Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!
"This is our house," Carina said as Maya carried the girls car seats into the house.
"Nora's sound asleep," Maya said, laughing, "And I'm sure Rowan has no idea what you are saying."
"You are probably right," Carina said, smiling a little, "Come on. Let's get them out."
Maya set the car seats down on the ground, unstrapping Rowan, handing her to Carina before getting Nora out too. They took the babies upstairs to the master bedroom where they had two little bassinets set up for them to sleep in for the first few weeks or months, depending on when they started sleeping through the night.
Carina sat down on the bed, laying Rowan down in the middle of the bed. Maya set Nora down next to her sister before changing into some more comfortable clothes. She then went and grabbed some swaddles from the nursery before rejoining the family in the master bedroom.
Rowan was just looking around the room, little eyes blinking as she yawned.
"God, they are so cute," Maya said, staring down at the babies.
"Si," Carina said, leaning her head on Maya's shoulder, "I can't believe they are ours."
Maya smiled, turning her head and kissing the top of her wife's.
"How are you feeling babe?" Maya asked, rubbing her back.
"Sore," Carina said, "And tired. Can we just do nothing all day?"
"You mean, besides take care of our babies?" Maya chuckled.
"Si," Carina said, "Speaking of which, they need to eat soon."
"Should we wake Nora?" Maya asked, knowing that her friends always yelled if she threatened to wake their kids.
"Probably," Carina said, "They need to be on the same schedule if we ever want to get any sleep."
"Good point," Maya said, nodding as Carina got ready to feed the girls while Maya woke Nora.
The baby made a face when Maya tried to wake her, letting out a soft whimper.
"Just like your mamma," Maya said, shaking her head as she continued to try to rouse the sleeping infant.
The baby opened her eyes, looking pissed at the world as Maya handed her to Carina. Once Nora realized there was food involved in this little wake up call, she seemed a little less perturbed. Rowan had already latched and was getting her fill of milk.
"How does it feel?" Maya asked, watching Carina adjust the babies a little.
"Weird," Carina admitted, "It kinda hurts a little still, but not so much. It's strange."
"I'm sure," Maya said, nodding, "Do you want me to get you anything? Something to eat or drink?"
"Some tea?" Carina requested.
"Of course," Maya said, nodding as she got out of bed.
She came back ten minutes later with a mug of tea and some of Carina's favorite cookies.
"Grazie," the Italian said as her wife set the items down on the nightstand.
Once the babies finished eating, each of them took one, burping them before laying them down on the bed between them, just watching them. They were both awake, just blinking their little eyes, arms and legs moving in an uncoordinated, newborn way.
"I am much happier they are doing this in the bed instead of in my belly," Carina said, reaching out and putting her finger in Rowan's hand, the tiny fingers instantly curling around her larger one.
"I'm sure," Maya said, laughing as Nora yawned, "God, I still cannot believe we have two daughters."
"I know," Carina said, running a finger over Rowan's soft cheek, "And they are so perfect."
Maya nodded, pulling off Nora's hat, touching the baby's soft hair. The two of them just sat there for close to an hour, staring at the babies as they slowly fell asleep and then watching their funny facial expressions as they slept.
After an hour, Maya's phone went off.
"Andy wants to know if she and Robert can stop by and drop off a meal for us around 3?" Maya asked, glancing at her phone and seeing that it was about 1.
"Sure," Carina said, nodding, "Only if I don't have to get dressed."
"Absolutely not," Maya said, shaking her head, "You can wear whatever you want."
"Then they can come," Carina said, "Andy always brings good food."
"True," Maya said, nodding as she texted her best friend back.
Carina ended up nodding off for a little while, Maya grabbing her camera again and taking a photo of the three of them asleep on the bed. Maya was never one for pictures, but she was desperate to remember all these little moments with the girls. Carina woke up after about forty minutes, looking sleepily at her wife.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep," the brunette said, rubbing her eyes.
"You need it," Maya said, giving her a small kiss, "I was just about to change the girls before Andy and Robert get here."
"Do you want help?" Carina asked, stretching a little, her entire abdomen aching.
"I've got it," Maya said, "You just relax. Do you want some Advil?"
"Si," Carina said, all the meds she had gotten in the hospital having worn off.
