DECEMBER 14 SATURDAY
The evening. It was here.
The chaps and Toady waited in one of the greenhousi.
"Hannah Hemlock and Pat Pennywort say you quite fancy me," said Toady.
She tried to cling to Sirius, but he just gave her a boxing cactus to hug, mumbling something about having to be married.
A whirl of snow gushed in on an ice cold breeze. Betelgeuse gave his snow-brella and shake.
"Good evening, lads," he said, business-like. He wore a slick black coat.
With fairy wings.
"Alright where is she? And what is that troll doing in here!"
"That's her," Sirius told him. "That's Toady."
"It's Toddy!" said Toady.
"If she is voted Next Top Model we will win all this money. Well, not Toady."
"It's Toddy!"
Unless of course she decided to make it a condition but she had never expressed any such interest.
Betelgeuse gave Sirius a reproachful look.
"Is this some joke? 'Ha ha, let's have Betelgeuse give a troll a make-over, he's not too busy!'
"It's not a troll!" said Sirius. "I mean, I'm pretty sure..."
But now that the idea occurred to him for the first time...
Betelgeuse began to study Toady from all sides. She very much liked the attention.
"I suppose her ears would be a lot bigger," he reasoned.
"And her tail a lot more tufted," said James.
"Well I say," said Betelgeuse and began to make some notes. "Never have I seen such an acute need for a make-over in all my career as a fairy godmother."
"I have actually," said James.
"Well, Miss Toady, life shall be cruel to you no more!"
Betelgeuse hauled out his pink star-tipped fairy wand.
"Ohhh... Alagadoola mechigadoola...!"
The transformation began. Toady became taller and slimmer. Her mouth became smaller and slimmer. Her huge dorky glasses vanished, and her eyes became more intensely blue. Her dorky hair changed into the feathered style that was currently all the rage.
The kitsch ballroom gown she had put on became a different, much cooler dress, orange and formfitting and sparkling like a billion sequins, much better suited for a discotheque.
She also received amber lizard earrings and an amber frog hairpin.
With the transformation complete she seemed infinitely more likable.
Toady saw her reflection in a window.
"Zowee!"
"I've always thought you were cool," said Sirius. "I just never dared to admit it."
"You have never thought that!" said James.
"Yes I have always!"
"You have not! Also you can go now. Ebola Crool must be wondering what's keeping you."
"But you promised Toady me!"
A nudge fest commenced.
"I never promised such a thing! You said I had to take her! THE WHOLE TIME YOU'VE BEEN SAYING THAT!"
Shove and push!
"You are such a sexist!" said Sirius. "You must have realised that in the end we can't actually make Toady do something she doesn't want! That would really anger feminists!"
"Of course but you weren't supposed to be an alternative!"
Tired of pummeling each other, they stopped pummeling each other.
"Well I better go," said Sirius. "It's still Toady beneath all that and the make-up will probably wear off at midnight anyway."
"But now I don't want her!" said James. "Wait a minute! You're just saying that so I'll pull out!"
Betelgeuse was at the door, opening his snow-brella.
"Well I must go now, lads. You kids have fun. Be safe. And remember, no means no and all that , except for when it means yes."
He spun his snow-brella and then he was gone.
"Did you guys just fight over me?" Toady asked.
She clinged to Sirius and now he didn't mind it so much.
Even so, there had to be some way to get her to choose James instead. Something Sirius could do that would be an absolute turn-off.
"So, am I to understand you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour?" Toady asked him.
"Oh yes," Sirius replied. "Definitely! I'm all about Love Thy Neighbour."
Then he put his hands around Remus's face and kissed him.
Which was all well confusing for him.
Then Sirius, with bubblegum in his mouth, turned to James next.
"Come here neighbour!"
James put up the biggest boxing cactus he could find between them.
Toady was red in the face from outrage.
"Well I never! Disgusting! Unholy! Abominable!" She spat on the floor. "Ok do it again."
Then she ran out of the greenhouse to smack some Christian sense into herself.
"I hope Ebola Crool likes bubblegum," said James.
Sirius blew a bubble.
And now to deal with Project Wendy.
X
James raised an entire top hat. Wendy looked as expression-less as ever.
