Summary: Making peace with your history can be difficult when half your history is a blank slate. A timely gift from an unexpected source may help Merlin take a small step in the right direction.

There were several reasons for the meeting of kingdoms to be postponed a month. Morgana and Mordred were dead, true, but Saxon activity was still high and small bands of attacking forces were making their presence known in several regions. Travel - any travel - was dangerous, and even a small royal envoy could only move so quickly. It was a mark of high respect both for Camelot and for the issues at stake that so many ruling families were willing to risk making the journey at all.

Security issues weren't the only reason Arthur was grateful for the delay however. It also gave him time to prepare exactly the type of questions he would ask on the subject of magic and how to prioritize treaties with some kingdoms while not neglecting hospitality to others. There was a lot to process and a small outbreak of illness in the lower town meant Merlin's path didn't linger across his for several days. The king had forgotten how much the other man's presence grounded him in times like this.

After a poor attempt at a night's sleep Arthur found himself watching the sunrise from the eastern battlements when his friend approached him with an expression the king could only describe as uncertain.

"What has you up and about so early"

"I'm a servant, I'm supposed to be up early."

"Finally realizing that? What brought you up here?"

"I went to your chambers but when the only snores coming from them were Gwen's I realized you must have had a bad night too. This is where you come when that happens. Seeing the city at peace calms you down."

"She's cute when she snores." Merlin rolled his eyes and leaned on the wall next to him. Arthur watched him out of the corner of his eye. "What calms you down?"

"Hm." Merlin poked his chin thoughtfully. "Letters from my mother talking about the simple farming routine she has. Smell of herbs drying over the fire. Warm breezes. Knowing I can tell you something important and you won't just ignore me anymore. Little things like that."

The king raised an eyebrow and turned to look at him fully. "And what important thing do you need to tell me right now?"

"Among other things, that you should be wary of Alined's opinions when it comes to how sorcerers deserve to be treated."

"I know he supported my father's opinions-

"Claimed to support them. His servant Trickler was a sorcerer and Alined used his power unreservedly in an attempt to spark war between the five kingdoms."

Arthur blew out a frustrated breath, his peaceful feeling shattered. If Merlin felt any guilt about being the cause he didn't show it, instead watching his king with a determined gaze.

"Is there a short version to this story or do I need to have breakfast first?

"He cast a love spell on you so you would make advances to Lady Vivian. When she rejected you the spell was cast on her too. Things between you played out exactly as Alined anticipated. If King Olaf had killed you in your duel Uther would have declared war, and if you had killed Olaf his people or their allies would have declared war on Camelot."

"And Alined would have profited from the sale of weapons. Probably to both sides." Arthur pondered the information. "I take it I have you to thank for my infatuation disappearing?"

"Mm yes and no. I found the way to break the spell, actually to be completely fair Kilgharrah was the one to tell me, but I convinced Gwen to help. She had the hard part."

"Which was?"

"Swallowing her pride and hurt over how you went from professing devotion to her one day and tossing her aside like a used rag the next, and giving you a kiss."

"I see. Well if it makes you feel any better I made it worth her while."

"And if you'll excuse me I need to go throw up now."

Arthur laughed. "Come on, you teased me enough before I admitted I loved her. Besides, one day you'll be gushing over someone too."

A half heartbeat's silence was all that was needed to recognize the misstep. But Merlin only said, "Princess Elena was possessed by a Sidhe."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's true. That's what I meant when I said they wanted to put one of their members on the throne. She was a changeling and after you married the fairy living inside her would have overtaken her mind and body completely. Also her nurse had a purple tongue as long as a frog's."

"Okay, okay," Arthur started pushing him along the wall. "Get inside. Now. Breakfast and something strong to drink, go get them and come tell me when they're ready."

"How much of this visit is going to be occupied in pursuing a full fledged treaty with Nemeth and Gwynedd?"

Arthur put down his fork, considering his wife's question. "Realistically there can't be much. Not unless it's a treaty that involves all the kingdoms attending. We have non-aggression pacts, in the loosest sense of the term, those can be formalized if nothing else. Anything more will probably have to wait for another time if we don't want to risk offending the other rulers by making them feel excluded from the negotiations. Besides, King Rodor's son is remaining in Nemeth for this occasion. I'd like him to be involved, as the next ruler his input will be valuable for a lasting peace."

Guinevere's expression was surprised. "I understood Mithian was his heir."

Arthur shook his head. "The King tells me the Crown Prince was in Angila conducting talks with them, Tir Mor, and Kent about the constructions of trade routes and ports when Morgana and Odin invaded. He didn't get word about what happened until it was all over."

"That must have been terrifying."

