How is the wedding going? -SH
Wow Sherlock Holmes asking human questions. -JW
Very funny John. I take it that it's not going so well? -SH
Why do you say that? -JW
You wouldn't have replied to me if you were having a good time. As you replied almost instantly it means that you were in your phone, one who is in their phone at a wedding and willingly replies to a text message often means that they're bored. -SH
Wow you truly are remarkable. -JW
That was a fairly easy deduction but thank you nonetheless. -SH
I tried chatting up some women but none of them were having it. I give up Sherlock. -JW
You're too good for them John. -SH
You don't even know them. -JW
No but I can deduce that you're too good for them. You tend to go for those below your league. -SH
Why don't you go for men? -SH
For all of the time that I've known you, you've never attempted to date men. Why? -SH
I only really realised my sexuality recently. I don't have an interest in men right now anyways. -JW
How would you know you're bisexual if you don't seem interested in men? -SH
Oh I am interested in men well it's actually only one man. -JW
So you've got your eyes on someone? A man. -SH
I do. -JW
If you're interested in him why are you trying to pursue other women? -SH
I know he doesn't feel the same way about me so I might as well try to date other people. -JW
How do you know he doesn't feel the same way? Have you asked him? -SH
No I haven't, I just know he isn't interested. He's far too interested in his work and he doesn't seem too bothered about relationships. -JW
If you know all of this that means he's fairly close to you. Do I know him? -SH
You do. -JW
Don't you dare to even try and deduce who it is. -JW
Actually it doesn't matter, you'll never figure it out. -JW
Do you want to bet on that Dr. Watson? -SH
Sure. How much? -JW
Does 100 suffice? -SH
It does. I look forward to the 100. -JW
You're being cocky. That's my thing. -SH
Boo-hoo. -JW
So it's a man who both of us are relatively close with. -SH
Correct. -JW
That narrows it down to only a few people. -SH
It does smarty-pants. -JW
I'm actually wearing pj bottoms, hardly smart. -SH
So you're Mr. Smarty-Pants and Mr. Funny tonight. -JW
You're Mr. Lonely tonight. -SH
I hate you. -JW
Sure you do. -SH
What are you drinking tonight? -SH
How do you know I'm drinking? -JW
Come on John, that was a very easy deduction to make even Anderson could deduce that. -SH
Wait it's not Anderson is it? -SH
No it's not Anderson. -JW
Could you explain to me how you know I'm drinking? -JW
Why? It's simple. -SH
I know but I enjoy your deductions. -JW
You do? -SH
Mhm. :) -JW
Why? -SH
I find you fascinating, it's enjoyable seeing how your brain works. -JW
Irene Adler was right. -JW
Right about what? -SH
Brainy is the new sexy. -JW
Are you calling me sexy Dr. Watson? -SH
Maybe. Maybe not. Your brain most definitely, Detective Holmes. -JW
You're at wedding, every wedding has alcohol. You enjoy drinking alcohol. You went to a wedding without a date, you dislike your family therefore you are most likely sitting at a table alone. Put all of the factors into play and we can deduce that you're drinking. -SH
So what are you drinking? -SH
Whiskey? -SH
Do you ever get tired of being right? -JW
Do you ever get tired of being amazed? -SH
:) -JW
I'll grab some whiskey from the cupboard and join you. -SH
You're actually going to drink? -JW
I am. I'll be right back. -SH
Hello, I'm back. :) -SH
Hello. :) -JW
Can I have proof of you drinking? -JW
How will I show you proof? I assure you I am not lying. I am drinking whiskey. -SH
Send me a selfie with your glass. -JW
Don't be absurd. I'm not sending you a selfie. -SH
Please Sherlock. -JW
No. -SH
I'll send one back! :) -JW
Okay fine but we cannot speak of this again nor can you share the picture with anybody. -SH
Why would I do such a thing Mr. Holmes. ;) -JW
Nor must you ever mention that I use emoticons whilst we text. -SH
Scouts honour. -JW
You're mocking me. -SH
You're delaying sending me a selfie. -JW
You're smarter than you look. -SH
So pretty damn smart? -JW
Pretty damn smart. -SH
Selfie. Now. Please. -JW
Okay give me a second.
(One Image Sent)
Oh wow you really are drinking. -JW
I am. -SH
I like your hair. -JW
My hair looks like this all of the time. -SH
I know. -JW
Your turn. You send me a selfie now. -SH
I'm going to look silly taking a picture. -JW
Nobody will be looking at you. -SH
Oh gee thanks.
You forgot to sign your text. -SH
I feel a little drunk. I can't be bothered to sign my texts. I only sign them when I text you. Appreciate that please.
I do appreciate it.
Good.
Wait you didn't sign yours?
I'm feeling a little drunk too.
You're such a lightweight.
I'm not.
Yeaaa you are
I'm notttt
Selfie. Now.
Yes sir. Sorry sir.
I'm the captain not you.
Sorry Captain Watson.
That's right ;)
(One Image Sent)
You look rather fetching in your suit.
