Jennie
I wake to someone licking my face. Okay, not someone, but something. Once my hand locates the source, I chuckle. Hank has joined us on the bed and is licking me like I'm his favorite new treat.
He's not the only beast on me.
Lisa's naked body is curled around mine. Her breathing is soft and even as she sleeps. I take a moment to enjoy the way her arm is possessively wrapped around my middle and her hand is splayed out over my ribs. Staying with her like this is perfect, but I need to get up and pee.
And clean myself up.
Shame ripples through me.
My head throbs and reality sinks in. I just slept with Lisa. Again. We didn't use protection. After the night I slept with those two men, I'd gone to the doctor to get tested for STDs. Luckily, they must have used condoms because my results came back clean. I'm upset with myself, though, because I got drunk and was careless. Just like back then. Bad things happen when you're careless.
Bile creeps up my throat and I quickly escape Lisa's grip. Once in the bathroom, I stare down at the crusted-over evidence of what we did last night. I feel dirty and disgusting. A whore like she said. I can't even look at my reflection in the mirror. Quickly, I wet a rag and scrub it away until my thighs and pussy are bright red and raw.
What would Rosé say?
She would tell me to grow a backbone and stand up for myself. I should be telling Lisa she needs to use condoms. But better yet, I should tell her that if she wants to sleep with me, she needs to treat me nicer. The things she said at the party were awful and hurtful. I'm not her plaything to use and abuse. I'm a person. With real feelings.
A choked sound escapes me.
I need to get out of here.
Out of her room. Away from her.
In the darkness, I fumble around until I pick up what feels like a shirt. It isn't until I have it on that I realize it's Lisa's T-shirt and smells just like her. I let out a heavy sigh as I slip out of her room. The house is dark, the party gone. I creep down the hallway and push into Rosé's room. As soon as I step inside and close the door behind me, I feel the panic melting away.
I can breathe again the moment I turn on the light and see all her things.
"I'm such a fuck up," I mutter into the air, as if she can actually hear me. A sob catches in my throat. "I'm so sorry."
She doesn't answer.
Of course she doesn't answer.
I make my way over to her desk and sit in the chair. A smile teases my lips as I thumb through her books. I find myself enthralled in another one of her poetry journals. I'm just flipping to the next page when a business card falls into my lap.
My blood runs cold.
Jackson K McConnell. Civil Defense Attorney.
Why does she have Jisoo's dad's card?
My stomach clenches in realization. Rosé's dad. She told me he was abusive. Could he have been hurting her too? Was she reaching out for help?
A shiver rattles through me. I hate that I was so blind in our friendship. Surely there was something I could have done. For one, I could have come clean sooner. I can almost guarantee she would've forgiven me. Had I been able to tell her in person. To hold her as she cried. To take her abuse as she hit me. We could have made it right. I just know it.
But I didn't.
Our friendship was based on lies.
And in the end, the lies took her life.
I read a poem that is written on a sticky note and stuck to the first page.
The giant and the raven,
In slumber side by side.
Her other half loathes her.
But she soothes the giant to protect the part of her heart that lives.
Beneath.
Beneath.
The raven has the answers, but you have to dig.
Her other half will save the princess.
A door closes somewhere within the house and I jump. I slap the journal closed before dropping it back into the drawer. The bedroom door swings open, causing me to cry out in surprise.
Lisa stands in the doorway.
Strong. Tall. Powerful. Imposing.
And sleepy.
Her dark hair is messy and she rubs at her eye as she regards me with tired eyes. She's thrown on a pair of loose boxers that hang low on her hips revealing her delicious "V" that makes my mouth water.
"What are you doing in here?" Her voice is raspy from sleep.
"Me? Uh. Nothing," I lie, my voice shaking.
She seems to tense up as she takes in the scene. My guilty face. Sitting at Rosé's desk. Papers strewn about. Her body straightens and her signature scowl contorts her boyish handsome face into one that is hard and cruel. Lisa doesn't utter a word as she stalks over to me. I'm yanked from the chair and into her arms. She locks them tight around me as her words come out hot against my hair.
"I thought I told you to stay the fuck out of her room."
I squirm in her arms and look up at her. "You're not my boss."
Her fingers seize my jaw and she glares at me. "You're in my fucking house, sheep."
"You can't control me." My words shake as they come from my throat, but I feel brave in Rosé's room. Like she's here with me, coaching me on what to say.
"Yes," she snarls. "I can. You're in my house. You do what I want."
I squeak when she lifts me by the ass and sets me on the edge of the desk. My thighs are wrenched apart and her boxers are shoved down. Then, she's inside of me. I moan and claw at her bare chest.