"From what I hear he's well loved by their people. For his fighting skills and even more for his way of solving issues without having to resort to using them. He'll be a valuable ally."

"One I look forward to meeting."

Quiet resumed as they finished their meal and the queen sipped the tea Merlin had obtained from a nearby druid camp. The healer hadn't promised anything specific by it but said that the herbs would help her overall health which would be important no matter what happened. It didn't taste that great Arthur could tell, but she drank it faithfully every morning and evening.

"After things are settled with Nemeth and Gwynedd I'll need to try to open a dialogue with Lot." He said when she finished.

"Escetir has never been an ally have they?"

"Not since before my father took over. I think the only reason we haven't had more trouble is Lot knows Camelot's army is far superior to his. And he has no sorceress to back him the way Cenred did."

"That's not exactly reassuring. Assuming we do convince him to sign a treaty who does that leave? Odin?"

The king willed his shoulders not to tense. "I think more than a year is going to be necessary before any party involved is going to be ready for that challenge."

She nodded in acceptance although her concerned look took a minute to fade. "When you're ready then." She stood and came around to kiss his temple. "If anyone can make it work you can."

He squeezed her hand. "I'll succeed with you at my side."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Ah Merlin, when you're finished with those tinctures Geoffrey would like a word with you down in the library."

The dark haired man turned to blink at his mentor. "Are you sure? He usually doesn't want me anywhere near his books."

"I think that's mostly due to the reputation you'd built for unintentionally damaging things when you were younger. You're not that way anymore."

"Did he say what he wanted me for?"

"Only that it was important and for your ears only."

"I'm almost done, I'll be there soon."

Gaius spared him a smile and was gone again in a hurry, the work of a physician never at an end.

The scent of dust, ancient parchment, and half burnt beeswax was not going to adorn court ladies handkerchiefs anytime soon, but Merlin found the aroma relaxing and inspiring at the same time. Clearly Geoffrey did too for all the time the archivist spent among the library shelves, far beyond what was required for his job.

The main room was empty of any signs of activity so he made his way to the back of the east wing where a small storage room held the logs of all the books the library contained. Geoffrey often retreated there to study and keep track of what volumes were out on loan, which would need rebinding, and countless other inventory tasks. Merlin might envy him the knowledge contained in these walls but he certainly did not envy the workload involved in maintaining them.

Arriving at the half closed door he knocked and waited for the sound of shuffling footsteps before easing it open further.

The old record keeper looked up, a scolding ready on his lips when he saw just who had dared disturb him in his sacred domain. "Oh it's you boy."

"Gaius said-"

"Yes, yes, come in and close the door."

Not wanting to face death by a thousand paper cuts Merlin did as he was told without a sound.

"I have a question for you. I admit it is primarily prompted by conjecture which I would typically eschew using, but in this instance I believe the possible truth to be important enough to relevant a direct inquiry rather than attempting to gather more evidence that may no longer exist."

The young man blinked, apprehension rising despite his best effort to contain it. "I'm listening?"

"By your own admission your power over the dragons was acquired after the Great Dragon's attack. The only Dragonlord whose death is known to have occurred since that occasion is Balinor. And you can say what you want about an old man's memory, but you do bear more than a passing resemblance to the man as I knew him thirty years ago." Merlin looked away, bracing for the pain the next question was sure to bring. He startled when a wrinkled hand grasped him by the shoulder. "I'm afraid I'm several years late, but please accept my condolences on your loss."

"Thank you. I wish...I wish I'd known him. If only to make caring for Aithusa easier."

"I've no doubt. I fear I have precious little left of the lore of the Dragonlords but you can be assured I will pass on whatever information I come across."

"I would be grateful for that." Awkward silence passed for a few heartbeats. "I would also be grateful for anything you could tell me about him. My father I mean. Where he was from, did he have family, what was his family name? I know I can't use it but.."

Geoffrey shook his head. "I'm afraid I don't know. He didn't use a surname when I knew him. Said something about a personal vow he made when he became a Dragonlord. He gave up all rights to his family inheritance, in order to ensure others were provided for. As for what kingdom he hailed from, he mentioned missing the sea once or twice but I don't know if it was meant in the form of missing home or just a statement in general. But I know he wasn't born in Camelot."

"I'm doubtful it was Escetir either seeing as that's where he fled to when he escaped. Where he met my mother."

A small smile graced the other man's face. "I despise nearly everything that happened during the purge, but that is one event I am proud to have had a hand in."

"You helped him get out?"

"I did. As I say, when I knew him he was every inch the traveler, more comfortable in the open skies than he ever was within four walls. But we always got along well. He appreciated my knowledge and I appreciated his silence. We often would sit by the library fire in the evenings. I would read and he would carve animals from wood."

