The next morning, Lillian woke feeling damn good.
Maybe it was the good night's rest. Suki had camped out on her floor and the weeb's gentle snoring had been weirdly soothing, like curling up close to a puppy. Maybe it was that sweet-ass wet dream, something about a bus crowded with faceless dudes and their washboard abs rubbing her against the window.
Maybe it was the fact that Zoe's goggles, when matched with her tightest red corset and fishnets, really let her rock the steampunk look. Like, damn girl, she looked ready to fly a mother-effin' zeppelin and mow down cyborg zombies!
And she had it all planned out.
So like, maybe she wasn't on Zoey's level when it came to organizing protests and shit but she was a damn good dungeon master. The more she imagined her task like a D'nD campaign, the easier her path became. Like, what was the first thing any good adventurer did after nabbing a quest? They totally hit up the local tavern for NPC news!
So Lillian called in sick with the comic shop and snuck over to the university campus. Just like in her dream, chiselled dude-bros crowded close to chat her up. No effin' surprise considering how high she had her tits hiked up.
"S'up. So, you guys know anything about Miss Yumi? Like, I think she taught math or something?"
And holy eff, was there no shortage of opinions and gossip.
"Oh, you mean Miss Aiko? Yeah, she was the bomb! Crashed all the frat parties and drank the football team under the table!"
"Shit man, that bitch plays a mean game of beer pong!"
"Miss Yumi? Oh yeah, my brother works at the casino; told me she'd be there every Friday night playing big at the Blackjack tables."
"Oh stawp, I heard her besties had to put her on the 'no admittance' list 'cause she dumped her savings. What a drag."
"I heard she was sucking the dean's dick."
"No way, dude, she was going down on Dr. Trang from Engineering!"
"Wasn't she creeping on all the foreign exchange students?"
"Bro, she could creep on my ass any time! Holy shit did she have legs!"
Lillian mostly spent the day rolling her eyes. The comments ranged from totally dumb ("Miss Yu? 8 out of 10 on the sweater pups. I'd hit that!") to seriously gross. ("Pretty sure she taught drunk most days.") But on one vital point, every frat boy and sorority sister was in agreement:
"If you really wanna know -"
"If you want the inside scoop -"
"- then you gotta talk to her."
"Why the fuck are you talking to me?"
Lillian never imagined a pet shop could feel so creepy. Like, puppies 'n kitties, this shit should've been right up Suki's ugu kawaii alley! But the mall pet store was seriously freaking her out!
Everything was jammed so claustrophobically tight, with rows upon rows of glowing fish tanks stretching up to the rafters. All those huge, globular eyes staring at her and bumping against the glass like they were raring to suck out her soul. And like, that wasn't even mentioning the dog cages at the back, all of them snarling and yapping their heads off as soon as she'd stepped inside.
"Well? I'm fucking waiting!"
The clerk behind the counter was seriously pissed. Like, if I had to wear a crappy purple polo shirt like that, I'd be pissed too. But the temper ran further than that. Lillian knew the signs - the twitchy fingers, the way she gnawed on that lollipop. This chick needed a smoke break, bad.
"Look, I just need some deets and everyone I talked to said that you and Miss Yumi were tight. Besties, even."
The shop chick's lollipop snapped clean off. Her eyes sizzled a murderous red.
"Get the fuck out. Say that fucking name once more and I will cunt-punt your shitty goth ass back into the Hot Topic dumpster you crawled out from."
Holy crap, what was with this PMSing ass-hat? "So, like, you're not friends?"
"Bitch, Aiko and I are like, polar opposites of friends. That slut is dead to me."
"Then you could like, help me score some dirt on her?"
The shop chick didn't immediately kill her. This was good. "C'mon, I seriously need some help, uh-" Lillian squinted at the girl's name tag. "... Aubrey?"
"Audrey."
The brunette scowled as she brushed her blonde bangs and straightened her black rose hairpin. "The name's Audrey. Mess it up again and things are gonna get crazy."
As if to prove her point, the dogs in the back foamed over into a total frenzy, gnashing and snarling and throwing themselves against the glass displays - anything to lunge at Lillian. Eyes twitching, the desk girl twirled in her chair.
"Will you slobber-mutts shut the fuck up already?!"
It was like she'd hit a mute button. A spark of red flashed across the brunette's eyes and the doggy horde clamped up like well-trained soldiers. A dozen doggy haunches all hit the floor, ears perked and backs straight. Sir, yes sir!
Audrey spun back to her, muttering. "Fuckin' dumbass dogs... That was totally your shitty-ass fault, y'know."
"Me?"
"Yes, you! Dragging in all those cawglers like that! Cats and dogs can smell those magical critters. Sets 'em right the fuck off. Hold still."
