CW: Referenced domestic violence, child sexual abuse, child abuse, referenced rape, past suicide attempt, minor alcohol abuse,

Toni felt an overwhelming sadness as the preacher read the prayer. Toni, Ana Jarvis, Rhodey and three people he had known from some war things years ago were all who were there. Toni's tears ran freely and Jarvis's wife held her hand. It was too small for someone who had saved her life, he had never made it stop, but she wasn't even mad. He was the first person in her life she believed always loved her.

Toni felt like she was dying as he was lowered into the hole, she was suddenly confronted with a sick urge to fling herself into the ground with the casket. Enough ghosts followed her already, she didn't think she could deal with another.

"Toni here." A letter was placed in her hands. She looked down and her stomach flopped at Jarvis's scrawling letters.

On the car ride, she opened it.

'My Toni,

I am sorry for all the pain I was unable to prevent in my life, and the pain I leave you in death. When you're done being angry with me, I do hope some of the memories are fond. Maybe the hot chocolate or when I snuck you, sweets. I do not know if I leave you to your mother, father, Stane or a combination but I sincerely hope you are fully grown and I died peacefully in bed, but since I am writing this letter when you are in college I am aware it might be bloody in your father's service and you may still be young. I didn't work only for him. I hope you know that many times I wanted to leave, but the first time I held you when your parents wouldn't I knew I could never leave you. I hope you know I was always happy to clean you up, feed you and watch you invent. I never regret those things. I regret as I said before that I could not make Howard accept you, I couldn't heal your mother and I couldn't stop Stane.

I do see a future for you though you brilliant girl. You will lead the world, better than Howard ever did. You are worthy of everything you can dream of.

I love you more than my life,

Jarvis'

"Why did you have to leave me," Toni said as tears dripped on to manila paper smearing the ink.

Rhodey rubbed her shoulder. She took a shuddering breath, as they neared the house time to put her armour back on. Lastly, she slid on the sunglasses, They were a tangible reminder her armour had to be up. They were 'Toni Stark's' sunglasses not Toni's.

The reading was boring. Pretty much everything was left to Toni. Jarvis...well now Jarvis's wife has left a considerable lump sum of money. Obie was in charge of SI until Toni was twenty-one, was the Exeter and Toni's legal guardian till she turned eighteen. He also received a house and some money.

Toni got the rest of the places. She looked around the mansion. God, it made her sick, a haunted mansion. The house would forever reverberate with yelling and manic turbulence would forever smell of her father's whisky, mother's perfume, burning metal and Obie's cigars. Forever have visions of sex, flailing arms, silent tears, and escalating violence. She didn't think she wanted to even have this place.

The time of her parents' funeral came. Sitting in the front pew she looked at the stained glass streaming way to colourful light. The church filled with people who never knew her parents. She wore the dress she was given a form-fitting black thing covered with a black shawl. It would probably be freezing if she could feel anything. Obie was on one side of her. Toni refused to remove her sunglasses, they were her armour but more so she didn't want anyone to notice she wasn't crying. Toni sat in the front pew staring at the caskets. The seat next to her was filled, by her Aunt Peggy, after all these fucking years she thought bitterly.

"Hello, Toni."

"Hello Ms Carter," Toni said, hoping Peggy noticed she didn't use her nickname. A moment of vindictiveness running through her.

"Howard and I didn't get along anymore at all. And I went back to England when I left SHIELD"

"You don't have to explain. Everyone leaves." Toni said cooly.

They both turned to the font. Endless people waxed poetic about her father. War, honour, good friend, handsome man, a pillar of society, inventor, business titan, Obie even called him a good father. It was easy for her to list what was not included, what they were all pretending wasn't real. His insulting mouth, harsh hands, war crimes, cold stares, alcohol addiction, prejudice, the way his voice struck terror in his family.

Toni was shanghaied into speaking, she figured that she might as well. Someone should mention her mother whose casket was also in the goddamn cathedral.

"Howard and Maria were pillars of society, but to me, they were, of course, Mom and Dad above all else. Howard's legacy is one I will strive to live up to and currently leave under the careful guidance of Obadiah Stane, or Obie as we called him at home. Maria was a good woman; she had her share of struggles but no one could doubt her love of children her own and all of those she helped through charity. I intended to carry on that legacy as well. Her many charitable efforts will fall under the newly made Maria Stark foundation which will work to ensure those she helped in life will not go unaided after her tragic death. Thank all of you for being here to remember their legacy."

Toni said and placed a hand on the Caskets as she should. Wiped her eyes for the camera and sat down.

"Excellent fake tears Toni," Peggy whispered in her ear.

"All of you taught me well," Toni replied

After they were in the ground Toni let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding in.

As she walked away Nick Fury stood in her path.

"Uncle Nicky." She said.

"Toni"

Toni before she realized it she was hugging him. It startled both of them and Peggy who was now next to her. Toni pulled back, her face back in her best mask of indifference.

"I felt I should offer congratulations on your parents' death." Fury said.

