Thursday, October 28

"Pass this around, please," Hermione said at the front of the Prefects' office, handing a clipboard to the nearest student. "It's a sign up sheet with all the jobs we need to get done on Sunday, so put your name down for at least one thing."

"There are a couple of things to do before Sunday too, though," Luna added, her soft voice floating over the assembled students. Herrmione nodded from next to her, watching anxiously as students wrote their names next to her carefully ordered squares.

"Right. The date and time to show up is listed next to each job. Once you sign up, you're free to go! But, please stay if you have any questions," Thomas Murphy finished, smiling at the Prefects from beside the Head Girls. Slowly, the room filtered out and the clipboard was filled with names. With a wave, Murphy left the room and joined his friend waiting at the door, leaving the three girls to themselves.

"Excellent! And we all know what we're doing, right?" Hermione beamed at the other two girls.

"Yes, we do. Now let's get out of here before midnight, please," Ginny responded shortly.

"All right, all right! I was just making sure!"

"You've made sure quite a few times already, Hermione," Luna said.

"Sorry. Force of habit, I suppose," she sighed. "We can go." Hermione turned and pinned the sign up sheet onto the cork board behind her and when she turned back around, they had both already collected their things.

Friday, October 29

"But you already said you'd come!" Ginny's fork slammed onto the table of the Great Hall heavily.

"I know, I know… but, to be fair, when you asked, you didn't really say when it was." He ran a tired hand through his hair and looked pleadingly at Hermione.

"Come on, Harry! We need a certain number of professors to be there, otherwise McGonagall won't let us have the fair at all!" Ginny said, her hands braced against the table, pulling his eyes back towards her stubborn face.

"Can't you just ask another professor?"

"Most of them want breaks themselves," Hermione answered calmly.

"How about Bill?"

"He's already coming," Luna answered.

"Hagrid?"

"Coming."

"Slughorn?"

"Busy."

"Literally any other professor?"

"Please, Harry," Ginny whined.

"Can Ron stand in for me?"

"I doubt he'd qualify as a responsible chaperone." Ginny rolled her eyes.

"He's already coming as a… helper anyways," Hermione added, stumbling over the words slightly.

"Look… I'm sorry, but I'm not coming," Harry said with a tone of finality and he grabbed his goblet of pumpkin juice from off the table.

"How about just the second half? Maybe we can get someone else to agree if it's for less time," Luna asked.

"I really do not want to go, okay? Just leave it."

"Okay," Hermione responded, holding a hand up to Ginny to stop her impending flow of interruptions. "We'll find someone else. Just… come if you change your mind. It'll be fun!"

"Yeah, okay," he said and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. He swung a leg over the bench and stalked out of the Great Hall.

"Merlin's beard! He just… two days… he can't…," Ginny sputtered angrily the moment he left earshot. "What are we going to do?"

"We'll find someone else," Luna replied calmly, swirling a spoon around her empty bowl. "He did seem awfully bothered about something, though."

"Well… it is on Halloween…," Hermione squirmed uncomfortably, unsure if she should say anything more.

"And?" Ginny huffed.

"And that isn't exactly a… er… a great day for him."

"What do you…," Ginny trailed off and slowly, her eyes widened. "Oh…" Hermione nodded somberly.

"Because it's the day his parents were killed?" Luna asked bluntly.

"Yes. And the day the Triwizard Tournament started," Hermione added.

"And the day the Chamber of Secrets opened," said Ginny.

"And the first time Sirius came into Hogwarts," Hermione commented as calmly as if she was commenting on the weather. The girls were silent, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Well, shit," Ginny said finally. "Now I feel terrible."

Sunday, October 31

Harry's eyes opened heavily to see the blurry mass of his bedside table and before he could even recognize what he was looking at, his heart sunk lower into his chest. He squeezed his eyes shut again, painfully hard, and willed himself to fall back asleep and just wake up tomorrow. There was nothing that he wanted more at the moment than to skip the next twenty-four hours.

He focused on his breathing, trying to calm his racing heartbeat and let himself fall back into the blissful nothingness of sleep. But images of his parents already swirled into his mind, disrupting any chance he had. Sirius's dark hair and sullen eyes of Azkaban joined them, as did Remus's scarred face and Pettigrew's twisted smile. The glow that he felt when Sirius or Remus told him of their past glory days, and how much he reminded them of James or Lily, and-

Stop it! He told himself firmly, brushing away any thoughts and trying to clear his mind. But, as he already knew from his many failed attempts at Occlumency, that was near impossible for him. In a matter of moments, they came again and he was lost in the deep sea of his memories, drowning in a confusing rush of emotions.

And steadfastly, determinedly awake.

Groaning, he rolled over onto his side again and squinted at the clock right next to him, trying to make out the time without having to put on his glasses.

8:30am. It was only 8:30 in the morning and he had only been awake for twenty minutes. He could have sworn that he had been tossing and turning, wide awake for at least an hour by now.