Why thank you, but it's not the 1900s Sherlock you can use another adjective.
You look rather handsome in your suit
Thank you :)
You're welcome :)
How long are you planning on staying?
The event finishes at 10pm and as I haven't secured a date I'll probably leave at that time unless my mother keeps me here
Why would she do that?
To talk. Set me up with someone. I don't know.
You're interested in somebody, tell her.
Then she'd ask who and I can't reveal that
Why not
She's my mum and the person is a guy remember and she'd ask why I didn't bring him
Why didn't you bring him
You're not using punctuation
Neither are you
King of Literacy has lost his reign
The alcohol is clouding my mind I can't focus on literacy
You're ignoring my question
I did ask him well he actually offered to go with me but then I realised my homophobic parents and family so I decided against it
Your crush said he'd accompany you to a wedding and you think he doesn't like you
You offered to accompany me the wedding does that mean you like me
I do like you
We're best friends
Right yeah. Best friendssss
Can I have another selfie?
Noooo I'm far too gone
You're drunk?
Yep
How can you tell
I'm a doctor
As you keep telling us so often
Are you drunk?
I am
How do you knoww
I'm a genius you seee
Oh yeah how did I forget I'm talking to the man the myth the legend, Sherlock Holmes
You really have put me on a pedestal
I put you on one long ago
You shouldn't turn people into heros
I never said you were a hero
It seems like you did
You're close to one
You're just a dick sometimes
Got to keep the facade up somehow
I like talking to you Sherlock
I like talking to you too John
That's a very nice compliment
You don't like to talk to ordinary people, we're too boring according to you
Well you're not boring
Thank you :)
You're welcome
I really am giving too many compliments
What have you done to me
You're becoming human Sherlock
Oh noooo
It must be the alcohol
Must be
It's 10pm are you coming home
I am currently trying to sneak past my mother
Good luck
Thanks master
No problem Captain
Make sure to get a cab I don't have the energy or brain power to pick you up from the street
I'm not a child Sherlock I can make it home
I will get a cab
Okay I made it out. Just trying to hail a cab
Okay great
How do you do it
Do what
Hail a cab. You're a magician. They just appear out of nowhere when I'm with you
I'm a tall man, they probably can't even see you
So you're a comedian when you're intoxicated
Are you still waiting for a cab
Yeah but there's none around here
Would it be a stretch to ask your brother to send me a car
No not at all, he's probably watching you right now
The man is literally the British government surely he has better things to do on a Saturday night than watching me struggle to hail a fuckin cab
Calm down John
I am calm
Good
I'm just gonna text Mycroft
Mycroft you're watching me right?
I am indeed. In need of assistance? -MH
Surely you have better things to do than watch me
I do but I find your struggle quite entertaining. -MH
A car will be on the way shortly. -MH
Thank you Mycroft. I appreciate it.
Why are you not signing off your texts? -MH
I'm drunk. I cannot be bothered.
You're using correct grammar and forming coherent sentences but you cannot simply sign off your texts. Interesting. -MH
I'm texting the British government I have some sort of respect. You have my number saved anyways.
You can see me struggling to text can't you?
I can. -MH
Additionally, I am not the British Government. I have a minor position in the British Government. -MH
Yeah sure sure. How's the brexit deal going?
Are you attempting to be humorous? -MH
If you are please refrain from doing so. -MH
Sometimes I wonder how you and Sherlock are related then you say stuff like that
Speaking of Sherlock. How is he? -MH
As of right now he's good. Currently drunk
Sherlock is drunk? He never drinks, what caused him to drink? -MH
I was lonely at the wedding so he decided to drink with me to make me feel better
You really have changed my brother.-MH
Have you two finally confessed your undying love for one another? -MH
Are you attempting to be humorous now
Don't be preposterous, of course not. -MH
It was a serious question. -MH
Noooo I don't love him and he doesn't love me
You are wrong Doctor Watson. -MH
Your car is arriving now. -MH
Take care. -MH
Thank you.
You too.
Your brother sent me car
I'm on my way home now
He can be nice sometimes
I suppose so
It's fun being friends with you. You've connected me to so many powerful people
I believe I have the princes phone number
Have you texted him before
No of course not
I think he's your type
He's gay?
Yep
You don't even know my type in men. I don't even know my type in men
What's your type then
That'd be cheating if I told you
I thought you'd be too drunk to remember
Give me credit where credit is due
Besides the only type I have is the man I have a crush on
And that would be
Why do you want to know
Jealous?
Maybe. Maybe not.
Which powerful people do you text
Only Mycroft
You text Mycroft?
I thought you only spoke in secluded warehouses
When he doesn't have the time to kidnap me he texts or when I feel bored I text him
What do you text him
Stupid things
Like what
Things about his umbrella or suits or his position in the government
It's funny annoying him
You would be the only one that dares to annoy him
He's not as scary as he thinks he is
Most definitely not
How far away are you?
Not too far
Would you like to play headbands when you get home
I would
Excellent
I'll set it up
See you soon
See you