30
Sirius had thought losing control of his magic the way that he had should have been much less painful.
Then again, he seemed to be caught in a horrible churning tide. He was barely aware of the searing pain that tormented his broken body from allowing his magic to course through his veins, no longer in control.
He couldn't even remember if Moony and Tonks had escorted him back to his parents' house or not, but before he could ponder it further, he was brutally aware of the searing, white-hot flares of pain that tormented his body, which was drained and exhausted from his little display towards Everett.
Merlin knew how the hell bloody long ago it had been now. Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Days? Weeks? Months?
It was almost more than Black could bear. Sirius's muscles attempted to writhe in agony where he lay, but his aching bones and muscles kept him pinned in place.
Then, just as quickly, he felt himself succumbing to the nothingness that threatened to engulf him entirely. A black void in which he ceased to exist.
And then a horrible pain searing his body, rendering him unable to move at all. Perhaps this was the seven layers of Hell itself. No more and no less than he deserved, considering he had failed to protect Renee.
He deserved an eternity of torture for what he had done.
Sirius could handle this much better than he could the remorse he'd felt when he had kissed her and so coldly left the room, leaving Renee on her own, and now, bloody hell, she had been kidnapped by Everett.
All Sirius could manage to focus on was Barreau's pleading blue eyes, brimming with glistening, salty tears as she had silently pleaded with Sirius to help her.
Even now, Sirius could see Renee clearly before him, despite the fact that his eyes remained closed. His mind, his heart, for that matter, what little was left of it, could think of nothing but saving Barreau.
The one who he had horribly failed, the young Muggle who had gotten under his skin, permeating his thoughts, the one who made Sirius feel loved, honorable, and perhaps whole for the first time in his life.
He had left her. He'd told himself there was no other way. Sirius had thought he'd been keeping Renee safe by pushing her away, keeping her at arm's length.
Although his reasons had been pure, Black told himself, Sirius had more or less thrown everything away for a life: that he did not love Renee.
But Merlin, never had a woman, much less a Muggle, affected him the way Barreau had done, from the moment she had fallen through his bloody kitchen ceiling on accident.
Renee had affected him in ways the young woman wasn't even aware of, trying to make him believe he was better than the womanizing monster he knew himself to be, his past self-flitting through witches like they were no more than used parchment paper, fun in the moment, but never in it for a long-term future.
She made him want that, for the first time in his life, and now, it was too late. Too Merlin-damned late.
Sirius wallowed in his misery, alone in his eternal darkness, longing for the young Muggle that ran the Broken Spoon Café, that made the best chocolate muffin he'd ever had the pleasure to taste, though her muffins couldn't hold a candle to the sweetness of her kiss.
It was the memory of Barreau that would be Black's comfort and still, Sirius felt rather fortunate. He would not give up on Barreau again.
Sirius kept his eyes squeezed tightly shut, forcing himself to focus on the remembrance of her lips pressed against his, her skin pressed against his, that his mind almost conjured a phantasm of her, as if she were here, not quite a ghost, but not alive, either.
For the few precious moments, his tormented mind would grant him, Sirius could enjoy Renee and imagine he'd not failed Renee. Sirius's eyes flung wide open as his body felt like it was on fire.
Even suffering under the Dementors' during his twelve-year stint in Azkaban, the pain had not been so fierce or brutal as what he felt right now. He wanted to scream, from pain, from anger, betrayal, hurt, and heartache, and from fear as the phantasm of Renee slowly faded from the confines of his mind.
What did he have left if not the memories?
Suddenly, as if appearing out of nowhere, a horrible blinding white light burned itself into his vision. It was dim like the faint ember of a candle, and yet, to Sirius's blackened vison, agonizing, nonetheless.
The source of the unknown, foreign light very nearly blinded poor Sirius. Everything weighed down on him.
The burning air shocked his lungs as he gasped. The darkness was gone as Sirius found himself surfacing from the horrible darkness, staring up at a dark stone of a horrible ceiling or was this…rubble?
What the bloody hell?
His chest heaved as his heart, now little more than a throbbing mass of corded muscle in his chest, struggled to find his rhythm.