He groaned again and flopped onto his back, the mattress creaking under him. He stared unseeingly at the ceiling that slowly turned from gray to white as the morning light seeped through the closed windows. Faint sounds of Ron and George moving about the house made their way through the crack under his door, mixing with the thoughts in his head to make an incoherent mélange.

He saw Sirius and Remus through the fireplace in the drab version of the room downstairs, talking to him about his Dad. Remus handing him a bar of chocolate on the train all those years ago. His parents talking to him, like he imagined they would, with large smiles plastered to their young and healthy faces. All of them at Hogsmeade together, laughing in the bright snow like they did in the pictures. Sirius embracing him tightly at the end of fourth year, willing away his pain, exhaustion, and suffering.

"Harry?" A loud knock broke through his tumbling thoughts and Ron inched the door open slightly. "Oh… you're awake." Harry forced himself into a seated position and fumbled for his glasses on the table before shoving them onto his face. Ron stepped into the room, already fully dressed.

"I'm making some tea downstairs if you want some."

"Right… er… thanks," Harry mumbled. Ron nodded and strode to the opposite wall and pulled open the curtains, letting the sun bathe the room in its blindingly cheerful light.

"I'm going to be going soon, but George will still be here," he said, turning so that his back was to the window.

"Okay."

"Hermione wanted me to help set up, so I'm going early," he explained, still studying Harry closely.

"Okay."

"But, I don't have to go, you know… just say the word and I'll stay if… if you need." Harry's head snapped up to meet Ron's gaze.

"No! No, I'm fine Ron. You should go. I already bailed on them, you can't too."

"I'm sure they can manage without-"

"Ron. I'm fine. I'll be fine today." Ron still looked at him skeptically. "Besides, George will still be here if… I don't know… if something happens."

"Okay," Ron replied defensively, already heading to the door, secretly relieved that he would still be able to see Hermoine yet still fulfilled his duties as a best mate.

"Just come downstairs before I go for a bit, yeah? It could do you some good." Without waiting for a response, Ron left and shut the door quietly behind him, his footsteps echoing softly against the carpet.

Harry sighed and tossed his blankets off of him, turning so his legs dangled off the bed. He threw open the second drawer on his dresser and grabbed a pair of jeans and tore a shirt mindlessly off a hanger in the closet. He pulled the shirt over his head, and just as the fabric went past his glasses, his eyes caught a picture staring at him from its frame. His parents were beaming at him, perfectly still, outside the cottage in Godric's Hollow with a small tuft of black hair poking out of a baby blanket. He picked it up and brushed a thumb over the glass, brushing away nonexistent dust. A knot suddenly lodged itself tightly at the back of his throat and he swallowed heavily, trying to push it down, but with no success. Minutes went by and Harry stood, his feet glued to the floor, unmoving, memorizing the image that he woke up to every morning like he'd never see it again.

The tea kettle's shrill whistle found its way through the door, and with a heavy sniff, Harry placed the frame carefully back in its place and threw his pajamas onto the bed, and without a second glance, he walked out of the room, wand already in its holder on his leg. He kept his head purposefully averted as he walked down the staircase because he knew he would just get lost in more memories if he saw the pictures that he and Ron had hung on the wall, filled with some frozen and some moving memories of Hogwarts, quidditch, the DA, and the burrow.

"'Mornin' Harry!" George said joyfully. He stood by a counter, his red hair standing out against the light beige they had painted the walls. "Want some toast?"

"You're awfully cheerful for not being a morning person," Harry grumbled, pulling out a chair.

"Ron told me to quit skulking because you were coming down and he didn't want two depressed people in the house," George replied, collapsing into the seat across from him and biting into his toast with a satisfying crunch.

"George!" Ron hissed with a mutinous glare at his brother.

"What? It's the truth." Ron slammed the tea kettle onto the table along with three mugs before turning back to the counter.

"I'm fine, Ron," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"Sure," Ron replied, not bothering to keep out his sarcasm. Not knowing what to say to that, Harry poured himself some tea and sipped it loudly, filling the awkward silence of the room.

"Here." Ron slid him a warm bagel, covered in cream cheese, before sitting next to him with his own breakfast. "If you're really fine, then what are you doing today?"

"I don't know," Harry lied with a shrug.

"Are you going to come to the fall fair thing this afternoon then?"

"What is a 'fair' anyways? And how come we didn't have that when we were at school?" George interrupted.

"It's just a bunch of games and activities and things like that. They planned it 'cause a lot of the muggle-born kids used to go every year before Hogwarts, so it'll be good for them," Harry replied, seizing on the opportunity to pointedly ignore Ron's question.

"Did you ever go?" George asked, pointedly ignoring Ron's warning glare.

"No. But the Dursleys did a lot." George nodded and finished his toast in silence before carrying his plate to the sink.

"Right… well… I'm off," Ron said, glancing nervously at Harry.

"Have fun," Harry responded listlessly.

"Remember, if you need anything, just-"

"I will, Ron." He nodded and walked slowly to the fireplace, head down, wondering what else to say. "And thanks," Harry added quietly, watching his friend carefully. Ron looked up and smiled before grabbing a handful of floo powder. Ron nodded and bowed his head while stepping into the fireplace.