"Well that was tedious."
"Are you excited about the ball?" James asked.
"Remind me again who shall be my dashing escort?"
Ah...
"Here's your dashing escort!" said Sirius, pushing Peter into Wendy.
Wendy straightened her neck.
"Where? Is he far away? Is my tall, handsome prince coming on his steed? Or is it you perchance?"
"Your dashing prince is right under your nose! He is literally under your nose. Try looking under your nose."
James and Sirius had, without really planning it, made Wendy as tall as them, and therefore taller than Peter. Wendy bent her head down.
"Do you mean that? That is my date? Look at me. You expect me to go with that?"
"We made you, you have no choice!" said James.
Wendy's eyes glowed white. The chaps felt the most painful cramp in their magic muscles.
"Please?" James added quickly.
"You're a few days old! Where did you get standards?" Sirius asked.
"Don't answer that."
Peter began to walk away, sad.
Who could have foreseen that Wendy would have a will of her own? Not the chaps. But what could they do? These were feminist times, it wasn't right for them to exercise their male authority.
"We gave you life," James told Wendy. "We can take it away. OW OW OW!"
His wand arm felt like it was on fire. Remus looked towards Mr. Hagrid's vegetable garden.
"Hey look over there," he whispered. "The Fairy Godmother is having snow-brella problems."
"Indeed he is," said James.
Then he decided to play with his pinball for a bit.
"Those make-overs..," Remus then said. "They're not just for girls are they?"
"But you have such a wonderful personality, Moo!"
"Thanks, but I was really thinking of..." He nodded at where Peter was standing, a bit out on the ice, sighing and wishing for a make-over. James saw that.
"Do you think Wormtail needs a make-over?"
No comment.
"What about his personality?"
Still no comment.
"I think it would definitely boost his confidence, which I think he needs," said James. "You should talk to Padfoot about it because the Fairy Godmother is his uncle I think."
"Can't you?"
"Why can't you? Are you really so confused now you won't even talk to him?"
"I'm not confused!"
"Then talk to Padfoot, then! Bring a cactus is you must!"
Remus decided to prove how unconfused he was by skipping the cactus. Sirius came around Wendy with a fag in his mouth and a few more in a packet. James helped himself to one and went back to playing with his pinball.
"Hey," said Remus. "Can you ask the Fairy-Godmother to give Wormtail a make-over?"
"But isn't it the inside that counts?"
"Sometimes a person needs a make-over to be happy."
"That's true. But how come you're asking this of me, and not Wormtail?"
"Gee I wonder..."
"It's a sensitive area, innit?" said James.
"What's your pants got to do with it?" Sirius asked.
"Please? Wormtail is SO miserable! Just listen! Listen to that misery! Ssshh! Listen!"
They shut up and listened. Peter heaved yet another mournful sigh, moaning over being short, fat, awkward and an all-around useless wizard.
"A make-over will boost his confidence!" said James.
"Fine!" said Sirius.
"Groovy, thanks!"
James yelled at Peter to come. When Peter did, he told him the good news. Never before had Peter looked so happy.
"I get a make-over? Finally!"
"I have to ask first," said Sirius. "Come on them." He whistled and snapped his fingers so Peter would understand to follow.
Betelgeuse finally managed to get his snow-brella unstuck.
"That's what I get for buying a cheap snow-brella!"
"Hi again," said Sirius.
"Hello!"
"Could you give my, um... This is Peter. He wants a make-over. Can you give him a make-over? If it's not too much trouble. If it's too much trouble that's fine. It's too much trouble isn't it? First the troll and now this! Never mind! Forget I asked. Ok see you at Christmas I guess!"
"It's no trouble," said Betelgeuse. "I wouldn't want every single friend of yours come running to me for freebies, but I'll give you this one."
He whipped out his fairy wand and began to dance and sing like before.
"Alagadoola mechipatoola..."
Peter became taller and a lot slimmer. His blonde hair became thicker and a lot longer. His uncool clothes became cool clothes. He looked so prince-like in a navy blue duffel coat and mint green trousers. His white boots and white leather gloves were so sexy.
And his smile was brighter than a white supergiant.
This was NOT AT ALL what Sirius had asked for!