Sirius tried to flex his fingers and toes, but his limbs bloody refused to budge. Every time he tried merely sent an explosion of pain, white-hot flaring agony spiraling through him.
Sirius didn't want to even think of what torment waited him as the darkness continued to flee from him, lying motionless in dread for more suffering to start.
He swore he heard Renee's voice, speaking to him, though she sounded faint, muffled, and coming from somewhere above his head.
"No…" Sirius whispered in a hoarse grumble, amazed he could even find his voice.
Had Renee somehow died too? Had Everett killed her? Was that why he could hear her voice nearby? He could barely breathe, though his lungs gasped for air.
Sirius struggled to force his eyes open. The effort nearly sapped him of all his strength, what little was left.
It felt to Black as if something of equal will was raging war within him, trying to keep his body broken, battered, and completely engulfed in the darkness. He tried again. If Renee was alive, then he had to try. He had to see her, to know what it all meant.
Almost grunting with the effort, Sirius forced his eyes open, though it came at a great cost. His eyes' effort to open was met by the burning pain of that stupid white light once more. If this was Heaven, he didn't want it.
His body still remained broken and motionless despite his best efforts to move his fingers.
Nothing. Sirius cursed himself thinking how he could have been so careless. But then he heard Renee's voice speaking.
"That's it," came her soft, quiet voice through the haze of his tormented mind. "Fight it. Come back to us," she cried from somewhere beyond his line of sight.
He heard Renee's voice speaking again. That meant Barreau wasn't dead, and he wasn't dead, either. He was…bloody hell, he was alive.
The memories flooded back into his stream of consciousness, fleeting images as though he were viewing what happened in a Pensieve. Everett sneaking up behind him and Moony. Everett kidnapping Renee.
How he'd lost control, and he swore the sound of an explosion rang in his still throbbing and pounding eardrums, which were now filled with a fatigued ringing, almost deafening, it was.
How one moment, Renee had been within his grasp, and then the next, that bastard had kidnapped her, and Disapparated before Sirius could even think.
He could see her face, plain as day, her eyebrows creased together with worry, tears dripping from her lids in an uncontrollable way as she silently begged him to help her. She had pleaded with him to help her.
Merlin's Beard! Oh, God! His mind practically screamed at him.
He had…he had failed her, as good as killed her, even if it wasn't by his hands. What in the seven bloody hells had he done to Renee?!
His heart sank to the pit of his churning stomach, even lower than the depths from which he'd emerged. Sirius felt like he lacked the strength to go on.
He knew he had to be alive, but Renee was as good as dead, and if she was dead, then he had no wish to be alive. Moony had Dora and Teddy now. He'd be fine. Harry had Ginny and the entire Weasley family looking after him. His two godsons would be just fine.
He had essentially given up the one person in his otherwise desolate, miserable life who had taught him what it truly meant to love, killed her. Sirius closed his eyes and let himself go. He wanted nothing more than to fall back into the darkness to let it consume him wholly.
Sirius allowed himself to relax into the void, praying to Merlin and His Light, that it would end his sorrow. He wanted no more part of this.
"Renee," he sighed, his name on her lips, the only word he uttered before slipping into sleep.
Sirius stared absently into the fire in the living room parlor of a place he was unfamiliar with, wishing that for the second time in his life, that he would have just been killed.
He could not remember even moving from the chair, much less how he'd gotten back to Headquarters in his current deteriorated physical state. His body was horribly slow at returning to normal.
His curiosity got the better of him as slowly, his eyes remained open and he looked around for any sign of who had brought him back, hoping it had been Moony or Tonks that had taken him back.
Directly to his right, curled up in a spare black leather armchair, almost as still and lifeless as a statute, a girl, one he did not recognize, was curled up in the chair.
At this, he gave a sudden start as Sirius's hardened pale grey orbs drifted upwards to her white-blonde hair, cropped short, just like Renee's, hoping she'd been found and that Everett hadn't harmed her.
His heart sank to the pit of his churning stomach when he realized as she shifted slightly, her mouth slightly open, that it wasn't Renee.