"Harry's office at Hogwarts," Ron said clearly and dropped the gray powder. A flash of green erupted and he was gone.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"

A flash of green erupted from the tip of the cloaked figure's wand and James Potter fell to the floor like a marionette whose strings were cut. High pitched laughter filled the dark room and the man slowly walked up the staircase, listening carefully to the sounds from the nursery.

Something was scraping against the carpet frantically. A woman was talking outloud, her voice portraying a calm that she did not feel.

A door burst open and Lily threw herself in front of the crib, covering the baby from sight.

"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please- I'll do anything!"

"Stand aside-" But she didn't move. "Stand aside, girl!" Another flash of green hit the woman and she screamed loudly, her body hitting the floor with a muffled finality.

And suddenly, he was staring at the end of a wand. And a pale face whose thin lips were curled into a smile. He muttered the words again and the whole world was suddenly painted in a sickening green.

"Harry!"

His forehead burned and he stared at the lifeless form of his mother. Her almond shaped eyes that matched his so perfectly gazed unseeingly at her son. The wall of the cottage blew in, debris hitting the grassy front yard and covering the nursery floor.

"Harry!"

Her scream echoed in his ears, the ringing reaching a higher and higher pitch. He was vaguely aware of something sticky in his mouth and a freckled face swirled in front of his, his bright orange hair mixing with the dark auburn of his mother.

"Harry!" He said again, louder. Harry blinked rapidly and focused on his voice, letting the scream fade into the background. His cheek was scraping something wooden and he looked down, dazed, and saw the surface of the kitchen table that he had apparently fallen onto. He pushed himself off the table and leaned against the back of his chair, his head swirling and his eyes still seeing everything in a green tint.

George straightened his back with clear relief and leaned away from Harry, still watching him closely.

"You okay?" George asked, clearly shaken but trying not to show it.

"What happened?" Harry asked thickly, his mouth full of something.

"You just… collapsed. And you started muttering… You said 'Harry' a lot," George answered, his hands clasped in front of him.

"And… what's in my mouth?"

"Oh, yeah. It's a piece of Nightmare Nougat. I don't if it worked very well though, 'cause you couldn't swallow it." Harry nodded and chewed it, not even tasting the rich velvety chocolate before he swallowed.

The effects were almost instantaneous. The scream ringing in his ears immediately died down and the kitchen walls turned from a faint green back into the color of sand. Harry looked around at George, who was still staring at him anxiously.

"Wow, that's… incredible!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! The screaming is gone and…" Harry trailed off, realizing what he was saying. Luckily, George didn't push for anything more.

"Mind telling our customers that? We'd sell out in seconds if Harry Potter endorsed our product," George joked with a faint smile. Harry essayed a similar half smile and braced his hands against the table as he stood, still dizzy but determined not to show it. He grabbed his plate and stepped around the leg of the chair.

"Let me get that for you," George said, standing too.

"It's fine, George," Harry said and dodged his outstretched hand.

"Is it? 'Cause you told Ron you were fine about ten times, but then you passed out the second he left. I'm not seeing a lot of consistency in your argument," He turned over the back of his chair with his eyebrows raised at Harry's back.

"It's just… today… it's not a good day… for me," Harry explained carefully, focused on the wet plate in his hands that was now doused in water.

"I know. Do you want to… er… talk about it… or anything?"

"No thanks, George," Harry sighed. "I just… kinda want to be alone right now."

"Okay… well… let me know."

"Yeah." Harry heard a chair scrape against the wood and when he turned around, George had left the room. He turned off the tap water and leaned against the edge of the sink, his head bowed. After sliding the scrubbed plate back onto his pile in the cupboard, he walked out of the kitchen, pushing in their chairs as he went.

Back up the stairs and inside his bedroom, he grabbed a coat and shoved his invisibility cloak into its largest pocket before peeking his head out of his door.

"George! I'm leaving!" He called. And without waiting for a response, he twisted sharply, letting the darkness envelope him.

"Do you want any more Nougat just in case?" George called back.

"Harry?" He poked his head over the banister on the floor above Harry's and saw nothing but the empty hall. "Guess not then."

Ron gazed around appreciatively as he strode through Hogwarts. As it was a Sunday morning, most students were still in bed, venerating their weekend and a chance to sleep in, much like what he would be doing if he were still a student. But after last year, he's grown to enjoy the mornings: the peace that they come with and the sense that everything is asleep and calm.

He smiled at the few students he passed on his way up to the Prefects Office where he knew Hermione would be and knocked heartily against the wood.

"Oh! Hey Ron," Ginny said in surprise as she pulled open the door.

"Hullo." He stepped inside and she shut the door behind him.

"Ron!" Hermione shouted and bounded towards him, jumping into his arms. He immediately wrapped his arms around her waist and smiled into her hair.

"Merlin's beard! Didn't you see each other a week or two ago?" Ginny said, raising an eyebrow at them.

"Yes," Ron replied, unashamedly, and set her back down on her feet.