Despite the lingering sadness Merlin smiled. "He made me a dragon during the one night we had."

Geoffrey matched his expression. "His personal best I'm sure." The old man sobered "Uther's betrayal of him was an act neither Gaius nor I could endure. Speaking of his escape…" he turned and picked a box up off his desk. The wood was worn but Merlin recognized it as the type used to store whatever belongings were removed from prisoners' person until after their trial.

"Your father didn't bring much on that last visit." Geoffrey explained, handing the box over. "He rarely did in any case, but I also believe that somewhere deep down he didn't trust Uther as much as he thought he did. There were no letters, or jewelry, nothing to tie him back to a family or region where others like him may have escaped to. Uther thought he got everything he did have, but the guards missed this. When I snuck down to explain Gaius' plan he gave it to me. Told me even if he survived he'd never be able to look at it again without it reminding him of everything he'd thrown away."

A pit wedged firmly in his stomach Merlin lifted the latch and nearly dropped the whole box when he saw what lay within.

"I um. Thank you but crystals and I really don't get along."

The old historian gripped his wrist firmly and pulled out the tiny luminescent rock. "This isn't for seeing the future." He explained, expression oddly sympathetic. "Gaius will be able to explain it better, but there was a time when certain varieties of crystals were enchanted to store and replay memories. Either personal ones or, if the recorder was powerful enough those of a kingdom. It made documenting and learning history as well as determining the truth of a crime far easier. Alas it was a specialty and even before the purge there were those who considered the practice dangerous and deceptive."

"This crystal has my father's memories?"

"Given its size, I'd say memory. A short one. But it meant something to him, enough for him to bring it with him despite foregoing all other mementoes. Whatever it may be of, by all rights it belongs to you now."

It took two or three throat clearings but at last he managed to get a "thank you" out. Geoffrey inclined his head in acknowledgement and waved a hand indicating he could leave. As he did one other thought broke through Merlin's clouded mind.

"The king and I would appreciate...discretion when it comes to the knowledge of my father's identity."

"As far as anyone other than you, King Arthur, or Gaius is concerned I have no idea Balinor has any relations in Camelot. And it will remain so unless you tell me otherwise."

Light and color rippled and wavered steadily until at last they resolved into two pale skinned young boys sitting in a garden. The elder, in his early teens, watched as the younger who looked to be five or six pounced on a wyvern lounging across the grassy lawn. He let out a loud laugh as the scaled creature rolled out from under the tackle and pinned the boy to ground.

"Bal help!"

The first boy continued to chuckle, shaking his shoulder length black hair. "You know what they're like. This isn't the first time Peredur has gotten the better of you."

"If father would just teach me how to command him too I wouldn't have to resort to this."

The teen's eyes grew sad. "I wish he could Tor. But the power's only going to come to me. It's impossible to share." He clucked his tongue and the wyvern got up, shook out his wings and began grooming the dirt from its neck spikes.

The little boy got to his own feet, kicking the dirt dejectedly. Balinor waved him over, brushed off his clothes and pulled him onto his lap. "You'll come into your own baby brother, I know you will. Just because you won't have the voice of a Dragonlord doesn't mean you don't have a voice. It will come to you when you need it."

"When? I can't find it if I'm stuck here. You're going to be gone all the time, just like he is. You're going to have wonderful adventures. You'll see Nemeth, and Elmet, and the South Seas, and the White Mountains, and maybe even Camelot."

Balinor frowned. "Mother says no one is seeing Camelot so long as King Vortigan reigns. But that's all years from now. I have too much to learn to dream of leaving now. And," he shifted and pressed his forehead to his brother's, "I promise you, no matter where I go, no matter how long I'm gone, a part of me will always find its way home to you."

The scene faded and Merlin lay back on his cot, rolling the crystal between his thumb and forefinger, his magic book long forgotten on his lap. Three times watching the memory and still the tears threatened to overflow. For years he'd dreamed of learning more about his father and now he was only left with more questions.

Still the gift was something precious. And if, in the future, he was able to find anyone who remained of Balinor's family, he'd have some proof of his identity he could share with them. That was worth being thankful for.

A combination of tapping and the creaking sound of the door opening a crack pulled his attention away. Gaius was watching him closely.

"You missed dinner, I feared you were unwell."

"What? Oh no, I'm alright. Just forgot to be hungry I guess."

Gaius hummed. "What do you have there?"

Unexpectedly a bubble of joy coursed through Merlin's heart and he grinned freely. "A mystery, but a welcome one. Come here, I'll show you."

I'm realizing now Balinor's memory probably should have been in first person but I like it how it is and don't feel like rewriting it. Hopefully it works for you all.