Maya went into the bathroom, getting her wife the pills before going back into the bedroom, picking up Nora and bringing her to the changing station they had set up on their dresser.
"When does baby poop start to look normal?" Maya asked, wrinkling her nose as she wiped Nora's little bottom while the baby screamed.
"Well, the newborn poo normally ends in a few days, but until they start eating solids, it won't be what you would call normal," Carina said, shrugging as she picked up Rowan who had just woken up.
Maya shook her head, getting a new diaper on the baby before redressing her.
"I'll trade you," Maya said, handing Nora to Carina as she took Rowan.
"I know Piccola," Carina said, "Mommy is so mean, making sure you have a clean diaper before we have guests."
"Alright Patatina," Maya said, laying down the baby, "Let's do this before Tia Andy gets here."
Carina smiled as she watched her wife take care of their daughter, grabbing Maya's camera and snapping a picture.
"Alright," Maya said, Rowan much less pissed about having her diaper changed than her sister, "Should we go downstairs?"
Carina nodded, getting up slowly.
"I need to use the bathroom before I do," Carina said, walking slowly to the bathroom, "I will meet you downstairs?"
"We can wait for you," Maya said, seeing how much pain her wife was in just by how she was walking.
"I am fine," Carina said, "I gave birth, I didn't have my leg amputated. Take them downstairs. I will join you in a few minutes."
Maya nodded, heading downstairs with a baby in each arm. She put both of them in the bouncy seats Maya's mom had gotten for them, neither baby happy they had been set down.
"I know," Maya said, strapping them in, "I just need to go get some water from the kitchen."
By the time she got back with a pitcher of water and some glasses, both babies were screaming their head off.
"What's wrong?" Carina asked, slowly coming down the stairs.
"I had the audacity to set them down to get water," Maya said, picking up the babies.
"Here," Carina said, finally making it downstairs, "Let me have one of them."
Maya handed her Nora, the little girl settling quickly once she had been picked up. Her sister, however, was less easily soothed. Carina sat down on the couch while Maya paced the room, trying to calm her daughter.
Finally, the baby settled, resting her head on Maya's shoulder just as there was a knock on the door.
"Hey," Maya said, answering it and seeing Robert and Andy standing there, "Come on in. Where's Luca?"
"He's with my cousin and her girlfriend today. We didn't want to overwhelm you guys with a crazy toddler today," Andy said, coming in, Robert close behind her, "We brought enchiladas, some chicken soup, and apple streusel, Robert's Oma's recipe."
"Thank you so much," Maya said, going to take the pan from Andy.
"We can do put it in the fridge," Andy said, "You've got your hands full."
Maya nodded, leading them into the kitchen, both Robert and Andy washing their hands before they all went into the living room.
"Carina," Andy said, coming around the couch, "Hey, how are you feeling?"
"I am alright," Carina said, smiling as Andy sat down on the couch, "Just normal postpartum pain."
Andy nodded, knowing what her friend was talking about.
"Congratulations to both of you," Robert said, sitting down next to his wife.
"Thanks," Maya said, smiling at him, "Would you like to hold one of them?"
"I… Sure," Robert said, holding out his hands.
Maya handed him Rowan, the baby fussing a little before settling into his arms.
"Wow," he said, smiling as he looked at the baby while Carina handed Nora to Andy, "I forgot how tiny they are."
"Well, your son who was two weeks late and over 10 lbs.," Andy said, shaking her head, "So he was never actually this small."
Robert shrugged, clearly mesmerized by the baby.
"Kinda makes you want another one, doesn't it?" Andy said, staring down at Nora who was looking around.
"You just got the promotion you have been gunning for since I met you," Robert said, "You really want to give it up?"
"I wouldn't have to give it up," Andy said, shaking her head.
"We can talk about this later," Robert said, clearly not wanting to have this conversation again, "So, Andy tells me they were the first babies born this year in Seattle."
"Si," Carina said, nodding, "Their pictures will probably be in the paper tomorrow or the next day."
"That is crazy," Robert said, shaking his head.
"Oh my goodness," Andy said, looking at the babies' outfits, "They're wearing the onesies I got them."
"Yeah," Maya said, "We brought them home in them."