"Well, we have work to do, so keep the snogging to a minimum please." Ginny strode back towards the desk where Luna was. Ron looked around the room and unquestioningly followed Hermione's hand that pulled him through the few sofas.

"Oh! You must be the Head Boy, then," Ron said, seeing the fourth student sitting in the chair behind the desk.

"Hi. Thomas Murphy, nice to meet you." He smiled and stood from his seat, two dimples growing on his cheeks. Ron gave him a grin and responded politely before continuing to look around the familiar room.

"Shall we?" Luna interrupted finally, her wand already out. "Locomotor!" A large box rose from behind the desk and followed her wand point over their heads. Murphy repeated the charm at a second box, and Ginny, Hermione, and Ron all flicked their wands so that the last boxes followed them out of the room.

They marched through the castle, their floating boxes bumping along beside them, and made it out onto the Hogwarts grounds just past the front doors and onto the grassy slopes.

"I'll get the flying course set up. Once those Ravenclaw prefects show up, just send them my way," Ginny said over her shoulder, her box still following her dutifully.

"Off to set up the maze," Murphy said, headed in the opposite direction.

"Here is good for the snacks, I think," Luna said curiously, gazing around her in a wide circle. She dropped her box onto the grass and began to open it.

"We need to set up the other games, Ron," Hermione said, pulling him further along the open space.

"Er… all right. What other games exactly are we setting up?" He asked, letting his box drop next to Hermione's.

"We're setting up the apple bobbing, ring toss, bottle throwing, and pumpkin bowling stands," she listed off. She pointed her wand at the two boxes and they immediately popped open. "There should be some tables in here somewhere." Ron peered into the open boxes and saw mounds of supplies piled in neat stacks.

"Undetectable extension charm?"

She looked up at him from her search with a smile. "Yeah."

"Nice." She blushed slightly and went back to her search for tables. "Accio tables," Ron commanded instead and watched four large rectangular tables fly out. Hermione smiled gratefully at him and began sending the tables flying across the grass into her pre-planned layout.

"I've heard of apple bobbing, but I've never heard of the other three," Ron said conversationally, watching her send the tables soaring through the air.

"I'm not surprised. They're muggle games. We wanted some muggle and some magic ones, and I volunteered to set up the muggle ones."

"Probably smart," he agreed and took a basket full of pumpkins from her. "Where do these go?" She directed him to a table, carrying her own basket of supplies and within an hour or so, all of their stands were set up and decorated with signs blaring out the names for anyone to see.

"Perfect!" She beamed at the row of tables.

"Want to show me how this one works?" He motioned to the stand nearest them where a precarious pyramid of butterbeer bottles stood on the orange tablecloth. She nodded enthusiastically and bounded towards the table.

"So stand behind this," she pointed at a line in the grass. "And…" (she waited for a ball to zoom towards her outstretched wand) "throw this and try to knock down as many bottles as you can. You get two tries to knock them all down."

"Okaaay…" Ron took the ball from her hand and threw it up twice, letting it fall back into his palm. He turned sideways and stared hard at the bottles before very slowly, beginning to draw his arms backwards.

Hermione giggled loudly. She covered her mouth quickly, but couldn't stifle the noise in time.

"What?" Ron asked in utter confusion.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just… well… you're taking this very seriously," she giggled.

"Well, if I'm going to win a prize, I'm guessing I'm going to have to do well."

"You're not a student so you can't even win anything!"

"Well that's no fair!" He let his arm drop all the way down to his side.

"The prizes are points for the house cup, anyways. The four houses will be awarded points at the end of the fair based on which houses did the best."

"So no prize for me then?" Hermione shook her head with a small smile tugging at her lips.

"Well then… I guess I still have to do well to impress you, huh?"

"Oh, definitely. You know I choose boyfriends based on how many bottles they can knock down," she said with a sarcastic glint in her eye.

"Then I really have to do well," he responded with a broad smile.

Another hour later and the fair was underway. Students milled about, watching the festivities, or waited in the long lines for all of the games. A large board keeping track of how each House was doing in the fair was posted at the front and students would always turn to see their house meter get ahead slightly when they did well, but would groan dramatically when another house caught up with them. Prefects worked at each stand, switching out with others so that they could participate too, all wearing smiles despite the relative chill.

Hermione and Ron walked through the crowd, hand in hand, towards the snack table where they filled two cups with hot chocolate. They passed Luna talking to Hagrid, and Ginny walking with Cass and Hailey. Murphy waved at them both which sent his friends into a jealous frenzy that he had now met all three of them.

"I think it's safe to say that your 'fall fair' is a success," Ron said lightly at the edge of the crowd.

"They do seem to be enjoying themselves, don't they?" Hermione rested her head against his shoulder, their arms interlinked at the elbow and her two hands clasping the warm mug. Her pink lips were curved into a gentle smile and her nose was a bright red from the cold. Her thick hair was flowing freely with the occasional breeze, and her deep brown eyes were alight with blazing joy. "Plus, the house elves kind of get a break before dinner this way since we have so many snacks no one will even need lunch!"