Though this new woman looked a hell of a lot like her, and Sirius's inner paranoia wondered if perhaps Everett had enticed a witch off the streets to drink Polyjuice Potion to assume Barreau's likeness, just to mess with him.
She was just as petite and tiny, her hair cut in a similar style, but it was bone-white in color, slightly shaggier and a little bit longer, her cheekbones more emaciated, and dark purple bags clung underneath her lids.
She looked quite ill and utterly exhausted. Briefly, she looked kind of like Moony did whenever he suffered from his 'furry little problem' once a month, and he wondered if this woman was a werewolf, too.
Her hands, delicate and small, lay limply in her lap, though it looked as though she had previously been reading a leatherbound copy of an old book of some sorts while seemingly lying in wait for Black to rouse from his deep sleep.
Her head slumped forward, her long white bangs covering her eyes, shielding him from view. Sirius swallowed as he struggled to lift his head.
Now would definitely be a good time to go. Sirius gritted his teeth with the effort to lift himself from the armchair, discovering to his dismay that he was entirely too weak to move.
Just the effort of lifting his head off the headrest of the peeling black leather armchair caused Black to let out an involuntary groan.
Unfortunately, his movement did not go unnoticed.
His stomach churned in painful apprehension the moment the young blonde witch stirred in her chair during her deep sleep, then slowly raised her head and pushed the bangs of her white-blonde pixie cut off her face.
Seven hells, he thought miserably to himself. Damnation. She's pretty. Almost looks like Barreau.
Her pale blue orbs blinked once, twice, three times to rid the crust from her lids during sleep for a moment before her gaze landed on Sirius, who inwardly flinched but didn't look away from her now that this witch discovered him.
"Oh, good, you're finally awake!" she exclaimed in surprise, bolting to her feet, and causing the book that had been resting on her lap to fall to the hardwood floor at her feet with a loud, resounding crash that made Sirius jump, causing him to let out a low moan of pain at the movement.
If the new witch took notice of this, she either ignored it or hadn't paid attention.
"Thank Merlin. I was starting to get worried you might not wake up at all. You scared the hell out of us, Black."
How the bloody hell does she know my name? Sirius thought, furrowing his brows in a light frown of annoyance as he gave her European features a once-over.
The young witch, who was close to Barreau's age, she could not have been older than thirty, a few years younger than Sirius himself, knelt to pick up the book she'd accidentally dropped before setting it down on the side table next to the chair she had been occupying.
Sirius attempted to turn his head to escape the pretty blonde witch's piercing blue gaze, but even that proved to be too tremendous an undertaking for his body to suffer through at this point in time.
Repressing a sigh, he settled to sit back against the armchair, helpless, as she walked cautiously towards him, carrying what looked to be a heavily laden wooden basin of medical supplies, her wand made of unicorn hair and dragon heartstring perched precariously on top.
Sirius let out a barely audible groan as she paused a few feet in front of him, blocking his view of the lit fire in the fireplace, waving her wand, and pulling the chair opposite him closer.
"How are you feeling?" the new witch asked softly, looking at Sirius with raised thin eyebrows.
Now, it was Sirius's turn to raise his brows the young blonde witch's way. No one, save for maybe Moony and Barreau, had ever asked after his health before.
On the contrary, even now that his name was cleared of all charges following his release from Azkaban Prison, there were still some in the streets of downtown London and Diagon Alley that wished to express the desire that Black go drown himself in the Thames river.
There were those who still thought him guilty, no matter that the Ministry had pardoned him.
He parted his cracked, bleeding lips to speak, but his throat was parched, and only a dry, hoarse cough escaped his lips.
Noticing his struggle, the young thirty-year-old blonde quickly waved her wand, conjuring a tin flagon of ice water, he could hear the cubes clinking inside the container, she'd probably conjured it from the kitchens and poured Sirius a glass.
Sirius felt a stab of a fear prick at his heart, considering he lacked the strength to raise his wand against this witch if it turned, she meant him harm, or where his wand was.
However, the young blonde witch merely passed one of her arms behind his bruised and bleeding shoulders and tried to raise him upright to a sitting position.
Without any kind of success on her part.