"Really?" Andy said, looking at her friends.
"Carina insisted," Maya said, nodding.
Andy smiled, looking down at the baby in her arms.
The four of them chatted for a while before the babies got hungry, Rowan making it very well known that she was not in the mood to wait for her food.
"Alright," Maya said, bouncing the baby a little as Andy and Robert got ready to leave, "You will get some food soon. Bye guys. Thanks for stopping by."
"And thank you for the food," Carina said, standing up to see them out.
"Congratulations again," Robert and Andy called, leaving.
Once they left, Carina got herself situated, Maya bringing her the nursing pillow from upstairs as she got the babies latched. Both girls ate, Carina sighing.
"You alright?" Maya asked, putting a hand on Carina's back.
"Si," Carina said, "Just feeling a bit overwhelmed."
"About what?" Maya asked, concerned.
"Being a mamma," Carina said, adjusting Nora a little, "Having two babies. I don't know. It is all just postpartum hormone changes I'm sure. It is just a lot."
"I know," Maya said, kissing Carina's cheek before seeing the tears in her eyes, "Hey, don't cry. We are going to figure this out together."
Carina nodded, wiping the tears off her face, "I know. I don't even know why I'm crying."
"You have been through a lot in the past two days," Maya said, kissing her wife's cheek, "You gave birth to two babies and became a mother. That is reason enough."
"How did I get so lucky to have you as my wife?" Carina asked, smiling at her before kissing her.
The rest of the night was fairly quiet. Maya surprised Carina with the lasagna she had made the day before, the Italian bursting into tears yet again when her wife gave her the plate of her favorite food that she hadn't been able to eat for the past four months.
That night, they brought the twins upstairs, taking them into their nursery for the first time.
"This is where your nonnina used to take me and Zio Andrea when we were bambinos," Carina said, showing Nora the painting Mason had done, "You won't ever get to meet your nonnina, but she would have loved you so much."
Maya smiled, walking up behind her wife with a freshly changed and dressed Rowan.
"She would be so proud of you," Maya said, wrapping an arm around her wife while juggling her newborn daughter in her other arm.
"You never even met her," Carina said, shaking her head, "How do you know she would be proud?"
"Because you are an incredible woman," Maya said, "And everything you have done is amazing from your work to our daughters and any good mom would be incredibly proud."
Carina looked at Maya with tears in her eyes.
"Ti amo tanto," the emotional woman said, "Baciami."
Over the next month, all the happy feelings of having two newborns started to wear off and Carina was struggling. She had barely been sleeping at all since they were born, too worried about what might happen to them.
At first, it was manageable, but the older the babies got, the more she worried. She would lay awake at night, thinking about all the terrible things that could happen. She checked on them, compulsively, every thirty minutes, just making sure they were still breathing, despite the fact that they both slept with smart socks that would alert Maya and Carina if anything was abnormal with the babies.
Maya had been back at work for two weeks, leaving Carina home with the babies by herself a lot of the time during the day. When she was alone with them, she never slept. When they napped, she would just sit by their bassinets, staring at them.
At night, she was up checking on them constantly. Maya had noticed that Carina seemed a little off, having been snapped at more than once for how she was burping the twins or how she dressed them, but she also knew that Carina was more experienced with babies and extremely hormonal because she had just given birth, so she tried not to start a fight.
She also knew she was getting up in the middle of the night to check on the girls but didn't realize that she wasn't waking up every time Carina got up. Maya tried her best to support her wife, trying to give her time to nap when she was home and helping with as much as she could with the girls.
However, things were starting to get out of hand. For instance, Maya had always helped give the girls a bath since their first bath, but recently, Carina had started doing it exclusively when Maya was at work, claiming it worked better for their schedule. Maya was disappointed because she loved giving them baths but didn't think much of it until she had a three day stretch of not working.
"Hey, Car," Maya said, having just wiped spit up off Rowan for the 4th time, "I think the girls could use a bath. I'll go give Rowan one while you finish up feeding Nora."
Rowan had proven herself to be a much more efficient eater than she older sister and always finished a few minutes earlier.
"No," Carina said, shaking her head, "No, I want to give them a bath."
"But you always do it," Maya said, confused, "Let me this time. I miss giving them baths."