Before he could stop himself, Ron thought: "Merlin's beard, I love you," Suddenly, her head snapped off his shoulder and Ron blushed profusely, realizing that he had muttered that outloud.

"What did you say?" she said softly, gazing directly at him, her lips open partly in disbelief.

"Damn! I screwed this up! I wanted to wait until a really nice romantic moment and I was going to plan out this whole thing… but… too late now…," he fumbled. He withdrew his arm from hers, grabbed her small hand and looked down at her eyes that he could get lost in for an eternity and took a deep breath. "Hermione Jean Granger… I… I love you."

Students laughed in front of them, talking with large smiles on their faces and pointed at where they wanted to go next. More kids raced through the air above them for the flying obstacle race and the sound of screams of triumph erupted from a few select stands. Bottles clanked noisily to the Earth. Pumpkins were dropped clumsily instead of rolled gracefully.

But, all of this disappeared.

Ron gazed nervously at Hermione, whose mouth opened once, then twice with no sound making its way out.

"I love you too, Ronald Bilius Weasley," she whispered, already smiling.

They stared at each other, neither sure of what to do next except grin giddily.

"Wha… really?" Ron managed to ask numbly. But, his incredulousness was cut short when Hermione launched herself at him and her lips found his. Without thinking, Ron's mug of hot cocoa fell to the ground where Hermione's already lay, cracked and seeping out into the grass. His hands tangled themselves in her hair and hers were wrapped tightly around his shoulders, desperate to never let go.

When they broke apart, both blushing fiercely but unwilling to look away, Hermione giggled in an uncharacteristically high pitched way. Her arms remained locked around his neck and his hands found her waist and pulled her closer. Ron leaned his cheek against the top of her head and she pressed hers against his chest.

"This was a perfectly romantic moment, you know," she whispered, letting the joy warm her entire body.

"Really? I mean… it's at school with a bunch of students just a few meters away… And besides, I was kinda hoping to plan something for you."

"When has any part of our lives gone according to plan anyhow?" Hermione asked, reveling in his warm arms around her.

"That's true." Ron smiled against her hair, loving the way her curls tickled his neck. "Besides, anywhere with you is romantic."

She pulled away slightly and held him at an arm's length.

"What? Too cheesy?" He bit his lip nervously.

She shook her head, her cheeks starting to hurt from smiling so much. "No. I loved it. I loved everything about it and… and about you," she replied sheepishly.

"Well I love how much you care and I love how smart you are and your hair and-"

"My hair?"

"Yes! It's so fluffy and soft!" He fingered a lock of her bushy hair between his fingers with a smile. "You're so pretty… you're beautiful, you know that?"

"You're so handsome, you know that?" She replied, making his freckled cheeks blush as much as her own. Suddenly, they were in each other's arms again, and the rest of the world melted away.

As he expected, the cobblestoned street was quite busy compared to its usual silence and people were walking between houses happily, talking amongst themselves. Some were dressed in costumes while others dragged small children by their hand through the calm village. Harry threw his Invisibility Cloak over himself and started forward, towards the Town Square, careful to dodge the muggles, witches, and wizards alike.

At a brisk walk, he cut through the Town Square and passed the war memorial that a small group was admiring, and couldn't help himself but stop mid stride and watch it melt into a stone version of what could have been his family. What should have been his family. He walked carefully around the back of it and stood beside a witch, wizard, and two children, almost of Hogwarts age, who were admiring it and it quickly became clear that they were not muggles.

"-village where the Potters lived," the witch was explaining patiently. "and this is the memorial dedicated to their sacrifice."

"But can't the muggles see it?" the older kid asked.

"They can only see a normal war memorial," the wizard answered without turning away from the statue himself.

"Didn't you say there was a sign that we could write notes to Harry Potter on? I wanna go there!" the younger one cried, clearly bored with their history lesson of the day.

"All right, all right, we're going," the witch said exasperated and led her family away from the statue so that Harry could step in front of it and look at his parents' faces. They were gazing lovingly at each other and the young boy that Lily held in her arms. Though the baby had no resemblance to him- it was really just a stereotypical baby. It smiled peacefully at them, no scar on its forehead and certainly no glasses.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another group approaching the statue so he quietly moved away and with one last backward glance at the statue now turning back into the muggle version, he headed down the church lane to where he knew the graveyard was. Past the lines of cottages and small shops and through the kissing gate with vines crawling up its sides. Past neat rows of tombstones and towards the large marble stone resting near where a bench sat in the comfort of a peaceful bower.

He sighed heavily while approaching it and tore off the cloak, knowing that he was well and truly alone here. Immediately, he sank to his knees and ignored the damp spots growing on his jeans from the grass still sparkling with morning dew. With a trembling hand, he reached out and stroked his parents' names. He sniffed and swallowed heavily, trying to shove away the knot in his throat and let his eyes fall back to his knees. Harry slipped out his wand and conjured a bouquet of pure white flowers which he laid carefully in front of their resting place.

"Hello again, Mum and… and Dad," he whispered. He paused, as if expecting a response, then sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I miss you… I feel like I kinda actually know you now since I saw Remus's memories which makes this even harder…" His hands rubbed his knees and he looked up at the stone again.