"Uncle Betty! WHAT DID YOU DO!"
"What do you mean?" Betelgeuse asked. "I gave him a make-over."
"You turned him into Roy!"
Peter ran to one of the greenhouses where the lights were out to look at his reflection. He could not believe his luck.
X
Timing was key.
James and Toady made their grand entrance.
A record scratched. Everybody stared. Chaps swooned and girls uncoiled their inner jealous fury, sometimes the reverse.
James saw that Hot Heidi was already here, and so was Gwendolyn Lockhart. None of them could compete with Toady tonight!
Victory was his! Toady was going to be voted Next Top Model in four hours and receive the crown. James envisioned himself dancing in a flurry of bank notes.
As they walked into the ballroom, James could hear the others whisper: WHO is she?
Eventually the DJ managed to get the turntable to work again. Everybody wanted to dance when he put on Let's Twist Again.
"Come on then, Toddy!" said James. "Let's twist!"
Toady looked hugely offended.
"Twist? What is this vulgar nonsense they call 'music'?!"
"It's Let's Twist Again!"
"This isn't proper ballroom music! Does Professor McGonagall know of this?"
"Maybe they'll play a waltz later."
"They better not be playing that rude waltz!"
Rude waltz? James could only name one waltz.
"The Weiner Waltz?"
"Exactly!"
Ha ha ha, the weiner waltz!
James was twisting away when the record scratched again. Everybody stopped dancing, and started staring.
Oh no, he thought. He had thought that the record had scratched for the last time! This wasn't suppose to happen! This wasn't suppose to be possible!
Boys wetted down their shoes with their own drool and girls fumed at the ears, sometimes the reverse.
Just who had arrived that was even more beautiful than Toady?
It was Sirius's girlfriend Ebola Crool.
James had never seen a more repulsive being!
Her dress was green and sparkling! Ugh!
Her hair was black and kept in a stylish bun. Blegh!
Her eyes were grey as dust! Disgusting!
It was possible that Sirius was the reason for the scratched record. But the fact that he was pretty hardly shocked anybody.
The fact that he had brought such a hideous date was more shocking.
In fact, that had to be why people were staring, James understood that now.
Either way, why had he not timed their arrival better?
The ballroom reaction caught Sirius completely by surprise. He saw Toady, and then he saw James. He looked apologetic and mouthed: SORRY!
Sod him, James thought.
"I see McGonagall," he told Toady. "Let's go complain about the music."
He hadn't really seen McGonagall, and he didn't really want to complain about the music. He had seen Remus and Mona Weed crawl around under the drinks table.
"This floor hasn't been properly swept at all!" Toady complained.
"What are you doing?" James asked Remus and Mona Weed.
Mona Weed came out from under the table with cupped palms.
"I got them! I got the noggles!"
"Is it transmitting?"
Mona Weed's hands were completely empty.
"Does anybody have a magnifying glass?"
"You're making a mockery of the Yule Ball, Mona Weird!" said Toady. "Crawling around like that to get attention! Why even attend this event if you're just here to accumulate dust!"
Said she who wouldn't even twist!
"You're absolutely right," said Mona Weed graciously. "There's a time and place for getting down on your knees and play find the noggle." She patted Remus on the back so he'd come out from under the table. "Let's dance!"
"Err...," said Remus.
For a while.
"You just had the noggle! Where did it go?"
Then he went back under the table.
"I don't know. But I think Dolores is right. What sort of Yule Ball would this be, if everybody were crawling around on the floor looking for noggles?"
"A fantastic one!"
"Yes of course. But I've actually been practicing the Mashed Potato for months. I'd really like to do the mashed potato, if they play the Mashed Potato."
"You don't know what you're getting into, Mona Weed," said James. "He's too dangerous for the mashed potato!"
"I know what that's like. I'm too dangerous for the Watusi."
"Right now everyone's doing the Peppermint Twist."
"Do you want to do the Peppermint Twist?" Mona asked Remus.
James shook his head.
"That's not a good idea. He's too dangerous for the Peppermint Twist."
Remus came out from under the table.
"Sirius is over there," he said, pointing.
"I know that but I don't want to catch a GTD- A Git Transmitting Disease."