"No," Carina said, "I will do it."
"Come on," Maya said, starting to get a little frustrated, "I'll do Ro and you can do Nora."
"Maya, I said I would do it," Carina snapped angrily, "You haven't given them a bath in a long time and you might have forgotten how."
"Carina, I know how to bathe our daughters," Maya said angrily, "It's only been like 2 weeks."
"No," Carina almost yelled, startling Nora who started to cry, "Now look what you did. You made Nora cry. I will give them a bath."
Maya was incredible hurt, picking up Rowan and taking her to the nursery, needing space from her wife. She was confused. She knew how to take care of the babies. She had spent a lot of Carina's pregnancy learning how to do things with a newborn, even spending a few afternoons with Amelia and Harper when the neurosurgeon was on maternity leave so she could be around a baby that small and get some practice taking care of her.
Carina knew this and had told Maya how proud she was of her, but now, it was like she didn't trust Maya. The blonde took some space, just holding Rowan who fell asleep in her arms quickly. She didn't want to fight with Carina and she knew she would if she stayed with her.
About ten minutes later, she carried Rowan back to the bedroom, finding Carina still sitting on the bed with little Nora.
"Car," Maya said softly, "Is everything ok?"
"Si," Carina said, nodding, "I am fine. Sorry I yelled. I just have a routine with them and I don't want to mess it up."
"I know," Maya nodded, sitting down next to her wife, "But Babe, I can be a part of it too."
"You can help me give them a bath," Carina said, nodding.
Turns out, helping looked a lot like standing by and watching Carina do it, but Maya just wrote this incident off to exhaustion. However, over the next two weeks, things like that became more and more prevalent until Maya felt like she couldn't even pick up the babies without Carina criticizing her.
It all came to a head when Maya had picked Nora up from her bassinet, holding her out in front of her as she smiled at the baby.
"Don't hold her like that," Carina snapped at her wife, "You could drop her."
"I've got her," Maya said, looking at the brunette, "She's fine. I hold her like this all the time."
"Well, then maybe you shouldn't hold her at all," Carina said, getting up and walking over to Maya, taking the baby from her arms.
"Carina, what the hell?" Maya said, floored at what her wife had just done, "I can hold my own daughter."
Just then, Rowan started crying and before Maya could get her, Carina picked her up to.
"Just go Maya," Carina said, "You clearly don't care about keeping our daughters safe so just go."
Tears pricked Maya's eye, but she walked out, sensing something else was going on with her wife. She grabbed her phone, trying to call Andy, but getting her voicemail, so instead, she tried Amelia.
She knew she really needed to talk to. Carina, but right now, she was too frustrated and worried to be able to do that efficiently so she wanted to find out from someone else who had had a baby if this was normal or not and what she could do to help.
"Hey Maya," the doctor said, answering, "What's up?"
"I think something's wrong with Carina," Maya said, having stepped out onto their porch to have this conversation.
"Why?" Amelia asked, worried.
"She won't even let me hold the babies anymore," Maya said, "It's like she doesn't trust me or something. And the other day, when Vic came over to see them, she wouldn't let her hold them either, claiming they were too tired and when I tried to change her mind, she snapped at me. I don't think she's really sleeping and I just don't know what to do."
"I think I know what this is," Amelia said, sighing, "When is her 6 week postpartum appointment?"
"Tomorrow I think," Maya said, rubbing her hand over her face.
"Ok," Amelia said, "Good. It sound to me like she had postpartum anxiety. One of my friends had it really bad after she had her second baby and it got to a point that she didn't put the baby down for like a week I think because she was worried that he would stop breathing."
"Well, what am I supposed to do to help her?" Maya asked.
"She's probably going to need some professional help," Amelia said, "You should talk to her about it tonight if the appointment is tomorrow, and then talk to her doctor tomorrow. Is she still on her anxiety meds?"
"Yeah," Maya said, "But she had to change them when she got pregnant."
"They might need adjusting," Amelia said, "I don't know because I'm not her doctor, but talk to her and her doctor about it. She'll be ok, but she's going to need support."
"Thanks Amelia," Maya said, feeling tears in her eyes, "Thanks for your help."