Compelled to act and help the witch, who was practically grunting with the effort to get him to sit upright, Sirius forced himself to summon what meager strength left he possessed and assisted the thirty-year-old beautiful blonde witch in elevating him enough to allow her to hold the goblet of ice water to his lips.
"Slow down, you'll get sick to your stomach if you drink it too fast. Nice and easy, Black, that's it," she cautioned as he heavily drank until she tore the cup away from his lips and set it on the small wooden night table next to Sirius's armchair.
As she eased him back in his chair, Sirius remembered something: her sweet, soft voice. Low and husky.
He'd heard it before, calling out to him to stay. On the brink of death, he'd heard a low, feminine voice. It had told him to come back, to fight it, that he would be all right if he just stayed awake for her, then.
Strangely moved with emotion, he managed to speak in a hoarse whisper now that he'd had water, "Who the hell are you?" he barked in a raspy whisper.
Sleep threatened to take hold of him again, but he fought against the urge to let it claim him, willing himself to speak again, this time, in a more polite tone, sensing how the young woman flinched away in shock.
"What is your name?" he asked, kindlier. "And where the bloody hell am I?" Sirius growled, flinging his eyes open and forcing himself to look around the room at what he now knew to be unfamiliar surroundings.
He definitely wasn't back at Headquarters. There was no sign of Moony or Dora. He flinched the moment the words were out of his mouth, thinking this woman, whoever she was, did not deserve the venom he'd flung her way in a moment of self-pity and despair, but it was too late to take it back. When she spoke, her quiet, shy voice was faint.
"Norah, Sirius. Norah Brennan. My husband, Ollie, is a close friend of your cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, we all work alongside each other at the Ministry, but in different departments, and right now, he might be your only shot at finding her."
The young blonde witch's tone was clipped and hardened in response to Sirius's aggression, and she pursed her lips into a thin line as his eyes widened.
Merlin's left...Ollie?! He was…he was in Brennan's house? But when the bloody hell had that stupid pisscloak gotten married?
More important, what witch would be dumb enough to fall for such a temperamental bastard? This one, apparently.
The last he had seen of his cousin's best friend had been years ago at The Three Broomsticks and Sirius had been too drunk at the time to remember what the bloody hell had happened, just that the two men had argued over something trivial, and Ollie had won that fight, though both men had received a lifelong ban from the tavern by Madame Rosmerta, never to enter the bar again.
Though, by the time Brennan was done with it and him, there wasn't much of a tavern left still standing…
Norah Brennan, that pretty blonde witch with the brilliant blue eyes currently regarding him with a wave of smoldering, fathomless anger at the hostile way Sirius had reacted to her just now, spoke to him again.
"You are in our home. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin thought to bring you here after you passed out, Mrs. Lupin in particular wants to speak to Ollie about something. Says you have a problem with a girl she's hoping he can solve. He'll find her for you, Black, but there's something else. You, ah…" Her voice cracked and warbled as it trailed off. "You…blew up a street, Mr. Black. You were angry. You lost control. It wasn't your fault," she emphasized, giving her head a curt shake. "Nobody was hurt," she added quickly, sensing the dawning look of horror on Sirius's face as his face paled and turned an interesting shade of green. "The few Muggles that were in the vicinity were able to have their minds wiped and their memories modified. The building was mostly repaired, but for the street that needs a bit more work, the Muggles believe a gas pipe exploded and it's sealed off for the time being until the rest of the repairs can be made, but it's meant overtime for my husband at the Ministry, but Ollie should be home soon, I hope."
Sirius's eyes widened in shock as his mind fought to process Norah Brennan's words. Oh, Merlin! He'd…blown up a street? Had he really lost that much control?!
"You are not a prisoner here, Mr. Black," Norah spoke up, a muscle in her jaw twitching as she noticed Sirius's narrowed gaze flitting towards the locked door.
"You call this freedom, Mrs. Brennan?" Sirius asked in disgust, noticing how the young blonde witch nervously began twisting the plain gold wedding band she wore proudly on her left ring finger, biting her lip.
"I call this protection, Black," Norah snapped back.
"Oh yes, locked doors as protection?" Sirius mocked in disbelief, snorting, and rolling his eyes in disgust.