"It's Halloween today… seventeen years since… since you were killed. And I know that I said, or at least thought, that he should have just killed me too 'cause everything would have been so much… simpler and easier and on days like today, some part of me still thinks that… But, most days I don't anymore. It definitely would have been easier for me, but… I don't know… I think I've come to terms with how unfair things were... or are," he rambled aimlessly, just getting the random thoughts out of his head and off of his chest. The scar stretched across his chest ached dully and he felt a slight sting prickling at the corners of his eyes.

"I'm doing okay, all things considered. I'm living with Ron and George at Grimmauld Place. But we completely redid everything, except for Sirius's and Regulus's rooms of course. Sirius would be so happy 'cause that terrible family tree and portrait of his mother were finally burned down." He allowed himself a small smile in his honor before he continued on his wandering dialogue with a shaky breath. He looked up at a tree a few rows behind the tombstone he faced and watched a squirrel run up its trunk, pausing halfway before scurrying further.

"I love teaching and I'm glad that I can still do something to keep getting rid of Voldemort and his Death Eaters as an auror… Ron likes it too, I think. He and Hermione are still dating and I'm convinced they're both in love with each other but are just too nervous to say it. I think you would have liked them." Harry paused, lost in his own thoughts before letting his parents in on what was crossing his mind. "You would like Ginny too. She's a great Quidditch player, so I'm guessing you would already love her, Dad. But she's kind and funny and smart too." He fell silent and adjusted himself so that he was sitting with his legs crossed and back hunched over, gazing at his hands picking at the wet grass.

"I still have nightmares and flashbacks though… almost every night. I think they might be getting better, but it's kind of hard to tell because I usually forget what happened a minute or two after I wake up. But I have been fainting less! … although, I did pass out this morning. That was just because today is… you know, today, though."

"And I know you would probably tell me to talk to my friends and all that, but I hate it! I hate the pity and… and the looks they share after and when they say stuff like 'I get it' or 'I understand' when they don't!" Suddenly, anger flooded through his body and he squeezed a handful of grass, tearing it from the dirt. "They don't get it! I mean sure, they've all been through stuff too, but I've been through something every damn year! Plus all the years at the Dursleys and… and…," his voice petered out weakly, "oh, forget it. I shouldn't dwell on it, should I?"

He sighed heavily and fell onto his back with his head resting on his hands. He crossed his feet and stared up at the gray-blue sky, watching the clouds scud across his line of vision, breathing in the crisp autumn air piercing his skin and enjoying the mix of being alone while also having some semblance of company. He shut his eyes and focused on the faint sound of scuffling feet against cobblestones, the leaves gliding to the ground as birds jumped off their branches and sent them swaying, and the dull chatter of faraway people. Finally, he drifted off into sleep surrounded by nothing but grass, tombstones, and a sea of memories.

More than an hour later, his eyes cracked open and he immediately squinted against the sun and pulled a hand out from behind his head to shield his eyes. His elbows ached from not moving in so long and the backs of his clothes were all damp, but he wasn't too worried since that could be fixed with a simple spell. But what did initially worry him, was not knowing where he was. After a moment, how he spent his morning came flooding back into him and his hammering heart relaxed again, the adrenaline slowly waning from his blood.

He pushed himself up on his stiff arms and pulled one leg towards him, hugging it close to his chest. His eyes were drawn again to the tombstone and he stared at their names, reading and rereading the simple words over and over again, trying to find a new meaning or some hidden message encoded in the marble. The heavy knot was lodged in the back of his throat again and he felt a warm prickling at the corners of his eyes and a salty tear fell from his cheek.

Suddenly, his heart ached in a new way and he was overcome with an overwhelming amount of loneliness.

People still walked around the streets beyond the kissing gate and the birds still chirped merrily above him, but he was alone. Utterly alone.

He had no parents, no siblings, no family. He reached out and let his hand fall heavily on top of the curved edge of the stone and bowed his head towards the Earth as more tears rushed down his face and he sobbed quietly, not wanting to bring attention to himself from unknowing passersby.

No, don't do this, a voice in his head commanded him. Don't isolate yourself again. The voice sounded so familiar, with a fire behind it, but he couldn't quite place it. Either way, he knew he had to listen to it. Listen to sense and believe it so that the unthinkable wasn't true. That he wasn't so alone as he felt.

After all, he wasn't a little boy anymore stranded with the Dursleys. He may have been alone there, but he has a family now. Even if it doesn't include his parents or their own childhood friends. He sniffed and used his spare hand to swipe at his nose. He took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly.

"I have to go," he said abruptly to the tombstone, grabbing the invisibility cloak from his side. "But, I'll come back… I love you," he whispered. With one final stroke of the smooth marble, he turned on the spot and landed at the edge of Hogsmeade Village. Without pausing, he strode purposefully up the path towards the castle looming in the distance. Sounds of laughter and calls towards friends flew to him with the occasional gust of wind and he sped up slightly, his walk turning into a light jog until the crowd of students came into sight.