"Don't you..."
James knew what he meant, but Toady wasn't a git because only Slytherins were gits, that was science. Slytherins were gits, Ravenclaws were twits and Hufflepuffs were tossers.
Toady wanted to tell off the DJ for choosing such vulgar songs. James wanted to tell her to sod off. He couldn't understand it. She was SO hot! Why wasn't he wildly enamoured already?
But the Top Model Crown was going to take care of all that. It was going to seal Toady's status as Popular Girl and make James somewhat richer. He would simply have to be patient.
The DJ was Snape.
"Can't you play something tasteful?" Toady asked. "This semi-current music is just void of all depth!"
"What would you like me to play?" Snape asked nasally.
"Classical music."
"These records are all I have to play. They didn't give me any classical records. I do agree with you. This semi-current music is SO stupid. I have to play this because most people our age don't have the brains to appreciate REAL music."
Phnegh phnegh, James thought, why didn't they get married?
"But this is vulgar!" said Toady. "I demand you play something more tasteful!"
"And whatever you do!" said James. "DON'T play the Mashed Potato because I can't stand that song!"
So Snape removed the current record and put on The Mashed Potato.
Toady was beyond herself with rage and wouldn't stop arguing with Snape. James began to scan the ballroom for somebody else to dance with. He saw Mac and thought he'd say hello. Maybe he'd even get a twist out of it.
"Hi Mac. Do you have a date or what?"
"I do," Mac replied. "The pressure simply got to me. It's Phil."
"Hi," said Phil. "So Toady, huh? You Gryffindors ARE brave."
"Have you not seen Toady?" James asked. "Toady is way cool, don't you know? By association. With me. Right?"
"Hey, if you like Toady it doesn't matter what anybody thinks of her or you. Few would be willing to risk social suicide the way you have. And for someone like YOU to do it?" Phil tipped an invisible hat.
"I don't like Toady. It's just an experiment."
"Then that explains why you've been radiating such frustration."
"We've been trying to make her popular. But for some reason..."
Things just had not gone according to plan. Everybody just had eyes for Ebola Crool now.
"If you don't think Toady is cool," said Phil, "how can you expect anybody else to?"
Shut up Phil, James thought.
"She is very hot, 'though," said Phil.
Thank you.
"Where's Roy?" James asked. "I haven't seen him at all tonight."
"Something came up."
The record scratched. Everybody stopped twisting. Boys fainted and girls exploded, sometimes the reverse.
Here was Wendy now! With Roy!
James didn't remember at first that Roy was actually Peter.
"There he is now," said Mac.
"And he looks ok!" said Phil, relieved.
James wanted to say hello to Wendy and Peter.
"I am here," said Wendy. "Now I want to dance."
"But I don't know how to dance," said Peter, blushing.
"Then I shall dance with somebody else. Why bring a date if you won't dance?"
The crowd parted like the Red Sea when Wendy crossed the dance floor. Peter trailed after, uncertain, like a lost noggle. People hardly dared to even look at Wendy, they felt so ugly and unworthy.
"How's it going?" James asked.
"Not well at all," said Wendy, her voice as emotionless as ever. "The boy doesn't dance."
"Why won't you dance with her?" James asked Peter.
Seeing Roy anxious and fearful was weird.
"I can't even talk to girls!" he confessed.
"She's really a snow man!"
Peter lit up.
"Hey yeah! I guess she really is a snow man!"
Snape had unnoticeably sneak-joined their party. And he only had eyes for Wendy.
"Excuse me, Milady," he said nasally. "Do you want to dance?"
"It's what this event is for, is it not?" Wendy asked.
"Then let us dance."
Wendy looked him up and down. A snow man of such high standards couldn't possibly want to dance with Snape!
"You're not attractive at all," she remarked.
Ha ha ha, James thought.
"But I can see that you have dignity and self-respect, and I like that in a man. I would dance with you, but there appears to be no music."
"Then we shall make our own music," said Snape and gave Wendy his arm.
James wasn't too shocked because they were both chilly as hell, and therefore perfect for eachother.
It was just that he hadn't toiled for Snape to get a hot date!