Audrey flashed a V-sign, raised her fingers to her left eye and stared at Lillian for a three count. "There, I just purified all the cawglers hanging out on you. You're seriously stressing, y'know that?"
"Cawglers?"
"Bitch, did I stutter? Cawglers are invisible crows that gobble down on stressed-out humans. My eyes could see them roosting and shitting all over you." She flashed a crumpled paper tag scrawled over with Japanese writing.
"Normally, my barrier wards keep those little shits out of the shop but since Otis decided to piss all over one-"
Wait, purifying? Magic eyes? Invisible spirits and barrier wards? "Holy crap, you're like the white girl version of Zoey!" How were these two not besties?
"Bitch, compare me to Zoey Greene again and I will dropkick your bratty ass back up your mama's cunt faster than you can say pussy-whipped, got that?"
"Like, whatever! Hey, just so y'know, I'm totally in with the magical world too, m'kay? I like, seriously had a love fairy follow me around last January."
Audrey snorted up a laugh. "Bitch, you're bragging about that? Love fairies only show up to virgins and losers!"
"Fuck off, I'm not a virgin! I've totally scored!"
"With who? Your hillbilly cousin?"
"Um, my cousin Mikey's like, a rock star. Boy's got abs for days!"
Audrey's rose pin seemed to visibly wilt. "... right, this is getting fucked up fast."
The brunette pointed to Lillian's purse and the flashing box of cigarettes. "How about we take this out back?"
Outside the back delivery entrance, Lillian flicked her dark dragon lighter, while Audrey snatched her free cig and started merrily puffing away. Okay, weird. She hadn't seen the bitchy brunette whip out any kind of lighter but her fag still burned brightly. Fast hands, I guess.
"Haaa, fuck that's good. Y'know, my girlfriend hates it when I smoke. Always thought going cold turkey would be a bitch, but having her tongue down my throat's way hotter than even the premium shit."
Lillian coughed. "Wow, someone's smug."
"Fuck, if you knew Tiffany, you'd be bragging for days." Audrey scrutinized Lillian's steampunk getup, pausing on the goggles. "Now I remember - you're one of Zoey's stooges."
"Coven sisters."
"Did I stutter? Hey, what the fuck's up with witch-face? She came to our physics exam the other day wearing a freakin' leash and collar."
"Like, that's why I'm here! Zoey's been-" how to put it delicately? "-talkin' to Miss Yu. It's got her acting all weird. Figured you could help out."
"For fuck's sake, I smoked pot with Aiko and we bragged about all the dick we scored. Not exactly BFFs by my count, dipshit."
"Did Miss Yu ever talk to you about, y'know, magic?"
"Magic..." Audrey looked away, leveling a thousand-yard stare at the horizon. "Yeah, Aiko and I, we had a little chat about magic. We had a few words. Hope I fucked her up half as bad as what she did to Tiff and Momo..."
"Momo?"
"Don't fuckin' ask."
Bitter with memory, Audrey's fist crumpled around her still-burning cigarette. Lillian startled - "whoa!" - but when the brunette opened her hand, the skin was unmarred. A cylinder of ash fell from her palm, scattered by the wind.
"How'd you-?"
"Magic, fucktard. So, robo-witch's been quizzing Aiko about spells and potions? Fuck, that's rich."
"Like, what's so funny?"
"Oh my god. Okay, seeing as your retard brain still hasn't put two and two together, I'll throw you a bone, spell it out super fucking clear. Last spring, Miss Yumi could use magic. Last spring, Zoey got hurt by magic. Are you gettin' it yet, baby?"
"Umm…"
Audrey sighed. "Who the fuck do you think used magic to beat the shit out of Zoey?"
Lillian's cigarette dropped to the concrete. "Holy …"
"Ah, the fuckwit finally gets it."
Oh she got it all right, and it floored her blood down to sub-zero. Zoey, she's at home alone with a magical psychopath!
"I gotta get home, like now!"
Audrey rolled her eyes, totally disinterested. "Yeah, you do that, steampunk."
"Eff off! Zoey could be in serious shit!"
"Mm-hmm?" Audrey started unwrapping another lollipop, lemon flavor. Lillian scoffed and psyched herself up to run.
"Hell, now I've really gotta kick Miss Yu out of our apartment!"
"Mmph?" Audrey choked on her candy, hacking and coughing. By the time she cleared her throat, the goth brat was long gone.
"Wait, what? Aiko's at your -?"
"Phew, what a workout!"
The bedsprings sagged as Aiko flopped back on the cot, happily exhausted. Wheezing on her belly, Zoey was simply exhausted.