He slowed down again and sent his green eyes scanning the heads of students, looking for a familiar face. He walked around the edge of the crowd, not seeing any flash of orange or curly brown hair. But, Harry did see a mat of blond hair talking amongst a group of friends.

"Creevey! Dennis!" Harry called, walking up to him and ignoring the looks of awe from his friends. "Have you seen Ron or Hermione lately?"

"Yeah, just over there, actually," he said pointing a ways away. "They… er… seemed busy though." His face turned a cherry red and two of his friends started to giggle behind their hands.

"Thanks!" Harry called over his shoulder, already heading towards the vague direction he had indicated and not giving a thought to their strange behavior. Separate from the crowds and hidden under the shade of a large tree, he finally found them, walking lazily towards him hand in hand and staring adoringly at each other.

He slowed down and came to a standstill, torn between not wanting to interrupt what is clearly important to them and itching to talk with them himself. Harry was about to turn away and leave them be when Hermione finally broke Ron's gaze and saw him, mid-turn, and waved him over.

"Harry! You came!" Harry walked over sheepishly, hands naturally finding their way into his pockets.

"Hey Harry!" Ron said, wearing a broad grin that Harry was sure was not for him. Ignoring the part of him that suddenly wanted to walk away and hide in embarrassment, Harry smiled at them both and approached them quickly, covering two paces in their single stride.

Harry tore his hands out of his pockets and swung one around Ron's shoulder, the other around his back and embraced him tightly. Ron froze for a moment, his eyes growing wide, before he came to his senses and he returned the hug, sharing a worried glance with Hermionoe over his shoulder.

"Harry? Er… you okay?" Ron asked, patting him on the back awkwardly. Harry stiffened and pulled away, refusing to look at Hermione not being able to handle her sparkling wet eyes, and nodded.

"Yeah… just… thank you," Harry mumbled. Ron's eyes furrowed and he opened his mouth wordlessly. "For everything. Starting at the train in our first year and everything after… just… thanks." Harry smiled nervously and gazed up at his taller friend, who still seemed shocked.

"No problem," he managed.

"Oh come on, Ron." Harry threw up his hands in amused exasperation. "I've caused you more problems than I can count, but you were there for me and… and… you're my brother, Ron," he said, hoping that explained everything he was feeling, but knowing it came far short. Ron smiled in return, beaming at him like before and he pulled Harry into another hug, not quite knowing what to say.

When they pulled away, Harry turned to Hermione who was already looking at him curiously. "And thanks, Hermione," he whispered to her, already embracing her tightly. She nodded and rocked side to side with her arms around his back for a moment before letting go. Hermione gave him a watery smile and laughed lightly while resting a hand on his arm.

"Er… I know I was interrupting… something, so I'll just… er… yeah." Harry shoved his hands back into his pockets and strolled away, his head held much higher, before his two nonplussed friends could stop him.

"Well, that was… something," Ron said once Harry was out of earshot.

"It was very sweet of him," Hermione answered.

"Yeah…," Ron trailed off, still watching his friend's retreating back. Hermione slipped her hand into his and leaned against his arm.

"I think we might need more cocoa," Hermione commented after a bit, nudging the broken porcelain with her shoe.

"I'm always good for more cocoa." Hermione flicked her wands to repair the two mugs and Ron grabbed them both so that she could wrap an arm through his while they walked back into the stands of activities.

The late Prefect had finally showed up for her shift and after a quick reprimand, Ginny was free of her Head Girl duties… at least until she had to help clean up. She sat on her broomstick above the main crowd of students (except for those racing behind her) and scanned the tops of heads below her, looking for Cass or Hailey or Luna. But, what she did not think she would find was a mop of messy black hair skirting around the edges of the fair.

With a grin, she dove towards him, levelling out a meter above the grass causing Harry to stop in his tracks when he heard the whoosh of air.

"Hey, Harry."

He raised his eyebrows at her. "Nice entrance."

"Thanks. You need to work on yours. The whole 'walking in' thing is quite overdone." She hopped off the broomstick and slung it over one shoulder. "I didn't think you would come today."

"Yeah… well… I wanted some company," he shrugged and gazed out among the sea of students.

"Look… Harry." He turned towards her with his head tilted to one side.

"Yeah?"

"I… er… I'm sorry… about Friday. I shouldn't have pushed you to come, especially on Halloween and I should've made it more clear what you were signing up for before you agreed," she recited from memory.

"Oh… That's okay," he said uncomfortably. Harry had always hated apologies. He just didn't know what to do with himself. So instead, he started walking again, feeling Ginny walking next to him, their shoulders occasionally bumping as a reminder that he was not alone.

"No, it's not," she responded and her voice had a fire behind it. "It was stupid of me and I'm sorry."

"Really, Ginny. Don't worry about it. To be honest, I had already kinda forgotten about it."

"Really?" Ginny asked, her eyes lighting up hopefully.

"Really," he confirmed. She smiled brightly and skipped slightly.

