Chapter 13

Relief flooded through me as I sat holding Daniel's hand. I didn't think about what might be around the corner, or how we would be together, or how I would deal with people knowing about me being with him if and when they found out—I thought only about the moment. He felt the same way I did, and I no longer had to worry about rejection. Monica was right. I could imagine the grin on her face when she found out I actually talked to him.

"What do you want to do now?" Daniel asked. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No." My stomach rumbled to remind me.

"Me neither. I was anxious about seeing you."

"Were you?"

"Even though I knew it wasn't likely, I still hoped that maybe—" He shrugged and smiled. "This is why I don't get involved with people. I pretended it didn't bother me, but I was upset when my professor ditched me. Up until that night you and I were together, I never expected anything. I kept telling myself you were just caring and friendly and there was nothing in it, but I still started to have feelings for you."

Hearing that, my heart swelled, and I squeezed his hand more firmly. It seemed natural to lean over and give him a kiss on the lips. He returned it warmly, although it didn't deepen.

"We should have something to eat." My stomach protested its emptiness again. "It's not that late. It'll have to be takeaway, though. I haven't much in."

"Unless you want to go out somewhere? Or maybe you don't want to be seen actually out with me. I don't know."

"Why wouldn't I want to be seen with you?" I frowned.

"Because people know who I am. I don't broadcast it but It's no secret I'm gay."

I immediately thought of Ulrik. "I know one of the Mobsters is homophobic," I said. "Ulrik, the one you met briefly. But if any of them don't like it, fuck them. I'm their President. They can accept it or keep their mouths shut."

"Wow. I thought you'd probably want to keep things quiet." Daniel smiled.

"Well, I'm not going to a gay bar, or to that Pride thing." I grimaced at the thought. "But I'm not ashamed either."

"You know, we haven't even talked about what it is between us. I mean, you admitted you're attracted to me. But are we going to see each other? Like, um, dating?"

"Well, yeah," I said, as if it were obvious.

He laughed a little. "Let's just keep it quiet for now, okay? I haven't run into that much trouble personally, but there's always someone who wants to make things difficult. You haven't had the time to think about this properly, have you?"

"No," I admitted. I imagined myself arriving at a meeting with the Mobsters, and Ulrik announcing to the rest of them: "Here's our fag leader." I doubted he would do that, but I expected him to say something to me in private and it wouldn't be pleasant. I had no idea about the others.

"Well, there's no need to announce it to everyone." Daniel got to his feet and pulled me up. "Let's go and get food and a couple of beers. I don't expect you to hold my hand or kiss me in public." He smirked. "Not yet anyway."

I stared at him in alarm. I couldn't imagine myself doing that. I'd never been into public displays of affection. I hadn't even held Monica's hand in public, except on our wedding day.

Daniel chuckled. "Stop worrying so much. I haven't had a date in ten years; you know that. When I was with the professor, he never came near me in public because I was his student. He'd have got in the shit for it. So really, this is new to me too. To anybody out there who sees us, we're just a couple of friends hanging out together."

I relaxed and grinned. "It's not just about you. Even when I was with Monica, I never kissed her in front of anyone except when we got married."

"So, stop worrying about it, then. I'm not going to try and change you in that way. It'd be nice if you kissed me within these four walls, though. Or my four walls." He leaned closer and kissed the corner of my mouth. "Come on, I'm starving." He let go of me, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door.

A couple of minutes later we were in Daniel's new car heading for the centre of the city. "I feel like I'm sitting on the road," I said.

"It's not that low. It's just a lot different to your truck."

"Have you ever been on a bike?"

"No." He glanced at me briefly and smiled. "I could be persuaded to ride on the back of yours. I'd look hot in leathers."

I grinned. "Shut up. You look hot anyway."

He looked at me again. "Are you flirting with me, Petter?"

"I wouldn't know how to. Keep your eyes on the road. You don't want to crash this nice car."

I enjoyed the banter. Now everything was out in the open, there were no awkward silences, and I didn't feel like I had to watch what I said—not that I said much ordinarily. Daniel chattered away like he always did but he didn't hold back on teasing me or being what I guessed was flirty, until we parked outside a bar. Then he switched back to the way he had always been with me—still talkative, but only in a casual friendly way.

We ordered burgers because it was the fastest thing for the servers to prepare and drank beer while we waited. My phone beeped with a text and I checked it quickly. "Have you talked to him yet?"

I groaned. "It's Monica," I explained as Daniel glanced at me. "I sort of talked to her."

"About me?"

"Yes."

"What did she say?"

"That I should talk to you. She knows how useless I am at it, but she made me see I didn't have anything to lose—except maybe you if I didn't lay my cards on the table."

Daniel grinned. "Monica is awesome. Are you going to answer her?"

"I suppose, or she'll just call me." I tapped out a quick message: "We are on a date." The reply came in seconds—a row of emojis with hearts for eyes. I smirked and put the phone away. "She approves."

"She doesn't care that you want to be with a—well, me?"

"No. She just wants me to be happy and she likes you." I finished the last bite of my burger and pushed the plate aside. "I'm still hungry. Do you want dessert?"

"The chocolate brownies here are pretty amazing," Daniel said.

We ordered some with ice cream and he was right—they were delicious. When the bill came, Daniel pulled out his wallet. "I'll get this. We're celebrating my new job, remember? And the salary is a lot more than what was advertised for the columnist."

"In that case, I'm not going to argue."

We went outside to the car and got in. "What do you want to do now?" Daniel asked. "I can drop you off home, or—" He left the sentence hanging.