"Of course," Amelia said, "I'm here for both of you. Just let me know if you guys need anything."
Maya sighed, hanging up the phone. She took a few deep breaths. She knew Carina had anxiety and had seen her have pretty bad episodes with it, but Carina had been diagnosed at 15 and diligently worked on managing it since with medication and therapy so by the time she met Maya, she had at least somewhat of a handle on it.
Carina and Maya were both in therapy, varying how often their appointments were from between once a week and once a month depending on how they were feeling. However, since the twins were born, neither of them had been to therapy because there just wasn't time.
This, however, was so much more than Carina's normal anxiety. Maya was worried, but she pushed that aside, going back into the house, brewing a pot of Carina's favorite tea before going upstairs, knocking gently on their bedroom door before going in. She found Carina sitting on the bed, tears running down her cheeks, one baby in each arm.
"Oh babe," Maya said, setting down the tea before going to her wife, "Hey, what's wrong?"
"I don't know," Carina said, tears streaming down her face as Maya put a hand on her back, "Everything just feels so overwhelming and hard and what if something happens to them? And I'm so tired, but I can't sleep because what if they stop breathing or something. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just so tired."
"I know," Maya said, pulling Carina as close as she could with where the babies were, "I know. Babe, I think there's more going on here than just some exhaustion. This is like when you have bad anxiety attacks but worse."
Carina nodded, knowing her wife was right, "Lo so. I just don't know what to do."
"I will help you," Maya said, pressing a kiss into Carina's temple, "Tomorrow, at your appointment, we can talk to Danielle and see what she can do and then, we are going to find time for you to go back to see your therapist, and I can work from here if you need me to some of the time. It's going to get better, Babe. I promise."
Carina nodded, letting out another sob.
"Can I take the girls?" Maya asked, "I promise I will stay right here."
Carina nodded slowly, Maya taking Nora out of Carina's arms.
"Alright," Maya said, getting the baby settled before wrapping her other arm around her wife, "Now, what do you need from me right now?"
"Just… don't leave," Carina said, voice shaky.
"I won't," Maya said, "Promise. I'm not going anywhere."
The rest of that night was rough. Maya decided not to go to sleep until Carina did which meant neither of them slept because Carina didn't sleep.
"How long has it been since you slept?" Maya asked as they laid in bed, the girls in their bassinets having just been fed.
"I don't know," Carina admitted, "A long time."
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you," Maya said, heart hurting for her wife as she mentally kicked herself for not keeping a better eye on Carina's mental health.
"I didn't really let you," Carina said, shrugging as she moved, going to check the babies.
Maya knew Carina had been up a lot to check on the girls, but tonight she saw just how often she did it. Carina could physically not stay in bed for longer than fifteen minutes without checking on the babies.
"They are alright," Maya reassured as Carina studied the babies for what was the twenty fourth time that night, the blonde having been keeping track.
"Logically, I know that," Carina sighed, putting her hand on Rowan's chest, feeling the movement, "I just… I don't know. I know it's not normal."
"It's ok, babe," Maya said, opening her arms for her wife, "We are going to get you help. This is going to get better."
The two of them stayed up all night, Carina checking on the girls a total of 37 times during the night, Maya realizing just how bad this was and kicking herself for not seeing it earlier.
They got up after the girls' 8 am feeding, Maya going and getting some cute outfits for the girls who were going with them to the doctors today. Maya knew it was going to probably be a long day both because they needed to figure out what to do to help Carina and because everyone at the hospital loved seeing the girls.
Once they were dressed, Carina got dressed, realizing she hadn't changed her clothes in almost four days. Maya also got dressed before making breakfast, pouring both of them a large cup of coffee because she knew they both needed it.
By 10, they were all loaded up in the car after Maya helped Carina through a panic attack while they were loading the babies. The Italian woman insisted on sitting in the back, just in case something happened, and Maya was not about to argue with her.
They got to the hospital quickly, each of them putting a baby in a carrier before walking into the hospital.
"Oh my goodness," Amelia said, walking up to them, having been at the main desk talking to a nurse about a transfer she was expecting, "Babies!"
Maya smiled, moving a little so Amelia could get a better look at Nora who was snoozing on her chest. Amelia went to touch the baby's fuzzy head but stopped short, remembering her conversation with Maya the day before, looking at Carina. The look on her friends face told her everything, and she backed off.