"Y-yes, Miss Alice..."
The young witch had harbored many fantasies about sex - embracing her lover, becoming one with her lover - but none of those syrupy dreams had ever ended with her feeling so utterly drained. She felt brittle, parched - a citrine crystal ready to crack.
But refreshment lay so close. Aiko...
In her mind's eye, Zoey saw them linking, arms and legs entwining like cords of rope, strands of feminine energy strengthening and renewing each other.
When she scooted closer, Aiko gave her a tired look. "You're a real slut for cuddles, y'know that?"
Zoey shrank away. "I just -"
"We've been over this, Doll. I get really hot after I work out or have sex. My doctor says it's a gland thing. Can I get a bit of space? I am literally burning up here."
"Y-yes, Miss Alice."
"Thank you." Aiko mopped her forehead, breathing deeply and enjoying her space. "Phew, I need a shower."
A shower! Cool water, smooth hands working a soapy lather over glistening skin! Zoey seized her chance.
"May I join you, Miss Alice?"
"Did you pick up that bath mat like I asked?"
When Zoey shook her head no, Aiko gave a sad sigh. "That's asking for a slip. Seriously, I broke my ankle fucking a guy in the shower. Total mood killer."
"Oh."
It was cold comfort when Aiko patted her on the shoulder.
"Look, lemmie grab a cold one, then we can watch TV or something. You can sit next to me on the couch. Sound good, Doll?"
"Yes, Miss Alice."
"Great!"
Aiko sprang to her feet without a care in the world, flicking on the lights so she could scavenge the floor for an after-shower tee and shorts. Under the light, Zoey shrank beneath the bedsheets, pulling the covers up to her chin, envious of how her lover could parade so shamelessly in the nude, breasts swaying and bum wiggling so naturally.
When she heard the rush of the shower, Zoey killed the lights and gingerly rose to her feet. Every tiptoe left her legs and back aching. Still getting used to... everything.
She'd just managed to shrug on some underwear and one of the off-the-shoulder tee's Aiko had bought her (Cute Rabbit, cooed the logo) when she heard the front door slam and a great, gasping mess collapse in the front foyer. Zoey recognized the ragged panting in a heartbeat.
"Lillian!"
Mother of fuck, how had she forgotten her inhaler? Lillian dropped to the floor, wheezing and sweating buckets. A huge, heavy hand was squeezing around her chest; every breath came harder, shorter.
So hard... t'breathe... Maybe if she curled up, made herself super small, her lungs wouldn't have to work so frickin' much...
She was only vaguely aware of her head being lifted onto something warm and soft but she recognized the plastic taste of her puffer as it was pushed against her lips. Lillian didn't give a damn if she looked like a baby sucking from mommy's bottle, she grabbed that teat and sucked down hard.
A long inhale. The vice around her chest began to relax. "... okay? Lil, you... okay?"
Her vision had yet to refocus. Lillian swore a very dopey-looking panda mascot was staring at her in a panic. "Buchimaru-kun... izzat you?"
"... hear me, Lillian? ... me, Zoey!"
"... Zoey?"
It was then that Lillian realized two things: one, her head was resting on some chick's bare, black thighs. Two, the cartoon hallucination speaking to her was a panda decal printed on said chick's white panties.
Lillian's eyes moved from Buchimaru-kun to Zoey's panicky red and blue eyes. She immediately needed another puff to steady her jackhammering heart.
Holy crap, Zoey's a Buchi-babe too? But no, that wasn't important. She had a message to deliver!
"Zoey... y'gotta... get away from her. She's... dangerous... OW!"
Clunk went Lillian's skull, thudding against the floorboards as Zoey pulled away.
"By the All-Mother, this again?" Zoey's tired scoff was totally cribbing her material, not that it mattered now.
"I'm totally serious! She's dangerous!"
"Who's dangerous?"
The bathroom door creaked open and Lillian's lungs seized up again. Miss Yumi, wandering out casually in a wet tank top and shorts, fixing a towel around her hair. "I heard the noise. What happened?"
Who did this bitch think she was fooling with the innocent act? Lillian took a last hit, then forced herself to sit up and be serious.
"I'm onto you, grandma! Zoey, listen: I asked around town; talked to Miss Yu's old peeps. Zoey, those magic shadows she told us about? Those invisible magic shadows like, only she could see? Last spring she sent them after you! She's the one who messed you up and sent you to the hospital!"
"Lillian, that's -"
Ridiculous. She could totally see the word wobbling on Zoey's tongue. But one glance at Miss Yu - pale and pissing her panties like someone had found the dead body hidden in her backyard - and the boss lost all her sass.
"Aiko…?"