"But there's no music!" said Peter, crushed to lose his snow man of a date so soon, and to Snape to boot!
"Any idiot can be a DJ so you do it!" Snape snarled and began to dance with Wendy.
Peter made himself snug in the DJ corner and flipped the record.
"I see Bach's Minuet in G Minor," said Toady. "Put that on."
Peter did so.
People fled the dancefloor. They began to boo and throw crisps and paper cups at Peter.
"I'd like to dance now," said Toady.
James did not.
But Phil was right. If Toady was to be thought of as cool by association, he needed to think she was cool first. He had just thought it would happen naturally.
But it hadn't happened. All that mattered now was that she was made Next Top Model. Dat munnay.
Everybody else hated the stuffy music and word got out that Toady was responsible for it.
People began to boo her.
"Ok!" said James, silently praying for rescue so he wouldn't have to humiliate himself further by not knowing how to dance a minuet.
He had never felt so awkward. He could feel himself lose that dignity and self-respect he took for granted. He wanted to run and hide somewhere.
And Phil was right. People would pick up on that. His social suicide was happening.
"Bach's Minuet is way cool, don't you know?" he yelled at the fleeing crowd.
Menacing eyes were directed at Toady but she was as unaffected by it as ever. James wanted to die. He could see Sirius in the crowd with Ebola. James mouthed: Heeelp meeee!
Toady assumed a minuet dancing pose, and told James to do the same.
He'd sooner be completely drained of magic by a snow man.
If he fled now, he stood a chance of surviving this social suicide. That couldn't be said if he didn't.
Heart pounding. They began to dance.
He was going to break free and run the hell out of here!
Then rescue happened! Sirius was standing between the two! He glared at James.
"Just what the hell are you doing?!"
What was he doing?
"I don't owe you an explanation!" James replied, glaring back.
"I think you do!"
"Um no I do not!"
"Oh yes you do!"
"Do not!"
"Hey what's going on?" Toady asked.
Sirius turned to her.
"Just what are you doing with this nerd!"
"Don't go to him he's not good for you!" said James.
They were stirring up such gossip material they could no longer hear the Bach for the popcorn.
"I can't believe this!" said Toady. "You really are fighting over me!"
"Who's it gonna be, him or me?" Sirius asked.
"He can't give you what I can!" said James.
"Oh dear," said Toady. "Well, it's true that Sirius is way hotter. But given his reputation I don't really see a future for us. So therefore I choose you!"
Well blasted, James thought. Toady threw her arms around him, and it felt nice.
But then she said: "Now let us dance that minuet!"
James looked desperately at Sirius and mouthed: Heelp meee!
"Sorry," Toady told Sirius.
It was his munnay too, James thought.
And quite a lot of it, actually.
It was enough munnay for Sirius to pull Toady off James and kiss her.
Somewhere in the ball room the popularity meter began to overhead and whistle.
"I changed my mind!" said Toady.
"Blasted!" Sirius muttered.
Ha ha ha, James thought. What was he so disgusted by? He was French, he was used to having a frog in the mouth!
"Do you want to go somewhere and be alone?" Toady whispered to Sirius.
"Yeah!"
"But first, let us dance that Minuet!"
Sirius mouthed: Heeelp me!
James was still laughing, so Sirius mouthed: That's your betting munnay, too!
James knew what he had to do. Put his hands on Toady's cheeks and kiss her, feminists be damned right now!
Somewhere in the ball room, the popularity meter exploded and somebody had to be brought to the Wing with third degree burns.
"Oh!" said Toady, frustrated. "I just can't choose!"
Yesss, James thought.
Then he thought: Blegh!
Double blegh!
Yet he found the bubblegum weirdly pleasant, like it had aged really well. Instead of not tasting of anything after many years of chewing, there was an incredible depth to the flavour.
"I can't believe you just did that!" said Ebola Crool to Sirius.
She wasn't jealous at all, because Toady.
If James had to choose between Toady and Ebola Crool he'd sooner commit literal suicide. Except he had just snogged the former. And now he wanted to commit literal suicide.
One of the Top Model judges rang a bell. This signified that the Top Model Council was going to retreat in ten minutes in the back chamber and select tonight's Top Model.