"You have to be nice to me," I mutter, all resolve melting away when she touches my clit.
"This is nice." Her thumb rubs circles on my sensitive nerves as she slowly slides in and out of me.
Yes, it's more than nice.
Oh, God.
"Please…"
"Please, what, sheep? Please fuck you until you cry?"
"You're insane," I breathe, my eyes fluttering closed.
Her mouth finds my neck and she sucks me hard. She works me with her thumb as she drives into me.
Focus, Jennie.
"Lisa," I whimper, my body shaking with need. "You can't just take it whenever you want."
She nips at my throat. "Want me to stop?" Slowly, she begins withdrawing. I claw at her shoulders. "I didn't think so, sheep."
"We…condoms…"
She chuckles and slams hard into me. "I'm clean. And I'll take my chances with you."
Careless stupid woman.
"Lisa—"
Her mouth finds mine and then we're kissing hard. I get swept up into her vortex. She dizzies and confuses me. Steals me from my body and devours every part of who I am. I can't think straight when Lisa is consuming me whole.
I come with a shriek that sets her off. Her hips thunder into me a few more hard thrusts before a blast of hot cum shoots inside of me. My pussy clenches desperately as if it can somehow keep her locked inside me forever.
"Stay out of her room," she mutters.
I burst into tears.
Instead of pushing me away or yelling at me, she carries me over to the bed and sits. Her strong arms wrap around me as I bury my face against her neck. She runs comforting circles on my back with her hand as I cry.
Eventually, I stop crying.
She lies back on Rosé's bed, pulling me to her, and we fall asleep.
It's been three days.
Three days since Lisa dropped me off. Without a word. As if we didn't have sex. As if she didn't hold me like I was everything in her world. I'd managed to make it through my diner shifts, but today I called in sick.
I'm tired.
Empty.
Dead inside.
I can't take the constant push and pull with Lisa. She's messing with my mind. One moment she's soft and warm and I have hope. The next moment, she's hard and cold and cruel. Her moods are worse than mine.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
All I can do is think.
My thoughts are my prison.
Over and over, I wonder about that business card. I want to ask Lisa, but I can't. She's too closed off. Besides, whatever we had together is gone. We slept together twice in one night and then she was easily able to pretend the intimacy never happened. I keep grasping for things I'll never reach. Things I don't deserve anyway.
I hear a sound and my body stills.
Mom is with Keith, so I know it isn't her. My heart beats to life for the first time in days.
My light flips on and I yank the covers over my face.
"I could be a criminal coming to take advantage of you." Her deep voice is irritated. "Why are you in bed? It's five in the evening."
"I'm tired. Go away."
But my stupid heart wants her to stay.
The covers are yanked away from me and tossed to the floor. I squint up at her. She looks good today wearing a sleeveless T-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. A ball cap sits backward on her head and she seems younger than her nineteen years.
"I was on my way to the gym and something told me to come see what Little Bo Peep was doing." She scrubs at her face with her palm before throwing her hands in the air. "Fucking hiding. Per usual. Get the fuck up, sheep."
I glare at her. "I'm not hiding. I'm tired."
"You're depressed. I know what depression looks like, dammit," she barks out, a flash of pain sparking in her eyes. "Now get out of this bed and take a fucking shower."
Fire blazes in my chest and it hurts. Rolling to my side, I ignore her. That is, until I'm lifted into her arms. I scream and thrash as she carries me to the bathroom. I'm dumped into the tub and then icy cold water showers down on me.
"You asshole!" I scream as I scramble to my feet. The chilly water soaks my T-shirt and panties. My entire body trembles from the cold. She starts to grab at my shirt, but I kick her. Determination gleams in her eyes as she grabs the fabric at the bottom and rips it apart like a damn Neanderthal. The shirt is torn from me and tossed to the shower floor with a loud thwap. I curl my arms around my stomach to hide from her, my breasts jiggling as I retreat away from her.
"Let. Me. See." Her voice comes out like a snarl.
Defeated, I sob and allow her to yank my arms away. When I peek at her to see her reaction, I expect fury. But for a moment, she simply stares with her mouth slightly parted. A look of heartbreak on her handsome face.
"Jennie…" My name comes from her lips like a prayer. Sad and confused. It makes my chest seize that she called me by name and not that stupid nickname she's given me. "What is this?"
Her fingertips run along the ridges and I feel slimy. Disgusting. Gross. I push her hand away and snap at her. "A coping mechanism. Now will you please let me shower alone?"
She rises to her feet, gives me a clipped nod, and slams the bathroom door shut behind her. A hysterical sob wracks through me as I turn the knob to hot and crumple to the bottom of the tub.
I lie there, my pain running through me like a river, until the water once again goes cold.