"Do you have your postpartum appointment today?" the neurosurgeon asked.
"Si," Carina said, Maya taking her hand, rubbing soothing circles on it, "We need to get going."
"Good luck," Amelia said, exchanging a look with Maya as they turned away, the blonde just nodding.
They made their way upstairs, getting taken back pretty quickly. Carina was clearly nervous and Maya stood next to her, rubbing her back and just being there for her.
"Babe, it's going to be ok," Maya said, pressing a kiss into Carina's hairline as she rubbed her back, "We are going to get you the help you need."
"I should be able to handle this," Carina said, rubbing her eyes, "I should be able to take care of our kids without being crazy. I feel like I'm failing them and you."
"Babe," Maya said, cupping Carina's face in her hands, meeting their eyes, "You are not failing. You are not crazy. Your body just went through one of the most intense hormonal, emotional, and physical changes that a body can experience so it makes perfect sense that the mental changes would follow suit. You are the most amazing person I know."
Carina nodded, leaning on Maya's shoulder as her wife rubbed her back. Just then, there was a knock at the door and Danielle walked in.
"Uh, oh," she said, seeing both of their faces, "What's wrong?"
Carina went to speak but found herself unable, turning to her wife. It was weird for Maya to see Carina being the one who struggled to talk about her mental health, the brunette having always been way more open about the topic while Maya normally was the one to shy away from it with most people.
"Carina's been having a little bit of a hard time," Maya said, just rubbing her wife's back, "She hasn't been sleeping and she's been checking on the babies constantly and she's really struggling with thoughts that something bad might happen to them if someone else takes care of them."
Danielle nodded, typing on her iPad, "Sounds like postpartum anxiety, which is something plenty of moms go through, as I know you know. Can I give you a quick physical exam and then we can talk more about that?"
"Si," Carina said, nodding.
"Do you want me to take her?" Maya asked, gesturing to the baby attached to her wife's chest.
"I've got her," Carina said, laying down carefully with the baby. Danielle was able to give Carina a full exam, giving her a clean bill of health physically.
"Now," Danielle said as Carina got resituated, "I'm going to give you the normal postpartum mental health exam. Are you ready? And Maya, you can jump in too if you need to."
Both women nodded, Maya rubbing calming circles on the back of Carina's hand.
"Now, have you been sleeping?" Danielle asked.
"Not really," Carina said, shaking her head as she looked down at Nora who was sleeping soundly in the baby carrier, "Maybe 30 minutes."
"At a time?" Danielle asked.
"Total in 24 hours," Carina said quietly, Maya trying her hardest not to react, just squeezing her hand a little tighter.
"Ok," Danielle said, writing that down, "And what's keeping you up?"
"I'm worried that the girls are going to stop breathing or something will happen to them if I fall asleep," Carina said, tears pricking her eyes.
"So you're up checking on the girls?" Danielle asked, trying more.
"Si," Carina nodded.
"It was 37 times last night," Maya said quietly, Carina looking at her.
"You kept track?" Carina asked, giving her wife a look.
"I'm worried about you, babe," Maya said, nodding, "And I thought it might be useful for her to know."
"It is helpful," Danielle said, nodding.
They went through more questions, both Maya and Carina telling Danielle about how she was struggling to let anyone, even Maya, do so much as hold the babies. Carina admitted that sitting in the exam room with Maya holding Nora was putting her on the edge of a panic attack, and Maya immediately took the baby out, handing her to Carina just to help her calm down a little.
By the end of it, Danielle had prescribed Carina a new antianxiety medication along with something to help her get some rest, and Carina had agreed to call her therapist as soon as they got home to start appointments again.
Maya had decided she was going to work from home as often as possible for the next little bit in order to give Carina the extra support she was going to need.
Both of them left feeling a little bit better about the situation, and while they knew that it was probably going to be a long road, they at least had some kind of game plan to guide them through the rough time.
What did you think? I debated for long time if it was going to be Maya or Carina who was going to have postpartum mental health issues, but I decided having it be Carina would be better. If you have any ideas for this little family, either for when the girls are babies or as they grow, let me know!