James suffered a bout of anxiety until he saw that girls and boys were flocking around Toady, begging to be her best friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/non-binary friend. They were all eager to dance minuets now.
James sighed and relaxed. Dat munnay! In the bag!
"Where's Moo?" Sirius asked.
"No idea," James replied. "But I hope they got to do the Mashed Potato.
"Why did you make the sound of a cow just now?" Phil asked.
"It's slang," said Sirius.
"Oh. Like...This Yule Ball! It's so moo!"
"It is kind of neurotic, isn't it?"
"Did you hear what happened to Mona Weed?" Mac asked.
"No. What happened to Mona Weed?"
"She got terribly hurt, and had to go to the hospital wing."
"She got hurt when?"
"In the terrible accident."
"What terrible accident?"
"You really didn't notice the terrible Watusi mishap not twenty minutes ago? Ten people injured."
"I just hope Mona doesn't blame herself," said Phil. "The Watusi is just a dangerous dance for anybody! Nobody could have foreseen it nobody!"
Phil stormed out of the Great Hall, wailing: "Why couldn't she stick to the Mashed Potato whyyyy?"
"You had to be there," said Mac.
"Is she very hurt?" James asked.
"Nah. She twisted an ankle."
Mac left to get something to drink.
James and Sirius didn't know how they had missed the Watusi mishap, but they were glad the terrible accident hadn't been Mashed Potato induced.
"That money is going to be ours!" said James.
Sirius didn't hear him. He seemed aloof, distracted. He looked around, as if he was looking for someone.
"Clock's over there," said James.
"I know. Have you seen Cas at all tonight?"
Coming to think of it, James had not seen Cas at all tonight. Cas was a dork, and not the brainy kind either, so James failed to see why Sirius even cared.
Yet her date was supposed to have been Roy.
And Roy was a very high-status chap!
"Who cares about Dorky!" Ebola Crool laughed. "Dorky is SO awkward! By not turning up she is really doing herself a favour. Dorky is so dumb, she probably thinks she has a chance of claiming the Top Model title tonight! The loss would crush that bimbo."
"Shut up, Deb!" said Sirius. "Don't call her Dorky!"
"But you call her Dorky."
"That's not an excuse! I'm out of here."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm sorry Deb but we're over."
"But why?"
At last, James thought. About time Sirius saw what a hideous ogre Ebola Crool was. James followed Sirius to the entrance.
"Be right back," said Sirius.
"Are you making sure Cas won't turn up and ruin everything? Not that she could, right? Cas has such terrible hair and terrible dress sense, she stands NO CHANCE against Toady!"
"Of course not, but, well, you see..."
Then Sirius ran off, yelling: "Better safe the sorreeeeeee!"
James found that so weird.
Sirius would never rather be safe over sorry!
But he thought, well, how hard was it for any girl to pick out a nice dress and learn to use a blow dryer? Maybe the sheer surprise factor of Cas blow drying her hair was enough of a threat. That was probably what Sirius was thinking, James reasoned.
He wondered if he ought to assist him.
He wondered if perhaps Sirius was just bored with the scheme now.
James needed to stop him.
x
Who would think to look for Cas in the library?
A clever person!
James saw her in the back, looking in a pop music magasine that had The Sweet on the cover.
She was dressed for the Yule Ball, yet she was here. Her hair was shiny, fluffy and long. She wore a saucy glittery black dress, even 'though she didn't usually wear black. A black dress signified "bad girl" and Cas wasn't a "bad girl".
But it was obvious that she had had plans tonight to kill off "dorky old good girl Cas" and introduce "bad girl Cas."
All to get some guy no doubt!
But she had cancelled those plans. But James still had to make sure those plans didn't return from the grave. If she made her entrance looking like that, five minutes before the Top Model judges entered the retreating chamber, that title was going to be in her bag!
"Hi Cas!" said James. "Say could you help me look for um-"
Somebody put a hand over James's mouth and pulled him inside the geography section.
"I'm afraid I can't let you go through with this," said Sirius, coldly.
"What? I suspect I'm the one that can't let YOU go through with this!"
"With what?"
"Somehow I just got this sneaky feeling that you want Cas to go to the Great Hall!"