"That's a relief." They walked in silence for a while, slowly making their way to the opposite end of the grassy field, both smiling at how happy the students surrounding them were. They rounded the corner near the lake and came face to face with a mass of pale yellow rising to eye-level with two Prefects standing guard at two separate gaps in the wall.

"What is that?" Harry asked, slowing to a stop behind the haggard line curling and winding its way towards them.

"Oh… it's a… er… a maze," Ginny responded, watching Harry carefully for a reaction. Harry's skin went pale and the color drained out of his cheeks. "It was Murphy's idea. Let's… let's go. Come on." She tugged at Harry's elbow with her free hand and his feet followed her gentle pressure without thinking. She pulled him towards the trunk of a beech tree where she flopped onto the grass and waited for Harry to sit next to her.

"Murphy was really excited about it. He said that we couldn't have a proper fair without a maze," she explained cautiously, still watching him out of the corner of her eye.

Harry said nothing and wrapped his arms around his one bent leg.

"You okay?" Ginny asked, setting her broom down beside her.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Harry," she droned dramatically and rolled her eyes. "You sound like a broken record. Is that the only response you know?"

"Well, what do you want me to say?" He said louder, suddenly annoyed.

"The truth!" She crossed her arms and stared at him defiantly.

"Fine!… Fine," he leaned back, his fingers stretching into the grass behind him. "I still have nightmares every night and that bloody maze comes up quite often, so how do you think I like seeing that?"

"There's no need to get short with me," Ginny responded haughtily. "But… you still have them so often?" Her gaze softened slightly.

"Yes," he sighed and watched as her shoulders relaxed and her arms fell out of their firm knot across her chest. She nodded slowly.

"Can I ask you something?" Harry turned to look at her curiously, prompting her question. "On the first day of school… at the platform… you seemed kinda out of it." Harry turned away quickly, but in typical fashion, Ginny didn't back down. Instead, she leaned forward so that her face was still in his eyesight. "Usually you get like that when something familiar comes up like a giant maze, but what was it then?"

"Ginny…," he carped softly.

"What? You didn't deny it, so I wasn't imagining things. Just tell me, I'm curious."

"It's just that… well, it's hard to explain," he said slowly.

"Then try to."

He breathed out slowly and watched a cluster of young students head off towards the maze excitedly.

"When I died…," he started slowly and he noticed Ginny tensed up dramatically already. "I woke up- well before I actually woke up- I woke up in a weird place that was kind of like a… a really clean King's Cross Station, but it was all white. Everything was white. And then there was a weird deformed baby Voldemort thing laying under a table and then Dumbledore came and talked to me. I think I already told you about that though, right?" He looked up at Ginny, silently pleading with her to understand what he didn't even understand.

"Yeah, you told us about that." Harry nodded gratefully. "So… at the platform, you saw the all-white-station that reminded you of the time you technically died." She said, more as a statement than a question.

"But, it wasn't exactly painful. It was the first moment of actual peace that I'd had in… well, in a long time and I didn't really want to go back. Dumbledore told me that I could 'go on' or 'take a train back' to the forest. And…," he turned and met Ginny's soft gaze. "And part of me really did not want to come back." Silently, he prayed to himself that she wouldn't say that she understood because that was impossible considering he didn't even understand everything that had happened.

"I don't blame you," Ginny whispered quietly. Harry looked up at her both eagerly and somewhat apprehensively.

"What?" He asked, astounded.

"I don't blame you," she repeated, laying a careful hand on his arm. "You just said, it was the first moment of peace you'd had in months at least. Going back meant going back to the pain and the heartache and the fighting for your life, but also fighting for the lives of everyone else… But, for what it's worth, I think you made the right decision."

Harry chuckled bitterly and said, "Yeah?"

"Definitely." Without a warning she tugged him by the shoulder and wrapped her slender arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. She squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to fall and focused on the warmth of his body and the feeling of his arm around her.

"Thanks for telling me," she said quietly into his ear as she pulled away and sat back down. They sat in silence for a moment, each enjoying the other's company and the brisk autumn air.

Ginny turned towards the far side of the field, gazing at the clouds, when two students zoomed through a ring floating high above the ground. Ginny's face split into a mischievous grin. "I saw you eyeing the flying obstacle course I set up earlier."

"I saw you just sitting there, too scared to give it a go yourself," he said, grinning back.

"I was just waiting for a worthy opponent."

"Am I worthy enough for you, then?"

"Eh, you'll do," she shrugged.

"I already died for you ungrateful lot. That doesn't make me worthy enough?"

"Please, you're a literal zombie. Zombies aren't the fastest things in the world."

"So if a zombie wins, what does that make you?"

"I guess we'll never find out."

"Cocky, are we?"

"I prefer the term confident."

"Yeah, okay. We'll see about that." He followed her swinging ponytail through the crowd, both grinning like idiots, and headed towards the stack of broomsticks and line of students, all waiting for their turn.

The story now has more than 200 pages on google docs! Yay! This is definitely the longest story I've written and I do have plans to keep writing.

To my recent anonymous reviewers, thank you so so so much! I always appreciate any comments, suggestions, or thoughts.