"Kiddo, let me explain -"
"Is this... no, it can't be true. I mean, I know we didn't exactly get along on campus but..."
Lillian followed Zoey's hands, tracing the phantom pain in her legs. "Face the facts, Zoey! She sent her pet demons to eff you up bad!"
"That's not it!" Miss Yu was a sweating, trembling nightmare. She looked guilty as fuck and Zoey knew it.
"Is it true?" Zoey's eyes welled with tears. "I want you to be honest with me: did you send your familiars to attack me?"
Miss Yu cringed and ground her teeth. Her fingernails dragged down her temple. "I mean... kinda?"
"Kinda?"
"I mean no! Well... maybe? I mean - Look Zoey, my babies - they had minds of their own! And they were dumb as shit! I'd ask them to bring back food and they'd dump garbage scraps all over my floor! Royal screw ups! So I mean, yeah, they did kinda... attack you but honest to god, I never meant it! I never told them to do it! They just... wandered off!"
The pain on Zoey's face was unfathomable. "You. You broke my legs… you put me in the hospital..."
"Kiddo-"
"You woke me!"
Miss Yu's glasses nearly fell off. "I what?"
"She like, what?"
"You awakened me to my spiritual powers!"
Zoey's eyes, once black holes of malice, now popped wide with adoring starshine.
"Aiko, without you, I never would have realized my true identity as a Wiccan! Lillian, if she hadn't attacked me, I never would have met you or Suki! It's because of Aiko that I met my two best friends!"
Lillian stammered like her life depended on it. "B-but, the pain! The trauma! Like, the doctor's bills!"
"Lillian, don't you see? This is like a sacred circle of death and rebirth! It's all come full circle! Aiko and I were meant to clash! We were meant to find each other again; we were meant to be!"
A manic gleam seized Zoey's eyes as she took Aiko's hands. "I need you to make love to me. Now."
"Um... okay?"
Lillian watched in horror as Zoey dragged Miss Yumi off the bedroom, the ex-teacher barely keeping pace. Aiko offered her a clueless shrug - "Thanks for sorting that out, Lilly Pie," before the door slammed shut.
Slam. The opening guitar riffs of Purple Haze blasted Lillian like nails in her coffin lid.
What the eff...?
Miss Yu had drunk all the beer so Lillian settled on smoking cigarette after cigarette to settle her nerves.
It wasn't working. It's effin' over.
The worst moment in Zoey's life and if the boss could see the silver lining to it, what else could she level against Miss Yu?
Maybe Suki had the right idea. Maybe it was time to pack her stuff, find a new place. Maybe she'd start in the kitchen, grab her share of the cookies and chocolate but ugh, the fridge was jammed tight with brown paper bags!
"Un-freakin-believable! Can't even empty 'n sort the groceries."
Lillian removed the first bag and overturned it on the counter. Apples and oranges rolled over the counter, followed by canned vegetables and -
"What's this?" A tiny business card-sized paper had fluttered out, the tail end of the food parade. Too small to be a grocery receipt, Lillian picked it up.
"He has distributed freely; he has given to the poor; his righteousness endures forever; his horn is exalted in honor." – Psalm 112:9
The Bible verse was followed by a local area phone number. Puzzled, Lillian punched it into her phone and, after two rings was redirected to an automated menu.
"You've reached the Glenberry Salvation Army. For food bank hours and operations, press-"
"A food bank? Nani?"
"A food bank! All those groceries - Suki, she's been grabbing them from the Sally Ann donation center!"
"Nandemonai... that doesn't make sense. Yumi-san always takes the grocery jar with her. It gets emptied, we fill it back up."
The coven sisters sat in stone silence.
"So where the eff is she spending our money?"
Back at the mall, a musical chime from the PA system alerted shoppers that the doors would soon be closing. Audrey still hadn't begun the slow process of shuttering the pet shop. With no room to pace back and forth behind the checkout desk, she'd settled for chewing her thumb and drumming her chipped nails across the countertop. She'd hadn't moved from her spot in a long while.
"Totally none of my fucking business," she reasoned. And yet...
Sighing audibly, Audrey whipped out her phone and punched up a contact. One ring... two rings... click.
"Hey, Bee? It's Audrey. I gotta- ... Delrio? Why the fuck are you answering Bee's phone? … uh huh? ... Whaddya mean she's 'busy'? ... Oh gross, like I needed to know that! For fuck's sake, he's your shitty brat! Aren't you supposed to wipe his -? ... No, no, no, don't fucking hang up! Look, get Bee to finish up and put her on the phone. And tell her to wipe her dirty-ass hands, okay? ... Of course it's fucking important!"
Audrey gave a winded sigh. "It's about Aiko."