It sounded so absurd when he said it out loud.
"But why would you want to do such a thing? Why exactly? What could be your motivation?"
"Cas is my friend, maybe that's my motivation."
"Since when!"
"I don't know! I forgot to note down the exact day in my diary!"
"Maybe it was after swimming practice, when she turned up in her new one-piece!"
Sirius shook his head. "I don't get you. If she was a bloke you would not be questioning my motivation."
"If she was a bloke you would not want to push her to win some superficial beauty contest I think."
"I would do the same for you!"
"What about that money! I thought we were in this together! I've been risking social suicide for two weeks because of you and now you're turning your back on me for some woman!"
"I snogged Toady and your life wasn't even at stake!"
"Ditto!"
They sighed in perfect unison.
"She's your friend, too," said Sirius.
"I don't remember that diary entry."
"It wouldn't be right to just leave her here alone."
So now he was trying to appeal to James's empathy! HA! This act was not as good as his Grinch!
"You are so right," said James. "That's why I've decided to ask her to be my date for the Yule Ball! If that's ok with you, that is."
"Why would I not be ok with that?"
"Speak now or forever hold your peace."
"But what about all that betting money?"
"I thought you said that Cas's feelings are more important than that betting money."
"I never said that. You know, it was rash of me to just come here. But now I realise how behind the times I am! Coming here to push her to win some beauty title, telling her to go to the Yule Ball as if she can't make up her own mind about that! It's just not feminist! No, we should mind our own business and get on with our scheme! That's what the modern man would do!"
"Is it?"
"She's a strong independent woman! She'll go if she wants to!"
"Right!"
"That contest is objectifying and demeaning and she wants no part of it I'm sure!"
"Her body is her sanctuary!"
Sirius opened the door to one of the private study rooms.
"You have something on your..." he showed, on his own cheek.
James went inside the room to look in the mirror there.
"Is it gone now?"
No answer. Sirius wasn't in the room, and James hadn't even noticed him closing the door!
That sneaky traitor! This was the oldest trick in the book, was it really the best he could do?
When James got out Sirius was talking to Cas.
"It can't be very fun to spend this night alone, Cas! Come to the Great Hall with me!"
"Okay!"
James was SO MAD at Sirius. Could he not wait an hour before hooking up with Cas? Whatever happened to bros before hoes!
He had to stop her, as much as he regretted to. He tried to think of a way, and he found the gum in his mouth really helped.
Gum in his mouth? Heureka!
(That didn't mean it was at all useful.)
He tooked the gum from his mouth.
"Wait!" he said. "You have something in your hair! Why don't I just..."
Oh yes. He would.
He raised his hand to stick gum in Cas's hair when she was looking in a mirror.
Sirius pushed her nobly out of the way and James wound up getting his hand stuck to his face.
"What happened!" Cas asked.
"You better go without me," Sirius mumbled.
"Me, go alone to the Yule Ball? Unthinkable! When they see me turn up without a date, they will point and whisper: Look at her, she doesn't have a date, WHAT a loser!"
"Not if you hold your head high! Hey better go alone than with someone boring anyway. Besides, the guys will be all over you. Not that you care about that sort of thing. But it's cool if you do. It's cool even if you don't. Either way, whatever you do, don't let any guy tell you what to do! But you must go! Or don't. It's up to you. That title could be yours! But will it make you happy in the long run? Yes! But probably not. But you don't need to be told that by any guy."
"Do you really think I can claim that title if I turn up without a date?"
"It will probably boost your chances because turning up without a date would be so radical. But don't take it from any guy. Unless you want to."
Cas decided to go for it, and she ran out of the library.
"Do you understand that I am sort of mad at you, Padfoot," said James. "And why that is?"
"I'm sorry, Prongs. I know you wanted the most popular witch at Hogwarts and all that. I said I was going to help you with that, but my plan failed."
"It's my fault, too. I never would have bothered, had I realised that if Toady was ever going to become the most popular witch at Hogwarts, it was going to be at the very end of the Yule Ball, so I would still not have had the most popular witch as a date anyway. I just thought, dat hotness..."
"I know. Are you upset about the betting money?"
"That betting money is dirty now."