"I haven't seen your apartment yet," I reminded him. "I could use a coffee."

"Okay." He beamed and started the engine.

Daniel's apartment was roughly the same size as mine in area, but with only one bedroom, each of the rooms were bigger than mine. It was sparsely furnished with only the basics, but a clutter of paperwork, books, old copies of Aftonposten, and CDs were scattered about. I smiled as I looked around. It was so "him" even after only three days.

I opened the fridge to get milk as Daniel started making coffee, and found it empty except for beer, bread, and leftover takeaway, plus a couple of cartons of milk.

"Don't you cook for yourself?" I asked him.

"I haven't had the chance to buy groceries yet, but I can't really be bothered. It was worth it for the two of us."

"You should look after yourself better."

"The same could be said for you. What have you been eating since I moved out?"

"Not much," I admitted. "Monica brought me some sandwiches to the garage when she gave me a grilling about you."

Daniel snorted. "I'm glad she did. Give you a grilling, I mean."

"Me too."

We stood in the kitchen leaning against the counters while we drank our coffee. As easy as things had been since our conversation, now I felt nervous again. Would anything happen between us? I stared at Daniel and tried not to make it obvious as I took in every little detail. He was wearing the long-sleeved grey tee shirt he'd had on when he overdosed, with tight black jeans that looked new. A patterned scarf I hadn't seen before hung around his neck. He loved scarves and had at least a dozen that I knew of.

I put my empty mug down and tucked my thumbs into my belt loops. I didn't know what to do with myself. What I wanted, was to grab him and kiss him; to hold him against my body and repeat what we did a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't seem to make myself cross the kitchen to him and do that. It wasn't as if I feared rejection anymore or was unsure what I wanted. I was just nervous. The kissing and the groping would be easy enough, but what happened after that? What if he wanted to fuck? I wouldn't know where to start.

"Petter." Suddenly he was in front of me with his hands on my chest. "Stop worrying so much. Just kiss me."

"Am I that obvious?"

"Little bit." He smiled and leaned in to brush his lips across mine.

I kissed him back. His lips were soft, while the skin around them was rough from stubble. I slid my arms around him and pushed my tongue into his mouth. My anxiety evaporated as I held him against me, and I quickly began to get aroused. He moaned softly as I deepened the kiss, and his tongue stroked over mine as he pushed back, fighting me for dominance. He parted his legs and pressed one between mine so I could feel the hard ridge of his erection against my thigh. I groaned as my own hard-on nudged his leg. Thank God I didn't have my leathers on, which were a lot tighter than my jeans.

Daniel pulled back and kissed his way down the side of my neck. His lower body moved away from mine and I groaned in protest at the loss of contact, until he ran a hand down my chest to my crotch and palmed me firmly through my pants.

"Oh fuck," I muttered. I pulled his hand off me and he met my eyes.

"Sorry, don't you want—?"

"Let's not do this in the kitchen, okay?"

He smiled and led me into his bedroom. Once there, he tossed his scarf onto a chair in the corner and began unbuttoning his tee shirt, which had three or four buttons at the top. Then he pulled it free of his jeans and peeled it off over his head. I took my half-fastened shirt off and dropped it on the floor, then added the tee shirt I wore underneath to the pile.

Before Daniel could take anything else off, I drew him close to me again and kissed him. His chest was warm and smooth against mine. I stroked his back, exploring every inch of skin and caressing his shoulders. He groaned and squirmed against me, rubbing his groin against mine. His arms were around my neck, fingers combing through my hair and nails scratching my scalp. Goosebumps broke out on my skin and my spine quivered. I slid a hand between us and slowly unbuttoned his fly. My hand shook as I reached the last button, and my knuckles brushed his erection through his underwear. He broke the kiss with a groan.

I took my hands off him and unzipped my jeans. My dick ached and my briefs were damp. I hadn't been this turned on in a long time. My heart hammered and I breathed raggedly. I was desperate to feel his hands on me, but I didn't want it to be over in five minutes.

Daniel toed off his shoes and pushed his jeans down, then stepped out of them, leaving him in only plain grey boxer briefs which did nothing to disguise how hard he was. I stared as I bent to take off my boots and jeans. His gaze followed my hands as I undressed, then fixed on the bulge in my underwear. He moved close to me again and we both groaned as our groins rubbed against each other.

I lowered my head to kiss Daniel's neck and gently bit the skin there. He rolled his head back with a moan and clutched my shoulders. I wrapped an arm around his waist to support him as I bent forward and lowered him onto the mattress. A moment later I found myself lying between his legs. He touched my face and met my eyes. His pupils were huge, and his lips red and wet from my kisses. I smiled and gyrated my hips, grinding my erection against his.

"Fuck," he gasped.

"Tell me what you want. This is kind of new to me."

"Take your underwear off. I just want to touch you."

"All right." I was a little relieved as I pulled myself off him and shed the last garment. I wanted more but I was in unfamiliar territory. Daniel wriggled out of his underwear too and tossed them across the room. His erection slapped against his belly, the tip glistening with precome. I stayed upright, kneeling between his thighs, and wrapped my hand around him.

"Oh yes." He arched his back and pushed himself through my fist.

I grabbed my dick in my other hand and began stroking us both. Daniel writhed and whimpered, and his balls pulled up. I stopped touching myself so I could concentrate on him, delighted as I watched him fall apart.

"Oh fuck, Petter!" he cried out eventually as he shot his load across his chest and dribbled over my knuckles. I leaned down to smother his sounds with a kiss. He pushed me off, gasping. "Fuck." Eyes gleaming, he smiled up at me. "Now it's your turn."