"Don't you mean condolences?" Peggy said drily.

"I'm pretty sure I mean congratulations" Fury shot back.

"I'm with Uncle Nicky on this one," Toni said.

Fury raised one eyebrow. His normal response to her.

"I'm also here to talk to Stane, the agency has to have a relationship with SI and apparently it's my job to play message boy, still, apparently I have history promotions be damn"

"Oh." Toni said then anger pulsed through her though she still knew it had to be discreet, "No wait fuck you!" she turned to Peggy too "and fuck you too."

"You all pretend to give a fuck but you don't. You just want your precious spy ring to stay in business. I'm secondary at best. You don't care, you never cared. Because everyone leaves or hurts me. You just want something like everyone else. But guess what! I never needed you. The only thing you ever gave me aunt Peggy was Steve Rogers. And well Fury you helped me with my psycho mother which I mean thanks, but you just want me for my ideas and money. Well in case you're wondering pretending you like me isn't a path to power. Obie is the one with all of the dealings now. But I guess hey you never raped me so I guess you're one step ahead of other dudes. But just get the fuck out of here." Toni hissed loud enough the two thunderstruck adults could hear but not the press.

She slid her sunglasses back on and left with her face as neutral as possible. Pretending she couldn't see that Peggy had tears in her eyes and for once Fury's poker face dropped and he looked confused.

~~~~~

Toni laid low after that. Going back to school gave her reason to ignore reality. The only reason she didn't float off into the stratosphere was Rhodey's calming presence. One day near the end of the school semester Rhodey broke the unspoken code of not speaking about anything to do with Toni's non-MIT life.

"Toni I have to ask you something"

"What," Toni said suspiciously.

"Does Obadiah does he hurt you?"

Toni went pale, "Why would you think that?"

"Because you were so scared to live with him you attempted suicide."

"Oh. Jarvis, my favourite person in the world, well besides you, died. I wasn't allowed to be upset?"

"You weren't in grief Toni, maybe some shock, but you were terrified. I'm not sure you remember but in your OD fueled ravings you kept saying 'he has the control' and begging me not to hurt you."

"I don't think you'll hurt me Rhodey," Toni said running her hands through her shaggy hair.

"I know that. But you avoided the question, does Obadiah hit you or something?"

Toni wasn't sure if Rhodey would consider the sex as 'or something'. But even if he did she was horrified at what he would think, she never fought back and Obie only did it for love, so it would be her fault anyway an overreaction. And if he didn't think it was anything that would hurt too, and she didn't know why. It wasn't fair of her to be so upset by it, it was what she was good for right?

"He's not like that." Toni said, "he just does what he has too."

Rhodey looked at her with concern.

"Rhodey I swear it's fine."

"Okay baby girl." Rhodey gave her a hug pressing his lips to her hair.

Toni learned the hard way in those months tabloids do not care if you're grieving. They followed her everywhere, trying to decide what her behaviour meant for Stark industries somehow tying rather she got Starbucks or made coffee at home to stock prices. The rumour mill about Toni's dating habits was also a hot topic again, Rhodey generally being the supposed lover or a man scorned by Toni's non-existent lack of ability to keep her legs shut.

Toni walked to the grocery store one day her hands shook her in pockets as she looked around her compulsively. Toni was sure she was to some degree unnecessarily paranoid but with the amount of Paparazzi currently following her, it wasn't entirely out of proportion. Why people decided she was so interesting was beyond her. They just kept repeating the same shit anyway. She was a slut, had a drinking problem, she was ignoring her 'future', Obadiah was the strong hero. Like yadda yadda I know. Toni did want to be good enough for everyone, but she never was. She wanted them to like her, to love her. How could she even be what anyone wanted nonetheless everyone?

Obie wanted her to do what she was good at, but not make too much trouble. Do some engineering sure, but overall she was his girl that was what matters. Always be there, listen to him be his beautiful girl. But part of her didn't want to, didn't want to be under his suffocating grasp.

Howard had wanted her to be always productive, come up with something worth selling. That was what mattered the company, SHIELD, war and Steve. She couldn't be that either. She was good with weapons sure but her mind loved AI, energy, phones and robots, never disciplined. Not to mention she had never been good with schedules, or business.

Her mom wanted her to be pretty, good with people, marry well, have a partner to help run SI and behave. She had told her to be happy, that she didn't think she could even manage that. Toni didn't know how to do it.

Toni was never going to be everything or anything they want. But she could be what they expected. She could be unfocused, she could drink too much, fuck too many people, come when Obie called and fuck him too. She could build useless shit. Might as well just screw it.

Toni stopped when she realised she had passed the grocery store and was in front of the ABC store. Well screw it she said pulling her fake ID from her pocket, she hardly needed it. A liquor store next to a university basically sold to anyone. She'd get drunk, forget about everything for a minute, make it all stop, it would be fine, she would be fine. Just be what they expect and don't let anyone down really, it would be fine, it had to be.