"Yes." Norah held firm and steadfast in her resolve, brushing her hands on the skirts on the skirts of her black lace dress. "It is the best we could do. It was Lupin and Tonks's idea, Black. Until you…got yourself under control again. It is the best place for you right now. You are not a prisoner," Norah repeated patiently.
Sirius swore he saw a shadow of shame cross before Norah Brennan's piercing pale blue eyes that reminded him almost painfully of Renee and his heart gave a painful lurch as worry wormed its way to his stomach.
"You will be safe here, Mr. Black, I can assure you of that," Norah promised quietly. "For now. As long as you stay in this room and let us help you, Mr. Black."
"Help me by having him find her," Sirius growled, no traces of warmth throughout his voice as Norah stared.
He leaned forward enough in his armchair, summoning what meager strength he possessed left to look Tonks's friend in her crystalline blue eyes that painfully reminded him of Barreau's eyes, and he prayed to Merlin Above that Renee was still alive.
Silence brooded before Norah exhaled a relieved sigh.
"I want nothing more than to see the Morning Killer's head on a spike," Sirius growled through gritted teeth, almost able to feel Norah Brennan give a start at his hardened face which matched the ice in his voice.
A muscle in Norah's jaw twitched and she swallowed down thickly past a growing lump in her throat.
When she spoke, her voice trembled and became softer, more subdued than before, losing its hardened edges in response to Sirius's initial aggression towards her, then.
"I want that too," she whispered in a hoarse whisper that was more of a half-choked sob, and when she lifted her gaze to look Sirius in the eyes, her bright blue eyes the color of a robin's egg or the sky after a fresh rainfall were brimming with tears, which he thought odd. "More than you know," she managed to gasp out.
Sirius quirked a brow at his cousin's friend, wondering what the reason was for her shift in mood.
"Why?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him, as the young blonde witch turned on the heels of her boots to leave him in peace as sleep threatened to consume him. "You look as though you know him."
His heart gave a painful lurch at that very concept. "Do you?" he pressed, his voice escaping him in what Sirius could only be described as a low, menacing growl.
He saw the blonde witch give a start at his words, her hand hovering over the brass doorknob of the door.
Norah Brennan's posture stiffened upon hearing Sirius Black's words, and when the witch slowly pivoted at the waist and exhaled a deep, shaking breath through her nostrils, slowly lifting her head, Sirius was surprised to see tears falling from her lids.
When Norah spoke, her voice was so faint that Sirius had to lean forward to hear her better, thinking that at first, she hadn't spoken at all, that Dora's best friend had perhaps momentarily lost the power of speech.
When she did regain control of her voice as she struggled to find the right words, what she said next sent a chill through Sirius's veins, turning his blood to ice and utterly freezing over his insides.
"I do," she confessed in a small and meek sounding voice that was so soft and so faint, it was barely a whisper, lifting her chin and jutting it out slightly defiantly to better meet Sirius's piercing gaze that felt to Norah like he threatened to burn a hole in the back of her skull hotter than any dragon could flame if she didn't start talking to him and telling him the bloody whole truth.
"How?" he growled, not sure he wanted to know the answer, but knowing he needed it, one way or another.
Her next words sent a chill down his spine. Norah hesitated, biting down on her bottom lip and twisting her hands painfully together.
"He's…he's my brother."
Yikes. Yet again (as seems to be becoming the trend in most of my HP fics since I started Worth the Risk all those months ago,) my 2nd favorite ship, Nollie, (Norah and Ollie) makes yet another appearance in this little AU fic of mine, each of their roles in all my stories different than the last, but hopefully just as good to avoid repetition of sorts.
They were two characters that really grew on me in Risk and since I kind of glossed over them, I keep finding ways to slip them into my stories, and as such, have started working on their own little spin-off story on here set in an AU called Never Alone, that's primarily a Remadora/Nollie story with a heavy bit of Greyback involved because I do love me a good villain in my stories to give that light vs. dark conflict.
Anyways, that plot twist, though. Hopefully, Sirius will react well enough to Norah Brennan's surprise revelation and won't blow up their house in the process in his anger! XD