about that," Pansy said. "This is about your health. I can't help you, Draco, we both know that. If you want to be well, then you will make that happen on your own."

Draco didn't know how to explain to her how untrue that was. How easy it was for him to slip into days of not even wanting to move out of bed, much less drag himself all the way to the Great Hall for a meal. But he spared her the trouble.

"I can't do it alone," he said softly to the floor.

"Oh, Draco . . . Of course you can't. I'm so sorry. I know how badly we hurt you, and I'm sorry for ignoring you when you needed me the most."

"I'm going to need time," he said, looking up at her. "I forgive you, Pansy. But I need time."

Pansy smiled softly. "That's good enough for me. C-Can I hug you now, if that's alright?"

Draco most certainly did not want to hug her. "Honestly, Pans, I don't think . . . We're not there just yet."

Pansy's face fell. "Oh. Okay. I understand." She quickly plastered a smile back on to cover her disappointment, though they both knew he'd seen. "So, now you've gotta tell me everything about Theo. I want details."

Draco felt the corners of his lips pull up in a smile. He allowed them.

"Look at you, you're blushing! If I'd known how much you liked him, I wouldn't have given you such a hard time in the first place."

"Pansy . . ."

"Tell me what happened. What all did you guys do? Did you go all the way? Who topped-"

"Pansy." Draco gave her a pointed look, hoping to convey without words that he wasn't ready yet. Pansy wouldn't be his gossip for a while; he needed time to rebuild trust.

"Oh. We're not there. I see." Pansy fiddled with her fingers. "Don't worry, Draco. I'll pry it out of you eventually." She smirked lightly, but Draco could tell the gesture was strained. He only felt a little bad.

"We'll get there," Draco assured her. "I just need time."

"Okay."

"I'm . . . going to start coming to breakfast with you guys again."

Pansy smiled, a genuine smile. "Draco, that's wonderful. I don't expect you to get better overnight, but you don't know what it means to me that you're trying."

Draco felt another smile come on, and he was almost tempted to rip his boundary to shreds and tell Pansy everything, how marvelous Theo's hands had felt on him and how gently Theo had worked him open, how roughly he had fucked him, how something that was forbidden in his home had felt so right. But he didn't.

"Blaise owes you an apology," Pansy continued.

"Just because I'm owed one doesn't mean I'll get one."

"Stay right here."

Moments later, Pansy returned with Theo and Blaise. Blaise looked far less angry than he had when Draco had first seen him. He wondered what kind of influence Theo had on his change in demeanor.

"Draco."

"Blaise."

"I'm sorry I said you didn't have a soul, and I'm sorry I said you were playing mind games." The apology almost sounded robotic. Draco didn't want this.

"Blaise-"

"You hurt my mate, but we turned our backs when you were hurting and for that I apologize."

"Blaise, you really don't have to do this." Clearly, Theo had coerced Blaise somehow into apologizing because he thought it would make Draco happy. It didn't make Draco happy. It made him very upset.

Blaise stole a glance at Theo. Then he resumed eye contact with Draco.

Draco looked into his dark eyes for any hint of sincerity, of humanity.

"Are you really sorry, Blaise? Or are you just saying you are?"

"Draco, you stomped on my best mate's heart. I dunno how else you expected me to react. I had to be there for him."

"So to get this straight, you aren't sorry for telling me I had no soul and for saying I play mind games."

"I was angry, Draco."

"I get angry, too, Blaise. Doesn't give you the excuse to say things you don't mean."

"I know." Blaise could no longer maintain eye contact. But after a swift elbow in the ribs from Theo, he looked back up.

"I really am sorry, Draco. Pansy and I want to see you getting better, and that includes coming back to meals with us. You always have a spot with us."

"Do I?"

"Yes. You do."

Draco looked to Theo, then at Pansy, then back at Blaise.

"Okay, then. You're forgiven, Blaise." He coolly turned around and began walking off. He heard footsteps behind him, followed by an urgent voice.

"Hey, where do you think you're going?" Theo.

"Anywhere but here."

"Why?" Theo grasped onto his wrist, forcing him to stop. Draco attempted to yank his wrist out of Theo's grip, but Theo was stronger.

"Because that was the worst attempt of an apology I have ever seen. If you forced him to apologize to me just to make me happy, know that you have failed. Miserably."

He attempted a second time to break his wrist free. He was not successful.

"Draco," Theo frowned, "I didn't do it to make you happy. I did it because it was the right thing to do."

Now Draco felt cross. "Real apologies aren't forced by somebody else's hand. They happen on their own."

"He owed it to you. It was going to happen whether he liked it or not."

"But don't you see that it means nothing since he didn't actually believe it?"

"He meant it. He's just cross it took a bit of convincing."

"I can't believe you. Let go of me."

Theo listened, and Draco instantly whipped around and began walking away.

"Wait!" Theo called.

Draco turned around.

"Please, come back over and talk to us. Please."

Draco sighed. "Fine."

He reluctantly followed Theo back over to an uncomfortable Blaise and a freshly crying Pansy.

"I want you back," she said, swallowing a sob. "I want to talk to you about Theo and anything else going on in your life worth knowing about. I want to gossip with you again and go through magazines together. I want my best friend back."

Draco swallowed a lump in his throat.

"It isn't that easy, Pans," he said as gently as he could.

Pansy nodded, wiping her eyes. "I know. But please, at least tell me you're coming back for meals. All of them."

Draco's stomach flipped. They would all be watching him eat, be watching how little he was able to put away before he was uncomfortably full . . .

"Alright," he said. "I'll come back for meals."

Pansy hiccupped and nodded. Blaise bowed his head.

"If you need your space, Draco, you'll have it," he said. "For as long as you need. And I won't even look at your plate. That's your business. Showing up and trying is all you can do right now, and I think that's a huge step."

Draco couldn't help himself. He smiled softly.

"Thank you."

Blaise nodded.

The group dispersed, gathering their materials for their next classes. After Blaise and Greg had left the room, Theo ran over to Draco and wrapped his arms around him from behind, hands hugging his hips.

"I'm proud of you, y'know that?"

Draco relaxed into the embrace. Theo planted a kiss on his neck. Draco shivered, sensitive to the touch. Theo's arms tightened around him, hands covering his stomach.

"I know."

"No, really, I'm not just saying that because I like you or whatever. I mean it."

"You are?" The words came out small, and since when had he ever needed anybody's approval? Draco wasn't sure if he was okay with all these new feelings he was experiencing.

"Yes."

They stayed like that for a little while. Eventually, Theo let go of him and Draco turned around to plant a kiss on his waiting lips. Theo tried to deepen it, to prod his tongue inside his mouth, but Draco pulled away.

"Uh, uh, uh."

"Mmm, why not? We got about an hour before our next class."

"I'm mentally exhausted, and I'm not in the mood."

Theo huffed. Draco resisted the urge to snort. It was rather adorable.

"You are such a tease, Draco Malfoy."

Draco tossed him a wink. "Only for you."